Brother Cambrius Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Well, after much hiding and lurking in the LIBER ASTARTES forum, I thought it owuld be time to return and try with a chapter I had written upon around this time last year. Things have changed and been adjusted and I will gladly accept any comments and or criticism. [img; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/uploads/1226361813/gallery_26154_1706_2142.gif[/img] Chapter's Symbol – The gold swordrepresents the ever shining light of the Emperor and his divinity, whilst the star behind is known as the “Star of Guilliman”. Heraldry The Swords of Orion have become a widely feared and respected chapter in their time since their creation, during the 12th great founding in the 34th millennium. They have taken part in many notable crusades, including the “Cleansing of Salon’s Gate” and defending the Imperium during a number of Black Crusades. The chapter were created from the seed of Guilliman from the Black Consuls chapter. The captain of the second company of the Black Consuls was chosen to become the new chapter master. He decided to name them the Swords of Orion, as they were the knights and protectors of the Orion Belt where they would be stationed. Two ships were donated to the chapter by the Black Consuls, these were the battle-barge, the "Relentless Spirit" and the battleship, the "Herald of Justice" alongside a new battle-barge given by the Mechanicum, the “Valiant Sword”, which became the chapter’s flagship. For over twenty Terran years the chapter were given tutelage by their parent chapter in the art of warfare and partially assisted them during the 7th Black Crusade, where the Swords of Orion gained the honour of slaying the crazed, corrupted governor of Tropolis. The Swords were finally declared a fully operational chapter in 777.M34, with over four hundred brothers in their ranks ready to ravage and cleanse the enemies of the Imperium. Success after success came to the chapter over the following decades and they became a great ally to the Imperial armies around the area of the Orion Belt and in the Ultima Segmentum. The chapter also became strong allies to the Inquisitor Felix Takato and his retinue, who assisted the chapter during the crusade in the daemon infested Forenaught sector. Phellenor The Phellenor battle is one of the more highly remembered moments in the chapter’s history. The Swords of Orion see it as an example of heroism and despair that can happen so quickly in a crusade or war and is often one of the first battles that the initiates are taught to remember. Around 400 years after the chapter’s creation, they were tasked in destroying the ancient Eldar spaceship called Phellenor as it ravaged through the Orion Belt. The chapter chased and fought the Eldar for over a year as they defended the sectors the xenos ship had been attacking, before disappearing back into the webway as they were fought back off the Imperial planets. But a year into the war, a pivotal moment favoured the Imperials greatly. After a failed assault upon the Imperial world of Fermax Prime, a raging battle occurred above the planet between the Eldar ship and the Swords of Orion fleet as it fought to escape. A lucky nova cannon shot denied the Eldar the ability to escape, with their engines becoming severely damaged from the nova cannon’s blast. Seeing that the enemy’s ship was crippled, the Swords of Orion prepared to board it. Declaring this the opportunity to finally rid the Imperium of Phellenor, Chapter Master Aliton called for assistance, knowing full well that their chapter wouldn’t be enough to take down the mighty ship. It was not long that descendants of the holy Blood Angels chapter, the Falcons Sanguine answered the call to arms. After planning the method to destroy the Eldar ship, it was decided that a large boarding party from both chapters would be used. The Falcons would start the initial assault with their Death Company striking first and then the Swords of Orion would follow and plant the vortex grenade charges in the engine bay. The fierceness of the Blood Angel successors created a massacre as they headed towards the engine bays, following the source of heat created by them. All went well with low casualty numbers taken by both chapters and the charges were placed in the engine bay, primed to explode. But then disaster struck for the marines as the timed detonator was damaged by a counterattack from the Eldar. The device had to be set off manually. Veteran Ixion of the Swords of Orion quickly decided that he would sacrifice himself and set it off as he took cover. With reluctance, Chapter Master Aliton agreed and blessed him before he led his brothers back to the boarding boats. The two chapters then fought back through a bloody path towards the boarding ships, which had just been attached to the Eldar vessel. As the chapters headed back towards their respective ships and pulled out, Veteran Ixion was given a psychic message by the Epistolary of the Swords of Orion and detonated the charges, splitting the mighty craft in two along it’s length and killing practically all on board. The Space Marine fleet annihilated those few that attempted to escape with ease. After the battle, the chapter declared a week of fasting and praise for Veteran Ixion’s noble sacrifice and the chapter became close brothers to the Falcons Sanguine chapter. As the chapters split away and departed across the stars to Imperial docks to be refitted and repaired, an Eldar