Brother Evar Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Index Astartes- Gore Serpents (Cruor Anguis) The Gore Serpents have been serving the Emperor faithfully for an age. However those things forgotten, those acts committed and those yet to pass may be the chapter's downfall...one day. Origins- The Gore Serpents were founded in the 33rd millennium, though the exact date is not known to the chapter. According to the chapter’s librarium archives their earliest engagement was on a planet named Faryar located in the Ultima Segmentum, nearby the Mordant Zone in 153.889. M33. Faryar was a temperate world with a nearby mineral rich asteroid field and small satellite moon. There are several other uninhabited dead worlds within the system called the Wraith Traverse. The planet had rebelled against the Imperialum and declared its independence. There were also reports of the planet having dealings with the xenos Eldar, aiding them in piracy against the shipping of loyal planets in nearby systems. The Chapter Master at the time Kurt Styer mobilized the whole chapter to war. He was determined to make an example of the planet and demonstrate the fate of traitors against the Emperor. Styer was cruel and proud, keen to show the other Astartes his chapter’s prowess. On arrival at Faryar the chapter fleet made the warp jump to real space too close to the planet and were attacked immediately by the elder vessels in orbit. The space battle was short and brutal with the Gore Serpents utterly destroying the Eldar fleet but at a great cost. The fleet lost their only battle barge Atra Mortis and four strike cruisers- Cruor Pretium, Imperator Ira, Ultionis Proeliator and Pax Custodis. Among these vessels were the 3rd, 7th, 1st and 9th companies of the chapter. After the space battle barely one hundred marines across the four companies survived the destruction of the ships they were stationed on. Their once proud fleet was reduced down to a mere six Strike Cruisers. Furious at such losses inflicted on his chapter He ordered an immediate combat drop with the remainder of the companies onto the planets surface. Styer then organized the companies into heavily mechanized battle formations with the remaining armoured assets- rhino’s, land raiders, predators and whirlwinds distributing the few bikes and land speeders among them. Four days of continuous offensive action saw all armed resistance on the planet swiftly crushed. The planetary PDF, and the few surviving Eldar slain to the last. No quarter was given to surrendering PDF forces. Styer then decided that the rebellious planet should be made to pay for its crimes. As the Chapter had no home world it took Faryar and the Wraith Traverse as its own. The people would compensate the Gore Serpents for their losses through blood, labour, manpower and production. Along with the battle barge they lost many of their relics- Serpent Guard raiments, many of their terminator suits and their entire librarium archives. The Serpent Saga Five years before the Serpents arrived in the Wraith Traverse, the Chief Librarian Jamar had a vision of a great and terrible power that would break free of its prison at this point of a unique celestial event that would occour. The Serpants arrived at the planet- Kitwar. A tropical feral world populated by savage humans who worshipped a being they referred to as “Void Serpent”. Kurt Styer and Chief Librarian Jamar decended to the planet below, accompanied by the chapter honour guards and the entire chapter Librarium all clad in Terminator armour. The battle was great and the cost high, though the Serpents were victorious. They managed to weaken the creature with many wounds before it was able to be re-bound within the temple. After the battle the cult of the void was purged from the planet in a quick and decisive campaign. Jamar took all of the Cult of the Void’s texts for further study and secured them in the chapter’s Librarium aboard the battle Barge Atra Mortis. Today some members of the Conclave now believe that the destruction of the Atra Mortis and the contact with the eldar within the Wraith Traverse was no coincidence. The Librarians remain adamant that there are no surviving Cult of the Void texts, though they are given the benefit of the doubt by the Conclave, such is the esteem they are held within the chapter. The Time of Restoration- The Gore Serpents set about re-building their chapter strength using the manpower and recourses of Faryar and the Wraith Traverse. The population were enslaved and placed in prison type camps. They were made to undertake all the labour that was required to help re-build the chapter. Also the survivors were subjected to screening by the chapter’s chaplains and librarians to root out deviants and heretics. Many of the planet’s citizens were purged because of these rigours screenings. These screenings also served another purpose- to find a new generation of recruits to become space marines to replace the chapter’s losses. One of the chapter’s more notorious culls was when Chaplin Hendrich Varren ordered the weapons testing of newly constructed whirlwinds, vindicticators and thunder hawks against a prison camp of 150,000 people.The chapter justified their actions by claiming they were re-integrating the world back into the Imperialum and destroying the last remnants of Xenos sympathisers and rebels. The Gore Serpents believed that the people of Faryar were good Imperials just misguided and turned by a few deviants. Thus Faryar became little more than a fortified place to equip and a recruitment point for the chapter. Four hundred years later the Gore Serpants had renewed its strength and was ready once again to wage war proper in the Emperor’s name. Chapter master Kurt Styer was right in that the people of Faryar would pay dearly for their crimes; their once temperate world has become a desert waste and its population was worn down to a tenth of its size at the time at the last official census by the administorium. In the eyes of the Gore Serpents the sins of the populace of Faryar have been atoned for and those that still live are as loyal to the Emperor as any other ordered Imperial world. Post Time of Restoration- When the Gore Serpents restored their strength they immediately began to take the fight to the enemies of humanity. All across the Ultima Segmentum they waged war. From the Maelstrom to the Ghoul Stars and all the way to the Eastern Fringe they purged xenos, rebel, heretic and the traitor marines of the Horus Heresy. Many battles and honours were won by the chapter. The purging of the Dark Eldar Kabal “Flesh Splicers”, the victory on Uragoth V against the Black Company of Demon Prince Lithiatus of the Black Legion, the destruction of a Necrontyr tomb world with the aid of two Imperial Guard legions, an Imperial Navy battle group and the Death Specters 3rd Company. The list of honours won goes on. The most recent action the chapter has