Brother Richard Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Subscribed...tears and my side hurts. Manly tears... Great stuff.. Thank you very much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarInHeaven Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Note: Pio will be dying in a future episode to spite the Salamander love fest PM's I've been getting. NOOOOO! pitty (just let another sally replase hin in the next season) anyway: its official: i'm gona make a sterguard named pio whit a realy heavy flamer, a sigar and upercuting an ork nice work bro! (EDIT: rearly forgot the upercuting) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leethal Posted September 27, 2008 Author Share Posted September 27, 2008 Deathwatch: The Series! Episode 4: Under Fire Written by Leethal of B&C UPDATES: Whenever the hell Leethal feels like it! Thought of the Day: If unsure if you are going to die, take off your helmet. Your survival rate will jump up considerably. Previously on Deathwatch: The Series! The Kill Team has undergone some landing difficulties to take out the Tau and traitor Guardsmen. Will they succeed? Or fail miserably as most of us probably think so? Skarr Blackfeather: Look, I fail to see why it’s so hard to understand. Raziel: You killed forty-seven Fire Warriors, Nine Crisis Suits, nine Stealth Suits and three Broadsides. THAT’S LIKE 1500 Points! Iruel: AND THEY LET YOU! Skarr Blackfeather: So? What’s your point? Ferrus Pollux: Someone hold me back, I just might kill him! Hurin Bloodfang: Screw that! I’m first! Raka Thunderhoof: Enough! Let us board one of those transports and kill us some xenogeny! Julius Raseac: But the transport is of xeno design. Who knows what it could do to us? And who knows how to drive one of those damned machines? Howzer Stern: You know, for once I agree with the retard. Julius Raseac: See! Even he agrees! Wait, retard? Raziel: All xeno tech is evil tech! Raka Thunderhoof: What?! No arguments! This is a futuristic theocratic-monarchy! Not some poorly devised democracy! Now, get in it! Raziel: We’re screwed, I just know it. Emperor forgive my trespasses, Lion please don’t fraggin’ murder me when you come back. Raka Thunderhoof: Now……If I remember correctly, this vechile is a Devilfish. Raziel: DEVIL?! See! It’s cursed! We’re doooooooooooomed! Ferrus Pollux: Let me out! Let me out! LET ME OUT!!!!! Julius Raseac: FORGIVE US GOD-EMPEROR! IT WAS NOT MY IDEA!!!! Raka Thunderhoof: Silence! Hmm…A big red button that says in Gothic…..”Do Not Press”. Raziel: Don’t press it! Howzer Stern: Maybe it’s the ignition key? Raka Thunderhoof: Exactly! It’s a filthy xenos trick! Click Ka-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Iruel: Filthy xenos trick huh? Good thing we’re solved the problem. Coughs smoke Raka Thunderhoof: Right…New plan! We walk! Raziel: All xenos tech is evil tech! Ferrus Pollux: Alright, we got it Dark Angel. Calm down. Raka Thunderhoof: Umm…I’m lost, which way was the base… Ferrus Pollux: Why don’t you piercing glare the sun? Maybe it will tell you. Raka Thunderhoof: Excellent idea! It’s so nice to see you contributing to the team! Piercing Glare Hurin Bloodfang: Err…Librarian? Julius Raseac: Silence! He is busy. You can do it buddy! Pssst, if you can hear me, your Pyschic Hood makes you look AWESOME. Pio Furnac: Oh we’re sooooooooo screwed. And I won’t be able to light you all in flames. Raka Thunderhoof: AAAAAAARGH!!!! MY EYES!!! THEY BURN!!! I CAN’T SEE!!! AAAAAAARGH!!!! Raka starts to roll on the ground clutching his eyes Julius Raseac: The sun has employed soul sorceries! Avenge our Librarian, Brothers! Raises Bolter and shoots the sun a few hundred times Howzer Stern: Boy, were you dropped on your head as a babe? Possibly affected by a grox's attentions perhaps? Julius Raseac: Die foul beast! Back to the warp with you! My bolts are ineffective! Pio burn the sun! Raziel: If he somehow shoots something down, I’ll eat a frag grenade. THUD! Something got shot down! Raziel: …Seriously? What the hell. Seriously! Narrator! What are you doing?! Same Chapter! What are you doing?! Hurin Bloodfang: Here’s a frag grenade. Want some grox sauce on it? Raziel: Shutup. Stupid Narrator…WE’RE BOTH DARK ANGELS! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO!?!? Ferrus Pollux: Ranting aside, it appears to be…some sort of drone. Pio Furnac: Can I burn it? Ferrus Pollux: Umm…suuuuuure…but later okay? Julius shoves Pollux down Julius Raseac: DIE FOUL BEAST! Bolter: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Ferrus Pollux: DUDE! What the hell? Pio! He killed it! You can’t burn it! Pio Furnac: WHAT?! YOU FREAK! I WANTED TO BURN IT!!!! Backhands Julius Pio Furnac: That’s right smurf! You don’t **** with me! I’ll bust a cap in ya ass! RAAAAAAAAWR! Raka Thunderhoof: Ah! I can see again! Alright men, get ready to move out! The sun told me to head South, South North! Skarr Blackfeather: WHAT?! That’s not even possible fool! Iruel: Hmm…I wonder what would happen if the Emperor’s Peace knocked off a Librarian’s head… Raka Thunderhoof: Silence! We must complete our mission! Let’s go! Iruel: Did anyone else just get goosebumps? Like if something horrid is going to happen? Like…our deaths? Or at least blood and pain? Stay tuned for Episode 5! When Taufish die! Leethal is currently brainstorming ideas for the Halloween special. Remember to send in your submissions! Deadline is October 14th! And yes, I have completed the ROUGHDRAFT of the Season Finale for these bunch of miscreant. And yes, Pio will die in a sad, sad, extremely sad way. But that's later on! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Howland Greywolf Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Noooo! not pio, he's is burny burny death given form. its couse he's black, isnt it? ISNT IT! lol joke, thanks for the great episode (and reading my char i sent, thought youed be too swamped to read somthing like that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord_Gotharion Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 just one request..... LET PIO BURN SOMETHING BEFORE HE KICK'S THE BUCKET, OK?^^; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubernator Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Seconded. Or at least delay him to be the 2nd-to-last person to kick the bucket. Leave the Smurf to die last as part of some huge irony ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander Sha'son Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Dude! Seriously some of the funniest stuff I have read in a long time. Keep it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Malachi Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 I only have one thing to say: can I have some more please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChapniK Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Can anyone include a link to P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S. aN LEETHAL KEPT THIS UP ITS GREAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubernator Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 Da Link to P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leethal Posted October 2, 2008 Author Share Posted October 2, 2008 Deathwatch: The Series! Every Hour, on the Hour! Written by Leethal of B&C Whenver I feel like it! Thought of the Day: “Drop them! NO! Not your pants! Your lasg-ungh!” -Last Words of Adeptus Arbites Bob, storming a Slanesshi Cult Stronghold. Last time on Deathwatch! The Series! Something happened, and…I don’t really remember. So umm….yeah re-read what happen, I’m too lazy for this! Raka Thunderhoof: Ah, there’s the base! Finally! And it only took us....17 hours! Raziel:A pub, nine tents, a med lab tent, a house, and what looks like to be a pet store. That’s the base? Iruel: Really now…I was kinda expecting, you know something more….oh I dunno….more foreboding. Maybe a fence too. But you know, that’s just me. Raka Thunderhoof: SILENCE!! We shall take them by surprise and force! With much shooting and killing and yelling “For the Emperor!” Skarr Blackfeather: Okay, well…I’ll see you guys later. I want to see how Tau blood looks like on my blades. Runs down towards the base Raka Thunderhoof: What? No! Come back! WE NEED TEAMWORK DAMNIT! THERE IS NO I IN TEAM! Hurin Bloodfang: But there is M-E, in TEAM, and there’s a pub down there with my name on it! Pio Furnac: I wonder if Fire Warriors are fireproof…….Hmm. Alright, lets go Betsy! Howzer Stern: Betsy?! Pio Furnac: Yeah, Betsy, my Heavy Flamer that the Author gave me. Look! It’s assault 2, twin-linked! Everyone stares upwards Leethal: ….What? It’s not my fault, I swear to the God-Emperor, it was not my fault! Ferrus Pollux: Both of you are a strange, little man. You do