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IA: Angels Cruentis (v1.0) +DEFAECO+PURGAMENTUM+


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#1
Colrouphobic

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Angels Cruentis

"Purge the unclean"




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Origins
V
irtually unheard of amongst even the most Space Marine Chapter savy officials of the Imperium, the Angels Cruentis undertake their mission in the warp with the utmost determinaion since their creation in the third founding. In the millenia since their inception, the chapter has been virtally unseen, let alone heard about. Chapter officials intend to keep it this way. What is quite clear, though, is that they are a Dark Angels Successor Chapter.




Though the true purpose of the Angels Cruentis' existance and their true orders remain a secret, what is known about their assigned task was that the Chapter was created to follow traitor marines into the warp and hunt down individuals of importance. Though their official orders do not state hunting Primarchs of specific chapters, no one knows wether they where also on the list of important individuals or not. None outside of the Angels Cruentis Chapter knows.

The Stability of the geneseed, aswell as the unorthodox organisation and goals of the chapter suggest that the origin of the chapter would be a more specialized or supportive role of the Angels of Redemption. The angelic names the Brothers take, the weaponry and wargear aswell as their monastic look make them stand out a little from other early successors of the Dark Angels, but is similar to that of the Disciples of Caliban and the Consecrators. In fact, the entire chapter has generally an older armoury, meaning that the weaponry and warmachines used by the Angels Cruentis are mainly from before or during the Horus Heresy. Why this is the case is not known (since they are a third founding chapter, they would normally have been given contemporary weaponry and armour, but was instead given older weaponry and material). The reason why the armoury stays as archaic as it does, though, is quite clear: The Angels Cruentis do not exchange their wargear and armour for newer patterns or models, instead they are almost religiously tending to their materiel and will even go to extreme lengths to reclaim weaponry or armourparts previously lost. For this reason it is also common for the Angels Cruentis to keep their weaponry chained to their armour, like the Black Templars.


Though speculations over the chapter has existed, nobody has really seen or heard anything about them for many centuries. Thought lost to the warp, investigations of Imperium officials has just seased. The chapter is far from lost though, but have not been in the material universe for a few hundred years, barring shorter "breathers" to make sure they could press on. Indeed, the last time they broke warpspace for a longer time, a few centuries ago, was to recruit new marines.


Homeworld
T
he Angels Cruentis do not have a home-world, and was never designed to have one. Instead the chapter was designed to have a large fleet that serves as their homebase. This fleet originally consisted of three Battlebarges (the flagship the Blooded Wing, the Bell of Tempest and the now lost Hunting Wing), six Strike cruisers (of which one have been lost), 40 Frigates (13 lost), 110 Destroyers (nine lost) and 15 "world ships" (one lost). The World ships are Destroyer-sized ships which host training-facilities, supplies, oxygen farms (they have micro-ecosystems, meant to recycle more clean air then regular recycling-stations, as an recycled air would be degenerate and affect even Space Marine physiology after centuries without replenishment.), a limited growth of vegetables (for the same reason as oxygen farming. The Chapter was set to be able to stay away from supplying new food and air for centuries if needed, and as such needed these ships for minimal replenishment's now and then.) and breeding habitats for serfs.

Though the fleet once was huge, even for a Space Marine chapter, the losses in the warp have been harsh. The loss of the Hunting Wing was by far the most terrible, taking with it a Strike cruiser, nine Frigates, two Destroyers and a World Ship. With this loss, almost all of the Chapters Dreadnoughts where lost, together with all but minute Devestator marines and support vehicles.

Beeing a fleetbased chapter, they still maintain a handful of systems they frequent for recruitment purposes. The most recent, and stable, of them being the Tham system in Segmentum Pacificus. The Angels Cruentis have recruited from systems more or less chosen by chance. With the Tham-system, though, the Angels Cruentis have chosen to return.
The reason being the large success rate.
In their last two campaign to recruit, the Chapter picked up about 250 new recruits per campaign, out of these, about 75% (108) survived to become full Marines. Out of these 108, a third where twins. In both instances, the Chapter recruited from the planet Tham III in the Tham system in Segmentum Pacificus.
It is hypothesized that the fact that there are so many twins and triplets on the planet is the reason for the large successrate from the two latest recruitmentcampaigns, something that the Angels Cruentis also take full usage of by returning to the planet again the next time.
Wether a freak twist of nature or a genetic programme instigated before the reclaiming of the colonized worlds during the great crusade, the planet Tham III is a place where one in three births render twins or triplets amongst the feral population. As a result, there is a large number of Angels Cruentis that are not just Battle Brothers, but actually twin brothers.

A notable example of this is the current Chaptermaster Haroth, and his twin brother Maruth. Haroth became the Sar(Captain) of his own Host after quite some time, whereas Maruth was very early concidered to be one of the strongest Librarians in the Chapter.



On the Blooded Wing resides the Metatron entity, one of the main reasons as to why the Angels Cruentis can stay in the Warp for so long times without getting lost. The Angels Cruentis travel through the warp in a quite organised fascion. The Metatron Entity is a device that help them maintain an almost perfect view of the astronomican at all times; an ancient device from before the unificationwars that was rebuilt during the great crusade and has successively been refitted by the Angels Cruentis to work on the power of three individuals, a Librarian, an Astropath and a Navigator. This was never intended with the Metatron device and the alteration has had a spectacular side-effect: Although the three sacrificed individuals will never survive this ordeal, their beings are used by the device to see the Astronomican, to give it an, albeit cryptic, prophetic ability and boosting the Gellerfields, making it possible to create free floating "pockets" of Gellerfields between two vessels of the Angels Cruentis.

