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IT: Iron Gods

Lysimachus renegade

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#1
Lysimachus

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xxIronGods2-1.jpg
F
or more than two centuries the Iron Gods have proven themselves a thorn in the side of the Adeptus Terra. They are sullied by overwhelming pride, driven by self-serving ambition, and unburdened by any kind of  morality; in short, they are everything that a brotherhood of Astartes should not be.
 

The Solios Nebula

 

Although tiny compared to the unimaginable expanse that is the Imperium of Man, the Solios Nebula still covers a vast area  of space in the northern regions of the Pacificus and Tempestus Segmenta, its tendrils penetrating deep into the heart of no less than seven different sub-sectors. Powerful, eddying currents within the warp around the Nebula make travel difficult  between Segmenta at this point, and the worlds around its rim have thus become something of a galactic backwater. The area has limited strategic value and few threats besides a handful of systems infested by the omnipresent Ork menace, meaning that Imperial Navy assets and Guard Regiments tend to be quickly relocated to more important or volatile combat zones, such as the Eye of Terror in the north.
 

The Nebula itself is sparsely populated with a handful of dead and dying stars, their powerful gravity wells drawing all manner of debris and galactic refuse into several vast asteroid fields within its borders. Empty of any resource useful to the Imperium, these fields have ever been a haven for pirates, rebels and fugitives, and for rogue traders and merchants dealing in items prohibited by the Adeptus Terra. It is believed that there are at least several dozen bases used by these miscreants hidden within the Nebula, either space stations or facilities carved into the rock of the larger asteroids.
 

Towards the end of the forty-first Millennium, as Imperial military strength in the area has become less and less, such rebellious elements have become more and more bold, as have raiding parties of several xeno species. The Imperial response has been limited to the occasional Navy patrol along the Nebula’s border, the Commands of both Segmenta simply unable to spare the forces necessary to properly cleanse it. Without such aid, the people of the worlds around the Solios Nebula have come to watch the skies above them with fear.


 

Talek Varn

 

Two hundred and thirty-seven years prior to the present day, a battered vessel appeared on the augurs of one of the largest asteroid pirate bases within the Nebula. It was immediately identified as an Astartes Strike Cruiser, though all traces of Chapter insignia had been scoured from its scarred and pitted hull. Despite the ship’s appearance, the crews of both the station and of the several smaller vessels docked there were understandably nervous, fearful of the Imperium and its finest warriors. Turrets and weapon systems were brought on line, all eyes watching for the slightest sign of aggression.

 

The cruiser hung unmoving in the void, but at the same time, unnoticed by the frightened defenders, an equally ragged  Thunderhawk Gunship drifted out from behind a nearby asteroid. It coasted on minimal power towards the base, finally making contact with the airless surface. Immediately, more than two dozen Astartes clad in mismatched grey power armour spread out across the asteroid, quickly targeting and taking possession of power generators, weapon controls and the main docking bay. The weapons that had been aimed at the Cruiser were turned on the other ships, crippling the unsuspecting vessels with the first salvoes of fire. Suddenly, the Strike Cruiser came to life, repositioning itself to watch over its heavily damaged opponents, even as it disgorged a pair of Thunderhawks that moved at a stately pace towards the main dock. As they arrived, the blast doors slid aside, opened by the Marines within. The transports set down, and another fifty Astartes in similar grey armour poured out, led by a single giant wearing Tactical Dreadnought Armour. Talek Varn had come to the Solios Nebula.
 

The inhabitants of the station trembled, sure that the Emperor’s justice had finally come. It had not. Varn had one of his men patch his vox into the station communications net. He introduced himself, declaring that the worlds of the Solios Nebula were now under his protection and that those who would serve him loyally could live, and reap both material rewards and glory. Varn added that those who refused were free to leave, though it was clear to all from the glint of savage madness in his eyes that such a departure would likely be via the nearest airlock.