undertaken is a crusade against the Tau in the eastern fringe. The Tau are getting too ambitious with the absence of many Imperial forces which are fighting in the Eye of Terror against Abbadon’s 13th Black Crusade. This the Gore Serpants cannot tolerate as the Tau turn Imperial worlds over to their cause. Such a thing was ruled unacceptable by the conclave, considering the problems they faced on Faryar long ago. The conclave decreed nothing but the whole deployment of the chapter against the Tau would be enough to meet this rising threat to the Imperialum. However contact has been made with Night Lords chaos space marines in the region who seem intent on confronting the chapter. Home world- Faryar was once a verdant paradise with a variety of differing climates on each of its many continents surrounded by oceans. With the arrival of the Gore Serpents the climate and landscape changed as they launched a highly destructive ground war when the planet rebelled along with an intense orbital bombardment with the fleet. The pollution made by heavy and intense industry ruined the planet’s environment, drying up the oceans and turning the planet into a desert wasteland with toxic rivers. The people grew tough and hardy in such a dangerous environment with only the strong surviving their first few years of life. Unbelievably the planet’s population is on the rise at a higher than average rate for a planet of its class designation. However this is a mixed blessing for the populace. Due to the planet’s environment the Gore Serpents and PDF are vigilant in purging mutation that manifests itself in the population to keep the integrity of human genetics intact. The populace is organized into hive cities, while mutants and criminals prowl the wastes of the planet. The criminal underworld plays a major part in Faryar’s society. Styer decided that the planets social structure would remain intact to ensure the inhabitants would not grow soft with the trappings of a fully civilized and ordered society. Also he was sure the existing cartels would only re-invent themselves as hive gangers and continue to rebel against what would be perceived as a puppet government. Thus there would be no true peace. There are no royalty or aristocrats on Faryar only cartels and crime lords. The workers are protected from their superiors repression in exchange for a portion of their wages. The only distraction for the populace are the pit fights and larger areana battles, organized by the cartels for the entertainment of the people. As the planet must make weapons, war gear and supplies constantly for the Serpents, PDF and for new colonies on the system’s dead worlds. Cartels are financed by the very Imperialum. Fearing censure from the Serpents no production disruptions are ever conducted. Things do go missing like body armour, gear and weaponry for the PDF and colonists. When such anomalies are detected overseers make up the short fall by rostering extra shifts. This exploitation is not covered by protection payments as the cartels know the short falls will bring more attention to their activities. Many disgruntled PDF troopers join the cartels when they are discharged or retire from duty. They then go about making a quick pile of credits to live off when they get old and settle old scores and feuds. Such men are invaluable as their enhancement and training make them excellent enforcers, strongmen and body guards. The Serpents are aware of this situation though they turn a blind eye for several reasons. As long as quota’s are met, their equipment is not the stock that goes missing and there is no ulterior motive of the cartels besides greed, profits and status. The cartels learned this the hard way when a bolter commissioned for Chaplain Pulpios IX was stolen from an artisan who was crafting the casing of the weapon. He took a thunder hawk and two assault squads to get it back. Within hours the criminal base was destroyed and no survivors left. He retrieved his bolter and executed those responsible for its theft with that very weapon. Mutants are a constant problem on the planet. Most births go un- recorded and those born as mutants are not all killed promptly. Quite a few are abandoned down sewers and left outside the hives- many parents can’t bring themselves to follow Imperial law to the letter and cast out the mutant, especially their own child. Some die when disposed of in this manner, others are found by other mutants and taken in. Its even rumoured that there are mutant pit fighters outside the hive in the smaller settlements, though none are ever found come inspections. Regular purges are conducted by the PDF and Serpent scouts often go out to fight mutants for combat practise. Mutation is something that can only be kept in check because as long as there are people there is always the potential for mutation. The most worrying mutation is rouge psykers. These are of great importance as the Serpents need librarians and they are the hardest member of any chapter to replace. Librarian Herkdon was one of the sons of a past Kitwar Planetary Governor who gave up his son to the Serpents. Others however must be put down as they are too old and the potential for possession high. Many mutants have tried to align themselves with the cartels but have been refused. The Cartels know what fate would await them if they did. They once courted Xenos and that was a disaster- doing so with mutants would end no better. Not to mention most of their best muscle being former PDF troopers- highly indoctrinated, Xenophobic and pro human would not stand for their bosses to be aligned with such degenerates. In light of this environment the new PDF of the planet made some changes to the soldiers in its service. With the assent of the Gore Serpents, the soldier’s biology has been altered. This has been done with bio-engineering- modified glands, organs and partial cybernetic enhancement. As a result the soldiers are quite strong and resilient than normal, though not even close to a space marine in comparison. These soldiers keep order and justice on the planet as well as defend it if there ever was an invasion. On rare occasions the chapter will make use of several such units when they go to war. They pose as mercenaries and integrate themselves into the enemy military structure. Then on an order from the Serpents master play havoc right in the middle of the enemy. However it’s a trick that can only be played once as the units deployed are not battalions but platoon size or less. Many soldiers never make it home when they are used this way. The men’s names are stricken from all records and those that survive then become chapter serfs or lobotomised into servitors. It is enacted at the discretion of the master in command at the time. This is never spoken of openly in the chapter and some masters are ashamed of such tactics for they are without honour. In recent times at the close of the 41st millennium, use