Essentially: If the Angels Cruentis have one ship on each side of an enemy ship (obviously with a certain proximity to one another) they can board the ships using jumpacks rather then traditional boarding tubes.



The danger, when boarding an enemy ship in the warp, lie mostly in the fact that the enemy ship sometime do not have any Gellerfields to protect its inhabitants from the warp, but the solid parts of the ship is usually enough to stall anything bad from happening for a while. The usage of torpedoes to open breaches, and then jumpacks to get in, greatly increase the time the ACs has to board and carry out a mission.

To further increase their chances the chapter has portable Gellerfield enhancers that magnify the strength of the emitters from their own fleet; for the pockets of safe areas, as well as quite some modifications to their armour. One such thing is the psychic collar which is fitted on each suit. Essentially "half" a psychich hood it keeps the marines from going insane and at the same time amplifies the Psychic abilities of a present Librarian to make life easier on them all.


The Metatron, then, act like a listeningdevice for the Astronomican. Beyond this, the entity also creates a stabilizing field around the ship to act as both a bouy for the rest of the ships of the Angels Cruentis' and act as a "float" to Material Space.
The Metatron looks like a set of cables and machinery, leading up to three heads, facing separate directions, that by now is not more then skulls really.
This entity maintains knowledge of the position of Holy Terra at all times and, as mentioned above, have a slight profetic inclination (it "speaks" from time to time), and it also keep communication up between all the vessels of the Fleet.

Arch Sar Haroth
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Combat Doctrine
E
ssentially a non codex Chapter in most things organisationwise, the Angels Cruentis also fight different then what Roboute Guilliman's Codex prescribes. The Chapter fight mainly with Assault and Tactical Marines. Only a fraction of Devestator Marines are left in the Chapter. This hasn't really affected the performance of the Chapter in a great way, as they fight mostly where its suitable to fight like this, but on planet surfaces and large fields of battle, they have lost a bit of effectiveness.
The reason for is twofold.
Firstly, the Chapter fight more or less exclusively in narrow and tight situations, wether onboard ships or on Daemon worlds, they excell at fighting in close quarters.
Secondly, during a warp-boarding 13 centuries ago the Battlebarge the Hunting Wing was lost. Most of the heavy support of the chapter was lost. Most of the Chapter Dreadnoughts where onboard the Battlebarge, as well as many of the Chapters Thunderhawks and tanks. This has left the Chapter without very few tanks, thunderhawk gunships and with a mere four Dreadnoughts left in the entire Chapter.

Chapter Organisation
T
he Chapter is organised into eight Hosts, a format that easiest can be as companies in the form of "miniature chapters". Each Host has its own ruling body -led by a Sar(Librarian/Captain)-, its own veterans and other specialists.

All Hosts take name from the Sar in charge of them, throughout the ages, the Host names have changed. Some Sars choose to rename themselfes in honour of previous Sars, leaving the Hosts get the same names over and over again. Currently therte are eight Hosts, and here are some of the names for them:

the Host of Haroth (Arch Sar Haroth, Chapter Master of the Angels Cruentis leads this Host.)
the Host of Azazel
the Host of Makiel
the Host of Rashut



SARIM
Each Host is led by a Sar, which is the Angels Cruentis equivalent of a Captain. The Sarim of the Hosts form a counsil that rule the Chapter as a whole. (Sarim is the collective name of the Sar's of the entire Chapter, hence the Sarim are always only eight members.) One of the eight Sarim is declared Arch Sar, and becomes the Chapter Master and leader of the Malakim. The current Arch Sar of the Chapter is Sar Haroth. He has ruled the chapter for 150 years, and his own Host for 200 years. At an age of 300, he is not the oldest amongst the Sar, but he is not a young pup neither.

The Sarim generally wear individually coloured Armour under Jet Black Robes. Sometimes no robes are worn, it all depends on each Sar what their personal whim.

MALAKIM
Malakim are the veterans of the Chapter, and form a "honourguard" for each Host, as well as being sort of an ad hoc organisation.
Included in the Malakim are not only Veteran Marines and Veterans in Tachtical Dreadnought Armour, but also Librarians, Chaplains, Apothecharies, Techmarines and Dreadnoughts. The Brothers that are included in the Malakim can, for the lack of a better visual (coming), be explained sort of as an "inner circle" of the Chapter. It is first when you have reached the Malakim that you are concidered to be such a stern defender o your mind that some secrets are let upon you.
The Sarim are also part of the Malakim. Inclusion in the Malakim mean finding out some very well kept secrets, such as the specific purpose of the Chapter, as well as why the Chapter has chosen to stay in Warpspace for so long (plus the fact that it is a choice to do so, rather then a matter of fact forced upon the Chapter by the fickle currents of the Warp).
Malakim can form units, but they often wear mixed armour. The TDA's of the Chapter are scarce, numbering less then 25 (meaning there is an average of 3 or less Terminator armoured Malakim per Host).
Malakim: Brother Irimel
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Malakim wear Black armour with Red trims and golden details, sometimes under Crimson Robes. On their right shoulderpad there are personal markings rather then Host Iconography.

