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Death Heads V5.0


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Donkey Kong

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Origins

S
anctioned and formed during the Ninth Founding from the gene stock of Roboute Gulliman and his Ultramarines, the Death Heads were charged with adding their strength to the unstable Segmentum Ultima. Based on the border between Segmentum Ultima and Segmentum Solar, the Chapter's Astartes have participated in conflicts throughout the segmentum against all manner of foes and bear countless trophies from their travels and victories.

The first Chapter Master of the Death Heads was the Silver Skull Agris Derii. A venerable Astartes and masterful tactician, he knew the fear the Emperor's Angels of Death invoked in the enemies of the Imperium and championed psychological warfare. Terror campaigns such as these required fine planning, and none were as patient nor as meticulous as Agris Derii. His mind was a machine and his work was a brilliant art.

To manifest the terror his Chapter would inspire, Derii ordered his brothers to print a human skull on the face plate of their helms. In the beginning, the Chapter wore this fearsome symbol as their heraldry, taking up the Kraken as the Chapter took on greater portions of its homeworld's culture. Since Derii's time, the mark has evolved, often becoming more bestial and alien in nature. Some mock the xeno enemies of the Emperor with oblong crowns and fanged jaws, while others imitate the more feral beasts that inhabit the Imperium. Many more continue to honor Derii's original image, and wear the human skull. The Death Heads drew their name from this mark upon their founding, and only full battle brothers are permitted to wear it.

The Taint
The Fall of Captain Strabo Thussaud was a terrible loss for the Death Heads, and is a black mark on the Chapter's legacy. En route to Klysium after completion of the Gehenna Campaign, Thussaud’s Strike Cruiser, Hermione voyaged into the Immaterium, and it was consumed. Damaged from years of war, Hermione gave way to the fierce tempest. Torn asunder from stem to stern, Thussaud’s Second was annihilated and remnants of his vessel were devoured by a massive hulk.

Since Thussaud's disappearance, the Chapter had dedicated a number of small forces to watch for Thussaud’s Second and reclaim its relics, Thussaud's Captain helm chief among them. For months, the hulk had phased between warp and real space, until it was finally claimed by green-skins. On the hulk, their numbers grew. As they expanded throughout the ruin, the Warboss stumbled upon Hermione's bridge, Thussuad's unintended grave. The Warboss and his kin robbed the corpses of their treasures, and the Warboss plucked Thussaud's helm from his limp head, crowning himself with the fearsome relic.

Homeworld

K
lysium lies on the border between Segmentum Solar and Segmentum Ultima. First annexed during the Great Crusade, it has never faltered in its loyalty. Unwavering and strong, Derii saw great promise in the Klysian people as future Astartes and claimed the world as the Chapter's own. They were strong and hardy, their society built up from ruins, their faith unwavering. A water world, the people are accustom to fending for themselves, even with the warrior castes.

In millennia past, Klysium was a mountainous world with great cities worked into the very mountains, canyons and plateaus that blanketed the world's surface. During the Horus Heresy, Klysium served as a bulwark against Horus and his invading forces, and as a host to one of the greatest battles not involving the Legiones Astartes. War lasted for months, both on the surface and in orbit around the world. In a final, desperate attempt to deny the world to the Warmaster, the Klysian loyalists targeted the world's ice caps, destroying them through orbital bombardments. Monumental tides from the broken poles washed over the world, submerging all but the highest cities, and drowning the hated traitors.

Since the flooding, Klysium's aquatic fauna has flourished, and the populace, restricted to island chains, has become dependent on the now vast oceans. Many myths have grown around the sea and the horrors beneath its depths. Whether a creation of the daemonic powers, or simple evolutionary adaptations, many monsters have become the stuff of legend, none more fearsome than the Kraken. The beast would be taken as the Chapter's own heraldry upon hearing Klysian lore, and none were more pleased to bring the world's terror to the enemies of the Emperor than Agris Derii.

The people of Klysium are close with the Astartes who frequent the planet's cities, collecting new recruits and conducting official business. Honored as the Emperor's chosen, the Astartes are not a terrible sight for the Klysian people, though they invoke the senses of awe that the superhuman have upon mortal men. They are seen as the world's guardians, and the defenders of humanity. Few Death Heads maintain contact with their families, for the Chapter is their brotherhood. Though, many sons of the warrior houses will return to the halls of their birth and honor the home they would have had, had fate not been so kind.