 

The Rise of a Despot

 

Whatever Varn’s original intentions as to the worlds around the Solios Nebula, it has become clear in the intervening  centuries that he is little better, perhaps even worse, than the pirates and rebels he first claimed to oppose. Though his first  actions were against the other stations within the Nebula, it would seem that these strikes were intended simply to destroy his future rivals and to secure the weapons, armour plating and shield generators needed to further fortify Varn’s own base of operations. Now strongly entrenched within the Solios Nebula, Talek Varn has turned his attention to the worlds on its  borders. The protection offered by him comes at a high price, a tithed tribute from each planet or system under his watchful eye. Should such tribute not be offered willingly, it will commonly be taken with brutal force, setting a frightening example for a 'chastised’ world’s neighbours.
 

A noteworthy example of such cruelty occurred on the Agri-world, Feraxus II. The Feraxians, having suffered a poor year’s crop, refused to pay Varn’s tithe and gathered their people together behind the safety of the walls of Feraxus’ only city, with more than sixty thousand Planetary Defence Force and militia troopers ready to fight against his reavers. With typical Astartes efficiency, the Iron Gods bypassed this defence, instead quickly capturing several of the world’s orbital batteries, followed by a lightning raid that took control of the Planetary Governors command post. The governor and his staff were summarily executed, but in his rage, Varn went further. To punish the people of Feraxus for supporting their Lord’s foolish plan, he demanded that every third member of the defence force should have their eyes plucked out, so that their lack of figurative vision would be matched with literal blindness. This insane demand, backed as it was with the threat of the total destruction of the city by orbital bombardment, could not be ignored. With no choice but to comply, over twenty thousand brave soldiers, each a volunteer, each knowing that they would never see their families and friends again, marched to the Feraxian parade grounds where dozens of unwilling doctors and surgeons had been gathered. For a day and a night, the broken people of Feraxus lamented and the pirate lord watched coldly as his vile commands were carried out. Since that black time in their history, though the Feraxians hate Varn more than they ever did before, never again have they dared to refuse him his rightful tribute.
 

”I care nothing for this world’s petty squabbles!

Where is my damned tribute?”

Talek Varn addressing the Revolutionary Congress of Cordis<br> III
Talek Varn has proved himself to be an egotistical brute, a megalomaniac with a vicious streak a light year across. How such a flawed individual ever rose to become an Astartes is unknown, as no Chapter has ever stepped forward to accept responsibility for their fallen son. However, he is at the same time a ferocious and skilled warrior, a cunning tactician and a charismatic leader; ruling his little empire with a mixture of respect and fear.
 

His view of the Imperium at large and of the Emperor himself appears to be one of indifference and even contempt. However,  that is not to say that Varn has turned to the worship of the Dark Gods of Chaos, as he is equally scornful of them and their deluded followers. Rather, he believes in just two maxims; that only strength truly determines what is right, and that whatever a man can take, hold and keep is lawfully his. Varn’s long term goals are somewhat unclear, but it would appear that his primary focus in life is simply the advancement of his own power and glory.


 

Iron Gods

 

Talek Varn’s followers take their name from one of their first exploratory raids out of the Solios Nebula, on the Feral World of Ksergha IV. The superstitious and primitive tribespeople, who had never before seen the mighty warriors of the Astartes, called them ‘iron gods’ due to their inhuman size and strength, and their total imperviousness to the hunter’s crude spears and slings. It is said that the name appealed immediately to the pirate lord’s ego.
 

Mharkad and the Iron Beast
Besides the Rhino transports and Drop Pods that are common in any Astartes force, the Iron Gods have only two heavily armoured vehicles. The Iron Beast is an ancient Land Raider, Varn’s own battle chariot, that he has had retrofitted to match the much feared‘Crusader’ pattern.
 

Interred in the metal body of a Dreadnought, Brother Mharkad is Talek Varn’s deadliest warrior and his most fervent  supporter. No-one knows how long Mharkad has endured his cold half life, but it is clear that much of his mind is gone, with only his prodigious battle skills remaining. His speech and attitude are those of an ill-tempered child, but he is utterly obedient and fiercely loyal to his lord. Though there have been those among the Iron Gods who have thought to depose and replace their cruel master, Mharkad has ever stood ready to protect Varn from his enemies both within and without.