OFANIM
Ofanim are the Assault Marines and fast attack vehicles of the Chapter (Bikes and Assault Bikes, as well as the Few Land Speeders the Chapter still has). The Ofanim is an ad hoc organisation, and have their own organisation completely set away from the rest of the Chapter. The main reason for this is that the Ofanim have an unusually high number of casualties, and thus they need to keep a different inner peace then the rest of the Chapter. All members of an Astartes Chapter know that they are going to die, most likely, at the hand of an enemy of the Emperor. The Ofanim, though, know that they will most likely die within the first half hour of any given battle. They need to get as much as possible out of the oponent before they themselfes are taken out. This creates psychotic killers amongst normal soldiers, Marines are better! Their psycho-indoctrination lasts half an hour longer per day then for the rest of the Chapter, and they have more sparetime then the rest of the Chapter. This breed a different type of Marine and they are seen as "hot heads" by the rest of the Chapter.
Ofanim are not a Host per se, and as such do not have a Sar leading them, instead, that role fall on a Chaplain.
The reason for this is that throughout the history of the Chapter, the Ofanim have proven to be very hotheaded again and again. The spiritual guidance of a Chaplain was seen as needed to soothed their irrational and "act-without-thinking" mentality.
This, along with having the entire council of the Sarim deciding tactical usage of the Ofanim rather then having a leader that can decide himself, has led to a more effective organisation and more effective usage of the Ofanim.
The current leader of the Ofanim is Chaplain Zadkiel.

Ofanim wear Jet Black Armour with red details (note, details, the trims are still black) under Crimson Robes. This is the only part of the Chapter where the Robes aren't rule rather then exception. Robes are still very much common, especially amongst the Assault Marines.


ANGIRIM
Angirim are the "standard" Brothers of the Chapter. They are divided into three groups, or types, of Brother Marines: Tactical Brother, Assault Brother and Grigorim.
Tactical Brothers are the more common Angirim. They perform the tasks of any given Tactical Marine from any given Chapter. Mostly, they are equiped with a bolter and a close-quarter weapon as a sidearm. Some prefer the Boltpistol and Chainsword combination that they have used since their initiation into the Chapter.
Tactical Brothers wear Black Armour with Golden Trims, under White Robes. On the Robes they have a Shield printed in the front and back.
Assault Brothers are Angirim that carry closequarter weaponry as standard. Chainfist, Chainsaw, Powerfist, Plasmagun, Flamethrower. They are all weapons found within the ranks of the Assault Brothers. Beyond this they do not differ from the Tactical Brothers. Assault Brothers wear Black Armour with golden Trims, under White Robes. On the Robes they have a Sword printed in the front and the back.
Grigorim are the Neophytes of the Chapter. There are no Scouts within the Chapter, instead the Neophytes are brought into the existing squads and equiped with Boltpistol and Chainsword and let to fend for themselfes and their battlebrothers. Grigorim wears Black Armour with white Trims under White Robes. On their Robes they have an Eye prnted in the front and the back.



The organisation as a whole can be seen as a small circle in the centre (Sarim) encased by another, slightly larger circle (Malakim), outside of this circle, each Host has it's own "slice" to fill with their individual Angirim, forming a huge circle.
The Ofanim are a separate organisation that lies outside of the circular organisation.





Sar Azazel
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Librarians and Chaplains
Also notable in the Chapter is that the Sarim have Librarians in their ranks, that is, most of the Sarim are actually originally Librarians, all the other Sarim are originally Chaplains. Since the Chapter performs all their duties in the Warp, it was decided quite early in the history of the Chapter, that the most important roles would be held by Chaplains (for keeping their faith strong) and Librarians (for keeping the Psyche safe).
One of the key elements of the knowledge of the Librarians is how to shield your psyche against the powers of Chaos, and as such, they where seen as the best suited leaders of the Chapter. And since the faith of the Chapter as a whole was seen as a key instrument of keeping the psyche safe, the only non-librarian Sarim have been taken from the ranks of the Chaplains.

Wether this was a wise choice or not can be debated, but it certainly has been seen as a wise choice amongst the members of the Chapter, as not a single Angels Cruentis Marine has ever fallen to Chaos...

Scouts
There are no scouts within the Chapter. Scouts fulfill a role that the Chapter as a whole concider cowardly and unwanted as far as fighting goes. As a resault, there are no infiltration units whatsoever in the Chapter. Instead of Scouts the chapter, and its Hosts, have a tradition of including their new brethren into working units. These neonates are called watchers or Grigorim and have less choice in weaponry then their seasoned brethren, leaving them only Chainsword and Boltpistol at all times. It is their task to observe and learn, but also to prove themselfes worthy, by taking the fight to the enemy.

Small Chapter
The Chapter has also not recruited for over 300 years, leaving each Host smaller then a full company.
The Average Host has 70-75 Marines of any kind in their ranks, some have slightly more, some have slightly less. One Host, "the Host of Azazel", only have 23 Marines in its ranks. Sar Azazel is very uneasy about this, but still pushes his brethren top fight on as if they where a full Host.

