xscottfergox Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Personal note: This compendium of The Angelic Court is neither finished or refined. Your comments and additions are welcome ++++ The Angelic Court ++++ WARNING 'Do not under any circumstances slight this chapters honour, they take even jest seriously and will judge you accordingly. And do not take their silence as arrogance my master made that mistake . . .' ++++ Gene-seed Lion El’Jonson. They are aware of the Dark Angel’s secret and shame. Traits They are morose, quiet, contemplative out of combat. Their style in combat is brutal, often obsessive and aggressive. The chapter prefers to denounce the enemies of the Emperor up close and personal. Home world/ base of operations: As part of the 22st founding in the mid 37th millennium, initial forces were taken from the Dark Angels to form the first company. Originally named the Astral Wasp the new chapter master, an ex Dark Angels Captain, Malfurios took the order in his stride and began to mould the chapter into a strong fighting force. After years of high anchor in their battle barge over the Planet Vithrain the chapter strategists and advisors suggested a move to Vithrain Axis, the primary moon of Vithrain, to form a base for the rapidly growing chapter. In 890 M37 the Astral Wasp’s base was complete and by then three whole companies had been raised. Vithrain is a largely mountain world with distinct hive cities that sit on the shoulders and ridges of mountains like armour. The indigenous human population of Vithrain is largely isolated and nomadic, banding together into Shet’Pari or ‘Battle families’ of around forty individuals. As tribes they worship the emperor as an idea that every man harbours the emperor in his soul with the gift of speech. The tribes believe that humanity can only communicate verbally because of their blessing from the Emperor and not the higher cognitive functions of the human brain. As a result the tribes rarely speak for fear of tainting the sacred gift of speech and save words for times of emotional peak and during their worship to the Emperor through murmured, arrhythmic catechisms. Every tribe possesses a huge level of upper body strength due to the rigors of nomad lifestyle in the mountains. Carrying their homes on their backs up sheer cliff faces and carving climbing paths out of sheer rock has hardened all of the tribes into strong climbers and formidably tough warriors. Recruitment and training During their initial recruitment process many individuals adapted well to the process. The chapter masters and Malfurion hoped for a quick growth in numbers and workable fighting force sooner than they had anticipated. However many began to fail around the tenth process, the Occulobe. Large numbers of recruits’ bodies rejected the organ and became blind or had their sight impaired making them useless as marines. Nevertheless the apothecaries thought the few recruits that accepted the implants were simply stronger bodies and more suitable as marines. Yet as the recruits that were unaffected grew into a full space marine their irises began to turn black. No explanation for this could be found, but the subtle mutation seemed to improve the recruits’ vision in high light situation, shielding the retina from intense glare. Around a twenty percent of recruits survived to become initiates, which neither impressive nor despairing, slowly started to fill the ranks of The Angelic court, or as they were then called the Astral Wasps. Little did they know that their gene-seed harboured even more secrets. The The Nexium War During early M38 the chapter was requisitioned by the Ordo-Hereticus to hunt and destroy the Anarch of Deception, Balethorn, conspicuous architect of the secessionist movement that had crippled vital system’s surrounding the Vithrain system. The Secessionist movement had been around for years on the planets of the Nexium system, but had never swelled to numbers that could even begin to worry the local administrations. However when Balethorn snuck into the system and began spreading the taint through the rebels the cause suddenly became more attractive to the average citizen. From 940-990 M27 the movement overcame all five planets in the system, unaware of the fact they were under the sway of chaos. Eagerly purging the neighbouring systems of chaotic taint in support of the Imperial Guard, the Astral Wasps made their way from planet to planet over a ten year period. The chapter crushed the Anarchs ground forces on many major planets, demolished the ‘Secessionist’ command structure and became a figurehead that turned the majority of the secessionist back to the Emperor’s light as they were made aware of the vile truth, that they had become pawns. In 110 M38 the chapter finally cornered the Anarch on the planet Nexium, previously a rich agricultural hub. The planet had been ravaged by the Anarch and chaos, transformed into a hideous industrial planet pumping out munitions and armour to the forces of chaos for systems far and wide through huge warp beasts capable of ingesting real matter and vomiting it forth elsewhere in the universe, like a living cargo ship. During a bloody and violent fight led by Malfurios himself the chapter broke the deceived secessionists and found the Anarch Balethorn cowering in his keep, the former planetary governing palace. Here they faced tough opposition from the secessionist's