not have my pity. Julius Raseac: The Codex Astartes states orbital bombardment followed by- Raka Thunderhoof: Shutup, Pollux, do it. Rest of you, let’s move. Theres xenos to kill! Ferrus Pollux:YES SIR! Smack! Julius Raseac: Stop that! One day! The Ultramarines will have their vengeance! Meanwhile, in the base Hurin Bloodfang: Pub…pub…pub….pub…is this the pub? Nope. Tosses a grenade in …pub….pub…pub… here pubby pubby pubby. Skarr Blackfeather: SLICE! DICE! CUT! SKEWER! CLEAVE! STAB! SLASH! EVISCERATE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Fire Warrior: HALT! In the name of the Greater Good surrender Gue’lla! Betsy: FAWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Fire Warrior: AAAAAAH!!! IT BURNS!!! AAAAH!!! I’m melting! I’m meeeelt…ingg….glurgh…*bubble bubble* Skarr Blackfeather: Thanks….Pio….fine ignore my thanks and run away, lousy ork ;) Betsy: FAWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Pio Furnac: Ahahahah! Burn! See Betsy, dress yourself up and you get taken out to nice places! Betsy: FAWHOOOOSH! Raka Thunderhoof: ….Why the hell is everything on fire? Sigh….whatever, go find the objectives, and kill the Tau, and whatever. I don’t care anymore. ????: I am the Arch-Fiend Chambers! Who dares to disturb my slumber?! ….Oh bugger. Raziel: Hi there! It’s almost lunch time! Care for a knuckle sandwich? Knuckle Sandwich’ed! Raka Thunderhoof: Secure him, call down the Thunderhawk. Ferrus Pollux: Umm Sir? Is this the Tau we’re after? Raka holds up a photograph next to the Tau’s face Raka Thunderhoof: Quite possibly. Better kill to make sure. Ferrus Pollux: Right-o! Oh wow, they DO bleed blue. Intresting. Elsewhere inside the camp Hurin Bloodfang: WHERE’S THE BLOODY PUB?!?!? SOMEONE TELL ME!!! Fire Warrior: Oh, it’s right there, just take a right here. Hurin Bloodfang: Oh, I knew that. Thanks. Fire Warrior: No prob-errrrrrrrrrrgh! Chainsword erupts out of chest Chainsword: SCREEEE!! Hurin Bloodfang: Ahaha! Time to get wasted! Hee hee hee! Booze! Elsewhere again Skarr Blackfeather: Hmm…I’m out of knives, razors, broken glass, combat blades, swords, and other sharp pointy objects. Oh well, better than nothing. Lifts a Tau body to use as a club Skarr Blackfeather: FLEE VERMIN! BOW BEFORE ME! FOR I AM YOUR DESTROYER! MUAHAHAHA!!! Guardsmen and Tau: Oh woe! The sorrow! The pain! The cruel and unusual punishment! *dies* Once more, somewhere else Julius Raseac: DIE! AAAAAAAH!!!! Barrage of bolter rounds explode on the on-coming flight of 9 Crisis Suit’s heads, causing them to explode Howzer Stern: Wow! How’d you do that?! Julius Raseac: Easy! The Codex Astartes states - Howzer Stern: Yea…I don’t care anymore… Ferrus Pollux: Area secured sir. Raziel: The Thunderhawk will be here soon sir, it had to make a pit stop for some more fuel. Can you believe the Thunderhawk fuel prices these days? Raka Thunderhoof: Seriously! It’s so expensive that I had to sell my third lung! Random Guardsman: DIE! Using a Meltagun, blows off Pollux’s original non-metal hand Ferrus Pollux: NOOOOOOOO!!!!! CUDDLES!!!!!! AAAAAAAH!! Raka Thunderhoof: WHAT?! Cuddles?! Wait! PIERCING GLARE Guardsman’s head explodes Raziel: Whoa! That’s amazing! How come our heads don’t explode when you do that to us? Raka Thunderhoof: It’s only Str 6 AP 5……. Raziel: Oh right, Helmets. 3+ Save. Raka Thunderhoof: Exactly. Iruel! We have a man down! All Marines fall back! Our ride is coming! Ferrus Pollux: MY HAND! MY BEAUTIFUL SOFT SQUISHY HAND! CUDDLES! NOOOOO!! Iruel: What the…Cuddles? …For the sake of my sanity, I’m not going there. Yeah, if you didn’t chop off your other hand for that bionic, you’d still have a real hand! Hold still, I need to put invisible Space Marine bandages on you to stop the…….wait. What the hell do I do? You’re not bleeding…all I have is this needle gauntlet…………dude. Am I even a medic? Do I even do anything except take geneseed? I’ll refer to the rulebook….Hmm…I roll a dice apparently, and it saves your life….. WHAT?