The Iron Gods are a diverse group of warriors, believed to hail from countless different Chapters. Outcasts, renegades or survivors, they are united by desperation, ambition and greed; and drawn by the promise of power and glory. When each one arrives at the gates of the stronghold Varn has constructed for himself from the foundations of the asteroid base, they must renounce all ties of loyalty to their former lives, giving themselves over completely to the Iron Gods. They remove all traces of their Chapter’s heritage from their armour, replacing them with featureless, anonymous grey. With this simple act, one that most Astartes would consider a terrible heresy in itself, the new recruit dies to his life of self-sacrifice and duty, and is reborn into one of bloody piracy. It is uncertain exactly how many warriors have joined with Talek Varn over the years, but Imperial sources estimate that he can bring more than one hundred and twenty Astartes to the field of battle when required.
 

In battle, the Iron Gods organization is far more fluid than that of a typical Codex-following force. The forces of Talek Varn are experienced veterans of countless conflicts. Each warrior is well equipped with bolter, bolt pistol and chain blade or axe. Marksmanship, skill at arms or proven loyalty is rewarded with the gift of more esoteric weaponry, such as plasma or melta guns or power blades and fists. Several units are equipped with heavier weapons to provide longer ranged fire support, but these are primarily simpler armaments such as heavy bolters and missile launchers that are therefore more easily maintained. Each squad is typically led into combat by one of Varn’s own retinue, a favoured champion who will fight at their head and ensure that their lord’s orders are followed to the letter. A single squad formed of the most loyal of these veteran  warriors is permitted the greatest honour of all, to fight beside their master as his personal bodyguard, equipped with the finest arms and armour Varn has at his disposal.
 

The Gods’ combat doctrine appears to focus on short ranged firefights and close quarter combat. This is perhaps primarily  due to their propensity for ship-to-ship boarding actions, Talek Varn’s view being that any vessels travelling within his realm are as much in his debt as the worlds, and therefore just as due to pay him homage.

 


The Magos

 

Early in the history of the Iron Gods, Talek Varn led his reavers against a small convoy of ships travelling along the border of the Solios Nebula. The ships were bearing the cog badge of the Adeptus Mechanicus and carried in their massive holds  medical and technical supplies that, if successfully taken, would enable the Iron Gods to keep on fighting for several years. However, what Varn found aboard the lead vessel proved to be a far greater treasure. The command ship’s gun servitors and  Skitarii guards fought fiercely to begin with, but when it became clear that the Astartes could not be stopped, the  defenders suddenly put up their weapons and retreated to a final position outside the bridge. Varn and his men were  understandably surprised, and even more so when the ship’s commander opened a vox link to

The Magos’ Gift
Even with the expertise provided by the Magos, technological resources among the Iron Gods are limited. Weapons,  ammunition and most vehicle parts can be manufactured by Octavius’ small work force of servitors and tech-slaves, but other,  more advanced items – most specifically bionics – are a rare and precious commodity.
 

While waiting for many months or perhaps even years for the Magos himself to be able to procure or build a bionic  replacement, it is not uncommon for Iron Gods who have lost limbs in battle to make use of more crude prosthetics; and even for those who have lost a hand to fix a blade or other weapon directly to the vambrace of their power armour so as not to lose any of their effectiveness in combat. Among the cynical and bitter warriors of Talek Varn, these temporary substitutes are caustically referred to as ‘the Magos’ Gift’.

the Iron Gods. He introduced himself as Magos Octavius, indicated that he had no interest in giving his own life in a futile attempt to protect the property of the Adeptus Mechanicus and  requested that he might speak to the pirate leader in order to reach some mutually beneficial arrangement. Varn is said to have smiled, recognizing in the Magos’ voice ambition, greed and a strong distaste for his masters. These were things he understood, things he could use. Octavius joined the Iron Gods that day, bringing with him the desperately needed skills and resources that would keep Varn’s forces operating at peak efficiency for many decades to come.
 

The Magos is a small, wizened man, whose body is riddled with countless bionic enhancements, spidery servo limbs carrying the myriad blades, saws and drills that are the tools of his trade. Octavius firmly believes himself to be Varn’s intellectual superior and that he must one day surely be the inheritor of the pirate lord’s little empire. However, he knows that he lacks Varn’s brutal charisma and the sheer force of personality needed to command a force as unruly as the Iron Gods. Hence, he is content to wait, biding his time and building his strength. In the meantime, he cannot help but take every opportunity to direct thinly veiled slights and slurs at his hated master, knowing himself to be safe from Varn’s prideful rages because of his unique position.