The Chapter's Fortress Monastery, The Solitary Abbey, is based on a submerged plateau in the world's vast ocean, penetrating deep into the ground and reaching beyond the clouds. Beneath the surface, the Death Heads constructed an enormous system of catacombs. Within this network, every recovered brother is placed to rest. The sarcophagi of the Chapter's Dreadnoughts lay beside their fallen comrades until the venerable brothers are called back into service. The Solitary Abbey is divided between common grounds and sections dedicated to each of the Chapter's companies, housing the companies' trophies and banners. The height of the island's holy constructs allows The Solitary Abbey to be identified hundreds of miles away.

Chapter Organization

U
nlike a majority of Gulliman's kin, the Death Heads deviate from the Codex in organizing their forces. Following the Klysian Warrior Houses, each of the companies operates as an independent force, organized as a standard codex Battle Company, with its own attached neophytes and veterans. The Death Heads First Company is organized according to the Codex Astartes, a collection of venerable warriors drawn from every company and learned in using the Chapter's Tactical Dreadnought Armor. The First rarely operates alone, instead distributing its forces throughout the other companies.

The Tainting
No less than two years following the beginning of the hunt, two squads from the Death Heads' First Company found the hulk. After identifying sections of Hermione in its metal hide, the hulk was titled Hermione's Ossuary, an honor to the lost cruiser. The venerable Astartes began their work. Clad in Terminator Armor, the Death Heads fought through the green-skin horde onto the decrepit bridge of Hermione. Upon seeing the warp weathered bodies of their fallen brothers, they began the grim task of searching for their Chapter's treasures. The helm was not amongst the.

Set on finding the relic, they tore through the Ossuary, carrying their battle brothers bodies on their backs and leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Sergeant Balthamo was first to spot the Ork Warboss, vile with the Chapter's most sacred treasure atop its unholy head. The Astartes descended upon the Orks, but their efforts were in vein, for with every xeno they slew, the Warboss fled farther and farther away, and gave time for more of the xeno’s ilk to enter the fray. Realizing their defeat, the Astartes retreated to their boarding craft.

The Death Heads mark their upper echelons with one of sixteen golden kraken Helms. The helms once marked the Heads of Warrior Houses, and so when they were given to the Astartes to mark the brotherhood between the world and the Astartes, the Death Heads took them with pride. Since then, they have been modified by the Chapter's Techmarines to meet the Astartes' demands. Within the Chapter, there is no greater honor than earning the right to don one of the helms. Should its wearer fall, the Chapter will go to extreme lengths to retrieve the relic, throwing all caution to the wind for the sake of honoring the Chapter's oaths to Klysium.

Lord Minuo is the title of the Chapter's Master of Recruits. A veteran selected by a council of Chaplains and Librarians, the Minuo is bound to Klysium, only returning to war after a century of service. The veteran will retain the title long after he has left the position and relinquished the powers that accompanied it. Venerable brothers both honor and detest the position, recognizing that the future of the chapter is in their hands, but also that they must face a life of isolation from the glorious battle the Astartes were created for. It is the duty of the Minuo to train recruits until they are fit to join the Battle Companies. Contrary to the Codex Astartes, the Death Heads have modified the method of advancement. Initiates begin fighting in the Assault Squads before progressing onto the Devastator and then Tactical Squads. The Death Heads are foremost warriors, and no Klysian warrior is proven until they have killed with their hands.

Librarians command great respect amongst the Death Heads. In accordance with the traditions of their mentor Chapter, the Silver Skulls, they are consulted by commanders before each battle. Speaking with the voice of the Emperor, few decisions are made without their approval. Librarians are responsible for telling the tales of fallen heroes to their brother Astartes and recording new legacies for future generations. No information is more sacred to the Chapter than its own history, and so the Librarians bear the burden of the Chapter's pride. While the Librarians' color of office has led them to be deemed unlucky by a number Death Heads due to the Klysian superstitions, many more respect the Librarians for their fortitude. Few Librarians fear this claim, seeing it as their duty to draw misfortune away from their brothers, vulnerable to the touch of the Warp.





Combat Doctrine

F
or the Death Heads, there is no greater weapon than the fear they invoke in the hearts and minds of all the Emperor's foes. From the Astartes that storm the enemy's walls to their hidden brothers, all are tools to be used to attack and destroy the enemy, in both body and mind. They are coordinated with masterful precision, and a single purpose. Following in the footsteps of Agris Derii, the Chapter's Captains continue meticulously planning their invasions, for when inspiring terror, one must be relentless.