who had realised, or had been told, that Balethorn was an agent of chaos. Their bodies’ mutated to huge proportions by the powers of chaos they challenged even the mighty space marines. But one figure in gleaming black armour with marble detailing cut a swath through the beasts with his trademark broadsword, Agraxo. Malfurios was the first to reach the pathetic wretch Balethorn but not before the Anarch had whispered his last vile, treacherous words that scared Malfurios to the core. He whispered that the Astral Wasps were weak and they had failed to cast off the shame of their parent chapter and that it was changing them. They would never see the glory of the end of days. The Anarch had voiced the terrible shame with such malice and power the Astral Wasps were changed. The Recompense The following two hundred years saw Malfurios racked with conflicting emotions as the chapter carried out their orders diligently and systematically destroyed the secessionist revolts and chaos taint left behind by Balethorn. He believed the shame of the Dark Angels and all of their successor chapters were beginning to govern the Astral wasps and cow their honour and strength, simply becoming mindless puppets. As if to confirm his fears the oldest brothers began having visions of their past life before they became marines. Some veterans that had been with Malfurios since his time in the Dark Angels even began to have these visions. Malfurios convened with the chaplains of the chapter and took this as a sign that their shame was literally destroying their very essence as space marines and reverting them slowly back to who they used to be. The chapters’ apothecaries began to examine the older brothers who were racked with the nightmares and quickly established a flaw in the gene seed that caused their indoctrinated minds to become unravelled. Malfurion was beside himself with grief as he tried to comprehend why his chapter had degraded and started to become less than marines. He feared he had begun to fall and was dragging the chapter down with him. His dreams began soon enough, they showed him snippets of his past life over three hundred years ago, and it terrified him. Taking to meditating and only half sleeping occasionally Malfurion became reclusive and introvert, spending months on end meditating. During his longest period of meditation whilst his chapter was in transit to some far flung system he slipped into half sleep and had a vision unlike his other visions. It wasn’t as feral and unclear as his visions beforehand. It was defined and perfect. He was visited by an Angel that explained to him what was happening to the Chapter and how he could save himself and the chapter. Malfurion woke with a clear mind. His vision had saved his fall. Whoever the angel was she had sacrificed herself for him so that he wouldn’t fall. So that he couldn’t fall. From that day on Malfurion became focussed and clear minded. He realised that he had neglected the shame of his parent chapter and it had gone on for too long. Consequently, after sharing his vision with his council, he renamed the chapter ‘The Angelic Court’ and also renamed the first company ‘The Putus’. Their new task was to hunt down any fallen in the whole Imperium of man as a whole company. Organisation Of the ten companies, first company is always ranging far and wide through the Imperium aboard the battle barge Cado Venator* hunting the fallen. They return to Vithrain Axis every two hundred years to replenish supplies, fallen brothers and reconcile with their chapter history and enter into the log book of fallen. Every time The Putus returns the most lauded and heroic marine is taken from each first company squad. They are then formed into squads together and sent to integrate with other companies as elite veteran squads. In turn members from second company that prove themselves in the fires of battle are sent to become part of The Putus and replenish their ranks. Therefore the Putus are always made up of the most hard line and experienced space marines of The Angelic Court. The other notable companies of The Angelic court include the Vita Terminus Second Company. The majority of the second company is made up of Terminator squads with the few venerable dreadnaughts in support alongside land raiders and a wing of vindicator battle tanks. This is their real main divergence from the codex Astartes. With their first company constantly indisposed the second company takes up the mantle of the terminator company. Much of the chapter looks at the individuals of second company as upstarts who believe themselves veterans. However to become a member of the second company one must display resistance to the dreams that plague The Angelic Court and prove themselves in battle. The second company is the first major step on becoming part of the Putus. Combat Doctrine The chapter largely follows the codex Astartes with a few tweaks, most notably their use of broadswords to cleave and slice in combat rather than the more popular long swords and knifes used by other chapters. This style of sword play is a throw back from Malfurion. His trade mark sword Agraxo became a benchmark for all other weapons in the chapter and the chapter champions aspire to reach Malfurions skill with a blade that is neither subtle nor delicate. It is said that he can wield if with such dexterity and nimbleness that en elder once commended his skills, before being cleft in two. The Angelic Court also have a penchant for the power of flame in combat, cleansing the filth of betrayal and heresy. They will often coordinate flamer strikes on one point created huge infernos of flame reducing anything caught in the flames to nothingness, calling this the ‘Penance of the Angels’. They make significant use of vindicator battle tanks in place of predator wings. Most outsiders frown upon this approach as they lose the adaptability of predators but as one devastator marine of The Angelic Court said: ‘There is no need for adaptability when the enemy is reduced to sin by the power of the vindicator.’ The throwback of climbing skill and fearsome upper body strength (even for a normal marine) means that The Angelic Court excel at covert infiltrations of castle keeps and high rise buildings. It is said that the brothers of The Angelic Court could climb the pinnacle of a continental hive city without breaking sweat. Mutations The Angelic Courts gene seed causes a mutation of the Catalepsean Node. This causes the brothers to remember brief thoughts of their past life during half sleep. These ‘nightmares’ are, for reasons unknown, inexplicably linked with the brother’s experience with the fallen, with the members of the first company having less memories and more resistance. Of course they can never fully remember what made them who they were, but the visions often weaken the brother’s resolve. The chapter Chaplains council each individual brother reminding them that the visions were their past life and the memories are simply a gift from the Emperor to remind them that they were once weak. It is for this reason the chapter seems morose and reclusive to an outsider however in truth there are few chapters that are bonded so closely through common strife. Also a flaw with the gene seed causes the occulobe to effect the colour of a marines eye. Most marines’ iris turns black and appears to bleed out into the white of their eyes. This process continues over the years and eventually leads to the complete black out of their eyes, with a faint suggestion of a pupil. Battle cry Repent, for you are lost to glory of the end of days! (Only recorded instances of a 'battlecry' issued by the squad leaders at the crux of the enemies defeat) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seaglen Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 looks ok so far. a few points however: his causes the brothers to remember brief thoughts of their past life during half sleep i like this idea. very interesting. however..... they are human and flawed. A marine is taught that he is the pinacle of strenght and defence of mankind. im not sure many chapters see themselves as human, and tend to distance themselves from humanity. marines certainly dont have the physical flaws of humans, and mentaly, they are indoctrinated and hypno-tweaked to know no fear etc. Part of the cursed 21st founding aaaaaagh. another cursed founding.... other than that, it looks ok. maybe look into the background of the marines as neophytes etc. i do like the idea of flashbacks of their past life though. maybe give another way it affects the marines, rather than giving them self confidence issues! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 I'm starting to pad it out now. One question though, roughly how long would it take to recruit and raise a full chapter with only a first company as a basis? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I'm starting to pad it out now. One question though, roughly how long would it take to recruit and raise a full chapter with only a first company as a basis? A loooooong time. I work on the basis of a hundred years may get you around ten recruits on an average world; there are all kinds of factors recruitment takes into account. That said, and thinking about it a bit, I can imagine that recruiting drives occur far more often in the early life of a Chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 That's what i thought. Maybe they have one big push to get the basis of the chapter done. Then they slow down until the whole ten companies are filled Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Update. Much more depth added. Also: If a marine had tattoo's before his induction, do they get removed? Is there any mention of this occuring at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 The coversation should be in a text box - it doesn't make sense to have it as a part of the IA narrative; should have mentioned that earlier. It looks pretty much the same as the draft you showed to me, but you've tightened the language up so it's looking good; someone with more Dark Angels knowledge may disagree though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Rightio, i've clipped out the conversation. It really doesnt belong in an IA. I'll just have to include it in the fluff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aegnor Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I like this overall - some interesting ideas. The section on the Nexiam war seems a bit long compared to the rest. And I reckon something a bit more serious is needed to spark your CM's crisis of faith, than just the Anarch saying something nasty. That said, I did take from it that the CM maybe already had some doubts due to the organ rejection/geneseed flaw, which is a good touch. Could the more serious geneflaw manifest