 

However, Talek Varn is far more intelligent than the Magos gives him credit for, and is well aware of Octavius’ machinations. While Varn despises ‘the worm’ for his skulking ways and snidely delivered barbs, at the same time he enjoys the mental sparring matches between them, revelling in the challenge of outsmarting a clever opponent. There are some among the Iron  Gods that say that it is for this reason, as much as the need for Octavius’ specialized skills, that Varn has allowed him to live as long as he has.
 

In reality, the two men are far more similar than either would care to admit; both thoroughly disenchanted with the thankless role a vast and uncaring Imperium saw fit to give them, both now seeking nothing more than to claw what they can from a dying galaxy before madness and death overrun all.
 

 

The Imperium

 

For the Planetary Governors and Navy Captains around the Solios Nebula, the Iron Gods are the most fearsome threat  imaginable. In the opinion of more than a few among their number, Varn’s demands of tribute are not excessive and that it costs far less to simply pay him and thus be safe from his cruel retribution. Further, when his requests have been met, Varn has provided his strength to these worlds when needed, most recently helping the hives of Talathi Prime to eradicate a Genestealer cult that had infiltrated their home. Whether Talek Varn was moved to act by some vestigial sense of honour or loyalty, or simply by egotistical fury that one of ‘his’ worlds had been attacked, is uncertain. Whichever is true, local support for the Iron Gods grew significantly because of it. However, the execution of the Governor of Talathi Prime shortly afterwards by Inquisitor De Corte has meant that few planetary lords are now willing to request Varn’s aid openly.
 

However, while it would likely be galling for the master of the Iron Gods to hear, the truth is that all his actions register as little more than a pinprick against the Adeptus Terra. In the aftermath of Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade, the ongoing wars  around the Armageddon system against Waagh Ghazghull, and the newly emergent threat of Hive Fleet Leviathan; Talek Varn and his followers are less than nothing. The Imperium’s view is that the Iron Gods may be safely ignored until such time as sufficient strength can be spared to crush them utterly. While this is probably a correct assumption, the Lords of Terra must be careful. The power of Talek Varn grows with every year, and if no action is taken against him, the Imperium may one day find itself with another Huron Blackheart firmly entrenched deep within its borders.
 

In his time ruling over the pirates of the Solios Nebula, Talek Varn has made many enemies. Foremost among them must  surely be Lord Admiral Griev of the Imperial Navy, a veteran commander seemingly obsessed with destroying Varn and all those who follow him. Why Griev is so compelled to act against Varn is uncertain, but many speculate that for a man like the  Lord Admiral, whose whole life has ever revolved around duty and unbending discipline, the very existence of a force

”Talek Varn is a rabid dog that needs to be put down!

Give me but a dozen more ships and I shall see it done.”

Lord Admiral Griev to the Naval Authorities at Hydraphur
like the Iron Gods is anathema, an affront to his uncompromising sense of what is right and wrong. The grey bearded Fleet officer has driven the forces under his command relentlessly, becoming almost tyrannical in his eagerness to find and annihilate his enemy. However, though in recent years Griev has captured or destroyed several vessels believed to be part of Talek Varn’s pirate fleet, he has never been able to bring the lord of the Iron Gods himself to battle. The Lord Admiral ever seeks from his superiors the strength he needs to hunt Varn down, but given his lack of success thus far, the Naval Segmentum HQ has been unwilling to waste even more ships in what currently seems to them to be a  fruitless endeavour. Rumours abound within the corridors of power at Hydraphur that the Lord Admiral’s obsession has driven him into madness, and that it can be only a matter of time before he loses his command entirely.
 

