Jump to content

Welcome to The Bolter and Chainsword
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!
Photo

AH IA: Alpha Legion


This topic has been archived. This means that you cannot reply to this topic.
32 replies to this topic

#1
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts

Index Astartes: The Alpha Legion


The Alpha Legion's name has long passed into apocrypha within the Imperium. Few beyond their Astartes brothers and the higher echelons of the Imperium's bureaucracy are even aware of their existence, yet the effects of their actions are felt throughout the Emperor's Realm and beyond. From the shadows, the Alpha Legion guards against insidious xenos and traitor taint within the Imperium while sowing discord and anarchy in the enemy's own territory.

Origins

The details of Alpharius' discovery by the Great Crusade have long been forgotten by the Imperium and any records regarding the matter lost among the detritus of the millennia. However, the grand occasion of Alpharius' arrival on Terra and the celebrations for the discovery of the last Primarch still reside in the tales of the surviving Legions. Arriving with his discoverer, Horus, Alpharius was met upon disembarkation on Terra by his assembled Legion. It is said that the uncanny resemblance between many of the marines and their Primarch, even in size, for Alpharius was not largely built, startled Horus into commenting that any of them could have been his brother. After reviewing his genetic sons, Alpharius was greeted by the Emperor privately. He emerged from the chamber wholly the Emperor's. It is said that The Emperor's welcome of Alpharius was second only to Horus' in terms of warmth and trust.

And yet the celebrations had still not finished, for all of the Primarchs had been summoned to Terra to celebrate the discovery of their last brother and the reunion of the Emperor's sons. A great feast was held by the Emperor and each Primarch met their newest brother. As the Fenrisian Ale and Calibanite wines flowed, each Primarch wove fantastic tales of the feats of their Legions, of the great battles fought under the banner of the Emperor and the sights witnessed on their voyages. Even the most reserved of the Primarchs contested to tell the most wondrous story, seeking to outdo their brethren's tales. The defeat of the K'Nib in their crystal caves was told by Vulkan, in a rare moment of openness from the scarred Primarch, while Russ spun his tribespeople's myth of Fenris' birth to his brothers and Dorn described the sights of the Berolinius system, where no less than three stars danced around a center of gravity, with several planets caught in an eternal tug of war. The night was a rare moment of quietness and brotherly camaraderie, one that would come to be bitterly remembered in years to come.

After hearing of the magnificent feats of his brothers and their legions, Alpharius was filled with a desire to equal, if not best, the achievements of his brothers. The Primarch took control of his Legion and began imprinting his vision onto every marine. Total tactical flexibility was demanded from his legion. Whatever happened on the battlefield, the Legion would never be caught short. No assumptions were to be held about the enemy's plan, no rigid chain of command obeyed. Alpharius changed the name of the legion before his arrival, from the Omega Legion, given due to their creation as the last legion, to one that better matched his name and intention. Alpharius fully intended for his legion to prove themselves worthy of being the 'Alpha' Legion.

Horus returned to his expedition and the majority of his Legion, parting fondly with Alpharius on Terra. Alpharius declared his legion ready for combat and struck out from Terra with his own expedition into the more unknown corners of the Eastern Fringe. As Guilliman had been campaigning for some time on the Eastern Fringe, it was not surprising to see the two Primarchs eventually meet on the battlefield. It was in the Girantian system that the two Primarchs' expeditions would cross paths. Guilliman's expedition was conducting a grueling campaign against the misguided human faction present on the world. The war for Girant had stalled while Guilliman pursued a separate campaign with the vast bulk of the expedition, leaving Khatar, the First Captain of the Ultramarines, to pursue victory in the Girantian system.

Throughout the campaign, tensions continued to rise between the two legions. The foe had stalwartly resisted all attempts to take the planet's main three hive cities while guerilla warfare raged across the remainder of the planet's surface, frustrating the Imperial Army's attempts to pacify the world. Alpharius placed the blame for the sluggish progress solely on Khatar's strategies of siege and containment. The two commanders grew ever more distant from one another, to the detriment of the war effort. Just as it seemed that the relationship reached breaking point, Guilliman returned. Alpharius immediately sought his counsel on the matter. The meeting of the two Primarchs did nothing to improve the situation, which escalated from cordial disagreement to divisive argument within an hour of the two brothers entering the room. An irreparable rift between the two brothers, caused by both party's accusations and insults, which culminated in Alpharius and his legion withdrawing completely from the Ultramarines' campaign.


Guilliman swept past the lines of Alpha Legion honour guard flanking the corridor, his face betraying none of his thoughts. It was not until the strategy chamber's doors had closed behind him, leaving him alone with his brother Primarch, that his emotions became clear.

"Your actions are undermining the campaign," he said coldly.

At this, the figure surveying the tactical readouts on the holotable straightened from his studies. Alpharius met Guilliman's gaze unflinchingly through the dance of light depicting troop movements and battle reports.

"It is not my actions that are damaging the progression of this war brother. You must look to First Captain Khatar if you wish to find the cause. His command has proven insufficient and inflexible, allowing the enemy not only to survive but to be victorious," responded the smaller Primarch with a hint of anger.

Guilliman was offended by the implicit criticism of him and his legion, and defended his captain, saying that Alpharius' victories would never even compare to the lowest of the Ultramarines' captains' tallies.

Will show both Guilliman and Alpharius at fault.
Guilliman's Insults














The Ultramarines continued the campaign alone with Guilliman at the forefront. Although one of the hives fell to the renewed efforts of the [X]th Legion, their Primarch was evactuated to orbit following a grevious wound inflicted by [something or other, poisoned blade?]. With this, the Girantians believed they had broken the back of the Imperial war effort. This belief was proven to be sorely mistaken as the Alpharius unleashed his own campaign. The first sign of this was as the capital hive's void shields fell, leaving the city open to orbital assault. However, while the doomed inhabitants fearfully watched the skies and formidable aerial defences activated, the blow fell from a far less expected direction. From the seabed roared a mighty Astartes armour column, which quickly spread throughout the city seeking key military centers and destroying any obstacles encountered. The city was soon subjugated, leaving a sole city left resisting the Imperial warmachine. It is said that this city was destroyed after the supposed capture of a squad of Alpha Legionnaires by guerillas led to the gates being opened to the waiting Imperial Army. After these emphatic victories, the Alpha Legion returned to its fleet. No word was spoken to the Ultramarines, the sight of the subjugated world the strongest possible rebuttal of Guilliman's words.