Before dedicating larger forces to worlds, smaller squads of neophytes led by volunteer veterans will lead forward campaigns, devastating the enemy's leadership and morale through a series of assassinations and sabotage operations. Since these forward units only number several Astartes, captains will often prepare multiple worlds before conducting a series of invasions. Following the saboteurs, the Death Heads launch their assault. The first strike rarely contains a single Astartes warrior, instead ravaging the enemy with Deathstorm Drop Pods. Immediately following the metallic beasts, the Chapter's newly inducted assault marines and veterans carve into the enemy, paving the road for armored vehicles and their brother Astartes.

The Death Heads will forgo forward offensives and immediately begin their assaults in dire situations, or begin shorter operations while a campaign is in progress. Their preferred methods of warfare have not hindered the Chapter's abilities, matching the ferocity of the Emperor's most zealous servants. Death Heads make extensive use of camouflage, and battle brothers rarely go into combat without the support of stealth squads. No Death Head, no matter how proud of their colors, can deny the power an invisible ally controls over the battlefield.

The Chapter's Astartes are often headstrong, stubborn and volatile, courageous in the face of any foe. These traits have allowed the Death Heads to prevail against impossible odds. Relentless in assault and unyielding in defense, for the Astartes to retreat is to show weakness and dishonor the Chapter. In battle, the Death Heads fight in accordance with the Codex Astartes, their adherence matching their gene fathers, the Ultramarines. Drilled from childhood, the Death Heads fight with finesse and precision. The Astartes were bred for battle, none will rest until their task is complete or their duty ends in their death.

The Tainted
Disheartened and broken, Sergeants Balthamo and Pantilimon presented their findings to the Chapter Master and Captains on Klysium. Astos Narrik, Champion of the First Company, was outraged by his brothers' failure. He accused the fallen Thussaud of failing to protect the most valuable of the Chapter's relics, and longed to reclaim the helm. The Chapter honored the fallen Company, and began the formation of another to replace the Second. Captains debated who would lead this force, proposing dozens of veterans of the First Company, the Chapter's finest.

None were as driven, nor as dogmatic and eager to please, as Astos Narrik. Narrik was tasked with hunting down the Ork Warboss, slaying him and reclaiming stolen relics. Placed in command of the Second Company, he quickly denounced the name, taking up the title of the Eleventh to escape the shame Thussaud brought upon the Chapter. In place of the Captain title bestowed to the leaders of Companies, Narrik was named Commander, promised only the full honors of his position when his task was done. Infuriated by this slight on his honor, Narrik swore to reclaim the helm, and set off in search of Hermione's Ossuary.

Chapter Cult

A
n assortment of traditions have been absorbed by the Death Heads, predominantly from their parent Chapter, the Silver Skulls, and their home world, Klysium. The Death Heads honor the marks and traditions of Klysian warriors in their own ranks, going so far as to follow their superstitions. Colors play a great role in Klysian lore. Blue is believed to be unlucky and, to the Death Heads, a beacon in the warp. Red is believed to be lucky, and marines will often paint red war markings, jags and spirals, on their armor. The Chapter's green is the color of hope, to remind all of humanity that they are defended by the finest warriors, the Emperor's chosen.

Death Heads have a habit of collecting various trinkets from fallen enemies. This tradition was adopted from the Klysian Warrior Houses to show all manner of foes killed by the warrior. In addition, many battle brothers take trophies as gifts for the Emperor. In following the Klysian warriors' traditions, weapons, charms, bones, teeth and all manner of things are taken from defeated enemies. When marines first return to their vessel, more interesting and valuable treasures are given to the Chaplains who then take them to the Apothecaries, Librarians and Techmarines. In turn, they take the most useful artifacts to study. Those treasures found useless and free from taint are returned to the battle brothers.

The Chapter's Honor Duels are ritualistic competitions of strength and ability. Observed by Chaplains, these fights are for more valuable treasures taken from the world. adjudicated by a Chaplain, two of the Chapter's Astartes fight, clad in their robes, until blood is drawn. Any Astartes may challenge another, regardless of rank or experience, providing both parties are interested in owning the prize at hand. It is not uncommon for venerable marines to amass enormous hordes. Many chapters have called the Death Heads' treasures worthless, some going so far as to accuse them of being heretical. However, these accusations have never endangered the Chapter's relationship with the Imperium, nor have they prevented this ancient custom from continuing.

