Aurelius Rex

I'm glad to have seen the article slowly take shape over the years. I really enjoyed it, Ferrata. :D

Quick thought - why are they called the Rift Lords? Their current home is very 'rift-like' - an area that is a sliver away from the Immaterium - but I take it that they were named this before they found this place. Oh, and another... I may have been outpaced by events, but could their (gene-seed) flaw be that this location, while it provides safety from hunting Imperial forces, is actually really corrupting on the body and gene-seed? I would imagine that such a place would be broadly equivalent to hiding out around a nuclear reactor that has recently gone critical... the 'authorities' are not going to come too close, but it isn't too good for your health! Could the Daemon be helping to protect them from the worst excesses of this - or at least say he is doing it even if he isn't. :)

From a first impression of the article, I think it has a lot of potential. :) If I could make some suggestions, though, I did feel that there was a lot that was unexplained, or speculative at the moment, to the point where I couldn't really get as much of a handle on them. For instance their origins are clouded in mystery, and the gene-seed section seemed more to be a list of possibilities than revealing any more of the story. While ambiguity can work very well in an IA / IT, I think that you may have to reveal a lot more to let the reader connect to them. I did feel that I was missing something in the first couple of sections - with their destruction of the Red Sabres and the intervention of the Stonebound. Was this a vital tie-in to your other IA's? Coming to it cold, and perhaps without the context of the other parts of the puzzle, I wasn't sure what the earlier sections added to their character development. As I felt that the story really started to come alive once they got to the Shroud Stars, perhaps the earlier parts could be edited down or even cut them and focus on this instead unless they add something vital to their character along the way. It may help to get a paragraph or two which really defines their theme - the thing which you can integrate into every part of the IA... They seem to differentiate themselves well from other renegade bands like the Red Corsairs based on their Word Bearer-esque corruption of the populace, and the hold they have over the other renegades from the forge-ship and access to the safe harbour of the warp rift. You of course can't give them too much great stuff without taking something away, or at least make it clear that the faustian pact (noted the name of its ship, by the way) is actually a poisoned chalice. :D

As I understand it Guilliman is the recognised and by far the most consistently used form. I would take any alternate spelling - such as the failure of proofreading which saw it being written as Guilleman (or similar) in the most recent Chaos Space Marines codex - as the simple mistake that it was. ;) Oh, and a very nice guide this has developed into. Although I'm not sure it is the place of this guide to say what armour colours you can and can't (Should / shouldn't?) use. That's more PC&A and personal preference to me. :shrugs: Throwing an idea into the mix for discussion regarding the order of the different sections, if I may: As long as the origins and other history sections come first, I would say that the Beliefs, Homeworld, Organisation, Combat Doctrine, Gene-seed etc etc sections could come in any order as long as it fits the flow. Although the Battle Cry section at the end seems traditional. I have found times where it fits better to have them in a particular order. Would you agree that as long as you cover he bases, the flow is more important than following an arbitrary order set down by GW? It seems that this is your conclusion, so given the lengthy nature of the guide, could the three paragraphs which list the GW IA orders used be boiled down to a more concise sentence or two? :)

I have posted this in its own thread in PCA Hall of Honour, but wanted to add it to the master-IA:Scions of Dorn thread as well for neatness. If only to show that I don't just do Dornian Heresy stuff, and still remember my own DIY chapter. :P Earlier this summer I was working on a Rhino chassis to transport about one of my Scions of Dorn first company squads, and decided to convert up a couple of Razorback turrets for it... and then went for a predator setup while I was at it. It is supposed to represent the evolution of a Rhino from the first time it was supplied to the First Company, through the decades to when it was fitted with a variety of Razorback turrets to add firepower after the squad it is transporting lost a few members, right through to its rebuilding and reconsecration as a Predator after its near-destruction when it sacrificed itself to save the squad it had sworn to protect. First up is Dominar in its Rhino form. The detailing on the front tread guards are made from plasticard - the veteran cross and the shield with red and white checks representing its inclusion in the first company... the checks being a simplified form of the first company captain's personal heraldry. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Troops/Dominar/DominarRhino1.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Troops/Dominar/DominarRhino2.jpg Then upgraded to the Stronos, or 'Lasplas' Razorback form. This is a relatively simple conversion from the TLLC kit, with the plasmaguns replacing one of the lascannons. It is inspired by an incredibly impressive Imperial Fist Stronos that graced this board some time in the last year IIRC. Sorry, but I have forgotten the name of the person who posted it. :lol: All of my Scions Razorbacks have the same larger gunshield which leaves more room for the winged marine helm insignia: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Troops/Dominar/DominarStronosBeta1.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Troops/Dominar/DominarStronosBeta2.jpg The turret above was a lot easier to convert than the much more complex version I created a few years ago! Here it is bolted onto the same chassis for comparison. Personally I like both styles. :) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Troops/Dominar/DominarStronosAlpha.jpg And a twin linked Assault Cannon turret kitbashed pretty simply from HB razor turret and the assault cannon barrels from the new plastic Baal Predator I hacked up: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Troops/Dominar/DominarTLACRazorback.jpg This is what I used the rest of the new Baal Predator bitz for... the new sponsons are a lot less fragile too! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Heavy%20Support/DominarPredator1.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v732/AureliusRex/Scions%20of%20Dorn/Heavy%20Support/DominarPredator2.jpg Now that I see the pics, I can spot all manner of little niggles... most of all the lack of weathering and paint chips. That's going to bug me until I fix that now! B) Hope you like them... Regards, Aurelius.

