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Golden Defenders


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#1
Telveryon

Telveryon

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Posted ImageGolden DefendersPosted Image


"Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, faith the second.
You shall take neither if you wish to survive."

Commander Telyon addressing novices


Origins
"My men may have stopped breathing yesterday, but they were dead the day the High Lords sanctioned accursed Chapter!" - Colonel Marron, 243rd Illorian Rifle Regiment

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Chapter Heraldry
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Battle Brother of the Golden Defenders

T
he Golden Defenders spring from the 20th Founding of the Emperor's Space Marines. For their long and honorable service in the name of the Emperor, the Silver Skulls were chosen to mentor a new Chapter during that Founding, and the Golden Defenders were that Chapter. Sent to protect the Amercius Sector near the galactic core, the Golden Defenders have kept the region from raiders, pirates and the brutal greenskins for over five millenia. The Chapter has never shirked their duty, and have sworn fearsome vows to defend humanity regardless of the cost. Many dread the arrival of the Chapter in a war zone, for they know it means the cost of victory shall be great, but just as many herald it as a sign of hope, for they know the cost to the enemy shall be all the greater.

The chapter's willingness to accept sacrifice and collateral damage has been with them since the second century of their history, when their home world of Mercurial III fell victim to the power of the WAAAGH!. Mercurial III was a civilized world that boasted some four billion inhabitants. Initially, the marines and the PDF tried their best to safeguard the planet's population from the Ork onslaught, but as the defenders' numbers dwindled it became an impossible task. The decision that some would be sacrificed so more could be saved was made with greater and greater frequency. It took a full decade to muster an Imperial force large enough to evict the Orks from Mercurial, and by then fully half of the planet's population had been killed, left to the Orks so that the other half might live.

The faith of the Golden Defenders was greatly shaken in the sixth year of the Ork invasion. The evacuation of the city of Veretius was complete save for the complex of temples dedicated to the aspects of the God- Emperor and his saints, where priests still preached deliverance to crowds of terrified refugees. The priests and their flocks remained firm in their determination that the Emperor would save them, despite the pleas of PDF Commanders and the orders of the Marines. The last of the defenders departed, and the Orks arrived, with predictable results. Following the incident at Verentius, holy places were always the first to be evacuated. Less obvious was the doubt which had taken hold of the Golden Defenders.

The Age of Apostasy
"This infighting is madness! We will not partake in it, least we land a hand in the destruction of the Imperium!" - Commander Teritius of the Golden Defender

T
he Age of Apostasy had a considerable impact on the Golden Defenders' way of thinking. During this time of great upheaval, the Golden Defenders strove to remain neutral in the internal matters of the Imperium and concentrate on external enemies. But even so they were dragged into several battles between various factions and in every one of those conflicts the sheer waste of lives for no discernible gain what-so-ever appalled them.

In an age of religious turmoil and tests of faith, the Golden Defenders abandoned theirs. Wherever the Golden Defenders looked all they saw was faith perverted with many claiming divinity or sanctity in the Emperor's name to further their own ends. As the incessant holy wars raged and planets burned on mere whims, the chapter became convinced that humanity was failing due to its own misguided faith. Of these wars none had such an effect of the Golden Defenders as the Cleansing of Verrilia where the inhabitants claimed the manifestation of the Emperor Himself was leading them. The people of Verrilia set out to conquer the Amercius sector for their so called Emperor. The chapter had no choice but to wage war on the verrilians, a war that eventually lead the to the destruction of the planet and the unmasking of the would be Emperor as a daemon prince that had usurped the faith of the world.

The Cleaning of Verrilia was the first conflict to open the Golden Defenders' eyes to how easily faith, even that in the Emperor, could be perverted and used by the enemies of the Imperium. Other wars, such as Cardinal Gerention's Pacification or the Most Holy Gallarian Crusade, only strengthened that belief within the chapter. The claim of divinity by the daemon prince of Verrilia would have no small effect either, as it lead the Golden Defenders initially question and refuse to acknowledge the divinity of any being within or without the Imperium.

By the time they reestablished communications with Terra after Sebastian Thor's death the chapter had abandoned many of their rituals and all their prayers. It is only due to the good works of Thor's Confederation of Light that the Golden Defenders became more moderate in their views of the Ecclesiarchy, but by the end of the 41 Millennium almost all of the chapter's rituals had been abolished.

Disagreements with the Mechanicus
"They have forsaken the greatness of the Omnissiah!? Then let us see how they fare when he forsakes them." - Magos Verrilius Ardot

S
hortly after the Age of Apostasy disagreement began between the Golden Defenders and the Adeptus Mechanicus. Golden Defenders sent to Mars to train as tech-marines refused to acknowledge the divinity of the Omnissiah. Such incidents were a considerable source of friction between the marines and the tech-priests, so much so that eventually the Golden Defenders refused to send their technically adept brothers to the Mechanicus for training freeing themselves from what they saw as the influence of the Adeptus Mechanicus. This decision proved to be fateful as the Mechanicus refused to support or supply the Golden Defenders, recalling their adepts from Mercurial. The recall was to last but a few months, just enough to make the Chapter see the error of its ways, but due to an error in the cogitators of the Forge World where the adepts from Mercurial had been moved and other, more pressing matters that had arisen in the meantime, the return order was not issued thousand years.
Notable Battles
979.M35 Defense of Mercurial III - Golden Defenders and PDF forces try to save the planet's population from the orks. Half the population dies in the decade the Imperium require to form a force large enough to eliminate the invaders.