Death Heads are always eager to tell their sagas to their younger brothers. Neophytes are often entertained and mesmerized by their more venerable brothers' tales, encompassing travels and victories on countless worlds. Many of the Chapter's veterans link their more renowned or important victories with treasures they've taken from their campaigns, often using these trinkets in their retelling of the story. Librarians tell the chronicles of the Chapter's fallen heroes during sermons to inspire the Astartes to even greater feats. All of these tales are recorded within the Chapter's Librarium on their home world, most written by the Astartes themselves.

The Death Heads honor the Emperor above all else, not as a god, but as the greatest man to ever live. To deny him is worthy of death, and to turn from his light is unforgivable. The Death Heads possess a terrible hatred for the traitors of the Imperium. Klysium still bears the scars from the Horus Heresy, and the Chapter is quick to accuse all traitors for this slight on their honor. Their hatred has resulted in multiple Companies rushing to fight against traitorous uprisings, regardless of their cause for rebellion. The Chapter's malevolence is reflected on the battlefield, the Death Heads are never more vicious than in the face of traitorous Astartes, often charging forward to face them in combat.


Gene-seed

L
ike a full two thirds of existing Chapters, the Death Heads are descend from Roboute Gulliman and his Ultramarines. The Chapter is proud of its heritage, and its purity. Death Heads have retained, and possess full use, of all of their implants. Apothecaries work tirelessly to ensure the Chapter's gene-seed is never corrupt, removing genes from the stock at the slightest hint of mutation. This compulsion has left the Death Heads far from full strength on a number of occasions. The Death Heads ensure that their gene-seed tithe to Mars is always paid on time, for the Death Heads the tithe is a bond between the Chapter and the greater Imperium. Klysian recruits who fail the strenuous trials of body and mind after beginning the implantation process become serfs, so they may continue to serve the Emperor and the Chapter.


Battle-cry

K
lysian warriors have marched to war under the banners and songs of ancient people long before they were annexed into the Imperium, and continue the tradition through their warrior houses and the Astartes that call their world home. Every Astartes, every man, woman and child knows the songs of old. Before entering battle, each Death Head takes an oath to never lose sight of their duty, to watch human kind conquer the galaxy, and stand by their side to guide them through the darkness. In combat the oath is a challenge to the enemies of man. To let the enemy know that what they face is relentless, to let them know that their purpose is unyielding, to let them know they face the Emperor's will made manifest and their doom, Death Heads proclaim, “We shall never die!”

Edited by KingHongKong, 25 May 2010 - 02:00 AM.


#2
Donkey Kong

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Chapter Master
Agris Derii --> . . . --> Outis Nemo --> Lucil Tobulo (Current)

First Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Lucil Tobulo --> [...] (Current)

Second/ Eleventh Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Strabo Thussaud --> Astos Narrik (Current)

Third Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Tomaj Barbari --> Chevo Quorra (Current)

Fourth Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Roca Filo (Current)

Fifth Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Jamil Pazu (Current)

Sixth Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Ragetti Decurio (Current)

Seventh Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Tolio Cassnei (Current)

Eighth Captain
[...] --> . . . --> LiJon Ocypete (Current)

Ninth Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Hektor Tucio (Current)

Tenth Captain
[...] --> . . . --> Sullivan Merci (Current)

Edited by KingHongKong, 02 March 2010 - 12:50 AM.


#3
Captain Juan Juarez

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I think its a good starting point, and this is nothing against you because I'm struggling with my own IA, but this could perhaps be fleshed uot a bit more?
If the Homeworld is a water world, why was it once covered in mountains and isn't anymore?

Also I would rethink the Chapter Symbol. If you are no longer going to use the Kraken name then a Kraken symbol seems out of place? Admittedly a skull, or even a grinning skull, could be a tad cliche!
" They made you to be untouched by God or mortal. As I cannot kill you, so I curse you, not with death but with life.

I curse you - with the pain of ten thousand days in the Dark Place, with the life's blood of a mage's sacrifice, with Death's authority held in my hands.

I curse you, and I strike your name from history, stripped of arrogance and pride, empty of the self you once knew, gutted of all you are. I take your name and all you have won by the strength of your hand. I curse you for eternity, to find only darkness where once you knew your own face.

And I dub you the Ragged Man."

#4
Donkey Kong

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Sections have been added.