of the PDF outside the system en mass has begun as the new chaptermaster took a portion of the soldiers with him against the Tau in Zeist. Combat Doctrine- The Gore Serpents originally fought exclusively as a highly heavy mechanized force. Never were their marines deployed on the ground without considerable armoured support. A Gore Serpents commander never hesitated to take command of Imperial Guard or PDF forces to support their attacks when the opportunity presented itself. Among the masters of the chapter it is a secret desire to have their own Imperial Guard Legion to exclusively command themselves, as the space marine legions once did during the Great Crusade. Their dream may one day be realized, as many systems are turning over regional defence to chapters willing to take a world in system as their own, in exchange for chapter rulership. Thus some chapters making their own fiefdoms at the close of the 41st millennium, is fast becoming the norm not the exception like Ultramar. The chapter today are more focused on lighter mechanized assaults and constant fire and manoeuvre with close assault tactics. Attacking is how they defend, in that by attacking they are mounting a defence. Their solution to an enemy attack is to launch an immediate counter attack. This attitude causes confusion when the Gore Serpents fight alongside other Imperial forces. Many times have the Gore Serpents promised to help defend a position, only to advance past allied fortifications and trench works to attack advancing enemy forces directly. These bold attacks have three outcomes- the enemy attack is broken and their forces routed, the enemy attack stops dead in its tracks or the assaulting forces of the Serpents are eventually overrun and suffer great losses or even completely destroyed. On several occasions this has happened to the chapter. The main strength of the chapter is with its very flexible interpretation of the codex astartes. However the chapter has been favouring hit and run attacks along with recon in force in recent times. Great importance is placed on their masters in command using their own initiative to outsmart their foes. Today they tend not to work together with other loyalist forces; though do not go out of their way to avoid it. The mantle of command is often taken up by them if they are the only astartes present at the conflict and no Inquisition presence. However it lacks several key skills because those actions are seldom conducted by the chapter. Siege warfare is frowned upon by the chapter’s masters as it is viewed as a waste of the lives of the warriors under their command. Blood Serpent commanders have given their considerable fire support to allied forces besieging or attacking enemy fortifications though even then rarely. It is common practice for the Blood Serpents to waver the honour for storming the breaches when fighting with fellow Astartes. When fighting on their own they do not hesitate to totally destroy the fortification with ordinance and orbital bombardment than assault and besiege it in the traditional manner. Enemies who have faced the Serpents before know of this stance and are desperate to break out so the fortification doesn’t become their tomb before its cut off. In one particular battle where the Ordo Heriticus requested the Serpents to re-take an abandoned Sister chapterhouse keep occupied by chaos forces, they complied. Though not in the way the Ordo Heriticus wanted. They bombed the place flat and Master Theros planted the standard of the 9th Strikeforce Blooded Fang atop the rubble. “We have won a victory and the death of our enemies. This place is taken once again for the Imperialum and the Emperor.” It took decades to excavate the site to reclaim relics and other valued items. And so the newly founded order of the Emerald Eye was also without a base for decades. The primary disquiet for a Gore Serpent commander is his warriors are not wasted in the meat grinder of a siege so unnecessary collateral damage is deemed acceptable. It’s a private joke of the chapter that the damage caused by them during a conflict gives the citizens something to do after the fighting is over as idle hands lead to mischief, according to an old Terran saying. Imperial Guard commanders have begun to loath participating in sieges with the Gore Serpents. They are notorious for ordering guardsmen under their temporary command in wave attacks amidst continuing bombardment of fortifications and entrenched positions to keep the enemy in place and prevent them breaking out. Teleport attack using terminators and drop pod assault are only ever conducted in an emergency situation where there is a need for an immediate response or assistance. Such methods are viewed as reckless by older members of the chapter but are favoured by the younger non traditional marines in positions of command. Organization- Initially the Gore Serpents were codex compliant at their inception, but the Faryar War changed this as the years passed on. The re-organization of the chapter by Styer has been unchanged for many years with successive chapter masters expanding on the early ideas of Styer. The Chapter has no permanent companies- this is because of the chapters fluctuating numbers through constant war deployments. The chapter’s space marines still have the codex designations of scout, tactical, assault and devastator and maintain the ten man squad number with squad leader, though they have many different functions in the chapter alongside their more traditional roles. Their leadership is unique as it is made up of the Conclave and the Masters. Styer declared that knowledge was not to be squandered by a select few individuals, lest their loss loses that specialist knowledge to the chapter forever. This teaching has been followed by the chapter, much to its own benefit. Styer also decreed that each marine designation was to have recognized veteran units who were to assist the drill masters in the training of the other marines, as well as being on active duty. Each Marshal Superior has several such squads under their command and they represent the most skilled and experienced warriors of their designation. Scouts perform all of the traditional roles as they do in codex chapters like recon, hit and run, assassinations, sabotage and so on. The Gore Serpents are unique in that once a scout becomes a full battle brother he gains the chance to serve in the scouts at any time in his Astartes career. This custom was a carry on from the days of Styer as chapter master who made this ruling so the scouts could be integrated quickly into the chapter proper by learning from the older Astartes. Older space marines re-join the scouts for many reasons though the most common is to prove that their age has not diminished their material skill, as the scouts undertake many dangerous assignments on their own with little or no support. This ensures only the strongest end up surviving