678.M36 The Great Raid - Chaos raiders attack several planets in the Amercius sector, the Golden Defenders are unable to contain them due to the very limited equpment available to the chapter at the time. The arrival of a Black Templar Crusade finally turns the tide and the Amercius sector is safe once more.

745.M37 The Overlian Crusade - Elements from the Praetors of Orpheus and Golden Defenders bring much of Sector Overlia back under Imperial control. The Golden Defenders deference to the methods of the Praetors results in a more prolonged campaign than usual, but also lessens the destruction so typical of the chapter's efforts.

345.M38 The Purge of Brillisos - Second, Third and Eighth companies of the Golden Defenders, under the command of Inquisitor Lord Arnod Vridian depopulate the world of Brillisos due to rampant Chaos influence. The planet's infrastructure survives largely intact and the planet is resettled in a decade.

10.M41 Macharian Heresy - Four Golden Defender companies are deployed to help end the Macharian Heresy. During their stay in the region they bring eight planets back under imperial control, and aid in the reconquest of another one hundred.

The withdrawal lead to a bleak period in the history of the Golden Defenders and of their homerwold. With the recall of the adepts of the Machine God, the infrastructure of Mercurial began to fail, manufactoria ground to a halt, famine set in as crops withered and died due to the lack of irrigation and in some cities even clean water became an issue. The tech-marines of the Golden Defenders were hard pressed to divide their attention between maintaining the infrastructure of their homeworld, the upkeep of their chapter's equipment and the training of new tech-marines. So hopeless became the situation that the Golden Defenders had to set aside their pride and request the assistance from their fellow Astartes.

Of the chapters that answered the Golden Defenders' plea for aid, the Praetors of Orpheus had the greatest impact. Their tech-marines did much to dispel the superstition still plaguing the Golden Defenders in regards to machines. Armed with such knowledge and with the aid of their fellow marines the Golden Defenders were eventually able to restore their homeworld to it's former glory, but only after five centuries of labor. To this day the Praetors of Orpheus and the other chapters that lent their aid are honored in the halls of the Golden Defenders.

When Adepts of Mars finally discovered the error that lead to the near destruction of Mercurial, they dispatched a delegation bearing and apology to Chapter. But when the delegation arrived in orbit of the Golden Defender homeworld, they did not find technological impaired backwater they were expecting, instead they found a self sufficient and prosperous world. Not only that, but their apology was meet with nothing but scorn by the Astartes masters of Mercurial, who could not forget nor forgive the near destruction of their homeworld.

This turn of events angered the Adeptus Mechanicus to no end and they resolved to bring the Chapter to its knees. Firstly, in from of an Inquisitorial conclave, they accused the Golden Defenders of breaching Adepts' rights as guardians of technology within the Imperium. As a counter, the Space Marines accused the Mechanicus of not fulfilling their duty as keepers of technology when they abandoned Mercurial and thus forfeiting any claim over the machined found on the planet as well as threatening their autonomy as Astartes, more over the Golden Defenders presented several missives form various chapters supporting their point of view. Caught between risking to anger the Adeptus Mechanicus on one hand and a possible Astartes rebellion on the other, the conclave found itself bogged down in endless debate.

With their first attempt stalled at discrediting the Chapter stalled, they tried other means, such as claiming that the Golden Defenders' gene-seed was corrupted and that they were missing their tithes. The former accusation was laid to rest when the Chapter allowed its gene-seed to be tested by Apothecaries attached to the Deathwatch while the latter as resolved when the ships bearing the tithes were diverted though a known inquisitorial system where they picked up acolytes as witnesses to the timely delivery of their precious cargo.

The Mechanicus have continued to try to discredit the Golden Defenders by various means. However despite their efforts, the Mechanicus have only manage to bring the Golden Defenders closer to Inquisition. Many of the inquisitors that investigated the chapter found the Golden Defenders to have ideals very similar to their own as well as being easier to lease with then other chapters. Thus the Golden Defenders have become a valuable resource for the Inquisition, both in the Amercius sector and beyond. In return for their loyal services, the Inquisition abates the wrath of the Adeptus Mechanicus.

Beliefs
"Though one cannot fault their service to the Imperium, I find their lack of faith...disturbing." - Inquisitor Allarat of the Ordo Hereticus

T
he Golden Defenders, like so many other Space Marine Chapters, do not worship the Emperor of Man. The Golden Defenders go further than others, condemning all belief in a divine power to be foolish and the very concept of gods as false. Religion, they argue, is a tool used by malevolent entities and the powerful to manipulate the masses of humanity into service. Given the great importance placed on faith by much of the Imperium, the Golden Defenders do not voice such opinions, preferring to avoid matters of religion where possible. Their reticence in regard to matters of faith and frequent reservations to work with the Ordo Hereticus has raised suspicion in that quarter, but so far their silence is seen only as an appropriate subservience to the Imperium.

Despite their general opposition to worship and religion, the Golden Defenders acknowledge that the manipulation wrought by the Ministorum is necessary for the survival of humanity. But though they tolerate the cult of the Emperor, they are not so forgiving when it comes to cults of the Ruinous Powers. They see the worship of the Chaos Gods for what it is - faith used to drive mankind willingly toward its own destruction. The Golden Defenders spare no effort in their attempts to root out and destroy the touch of Chaos, wherever it is found.

Though the chapter neither revere the Emperor nor offer any prayers in His name, he is still respected as the embodiment of many of the Chapter's ideals. One of the few holy days still acknowledged by the Golden Defenders is the Feast of the Emperor's Ascension, where the Emperor's many sacrifices for humanity are remembered.