in what appears to be an isolated case shortly before the confrontation with the Anarch? If the Anarch then turned out to be one of the Fallen, and maybe made a reference to "your nightmares" to the CM that made him suspect a connection, before brutally murdering the CM's oldest friend or similar, that would more believably prompt such a serious turmoil for your protagonist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I like this overall - some interesting ideas. The section on the Nexiam war seems a bit long compared to the rest. And I reckon something a bit more serious is needed to spark your CM's crisis of faith, than just the Anarch saying something nasty. That said, I did take from it that the CM maybe already had some doubts due to the organ rejection/geneseed flaw, which is a good touch. Could the more serious geneflaw manifest in what appears to be an isolated case shortly before the confrontation with the Anarch? If the Anarch then turned out to be one of the Fallen, and maybe made a reference to "your nightmares" to the CM that made him suspect a connection, before brutally murdering the CM's oldest friend or similar, that would more believably prompt such a serious turmoil for your protagonist. So when Malfurios n confronts Balethorn, the Anarch reveals the truth that he is fallen and that the Astral Wasps/ The Angelic Court are doomed to their genetic flaw? And you have hit the nail on the head with the serious manifestation of their genetic flaw after the conflict with the Anarch. Maybe if Malfurios had isolated dreams prior to the conflict that he kept to himself? Then the powers of the chaos pass his curse on to the chapter? Cue entrance from Malfurions closest friends heroic attempt to cut the Anarch short- and save Malfurions sanity- only for him to be cut down by the Fallen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 The Angelic Court An odd name for a Chapter. For starters...court? Whether you're going for the judicial kind or the regal kind, it's still weird. More political than martial. ++++WARNING 'Do not under any circumstances slight this chapters honour, they take even jest seriously and will judge you accordingly. And do not take their silence as arrogance my master made that mistake . . .' ++++ Awkwardly phrased. And, honestly, who would be dumb enough to make jokes about the honor of a Chapter of superhuman giants with power armor, bolters, and spaceships that can kill planets? Gene-seedLion El’Jonson. They are aware of the Dark Angel’s secret and shame. And what do they do about it? TraitsThey are morose, quiet, contemplative out of combat. Their style in combat is brutal, often obsessive and aggressive. The chapter prefers to denounce the enemies of the Emperor up close and personal. People will often say that good writing consists of showing, not telling. While this is a much overplayed statement, you should at least dress this up a little. Home world/ base of operations:As part of the 22st founding in the mid 37th millennium, initial forces were taken from the Dark Angels to form the first company. Originally named the Astral Wasp the new chapter master, an ex Dark Angels Captain, Malfurios took the order in his stride and began to mould the chapter into a strong fighting force. Astral Wasps is a much better name than Angelic Court, frankly. It actually sounds like a Space Marine Chapter. Around a twenty percent of recruits survived to become initiates, which neither impressive nor despairing, slowly started to fill the ranks of The Angelic court, or as they were then called the Astral Wasps. Little did they know that their gene-seed harboured even more secrets. Honestly, this whole setup hasn't been worth the time it took. The first two sections boil down to "their initial recruitment encountered some problems with the Occulobe". While you can dress that up some, it's not worth two sections. Malfurios was the first to reach the pathetic wretch Balethorn but not before the Anarch had whispered his last vile, treacherous words that scared Malfurios to the core. He whispered that the Astral Wasps were weak and they had failed to cast off the shame of their parent chapter and that it was changing them. They would never see the glory of the end of days. The Anarch had voiced the terrible shame with such malice and power the Astral Wasps were changed. Because if there's one thing dedicated Space Marine Chapter Masters (especiallly those descended from the Dark Angels) take seriously, it's the dying words of Chaos-tainted heretics... It was defined and perfect. He was visited by an Angel that explained to him what was happening to the Chapter and how he could save himself and the chapter. OK, what the hell is prompting all this? There's no other examples of a DA successor where this sort of thing happens. Consequently, after sharing his vision with his council, he renamed the chapter ‘The Angelic Court’ and also renamed the first company ‘The Putus’. Their new task was to hunt down any fallen in the whole Imperium of man as a whole company. The Putus? Just call them "The Pure". Don't make people look things up. And don't mix Latin and English. Also, a Spanish insult for ladies of disreputable character just got a lot more comprehensible. Battle cryRepent, for you are lost to glory of the end of days! (Only recorded instances of a 'battlecry' issued by the squad leaders at the crux of the enemies