Armour and Wargear
A
s a predominately warp-based chapter, there are a few things that are key to the physical and psychological well-being of the Angels Cruentis.
The 'psychic collar' they use is a device made to protect the bearer from the harshest of assaults by warp-creatures. It also acts as a conductor of a nearby psyhic hood, making the task of a Librarian a little easier (not much) in the warp then what it otherwise would be. The vincinity of psychic collars also keep the Librarins a litle better shielded from attacks then what 'just' the Psychic hood would do. Essentially, the more Angels Cruentis there are around an AC Librarian, the 'safer' and 'easier' any form of meddling withthe warp becomes for him.


The Angel Cruentis' marines also try their best to keep their psyche and soul safe, by any means possible (outside of heresy, of course!). To this end, they often alter the helmets and armour they wear to protect agains all manner of things, whether physical or psychic.
Examples of helmet variations, with added 'security
Posted Image



A lot of the armour and wargear of the chapter is old. Most of the suits of armour are Maximus or Crusader armour or earlier. The Bolterpatterns are also older, as well as most of the armoured detail. Out of the remaining four dreadnoughts, three are Contemptor pattern Dreadnoughts. Likewise, there are very few Corvus patterned suits of armour, almost all of them used for Grigorim.




A quick note on design

At this very moment Im working on creating final renderings of the main characters of the Angels Cruentis.

Islamic patterns


Islamic patterns will form a basis for the iconography of the Angels Cruentis.

Individual marines will wear the iconography of their respective Sar on their left shoulder, and an individual icon on their right shoulder, representing the squad or rank.

Individuals of higher rank will have highly stylized or specialized iconography and as such will sport more detailed iconography, perhaps sporting gold instead of yellow or gems added in the design.

Originally my intent was to use magical circles as the iconography of each Sar, leaving one shoulderpad for the chapter icon, but I'm leaving the chapter icon for the chest. This way I can also include the islamic theme better in the design.

The designs will only be similar to muslim iconography, as I will be making up my own, but the feel and the themle should be seen through the shoulderpad.

Despite the heavy islamic influence on the shoulderpad, I wanted a strong feature that had ties to Christianity also. The Faith of the imperium of man is very much something that looks like Catholic christianity, in all its visual aspects and, to some extent, in the build-up we can see through fluff. To do this, I went back to my books and found something interesting, and very suiting:

Bells.



Church-bells



Church-bells where resposible for many things in the old days. Not only did they ring in the mass, but they also let people know the time (still do, in a lot of places of the world) but one of the most usefull things the church-bells of a city did was:

Warn. Not just to warn the population of a fire, an army marching in or somesuch, but also (and more thematic for the Angels Cruentis) to warn evil spirits that the power of God was there.

In ly own native country of Sweden, this meant that people claimed that Trolls and Giants where deafened and destroyed if they heard a church-bell ring, or that a church-bell could ward off such evil beings. In my current country of Belgium, it meant that wiches beware and evil spirits fled from the sound. I'm sure there are countless of other stories and variations of these types of stories linked to bells.

In short, The Angels Cruentis have to have 'em!






4th edit/ Updated With rewritten background on Fleet.

Continuous updates to be expected as I write/rewrite things to work out proper.

Edited by Colrouphobic, 02 April 2012 - 10:12 AM.

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#2
Colrouphobic

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Any and all comments, suggestions and/or ideas are welcome. I might not pick up on everything suggested, but I need to finalize this project.
To give some intro to it: This is a personal project I have written on for about four years now. It is thought to come in the form of a graphic novel.
Obviously, since it is a novel, there will be plot-twists that are outrageous to some people, but I hope that the tie-up in the end will leave people happy.

The main character of the Graphic novel is an Inquisitor by the name Damien. His supporting cast all comes from the Angels Cruentis as well as a couple of rogue traders/raiders/imperial citizens of choice.

But in any case, I want it to be solid, apart from those few twistplots that I want in there (and they are three great ones that I can't tell right now) so any and all help to get this solid is helpful.

So far, during the scope of the past two years, I have recieved help from Commissar Molotov, Captain Seato and a couple of others from other forums...


Thus I present the Angels Cruentis....

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#3
Hubernator

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Right then.
- Your spelling is bad, please check it all (eg wehter is spelt Whether, fascion is fashion).
- I think I'm right in saying you've only outlined 3 of the 4 Groups. I can back this up with the schemes you've provided, which match none of the groups you've outlined.
- I really doubt they would be so unknown. Are they from the 21st Founding? Because you haven't outlined what Founding they are.
- Also with them being the Warp fro so long I'm pretty sure at least some of the Astartes have fallen to Chaos. Surely.
- Why did they choose a planet to recruit from where most of them are twins or triplets?? And how come this is possible on that planet??
- All ships have Thunderhawks, whether it's a few or loads. So they still would have some.

-

Included in the Malakim are not only Veteran Marines and Veterans in Tachtical Dreadnought Armour, but also Librarians, Chaplains, Apothecharians, Techmarines and Dreadnoughts.

Contradictory here. Plus it's spelt Tactical, and the term is Apothecaries.

-

ad hoc

Please explain.

- What's the general colour scheme??



That's what I got. Keep going and anticipate more C&C from others.