Each expedition passed onwards, Alpharius pressing towards the outermost regions of the Eastern Fringe while Guilliman forged towards the galactic centre. Alpharius brooded on Guilliman's insults, turning his thoughts towards proving Guilliman wrong. The Primarch emerged from his chambers and addressed his legion. The legion would be equal in its contribution to expanding and safeguarding the Emperor's Realm. No more would the Alpha Legion be treated as an inferior. Alpharius decreed that the legion would be split across the galaxy and use their abilities where they would be most needed. The Alpha Legion would be the difference between victory and defeat at the forefront of the Great Crusade, simply by lending Astartes strength and cunning where there was none. So it was that numerous squads and demi-companies were sent across the Imperium to those elements of the Imperium's expansion that lacked Astartes support. It was at this time that reports came from across the Great Crusade of the Alpha Legion's captains' great contribution to the progress of the Crusade. There was in fact many, many more reports of excellence from captains than the amount of captains the Alpha Legion was thought to have possessed. As the legion honed its new skills, the storm clouds were gathering around the steadily expanding Imperium. Soon the Great Crusade would be split thrice and brother would face brother on the field of battle as the Emperor's grandiose plans for humanity fell into ruin.

Heresy

As Guilliman's line of conquests continued, discontent grew over his so-called 'Segmentum Ultramar'. From within the Adminastratum, many expressed views that the worlds conquered by Guilliman were not part of the Emperor's Realm but instead only answered to Macragge. Although Guilliman addressed these issues on a number of occasions, unease still existed among various factions. So when Dorn, the Emperor's Praetorian, came to his fellow Primarchs warning of Segmentum Ultramar's secession from the Imperium, many felt their views were vindicated. When Dorn approached Alpharius with his plan of conquest for Guilliman's upstart realm, Alpharius wholeheartedly accepted it, despite having to work alongside the overzealous Word Bearers. To Alpharius, the presence of the Emperor's Praetorian was an indication of the Emperor's will in this matter and more than enough reason not to question any of Dorn's information or orders. The animosity Alpharius still carried over Guilliman's comments was also not far from the Primarch's mind. There was finally a chance to prove the Alpha Legion was equal in skill to its brothers.
Alpharius addressing his Legion, before the first strike into Ultramarine territory
"None shall make me break faith with my father. No xenos lies or false visions will convince me to turn from the light, no matter how deep the darkness I walk in. This is my word and so shall it be yours."
The Word Bearers and Alpha Legion marshaled their forces outside of the Ultramar Segmentum. Alpharius' legion moved into the Ultramarine's territory before the main strike of the Word Bearers, sowing confusion and destruction among the enemy's defences. Although less than fifty worlds were fully conquered by the Alpha Legion, a vast number more were simply unable to function as a result of the legion's efforts. These actions drew vital resources away from where the Word Bearers intended to attack and ensured that their fleet would not be flanked by the Ultramarines. Alpharius dealings with Lorgar were cautious and reserved, the Primarch being mindful of the vast differences between the two of them and his earlier rift with Guilliman. With Alpharius' strategies and Lorgar's zeal, the unlikely pair and their legions forged a path into the Ultramarine's realm.

After the Word Bearers success in defeating the Ultramarine fleet in what would come to be known as the Battle for the Abyss, they struck onwards into the heart of the Ultramar Segmentum. This was where the Ultramarines had fortified most strongly, waiting for the loyalists to break upon defences worthy of Pertuarbo's and Dorn's praise. Any direct assault had no guarantee of success, given the Ultramarine Legion's swollen numbers and the task of confronting the remainder of the Segmentum's fleet. It was Alpharius who suggested the ploy of a decoy to lure the Ultramarines away from their home system's hefty defences. He reasoned that only the ultimate prize would be able to draw Guilliman to attack and that was the chance to cut off the head of the enemy's chain of command. Lorgar quickly agreed, although he insisted on the honour of assaulting the Macragge system first.

And so word of an Alpha Legion headquarters on Eskrador was leaked to Guilliman. Predictably, the Primarch's response was an attempt to annihilate the head of the enemy force. Even as the Ultramarines descended upon the world from the heavens, they had little idea of the trap that awaited them. The civilian population, incensed by a series of genocidal strikes by Alpha Legionnaires armoured in Ultramarine colours, rose against their lieges. The situation was further confused as the Alpha Legion began their attacks, some still wearing the heraldry of the Ultramarines. Although the Ultramarines were far numerically larger, the battle was poised evenly. It was in this situation that the two Primarchs found themselves facing one another. The two gods of war battled through the ruins of the once-prosperous world, blade against blade as the battle intensified around them. As exhaustion seeped into their limbs, it was inevitable that one's defence would slip under the other's relentless assault. And so it was that Guilliman's blade pierced first Alpharius' defences and then his heart, leaving only one brother to continue the battle.

Expecting the Alpha Legion to fall back after the disastrous loss of their Primarch, the Ultramarines were sorely surprised by the opposing legion's continued efforts in attack. In the chaos that occurred after Alpharius' supposed death, several prominent Ultramarine commanders including Captains Orar and Khatar met their ends, showing that even under the greatest strain, the Alpha Legion's tenet of ultimate adaptability prevailed. Eventually, Guilliman's superior numbers crushed the remainder of the Alpha Legionnaires as they fought to the last with no avenue of escape. Many have taken this last stand as a rare emotional response from the remaining Astartes as they died by their Primarch's grave while others have raised questions about the likelihood of Alpharius, an exceptionally gifted tactician, leaving no fallback for defeat. For whatever reason, the sacrifice of the Alpha Legion upon Eskrador tied up a great portion of the Ultramarine Legion, leaving the opportunity for the Word Bearers to strike at the weakened core worlds.

However, this blow was to never land. Rocked by the death of the Emperor, the Word Bearers began retreating to Terra in dismay. These actions were seen simply as betrayal by the Alpha Legion. They had upheld their promises, sacrificing the very blood of the legion, while the Word Bearers had squandered the opportunity to crush the renegade legion. The Ultramarines took advantage of this situation to retreat to their core worlds and to harry the Word Bearers fleet. With fully half of the Imperial force gone, the Ultramarines were able to concentrate on restricting the Alpha Legion's insurrectionist activities and attacks. Although the scale of the Alpha Legion's activities within the Segmentum were reduced when compared to during the Heresy, the threat has never been entirely quashed by the Ultramarines.

As the last of the servitors scurried away from the ancient mechanisms, two figures remained standing in front of the newly installed shrine. One was magnificently clad in gold and purple artificer armour, the other in a simple, plain cloak but both dwarfed the subservient machine-slaves. The first figure was easily identified as Fulgrim, the Primarch of the Emperor's Children, by his heraldry and size, who stood even taller than the other man's frame. This other human was far less easily placed. The plain cloak obscured any facial or body details, although his general size was that of a normal Legionnaire.

"Your plan was exquisitely executed. And for it, the artifact you desired. As described, the ring was on the traitor," Fulgrim said as he offered the cloaked figure an ancient ring. Light flashed off the corroded surface, revealing the engraved symbol of a hydra. The other marine took it without comment, sliding it onto his finger alongside an identical ring. Silence filled the room as the two gazed on the agonized face of Guilliman. Both were lost in thought, of what had been, could have been and would be.

