Donkey Kong Posted August 29, 2009 Author Share Posted August 29, 2009 Yeah, it does, thanks :D ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Onto fleshing out the Companies -_- ! I never though I'd get this far. There are only a few Captains named so far, so I'm still open to suggestions. Chapter Master Outis Nemo: A calm and collected commander, taking time to rule over Klysium and leaving politicians alongside present Astartes (such as the Minuo) in is absence. As the name suggests, he's more of a figure head and organizer keeping everything intact rather than the all out best warrior (doesn't make him a pushover, though) First Company Captain Lucil Tobulo: The stereotypical Death Head, stubborn and faithful, though calm and collected. Second Company Captain Strabo Thussaud: As a more senior Captain, I don't know how I want to classify Thussaud. I'd say he was brash, but it doesn't make the most sense. Fourth Company Captain Filo Howl: A more compassionate Captain, Howl thinks of his brothers as dear to him, even if consequences may threaten his status or even question his loyalties. Eleventh Company Commander Astos Narrick: Narrick, as has been said, is the one of the most proud, if not the single proudest Astartes in the Chapter. He's childish, hot headed, stubborn and quick to please his superiors. Narrick was selected to lead the hunt after Thussaud simply because everyone else knew that only Narrick would be short sighted enough to chase after him simply for a title, even though he doesn't really know it. Still leaves seven names open for suggestion. I'm also open to more personalities, and even ideas on the personalities on existing named characters. Thanks, KHK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Hunter Ydalir Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 (edited) The IA looks good KHK. I'd put a in to stop the sidebar overlapping the sub-header though as it looks fairly messy. I'm not a big fan of the naming of exact companies or their commanders. Individual characters must have done something fairly epic to be detailed in what is for all intents and purposes a brief summary of the chapter, having anyone who is a stereotype of the chapter really does not warrant any sort of special mention at all. It usually means there is something missing from other areas if you have the space to put such a list in. That said, I'll leave off until I see more. Edited August 31, 2009 by Grey Hunter Ydalir Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 The only part of this that might find its way into the actual IA is the Second and Eleventh Companies as separate side bars. Unfortunately, I honestly don't know how to shorten the Second Company's fall, or if I add it on after the Chapter Cult, I'd have to think up some creative name, probably something like the Tainted. Hopefully I'll make progress on that soon. Thanks for the input GHY, always a big help :P ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 The Tainted section has been added. I don't know if it adds to or subtracts from the overall IA, so if someone could read that, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks, KHK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrus Manus Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Personally, I'd put it after the origins section. It kind of brakes the flow of the article where it is at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Hunter Ydalir Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 You should move the pic of your marine up into the homeworld section and move the minuo sidebar up one paragraph, it will make everything seem less squiged in the middle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 (edited) Quick edit for you: leading the Chapter to fell the same about their Librarians and other Chapters with similar heraldry This tradition was adopted from the Emperor's foes, as a was to fear the Death Heads and know their own fate atop a banner on nailed to a chain. Should be "feel" not "fell." That is in the Chapter Cult section. Also, that second sentence needs some re-wording. I like it btw. Maybe Librarians using trophies and bones like shamans? Edited September 1, 2009 by RagingGriffon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 Suggested edits have been made. Though, I prefer the Minuo in the organization where he belongs. Also, I'd expect the Librarians to use the Emperor's tarot rather than bones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 (edited) I was going to include a "War Song" in the Chapter Cult based on "Hoist the Colours High" seen here: Maybe even having a Marine take the role of War Singer ;) (*various objects are thrown at KingHongKong*) Lyrics for the song: The king and his men stole the queen from her bed and bound her in her Bones. The seas be ours and by the powers where we will we'll roam. Yo, ho, haul together, hoist the colors high. Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die. Some men have died and some are alive and others sail on the sea Edited September 2, 2009 by KingHongKong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Hunter Ydalir Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 (edited) Though, I prefer the Minuo in the organization where he belongs. I wasn't suggesting it be moved out of organization, I meant the code should be moved up one paragraph inside the subsection so it isn't creating an unseemly gap between the ending paragraph and the next sub-header. On the song, I'm fairly torn. I love the song and even have it on my computer as something to listen to for inspiration. However, quoting the song verbatim for use in a DIY doesn't feel like the best course of action to be honest. It's like using real-world names and places in common use, they break the suspension of disbelief. I do wonder however if it could just be me since I know the song very well, others may not. In this case, I don't think my opinion is the best. Edited September 2, 2009 by Grey Hunter Ydalir Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm not feeling the song and the organ on the LR. It doesn't seem to fit in your barbaric theme. I could see that in a Templar's army, but not yours. Also, I was just saying your Librarian's using bones to represent the Emperor's Tarot. Personally, I think of the Emperor's Tarot as a "guideline." For example, I think the Space Wolve's use rune stones, I would think the Blood Angels use some sort of blood rite, and the Dark Angels dress up in kinky S&M leather. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm probably going to keep both out of the IA. Can someone give it a final read through? I've done so several times and corrected what I caught, so before I hand it over to the Librarium I'd like a (final) second opinion. Thanks, KHK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Thussaud and his Company were corrupt by the powers of the warp In "The Tainted" section: it should be corrupted to match the past tense of of "were." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 I've added them to the Librarium, so hopefully they'll be up soon :) . New Space Marine Art is compliments of Dazzo and I've very grateful for his contribution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 (edited) I was hoping to expand a bit more of the Chapter, unfortunately having the goal of living up to other DIYs here has left me scrambling. The Gehenna Campaign still needs detailing. As do the Captains, the Companies, the Chapter's history and the Fleet. I tried before with the Captains, and I think I'll give it another shot. First Company Captain Lucil Tobulo: Lucil is an embodiment of the steadfast and defiant nature of the Death Heads Astartes. Bordering on five hundred years of age, Tobulo remains the Chapter's single best warrior. A veteran of countless campaigns, Tobulo has lead his Chapter against all manner of foes to the Imperium. A native born to Klysium, he follows many of the classical Klysian beliefs. Second Company Captain Strabo Thussaud: Captain Thussaud is a warrior though and through. A native Klysian, Thussaud follows his homeworld's traditions, though has less suspicion surrounding Librarians. Thussaud possesses multiple bionics, all replacing mutated limbs corrupted by time in the warp. A labeled traitor, Thussaud still follows the light of the Emperor. He leads his tainted company and their allies among the Fourth on a death crusade against the massive Ork empires lining the Maelstrom. Ex Fourth Company Captain Filo Howl: A compassionate Astartes, Howl has long been criticized for his nature. Howl sees his role as a warrior as well as a protector. A natural born Klysian, Howl differs greatly from his kin. He also refuses to follow Klysian superstition, seeing it as poor logic and a distraction from duties to the Emperor and the Imperium. A master tactician, more than a century younger than Captain Tobulo, Filo boasts a near equal number of victories. Since his association with the labeled traitor Thussaud, Howl has been given the same title and stripped of his powers within the Chapter. Filo is now a prisoner of the Chapter, awaiting execution. Eleventh Company Captain Astos Narrick: First Company's champion and the second best warrior in the Chapter, Narrick is infamous for his sharp tongue and even sharper prowess. Selected to lead a replacement Second Company, Narrick has since named the Eleventh Company, Narrick was pointed as a perfect executioner for the heretic Thussaud. Never given a true leadership role due to his headstrong and egotistical nature, Narrick's pride was used to prod him into hunting Thussaud. Now leader of his own Company and a contingent of the Fourth eager to redeem their lost pride, Narrick chases Thussaud through the Ork empires. I intend to have one Captain born possibly on an Ork held world, though I don't know how to expand on him, or even what to name him. There are still multiple Captains open and I'm eager to accept suggestions. Thanks for any input, KHK EDIT: Oh, man, I forgot to ask: How long does it usually take for something to be entered into the Librarium and published? Not to rush anyone, just curious. Plus I'm really excited to see these guys there. Edited September 14, 2009 by KingHongKong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund Himself Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Oh, man, I forgot to ask: How long does it usually take for something to be entered into the Librarium and published? Not to rush anyone, just curious. Plus I'm really excited to see these guys there. It depends on the workload and availability of the Librarium Staff really. Most of the Staff at the moment are somewhat involved with RL, so right now the time taken to get back to posters is longer than we would like. This is especially true of IA that are almost or are good enough to get into the Librarium, as reading through them or critiquing