to become full battle brothers. No chapter master since Styer has challenged this chapter law and none probably ever will. Upon full induction as a fully fledged space marine, they wear black armour with white details. This white symbolizes youth, the black serves to remind them of their fate as only in death dose duty end. Should they survive after their first few battles, they gain the right to wear the full chapter colours of black and red, casting aside the white, as they are now a true Serpent, having embraced the mantle of a proven warrior. The Serpents believe in inner strength and ability, so while in training each recruit is watched carefully to determine where they will best serve. As a result many serpents The Serpents believe in inner strength and ability, so while in training each recruit is watched carefully to determine where they will best serve.Tactical marines still perform the traditional role as space marine line infantry as well as learning a specialist skill set. Squad members who show an aptitude for aggression and exceptional boldness receive special weapon training with melta guns, flamers and plasma guns. Each tactical marine is taught how to drive and man the weapons systems of rhino and razorback transports. Those that display great skill and ability in piloting these transports are then taught to pilot the chapter’s Land raiders. In addition to this the tech marines teach rudimentary vehicle repair and vehicle weapons maintenance. This becomes important as at times a techmarine is not always on hand to fix a problem with a vehicle when the marines are in the field for extended periods. While these field repairs are no substitute for a proper overhaul done by a tech marine, they substantially increase the operational life of the vehicle in the field. The Adepteus Mechanicus do not approve of the chapter’s policy on such openness with the rites of the omnissiah amongst those not initiated into the cult of the machine. The chapter’s tech marines are of the opinion that they do not want to risk the marines abandoning vehicles in the field when they suffer from things that are relatively minor or trivial to repair. This is due to the fact that such vehicles can be unintendedly left behind or worse destroyed and captured. Assault marines operate largely on the same line as those of codex chapters. Each marine is taught how to pilot bikes and land speeders along with their variants. Due to the chapter having a small number of land speeders and the complexity of their inner workings assault marines do not learn the repair and maintenance procedures, instead this is the responsibility of the tech marines. Bikes are considerably less complex than land speeders and the chapter maintains a great number of them, so assault marine’s posses more technical knowledge on these than the land speeders. As a result they learn the proper repair and maintenance rites for the bikes they ride into battle. Devastators are not only gifted as being heavy weapons troops, but in the Gore Serpents they are responsible for the chapter’s ordinance. Whirlwinds, vindicticators and thunder hawk gunships are operated and maintained by the marines with devastator designation. Devastators and tactical squad heavy weapons troops have a rivalry of sorts, saying jokingly that being transferred to a tactical squad where their shooting doesn’t look as bad compared to their peers. This however is an understatement as only exceptionally skilled heavy weapons troops who are able to master all man portable heavy weaponry space marines utilize join a tactical squad. The forge master and assistant tech marines fix the badly damaged vehicles and war gear of their brothers. They are also responsible for the few surviving predators the chapter has. Only three predators survived the Kitwar rebellion- one destructor, one ahnniolator and one configured between the two. As the last three in the entire chapter the tech marines added pintle storm bolters, hunter killer missiles, dozer blades and extra armour to all three. This was done to ensure their survivability for future use. The three are always fielded together as a squadron called “Serpent’s Fang”. The Gore Serpents leadership is made up of the Chapter Master, Chief Librarian, Master of Sanctity, the Forge master, Marshal Superior of Tactical Squads, Marshal Superior of Assault Squads, Marshal Superior of Devastator Squads, Marshal Superior of Auxiliary (scouts) and Master Chief Supreme a title exclusively held by the Chapter Master who commands the chapter’s terminators who also act as his body guards as one of their duties. The Gore Serpents high command is simply referred to as “the Conclave”. Below these individuals are just the regular masters who more commonly command the chapter’s warriors in battle. Chaplains and Librarians fall under this designation as do veteran marines promoted to master status due to a combination of experience, knowledge and material skill. This second tier of command is known as the Trivicouncil of equals. They are responsible for sorting out disputes between the other chapter members. Disputes amongst the Trivicouncil members are sorted out by the conclave. All members of the Trivicouncil are equals despite age, experience and duration of service. Beliefs- The Gore Serpents believe in Jaghatai Khan as their primarch and the Emperor as a great leader of humankind. As Astartes they believe they are his chosen and as such tend to look down on other Imperial organizations as inferior, though still manage to get along with them. The sole exception to this is the Inquisition whom the chapter is neutral to due to its interference in the chapter’s affairs over time. Some chapter masters let Inquisitors command their space marines, the Gore Serpents flat out refuse to associate themselves with the inquisition in any meaningful way. While this is fine due to Astartes autonomy, relations between the two have been civil but not entirely friendly. However the chapter does send marines to serve in the Death-watch as a small concession to the Inquisition. Over time this has become to be appreciated and the Ordos Xenos has a high opinion of the chapter. The Ordos Xenos is aware of the events surrounding the chapter and the Wraith Traverse and sends frequent requests for assistance when they go up against any Eldar faction. This often opens up old wounds within the chapter, though they know this is done intentionally by the Ordo. Playing off old hatred s to gain help- the Serpents in these instances only consider going if there is more than purging a few Xenos at stake. When the chapter goes to war the conclave is gathered and “Bellum Conventio” begins. Each of the Marshal Superior’s provides the Chapter master with a report of all the squads under their command. The chapter Master decides which Master, Chaplain or Librarian will lead the battle group. It is then up to the appointed commander to