That Griev has been allowed to continue in his vindictive quest at all is largely due to the patronage of another servant of the Imperium, the shadowy figure of Inquisitor De Corte. Although only recently given the full rank of Inquisitor, De Corte is a shrewd and thorough investigator, and is convinced that the Iron Gods are a far greater threat than many of his peers realize. Much of the Inquisitor’s fear stems from his belief that he has discovered a pattern in many of the items taken as tribute by the pirate lord in the years since the desertion of the traitor Magos Octavius. De Corte feels sure that the ambitious master of the Iron Gods has put his Mechanicus ally to work sourcing and building a compact genetics laboratory complete with its own cloning facilities, with the obvious goal of replicating Astartes gene seed. Even more worrying to De Corte is the possibility that this goal has already been attained, as several of the Iron Gods most recent raids, on worlds such as Ksergha IV and the hives of Cordis VII, have been accompanied by unconfirmed reports of the abduction of a handful of prepubescent male children. De Corte’s many critics claim that the young Inquisitor’s theories are absurd, that there is not the slightest chance that Talek Varn could have gained the power to create warriors of the Adeptus Astartes, and that De Corte is simply trying to make more of his first assignment than is truly there. However, in the unlikely event he should be correct, the threat posed by the Iron Gods may prove to be far greater than any of the servants of Terra ever realized.



Gene-seed

 

The individual genetic legacies of Talek Varn and his reavers are a matter of much debate among Imperial scholars. Some believe Varn’s prideful attitude marks him as a son of Rogal Dorn, whereas others suggest that his savage ferocity and disrespect for authority indicate that he must be a scion of either the White Scars or Space Wolves. However, the simple truth of the matter is that Varn could have been recruited into the ranks of the Adeptus Astartes by any one of the many hundreds of Chapters currently in existence. Similarly, whether his original followers hail from the same Chapter as their master, or if he perhaps gathered them from across the breadth of the Imperium before he ever came to the Solios Nebula, is equally unknown.
 

Whatever the case, neither Varn, nor any of the Iron Gods, is known to have divulged the truth to anyone outside

About the Author/Acknowledgements
Lysimachus has been a certifiable 40K fluff-nut, particularly in regard to the mighty Astartes, for the best part of 15 years; and is honoured to have several IA’s, IT’s and a short story accepted into the B+C’s excellent Librarium.
 

Special thanks on this piece must go to Octavulg, Barret, Severus 6, GHY, Ace Debonair and everyone else who’s helped turn some fairly random ideas into a finished article.

their own ranks; nor are they ever likely to. The pirate lord knows that there is only one thing that could ruin his dreams of carving out an empire at the heart of the Emperor’s realm – that even a single Chapter should turn its full attention to the Iron Gods before he is ready to face them. Thus, he is vigilant that none of his followers should ever reveal anything about their individual histories that might bring the vengeful anger of their former brethren down upon the Solios Nebula.



Battle Cry

 

“Blood and glory!”



 



 



 


Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 25 February 2013 - 01:43 PM.


#2
RagingGriffon

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I would drop the mention of Space Wolves 'dex from the beginning of intro for several reasons: 1. Dex rules don't translate well to fluff, 2. I am sick of everyone jumping on the Space Wolves' nuts right now (I realize a new 'dex inspires ideas, but I feel mentioning it waters down your work).

I felt the takeover of the rogue outpost was weak. I think if a Battle Crusier showed up any enemies of the Imperium would fire regardless of its look/condition. Maybe having them stow aboard a freighter and then storm out taking laser batteries, and then have the Battle Crusier show up would work.

I like the idea of a mob boss Astartes demanding protection fees from surrounding planets. Now, you might want to take a stab at describing how they went renegade. That is going to be tough. If you do plan on using Space Wolves as your base then it might be a tough sell. Remember, there are Space Wolves in the Eye of Terror still fighting the good fight. They are very loyal to the Emperor.

Not a bad start. Remember, the Liber is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep at it!

#3
Lysimachus

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Thanks very much for the comments RagingGriffon!

I felt the takeover of the rogue outpost was weak. I think if a Battle Crusier showed up any enemies of the Imperium would fire regardless of its look/condition. Maybe having them stow aboard a freighter and then storm out taking laser batteries, and then have the Battle Crusier show up would work.


That's possibly a fair point, although bear in mind it's a large base, well armed, and I was picturing four or five escort sized ships around it, probably enough that they could take on the Cruiser if they had to. They'd be worried certainly, and would have fingers on triggers, but would feel safe enough to wait. After all, they're pirates, eager to make money, power, etc. A Strike Cruiser, even a slightly battered one, would be a great prize if you could take it! I'll have another look at it when I re-write anyway.

I would drop the mention of Space Wolves 'dex from the beginning of intro for several reasons: 1. Dex rules don't translate well to fluff, 2. I am sick of everyone jumping on the Space Wolves' nuts right now (I realize a new 'dex inspires ideas, but I feel mentioning it waters down your work).