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Ace Debonair

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Nice. :blush:

That's pretty darn good, but I think you left out the bits that say how the marines take treasures from defeated foes.
Unless that's going in combat doctrine or been taken out altogether, in which case I'll be quiet. ;)

#6
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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This looks really good KHK.

However, centuries of watching Librarians corrupted by the warp and the forces the led destroyed have changed their image in the eyes of the Chapter.


How many Librarians have they really seen corrupted? Librarians are a minority among space marine chapters and there are few enough traitors from loyalist chapters -that haven't sold themselves completely and totally that is- and Librarians seem to be in even lesser proportions there than anywhere. Also aren't Librarians watched much more closely for signs of corruption? How many slip through the cracks really?

Chapter Apothecaries make very little effort to maintain the geneseed to a serious degree, withdrawing only the most mutated and corrupt from the gene stock and allowing lesser mutations to pass on.


Why do they do this? It needs to be explained in greater detail in this section, because at the moment it doesn't make much sense to be honest. They just let corrupted geneseed of even the smallest degree go into use? Isn't that a bit risky?

The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#7
Donkey Kong

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More edits. Combat Doctrine still escapes me though.

That's pretty darn good, but I think you left out the bits that say how the marines take treasures from defeated foes.
Unless that's going in combat doctrine or been taken out altogether, in which case I'll be quiet.


It's been added, be quiet :) .

How many Librarians have they really seen corrupted? Librarians are a minority among space marine chapters and there are few enough traitors from loyalist chapters -that haven't sold themselves completely and totally that is- and Librarians seem to be in even lesser proportions there than anywhere. Also aren't Librarians watched much more closely for signs of corruption? How many slip through the cracks really?


I thought it was said that the Librarians went from the most honored to becoming watched. Maybe I need to put more emphasis on the transition part.

Why do they do this? It needs to be explained in greater detail in this section, because at the moment it doesn't make much sense to be honest. They just let corrupted geneseed of even the smallest degree go into use? Isn't that a bit risky?


You forget the bigger plot hole, GHY. If they hate the corrupt, why would they allow the geneseed to be corrupt?
For now that part is erased, I'll fix it so that they work to keep the geneseed pure.

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Ace Debonair

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More edits. Combat Doctrine still escapes me though.

That's pretty darn good, but I think you left out the bits that say how the marines take treasures from defeated foes.
Unless that's going in combat doctrine or been taken out altogether, in which case I'll be quiet.


It's been added, be quiet ;) .


OK, I'll be quiet. :P

...


...


That'll do. I can only be quiet for so long. :P
Would I be right in assuming the Combat doctrine section will be where you mention how the Death Heads arm their scouts with chainswords and throw them in the face of the opposition?
I can't bring any of their other tactics to mind, barring the "win at any cost" discipline you gave them.

#9
Donkey Kong

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Indeed AD ;) .

The IA is, I guess the word would be, 'full'. If anyone is willing to give it a read, I'd love to year your comments.

Edited by KingHongKong, 27 August 2009 - 02:07 PM.


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Captain Juan Juarez

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Not using Scouts doesnt make sense.. To me at least.

Now unless I have read this wrong, then the those Neophytes who would be Scouts fight in Power Armour?
I believe this to be impossible, because of certain implants that Scouts do not recieve straight away such as the Black Carapace?

I admit I could be wrong.
" They made you to be untouched by God or mortal. As I cannot kill you, so I curse you, not with death but with life.

I curse you - with the pain of ten thousand days in the Dark Place, with the life's blood of a mage's sacrifice, with Death's authority held in my hands.

I curse you, and I strike your name from history, stripped of arrogance and pride, empty of the self you once knew, gutted of all you are. I take your name and all you have won by the strength of your hand. I curse you for eternity, to find only darkness where once you knew your own face.

And I dub you the Ragged Man."

#11
Donkey Kong

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No, you're right, power armor cannot be worn until the neophyte has developed a black carapace. Hence, the Chapter Organization where the neophyte is trained until the black carapace has developed.

#12
Imperialis_Dominatus

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If the Chapter doesn't use Scouts at all, how does it accomplish recon?

A couple of word choice criticisms beyond that, really.

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Perhaps using scouts in the traditional recon role could still be done, but for big combat engagements the Death Heads could attack as written. Instead of having all scouts in the melee, you could have most scouts in the melee, and a few set aside for recon.

Ignore my ramblings at your leisure. :evil:

#14
Captain Juan Juarez

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No, you're right, power armor cannot be worn until the neophyte has developed a black carapace. Hence, the Chapter Organization where the neophyte is trained until the black carapace has developed.