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#4
Colrouphobic

Colrouphobic

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Right then.
- Your spelling is bad, please check it all (eg wehter is spelt Whether, fascion is fashion).
- I think I'm right in saying you've only outlined 3 of the 4 Groups. I can back this up with the schemes you've provided, which match none of the groups you've outlined.
- I really doubt they would be so unknown. Are they from the 21st Founding? Because you haven't outlined what Founding they are.
- Also with them being the Warp fro so long I'm pretty sure at least some of the Astartes have fallen to Chaos. Surely.
- Why did they choose a planet to recruit from where most of them are twins or triplets?? And how come this is possible on that planet??
- All ships have Thunderhawks, whether it's a few or loads. So they still would have some.

-

Included in the Malakim are not only Veteran Marines and Veterans in Tachtical Dreadnought Armour, but also Librarians, Chaplains, Apothecharians, Techmarines and Dreadnoughts.

Contradictory here. Plus it's spelt Tactical, and the term is Apothecaries.

-

ad hoc

Please explain.

- What's the general colour scheme??



That's what I got. Keep going and anticipate more C&C from others.



Thanks for feedback, I will evolve it based upon any and all help.

To ask some questions myself, and to reassure you somewhat:

The overall (general) colourscheme is Red armor under white robes, as per the two images of marines up in the article.
I am currently on the way to make more images for the different types of marines in their different armours.



Spelling is always improved upon. Thanks for helping with pointing out some of it though, to my defense I had two screaming kids running around my legs when I wrote this article earlier today... it took me four hours to write it because of their behaviour so no fear, spelling errors are for free for now :P



One of the reasons why they are so unknown is a key element hat I wont divulge into, but I thought it was more or less clear with this passage:

In the millenia since their inception, the chapter has been virtally unheard of, and the Chapter officials intend to keep it this way. The appearance of the brothers of the chapter has leant those few who know of their existance to argue wether they are a part of the Unforgiven or even, Emperor forbid, Fallen Dark Angels that have joined forces to move on the Imperium.To date, all records on the chapter are either corrupted or classified.

(SNIP)

Though speculations over the chapter has existed, nobody has really seen or heard anything about them for the past 1000years. Thought lost to the warp, investigations of Imperium officials has just seased.


So I guess I have to push this to become more clear in the text, thanks for pointing it out.

Their founding is somewhere between the third and the fifth. This is all I wish to tell right now. This is also a part of the idea that has been tested and checked most rigorously, along with their origins as far as Legion/Geneseed goes.


Their chpice of recruitmentplanet was not based upon the fact that there are many twins there, but rather the fact that they happened to be close to the planets system.

How it is possible is quite simple. There are areas on the earth itself where twins, triplets and even quadruplets are well over-represented. Wether this is because of combined genepool of local population, something in the water or food is debated in some cases and generally seen as decided in some.

I aim to evolve this a bit more, but my thoughts where that either the original group of humans that came to the system where chosen from specific groups of people that had many twins or triplets in their families, or that the groups on the planet just have evolved, either by nature or by forced "breeding rights/programmes" to this state.

Since it is supposed to be a tribal population, mayhap twins or triplets are just seen as particularily positive signs, to such an extent that single babies might be left out to the wild or similar...thse individuals who surive this still have loads to contribute to the population, but it leaves alot of the natural genepool just having possibilities for twin/triplet births in it...



Thunderhawks, check. will fix this.



How is it contraditcory that the members of the Malakim are Veteran Marines, in powerarmour or TDA, aswell as Librarians, Chaplains, Apothecaries, Techmarines and Dreadnoughts?

I dont see how that is a contradiction. Enlighten me and I can fix it (somehow).


ad hoc - a term meaning "on the side" or "added to" depending on in which situaion.
The Blood Angels have an ad hoc company in the form of the Death Company. It's the best example of an Astartes ad hoc company I can come up with.
It isn't dependant on the rest of the chapter, and the rest of the chapter isn't dependant on the company, in any other way then from a firepower/tactical point of view.

General colourscheme see above.

Thanks for the help :cry:

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#5
Tyrannicide

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The Origins section looks good a couple of grammatical errors and sentences that could use a re-write but it's decent enough. You should really state exactly what founding the Chapter was created in, the High Lords and other high ranking Imperial Officials would most likely have access to the basic information documented on the Chapter. I don't believe you should state exact numbers if the Angels Cruentis are really that vague and mysterious. Instead of using 'one-thousand' and 'three-hundred', use 'many centuries' and 'a few hundred years', or some such. Ultimately I believe it would flow much better and would contest with the whole 'shrouded in secrecy' approach.

Instead of referring to the fact that they have no homeworld repeatedly, why not state definitely, that they are a fleet-based Chapter. This additional phrase could spice-up the section a bit. Again you provided exact numbers on the recent recruits the Chapter has inducted. I think it's something that should be left alone. I believe you should find a different name for the 'Metatron', quite honestly it sounds like a transformer as of now. I like the basic idea you have regarding the machine-like device, but you need to provide more details on how this object lets the Angels romp around in the Warp freely.

So we have Space Marines that prefer close quarter fighting, that's perfectly fine. Loosing most of the heavy support in a warp storm is pretty original and I'll give you props for that, but I wouldn't say exactly that they were lost when recruiting, maybe state 'important mission'.