Homeworld
"Mercurial III, the jewel of the Amercius Sector! The day I fail to return there is the day that I die." - Rogue Trader Bellirian Reck

M
ercurial III is a temperate civilized world, with a varied climate, large oceans and a population of some five billion. It is a fully self-sufficient world, its vast plains and equally vast manufactoria more than capable of providing the population and its masters with what they need. The surplus goods the planet produces are used by the Golden Defenders to acquire those rare items needed by a chapter that ordinary planets simply cannot produce. Though the exodus of the Machine God's followers greatly damaged the planet's technological infrastructure, the tech-priests have been replaced by locally trained adepts, the best of whom are sent to the Fortress Monastery to serve the Golden Defenders as artificers. When a problem grows beyond the understanding of these adepts, the Chapter's tech-marines will intervene to solve it.

The Golden Defenders administer their home world directly, through the leadership of chapter serfs. The population is fiercely loyal to its masters, this is due in no small part to the constant contact between the two as well as the chapter's efforts to defend the people during the Ork invasion, so much so that they see the marines as their saviors and a true gift from the Emperor. The Imperial Cult has continued to flourish on Mercurial III, the chapter preferring to avoid the questions that would come from its elimination. Instead, the chapter has opted to exercise control over the Ecclesiarchal priests assigned to its world, maintaining the right to exile any priest they see fit. Unsurprisingly, the chapter favors those who preach obedience to the Imperium, while those of a more fiery bent soon find themselves escorted off-planet.

Recruitment
"You will have to learn and unlearn many things! But the most important gift you shall receive is the knowledge of how you may best serve Humanity!" - Captain Gerinion

T
he recruitment trials of the Golden Defenders are viewed as a celebration by the people of Mercurial III. When the trials are announced, the population flocks to the city of Lerrius, which is closest to the Fortress Monastery of the Chapter. Any youth who wishes to become a space marine can participate in the trials, and those who so wish often number in the tens of thousands.

The candidates are subjected to a series of intense trials, which are used to eliminate all but the most suitable candidates with minimal risk of injury or death. For the few who make it through these initial trials, a battery of genetic compatibility tests are to follow, while those tests will be followed with true challenges. The aspirants are deprived of food and sleep while their minds and their bodies are pushed to their limits. They are forced to compete with one another in tests of skill, wit, speed and strength, of which the bloody spectacle of the last are the most favored by the planet's population. Death and disfigurement are not uncommon, but few aspirants choose to leave the trials. Those who pass these grueling tests are finally named neophytes and introduced in the chapter's Scout Company, while others serve the chapter as serfs or administrators.

Gene-seed
"Rare is the beauty of the union between strength and purity."- Apothecary Apolonius of the Deathwatch

T
he Golden Defenders' gene-seed remains as pure as it was at their inception. They inherited several rituals pertaining to the introduction of the gene seed from their parent chapter, such as fasting before any new organ was introduced. Though these rituals did not affect the purity of the gene seed, they did lessen the chance of the implantation occurring successfully. As the chapter's disdain for superstition and understanding of technology grew, many of these rituals have fallen into disuse.

With the passage of time, the Golden Defenders have also made some headway into improving their genetic screening techniques. These techniques, coupled with the improved implantation procedures, have resulted in a higher rate of successful recruitment then normal, which in turn has allowed the chapter to maintain it's numbers despite it's highly active nature.

Combat Doctrine
"Those who fight beside the Golden Defenders may find themselves bought and sold, my Lords. But they will not, I think, find themselves needlessly spent." - Lord Patron Havelock DeNistry

D
espite the fact that the Golden Defenders do not regard the Codex Astartes as the holy tome some Chapters do, they do not stray from it when they wage war. The words of Guilliman advise adaptability and tactical flexibility, and the chapter holds true to those words to such a degre that it has even boasted that there have never been more then 10 marines at any one time who had not performed successful tours of duty in tactical squads before returning to their preferred ways of fighting and that there have been considerable lengths of time when there were no such marines among the Golden Defender.

What does set them apart from most other chapters is their view that casualties and collateral damage are not only inevitable but sometimes even necessary. The Golden Defenders have taken to heart the old saying "Anything worth doing is worth dying for." They view a death dedicated to Humanity's survival as the greatest honor one can aspire to and as such they have no qualms to request, demand and sometimes even impose such deaths on others. But while the Golden Defenders view death with a purpose as necessary, they consider the wasting of lives as both a danger and as an affront to the survival of Humanity and as such they will go to great lengths to ensure that wherever the lives of men are to be sacrificed they will not be in vain.

Many have accused the Golden Defenders of being arrogant, cruel and even inhuman because of their willingness to sacrifice the lives of others to achieve their own ends. But the marines ignore such accusations, knowing that every sacrifice they demand of another has been equalled many times over by countless fallen Chapter brothers. In nearly every battle they fight, sacrifices must be made - because only those battles where sacrifice is needed are formidable enough to need them.

Posted Image
Apothecary of the Golden Defenders

Organization
"The refusal is most distressing indeed! Yet I cannot fault them, they are thinly spread as it is." - Inquisitor Belin of the Ordo Maellus

W
hile the Golden Defenders adhere closely to the Codex Astartes with their tactics, they diverge somewhat from its teachings in their organizations. The Golden Defenders maintain the 10 company structure as adviced by the Codex, with each company of 100 battle brothers. With the first being the veteran company, the tenth being the scout company and the second, third, fourth and fifth companies being standard battle companies. Where the do differ is in the structure of the reserve companies. The sixth and seventh reserves companies are organized as standard battle companies instead of being comprised solely of tactical squads, while eight and ninth each boast four tactical squads, three assault squads and three devastator squads.