Ah.. Apologies.. I missed tha first time through!
" They made you to be untouched by God or mortal. As I cannot kill you, so I curse you, not with death but with life.

I curse you - with the pain of ten thousand days in the Dark Place, with the life's blood of a mage's sacrifice, with Death's authority held in my hands.

I curse you, and I strike your name from history, stripped of arrogance and pride, empty of the self you once knew, gutted of all you are. I take your name and all you have won by the strength of your hand. I curse you for eternity, to find only darkness where once you knew your own face.

And I dub you the Ragged Man."

#15
Donkey Kong

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A couple of word choice criticisms beyond that, really.

Care to point out the grammar errors or where it doesn't read well?

I listen to the opposition, and I guess I have to agree. Neophytes are now going to be scouts, mostly because no veteran would be caught dead not looking like a walking mural, except the scout sergeant.
I just have to reedit the second paragraph of Chapter Organization.

Keep the comments coming. And hopefully, I'll have a version of Narrick and Thussaud up soon.

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You describe them as barbarous in assault, but the only thing that strikes me as barbarous is the trinket-taking.

Apothecaries regarding the retrieval of geneseed as 'merely an additional task.' Not sure what that means, and if it means they trivialize that duty the future of their Chapter is in danger unless they remove one right when it matures, outside of battle.

You describe your Chaplains as watchdogs and overzealous. The first term, while applicable, seems a bit colloquial. The second isn't one any Chaplain would really consider himself.

The Chaplains watch over the duels to make sure Marines aren't killed carelessly. I don't think that's the best word. Needlessly?

You describe the heraldry of the Chaplains as mocking skulls. I don't think mocking is the word you want.

Edited by Imperialis_Dominatus, 25 August 2009 - 02:40 PM.

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All excellent points, all, hopefully, edited. Thank you.

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It's a bit of a read, but here goes the Chapter's Corrupt (as they are currently named, hey, the Dark Angels have a nifty name for their Fallen :tu: )

Strabo Thussaud once numbered amongst the most respected warriors in the Death Heads ranks. Thussaud had served as the Captain of Second Company for over two centuries before his fall. Following the end of the Gehenna Campaign, the Second entered the Warp, destined for Klysium. Disaster struck mid transit when sections of the ships Gellar field began to flicker and fail. Uncountable daemons and Warp abominations flooded into the vessel. The sudden blast when the field fell killed the cruiser's navigator, leaving the ship drifting and in disarray.

Battle brothers and crewmen quickly organized a defense, pushing back the hordes to the outer decks and destroying them. Meanwhile, the Company Techmarine worked frantically to repair the field generator. For all his efforts, the work was in vain, for the fields continued to flicker in varying patterns. With the navigator dead, the present Librarian was left to guide the vessel through the Warp.

For two years, the Death Heads fought against the ruinous powers under Thussaud. Though they killed and died with all the fervor they could muster, time and the Warp was not kind. The battle brothers began to show clear signs of mutation, arms and hands transforming, heads extending, and flesh being fused to armor. Many took to amputating limbs, lest the Warp take more of them, while others embraced their new tools, and used them to fight back against the spawn.

Even Thussaud was taken by mutation, both his legs and left arm, tainted by the Warp, all removed by his own hand. Those that cut off their limbs were fixed with bionics by the Apothecary, much to his distaste, for the cuts inflicted by the marines were crude and needed cleaning before anything else could be done.

Upon reemerging in real space, Second appeared before Klysium, relieved to have escaped the Warp, and horrified to see their brothers' reactions, they waited. Fourth Company had taken watch on the world, and was first to see the vessel lost for two, long years. Under the command of Captain Howl, an old friend of Thussaud, a team of veterans boarded the Strike Cruiser. Passing through the ship's halls, the signs of battle were clear in corpses and battered bulkheads.

Howl reached the bridge quickly and without incident. Though, the sight of Thussaud, clad in power armor and surrounded by mutants brought a shiver down his spine. The two astartes advanced on one another with extended hands, and clasped on another's wrists, like brothers. Telling his tale, Thussaud begged Howl for another ship, to take him and his Company into the Ork Empires, and to die a warrior's death.

Reluctantly, Howl agreed, giving Thussaud a recently repaired Strike Cruiser. Though this would not be the last of Howl's contributions. Many of the Fourth's marines had close ties to Second and volunteered to join them, bolstering Second's strength. Many amongst the Fourth Company opposed this, though Howl did nothing to stop them.