Good to see you again, schoon. Hey - this thread is so old that I gave feedback on it back when I was still a Liber Astartes mod! :yes: Back on-topic, the colourscheme seems a little busy for a basic trooper. I was going to say the yellow on the hands and knees seemed to detract, but then I use different colour gauntlets and ornament the knees for my Scions of Dorn, so that probably isn't a great example to use. :lol: Regards, Aurelius.

It would have to explain exactly how the wing organisation is different, and better for their particular needs, than the company organisation structure. The company structure can be pretty fluid and adaptable to the quirks of your own chapter's combat doctrine, and at the moment it sounds like they have simply renamed 'company' to 'wing'. If it is a matter of needing to have self-contained companies each with veterans and scouts, then that fits in more with the kind of organisational structure of the Iron Hands, Black Templars or the White Scars - it may be worth considering if one of those chapters could be the parent rather than the Crimson Fists as they seem to be a better fit, especially as the Night Scorpions also seem to have the wing / wing commander structure firmly in place before the Necrons attacked.

OK, more... Organisation I think it needs to be firmly compellingly established why, if they are of Crimson Fist parentage, they have taken such a radically different organisation. Also, why choose 'wings' as your name for 'companies'? I wrote this a few days ago in response to CantonWC's Dark Swords IA if you will permit the cut'n'paste... So to me, the deviation from the parent chapter is pretty big, and - at the moment - there doesn't seem to be any compelling reason for the change. That is not to say 'don't do it!', but if you decide to go with this variant organisation, then you will really need to come up with a solid, well thought-out rationale to properly sell it beyond 'Just because!' :) To me, the organisation seems more in line with the Black Templars than the Crimson Fists at the moment. You also mention that Wing lieutenant Aeolus killed the daemon with his force sword. This would mean that he was a librarian / psychic. Is Wing lieutenant a variant name for a librarian in the chapter? Gene-seed The Dorn geneseed seems to be missing the Betcher's gland and Sus-An membrane across the board... Black Templars, Crimson Fists and Imperial Fists all say it is missing, so if you are going to use Dorn geneseed then that will need reviewing. That doesn't stop them having extra missing / mutated implants, of course, but gaining them back is more of a stretch. Homeworld The Day/night side planet idea has been done a number of times in different ways. GW has Mordian, the IG world, and both my Scions of Dorn's Mycenae and independently, Commissar Molotov's Castigator homeworld. Of course that doesn't mean you can't do it 'because we got there first', more that there may be a way to do it with a nice spin to keep it fresh... For instance, one thing I considered was having the day-night point not perfectly balanced, and that it swings very slowly around the planet turning ice to fire with the grinding dawn. The occupants (and any flora and fauna that wants to survive) either have to adapt to the extreme conditions, or to keep moving ahead of them. :) Those are the main points covered. There are others about grammar and typos which would be picked up by proof-reading, and others like 'modus operandi' instead of 'operai memorandum', 'Primarch Rogal Dorn' rather than 'Patriarch Regal Dorn' (unless that is intentional), 'Abaddon' rather than Abadon', 'sought' (as in to search) rather than 'sort', and 'rapport' rather than 'rap our'. Also, describing the jungle as 'luscious'/'lushious'(sp) sounds odd and a bit out of context with jungle, especially if you make the day side parched, which admittedly need not be the case... It is also rather over-used at present. +++Edit: I can understand you being attached to the name, especially if you have used it for years. The Red Scorpions have been about since Rogue Trader - the Badab war article in White Dwarf 99 or so, and have got mentions since in Imperial Armour books and as you say, the Forge World models. To me, the Scorpions name in the Astartes is inherently linked to the Red Scorpions.' As for Night, is it generic? The only Astartes I can think of off the top of my head are the Night Lords, and as a first founder are very prominent. The other thing is why would you choose a name that you would think is generic, with it's associations with bland and nondescript in any case? surely 'original' trumps 'generic in the creative writing stakes, which is what an IA is? :wink: +++ OK, that is plenty to be going on with, I think. Hope it helps. :)