If you do plan on using Space Wolves as your base then it might be a tough sell. Remember, there are Space Wolves in the Eye of Terror still fighting the good fight. They are very loyal to the Emperor.


Sorry, I think either you've missed the point or I've not explained myself very well (probably the latter! :) ). They were originally going to be Space Wolves, but they aren't now. Well, saying that, I suppose one or two of them could be... No-one knows exactly where Varn came from or which Chapters his followers have joined him from. C:SW is just thr rule-set I would use as it represents their more character driven, unorthodox organization and fighting style.

Thanks again!

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 23 October 2009 - 06:13 AM.


#4
RagingGriffon

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I pickin' up what you are puttin' down.

Well, it is a good start, I think. It needs to be tightened up, and needs some depth. Keep on keepin' on, you'll get there.

#5
Lysimachus

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thanks RG, I appreciate the support!

quick edit: pushed combat doctrine into the 'Iron Gods' subheading for now and added 'The Imperium' section to show how they're viewed by the Adeptus Terra.

any thoughts?

cheers

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 25 October 2009 - 03:25 PM.


#6
Lysimachus

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another little edit done. Desperately trying to get some feedback on this so I'm resorting to putting a few pics up to give an idea of what I'm aiming for:

Posted Image

Posted Image

Posted Image

I've used a mix of mainly regular SM, with a few of the less 'chaosy' chaos bits to give the feel that they're not as well supplied as their loyalist counterparts. Notice the defaced Imperial Eagle on the melta gunner too. Also a few SW bits as they look quite pirate-y to me (top knots, earrings, etc) as well as having some nice trophy type bits, teeth and furs and stuff, and it also shows that I'd use C:SW to play them!

I know this isn't the modelling section, but I thought it may give some more insight as to my ideas fluff-wise?


anyway, comments, criticism, etc would be very much appreciated

thanks

Lysimachus

#7
Ace Debonair

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I don't see any space-wolf traits with these guys, apart from the appearance.

There's only the standard hint of viking/barbarian that comes with space pirates - is that intentional? In your first post you said about jumping on the space wolf bandwagon, and yet your feet seem to remain resolutely clear of bandwagon country. :lol:

This is not a criticism, by any means. The chapter you have created is pretty darn good. I'm just wondering if you intentionally contradicted yourself. :D

#8
Lysimachus

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This is not a criticism, by any means. The chapter you have created is pretty darn good


Thanks Ace, glad you like!

I don't see any space-wolf traits with these guys, apart from the appearance.

There's only the standard hint of viking/barbarian that comes with space pirates - is that intentional?


(sigh)next time I edit this I really must remove that bit about SW!

In your first post you said about jumping on the space wolf bandwagon, and yet your feet seem to remain resolutely clear of bandwagon country.


Good, that's kind of what I was aiming for! ;)

To explain:
1) I wanted to do a new army (SW)
2) Wanted to be a bit different, do a lost company
3) decided they'd find and stay on some kind of space station/base
4) realized fluff wise they didn't need to be SW at all, in fact better if not SW
5) came up with current idea, renegades not SW
6) would still use C:SW, as its less strict org, character led style fits nicely for pirates
7) models use a few SW bits just because they look right for pirates with trophies, pelts, earrings, big hair, etc

hope that explains better ;)

cheers!

Lysimachus

#9
Lysimachus

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another edit done, more detailing and sidebar added. Any comments at all?

thanks for looking!

Lysimachus

#10
Octavulg

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For more than two centuries the Iron Gods have proven themselves a thorn in the side of the Adeptus Terra. They are sullied by overwhelming pride, driven by self-serving ambition, and unburdened by any kind of morality; in short, they are everything that a brotherhood of the Astartes should not be.


Well, gosh. Why are they still included among the ranks of such, then?

This should really be an Index Traitoris (and a good one, I might add).

* * *

It's short, but it's very good. If you could find things to expand upon, that might be good, but in some ways its quality lies in the fact that it doesn't expand too much - it tells us about the pirates and moves on. Well done.

That said, is there anything you can think of to expand upon? It really is very, very short.