When news of Second's reappearance, and his escape reached the Chapter Master, Howl was tried as a traitor. In this trial, Howl left, innocent of his crime, but an enemy to Chapter Master. An order was made to create a new Company to replace Second. This Company was to be headed by the brash Astos Narrick, a champion of the First Company. Narrick was bestowed with the title Commander, for he lacked the krake helm that marked the Chapter's Captains.

Narrick demanded to know how he could join the ranks of the Captains, to which the answer was: kill Thussaud, take it from him. Astos took this as a challenge, vowing to slay Thussaud for the Chapter and his honor. Not wanting to be associated with Thussaud, Narrick renounced the title of his Company as the Second and took up the mantle of the Eleventh. An arrow aimed for Thussaud's heart, Narrick pursues him, vowing to reclaim the Chapter relic.

#19
Donkey Kong

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With the near entirety of the IA finished (my god, did I just say that :D ! Impossible!), I think I can move on to fleshing out the fleet, the Companies, and maybe even the Gehenna Campaign.

The only named Battle Barge is the Nausicaa. The Chapter has a trio of Battle Barges, a Strike Cruiser for every Company (maybe seven or so), and a contingent of multiple lesser vessels.
EDIT: Would Cassandra, Hermione or Pandora be a good name of a Strike Cruiser?
Rutilus Moon sounds clever, but it might get laughed at for the second meaning :P .

Set names still stand:

Chapter Master Outis Nemo
First Company Captain Lucil Tobulo
Second Company Captain Strabo Thussaud
Fourth Company Captain Filo Howl
Eleventh Company Commander Astos Narrick

Veteran Sergeant Rahl Lusca (debating on Company)
Minuo Davik Scelero

Clearly a few Captain still need names. As do ships, I'm open to suggestions. Strangely, for all I harp on about Chaplains, I don't have any named, so that would also be an excellent contribution.

I don't know how I want to characterize Tobulo.

Thussaud, I don't know how to label Thussaud either. A warrior maybe, but what Astartes isn't?

Howl strikes me as a more compassionate marine. Caring about his battle brothers to the extreme of risking being branded a traitor for it.

Narrick is more selfish, brash, irrational. Very childish, he takes everything as a personal insult, though he rarely see who the one insulting him is. He listens to his superiors in hopes of advancing the ranks, not knowing that when he gets to the point where he's the one pointing everyone everywhere that he will no longer have anyone pointing him anywhere, so he'll be lost.

For the Gehenna Campaign, I imagine an Imperial Force consisting of several Death Head Companies and maybe another Space Marine Chapter, a force of Sisters of Battle and Imperial Guard will fight against an Ork Waaagh that's stirring up, as well as Chaos Space Marines taking advantage of the disorder caused by the Orks and even a group of corrupt Orks.

Edited by KingHongKong, 27 August 2009 - 04:50 AM.


#20
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Edits have been made in the first post, please comment.
Also, suggestions are still open for the above post,
thanks,
KHK

#21
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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under an circumstances


any

Neophytes are trained on Klysium until they're deemed both physically and mentally fit by the present apothecary and their mentor, the Minuo. Upon first joining the Battle Companies, neophytes operate as scouts under the command of a veteran sergeant.


When they are deemed worthy by their sergeant they enter their Company as a full battle brother.


The Chapter's apothecaries fight beside their battle brothers, with equal ferocity and zeal.


Fairly redundant. This is normal procedure.

Chaplains are the Chapter's watchdogs. They are selected from the most loyal marines, and are overzealous in accomplishing their tasks.


It was the very first chaplains duties among the original legions to be watchdogs for signs of corruption and it is their duty still. They are both minister and inquisitor within the chapter and naming them such is again, largely redundant.

If they are selected from the most loyal marines, does that by definition mean that some of the marines are not loyal among the candidate pool?

I also don't think Overzealous is a good word to use. While the Chaplains are no doubt overzealous and the most fanatical of the fanatical when talking of Astartes, it doesn't translate well when describing their character. "They approach their duties with a fierce zeal... " or something similar may work better. The point is, I'd try to re-word it.


It is the Chaplains' responsibility to observe their Company during warp travel


I don't want to say redundant, but it is the chaplains duties to watch over their brothers at all times, whether in the warp or not. However I would expect all chaplains of all chapters to be especially watchful during warp travel.

as well as aiding in recording the Chapter's history and judging the relics reclaimed from the battlefield.