draw on chapter recourses appropriate to the threat. There must however always be a second chosen by the appointed commander. This is another master of the Trivicouncil that accompanies the force to assist the appointed commander. The second is then under direct orders from his counter-part for the duration of the conflict. The chapter master then approves of the force mustered by the chosen commander. The force is usually approved but sometimes rejected. As when Master Valarian Orthium had a force made up exclusively of just newly inducted brothers to fight against Waaagh! Radagz! He was made to include some veteran squads and squad leaders from the Marshal superior’s squads. Losses would have been high with such a green force. Once these details have been finalized a designation is given- strike force, battle group or crusade depending on the nature and size of the conflict. A banner is then made that becomes similar to a company banner. After a conflict has ended it is displayed for a time then stored away with the other chapter relics. Over time the chapter has accumulated thousands of such banners, each an important piece of the chapter’s legacy and some of the finest things the chapter owns. The dead are written upon a rota of sacrifice, great scrolls dedicated to those who have died in the Emperor’s name. These are then burned along with the marine’s body if it was recovered from the conflict he participated in. The ashes are then mixed in strong wine and every member of the chapter drinks a cup. This way the dead continue to live on through the living. It is nothing more than a symbolic gesture and an ode to the fallen. The White Scars have deemed that the Gore Serpents have strayed somewhat from the teachings of the Khan and other successors believe them to be unstable. Conquerors, destroyers and executioners are what they really are and they always proudly show their true colours. As a result they have adopted a stylised form of a winged blood drop to show the origins of their lineage- the death of the Void Serpent and the chapters sacrifice, as told in the Serpent Saga. Geneseed- The Gore Serpents know that they are of the line of Jaghatai Khan, though are unsure of which chapter they originate from. Imperial scholars believe they are from one of the later founded chapters, not the White Scars themselves. Many believe them to be somehow derived from the Rampagers, due to a similar level of aggression. Battle cry- The chapter has a chant that keeps them focused and prepares them for the coming bloodshed- “Abbas, domo mihi robur et trucido mea inimicus!” “Father, to give me strength and to kill cruelly my foe!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ringlancer Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Absolutely love the name! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generating Random Name... Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Nice! Not much I can say, it was long, gripping, exciting and I can't wait for more *Wink Wink* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Forcystus Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Pretty cool name, though it sounds kinda chaos-ish, still cool though. Im interested to see how this goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Thankyou for all the replies, I am glad people are enjoying it so far. I will put up the next part soon. I just want to iron things out as I put stuff up, instead of doing an uber edit. Also again I thought this part was short, thats why I will put it out in parts, to be mnore mannageable as it currently is pushing about 6,000 words at the moment and is likely to exceed that. Just want feedback on how it all sounds and if it dose mesh together well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 **Consolidated post into one.** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I do not lie when I tell you the name reminds me of intestines and disembowelment. It is up to you to decide whether or not this is a good thing. For ease of reading I also recommend that you compile your ideas into your first post, believe me when I say it will be much easier to refer to a single OP than through an entire thread for a single section. The Serpants arrived at the planet, a tropical feral world populated by savage humans who worshipped a being they referred to as “Void Serpent”. Unless it's being hinted that the records from the worshipers of the Void Serpent mixed with the Chapter, I'd change the name to avoid any idea of taint between the cult and the Chapter. These needles pogroms against the population led to the chapter being called into account by the administorium. If the population is known for piracy, and aided by the Eldar, why would the administorium care about this? The Imperium is a very unforgiving place, the death sentence of a world's population is not alien to it. Considering how two sentences are dedicated to the fiasco, both of which end with the idea that nothing really happened, I'd remove it. The Gore Serpents believed that the people of Faryar were good Imperials just misguided and turned by a few deviants. This should be mentioned before it's stated that the population is being tested for recruits. Otherwise, it reads like the Chapter is recruiting traitors. The closest parallel I can see is the Night Lords recruiting psychopaths, and that didn't turn out very well. Chapter master Kurt Styer was right in that the people of Kitwar would pay dearly for their crimes; their once temperate world has become a desert waste and its population of 951,000,000 reduced down to 143,000,000 at the last official census by the administorium. Kitwar? I don't know how, but I got lost just by reading about two conflicts on two separate worlds. If this is the first tropical world then I've made sense of it, if not then I'm confused. I know I'm usually the first to push for facts and hard numbers, but IAs aren't really the place for them beyond dates or foundings. You've also said that this is a feral world, so in other words, I don't think that Jungle Tarzan would have taken very kindly to filling out census forms. Post Time of Restoration Please understand me when I say this, and don't take too much offense because everything before this is pretty solid, but this entire paragraph stinks of MISS (Me? I'm So Super). Most heretics went headlong into the Galactic West and the Eye of Terror after the Heresy and didn't get much farther from there. Warp Storms like the Maelstrom didn't have much in the way of Chaos Marines until Huron turned. A Dark Eldar Kabal is huge. Consider that it is a like a noble house with branches in the Webway, pirate branches, and all the other nasties Commorragh has to offer. The Imperial Guard doesn't organize itself into Legions. Finally, the Tau are seriously just an example of the pin pricks that the Imperium faces throughout the galaxy, the would be empires that are so afraid