defeat) Again, this is awkward. "Repent, for you are lost to glory!" would probably do it. * * * It takes us a long time to get to things happening, when we get there they seem to come out of nowhere somewhat, and they seem to go nowhere in the end. It's also very heavy on the mysticism, which is usually a bad idea - mysticism usually feels like the deus ex machina it is. Furthermore, why would a Dark Angel be unwilling to Hunt the Fallen? And why would one who was be given command of a Chapter? I think you need to set up the Chapter more clearly as a diligent DA successor, then more clearly explain their crisis of faith. Then deal with getting them back on the path of dereliction of duty and selfishness truth and rightness. Also, I'd really recommend just keeping them as the Astral Wasps. It's a nice enough name, it rolls of the tongue better than Angelic Court, and it actually sounds like a Space Marine Chapter. All of these commend it, IMO. And as a final question: why so much black in the color scheme? And why is the soft armor, of all things, yellow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 And as a final question: why so much black in the color scheme? And why is the soft armor, of all things, yellow? Wasps? Yellow and black creatures? :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 1. I mainly chose the name 'The Angelic Court' so that i wouldn't follow the accepted naming traditions. I personally like the sound of the name, but that is for each man to decide. 2. I've realised that the foreward is awkward and needs tweaking. I was trying to get a feel of the chapter in one sentence before the main body of the text. 3. I get to that later 4. I realise the traits section neeeds a lot of work 5. Same as (1) and the revelation and reconcilliation by Malfurios fuels the name change. 6. I personally believe that this is a vital part to the chapter's history as it forms their first test of faith. After all they have mutations from a gene seed which is fundamentally pure. 7. It's more the words that he takes seriously. They ring true and hit a part of Malfurios deep inside, causing him to realise that he is shaming his heritage as he has been more focussed on devloping the chapter than hunting the fallen. 8. I may hint at the dream is some form of his subconcious saving his fall from grace as he spirals into madness and insecurity. 9. Point taken ;) 10. Also something that needs tweaking. It was initially meant as a denouncement for the heretic that they would no longer fight at the emperors side at the end of days. I jsut don't know how to phrase it. 11. As with all stories they need tweaking and fixing so they read better. Its quite hard to fit a major plot development (which is what i have in my head) into a shorted index astartes without it feeling like Deus Ex Machina. And i am not a fan of overly coloured marines that look like armoured jell babies. And the yellow is going to be closer to gold with more of the detailing picked out with the gold. It's hard to accurately show the scheme I'm planning on the painter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plague Angel Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I'm going to disagree with Octavulg, something I rarely do. "Astral Wasps" sounds silly to me. Partly because of the "ass-ahs" sound it has that strikes my ear as discordant. And an "angelic court" is an accepted religious term and shows up a bit in angelology, so it doesn't sound awkward to me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I'm going to disagree with Octavulg.... I do it all the time, I think he plans to kill me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 1. I mainly chose the name 'The Angelic Court' so that i wouldn't follow the accepted naming traditions. I personally like the sound of the name, but that is for each man to decide. Possibly so, though doing things differently for the sake of doing things differently is often an impulse that should be fought, rather than embraced. Like not using quote tags. [quote][/quote] Just that simple. Also, moving outside more standard naming means your Chapter doesn't fit into the universe as smoothly. Which means your IA opens with something that says "hey, look for flaws in this". Not a good way to start. It is rarely a good idea to break immersion and acceptance unless you have to. 2. I've realised that the foreward is awkward and needs tweaking. I was trying to get a feel of the chapter in one sentence before the main body of the text. Touchy and standoffish doesn't seem like the character of the Chapter in the rest of the IA.. 3. I get to that later Then why bring it up now? 4. I realise the traits section neeeds a lot of work OK. 5. Same as (1) and the revelation and reconcilliation by Malfurios fuels the name change. So he abandons the possibility of redeeming the name and honor of his existing Chapter by changing the name? 6. I personally believe that this is a vital part to the chapter's history as it forms their first test of faith. After all they have mutations from a gene seed which is fundamentally pure. It's not treated as such. Furthermore, weird unexplained mutations raise the question of how they occurred. Furthermore, at the moment the attention feels like it's more on the mutations than on their effects on the spirit of the Chapter. Plus, why do they need more than one crisis of faith? 