Craftworld called Idharae came across the remains of Phellenor after receiving a distress signal from them and vowed that punishment would be given to the two chapters that destroyed their family. As the Falcons Sanguine celebrated in their fleet for the victory, the Eldar Craftworld attacked without warning and decimated the chapter; all but three companies survived the terrible onslaught after retreating. The Swords of Orion fared better for their actions and the chapter’s fleet split into their respective companies and moved onto their separate patrols around the Orion belt. Two days after the chapter’s fleet split apart, Craftworld Idharae attacked the small fleet of the second company and after destroying its communication arrays first, it mercilessly annihilated every ship in its path before disappearing into the webway once more. A faint distress signal was given out by the flagship of the second company, “Spirit of Justice” and was picked up by the chapter master’s fleet four days after the massacre. He called for the entire chapter to rally on his point and then search for any remnants from the second company, but all that was left was floating wrecks with no survivors. After seeing The Unknown Chapter Some of the chapter’s geneseed was taken by the High Lords of Terra during the 21st “Cursed” founding to create a new chapter. All records of this chapter seemed to be expunged after the cursed founding and the chapter declared “destroyed” for unknown reasons, but an image bearing their heraldry is still on records and it has been seen a number of times in battle upon Armageddon and during the 12th and 13th Black Crusade. The Swords of Orion see this a small stain upon their honour and try to discover who the chapter are and find out why they were deemed as destroyed. such terrible destruction and soon hearing of the plight of the Falcons Sanguine, chapter master Aliton declared that when the Craftworld would return to Imperial space again, he would crush it in the name of the Second Company and the Falcons Sanguine. http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; ">The Black Crusades The Swords of Orion have taken part in many actions against the forces of chaos in a number of the Despoiler’s Black Crusades, their actions during the ninth crusade saved the vitally strategic defence system of Phaelon as the renegade chapter, the “Legion of Hate”, ravaged the sector without mercy. They also defended the Galina sub sector from the Word Bearers as they fought to re-capture the demonically possessed Titan “Soulflayer”, which was held in a gargantuan holy prison upon the planet. Tragedy for the chapter however, struck in the dying embers of the crusade as the Swords of Orion defended the planet of Phaelon III as the Legion of Hate made a final assault to take the Hive City of Phalanx Prime. The Daemon Prince Khar’konum, leader of the Legion of Hatred had rallied together a cohort of mechanized traitor guardsmen alongside the remnants of his chaos marines. The two armies met at Crescent Gorge and on those desert fields a titanic and apocalyptic battle took place but the heretics were creating massive losses with the heavy weaponry utilized by the guardsmen. All seemed loss as the banners and captains of the third and fifth company fell to a sudden incursion of gibbering daemons. But as the Swords of Orion were being pushed back, a strange ally emerged from the smoke and began to cut through the chaos force’s lines. It was the widely awed and fabled Legion of the Damned. The legendary warriors scythed through the lines of chaos filth, Black Consuls Annihilation When news reached the chapter of the annihilation of the Black Consuls, their parent chapter, a month of mourning was held throughout the Swords of Orion. A single black candle was lit for them in the main chapel aboard the flagship, the Valiant Sword. A black candle now eternally remains lit in remembrance of the chapter’s “parents”. Small contingents of marines from the Swords of Orion were sent to the area where the Black Consuls were destroyed and they search for any survivors of the destruction. In remembrance, the Black Consuls’ symbol was placed on the left kneepad of each marine to remember the loss. No marines bear the mark anymore, but almost all of the dreadnoughts still bear the mark. cutting down swathes every second. After watching in wonder as his new allies cut swathes of daemons down, Chapter Master Neptus rallied his men and charged towards the lines of the enemy and as the banners of the third and fourth were held up by the second company, the chapter struck the lines of daemons filled with righteous hate and faith. The charge pushed the chaos followers back and soon Neptus faced the Daemon Prince Khar'konum where the two fought tooth and nail but after around an hour of duelling, Neptus was struck down but as Khar'konum brought down his final blow Neptus released a vortex grenade at the Daemon's feet, sucking them both into the screaming warp. With their leader gone, the chaos force broke in strength and morale and began to retreat with the Swords of Orion cutting them down. In the dust of the aftermath, the chapter searched for their commander and for the Legion of the Damned, but all that was found of Neptus was his sword, the “Sword of Orion” and his helmet that bore the Star of Guilliman. The Legion of the Damned was also nowhere to be seen. The wargear was taken and blessed in the cathedral at the Hive City by Master of Sanctity; Helios