of the Imperium of Man. Too much in too little space. Also, if they're this widespread, where is their home. You said yourself their "once proud" fleet was decimated. Were they fleet based? Are they still? And just because the puzzle piece doesn't really fit, and yes it does matter, why were the Eldar helping humans in the first place? Were they helping at all, or manipulating? Were they Craftworld Eldar or Dark Eldar, the Imperium doesn't differentiate between the two. Solid, just a few holes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Thankyou for your reply KingHongKong, just what I was looking for. Some of the IA is confusing as the other part will make it clear (homeworld section). Don't take my following reply as being negative, just an opinion of my running thoughts as this IA is obviously still a WIP- I do not lie when I tell you the name reminds me of intestines and disembowelment. It is up to you to decide whether or not this is a good thing. They are space marines, I don't see how this would bother them. :D For ease of reading I also recommend that you compile your ideas into your first post, believe me when I say it will be much easier to refer to a single OP than through an entire thread for a single section. Good point, I will consolidate when I put up the next part. The Serpants arrived at the planet, a tropical feral world populated by savage humans who worshipped a being they referred to as “Void Serpent”. Unless it's being hinted that the records from the worshipers of the Void Serpent mixed with the Chapter, I'd change the name to avoid any idea of taint between the cult and the Chapter. Typo. Homeworld main planet from Wraith traverse as per the origion not saga, not Void serpent one wich was purged. These needles pogroms against the population led to the chapter being called into account by the administorium. If the population is known for piracy, and aided by the Eldar, why would the administorium care about this? The Imperium is a very unforgiving place, the death sentence of a world's population is not alien to it. Considering how two sentences are dedicated to the fiasco, both of which end with the idea that nothing really happened, I'd remove it. True, that would make sense, I just read what the Iron Hands did in the SM dex, so that was dumb what I wrote. :D The Gore Serpents believed that the people of Faryar were good Imperials just misguided and turned by a few deviants. This should be mentioned before it's stated that the population is being tested for recruits. Otherwise, it reads like the Chapter is recruiting traitors. The closest parallel I can see is the Night Lords recruiting psychopaths, and that didn't turn out very well. That was done on purpose due to the fact Imperials are arrogent and can be complete block heads. It fits Imperial character. Precedent being the Emp, high lords, Inquisitors and any Imperial commander for that matter. There is that possibility, though with the screenings I would imagine hard to achieve for traitors gaining entry. Chapter master Kurt Styer was right in that the people of Kitwar would pay dearly for their crimes; their once temperate world has become a desert waste and its population of 951,000,000 reduced down to 143,000,000 at the last official census by the administorium. Kitwar? I don't know how, but I got lost just by reading about two conflicts on two separate worlds. If this is the first tropical world then I've made sense of it, if not then I'm confused. I know I'm usually the first to push for facts and hard numbers, but IAs aren't really the place for them beyond dates or foundings. You've also said that this is a feral world, so in other words, I don't think that Jungle Tarzan would have taken very kindly to filling out census forms. Kitwar was the name I had for the chapter planet in the Traverse. Sorry for misunderstanding as the Homeworld part is not up yet. Post Time of Restoration Please understand me when I say this, and don't take too much offense because everything before this is pretty solid, but this entire paragraph stinks of MISS (Me? I'm So Super). Most heretics went headlong into the Galactic West and the Eye of Terror after the Heresy and didn't get much farther from there. Warp Storms like the Maelstrom didn't have much in the way of Chaos Marines until Huron turned. A Dark Eldar Kabal is huge. Consider that it is a like a noble house with branches in the Webway, pirate branches, and all the other nasties Commorragh has to offer. The Imperial Guard doesn't organize itself into Legions. Finally, the Tau are seriously just an example of the pin pricks that the Imperium faces throughout the galaxy, the would be empires that are so afraid of the Imperium of Man. Too much in too little space. Also, if they're this widespread, where is their home. You said yourself their "once proud" fleet was decimated. Were they fleet based? Are they still? And just because the puzzle piece doesn't really fit, and yes it does matter, why were the Eldar helping humans in the first place? Were they helping at all, or manipulating? Were they Craftworld Eldar or Dark Eldar, the Imperium doesn't differentiate between the two. Solid, just a few holes. Fair points, though I wish to defend myself from the charge of MISS- The Night Lords specificaly have quite a presence in the eastern fringe as thats where they went postal during the Hereshy. I think Haunter even died out somewhere in the eastern fringe. As far as the Malestorm, a large number of Word Bearers under Kor Pheron/ Erebus (?) fled there after the failed attack on Calth during the Hereshy. They were there long before Huron led the remains of the Asteral Claws there. Even in the crussade the Emp stayed away because it was full of renegade humans and xenos, like orks and would take major recources to pacify from the rest of the crussade and opted for a containment policy. That was way before any marines made the place home. In the new DE dex and current WD a cabal can be as strong as Vects or as minor as only having a few hundered members with few ships. Even a small cabal attacking a is a serious matter and not just a pain in the but. If space marines cannot wipe out a few hundred DE over a few battles then they are not very good SM's are they? Of course there would be SM casualties natch, though its achieveable. IG armies of a few hundred thosand men plus, from different planets and cultures and none at all call their IG army a Legion of something or rather or something as simple as Legion Medusa IX for example? In the IG dex some IG armies call themselves an IG Legion. If the Tau are such pin pricks why are Imperial governers still freaking out in Ziest, the most recent sphere of tau expansion with nothing more to face a renewed attack than depleted IG regiments? If I were an IG governor I would be feeling pretty put out with drip fed IG reinforcements when SM's are whats needed out there. Sicarius abandoned