Sarim are psychically-gifted battle Captains, that's interesting and would certainly open up some more writing options for yourself. I wouldn't generally include the Sarim and Malakim together and exclude other factions, I mean the Angels are a Chapter full of Battle-Brothers (One can take this literal or not) and as being brothers I don't see too many secrets being kept from certain 'factions' of the Chapter. The Organization is slightly confusing and I believe that it needs some revising. I understand we have three main groups here, the Sarim, Malakim, and Ofanim. However, why are the Ofanim cast out of the rest and a separate division of the Chapter completely? They're an elite and exclusive brand of assault troops and I would arguably think that they would be more attached to each host.

By saying 'neonates' at the end of the Organization section, I'm sure you mean neophytes, either way a small correctional error. In the 'Small Chapter' section I believe you're right in giving basic numbers on the amount of Space Marines in each host. In the end, not a bad article at all, it needs work but you're already working with a good base.


Hubernator, this is a work in progress article. I suggest you let him do more work before spouting off about the schemes he's provided.

ad hoc - a term meaning "on the side" or "added to" depending on in which situaion.
The Blood Angels have an ad hoc company in the form of the Death Company. It's the best example of an Astartes ad hoc company I can come up with.
It isn't dependant on the rest of the chapter, and the rest of the chapter isn't dependant on the company, in any other way then from a firepower/tactical point of view.

Another example of an ad-hoc unit from a Space Marine Chapter, is the Dark Angels Company Veterans. Oh, and I forgot the biggest one! A Space Marine Command Squad is improvised, often on the eve of battle.

Edited by Darth Potato, 17 July 2008 - 07:06 PM.

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#6
Colrouphobic

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The Origins section looks good a couple of grammatical errors and sentences that could use a re-write but it's decent enough. You should really state exactly what founding the Chapter was created in, the High Lords and other high ranking Imperial Officials would most likely have access to the basic information documented on the Chapter. I don't believe you should state exact numbers if the Angels Cruentis are really that vague and mysterious. Instead of using 'one-thousand' and 'three-hundred', use 'many centuries' and 'a few hundred years', or some such. Ultimately I believe it would flow much better and would contest with the whole 'shrouded in secrecy' approach.

Instead of referring to the fact that they have no homeworld repeatedly, why not state definitely, that they are a fleet-based Chapter. This additional phrase could spice-up the section a bit. Again you provided exact numbers on the recent recruits the Chapter has inducted. I think it's something that should be left alone. I believe you should find a different name for the 'Metatron', quite honestly it sounds like a transformer as of now. I like the basic idea you have regarding the machine-like device, but you need to provide more details on how this object lets the Angels romp around in the Warp freely.

So we have Space Marines that prefer close quarter fighting, that's perfectly fine. Loosing most of the heavy support in a warp storm is pretty original and I'll give you props for that, but I wouldn't say exactly that they were lost when recruiting, maybe state 'important mission'.

Sarim are psychically-gifted battle Captains, that's interesting and would certainly open up some more writing options for yourself. I wouldn't generally include the Sarim and Malakim together and exclude other factions, I mean the Angels are a Chapter full of Battle-Brothers (One can take this literal or not) and as being brothers I don't see too many secrets being kept from certain 'factions' of the Chapter. The Organization is slightly confusing and I believe that it needs some revising. I understand we have three main groups here, the Sarim, Malakim, and Ofanim. However, why are the Ofanim cast out of the rest and a separate division of the Chapter completely? They're an elite and exclusive brand of assault troops and I would arguably think that they would be more attached to each host.

By saying 'neonates' at the end of the Organization section, I'm sure you mean neophytes, either way a small correctional error. In the 'Small Chapter' section I believe you're right in giving basic numbers on the amount of Space Marines in each host. In the end, not a bad article at all, it needs work but you're already working with a good base.

ad hoc - a term meaning "on the side" or "added to" depending on in which situaion.
The Blood Angels have an ad hoc company in the form of the Death Company. It's the best example of an Astartes ad hoc company I can come up with.
It isn't dependant on the rest of the chapter, and the rest of the chapter isn't dependant on the company, in any other way then from a firepower/tactical point of view.

Another example of an ad-hoc unit from a Space Marine Chapter, is the Dark Angels Company Veterans. Oh, and I forgot the biggest one! A Space Marine Command Squad is improvised, often on the eve of battle.



Thanks Darth, points noted and included in my own notes to continue to evolve it to a better state.
Especially grateful for the notes on disorganized text that looks confusing.
Any and all help with that is greatly apreaciated as my mind works as a couple of hundred of post-its and thus my writing ends up in a similar fascion...

Yeah, the Deathwing and Ravenwing are both ad hoc organisations aswell...

Though I find the Death Company clearer as far as example goes :D



edit: oh yeah, should have mentioned this.

The Metatron entity was named in it's transformer way, as Hibernator pointed out, because it is concidered to be the closest the chapter has to a direct line to the emperor. Being, as it is, both a beacon/receptor of the Navigator beam from Terra, aswell as having slight (though cryptic) profetic abilities it is seen as a kind of "Voice of God/Emperor". This ties with the angelic them of the chapter in that the angel known as "Metatron" is described as "the voice of God"... :P

Edited by Colrouphobic, 17 July 2008 - 07:20 PM.