GW should definitely drop the lame 'two minutes to midnight' / millennial idea of having the clock permanently at 999.M41. When Rogue trader came out in the late eighties the 'date' was ~987.M41, (Rynn's World Incident / Battle at the Farm! The first scenario) moving forward each year, but then they stopped. It should indeed be 009.M42. <_< Would it give them long enough? Well, it depends what they need to do. They could have achieved full strength, but not necessarily which might fit with your theme nicely. There are certainly workable 26th founding chapters out there, and it might give you more scope for the Necron storyline too.

There is a lot to cover with this article, but for the moment I will start at the start. This thread caught my eye because my own DIY chapter, the Scions of Dorn (Check the link in my signature below) are Crimson Fist successors with a homeworld trapped between night and day. Don’t worry, I am not crying plagiarism or anything, just putting your ideas under the spotlight because in some cases they are ones I have really thought hard about when creating my own chapter. :) Name I am personally not a fan of the name on the basis that it takes two elements from other, more famous chapters… It makes me think of an unholy smooshing together of the Night Lords and the Red Scorpions rather than something original. I have the same problem with the Blood Ravens (Blood Angels and Raven Guard). Taking one characteristic name can work, (Blood Drinkers, Angels Sanguine, Angels of Absolution, Iron Champions etc) especially if it is partly a link to the progenitor chapter, but having both words do it makes me uneasy. Necrons / Founding Date If I remember correctly, the Necrons were not active in M39. They were hibernating and certainly not known by Imperial forces. Checking the timeline sticky might give more info on when you could viably use them as a known foe. In fact, on the founding date as there is very little info linking dates to foundings I would simply either give the date or the founding, and as you have other dates, it is safer to say they were founded in ‘late M39’ or whatever and never mention the exact founding. In fact, M39 is a quite long time ago, and might harm your ‘young chapter’ theme. Have you considered making them 26th founding, as it would kill several birds with one stone considering the Necrons would have been about then. More feedback later…