"What now for the Alpha Legion?" Fulgrim enquired.

"We will ensure that this does not happen again. No man will be able to betray the Emperor as Dorn did. We will find them. All of them," replied the cloaked figure grimly.















Hydra Dominatus

Since the Heresy, the Alpha Legion have continued their style of warfare against the forces of Chaos, xenos and traitorous Ultramarines. It is in the shadows that the Legion fights the Long War to preserve the Imperium. Few outside the Legions and the upper levels of the Imperium's bureaucracy are aware of their existence, let alone their operations. Within the Imperium's borders, the Alpha Legion's efforts are put toward rooting out malcontents, such as the so called 'Grey Knights', and the traitorous cancer of chaos. The majority of these actions are undertaken by human agents recruited by the Alpha Legion. No pre-heresy records mention any sign of the legion carrying out such a program, so it can be assumed that the Alpha Legion began recruiting during the restructuring period of the Scouring. An alternative to this theory is that the legion merely was so good at this practice that none noticed during the Great Crusade. This covert warfare ensures that the Imperium remains stable.

The Ultramar Segmentum has been a constant target for the Alpha Legion and a prime example of the legion's ability to spread destruction and anarchy across an enemy's territory. It is the region in which some of the legion's greatest victories and worst defeats lie. While the memory of Eskrador and the loss of a primarch may never be forgotten, the Alpha Legion have not fallen into a mental trap such as a number of the other legions have with the fortress world of Istvaan. The targets of the Alpha Legion are varied across the entire Segmentum and no world safe from their activities. Such incidents as the infiltration and destruction of the Guilliman's Swords chapter, the Exterminatus of Prandium and even the antics of the 'Ultramarine Captain' Ventris have proved that the legion's abilities are far from hampered by the efforts of the Ultramarines.

There are many more enemies than the Ultramarines for the Alpha Legion. The fact that eight other legions betrayed their oaths to the Emperor has not been forgotten. However, the legion's normal methods of sowing confusion, infiltration and planted agents are much less effective due to the eternal, malevolent gaze of the Chaos Gods and the risk of corruption. Yet the legion has found ways around this seemingly insurmountable obstacle. With the use of psychic nulls and Librarians, the Alpha Legion's conspiracies are masked from the view of the enemy's diabolic patrons. Such techniques as memory insertion, fake personalities and subconscious orders are also all within the legion's capabilities. If such measures fail, then less subtle methods such as cold steel and primed boltguns will be used to excise the cancer of chaos from the galaxy.

Organization
The Legion still operates largely in squads or cells, as they have since Alpharius' splitting of the Legion across the galaxy during the Great Crusade. It is a rare occurrence when the Alpha Legion fights in anything more than company level. How united the Legion remains or even how they communicate remains unknown. It is likely that the chapter uses the only means of near instantaneous interstellar communication of astrotelepathy. The means of obtaining an independent network of such psykers would be almost impossible for any force in the galaxy to obtain and maintain. This means that the Alpha Legion must use coded communications across the Imperium's astrotelepath circuit. What degree of access this gives them to the entire network remains undiscovered, despite several probes by the Astro Telepathicus.

Some actions that harmed the Imperium are suspected to have been carried out by the Alpha Legion. Whether the evidence has been mistaken or whether it is a sign that the Legion has become splintered is not clear. The risk of fighting the taint of Chaos through infiltration is indeed great and throughout the legion's history, there has been individuals that have fallen to the Dark Gods. The duty of hunting down such renegades would be one of the most difficult for the legion. Given this, it seems likely that such a task would be given to the very best of the Alpha Legion, their first Grand Company. The knowledge each marine possesses is in no way enough to destroy the legion should the enemy come to possess it but any such defections can set the Alpha Legion back centuries in their planning for the affected sectors.

Even before the Heresy, monitoring the size of the Alpha Legion was almost an impossible task. With the legion's further withdrawal from contact and greater focus on misdirection, this task has become literally impossible. The legion also not only numbers Astartes among its dedicated fighting ranks but also serfs and whispers of much more mysterious troops. Many of the Scouring-era High Lords suspected the Alpha Legion of striking a pact with the Sisters of Silence that lead to the Sisters' disappearance from the Imperium. However, many others point out the losses sustained in the Heresy and the difficulty of finding suitable recruits is more likely to have led to the order's immediate decline. Whatever the truth, it can be sure that the Alpha Legion has agents throughout the Imperium of every conceivable kind.


Lysander swung his thunder hammer as best he could in the confined corridors, pulverising the chest of the human and sending his corpse thumping into the wall. The raid on the Alpha Legion staging post had been a success so far. The inhabitants of Haddrake Tor had not expected discovery by their enemies and so their defences were lacking, at least for the brute force of the Black Legion's First Grand Company.

He blinked at the blue armour of his adversary. Had he not seen this before? Memories of his imprisonment on Malodrax, of blue armoured figures surfaced even as he continued to slaughter his way towards the psyker. But it couldn't be, Malodrax had been the bastard Iron Warriors' fortress world and no trace of the Alpha Legion had been noticed when he revisited the world with vengeance. He shook his head. The psyker must be clouding his mind!

With a roar, he charged towards the source of his confusion.
Lysander's Story










Geneseed

As with all of the Legions before the Heresy, the Alpha Legion maintained the purity of their own geneseed through their Apothecarian. Indeed, the initial high purity of the geneseed was believed to be the main factor causing the extreme similarity between Alpha Legionnaires and their Primarch. The current status of the geneseed is entirely unknown due the little contact that Alpha Legion has with the rest of the Imperium. Indeed, the Legion could have descended into mutation and madness, and none in the Imperium would be wiser.

Several investigations by the Mechanicus have suggested that the human agents used by the Alpha Legion exhibit many of the traits normally associated with the Astartes organs. As with anything concerning the Alpha Legion, any evidence is likely to be subject to distortion, misinformation and fallacy. However, given the sheer number of incidents found by the various probes, there must be some truth to these claims. How these humans came to possess the benefits of an Astartes physiology is of immense interest to the Mechanicus. If these are indeed ordinary human recruits that have been implanted with only portions of geneseed, it points to an extremely pure geneseed or a knowledge that is thought to only to have been possessed by the Mechanicus. Another possibility is that these humans are simply recruits that survive the a failed implantation process and if this was true, the adepts of the Machine God would rest a lot easier.

The method of recruitment that the Alpha Legion uses is also unknown. Whether or not Alpharius ever returned to the planet where he landed as an infant remains shrouded in mystery. If the Alpha Legion do indeed possess a homeworld, it has never been discovered by any within the Imperium. Without a homeworld to recruit from, the legion would have to resort to recruiting from the battlefields that they find themselves upon. Given the seemingly split organization of the Alpha Legion, it would seem unlikely that central recruiting would suit their modus operandi. The Legion recruits not only potential Astartes but also for other needs, such as access to organisations and information. There is no sign of who might be an agent, no physical mark or abnormal behavior to betray their affiliation.