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#7
Tyrannicide

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Thanks Darth, points noted and included in my own notes to continue to evolve it to a better state.
Especially grateful for the notes on disorganized text that looks confusing.
Any and all help with that is greatly apreaciated as my mind works as a couple of hundred of post-its and thus my writing ends up in a similar fascion...

No problem at all. Index Astartes articles are constantly a piece of work that's evolving, there are just so many details to elaborate on.

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#8
Hubernator

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Got it :P Makes sense now. Cheers for clearing that up.

How is it contraditcory that the members of the Malakim are Veteran Marines, in powerarmour or TDA, aswell as Librarians, Chaplains, Apothecaries, Techmarines and Dreadnoughts?

I dont see how that is a contradiction. Enlighten me and I can fix it (somehow).

... Might be me getting it wrong. I'm assuming TDA is like Dread armour but obviously not :D ignore that then.

ad hoc - a term meaning "on the side" or "added to" depending on in which situaion.
The Blood Angels have an ad hoc company in the form of the Death Company. It's the best example of an Astartes ad hoc company I can come up with.
It isn't dependant on the rest of the chapter, and the rest of the chapter isn't dependant on the company, in any other way then from a firepower/tactical point of view.

Ah right. Now I get it. Cheers again.

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Hubernator, this is a work in progress article. I suggest you let him do more work before spouting off about the schemes he's provided.

Sorry. I'll be quiet.

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#9
Ferrus Manus

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... Might be me getting it wrong. I'm assuming TDA is like Dread armour but obviously not


TDA= Tactical Dreadnought Armour or Terminator Armour
 
My WIP Space Marine Chapter

#10
Hubernator

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Thank you Ferrus for clearing that up. I have to remember all these terms... :)

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#11
Colrouphobic

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Hubernator, don't worry, I got a thick hide, it is a work in progress but you don't have to be all silent because of that :)

Thank you Ferrus for adding the info on TDA, it wasn't that long ago that I myself couldn't handle the shortenings of 40k, nowadays I'm using them on all sides of articles and posts.. sorry about that Hubernator.

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#12
brother natar

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OK, i hope it doesn't sound sort of rude me asking this straight away, but are the Angels Cruentis members of the Fallen? Please say: NO YOU FOOL, OF COURSE NOT. You see, it seems like this may be the case with their secrecy and possible links to the DA, and of course the whole practically living in the Warp thing. Please just make them a normal Sucessor Chapter... please.

Also, i can't help but think these guys sound rather Blood Angelish. Cruentis means 'to make bloody' (according to an online translator) and they favour close quarter fighting. Also, the armour is red, which fits with most BA successors. Just my thoughts when reading this, but i was thinking of Space Vampires fighting in crouded space hulks while drinking the blood of foul heretics.

As it is still WIP i can't really butcher it, but i will end by once again asking you not to make them repentant Fallen. This will be hard to pull off, as the Dark Angels have been hunting small bands of them for millenia, i think they would notice a full Chapter of them. Also, i don't see how they could become a Chapter. The High Lords wouldn't allow a group of Marines they don't know to make up a Chapter... surley not.
All this said, i did find this quite an interesting read, but you will need to go into more detail at some point. Small amounts of vaugeness is compelling. Bucket loads can seem lazy and repulses (i'm not calling you lazy, this is an effect you're creating, butr you've been a wee bit excessive).

I look forward to hearing more.

#13
Octavulg

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Nothing wrong with the Fallen if you do it right. B) I, of course, have no personal interest here.

General impressions, since I really lack the energy for point by point right now.

Marines typically live to be about 200 or 300 (see Deathwing and the age of Captain Cassius, as mentioned whenever he shows up).

The funny organization doesn't really do much, IMO. I'd trade it all for more detail on the chapter's mission, how it is conducted, and what they hope to accomplish.

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#14
Colrouphobic

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OK, i hope it doesn't sound sort of rude me asking this straight away, but are the Angels Cruentis members of the Fallen? Please say: NO YOU FOOL, OF COURSE NOT. You see, it seems like this may be the case with their secrecy and possible links to the DA, and of course the whole practically living in the Warp thing. Please just make them a normal Sucessor Chapter... please.

Also, i can't help but think these guys sound rather Blood Angelish. Cruentis means 'to make bloody' (according to an online translator) and they favour close quarter fighting. Also, the armour is red, which fits with most BA successors. Just my thoughts when reading this, but i was thinking of Space Vampires fighting in crouded space hulks while drinking the blood of foul heretics.

As it is still WIP i can't really butcher it, but i will end by once again asking you not to make them repentant Fallen. This will be hard to pull off, as the Dark Angels have been hunting small bands of them for millenia, i think they would notice a full Chapter of them. Also, i don't see how they could become a Chapter. The High Lords wouldn't allow a group of Marines they don't know to make up a Chapter... surley not.
All this said, i did find this quite an interesting read, but you will need to go into more detail at some point. Small amounts of vaugeness is compelling. Bucket loads can seem lazy and repulses (i'm not calling you lazy, this is an effect you're creating, butr you've been a wee bit excessive).

I look forward to hearing more.

Well, thank you for your input, I take things into notes and will make sure to try and make the chapter better.
As the Angels Cruentis are supporting cast, they have undergone quite a change since the starting concept. I'm not going to state wether they are Fallen, DA successors or BA successors or something else. Thats one of the elements of surprise I wish to keep for the end of book one (right now it looks like four books/parts, three of which will have the Angels Cruentis in them).

