DarkGuard Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Would the Dark Angels murder their genetic offspring to keep the secret of The Fallen... A secret? I have No idea how you could do that... But the idea that the Dark Angels, or one of their successors, wouldn't actively tell a successor about The Fallen... I figure it's more confrontational... Like a successor goes What in the Hell are these guys!?, then their parent Chapter, in an awkward position, has to tell them about the "terrible secret"... Like when a child asks their parents what sex is?... Awk-Ward. :D Unless I've totally misunderstood your idea, that is. But, yeah, I like the Hunters, too. No, you have my idea more or less spot on I think. Basically the Dark Angels don't trust them or somewhat and they don't know. But I feel more comfortable with the Hunters, a bit more controversial IMO and bit more fun to write fluff for. Thanks for your input :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 My apologies for 'resurrecting this topic'. It wasn't intentional for leaving this so long, but unfortnately I have been without my laptop for at least two weeks due to technical difficulties. With my laptop revived though, I feel this is the best time to redraft my IA. Now before I do so, however, I would ask all you out there to just pass comment on the content of this IA. If the content is fine and sturdy, then when I redraft I will just do a grammer check, re-phrases things etc. If the content is still weak or bad, I'll focus on that first. Again my apologies for my absence, and thank you in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Nah, that seems pretty solid. :mellow: I'll take another look after the update and see how it stands then. Good stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 Cheers Ace Debonair, with the background solid I can do the update a lot easier. I won't promise tomorrow though, a load of essays to work through but I'll try and get it up as soon as I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I think you need to have a rethink of the wording for "The Council of Three" sidebar, as the Captain of the Thirds seems like a purely arbitrary addition to make the title sound cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 I think you need to have a rethink of the wording for "The Council of Three" sidebar, as the Captain of the Thirds seems like a purely arbitrary addition to make the title sound cool. Rewording in which term? Taking out the 3rd Captain or trying to express the make up better? The whole idea of the Council of Three is that it is an advisory body to the Chapter Master made up of the Captains of each of the Redemption Fleets (1st and 2nd Captains, as each have full command of one of the two fleets, despite their troops being mixed between them) and the 3rd Captain who is considered in the Chapter as the most senior officer of the Battle and Reserve Companies. These are the guys who the other Marines in the Chapter aspire to be. I'll certainly have a look at it and see if I can change it to flesh out this idea more, thanks for painting it out Captain Juan Juarez. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 An unofficial council of sorts has arisen in the Knights of Sieraph. It is composed of the three most senior Captains in the Chapter, the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Captains. The 1st and 2nd Captains are considered equals in the Redemption Fleets, each one controls one Redemption Fleet, while the 3rd Captain is seen as more superior to the other Captains. This possibly stems from the fact that the 1st and 2nd Captains are removed from the rest of the Chapter's forces, and so the 3rd Captain is viewed as many other Chapters will view a 1st Captain. Together they form an unofficial council of equals under the Chapter Master, and are seen as some of the most heroic and powerful warriors in all of the Chapter. To me the phrasing, particularly what i have marked, seems a bit grating. "..more superior.." say it out loud and you might see what I mean. To be honest, it seems like the Third Captain doesn't really have a role he just 'makes up' for the absent First Captain. Maybe change the organisation slightly to something similar to the Pre-Heresy Emperors Children who had two Lord Commanders and then a First Captain. Obviously, you don't have to use those titles but it's an idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 An unofficial council of sorts has arisen in the Knights of Sieraph. It is composed of the three most senior Captains in the Chapter, the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Captains. The 1st and 2nd Captains are considered equals in the Redemption Fleets, each one controls one Redemption Fleet, while the 3rd Captain is seen as more superior to the other Captains. This possibly stems from the fact that the 1st and 2nd Captains are removed from the rest of the Chapter's forces, and so the 3rd Captain is viewed as many other Chapters will view a 1st Captain. Together they form an unofficial council of equals under the Chapter Master, and are seen as some of the most heroic and powerful warriors in all of the Chapter. To me the phrasing, particularly what i have marked, seems a bit grating. "..more superior.." say it out loud and you might see what I mean. To be