The Armada of Light and Recruitment The Wings of Death fleet has been traditionally known as the Armada of Light since it first arrived in the Aeternus System. The Pride of the Emperor was freshly produced from the shipyards {of} Lebe V and granted to the chapter upon their creation. The Pride acted as not only the flagship of the fleet but also the very heart of the chapter, containing the reliquary and the gene seed stock. When the Armada of Light used to arrive in a system {This indicates that they now recruit from more than just the one system. Is this true? Do they still just recruit from the Aeternus system, or from systems in the wider Aetherius star areas?} it was an occasion for hope, salvation and joy. It now stands {for} dread, misery and destruction. During an ambush of a Mechanicus fleet sent to rescue the Disciples of Man from destruction, the Wings of Death were able to capture large quantities of both gene seed and equipment along with a second battle barge baptised the Judgement of Ynsoldea. {Were the AM bringing the Disciples a new battle barge, or was it a generic capital ship of the AM fleet that the Wings employed as a battle barge? There was a BFG article in White Dwarf a year or two ago about Mechanicus fleets, but I don't know if it is on the specialist Games website anywhere...} [snip...] When they are deemed suitable they finally have the chance to seek revenge on the Wings when a single Battle Brother is placed in an arena with ten possible recruits. The marine uses his combat abilities to only incapacitate those selected by his Sergeant as worthy to become a member of the Wings of Death whilst those deemed not aren’t granted the same luxury. {This is an improvement in the previous draft - is the decision on worthiness down to if they show the appropriate fighting spirit, so that those who attack the marine get rapidly incapacitated, while those that hang back or show (relative) cowardice get put down?} On rare occasion the Battle Brother is swamped and killed in a frenzy of hatred; it is said that the famous Captain Nisroc single-handedly defeated his foe. Once they have been selected to become what they despise, a recruit is mind-wiped of all his past memories, his hatred of the chapter, his home world and even his own name. The next eight years are of constant indoctrination into the ways of the Wings of Death. The glories of the chapter become versed within the scouts mind; the litanies of Ynsoldea are murmured as the {they} sleep. These years are one of total absorption into the chapter, and when they finally are able to don their suit of power armour their love for the chapter is unfaltering. Their {I woulsd stick with 'The' instead, otherwise you have three 'their's in one sentence.} final initiation is their naming ceremony were the spend eight days in the Temple of Ynsoldea until she speaks their name to them through the chaplain. Organisation {snip...} The sixth through to ninth companies act as the reserves of the chapter according to the Codex Astartes. Reserve marines will often be called to battle, supporting the main companies with either their specific training or the additional bodies. When not participating in battle, the Reserve Companies undergo rigorous training in countless environments hidden from the penetrating gaze of the Imperium. The tenth company, otherwise known as the scout company, contains all of those members of the Wings of Death who are yet to earn their Black Carapace. Scouts will never be called to action, instead undergoing constant training until they are worthy to be called a Battle Brother of the Wings of Death. {Isn't battlefield training a vital part of a marine's training? How are they able to replicate real combat during their training processes?} Combat Doctrine True to the teachings of the Lions of Veles, the Wings of Death have always favoured the combat arts of warfare. They are not the butchers or the fanatics of other chapters, but instead are absorbed by the finesse of combat, the precision of the blade and the white of the enemy’s eyes. Each marine will pride himself on the long days spent duelling with his brethren, the battle scars which have each taught him a valuable lesson. Like all Astartes, the chapter specialise in rapid deployment, surgically striking weak sections of the enemy lines. The early parts of the Angelicus Crusade only furthered their skills in dealing with such operations as they were quickly shipped from one battle front to another. Only in rare circumstances would a force deploy by more mundane methods, when the brute force of orbital deployment would only in succeed in the death {Do you mean 'only result in the death'?} of many brothers. A tactical force will often consist of a high number of Assault Marines and Land Speeders, whose speed and agility allow the chapter to quickly funnel the enemy into the slaughter lanes formed by tactical squads. This fondness of jump packs can be readily seen within the veteran company who frequently take to battle equipped with them. The wisdom of combined arms and alternative approaches to warfare are not lost on the Wings of Death, indeed the enlarged battle companies are more capable of withstanding long periods of warfare than their codex equivalents. {Is the enlarged battle companies mention left over from the previous draft? The organisation section now says they are strictly codex size.} something that has been a Devastator marines, battle tanks and Terminators are not rarities in a Wings force, but always act as support units to the more manoeuvrable sections of the force. Gene Seed The Wings of Death were honoured with the gene seed of Roboute Guilliman, the purest and noblest of primarchs. From the few samples the Imperium has managed to capture, the chapter’s genetics seem to have remained surprisingly unpolluted from the foul stench of chaos. There have been no witnessed events of mutation within the ranks of the Wings, although few who have encountered the chapter remain alive long enough to report on the purity of the chapter. {Replicating 'chapter'... you could either swap the first case for 'them', or end the sentence with 'report on their purity.'} +++ That is it for the feedback on the grammar, but I would like to say that the article has a lot of potential and I enjoyed reading it, Ferrata. Finally, I would suggest that you consider talking more about what they have been like in the millennia since they went renegade, and how they changed, at the expense of the earlier origins and fall section, as they could use a good edit... It would only benefit from really carefully examining each line to see if it adds to the article or not before keeping it in. Regards, and the ball is back in your court now. :lol: Aurelius.