that campaign when they could have made serious headway against the tau with but a chapters worth of combined SM factions, as stated in the dex. If GW and the poter boyz gave up that one I will take it on for some tau purging. They were founded in early M33 and up till the close of M41, thats like 8,000 years to do stuff. I did not date anything except the thing against the tau, the NL and a small under half strength strike force to Help out the White Scars with chaos attacks near them as stated in the SM dex. (Basis of my 1.5K army). Thats not exactly a lot in a short time. I just listed events they took paticular pride in. A chapter will fight thousands of battles not all of them major wars Black Crussade/ Armmagedon style. As far as the eldar thing I left it open ended on purpose. Did they know about the chapters interaction with the Void Serpent? Definately. Was this why they wailed on the chapter so bad? Mabye. There needs to be some conjecture, no way am I writing about the space elves reasoning/ veiw. xenos scum with their pastel colour alien brains. :lol: Just thought I would leave it as "eldar" because it was a while ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Fair. My point on numbers refers to the specific population size of Kitwar. Smudge it. "The population was worn down to a tenth of its size at the time of there heresy." A Kabal will still maintain a presence within the webway. Marines aren't getting into the Dark City anytime soon. Individual planetary governors are not the Imperium. The Imperium regularly crushes upstart empires like the Tau, the Tau just happen to be so out of the way that they haven't gotten around to it. I also refuse to follow the fluff that troops were taken from the Eastern Freaking Fringe to fight on the opposite side of the galaxy against Abaddon's Thirteenth Black Crusade. Your point about dates reminds me, you state that they know which millennium they were found in. Fair game, they lost their Librarium. You're telling me they can't remember which century of the millennium they were founded? There's no record, or no Librarian has a memory of it? It might sound like an oxymoron, but specific rough estimates work for things like this. At least it's better than the Blood Ravens history amnesia :D . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 Fair. My point on numbers refers to the specific population size of Kitwar. Smudge it. "The population was worn down to a tenth of its size at the time of there heresy." A Kabal will still maintain a presence within the webway. Marines aren't getting into the Dark City anytime soon. Individual planetary governors are not the Imperium. The Imperium regularly crushes upstart empires like the Tau, the Tau just happen to be so out of the way that they haven't gotten around to it. I also refuse to follow the fluff that troops were taken from the Eastern Freaking Fringe to fight on the opposite side of the galaxy against Abaddon's Thirteenth Black Crusade. Your point about dates reminds me, you state that they know which millennium they were found in. Fair game, they lost their Librarium. You're telling me they can't remember which century of the millennium they were founded? There's no record, or no Librarian has a memory of it? It might sound like an oxymoron, but specific rough estimates work for things like this. At least it's better than the Blood Ravens history amnesia :rolleyes: . Yeah I smudged it, I like your idea better. I am going off official dex fluff which apparently trumps BL fluff, just like the old IA's trump stupid stuff about the first founding legions/chapters that BL puts out. I think its safer to base IA"s off material like that than BL books. I am not trying to run into the web way and do "allofyourbazes are belogztouz!!- give us back the Khan!", as far as the Serpents concerened- no more DE in system from that group, group never returned= wiped out. The fact that cabal was one I just made up as are all the warbands ect I mentioned I think I could designate one as being completely wiped without disturbing official cannon. B) As for the date thing yeah I cold but I am too lazy to be honest to put specific dates on thes events like a structured timeline. I think its working as it is personally. Ha, Blodd Ravens, I got the WD with their IA in it. It was ambiguous and had mystery, but as the video games came out it just got a whole bunch of stupid. I bet the only SM material they read was the soul drinkers BL books and decided to go on that line. :lol: Also I will just put up everything I have in an uber post in #1, I am running out of time to get this done. Keep the comments comming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 Here is some more stuff that I intend to put into sidemars/boxes to accompany the main IA when I eventually pretty it up with all the nice formatting options the B&C has- Chaptermaster Enkou Wakahisa (sidebar)[/i Enkou was spotted many years ago by a Gore Serpents chapter serf on leave. He was a captured gang juve who used a twin bladed polearm in the fighting pits in an outlying settlement. He was inducted in with a bunch of other hopefuls to begin training into space marines. It is common practice for other youths found in this circumstance to be restrained to prevent them from killing each other. However when the transport made it to the space port, Enkou had somehow slipped his restraints and managed to kill all the other aspirants in the transport. Upon hearing of this the chapter master of the time Ryzo declared Enkou the only aspirant to be recruited in that recruitment cycle, much to the outcry of the Conclave. Enkou underwent the transformative process into a space marine without incident, progressed through scout training in record time. He was put into the assault category, showing little interest in ranged combat apart from a bolt pistol- evidently the only ranged weapon type he had probably used back when he was a juve and in the pits. Such was his close combat ability and leadership skill that he was put in command of an assault squad at 75 years old- something unheard of since the days of Styer when the chapter was woefully under strength. He and his squad were constantly rostered for combat duty on many campaigns, staying at most at the fortress monastery for no more than a few days after their return from each conflict. Enkou’s moment came when his squad encountered a Black Legion strike force of Chosen Terminators. His squad were all slain and only he and Lorcothex, Chosen of Abaddon remained standing. Picking up two chainswords he squared off against his opponent. They fought for hours, though Enkou was victorious, his rage and hatred fuelling his strength, ramming his broken chainswords through Lorcothex’s damaged helm pulping his skull. He was made Master in recognition of his service, though was never given complete command of a strikeforce, due to his lack of understanding