Strada, who was a close brother of Neptus and both had risen through the ranks together. The cathedral is now a sacred site for the chapter and a small detachment of marines attend a service every 5 years in remembrance of the war that roared across the planet in remembrance to the losses taken that fateful day and to give praise to the chapter master. The sword and helmet are now sacred relics and are worn into battle by every chapter master who leads his brothers in battle. Recent Actions The chapter have taken part in a number of significant recent actions, including in the Third war for Armageddon against the Orks and in destroying a number of Necron tomb worlds. The Swords of Orion have clashed with the Legion of Hate many times since the battle for Crescent Gorge. Every time the two enemies would face each other, the Sword of Orion and Star of Guilliman have been brought into battle against them, wielded by the chapter master. The most recent chapter master, Krall Thorin has slain many leaders of the Legion of Hate in recent actions against them, including in the 12th Black Crusade and in the second defence of Fermax Prime. The Eldar have still sought revenge for the blood of those that the chapter and the Falcons Sanguine inflicted, but none have been as devastating as the aftermath from destroying the Eldar battleship. Relations with the Falcons Sanguine since the aftermath have stayed strong and the Swords of Orion readily call to the aid of the Falcons Sanguine in thanks and remembrance for their service all those millennia ago. Organisation + Combat Doctrine The Swords of Orion follow the codex’s teachings to the letter, as they see Guilliman as the saviour of mankind and the Imperium during the Scouring and aftermath from the Horus Heresy. Codex markings are used throughout the chapter and to represent each company, the shoulder pad trims are coloured. The only deviation in markings is the unique way a captain is represented in each company; every captain’s weapon is painted in the colour of his company, as is the Star of Guilliman in the chapter’s symbol. The heraldry of the captain is placed on a small shield that’s attached to their left shoulder pad, similar to the Iron Knights. The chapter rely heavily on mechanised assaults on the enemy with Rhinos and Land Raiders, but rarely use heavy tanks or artillery. Vindicators however are an exception to this and are often used to break up the ranks of the enemy before the rest of the chapter strike down with their transports. The chapter rarely use drop pods as their method of getting to the surface of a planet unless a severely rapid attack is required, so the chapter use squadrons of Thunderhawks instead as a method of striking down on the enemy before they land. Pilots of the Swords of Orion are often sent to the Hawk Lords chapter to learn further skill in their craft in their fabled “Talon’s Wing” and the chapter have seen action alongside each other many times. The Swords of Orion do not have a fortress monastery as such as they’re a fleet based chapter that crusade and defends around the areas of the Orion Belt, but bastions and small fortresses are kept on strategic planets. The chapter’s fleet is normally split into five separate fleets, where each is led by a captain and with elements from the reserves, veteran and scout companies. The smaller fleet is comprised normally of one battle barge and a dozen smaller cruisers with defence ships patrolling around them in a tight, diamond pattern formation. The sword is regarded in the highest degree amongst the entire chapter and very rarely does a commander or veteran choose to use a different shape of blade as a weapon. To wield a power sword into battle is seen as a great honour and only the most honoured of veteran sergeants wield them. When a member of the chapter is indoctrinated into the 1st company, a golden sword is added onto their right shoulder pad, looking like it’s been struck through the pad. The veteran is also presented with a golden blade to be worn on their belt as decoration and the symbol of the chapter is etched into their right shoulder as well as the previous etching that was made in their “ascension” to an astartes. Plasma weapons are also regarded in the highest degree of respect and honour as well as it epitomises the ever-shining light of the Emperor and the fury that lies within them. The most sacred and venerated sword in the chapter is the fabled “Sword of Orion” that chapter master Neptus used when he fought with the Daemon Prince Khar’konum. It is only used in the direst of circumstances and when not used it is kept on the main altar of the chapel aboard the Valiant Sword inside a piece of dark granite stone. Recruitment Being a fleet based chapter, The Swords of Orion use a number of for recruitment. They are mostly medieval feudal worlds, where young knights train in the clans and armies of the planet. They hope to join the ranks of the "Immortal Angels" (the chapter) and are deemed worthy to be taken when the “angels” descend upon the planet. A series of bloody and gruelling trials are held upon the planet, allowing the recruiting marines to see who are the worthy to join them in their ranks. These trials include splitting the many hopefuls into groups of 25, where they all duel against each other and the winner from the battle is chosen to go to the next stage of recruitment, which includes the climbing up the “Unforgiving Mountain” and defeating a combat servitor with only a small