7. It's more the words that he takes seriously. They ring true and hit a part of Malfurios deep inside, causing him to realise that he is shaming his heritage as he has been more focussed on devloping the chapter than hunting the fallen. There's a whole Inner Circle who would be perfectly willing to tell him if he were shirking his Fallen-hunting duties. It seems a very large reaction to a very minor problem pointed out by a very questionable source for revelations. Tis a tempest in a teacup. 8. I may hint at the dream is some form of his subconcious saving his fall from grace as he spirals into madness and insecurity. It's still weird. :lol: 10. Also something that needs tweaking. It was initially meant as a denouncement for the heretic that they would no longer fight at the emperors side at the end of days. I jsut don't know how to phrase it. I didn't think the heretics were expecting the opportunity, frankly. 11. As with all stories they need tweaking and fixing so they read better. Its quite hard to fit a major plot development (which is what i have in my head) into a shorted index astartes without it feeling like Deus Ex Machina. The Index Astartes format gives you several thousand words. People have fit utterly massive plot developments into IAs before. Hell, it's most of what I do. If you can't put your plot development in a short form without it looking like a deus ex machina, I would wonder if the problem is the development itself. There's nothing wrong with the idea of a Chapter not hunting the Fallen as much as it should, then coming back to the path of righteousness, and it could be executed in this format just fine. However, there is a certain lack of tension (since it kind of resolves everything) and there's a certain pointlessness (since we end up more or less where we started). It's especially odd when it's the Chapter's first Master who wanders away from it - the Dark Angels'-style chapter structure is not exactly set up to encourage apathy toward the issue of the Fallen. A later Master would seem more likely (though still odd). There are two options I would suggest: 1) Don't have them come back to the path of righteousness. Have them be plagued by dreams and misfortune, and have whispers among the Chapter's higher councils that it's because they're not sufficiently dedicated in hunting the Fallen. Leave it open whether that's true or not - adds more tension and room for people to speculate and be interested. Chapter Master slowly collapsing into madness at the same time a plus. 2) Don't have them have a crisis of faith in the same way. Have them be a normal Chapter, who then decides (for whatever reason) that they're not hunting the Fallen enough, and dials it up to eleven. And i am not a fan of overly coloured marines that look like armoured jell babies. And the yellow is going to be closer to gold with more of the detailing picked out with the gold. It's hard to accurately show the scheme I'm planning on the painter. Making the vulnerable points of the armor stick out has always seemed a questionable decision to me. It's not that they're black so much as the guy also has a black cape and black eyes. That's starting to make it seem like you think black is a really cool and exciting color, which it isn't. And before you say "the Chapter has black eyes", I don't think that's likely to have an effect on their armor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xscottfergox Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Possibly so, though doing things differently for the sake of doing things differently is often an impulse that should be fought, rather than embraced. Like not using quote tags. Just that simple. Also, moving outside more standard naming means your Chapter doesn't fit into the universe as smoothly. Which means your IA opens with something that says "hey, look for flaws in this". Not a good way to start. It is rarely a good idea to break immersion and acceptance unless you have to. I'm sticking with the name that i prefer, and I dont personally think there is anything wrong with a little individualism in a universe where any fan based fiction is whipped into shape because of the sheer amount of established fluff already out. Besides it isnt like im naming them the 'court of minor infringements of the heretical nature'. The 'Angelic' part refers to their father chapter and the 'Court' hints at the part they play in dishing out justice to heretics. Touchy and standoffish doesn't seem like the character of the Chapter in the rest of the IA.. Not so much touchy in the broad sense of the word, but touchy with certain subjects i.e. their honour as a descendant chapter of the Dark Angels. Then why bring it up now? Touché So he abandons the possibility of redeeming the name and honor of his existing Chapter by changing the name? I see the renaming of the chapter more of part of their road to redemption. They drop any ties and connections with the original chapter's attitude and embrace the way of The Dark Angels, how Malfurios was taught and how he should have initally raised the chapter. It's not treated as such. Furthermore, weird unexplained mutations raise the question of how they occurred. Furthermore, at the moment the attention feels like it's more on the mutations than on their effects on the spirit of the Chapter. Plus, why do they need more than one crisis of faith? I may change this approach slightly and drop the eye mutations. As a