of broader tactics and stratagems. Regardless he was content for the moment to be the second in any Gore Serpent force, as he knew he was a good leader for the frontline and a good rally focus point for an attack. In the closing years of the 41st millennium, Chapter Master Ryzo was ambushed and slain by an Alpha Legion assassination force. Enkou stepped up to take on the leadership of the chapter as they needed a great figurehead to rally behind to see them past this disaster. He withdrew all Gore Serpents forces and mustered at Faryar. Deciding against returning to the Eye of Terror to fight against Abaddon’s 13th Black Crussade, he had several other conflicts to commit to. The conclave advised him that they should head to the Malestorm to help embattled White Scars forces stop the assaults by Word Bearer and Red Corsair chaos armies, though Enkou had other ideas. He had heard about the Zeist Campaign against the Tau and how it was recalled. He was unimpressed that it had been completely abandoned and left to under strength Imperial Guard forces to finish and hold. He knew that the Tau would hit back hard and the Guard would have little hope in halting another renewed wave of Tau expansion. After re- forming the chapter it was close to full strength and he sent word to the High Lords of Terra that his chapter would continue the Ziest Campaign- and it would become the Ziest Crusade. In an unprecedented move that shocked the Conclave he ordered 100,000 of the Kitwar PDF to accompany the chapter in this Crusade. Enkou reasoning that the PDF would make a difference in defence of the region while the Gore Serpents confronted the Tau directly. Imperial Commanders in the region are relieved that the Gore Serpents are en route as they believe the Tau to be moving for a large phase of expansion. Chapter relic- Serpent’s Fangs Enkou forged this weapon from the ten chainswords of his fallen squad including his own. Rumour has it within the chapter that Enkou temperd the metals with his own blood- this has neither been denied or confirmed by Enkou himself. The result is a very weighted pole arm weapon with a total of four linked chainsaw blades, two at either end. The motors that power them have been re-worked allowing them to spin at an extremely high rpm, with variable settings for each blade, controlled by pressure pads on the grip points of the weapon. There is no other weapon like it in the entire chapter. I will also be putting my 1500pt Gore Serpent strikeforce fluff up when that is done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 Here is the finished background for my SM force- 7th Strike force “Broken Fangs” The Seventh Strike force “Broken Fangs” was mustered to be sent to the Maelstrom to assist the White Scars against Huron Blackheart’s attacks within the region. Due to the Gore Serpents commitment of engaging the Tau at chapter strength at Zeist, a small force was mustered. This force led by Librarian Herkdon, the Warp Walker was under half a company in strength. Made up of some of the most experienced units of the chapter, what it lacked in numbers it made up for in ability. Taking to the stars in the Strike Cruiser Serpent Coil, with a company of Faryar PDF as ships troops, they made all haste towards the Maelstrom. On arrival in the Maelstrom they begun a series of ship to ship actions against Huron’s renegade pirate allies and fallen rouge trader supply fleets. Tactical squads supported by dreadnaughts breach the doomed vessel and while enemy forces move to deal with this threat there is a teleport attack against the bridge using terminators and a tactical squad gated on to the bridge through the warp by Herkdon himself. Also on direction from the White Scars they hunt Huron’s prominent leaders and allied faction heads. Herkdon and his men mourn the loss of Chaplin Kreos, who died securing the retreat of squad Serpent’s Eye, aboard the Executor Class Grand Cruiser Shaleblight. These measures are beginning to bear fruit, though time will tell what the fate of the Strike force will be as it has now caught the Tyrant’s eye and his displeasure… Librarian Herkdon, the Warp Walker Herkdon is a powerful librarian within the chapter and has an interest in the fundamental nature of the warp. He has based his power around it. As a result he can travel through it over great distances. When doing this with a squad he has lost very few men over the years and is quite talented with this ability. Also he is adept at removing the mystical protections enemies employ through a combination of warpcraft and faith. The Conclave appointed him for this Strike force due to his talents, which are suitable for the appointed mission. With the loss of his close friend Chaplin Kreos he has become withdrawn and reclusive, talking only when issuing orders and plans for the next attack. Terminator Squad “Basilisk” One of the Gore Serpents most honoured and ancient squads the first members accompanied Kurt Styer, the first Chaptermaster as a bodyguard against the Void Serpent. The squad Sargent is always a member of the Serpent Guard and therefore an expert warrior and leader. Ironclad Dreadnaught “Brother Jedor” Entombed in 232. M33 during the battle for Glekus Hive. Dreadnaught “Brother Darius” Entombed in 678. M39 during the Orton Raid. Tactical Squad “Venom” Squad Venom are Herkdon’s favoured squad to accompany him in ship boarding where he supervises the controlled use of the potent melta and plasma weaponry of the squad with devastating effect on a ship’s bridge. Tactical Squad “Serpent’s Eye” One of the most promising squads to hail from the chapter’s recruits they have served with distinction and fight all the harder in honour of Chaplin Kreos and his sacrifice. Tactical Squad “Viper” Each member of the squad has won an Imperial laurel, as they have been instrumental in many recent victories of the chapter. Attack Bike Squadron “Reaver” Reaver squad is responsible for landing a crucial blow on an ork stompa, immobilizing it and allowing it to be picked apart from range. Attack Bike Squadron “Reaper” Squad Reaper accounted for a pair of Red Corsairs preadators which had managed to cut off Squad Venom and Herkdon, during an assassination mission against Demagogue Ardo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Evar Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 *BUMP* I know that its a lot of material to digest, but I had to put it all up, as I have been goping to a lot of job interviews lately and uni is comming up soon for me. I think the fluff is ok, tough I am not sure if the multi culturalisem of the chapter dilutes its character as it has germanic, japanese, latin and greek names for characters. I did put a lot of effort into this as you can tell by its volume. Some more comments if anyone has any? :jaw: It isn't that horrible is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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