Why do the chaplains record the history and not the Librarians whose duty it is to care to the Librarium itself, the chapters vault of knowledge?

The Chaplains take all that is determined useless or unnecessary by the Company Techmarine and allows the battle brothers to have honor duels to determine who will claim them.


Now the trinket collecting is great and something I like, but it is not explained. Why in the world would space-marines collect anything from any battlefield that wasn't a holy relic or to recover chapter equipment?

They also hold the responsibility of watching over the Librarians and ensuring their purity and executing any who fall under the sway of the ruinous powers.


They watch over all of their brothers, the Librarians vulnerability to the predations of the warp only makes them a subject to be watched more closely than the others.

However, centuries of watching Librarians corrupted by the warp and the forces the led destroyed have changed their image in the eyes of the Chapter.


I thought it was said that the Librarians went from the most honored to becoming watched. Maybe I need to put more emphasis on the transition part.


It's not the fact that it's never happened or that they are closely watched for the possibility, it's that you state categorically that they have spent centuries of watching Librarians being corrupted. Just how many Librarians have they seen corrupted? I can only name a few loyalist astartes Librarians that have turned to Chaos on one hand, and most of those are from the Original Traitor Legions. The fact is to earn a place being distrusted among even your own brothers there needs to be a significant reason, whether it's compounded information of multiple corrupted Librarians or otherwise.

Once their vulnerability had been revealed, Librarians were forbidden to lead any force by themselves, and are constantly watched by an accompanying Chaplain. While mistrusted, the Librarians are still honored amongst the Death Heads for their abilities and wisdom.


Firstly, what weakness? Their weakness is the same as their strength, their connection to the Warp. Astartes would know that of a psyker before even finishing their training so I don't see how it could be suddenly discovered.

Secondly, you've created a bit of a contradiction. If you don't trust the person your talking to how can you consider them wise? How can you possibly honour them if you don't trust them?

Techmarines, like those of other Chapters, are selected from the most tech savvy recruits and sent to Mars to undergo training in the ways of the Machine God. While their faith in the Emperor is changed, their office commands great respect, as they maintain the zeal of their battle brothers. Techmarines are given the sole responsibility of maintaining and refurbishing vehicles of their Company's armory and the power armor of the deceased.


Utterly, totally unneeded. You seem, in a few places, simply be filling out paragraphs with the same stuff from the codex.

A conglomerate of traditions have been absorbed by the Chapter, predominantly from their parent Chapter the Silver Skulls and their home world Klysium, and have been made into the Chapter's own.


Conglomerate doesn't work, really. It implies the wrong things. Try something else like amalgamation or even a combination.

Chapter marines all have a habit of collecting various trinkets off of fallen enemies. Weapons, charms, bones and teeth are all taken. When marines first return to their battle barge, these treasures are given to the Chaplains who then take them to the Techmarines.


Again this is mentioned but not in the least explained. Where did the custom come from? Why was it taken up in an organization which really doesn't lend itself to such pursuits?

Admittedly, a majority of these treasures are trinkets most Chapters would deem worthless, or even heretical.


Amdittedly? Who is admitting this? The IA writer is non-existent, really.

Heretical? Ware for the ground ye tread!

lest the mutation they disdain stain the Chapter.


Disdain to stain, I'd use despise. Your not doubling up on similar phonetics.

--------------------------------------------------------------

With the near entirety of the IA finished


Ah well, nothing is ever complete, really. There is always something new to take into account and something to revise with hindsight.

The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#22
Donkey Kong

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GHY, thank you for giving me the most useful criticism I've received on this board :lol: . I made all the edits you suggested, in addition, I've taken away the mistrust of psykers, mostly because it had no real place.

#23
Dazzo

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What colours do they wear and would you like me to knock up an image for you?
Hope is the denial of reality-Raistlin

The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity-Legend

Damn right-Dazzo

My colour scheme blog

#24
Donkey Kong

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That'd be amazing :D Thanks a ton for the offer :

http://www.bolterand...amp;spr2=533B1C

That's the color scheme, sorry, I don't know how to get the image up with the code, the [img] surrounding doesn't work.

#25
Dazzo

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Posted Image
Hows that look, any good?
Hope is the denial of reality-Raistlin

The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity-Legend

Damn right-Dazzo

My colour scheme blog




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