The Fall from Grace [...] The Guard regiments broke twice times {I agree with the comments above that this seems stilted rather than poetic} under the firepower of the citadel, but the fury of the Wings forced them on each time. By the time {Replication} of the third assault, all the guardsmen had been slaughtered or fled the field and only the Wings remained. Their demise seemed inevitable, the fortress was impregnable and its guns powerful but the faith of the Wings was unbreakable and no brother flinched. It was in their moment of deepest misery that a saviour appeared to the Wings, as screams of brutal murder rose from behind the thick walls. The enemy guns fell silent as {and?} the Wings broke through the gates without losing another marine. Within the bastion was a cohort of winged daemons awaited the prideful marines, each chanting {tense problem} the names of brothers lost in fruitless battles fighting for the Emperor. Once their mantra to the dead had been completed a soft voice filled the fortress. The voice told stories of past battles, how the aid of these daemons had saved the chapter on numerous occasions. Playing to the chords which struck the Wings hearts deepest, the voice recited the ‘Saga of Ynsoldea’ which echoed the torments of the chapter. As the daemons vanished back into the warp they left an ancient book of faith with Chapter Master Israfil. It was three days before the Wings emerged from the fortress, only to be greeted by a cadre of the Disciples of Man acting as an honour guard to their Chapter Master, and Lord Marshall, Leuke. The resulting argument between the two masters has been lost to Imperial scholars, but it is believed that Leuke accused the Wings of atrocities against the Imperium during their latest battle and endangering an Imperial Crusade with their actions over the last millennia. It is unknown which of the two exchanges convinced Israfil of the future of the Wings, but they quickly left Gauna and continued their journey to the Aeternus System. {It is unclear on what basis Leuke is making these accusations. If all the guardsmen had been killed there would be no witnesses, and even if there were, what 'crime' had they committed that many other chapters hadn't done - spurring on guardsmen on to successfully take the fortress? Also, there was no-one to see them consort with daemons in the fortress, so they can't be caught on that score. Finally, if Leuke was confronting a chapter with accusations of atrocities and disloyalty, why did he do so with little more than what appears to have been a small force of honour guard? Wasn't he asking to be strung up by the much larger disloyal force?} The last Imperial contact with the Wings was to occur at 432006.M37 when the Wings re quested landing in the fortress-monastery upon Discelo, home world of the Disciples of Man. Being allowed access to the inner sanctum of the Fortress-Monastery, the Wings were able to tear the heart out of their once brethren from within. {After Leuke's accusations, why hadn't the Wings been classed as enemies by the Crusade, if not yet by the Imperium? Why on earth did they allow access to a chapter their master had declared had committed atrocities against the Imperium? This meeds some more explanation, as at the moment they seem like perfect candidates for a Darwin Award! B) } In a slaughter that lasted eight days and eight nights, the entire population of the planet was culled, the monastery ripped bare and the armoury emptied. With the fortress stripped of all useful materials, including the precious gene-seed of the chapter, the Wings destroyed the monastery with continuous blows from orbit. Before the Disciples of Man heard about the destruction of their home world, the Wings had long disappeared. All traces of the now fallen chapter were lost until an assault on the Disciples of Man strike cruiser Emperor’s Hope, although a number of earlier ambushes on the chapter were later also found to be orchestrated by the Wings. {A little clumsy - perhaps '... although in retrospect, it seems likely that a number of other unattributed ambushes on the chapter could be attributed to the Wings.'} With their vengeance in their own hands, the Wings hunted the Disciples on every planet, almost mirroring all deployments made by the loyalist chapter. Over a period of twenty years they sadistically decimated the Disciples until finally destroying the chapter on the plains of Nephtys. {Couldn't the Disciples have worked out a counter-strategy over the course of two decades, such as laying counter-ambushes for their tormentors? Perhaps with the aid of a stronger force? As it is they seem too proud to ask for aid, or stupid to formulate a strategy to turn the tables on the Wings. :) } From the Darkness Since the destruction of their brethren chapter, the Wings have embarked on an all out assault against the Angelicus Crusade, a campaign which has been dubbed the Daemonicus Crusade. The Aeternus System has started to revert into a state similar to before the arrival of the Wings as the trade imports from the Aetherius Stars have almost halted. With the Angelicus crusade on its knees, at the mercy of its once heroic figure heads, {figureheads} the Imperium has dedicated two chapters to the protection and the furthering of the Angelicus Crusade. Inquisitor Chigi, attached to the crusade, has authored the ever growing Degeneris Report which tracks the movements and engagements of the Wings of Death. His efforts have so far proved futile in placing the Wings to a specific system or world, although this is understandable due to the fleet-based nature of the chapter. The Wings are able to produce a majority of the smaller items in an Astartes’ armoury from their forge-ship Iron Arrogance, although they will often plunder the supplies of other forces they come across and, when in dire need for {of?} equipment, forge-worlds themselves. How the Wings remain at large to the Imperium has baffled many commanders who have been ordered to track the traitorous chapter. Their attacks come swift and without warning, slaughtering all those who stand in their path only to disappear as quickly as they arrived. The Wings have long been gone before any Imperial force can be gathered to move against them. {This whole line needs tightening.} A few foolish captains have attempted to chase the chapter through the warp but none have ever returned. Chigi has stated that it is impossible to understand the operations of the chapter and to do so would only lead to insanity. Beliefs [...] It was concluded that the tribe who introduced the Wings to the statues were worshipping Ynsoldea. Using these totems, her power was increased each time the Wings took to battle and her daemons were able to manifest close by. When she finally revealed herself to the Wings, the chapter gladly accepted her wisdom and protection over that of the Emperor. Although they had been worshipping her for centuries, they took to her words with vigour and Chaplain Harahel even dictated the Book of the Broken Saviour. {This whole line needs tightening, perhaps turning a discussion of the book into a characterful boxout or quote.} +++ That is it for Beliefs. More later. Aurelius.