Their somewhat divergent organization is due to their perceived dual mission. The Golden Defenders see themselves as guardians of humanity, and as such will answer any request for aid they possibly can, which has taken companies to almost every corner of the Imperium. Added to this is their stated mission of guarding the Amercius sector, which requires a constant presence. Since the battle companies are generally sent to face threats beyond the sector borders, the reserve companies operate independently within the sector on a regular basis, and require an appropriate formation. Only in the most dire circumstances do the Chapter Reserves leave the Amercius Sector.

The Chapter has proportionally high number of tech-marines among its members, which along with the librarians and apothecaries have mostly forsaken their role specific heraldry in favor of the black and gold of the Chapter in an effort to bolster the sense of brotherhood among the Space Marines. Which has lead to the rest of the Chapter to offer the proper respect to these valiant members rather then holding them in fear or awe.

Battlecry
"Arrogant dogs they are! Who are they anyway to claim we seek Humanity's destruction? We seek its freedom!" - Unknown heretic

Enemies of Man, face our wrath!



++EDIT++
Major thanks to Octavulg for major editing, re-wording and re-writing! I feel spoiled right here! All the parts that sound good are his, all those parts that sound bad are my fault.

Edited by Telveryon, 04 January 2011 - 08:11 AM.


Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#2
Ferrata

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Okay, seems to have some good ideas. I like where they end up, a faithless chapter, but I'm not a massive fan of their approach to this final destination. First, I'm never a fan of a chapter deploying vast number of its troops in a single battle. It is rarely done, the Ultramarines only have their First Company defend their home world from the Nids, so to find a reason for a chapter to deploy four companies (all of their fighting force) is difficult. Why have they lost faith? Maybe they were in a particularly brutal campaign across a system, the young marines attempt to pray to the God-Emperor for protection and help in the following battles only to be let down and suffer heavy defeats. Instead of blaming themselves, they blame the Emperor for abandoning them.

#3
Hubernator

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Sounds good so far. Nice concept. All the flaws have been pointed out by Ferrata as far as I can tell. Scheme rules :D

If I had any thoughts I'd say that someone has been taking influences from my DIY Chapter :P But hey, keep them and keep up the good stuff :)

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#4
Telveryon

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First, I'm never a fan of a chapter deploying vast number of its troops in a single battle. It is rarely done, the Ultramarines only have their First Company defend their home world from the Nids, so to find a reason for a chapter to deploy four companies (all of their fighting force) is difficult.

It wasn't just a battle, it was more of a campaign, so the presence of 4 companies might not be totally out of proportion. Moreover these guys at that time weren't even close to the Ultramarines, they send 4 companies in a fit of "better safe then sorry", well they weren't safe enough but all the more sorry.

Why have they lost faith? Maybe they were in a particularly brutal campaign across a system, the young marines attempt to pray to the God-Emperor for protection and help in the following battles only to be let down and suffer heavy defeats. Instead of blaming themselves, they blame the Emperor for abandoning them.

Initially it was supposed to be one of those battles you aren't such a big fan off. But now I'm leaning towards a campaign taking place in 4 different systems. The general idea that a cardinal world along with three other systems rebel and declare the rest of the Eccleciarcy as corrupt and that it no longer preaches the true word of the Emperor. The GD sent 8 companies only one returns, because of the chapter master blames the Eccleciarcy, the Imperium and the Emperor himself and thus falls to Chaos. As he's about to turn receive the power to turn the rest of the chapter he just falls and dies (byproduct of the mutation resistance). So, the captein of the 1st company (the one that survived the campaign) say something along the line "The Emperor doesn't seem to care about us much, the Chaos Gods' idea of helping someone seems to be to kill him... So why don't we wash our hands of all this religious mumbo jambo and concentrate of what's really important, Humanity's survival "

Sounds good so far. Nice concept.
Scheme rules :)

Thanks, I hope I'll make it even better as time goes on.

If I had any thoughts I'd say that someone has been taking influences from my DIY Chapter

From your DIY article, guilty as charged! But from your chapter, not so much. But then again I might be wrong, care to elaborate?

Also I've added Organization and Combat Doctrine, also I've added a few things to Beliefs and Gene-Seed.

Comments and sever scrub downs are welcomed! Also I'd appreciate a bit of criticism on the quality of my English, I'm not from and anglophone country and I'd like to see how I stack up.

Edited by Telveryon, 22 June 2008 - 07:06 PM.


Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#5
Hubernator

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From your DIY article, guilty as charged! But from your chapter, not so much. But then again I might be wrong, care to elaborate?

Also I've added Organization and Combat Doctrine, also I've added a few things to Beliefs and Gene-Seed.

Comments and sever scrub downs are welcomed! Also I'd appreciate a bit of criticism on the quality of my English, I'm not from and anglophone country and I'd like to see how I stack up.

Well I've noticed they respect just about everything just like the Phantoms. Apart from that I meant the actual IA shape and design itself :P It looks good, no doubt about it.

The extra stuff is good. I like the idea that they adapt to each situation. The slow aging will need some explaining - I wouldn't leave it as "unknown" really.

And you English is quite good. Just run through it and check the spelling and grammer :) Keep going :lol:

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#6
Telveryon

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Well I've noticed they respect just about everything just like the Phantoms. Apart from that I meant the actual IA shape and design itself :) It looks good, no doubt about it.