Combat Doctrine

The most complete picture of the Alpha Legion's combat doctrine is in their pre-Heresy activities. The legion's tactical flexibility was reflected in the greater initiative given to squad commanders. This trait of squad focused warfare was only magnified with the splitting of the legion across the fledgling Imperium during the Great Crusade. Given their small forces, the Alpha Legion concentrate on infiltration, misdirection, sabotage and pinpoint application of force as their choice tactics. Every marine lost greatly impairs the ability of the squad or taskforce to function in the longer term, so every strategic action taken by the legion is tempered by caution and patience. However, the legion is ever ready to seize either tactical or strategic opportunities if presented.

It should not be forgotten that the vast majority of the Alpha Legion's work is not carried out on the battlefield. It is done by the vast network of human operatives, who range from simple scribes to those who govern entire planets. From this the legion gains technology, information and influence. With such tools, an Alpha Legion cell leader can root out chaos cults, prepare an ignorant planet for war and secure raw materials such as munitions and potential Astartes for the legion's cause. This shadowy struggle ensures that the Imperium maintains its stability despite the cunning efforts of both alien and treacher.

With the vast majority of their number spread thinly across the entirety of the galaxy, the Alpha Legion must rely on other methods to bring large military forces to bear. Often the most readily available force for these purposes are those of xenos empires such as the ever common Orks. This can be achieved by various methods, whether it be through provocation by covert military actions or simple bribery of leaders. The best demonstration of this tactic can be observed in the Ultramar Segmentum. The Ork empire of Charadon has launched Waaagh after Waaagh into the Ultramarine's realm and each has wreaked great damage to the Segmentum, requiring the mobilisation of a number of chapters in order to stop the Orks' rampage. The previously friendly alien race of the Tau turned viciously against the Ultramarines, claiming that a campaign of extermination carried out on their Third Sphere Expansions had been carried out by forces clad in the livery of the Guilliman's Swords chapter. While the chapter denied all knowledge of its supposed atrocities, the chapter's homeworld was the first world to taste the full fury of the Tau's burgeoning military force. Some even whisper that the Tyranids' direct incursion into the realm of Ultramar was engineered by the Alpha Legion.

When the Legion fights by itself, it rarely fights in anything above squad level. However, the Legion will not hesitate to unleash the full might of a Company or even several of them to accomplish its goals. Such use of these brutal tactics by the legion is relatively rare when compared to other loyalist legions' use but they are no less effective. The majority of the Legion's combat actions do not even directly involve full Astartes but are instead carried out by recruited forces or the Legion's serfs. The serfs of the Legion appear to have a much higher level of respect within the structure of the legion, as evidenced by their increased involvement in all levels of the Legion's activities. This is not surprising for a Legion that prides itself on subterfuge and infiltration of organizations, given the serfs' more human appearance lending an easier ability to excel in the legion's speciality.


The Terrible Angel hung in formation above the twisted world of Cadia along with thousands of other battleships. The forces of Sigismund had assembled to oppose the latest loyalist surge into the Eye of Terror. Even a few ragtag remnants from the other treacher legions had rallied to the world, for their own reasons. And so it was that Lysander stood upon the bridge of this ancient spacecraft, silently watching as the void dance of death and destruction commenced.

"Milord, we have been boarded," an aide called from its place behind a monitor.

Lysander shut his eyes as images swirled destructively through his mind, flitting razorsharp. The purple eyes of the psyker, an Astartes Corpse God priest pronouncing last rites over him, training with his squadmates, his squadmates that proudly displayed the hydra on their shoulderpads and the thunderbolt of the corpse god on their chest. And so it was that Lysander of the Black Legion died, dragged screaming into the depths of his brain. And as Lysander fell through the twisted corridors of consciousness, another rose in his place. Kain opened his eyes and smiled.

"Ave Imperator," he sighed reverently to himself as he drew back his thunderhammer and sent it crashing into the nearest heretic's head.

+++

"Hydra Dominatus," the naked Astartes proclaimed, making the sign of the Aquila on his chest as blue-clad loyalists entered the gore streaked bridge.
Part Two



















Warcry
Though the phrase is more often whispered as a recognition code rather than shouted on the battlefield, the legion still uses its Pre-Heresy warcry of "Hydra Dominatus".

Edited by Sigismund Himself, 08 July 2010 - 11:33 AM.


#2
Ferrata

Ferrata

    ++ PUNIO TRUCIDO ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 9,909 posts
The Ultramarine fan inside of me wants to warn you not to make the first half of this IA 'We kicked the Ultramarines areses here, here and here...', but that could also be because I don't like the Alpha Legion ;) I would still suggest you don't make them look to super in defeating everyone, but it does need to favour them.

I presume the reason the Alpha Legion didn't fall was because Horus didn't fall, simple as.

Lysander; I wouldn't go into too much detail here, as it really doesn't further the Legion much bar showing they are devious and don't only fight the Ultramarines. Maybe just suggesting that they managed to infiltrate one of their own into the Black Legion and were able to cause devastating defeats from within, but without mentioning a name.

I'm not sure about the same representative for 10000 years, who is this meant to be?

Finally, could the Alpha Legion disappear like they do in the Real 'Verse and still be part of the Imperium?

It is looking like it is going to shape into a good IA though ;) , even if the Legion does suck :P

#3
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
I have been looking forward to what you have planned for this, Matt. :P

Heresy: Legion split across the galaxy, mostly across Ultramar. Caused massive insurrection and damage etc. On Eskandor, it is said that the Ultramarines managed to hunt down a cell of the Legion. The Ultramarines claim Guilliman to have killed Alpharius but evidence was not provided as Guilliman ordered the body burnt. Legion continued operating at peak efficiency and the deaths of several high ranking Ultramarines commanders (Orar etc.) happened in the 'chaos'. Insurrection across Ultramar continued unabated and it was only once the Word Bearers were repulsed that the Ultramarines could turn their full attention to the Alpha Legion.

On this score, any thoughts about the terrible 'Omegon' twin thing introduced in 'Legion'? It will almost certainly be in people's thoughts so it is worth addressing it in some way, even if it is the implication that one of them was truly killed.

On the mention of the Word Bearers, I was thinking of working on that one next instead of my other choice, the Thousand Sons.

Many believe that it was the Alpha Legion who brought about the Hive fleets into Ultramar (Inquisitor Kryptman’s research). Also believe it was their actions that brought the Tau into conflict with Ultramar, after many decades of peace. Also use the Ork empire of Charadon.

Colourpiece: Kryptman's report. Suggests the Hive Fleets were orchestrated by Alpha Legion and questions why now the Tyranids are attacking the Imperium

You know, I don't think I have ever mentioned Inquisitors up to this point, let alone said their names or histories. They could be different in any number of ways that have not been addressed yet - it is a blank page.