To speed things up, I will highlight the sections that need work in red, with any further comments bracketed in blue. +++ The Fall from Grace The Wings became a much sombre force after the Perfidelis Report, losing their faith in the command structure of the Crusade. Many of the chapter’s actions in these long centuries were far from the front line of the Crusade, their fierce deep strikes acting as a perfect force to quickly defuse any rebellious motions. {This sounds wrong - 'movements' is better, but still too scatalogical!} Whilst the Wings were stabilising the Imperial held planets, the Disciples gained much fame acting as the vanguard of the Crusade. The Wings resented the favouring of the younger chapter for it was them {they?} who had shed the initial {so much} blood during the early crusade. This bitterness would devour the Wings until their hearts had been lost to the Imperium. As the centuries past, {passed} the Disciples became the increasing {increasingly became the?} favourites of the Crusade command, have numerous members on the Crusade Council and a few masters acting as Lord Marshalls, an honour never granted to the Wings. {The last sentence needs tightening.} Returning once more to the Aeternus {system} to replenish their ranks, the Wings fleet picked up an SOS {distress?} signal from the fortress world Gauna, requesting the assistance of the Disciples of Man. Such an insult to their honour could not be allowed to stand and the Wings made planet fall with all available brothers, totalling just fewer than five hundred men. The situation upon Gauna was dire, the main citadel had rebelled along with a large portion of the population and the loyalist {planetary defence?} forces had been slaughtered to man. Four Imperial Guard regiments who had quickly been requisitioned to retake the planet but had lost all momentum and were entrenched outside the fortress under constant bombardment from artillery. {The last sentence needs tightening.} The arrival of a force of Astartes improved the morale of the guard and a foot assault on the stronghold was soon underway.

More... Missing a 'the' between 'after' and 'thirty', yes? Replication of 'rebellion'. 'For' could be edited out. Red section needs work. 'Chapters' could be replaced with 'sections' to prevent unnecessary confusion with marine chapters. 'Indulging' seems odd... do you mean 'involving' or 'detailing'? Depending on the changes 'into' may need to go as well. 'You could replace 'of' with 'into'. Shouldn't Ruinous Powers be capitalised? I am not sure if GW does, or is even consistent in doing so, but I do it myself. Do you mean 'accusations'? The end of this sentence becomes extremely muddled. It could probably do with splitting up into two sentences and completely re-worded. :devil: More later. Aurelius.

Here is a quick go at some of the typos, word replications and sentences where the grammar could be polished. Intro paragraph: Would it sound better with 'later' rather than 'now'? Origins Replication of provides / provided. Also, provided is past tense, and they still recruit from there, even if it is now less than voluntary. Tested positive for daemonic presence seems more 21st century than 40K... perhaps something along the lines of 'which sanctioned psykers or the chapter's librarians confirmed as being of daemonic origin.' or the like. Would somewhere infected by daemonic presences have to be reconsecrated by the ecclesiarchy? It is not wrong, but a mention of that might add to the colour of the piece. <_< Again, 'daemonic positive' seems to jar. Perhaps something along the lines of 'feathers of daemonic origin', or something different, as that is similar to the suggested replacement above. Well, that's lunchtime up... More tomorrow. ^_^ Aurelius.