combat knife. When an initiate finally joins the rank of the chapter as a scout, he has a sword etched onto his left shoulder and on top of his primary heart, representing that even if they lose everything against the enemy their heart and soul will always stay with the chapter. If a marine was to turn from the chapter and Emperor’s light, he’s found and executed, but before his execution the etchings are burnt away from his skin, representing that he’s no longer a member of the chapter, or the bond of brotherhood that resides in each astartes of the Swords of Orion. On the 77th year of every century, the “Festival of the Sword” is held celebrating the time when the chapter became fully independent. Many contests are held and the most prominent is the League of Orion. This is a great sporting event, where two champions are chosen from each of the four battle companies and they take part in a gruelling “decathlon” and the final round to decide the true champion, the top scoring two contestants “joust” each other using a bike with a metal lance and storm shield attached. The winner from that battle is then presented the “Axe of Ixion” by the chapter master and the champion’s company hold the honour of carrying it into battle until the next festival. Beliefs The chapter hold many knightly virtues and hate and despise cowards in all forms and have been known to execute entire companies of Imperial Guard who have fled. This was seen during the 11th Black Crusade when the hapless 21st Gregorian Guard regiment retreated from their lines as a mass of daemons attacked their lines. The chapter have gained a fearful reputation since with all of the Imperial Guard units and thus the humans that fight alongside the chapter very rarely fall back and fight to the last, knowing full well that either way, retreating or fighting, they will die. The Swords of Orion hold honour and virtue as their greatest beliefs on the battlefield. They never attack from behind nor sneak around unless seriously necessary as they see it as cowardly and without honour for the enemy not to see their killers. Often before an advance upon an enemy’s position, the commander orders for the banners present to be raised aloft, thus showing who had come to destroy the enemy in battle. The Swords of Orion hold a strong brotherhood within the chapter, they are taught throughout their training that their brothers are their greatest allies and that their brotherhood their greatest weapon. For one brother can easily fall against the rage of warfare, but when many brothers stand together, it is almost impossible for them to all falter at once. Whenever a brother marine is captured or is stranded upon the battlefield, the chapter will fight at their hardest to recover their brother. The chapter see the Emperor as the great all father of mankind and so they have an endless fury and are disgusted and shamed by their fallen brethren who betrayed humanity and its father. Thus the chapter bears a grudging hatred against all forces of chaos and are often found to be cleansing the Orion Belt of any chaos incursions. The Swords of Orion also bear a major hate and distrust of the Eldar after the massacre at the end of the Phellenor incident, it has only been four times since that the Swords of Orion have agreed to fight alongside Eldar, in all cases because no other choice for victory against a greater enemy was available. Battlecry The battlecry of the chapter is traditionally “For Orion and the Emperor!” but deviations of it are often heard throughout the battles the chapter fights. The chapter’s motto is “May the sword of golden justice strike through the tainted hearts of men and cleanse the galaxy of all xenos threats!” This is often tattooed onto the right hand of a marine or across their backs above an Imperial Aquila. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- . :) Cambrius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrus Manus Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 C&C as promised: The Swords of Orion have become a widely feared and respected chapter in their time since their creation, during the 12th great founding in the 34th millennium. This doesn't read well, I'd suggest changing it to something like: 'The Swords of Orion were created during the 12th Founding in the 34th millennium. Since then they have become a widely feared and respected chapter.' Just a quick note, words like 'chapter,' 'captain,' 'second company' and 'governor' are all names or titles so need capitals. Just check through the rest of your article for other examples as well I don't like the idea of the Mechanicus donating ships to the Chapter after Phellenor, it just doesn't seem like something they would do - to me anyway. I'd suggest that the Swords just renamed one of their ships. Also, some Chapters utilize captured enemy ships, you could use this as a way to increase the size of your Chapter's fleet. Now I'll be brutal. I don't think that the IA needs to have the sections about the Chapter's Campaigning history. An IA is meant to be an overview, not an in depth look at your Chapter's allies and grudges, which is what these sections effectively do. By all means expand a Chapter past an IA stage, after all a Chapter is never complete, but I don't feel as though these sections need to be here unless they really add something to your chapter. In the Recruitment section you talk about a sword being 'etched' onto an initiates' shoulder and over his heart, I think that possibly 