How would they have drawn the Tyranids? Did they even have knowledge of them before, let alone know how to draw them there? The timings for their arrival in the Imperium are identical in both timelines, indicating that they were unaffected, but parties could certainly believe that they affected it if it adds to the story.

Are not confined to Ultramar. Indeed, have tangled with the Black Legion many times. First Captain Lysander is said to have lead an attack on an Alpha Legion base, which lead to the loss of many of the First Grand Company’s veterans. Later on, it has been suggested that it was the Legion’s efforts that somehow saw Lysander captured by the Iron Warriors. Although Lysander escaped, it is said that Sigismund killed the returning Captain for incompetence and the loss of Legion relics. (or I was thinking about actually making Lysander a double agent. The switch was made at the place where in the real 'verse Lysander became commander of the Fists' First Company. He then does the normal things etc but then it is his actions that lead to the loss of a great portion of the First Grand Company to the Iron Warriors. Thoughts?)

Including Lysander was a good touch! Him being a chaos marine might give more options to the timeline than the clanky 'lost in the warp' addition from the recent codex. I can't comment on the best way to take it at the moment... it depends on the execution.

Has been suggested by many that some of the Alpha Legion's agents possess many of the traits exhibited in Space Marines (spitting acid, going into a comma). Possibility of the Legion actually implanting geneseed into humans or using failed aspirants high. This suggest geneseed is very pure and that they have either excellent facilities hidden somewhere or that they have a fresh source of geneseed...

I like this - an extention of the agents in Legion... although having the super-secret agents marked with a tattoo was not one of Abnett's better thought out ideas! 'Going into a comma' made me laugh, though! :blink: On an unrelated point I have not said that the loyal legions tithe geneseed to Mars, by the way, only that the Ultramarines tithe it to Macragge...

Colourpiece: Silent marine in cloak watching Guilliman’s installation into the Shrine on Terra. Hinted to be Alpha Legion, possibly primarch. Possibly refers to chopping one head off and another growing in its place.

Not clear of the point yet, beyond the evocative image, so I will reserve judgement until I see more details. :)

Represented on the Council of Terra by an unknown marine. Legion's representative has been identical throughout 10 000 years.

Again I have not detailed the makeup of the council / high lords, and this mention would not step on any toes. Alive for 10K years would indeed be good at indicating that a primarch survived. I take it that he is not a permanent member, always away from the legion, and that he just turns up occasionally to brief the (other?) high lords.

Because their history has been (in both histories) one of confronting the Ultras, it would be fair to spend some time on how they outwitted them. IA Ultramarines told the tale of how they (from their perspective) defeated / fought off the Alpha Legion, so it's only fair to tell the other side of the story. ;)
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#4
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts

I would still suggest you don't make them look to super in defeating everyone, but it does need to favour them.

I'm trying to strike the level of balance in this but at this stage it's a bit difficult to judge it correctly.

I presume the reason the Alpha Legion didn't fall was because Horus didn't fall, simple as.

I also think it would be because Guilliman 'turned' as well.

I'm not sure about the same representative for 10000 years, who is this meant to be?

Alive for 10K years would indeed be good at indicating that a primarch survived. I take it that he is not a permanent member, always away from the legion, and that he just turns up occasionally to brief the (other?) high lords.

It's not necessarily the same marine, it's just that the marine advising them always looks the same as the first one to introduce himself to the Council. He wouldn't be there permanently, but his presence on Terra indicates that the Legion has cells even there and a way to get onto Terra, despite the investigations of the Inquisition. And that they've continued the practice of surgery etc. to try to look as much like their primarch as possible.

Finally, could the Alpha Legion disappear like they do in the Real 'Verse and still be part of the Imperium?

I think that they would disappear. Some contact could possibly be kept with a few of their brother Legions (possibly a good link with the Word Bearers and Ecclisiarchy?) but for the most part the Legion would be invisible within the Imperium. They would have eyes and ears in every part of the Imperium, I would imagine.

On this score, any thoughts about the terrible 'Omegon' twin thing introduced in 'Legion'? It will almost certainly be in people's thoughts so it is worth addressing it in some way, even if it is the implication that one of them was truly killed.

I think that one of them will all but be confirmed to have been killed by Guilliman.

You know, I don't think I have ever mentioned Inquisitors up to this point, let alone said their names or histories. They could be different in any number of ways that have not been addressed yet - it is a blank page.

Any thoughts on the Inquisition? I think that this IA may explore them a little bit as I'm intending to have something of a relationship between the Legion and them. Whether it is fairly antagonistic or if the Inquisition mostly leaves the Legion be, I'm not sure of yet. But I think that the Alpha Legion will have infiltrated the Inquisition somewhat at least. Absolute power via an Inquisitorial Seal is too good a chance not to use ;)

How would they have drawn the Tyranids? Did they even have knowledge of them before, let alone know how to draw them there? The timings for their arrival in the Imperium are identical in both timelines, indicating that they were unaffected, but parties could certainly believe that they affected it if it adds to the story.

It's more that some believe it, rather than it actually happening. The similarities between the Legion's icon, the hydra and the tyranids, the way that the Legion has used aliens before to attack Ultramar and the funny way the Hive Fleet headed straight for Macragge would all present some ideas for an observer.

Though I could see the Legion actually directing the second Hive Fleet invasion happen by planting Genestealers on worlds. This also clouds the Legion's true motives if the suggestion is made that the Legion are directing the aliens and then they attack the Imperium.

Again I have not detailed the makeup of the council / high lords, and this mention would not step on any toes.

So the mention of a Council is alright? I envisioned that there would be a Council of Terra in this universe, with the High Lords but then also with representatives from each of the Legions stationed there.

although having the super-secret agents marked with a tattoo was not one of Abnett's better thought out ideas!

Agreed, I'm not planning on really mentioning any tattoos at all.

'Going into a comma' made me laugh, though!

:lol:

On an unrelated point I have not said that the loyal legions tithe geneseed to Mars, by the way, only that the Ultramarines tithe it to Macragge...

I'll change that from most Legions to all then or leave it out.

Thanks for the initial feedback.

#5
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts

So the mention of a Council is alright? I envisioned that there would be a Council of Terra in this universe, with the High Lords but then also with representatives from each of the Legions stationed there.

It is fine, Matt. I only mentioned it because it made me think that as it had not been covered in this 'verse yet that it was a relatively blank canvas for us to explore. What you have above certainly doesn't tread on any toes.