plot line it is a bit cumbersome that they have two seperate mutations manifest at different times. Furthermore i've had thoughts on developing the 'mutation' of the veterans and the chapter master to be ONLY their mutations as they were originally Dark Angels and their subconcious begins to eat away in their minds, causing the reconcilliation of their righteousness and their true cause. Ipso-facto the veterans get formed into 'the pure' while the rest of the chapter retains its semblence as a normal chapter, effectively saving the veterans and Malfurios' fall. There's a whole Inner Circle who would be perfectly willing to tell him if he were shirking his Fallen-hunting duties. It seems a very large reaction to a very minor problem pointed out by a very questionable source for revelations. Tis a tempest in a teacup. Maybe if I tell the story as if the veterans and Malfurios begin questioning their righteousness and divergence from the Dark Angels as they fight 'meaningless' (in the sense of the fallen) fights. Leading to the reconcilliation when they encounter their first fallen as a chapter by pure chance. It's still weird. <_< Needs work, ill admit that. But this is my first attempt at IA I didn't think the heretics were expecting the opportunity, frankly. Are you suggesting that when a space marine chants 'death to the heretic' etc the heretic is expecting anything else? There's nothing wrong with the idea of a Chapter not hunting the Fallen as much as it should, then coming back to the path of righteousness, and it could be executed in this format just fine. However, there is a certain lack of tension (since it kind of resolves everything) and there's a certain pointlessness (since we end up more or less where we started). It's especially odd when it's the Chapter's first Master who wanders away from it - the Dark Angels'-style chapter structure is not exactly set up to encourage apathy toward the issue of the Fallen. A later Master would seem more likely (though still odd). Maybe if i shorten the age of the chapter drastically so that they are left with their choice at the end of M41 (game time)? Making the vulnerable points of the armor stick out has always seemed a questionable decision to me. It's not that they're black so much as the guy also has a black cape and black eyes. That's starting to make it seem like you think black is a really cool and exciting color, which it isn't. And before you say "the Chapter has black eyes", I don't think that's likely to have an effect on their armor. After consideration the dark cloak doesn't work, and neither do the eyes. And i didn't do it because i thought black is 'cool or exciting' I simply liked the scheme. As Juan has suggested i am going to go for red cloaks. Maybe red eyes too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I'm sticking with the name that i prefer, and I dont personally think there is anything wrong with a little individualism in a universe where any fan based fiction is whipped into shape because of the sheer amount of established fluff already out. Besides it isnt like im naming them the 'court of minor infringements of the heretical nature'. The 'Angelic' part refers to their father chapter and the 'Court' hints at the part they play in dishing out justice to heretics. Then call them the Angels of Judgment, why not? Fits more with Space Marine names, more with how DA successors are names, and is much more direct about its meaning. Frankly, when I see 'court' in the context of 40K, I think "hangers-on of a king" not "judiciary". Not so much touchy in the broad sense of the word, but touchy with certain subjects i.e. their honour as a descendant chapter of the Dark Angels. Still isn't really coming across at the moment, IMO. I may change this approach slightly and drop the eye mutations. As a plot line it is a bit cumbersome that they have two seperate mutations manifest at different times. Furthermore i've had thoughts on developing the 'mutation' of the veterans and the chapter master to be ONLY their mutations as they were originally Dark Angels and their subconcious begins to eat away in their minds, causing the reconcilliation of their righteousness and their true cause. Ipso-facto the veterans get formed into 'the pure' while the rest of the chapter retains its semblence as a normal chapter, effectively saving the veterans and Malfurios' fall. Spiritual wrong given physical expression is a sound concept in the Imperium, but it usually takes a little more than this. i.e. Chaos. Maybe if I tell the story as if the veterans and Malfurios begin questioning their righteousness and divergence from the Dark Angels as they fight 'meaningless' (in the sense of the fallen) fights. Leading to the reconcilliation when they encounter their first fallen as a chapter by pure chance. That'd work pretty well, actually. Good thinking. Needs work, ill admit that. But this is my first attempt at IA True. I never said there weren't reasons why it was weird. :tu: Are you suggesting that when a space marine chants 'death to the heretic' etc the heretic is expecting anything else? Death, they might not be expecting. Calling them heretics, I think they might. Maybe if i shorten the age of the chapter drastically so that they are left with their choice at the end of M41 (game time)? Makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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