honest, it seems like the Third Captain doesn't really have a role he just 'makes up' for the absent First Captain. Maybe change the organisation slightly to something similar to the Pre-Heresy Emperors Children who had two Lord Commanders and then a First Captain. Obviously, you don't have to use those titles but it's an idea. Yes I understand what you mean. The idea of the two Lord Commanders and First Captain is good. I will try to come up with different names though as the First Captain would still be the Third Captain etc so a different title to go with his Third Captain status (similar to Master of the Watch) would be ideal. The whole idea behind the Council of Three is to show that the first three Captains are considered equals, compared to most Chapters where the first Captain is seen as superior, and then the second Captain is more senior to third and so on. Of course I will look for another way to express this, perhaps with the names you suggested. In essence it's kind of like each of the Redemption Fleet Captains (Redemptia Captains?) can report to the Chapter Master on what their Fleet is doing while the Third Captain (Prima Captain or something?) reports to the Chapter Master on what the rest of the Chapter is up to, kind of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 _______________ _______________ First Captain Fill in the blanks... I'll give it some thought for the titles and see what I come up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 _______________ _______________ First Captain Fill in the blanks... I'll give it some thought for the titles and see what I come up with. The one thing I have against using this is the what do I name the Captain's after the First Captain? Do I name the Fourth Captain as the Second Captain and so on? Its rather against Codex Astartes and could get confusing. Or do you mean the Third Captain is still the Third Captain technically, but in the Chapter he holds the title First Captain despite being in charge of the 3rd Company, thus distinguishing himself from the others? Therefore the other Captains keep their usual titles of Fourth Captain, Fifth Captain and so on an so forth. If this is what you mean I would gladly accept this chain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 _______________ _______________ First Captain Fill in the blanks... I'll give it some thought for the titles and see what I come up with. The one thing I have against using this is the what do I name the Captain's after the First Captain? Do I name the Fourth Captain as the Second Captain and so on? Its rather against Codex Astartes and could get confusing. Or do you mean the Third Captain is still the Third Captain technically, but in the Chapter he holds the title First Captain despite being in charge of the 3rd Company, thus distinguishing himself from the others? Therefore the other Captains keep their usual titles of Fourth Captain, Fifth Captain and so on an so forth. If this is what you mean I would gladly accept this chain. It's a puzzle... But First Captain, Third Company, sounds fine in my head. So, for example, you you would Master of the Fleet Alpha and Bravo (for want of names), then the First Captain (because technically he is the first Captain, as the other two are Masters of the Fleet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) _______________ _______________ First Captain Fill in the blanks... I'll give it some thought for the titles and see what I come up with. The one thing I have against using this is the what do I name the Captain's after the First Captain? Do I name the Fourth Captain as the Second Captain and so on? Its rather against Codex Astartes and could get confusing. Or do you mean the Third Captain is still the Third Captain technically, but in the Chapter he holds the title First Captain despite being in charge of the 3rd Company, thus distinguishing himself from the others? Therefore the other Captains keep their usual titles of Fourth Captain, Fifth Captain and so on an so forth. If this is what you mean I would gladly accept this chain. It's a puzzle... But First Captain, Third Company, sounds fine in my head. So, for example, you you would Master of the Fleet Alpha and Bravo (for want of names), then the First Captain (because technically he is the first Captain, as the other two are Masters of the Fleet. So basically First Captain here will refer to him being the more senior Captain of the main Chapter (discounting the Redemption Fleets). Good idea, and I will change the titles when I can think of what to call the First and Second Company Captains. Master of the Fleets or Redemption sounds ok, but not really original as they are borrowing heavily from the names of the Fleets. I never was good at original names.... Thank you again for your advice and help Captain Juan Juarez, I hope you enjoy the finished article. Edited February 20, 2010 by DarkGuard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 If the Redmeption Fleet Commanders don't have to be of the same "rank", you could go for something like Magister Militum Primus (First Master of Soldiers) for the first and then Magister Militum Secundus (ditto but Second). Obviously, certainly not exact translations but adquate perhaps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 If the Redmeption Fleet Commanders