'tattooed' might be a better word to use. That's all my issues, sorry for being harsh in places but as they say 'you have to be cruel to be kind.' But anyway, nice to see you around again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Cambrius Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 C&C as promised: The Swords of Orion have become a widely feared and respected chapter in their time since their creation, during the 12th great founding in the 34th millennium. This doesn't read well, I'd suggest changing it to something like: 'The Swords of Orion were created during the 12th Founding in the 34th millennium. Since then they have become a widely feared and respected chapter.' Hmm, agreed it does sound better. I'll adjust it accordingly so it runs better. Just a quick note, words like 'chapter,' 'captain,' 'second company' and 'governor' are all names or titles so need capitals. Just check through the rest of your article for other examples as well Will do. Forgot about that little grammatical rule. I don't like the idea of the Mechanicus donating ships to the Chapter after Phellenor, it just doesn't seem like something they would do - to me anyway. I'd suggest that the Swords just renamed one of their ships. Also, some Chapters utilize captured enemy ships, you could use this as a way to increase the size of your Chapter's fleet. I think the renaming sounds better but I may decide further upon the captured ships aspect. It doesn't really sit well with the chapter though in my mind as it will be deemed as being dishonourable to use an enemy's weapon. Now I'll be brutal. I don't think that the IA needs to have the sections about the Chapter's Campaigning history. An IA is meant to be an overview, not an in depth look at your Chapter's allies and grudges, which is what these sections effectively do. By all means expand a Chapter past an IA stage, after all a Chapter is never complete, but I don't feel as though these sections need to be here unless they really add something to your chapter. Don't worry about the brutality, often they show the real beef of what requires the change. I may get rid of the Black Crusades section and sidebar the history of when Chapter Master Neptus was lost leaving behind the Sword of Orion and the Star of Guilliman. What you said makes much sense and I'll begin the changes accordingly in the future one some RL issues are dealt with. In the Recruitment section you talk about a sword being 'etched' onto an initiates' shoulder and over his heart, I think that possibly 'tattooed' might be a better word to use. Hmm,. I saw it as the sword being cut into their arms with a hot blade. So I may add that little detail in so it's not deemed as a tattoo. That's all my issues, sorry for being harsh in places but as they say 'you have to be cruel to be kind.' But anyway, nice to see you around again. As mentioned, don't worry about being harsh. They provide the true crit that is required. Thanks for the C+C, Cambrius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfbiter Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 I'll weigh in also. I'm not getting a clear feel for the chapter from your IA. And I feel bad saying that, because your presentation is very nice and your writing overall is pretty good. I came away from reading this with a lot of details about the battles this Chapter has been in, but very little flavor that makes the Chapter stand out in my mind. The overall theme coming across is that they a very orthodox Codex chapter that participates in a lot of combat. Which is fine. But what is it that makes them cool and distinctive to you, what makes you want to write about them and tell their story as opposed to writing about the Ultramarines, Black Consuls, or Praetors of Orpheus, just to name a few? Do they have unique rituals? I know you mentioned how they revere the symbolism of the sword, but I really think you need more. I'd agree with the previous poster, and suggest you cut down some of the extra battle reports in favor of more writing to individualize the Chapter's beliefs, homeworld and history. Maybe one crucial event that shapes the Chapter. I'd also strongly urge you to drop the section about Craftworld Idharae, the Falcons Sanguine, and the Invaders. This seems too much like shoehorning another Chapter's background (The Invaders) into your own Chapter's story. No need for this. Another thing that to me seemed missing...you mention they are the "Swords of Orion" but I don't remember any details about the Orion Belt, what it's like, and what kind of relationship the Chapter has to the region of space it defends. I think more about what makes this sector of space and how they relate to it would really help the IA. Kind of ike the description of the Reef Stars and their relationship to the Iron Snakes in the novel "Brothers of the Snake." Sorry, this may come across as harsher than it's meant to. I think you can do something with this Chapter, but right now they need some "oomph" other than detailed battle accounts to make them stand out more. This is just an aside, but I really, really, liked the color scheme you came up with for the mysterious Cursed Founding chapter raised from your Chapter's geneseed. Actually, I even liked it better than your primary color scheme for the Chapter. :) Maybe you can work more about this "Mysterious Chapter" into your background, I liked this minor bit of sidebar fluff best out of your IA. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.