:lol: You know you're talking about marines that are more then willing to blow up imperial citizens if there are enough enemies around them and to send guardsmen into the fire just so they provide a distraction. This to me that doesn't sound like respect much, more like cold calculated bastards that are willing to do some nasty things to be victorious.

The only things they do respect is Humanity as a whole, the Emperor, each other, Ultramarines, a few other chapters (not sure which ones yet) and inquisitors or other imperial commanders they see as level headed, in more or less that order.

The slow aging will need some explaining - I wouldn't leave it as "unknown" really.


Well... It does state it is a byproduct of their gene-seed mutation, that not unknown. Their DNA is very resilient to chance, being mutation or degradation. If your DNA doesn't degrade you don't age.

Edited by Telveryon, 22 June 2008 - 08:20 PM.


Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#7
Hubernator

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Fair enough on both counts.

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#8
Telveryon

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This chapter of mine has a severe lack of criticism. Which leads me to believe that what little there is is either so well written that no criticism is necessary (something I seriously don't believe yet it would be awesome if it were true) or that is so badly written it deserves none (not a big fan of this possibility but it may have some truth to it).

If the above statement is not true, then please do give this IA a good thrashing. If nothing else, at least tell me which areas would you like to be more detailed. I won't be able to add more sections until this weekend but I'm always up for a bit of a discussion!

Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#9
OwenCrute

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Hmm, Ferrata has errata. The UM First COmpany was only defending the POLES. Many more Ultras died retaking the majority of the planet, as well as the various defensive satellites.

Or at least, that's my understanding of it.

Even Titans had a part in the defense of Macragge!
For each warrior that dies in the Emperor's name, His eye sheds an infinitesmal tear. These tears are collected in tiny vials the size of an infant's finger, and even these small containers hold hundreds of the tears. The vials are emptied into a chalice emblazoned with gold and frescoes of the glories of Mankind, and only during the bloodiest battles does the chalice run over.

Shameless advertisement of my IA: Brother Captain Efe's Scarlet Wyrms.
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Come now, lets not be practical about it.

#10
Ferrata

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There are two major weaknesses in this chapter, both which are unfortuantely fundamental to the chapter. The major event which made themselves change everything about themselves (which I'm never a fan of) is weak at the moment. All it is a large portion of them getting killed, there is no emotion, no reason or logic behind this mass change in everything about themselves. The reject the Emperor and all faith, the reject the Codex Astartes... all massive things to a Space Marine and you have this change covered poorly. This isn't an end-of-chapter problem, but it requires a hefty bit of work to get it fixed.

The second is your mutation, it just doesn't work.

The Golden Defender gene-seed is mostly pure barring a small mutation of the Biscopea gland which secrets an extra hormone that attaches its self to the chromosomes of the marine preventing changes to its structure


Time for a little bit of Biology. Hormones don't do that, hormones are signalling molecules they don't have any direct effects themselves. Imagine them as Commanders of an army which never do the fighting, they just tell others what to do. Chromosomes are only present during mitosis in a cell, the rest of the time DNA is packaged as chromatin, but I will ignore that and presume you meant the basic state of DNA. Chromatin needs to change structure to allow a cell to survive and adapt to the smallest changes in enviroment, without chromatin restructuring, protein expression can be altered (to a large degree) and thus a cell will die because it can not adapt to a situation. Finally, if a cell could not alter the structure of its DNA it would be unable to replicate itself as DNA-replication requires the unwinding of the double-helix and if it can't do this, then no new DNA. No new DNA means no new cells, which obviously leads to the death of the organism in the end.

#11
Telveryon

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There are two major weaknesses in this chapter, both which are unfortuantely fundamental to the chapter. The major event which made themselves change everything about themselves (which I'm never a fan of) is weak at the moment. All it is a large portion of them getting killed, there is no emotion, no reason or logic behind this mass change in everything about themselves. The reject the Emperor and all faith, the reject the Codex Astartes... all massive things to a Space Marine and you have this change covered poorly. This isn't an end-of-chapter problem, but it requires a hefty bit of work to get it fixed.


Can't say it's overly dramatic the way it is. It will be a bit more dramatic when I when it's written, the general idea will revolve around allot of them dieing for very little or no gain in which is in essence a war of faith. But then again I'm opened to suggestions...

The second is your mutation, it just doesn't work.

The Golden Defender gene-seed is mostly pure barring a small mutation of the Biscopea gland which secrets an extra hormone that attaches its self to the chromosomes of the marine preventing changes to its structure


Time for a little bit of Biology. Hormones don't do that, hormones are signalling molecules they don't have any direct effects themselves. Imagine them as Commanders of an army which never do the fighting, they just tell others what to do. Chromosomes are only present during mitosis in a cell, the rest of the time DNA is packaged as chromatin, but I will ignore that and presume you meant the basic state of DNA. Chromatin needs to change structure to allow a cell to survive and adapt to the smallest changes in enviroment, without chromatin restructuring, protein expression can be altered (to a large degree) and thus a cell will die because it can not adapt to a situation. Finally, if a cell could not alter the structure of its DNA it would be unable to replicate itself as DNA-replication requires the unwinding of the double-helix and if it can't do this, then no new DNA. No new DNA means no new cells, which obviously leads to the death of the organism in the end.


:lol: Well, I can't argue with science. But that's the best pseudo-scientific reason I could come up with to give them a resistance to mutation... Another idea that just occurred to me is that the Golden Defenders have an uber DNA repair system, but I have know idea how to pull that off. But as above I'm still opened to suggestions.