don't have to be of the same "rank", you could go for something like Magister Militum Primus (First Master of Soldiers) for the first and then Magister Militum Secundus (ditto but Second). Obviously, certainly not exact translations but adquate perhaps. I would prefer both of them to be the same rank, but they don't have to be. I will consider changing the whole idea of them being the same rank, but I'd like to keep them equal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 If the Redmeption Fleet Commanders don't have to be of the same "rank", you could go for something like Magister Militum Primus (First Master of Soldiers) for the first and then Magister Militum Secundus (ditto but Second). Obviously, certainly not exact translations but adquate perhaps. I would prefer both of them to be the same rank, but they don't have to be. I will consider changing the whole idea of them being the same rank, but I'd like to keep them equal. Maybe just call each Magister Militum because each is still a commander - master - of soldiers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 If the Redmeption Fleet Commanders don't have to be of the same "rank", you could go for something like Magister Militum Primus (First Master of Soldiers) for the first and then Magister Militum Secundus (ditto but Second). Obviously, certainly not exact translations but adquate perhaps. I would prefer both of them to be the same rank, but they don't have to be. I will consider changing the whole idea of them being the same rank, but I'd like to keep them equal. Maybe just call each Magister Militum because each is still a commander - master - of soldiers! True, giving both of them the same title seems a good idea. The idea of master of soldiers though seems to suggest that they are in charge of their own armies, and Redemption Fleets work differently, infiltrating some units into position to call down the Terminators, but the names will do for now. Thank you for your help Captain Juan Juarez, I'll update that box now. Apart from the Council of Three, would you say that the rest of the fluff seems solid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 I haven't gone into indepth analysis, yet, of everything... But it seems ok after a skim read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 I haven't gone into indepth analysis, yet, of everything... But it seems ok after a skim read. Thats encouraging then at first, I look forward to the indepth analysis ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) I haven't gone into indepth analysis, yet, of everything... But it seems ok after a skim read. Thats encouraging then at first, I look forward to the indepth analysis :) They all say that, until I start getting really picky... ^_^ I would have done it this morning, but the heating is broken at work and I don't spend more than ten minutes at a time in the cold office at the moment! Edited February 21, 2010 by Captain Juan Juarez Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 That title thing is really starting to bug me; I can't think of a good one. Thinking along the lines of Strategos, Master Strategos or Stragos Prime of the Redemption Fleet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 That title thing is really starting to bug me; I can't think of a good one. Thinking along the lines of Strategos, Master Strategos or Stragos Prime of the Redemption Fleet. I can see what you mean, any idea on where I could find latin or greek equivalents of Redemption or Redemptor? Or maybe Brother Redemptor? I really don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 Redemptio = Redemption Thats IIRC, never did Latin at school but I have picked up bits and bobs; usually what sounds cool! Redemption-Master *Insert Name Here*? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 Redemptio = Redemption Thats IIRC, never did Latin at school but I have picked up bits and bobs; usually what sounds cool! Redemption-Master *Insert Name Here*? Yeah, thought Redemption might be something like that, thanks for finding out. Magister was master right? So Magister Redemptia ______? Or just Master of Redemption or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 Redemptio = Redemption Thats IIRC, never did Latin at school but I have picked up bits and bobs; usually what sounds cool! Redemption-Master *Insert Name Here*? Yeah, thought Redemption might be something like that, thanks for finding out. Magister was master right? So Magister Redemptia ______? Or just Master of Redemption or something? It depends on if you are going on with the Latin naming theme throughout! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkGuard Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 Redemptio = Redemption Thats IIRC, never did Latin at school but I have picked up bits and bobs; usually what sounds cool! Redemption-Master *Insert Name Here*? Yeah, thought Redemption might be something like that, thanks for finding out. Magister was master right? So Magister Redemptia ______? Or just Master of Redemption or something? It depends on if you are going on with the Latin naming theme throughout! Considering that the other Coucil Member is the First Captain, I think Master of Redemption or (my favourite) Redemptor is more appropiate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now