This arena would be a good place for us to establish what the format would be - the twelve as normal with Astartes legion representatives additional to this number, or mix things up and make the representatives additional voting members boosting the number to say twenty? Lorgar would probably claim the Ecclesiarch seat on the council (as well as representation for his own legion - I have been thinking of this in prep for writing IA:WB!), Abaddon would head the high lords after the heresy... This need not even be clearly established in the project, but as long as we have it straight it will be more consistent.
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#6
Ferrata

Ferrata

    ++ PUNIO TRUCIDO ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 9,909 posts
I've been thinking about the Word Bearer/Alpha Legion relationship, and I could see a source of tension between the two, at least Alpha Legion to Word Bearer. The Alpha Legion could view the Word Bearer tactics too brutish, more of a warhammer approach over their dagger in the dark style. They could also blame the failings of the Word Eaters for the death of their Primarch/one of their Primarchs...You could also draw links between the two for use of humans in war, but in different manners.

#7
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
The AL and WB both use human cultists extensively in the norm-'verse and so clash, and I could see them having similar rivalries and MO's in this alt-'verse. I would imagine the Word Bearers would be a lot less subtle than the Alpha Legion, using massed ranks of religious fanatic to choke the enemy's guns with gore before they attack - as they did in the norm IA:WB.

There may be scope for the Alpha Legion to resent the Word Bearers for cutting and running on the death of The Emperor and leaving them to fight the Ultramarines alone, but would the Alphas really take this too seriously? Was the death of (one of) their primarch(s) part of their wider plan? Was it little more than they would expect from the WB who they would probably not have got on with anyway?
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#8
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Apologies for the lack of my presence here, I've just got to finish an English assignment for two days from now.

#9
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
No problem - good luck with it, Matt. :)
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#10
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts

This arena would be a good place for us to establish what the format would be - the twelve as normal with Astartes legion representatives additional to this number, or mix things up and make the representatives additional voting members boosting the number to say twenty? Lorgar would probably claim the Ecclesiarch seat on the council (as well as representation for his own legion - I have been thinking of this in prep for writing IA:WB!), Abaddon would head the high lords after the heresy... This need not even be clearly established in the project, but as long as we have it straight it will be more consistent.

20 spots make sense.

Rivalry between Word Bearers/Alpha Legion: I don't see a massive rivalry but I guess there is some reasons for dislike. I don't see the Alpha Legion getting annoyed at them for cutting and running from Ultramar. I plan on the Alpha Legion already having and then executing a back up plan for if/when the Word Bearers retreated. As for the conflict over similar use of 'fanatics', I don't really see it as being as big as in the real 'verse.

#11
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
I was working on the Word Bearer Alt-IA yesterday and included a link to the AL that I wanted to run past you, Matt. It is in the Ultramar Segmentum section where they both head off to take on the Ultramarines. In an extention to the Ultramarines version of the story in their IA it proposes that the AL lured Guilliman and the ultras to Eskrador intentionally to leave the Word Bearers a shot at attacking Macragge. The AL did their part and even 'lost Alpharius' in the process, but before the WB could attack they got word that the Emperor had 'died' and left the AL in the lurch. Although I have not mentioned any antagonism, the AL IA would be the place to show it... unless they expected no better from the WB zealots of course.

How does this sound to you, Matt? I hope it doesn't conflict with anything you had planned.

Thanks,
John.
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#12
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
It all makes sense to me, John ;)

I'm not sure on the degree of animosity that would be between them. I could understand some degree (and this could play a part in the Age of Apostasy, perhaps) existing, but not a huge amount. I'd see the Legion already having a back up plan for such a situation as the failure of the Word Bearers and adapting to the situation, with not that much impact.

I plan to make some progress with this tomorrow.

#13
Apothete

Apothete

    +FRATER DOMUS+

  • + LEXICANIUM +
  • 624 posts
Before I even get into the writeup itself, I just thought I would take this opportunity to ask why the Dornian Heresy universe has an Inquisition at all. Could the role not be filled by the Alpha Legion and its agents, since they excel at misdirection, covert operations, and the use of information as a warfighting tool?

Alpharius declared his legion ready for combat and struck out from Terra with his own expedition, striking out into the more unknown corners of the Eastern Fringe.


Minor nitpick: They struck out twice.

As Guilliman's line of conquests continued, discontent grew over his so-called 'Segmentum Ultramar'. From within the Adminastratum, many expressed views that the worlds conquered by Guilliman were not part of the Emperor's Realm but instead only answered to Macragge. Although Guilliman addressed these issues on a number of occasions, unease still existed among various factions. So when Dorn, the Emperor's Praetorian, came to his fellow Primarchs warning of Segmentum Ultramar's secession from the Imperium, many felt their views were vindicated. The details of the meeting between Alpharius and Dorn are unknown, though several reasonable guesses can be made. To Alpharius, the presence of the Emperor's Praetorian would have been an indication of the Emperor's will in this matter and more than enough reason not to question any of Dorn's information or orders. It also seems likely that Alpharius would not have forgotten the events of Girant and still have carried a certain anger towards Guilliman.


Aside from fleshing out the happenings on Girant, I think that this is entirely plausible and a good explanation that hangs together with the rest of the Dornian Heresy. Alterverse Alpharius gets to keep his seething dislike of Guilliman and sink into ever more complicated schemes, starting from his belief in the Emperor and spiraling out of control as events move along.

If you were to at all be interested in taking the tack where the Alpha Legion fulfill the duties of some of the 'normverse bodies - Inquisition, Officio Assassinorum, etc - then this would be the place to plant the seeds, perhaps with Dorn encouraging the unorthodox means employed by Alpharius as a way to ensure disruption of the supply lines in Ultramar later in the war. The practice that they would gain in waging war by means other than direct planetary assault could easily justify the Legion's later taking up the mantle of an intelligence and black operations task force within the Imperium, answering to none but Terra and striking from the shadows with absolute, ruthless authority when their subterfuge isn't enough. Alpharius' farflung informational resources would also be an asset were he to be put in charge of such an organization, and the alteration would add a layer of (in my mind) plausible differentiation from the events of the 'normverse.

I suppose, alternatively, the position that there is an independent Inquisition could be maintained, while the Alpha Legion has severely comprised their ranks and riddled the entire structure with plants, sleeper agents, and dupes. I just like the idea of a Primarch doing something other than just fighting war after war, especially one as suited to it as Alpharius.

I was thinking about actually making Lysander a double agent. The switch was made at the place where in the real 'verse Lysander became commander of the Fists' First Company. He then does the normal things etc but then it is his actions that lead to the loss of a great portion of the First Grand Company to the Iron Warriors. Thoughts?)


This. Definitely this.

We will ensure that this does not happen again. No man will be able to betray the Emperor as Dorn did ever again. We will find them first.


This is just personal taste, but I kind of like the way this sounds if you change only the last sentence to "We will find them. All of them." It gives the statement a menacing tone that isn't entirely there in the original, plus it could leave hooks for further Dornian works to address the Lost Legion's analogs.

I plan to make some progress with this tomorrow.