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#12
Ferrata

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Another idea that just occurred to me is that the Golden Defenders have an uber DNA repair system, but I have know idea how to pull that off. But as above I'm still opened to suggestions.

That would work. Individual Mitochondria have their own small genomes which are very susceptible to mutation due to radical oxygen for a three reasons. It lacks the protective structure of nuclear DNA (histones), it is cloer to the source of radical oxygen (the respiration pathway which occurs on the mitochondrial inner membrane) and it lacks the DNA repair mechanisms of the nuclear DNA. A mutation which increased the repair mechanisms of DNA would increase their resistance to mutation, and give them long lives. It is a similar road I took with the Basilisks of the Crypt who have regeneration abilities. It would mean strong mutation sources would still effect them on the whole (being in the Warp without protection) but more mundane sources of mutation would be fixed.

#13
Telveryon

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It's actually a good idea?! Now that a bit of a surprise. I also must admit that your article was the source of inspiration when I came up with the idea. Well that's one weakness solved... I hope I can come up with something for their lack of faith.

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#14
Octavulg

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"Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, faith is the second.
As Golden Defenders you shall take none of these steps, if you wish to survive."
Commander Telyon addressing novices


I'd take out the last bit or the first bit ('if you wish to survive' or 'As Golden Defenders'. I think that'd make it flow a little better.

The chapter was lead through those troubled time by Marcus Aureus, appointed chapter master after the cadre of Ultramarine veterans had to return to their old chapter.


Why did they have to return? It's generally up to them whether to stay or go.

Another company was lost during the return home after the planet they were fighting for had been declared Perditta. The Gellar field of the strike cruiser carrying one of the companies flickered, the Space Marine crew were able to send a distress call to the battlebarge and do an emergency warp exit. By the time the battlebarge caught back up with them there were only ten survivors on the bridge of the stricken ship, the strangest thing was that the marines showed no signs of corruption physical or otherwise.


OK, the way you wrote this makes it sound like they got wiped out after exiting warp space.

The Golden Defender gene-seed is mostly pure barring a small mutation of the Biscopea gland which secrets an extra hormone that attaches its self to the chromosomes of the marine preventing changes to its structure. This has resulted in a very high resistance to natural sources of mutation such as high radiation, viruses or toxic chemicals. The exact extent of this resistance is unknown when it comes to the effects of the warp, though it has been show to at least partially withstand limited chaotic mutation but it had resulted in the death of the marine in question.


Again, the whole concept of a mutation that makes you resistant to mutation is frankly...just wrong. It doesn't work. The cells would have to somehow be immune to change. Which would have all sorts of strange side effects. And, IIRC, the Biscopea controls muscle growth, making it an odd gland to have this effect.

[EDIT]: Of course, if Ferrata offers a method, go with that. He does bio professionally, IIRC. [/EDIT]

The exact origins of the Biscopea mutation is unknown. Apothecaries have speculated that is must date from before the very first Golden Defender received his gene-seed as the very first instance of indication of the chapter's resistance to mutation occurred but a few centuries after the chapter's creation though at the time it had been viewed as a blessing of the Emperor rather then a mutation of the gene-seed.


That rather conflicts with the whole "more stringent practices" deal.

Golden Defenders are quite unique in their belief system they don't have one. Following Marcus' fall and Kayderian's rise as chapter master the Golden Defenders have renounced any for of religious practice. Such a transition would would not have been possible were it not for the fact that the chapter at the time numbered little more the 300 battle brothers. This particular time in the Golden Defender History became known as the Awakening


Belief DNE religion.

Also, the practices themselves seem internally contradictory. They want the human race to survive and better itself, but are cool with abhumans and tolerate xenos...

That's rather...contradictory.

The 2nd through 7th companies are battle companies. But unlike the the dictates of the Codex Astartes these companies are formed of squads of dual role, five squads have tactical/devastator role while another five have tactical/assault role. The 8th and 9th companies are reserve companies, the 8th being a strictly tactical/assault formation while the 9th is only made of tactical/devastator squads. The veterans of the First company are no exception, each squad is trained to fulfill both tactical and assault roles while wearing either normal power armor or terminator armor.


How did this practice originate?

The Golden Defenders have a very pragmatic, borderline ruthless, view of war. They are more then willing to accept collateral damage to ensure a decisive victory against their enemy. There have been many cases in which the chapter has bombarded civilian areas or known slave camps but in almost every case the loses caused to the enemy outweighed those of the civilian population, at least in the eyes of the marines. To a lesser extent the Imperial Guard has received similar treatment from the Golden Defenders, many imperial commander have been goaded into tactically unsound position just so that they could provide a diversion for the marines, giving them a clearer path to their objectives.


Yeah. Cause using humanity as cannon fodder for your own ends is totally in keeping with the betterment of humanity.

* * *

I'm not sure about 'Defenders' as a noun.

You need to work on the clarity of your writing. There's also a not inconsiderable amount of redundancy. Also, you need to add the stuff about Marcus and whasisname. Khyderian or whatever his name was.

Edited by Octavulg, 29 June 2008 - 08:50 PM.

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#15
Telveryon

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"Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, faith is the second.
As Golden Defenders you shall take none of these steps, if you wish to survive."
Commander Telyon addressing novices


I'd take out the last bit or the first bit ('if you wish to survive' or 'As Golden Defenders'. I think that'd make it flow a little better.

Fixed!

Why did they have to return? It's generally up to them whether to stay or go.

Chanced it to make it sound like they wanted to go back to their chapter.