them takes a lot of time and energy. Anyhow, if none of the Lexii beat me to it, I'll try to take a look at these guys sometime later this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip S Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I love the chapter symbol - it reminds me of Cthulhu! Or mind flayers! Perhaps they could have some artificial-mechanical face tentacles? I wonder what they would be for? Perhaps they specialise in eating brains and these tentacles are part of a system the aims in this feat? Philip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Thanks, Sigismund Himself! Philip S, while I feel that this is an interesting idea for a Chapter, it's not this one. Thanks for the input though. Keep the comments coming, KHK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 I'm willing to take any personality or name suggestions on the following captains: Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth and Tenth. As a note, all Captains lead full active combat companies, as opposed to codex with reserve. Onto the fleet. Again, the only named ship I have in my mind is the Nausicaa (a battle barge). I thought about the following: Cassandra, Hermione and Pandora. The Chapter has a trio of Battle Barges, and multiple strike cruisers and other ships. Also, anyone who would like to contribute a Chapter to the Gehenna Campaign would be more than welcome to, as would any suggestion about an interesting idea for the campaign. I know it's a bit of a dull post, but fleshing out really is something I want to do, but don't know how. Thanks, KHK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I would love to be character in your 8th Co. I can write some fluff on him if you don't mind. I will paint him up and post him as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Michaels Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I'm willing to take any personality or name suggestions on the following captains: Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth and Tenth. As a note, all Captains lead full active combat companies, as opposed to codex with reserve. Onto the fleet. Again, the only named ship I have in my mind is the Nausicaa (a battle barge). I thought about the following: Cassandra, Hermione and Pandora. The Chapter has a trio of Battle Barges, and multiple strike cruisers and other ships. Also, anyone who would like to contribute a Chapter to the Gehenna Campaign would be more than welcome to, as would any suggestion about an interesting idea for the campaign. I know it's a bit of a dull post, but fleshing out really is something I want to do, but don't know how. Thanks, KHK this sounds interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 I would love to be character in your 8th Co. I can write some fluff on him if you don't mind. I will paint him up and post him as well. There is absolutely no way to express how awesome I think that is. I love that you love the Chapter enough to paint even a single marine for it, and I'd accept any character you write (permitting it's not something like Brother Blackbeard :P )! If you would like to give any thoughts you would like on the 8th Company as a whole, that is welcome as well. this sounds interesting Glad you think so :D ! Still looking for opinions on the ships: Cassandra, Hermione and Pandora. The Gehenna Campaign will most likely take place around the Maelstrom, thus involving Chaos, Orks, (Chaos Orks) and possibly Eldar as enemies. Thank you, everyone, KHK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferrus Manus Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Here are my comments: This skull, in coherence with the Emperor's tarot, inspired to the naming of the Chapter. 'Tarot' should have a capital. The Chapter marks their Chapter Master, each of their Captains, Chief Apothecary, Chief Librarian, Master of the Forge, Master of Sanctity, and head of the Honor Guard, the Piratate, with a golden krake helm. I think this sentence is needlessly long and detailed. I'd suggest removing the ranks and replacing it with 'their upper echelons' or something. Nothing wrong with the Tainted section, grammatically. It is a bit weak though. I think you need to explain why Howl allowed Thussaud to escape. After all Astartes are sworn to purge corruption where ever they find it. He'd need an excellent reason to go again this. Additionally, the Death Heads recruit more often than other Chapters, drawing in multiple young boys every few years. Fair enough but why? The Death Heads favor two methods of open combat, light and swift attacks and largely armored advances. My problem here is that these two tactics are effectively at opposite ends of the scale. It's like saying that Chapter X favours close combat but also favours long range bombardment. Death Heads have been known to refuse to retreat under any circumstances, only falling back when ordered by superior Astartes. Slightly contradictory. In the Chapter Organization section there are a few instances where words need capitals and some words that have them shouldn't. A few times reading it through should help point them out. The rest looks ok. Keep up the work the IA is getting closer to being 'finished' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Thank you FM, I made all the edits you noted and several more. What would you recommend for The Tainted to make it a more interesting read? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now