We have tomorrows of similar length, it seems. :rolleyes:
You just had to look around you, Grey Knight, and you'd have seen it. What is Chaos? Suffering, you might say. Oppression. Deceit. But could not all of these things be said of your Imperium?
-Ghargatuloth, Prince of a Thousand Faces, Grey Knights.

The Exonerators Index Astartes WIP + The Inscrutable Index Traitoris WIP + The Black Friars Index Astartes WIP


#14
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
I noticed the last update was on the 7th July, and so it is good to see this taking shape, Matt. I hope the mojo is rising. :)

Just a few notes before lunchtime is up, so please forgive the brevity.

On the name, I am not certain about the coincidence of it already being called the Alpha Legion, and him independently being called Alpharius. If you want a nod to 'Legion' and Omegon twin then how about, as the 20th (last) legion, they were initially called the Omega (final) Legion, but Alpharius changed it to the Alpha Legion. Does his twin even survive here?

In Alt-IA Ultras I got the impression that Guilliman was pretty much alone in happily bringing the eastern fringe to compliance. We certainly need a reason to have G and A feud - would the absorbtion of some of the worlds the Alpha Legion brought to compliance by the ever-expanding borders of Ultramar Segmentum be a nice trigger? They would feel betrayed by the populace 'preferring' the Ultramarines to them, in effect?

Is Girant a world that has already been mentioned in GW canon / by me :blush: or is it a new construct here for the purposes of getting the feud ignited?

I love the idea of Lysander as a hypnotised Manchurian Candidate turncoat, allowed to escape by the Iron Warriors to betray his legion at the worst moment! This is perfect for the Alpha Legion! :D

Re: Seats among the High Lords... Do you mind if I roll back from what we previously discussed and keep it similar to the Norm-'verse idea? However, the massed Astartes crusades organised initially by Abaddon would certainly need representatives which would probably meet on Terra, so could the idea be transposed to this body instead? What is the relevance of the Alpha legion only turning up 5 times in M35? It seems like a plot hook but I can't see where it pays off yet.

Colourtext for Fulgrim and Alpharius - a very nice idea. What is the point of the ring? I assume that it is used as payment by Fulgrim for Alpharius setting Guilliman up, and for Apharius letting Fulgrim take the credit for defeating a primarch apparently singlehandedly - the proud and arrogant git! Could you clarify?

Have to go, but keep it up - this is turning into a very enjoyable read!

John.
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#15
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts

Before I even get into the writeup itself, I just thought I would take this opportunity to ask why the Dornian Heresy universe has an Inquisition at all. Could the role not be filled by the Alpha Legion and its agents, since they excel at misdirection, covert operations, and the use of information as a warfighting tool?

I've come round to this point of view.

If you were to at all be interested in taking the tack where the Alpha Legion fulfill the duties of some of the 'normverse bodies - Inquisition, Officio Assassinorum, etc - then this would be the place to plant the seeds, perhaps with Dorn encouraging the unorthodox means employed by Alpharius as a way to ensure disruption of the supply lines in Ultramar later in the war. The practice that they would gain in waging war by means other than direct planetary assault could easily justify the Legion's later taking up the mantle of an intelligence and black operations task force within the Imperium, answering to none but Terra and striking from the shadows with absolute, ruthless authority when their subterfuge isn't enough. Alpharius' farflung informational resources would also be an asset were he to be put in charge of such an organization, and the alteration would add a layer of (in my mind) plausible differentiation from the events of the 'normverse.

I've started the change of the Legion's warfare after their argument with Guilliman but I think your suggestion is a good one of how it can progress.

This is just personal taste, but I kind of like the way this sounds if you change only the last sentence to "We will find them. All of them." It gives the statement a menacing tone that isn't entirely there in the original, plus it could leave hooks for further Dornian works to address the Lost Legion's analogs.

Good stuff, changed.

We have tomorrows of similar length, it seems. ;)

:P

On the name, I am not certain about the coincidence of it already being called the Alpha Legion, and him independently being called Alpharius. If you want a nod to 'Legion' and Omegon twin then how about, as the 20th (last) legion, they were initially called the Omega (final) Legion, but Alpharius changed it to the Alpha Legion. Does his twin even survive here?

A good suggestion, I'll think on it. Omegan does survive here and is hinted to have been the one killed on Eskrador by Guilliman.

In Alt-IA Ultras I got the impression that Guilliman was pretty much alone in happily bringing the eastern fringe to compliance. We certainly need a reason to have G and A feud - would the absorbtion of some of the worlds the Alpha Legion brought to compliance by the ever-expanding borders of Ultramar Segmentum be a nice trigger? They would feel betrayed by the populace 'preferring' the Ultramarines to them, in effect?

I've got the feud starting on Girant when Alpharius isn't respected at all by one of Guilliman's captains and then when Guilliman backs up his man's tactics and response to Alpharius, the sparks start flying. I've got something of your idea included, in which I'll hint that Alpha Legion recruiting worlds were pressured to join Ultramar Segmentum or even just absorbed feral worlds that the Legion recruited from.

Is Girant a world that has already been mentioned in GW canon / by me -_- or is it a new construct here for the purposes of getting the feud ignited?

It's a new construct. I figured that the IA: Ultramarines didn't really mention it because it wasn't that an important issue to them.

Re: Seats among the High Lords... Do you mind if I roll back from what we previously discussed and keep it similar to the Norm-'verse idea? However, the massed Astartes crusades organised initially by Abaddon would certainly need representatives which would probably meet on Terra, so could the idea be transposed to this body instead?

Perhaps along the lines of the pre-heresy organization, there's a War Council of the Legions and other fighting bodies? This would fit in with the Alt-Verse's greater power among Astartes with the Legions still existing and having a dominant role across the Imperium.

What is the relevance of the Alpha legion only turning up 5 times in M35? It seems like a plot hook but I can't see where it pays off yet.

It helps lead to the devastating effects of Age of Apostasy.

Colourtext for Fulgrim and Alpharius - a very nice idea. What is the point of the ring? I assume that it is used as payment by Fulgrim for Alpharius setting Guilliman up, and for Apharius letting Fulgrim take the credit for defeating a primarch apparently singlehandedly - the proud and arrogant git! Could you clarify?

In the HH books, Horus talks about how his father gave him an ancient ring with the icon of Sagitarius, which is meant to be Horus' sign. Given that the Night Haunter is also mentioned to have had a ring somewhere (I'll try and remember the book), I'm going with the theory that all Primarchs were given a ring by their father. So by having Fulgrim giving Alpharius the ring with the symbol of the Hydra, it confirms that one of the twin Primarchs was killed on Eskrador and that the ring recovery was part of the payment Fulgrim owed the Legion for helping set up Guilliman's ambush.

#16
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Origins and Geneseed finished, other sections in various stages of completion. It's a little bit of word vomit right now, some improvement can be and will be made eventually.