OK, the way you wrote this makes it sound like they got wiped out after exiting warp space.



They did die after they exited warp space, they were killed mostly by the insane crew.

Again, the whole concept of a mutation that makes you resistant to mutation is frankly...just wrong. It doesn't work. The cells would have to somehow be immune to change. Which would have all sorts of strange side effects. And, IIRC, the Biscopea controls muscle growth, making it an odd gland to have this effect.

[EDIT]: Of course, if Ferrata offers a method, go with that. He does bio professionally, IIRC. [/EDIT]


I've modified the gene-seed section with the new source of mutation resistance, I hope it's decent

That rather conflicts with the whole "more stringent practices" deal.

Why? The Apothecaries believe that the mutation was there since before the genetic wellbeing of the chapter was in their hands. Their recruiting


Also, the practices themselves seem internally contradictory. They want the human race to survive and better itself, but are cool with abhumans and tolerate xenos...

That's rather...contradictory.

Many humans are cool with abhumans so why not marines... Also, I meant that they are tolerant in the sense that they don't run around screaming "Kill the Xeno!", they'll ally themselves with a xeno against a common enemy even if they are strong enough to defeat both forces but then they'll stab their xeno ally in the back on the pure practical reason that they may become a threat in the future.


How did this practice originate?


Still have to write that part... But the short of it is that since the GD have abolished all prayers and sermons that leaves them with more time to train and rather then try to excel at a single type of combat they try excelling at being adaptive.

Yeah. Cause using humanity as cannon fodder for your own ends is totally in keeping with the betterment of humanity.

Added a bit to the Combat Doctrine section to make them look a little less like ruthless bastards and more like pragmatic bastards, I hope....


You need to work on the clarity of your writing. There's also a not inconsiderable amount of redundancy. Also, you need to add the stuff about Marcus and whasisname. Khyderian or whatever his name was.


I know... But I am still struggling to come up with a way to make the GD faithless yet not make them look like morons. And since Kayderian and Marcus are pivotal for that part of the story I can't write about them until I get a decent idea. Curse my lack of ideas! :mellow:

Edited by Telveryon, 30 June 2008 - 07:51 AM.


Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#16
Octavulg

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They did die after they exited warp space, they were killed mostly by the insane crew.


Unless the crew are marines, this seems less likely. Marines are the l33tness.

I've modified the gene-seed section with the new source of mutation resistance, I hope it's decent


Vague enough no one can argue it's implausible. I like it. :ph34r:

Why? The Apothecaries believe that the mutation was there since before the genetic wellbeing of the chapter was in their hands. Their recruiting


Sorry. For some reason I am getting your IA confused with one in the 22nd founding, which had more stringent geneseed practices to compensate for the Cursed Founding. Mea culpa.

Many humans are cool with abhumans so why not marines...


And many more are not. Notably, those that are OK with xenos tend to be heretics.

Also, I meant that they are tolerant in the sense that they don't run around screaming "Kill the Xeno!", they'll ally themselves with a xeno against a common enemy even if they are strong enough to defeat both forces but then they'll stab their xeno ally in the back on the pure practical reason that they may become a threat in the future.


Fair enough.

Still have to write that part... But the short of it is that since the GD have abolished all prayers and sermons that leaves them with more time to train and rather then try to excel at a single type of combat they try excelling at being adaptive.


So the individual marines are expected not to indulge in the degree of specialization common in other chapters, and thus there's less need for reserve companies?

Added a bit to the Combat Doctrine section to make them look a little less like ruthless bastards and more like pragmatic bastards, I hope....


Works well. Good choice.

I know... But I am still struggling to come up with a way to make the GD faithless yet not make them look like morons. And since Kayderian and Marcus are pivotal for that part of the story I can't write about them until I get a decent idea. Curse my lack of ideas! sad.gif


Fair enough. If you want, rewrite a paragraph of what is there every day, seeking to constantly improve it. You will either come up with ideas out of desperation, or become so heartily sick of it you leave for a bit and come back fresh. Plus, the IA will get better.

A win on all fronts, no?

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#17
Telveryon

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Unless the crew are marines, this seems less likely. Marines are the l33tness.

Most true, but I've added a bit of a drawback to the GD uber DNA repair system, it tends to physically weaken them when exposed to heavy sources of mutation, so after the Gellar field the GD were considerably weakened giving the insane crew a fighting chance against them. Maybe I'll have to rewrite that paragraph to make it sound like the marines sold their lives dearly despite their weakness.


Vague enough no one can argue it's implausible. I like it. :)

:D Thanks! Glad you like it!

Sorry. For some reason I am getting your IA confused with one in the 22nd founding, which had more stringent geneseed practices to compensate for the Cursed Founding. Mea culpa.

No problem! I hope you confused it with a good article :D

Many humans are cool with abhumans so why not marines...


And many more are not. Notably, those that are OK with xenos tend to be heretics.

Also, I meant that they are tolerant in the sense that they don't run around screaming "Kill the Xeno!", they'll ally themselves with a xeno against a common enemy even if they are strong enough to defeat both forces but then they'll stab their xeno ally in the back on the pure practical reason that they may become a threat in the future.


Fair enough.

I hope I'll write a sidebar story about one such occasion...

Still have to write that part... But the short of it is that since the GD have abolished all prayers and sermons that leaves them with more time to train and rather then try to excel at a single type of combat they try excelling at being adaptive.


So the individual marines are expected not to indulge in the degree of specialization common in other chapters, and thus there's less need for reserve companies?