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Hurin Bloodfang: I…dun wants tah go home… Raziel: Are you drunk? How much did you drink.......And what’s wrong with your liver?! Hurin Bloodfang: Maybe…I ams drunks….now let’s see those beewbs, take that dress off girl! Julius Raseac: The Codex states that drinking while on duty is prohibited! And in Clause 3B of sub-section H, paragraph 5, All Space Marines are always on duty! Hurin Bloodfang: Ach! Goooollie-Man and the Codex can kiss mah bum! Julius raises Hurin by the throat Julius Raseac: Say….that….again. Raka Thunderhoof: Julius! I appreciate that you grown some bollocks now, but put him down! And board the Thunderhawk that you failed to noticed that landed! Julius Raseac: Watch yourself Wolf. I do not take any stains on my Chapter nor my Primarch lightly. Hurin Bloodfang: Oh yeah?! Well…I’m gonna-urf! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH Thunderhawk Pilot: OH MY SWEET GOD-EMPEROR ON HIGH! I JUST WASHED THIS DAMN THING! Note: If you SEE Leethal at a GW Event, I will sign whatever you give me! Muahahaha! I’ll be wearing a white BnC Logo shirt. :P Episode 6 will be posted …. Mmmmm…. Monday? Or…whenever we’ll see! To all those who submitted, I have still have spaces left for both the Halloween event and Season 2 ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolf89 Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Great stuff can't wait for more. I'm still waiting for the finale before I quote something for my sig, it's a special place and I want to make sure I've seen all the great options before I pick. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caelius Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Absolutely hilarious, keep it up. Heh, beewbs, classic. I think I need a new spleen... Anyone got one handy?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Cambrius Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I think I need a new spleen... Anyone got one handy?? *hands spleen over to Caelius* Laughing whilst having a blocked ear hurts but it's so worth it to read this. Methinks Julius may just do something ballsy next time. Cambrius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubernator Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I almost died of laughing last night when reading the latest :tu: More I say! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
son of macragge Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh julius actually did something!!!!!!! ;) leethal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c-wrex Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Eh. This last one didn't do it for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hajime Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I was amused. Should have named the Iron Hand Jethro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaplian Silkor Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 lol, Julius is finally getting some balls :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hajime Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Da Link to P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S :) A pox on you sir 147 chapters! what have you done to me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Kael Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 CUDDLES!!!! :) Its funny how Iruel finds out apothecaries save lives. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OwenCrute Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 A pox on you sir 147 chapters! what have you done to me? And I just read them. All. Of. Them. Including the fan posts in the thread. Took me about 3 days, on and off. Also- Leethal, how about we're a little more proactive with this online 40k funny's up-to-date documentation than Lastie was? I.E. someone put this in a word file, and update. Probably Leethal himself. <PENETRATING GAZE!>. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperialis_Dominatus Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 A pox on you sir 147 chapters! what have you done to me? He has enlightened you to the Might of Lastie and his Everlasting Work to bring the Great Glory of P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S to your benighted soul. Show a little gratitude. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Malachi Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 Haha, Betsy. When can we expect some more Leethal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hajime Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 I wonder is there room in my Sig for "Hecate Fan Boy" Edit* Took some work but managed to fit it in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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