John, do you have any thoughts on a replacement for the Council of Terra/High Lords?

I'm also thinking about mirroring the Inquisition a little more. In this regard, I'm looking to incorporate the Sisters of Silence into the Alpha Legion ala the 'real' Inquisition and the Sisters of Battle as well as the Culexus temple. They will help to shield the Legion from the scrying of psykers and daemons, allowing them to even deceive the most powerful of chaos sorcerers with their schemes. This helps address the problem with having a loyalist force trying to scheme against chaos when the chaos side have the gods on their side.

Not sure how to incorporate anything about the Deathwatch or even the name. If no inspiration comes, I won't try and force it into the IA.

#17
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
This looks significantly more advanced than the previous version. :) I have printed off a copy and will get back to you with feedback ASAP.

Regarding the High Lords, I think it would be simplest to keep it the same as in the norm-'verse, with 12. Regarding the representation of the legions, while Abaddon would initially be the 'grand high military leader guy' among the high lords (I forget the exact title that Guilliman took after the Horus Heresy) and Lorgar for a long while hold the Ecclesiarch seat, I would want to avoid opening it up any further than that. Abaddon, and then his successor's massed Crusades would take on board all of the loyalist legions so if you have a need to mention a representative, that body might be an appropriate place to use.

I have not read the article yet, but I take it that the legion takes on board a lot of the roles of the Inquisition. Given their sneaky and underhand nature this seems logical, but I would be careful not to lay it on too thick - for instance renaming their officers as Inquisitors or Interrogators would be something to avoid, I would guess! :blush: Subtle allusions and parallels, as though they have evolved to fit the required role might work better... How would the other legions react to them 'taking' such power? traditional Inquisitors seem to have absolute power - often misused - do the Alpha legion take a different role, acting as influencers (soft power? Manipulating things behind the scenes?) as they would not have the mandate or overt authority that a norm-'verse Inquisitor would have?

Hmmm... Sorry if this goes off in a completely different direction or if I am jumping the gun. I am sure you have already considered these type of things... It is just that thinking about this got my brain going off in all different directions. :P
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#18
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
Sorry for the brevity - lunchtime is running short and I said I would post SOME feedback here today.

Overall I enjoyed the direction you are taking the Alphas, but I did find that the Girant section was problematic. The whole section seemed to lose pace, being both too detailed and not epic enough. Perhaps it could be edited down severely to give it a more epic sweep? Also, it may be the proximity to me writing the section in the Thousand Sons IA with them helping Russ crack open a tough siege, but it came over as very similar to that in a number of ways, even using the Dorn & Perturabo comparisons. Apologies if you wrote this first! :)

Sorry to have to leave it like this but lunchtime is over and I am at work. I will expand on this as soon as I get the chance.

Regards,
John.
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#19
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Still working on these guys, only six or so paragraphs to go plus one or three colour pieces. Not happy with a lot of wording, will go back through and reword some passages once I've got everything done in at least a draft state.

It would be much appreciated if someone could give it a read over and tell me if they can get a sense of the Alpha Legion and their themes so far. Currently, I think it's a bit too muddy but that might just be me.

#20
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
Happy to give it a read through, mate. Do you have an up to date Word version you could e-mail me? When I tried doing a simple copy and paste the formatting came out a complete mess thanks to the bbcoding.
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#21
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Should be in your inbox now :)

#22
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

    ++ GESTORIS ++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 5,726 posts
Thanks, Matt. I have given this a good read through. As you have mentioned you are still to tidy up the wording, I will focus on the themes rather than nit-picking the little stuff... yet. (Buahahahaha!)

The Alpha Legion are notoriously nebulous and vague, full of double-talk and counter-rumour, and while this is appropriate for them, if it is taken too far it runs the risk of leaving the reader knowing nothing at the end of the article. I think that at the moment it has gone a little too far into the vague side. As the Alt-IA's so far have been very much written from the perspective of the individual legion, there is certainly a precident to get under their skins a little more and be more definite. If you are concerned that it would detract too much from their essential character then another way to reveal information outside the format 'known' by the IA writer is to do it using colourpieces written from the point of view of the Alpha Legionnaires themselves. That way you can misdirect in the main body of the text, but let the reader into the truth (or some of it) in the colourpieces.

On a more specific note, it is getting late, but just a few specific notes.

I was wondering why the Emperor was so happy and trusting of Alpharius at the end of the first origins paragraph. I take it that it is because he is happy to see his final son returned to him, but I think it needs to be clarified for the reader.

As I mentioned previously, the section which initiates the conflict with the Ultramarines is vital, but I still think that the passages with Khatar were too specific and overlong, and lacked the epic sweep that is needed in the IA format. While Khatar himself has scope as a vain 'bad guy' character, I think that the feud could instead be build up over more than just one place... As it is, the transformation is pretty sudden and makes the Alpha legion seem a little petulent. Perhaps it could build to Girant being the final straw after being patronised, ignored and pushed into having their talents misused by their older and more experienced brother legion?

The Heresy section comes over as quite dry at the moment, establishing the same facts that have been covered by the UM and WB IA's, but because we are not getting into their heads (and writing it from their perspective) it isn't adding anything new, such as what the Alpha Legion thought of being left out to dry by the Word Bearers leaving like that after they had sacrificed so much, or for that matter what they thought of the WB beforehand... for instance that they found them tactically naive nutters that replaced faith for a plan, but as fellow friends of Horus they gave them some leeway, and knowing what they were used them accordingly?

Lastly, for tonight, the Lysander bit seems like the perfect place for a colourpiece from his perspective. Perhaps him in the heat of battle being given a trigger command, and his 'Manturian Candidate' agenda being revealed... or something more subtle, such as him alone in his command simulacra, remembering the horrors of his capture and escape from the Iron Warriors, and then going blank and transmitting vital information on what the Black Legion are planning to the Hydra agents?


More later... Hope it is of use.
John.
Posted Image

Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
Click here for the Legio Imprint download thread
Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn

#23
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Pinpointed all the problems I though there was. I will consider how much I want to go into their heads as I think that will be the key to how this IA goes.

Cheers John.

#24
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Origins, Hydra Dominatus, Combat Doctrine, Organisation, Geneseed and Warcry all finished (after watching Tennant's last performance as the Doctor, got to say I'm glad to see the back of Davies after this episode...)! Only details of UM vs AL during Heresy plus colourpieces remain...

Lots of rough wording in places but a couple of heartless rippings gentle critiques should fix that :D There can probably be a lot of improvement in tone and spread of ideas, but for now I'm glad it's got this far :lol:

#25
Sigismund Himself

Sigismund Himself

    ++SCRIBERE NOVELLUS++

  • ++ MODERATI CEDO ++
  • 6,415 posts
Ultramarine section finished, only colourpieces remaining. I'll hopefully be looking to release this around the end of the next month.