Well... My idea was that they have more battle companies solely because they are a very active chapter. This alone might not be the best of reasons, but combined with your idea it might just make sense. Thanks!

Added a bit to the Combat Doctrine section to make them look a little less like ruthless bastards and more like pragmatic bastards, I hope....


Works well. Good choice.

That's a second compliment, I'm actually starting to feel proud here! Thanks yet again!

I know... But I am still struggling to come up with a way to make the GD faithless yet not make them look like morons. And since Kayderian and Marcus are pivotal for that part of the story I can't write about them until I get a decent idea. Curse my lack of ideas! sad.gif


Fair enough. If you want, rewrite a paragraph of what is there every day, seeking to constantly improve it. You will either come up with ideas out of desperation, or become so heartily sick of it you leave for a bit and come back fresh. Plus, the IA will get better.

A win on all fronts, no?

I'll give it a shot! But it might take sometime, I tend to write sloooowly. Hell, I usually hate writing, just goes to show how much I like WH40k.

Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#18
Octavulg

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Most true, but I've added a bit of a drawback to the GD uber DNA repair system, it tends to physically weaken them when exposed to heavy sources of mutation, so after the Gellar field the GD were considerably weakened giving the insane crew a fighting chance against them. Maybe I'll have to rewrite that paragraph to make it sound like the marines sold their lives dearly despite their weakness.


That is most excellent. Adds a bit of weakness, and gives a good explanation for something. Well done.

That's a second compliment, I'm actually starting to feel proud here! Thanks yet again!


You have something here worth at least a little bit of pride. Be proud of it.

Note that I may as yet rip to shreds the bits of history you haven't written. :)

I'll give it a shot! But it might take sometime, I tend to write sloooowly.


I started the Ice Lords...gah, must be back in March. They are by no means finished (though they are closer).

Take your time.

Hell, I usually hate writing, just goes to show how much I like WH40k.


Not the best avenue to approach writing an IA, but if 40K is enough for you to do it well, that's what matters.

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#19
Telveryon

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Not the best avenue to approach writing an IA, but if 40K is enough for you to do it well, that's what matters.

Be sure I'll give it all my writing skill, what little there is!

What surprises me is that no one commented on the side story, I had half expected to hear half the people that read it to cry "Foul!". Is it that badly written that it evokes nothing? If that's the case do please give me a hardy slap!

Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#20
Hubernator

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Well let me *Happy slap* ;) No, the story seems a little of cue. Please explain to me what that unfaithful band of people are. As for the battle itself I don't think 3 Companies would be enough really. The Tau have big forces. That leads me to my second point - I think the battle would rage longer than however long you've allocated.

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#21
Telveryon

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The Gue'vesa are human Tau auxiliary, rather like kroots and vespids but they're human.

three companies are more then enough when attached to a crusade made of several IG regiments, and while the Tau do tend to have big forces, the Imperium usually has bigger. But now that you mentioned it seems I've made a bit of a calculation error... The campaign was supposed to last a year and a half, that 18 months, not 15... I'll go and fix it...

Edited by Telveryon, 02 July 2008 - 09:17 PM.


Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)

#22
Telveryon

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A bit of a bump. I've just finished a major re-write of the history of these fellows, feel free to tear them apart with criticism!

Edited by Telveryon, 21 April 2009 - 01:43 PM.


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#23
Octavulg

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Where've you been, man.

I'll get to this after my exam tonight.

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#24
Grand Master Tyrak

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What made the ship important was the presence of a powerful turret mounded lance battery


Er, Mechanicus ships have lance turrets as standard. Link. Top of page 2. A minor niggle, but probably sorted by:

1) Making the 'disagreement' much earlier.

2) Directly relating the 'disagreement' to Mars perfecting long-range Lance Batteries in M37.

3) Changing the Lance Battery to something more powerful/exotic/unique/unknown.

"Be an Inquisition informer, betray your friends and family - Fabulous Prizes to be Won!"


#25
Telveryon

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Where've you been, man.

I'll get to this after my exam tonight.

Exams, work and Warhammer Online have all conspired to keep me away from the B&C. But threat not, I have returned! More or less.

And I can barely wait for the thrashing my little piece of writing will receive.

What made the ship important was the presence of a powerful turret mounded lance battery


Er, Mechanicus ships have lance turrets as standard. Link. Top of page 2. A minor niggle, but probably sorted by:

1) Making the 'disagreement' much earlier.

2) Directly relating the 'disagreement' to Mars perfecting long-range Lance Batteries in M37.

3) Changing the Lance Battery to something more powerful/exotic/unique/unknown.


Let me reply to the with a quote of my own:

but even more important was the the vox array capable to jamming as well as boosting any man made vox system.

That's what I wanted to grab the spotlight, not the lance battery.

Moreover, as I was careful to avoid clear dates , you could easily put the discovery of the ship in M37. The Golden Defenders reestablished contact with the Imperium after Sebastian Thor dies, that's 378.M36, add to the 2-3 centuries for a bit of a grudge to build up between the Golden Defenders and the Mechanicus then add a decade to a century for the decay of the planet's infrastructure, then add 500 years of rebuilding said infrastructure and you're already in early M37. Add to that another few centuries and voila, the middle of M37.

Edited by Telveryon, 21 April 2009 - 04:33 PM.


Iron Gauntlet IA: Harbingers of Woe

Proud owner of the The Golden Defenders (everyone's favorite faithless bastards, favorite because I'm pretty sure their the only ones) and the Will of the Lost (everyone's second favorite skeletal marines, Apothete stole the limelight with his Black Friars)