Good job on hunting down the translation. This doesn't mean they are Blood Angels successor though..maybe they have a purpose "to make things bloody"? ;)


Nothing wrong with the Fallen if you do it right. ;) I, of course, have no personal interest here.

General impressions, since I really lack the energy for point by point right now.

Marines typically live to be about 200 or 300 (see Deathwing and the age of Captain Cassius, as mentioned whenever he shows up).

The funny organization doesn't really do much, IMO. I'd trade it all for more detail on the chapter's mission, how it is conducted, and what they hope to accomplish.


Funny... I spent quite some time debating age with Molotov and others on another forum, seeing as how I wanted him to be 800 years originally...
The concensus being: Marines live to be 2-300 years mainly because of their hazardous life... maybe I was wrong... This is a part of the story that cannot be shifted, though it will be fixed and mended... He is then "old".

The mission is part of their rigin secret and will be detailed in full by the end of book one, but they hunt key Renegades/Traitors/Fallen...


Thanks for the aid people, I am very grateful.

Writing fixes to mend the article...

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#15
Hubernator

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Hubernator, don't worry, I got a thick hide, it is a work in progress but you don't have to be all silent because of that :P

Thank you Ferrus for adding the info on TDA, it wasn't that long ago that I myself couldn't handle the shortenings of 40k, nowadays I'm using them on all sides of articles and posts.. sorry about that Hubernator.

It takes a lot to shut me up :) And it's alright, I'm still getting my head around all the minor details of 40K.

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#16
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Nah, marines do get old. It may be more that they slow down as they age and thus get killed, but they get old.

Check Deathwing (a google search for Cloud Runner, Deathwing and Two Heads Talking will get you the story).

Or just look at the fact that Chaplain Cassius is described as "ancient" at 400. And portrayed as wrinkly like a prune. :)

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#17
Brother Daeger Helsir

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Yet on the other hand, isn't the current Chapter Master of the Blood Angels supposed to be some thousand-odd years old?

"He who has lost sight of protecting the common man in his zeal to destroy the Emperor's foes- Shun him! He has betrayed his very purpose as an Astartes."
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#18
Octavulg

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It's mentioned in the BA IA that the BA live an extraordinarily long time, IIRC.

It's because they're space vampires, of course. :P

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#19
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How old is Eisenhorn? I'm fairly sure a Space Marine could live to at least his age.

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#20
OwenCrute

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It states repeatedly in Horus Rising that a Space Marine could technically live forever, but they all die off in battle.

Of course, they have likely lost some more tech since then.

Also, Eisenhorn is a few hundred years old due to many juvenat treatments and surgeries.
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#21
Colrouphobic

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There is a small update, just added a few lines, corrected a few sentences and whatnot... not fixing alot of the errors now but I thought I'd alter atleast some.

Alterations done in the first post of the topic.


Thanks for the feedback so far, I'm reading it all and make the nessecary changes along the way.

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#22
Octavulg

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And it's stated repeatedly in the short story Deathwing that the various characters are approaching their deaths - and the strong implication is that that's from old age.

Furthermore, Chaplain Cassius is described and depicted as wrinkled as ancient.

The common theory, IIRC, is that Heresy era marines were "higher quality". That, or they just hadn't realized they only aged very slowly.

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#23
Colrouphobic

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And it's stated repeatedly in the short story Deathwing that the various characters are approaching their deaths - and the strong implication is that that's from old age.

Furthermore, Chaplain Cassius is described and depicted as wrinkled as ancient.

The common theory, IIRC, is that Heresy era marines were "higher quality". That, or they just hadn't realized they only aged very slowly.


Though Cassius...isn't he also the one who got Acid all over his face? Thats how I remember it in any way...might be wrong...but that can explain why he's depicted as a prune...

Dante is the Oldest Ruler of a Chapter- he has ruled the BA for 1000 years. Yes the BA live longer then other marines But he has ruled his chapter for 1000 years. You don't get to chaptermaster right after initiation. Yes they are, again, long lived, but I doubt that they would be "that" longlived that they would outlive other marines with 3-4 times their age...If for nothing else, then for the sheer fact of the risk of dying in battle...
Ultramarines are generally a bad example of age for SM's since they lost almost the entire Chapter to the Tyranids and really must have one of the youngest average age of the SM's.


The Deathwing book age I think have been retconned though? I rmember alot of those genetic/biological "facts" being retconned between Rogue Trader and 2nd Edition Wh40k.

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#24
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Sorry for the doublepost:


Just wanted to say that I have updated the IA with some new images. Nothing else was done at this time.

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#25
Octavulg

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BA IA says Dante has lived for almost 1100 years. Time in office is not mentioned, but it seems improbable that he'd be tapped for Chapter Master at age 100. Also says that the Blood Angels are "among the longest-lived of all the Space Marine Chapters", which theoretically means there are those who live even longer.

However, Cassius of the Ultramarines is still one of the oldest Ultramarines at 400 years. Thus, the best explanation would seem to be that marines tend to live around 300 years, with some pronounced general and specific exceptions.

So marines definitely have a lifespan. And since the marines in Deathwing apparently don't expect to make it to 300, methinks you have a bit of an age limit for Dark Angels.

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