Also, the whole recruiting from former Astartes thing feels a little off...a hundred traitor Astartes is a lot...

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

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#11
Lysimachus

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Thanks Octavulg, very glad to hear you like it!

This should really be an Index Traitoris


You know, I think that must be one of the stupidest mistakes I've ever made, of course it should! :P I'll edit it asap


That said, is there anything you can think of to expand upon? It really is very, very short.


Yeah, I know. I keep looking at it, trying to think of things to add, but most of them feel more like sidebar material. Don't want it to be more sidebar than article!! I guess the real problem is that they don't have much history to write about, relatively speaking anyway.

Anyone got any suggestions where it might currently feel a little light?


Also, the whole recruiting from former Astartes thing feels a little off...a hundred traitor Astartes is a lot...


Mmm, that's true. I was sort of imagining that a high proportion of the 80 that were there when they arrived (maybe 60/70 ish) were the remnants of a Company from Varn's former Chapter, that he was their Captain? Then when the numbers have risen over the 200 ish years since, it's only 50 or so extra. Does that sound more likely? Maybe I could push their total numbers down a little if not?

Really good to have your thoughts on it, mate!!!

cheers

Lysimachus

#12
Octavulg

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Things you could add:

-Wild speculation about their history.
-Lurid descriptions of the horrible things they do when tribute is late.
-Mention of one or two of the other notable personalities in the chapter - a sidebar description of a failed mutiny would work well.
-Explain how they overcome the logistical and technological issues they face - Space Marines require a lot of maintenance, both medically and technologically, as does their equipment.
-Maybe mention a little more about his empire-building efforts

The problem is that no individual section feels particularly short - it's just that there's not much in total. You've skipped over the common thing that makes IT articles dull, and that's a blow-by-blow description of a run-of-the-mill defection or corruption, but that's generally where most of the content comes from (note that this is still a point in your favor).

It's an interesting dilemma. I'm honestly not sure how to solve it. One of the reasons I mostly read and write IAs, not ITs.

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

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#13
Lysimachus

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Excellent suggestions brother!

quick update to Gene seed section, a little more 'wild speculation' <_<



Mention of one or two of the other notable personalities in the chapter


Explain how they overcome the logistical and technological issues they face - Space Marines require a lot of maintenance, both medically and technologically, as does their equipment.


Been thinking, might be able to do something with these together. was considering including a bit about a renegade AdMech Magos who has joined the Iron Gods, cares for the Marines health, also able to provide for some of their technological needs - has contacts on local forge world (come to think of it, maybe he's not 'renegade', just disappeared?)
Also, he's the only one who's a match for Varn in terms of intellect, they don't like each other but need each other for the time being. Always quietly looking out for ways to take Varn's place.

how does that sound?

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 04 November 2009 - 07:26 AM.


#14
Octavulg

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Geneseed update is nice.

Renegade Magos could work - but you'd need to explain why he's a renegade, etc. Maybe how and why he and Varn clash. What he's trying to get from the Iron Gods. Etc.

Explaining a bit more of Varn's motivations might not be bad, either, whether explicitly or implicitly.

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#15
Lysimachus

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Cool, thanks!

Added 'The Magos' section, think it covers everything?



Explaining a bit more of Varn's motivations might not be bad, either, whether explicitly or implicitly.


Hmmm, perhaps I should add a little more to the 'Rise of a Despot' section, could give a bit more of an idea what it is he wants, how he's trying to expand his 'empire', stuff like that? Must admit, as I look back at it, that section does look a bit short anyway!


all C+C still very welcome!

thanks

Lysimachus

#16
Lysimachus

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another little edit, added some more to 'The Rise...' section, think it's filled out a bit better now.

Think maybe I'm getting there with this one now, but any C+C would be greatly appreciated!

thanks

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 13 November 2009 - 07:34 AM.


#17
Lysimachus

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Well, I'm not really sure this is Librarium ready or not, I'm fairly happy with it and I can't think of anything more to add without bogging the whole article in details. However, this one seems to have gone very quickly and that makes me nervous... :lol:

Any further suggestions, criticisms, etc would be very welcome, otherwise I guess I'll just get on and offer it up to the fraters over at the Librarium!!!

thanks

Lysimachus

#18
Severus6

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Other than the fact than this is extremely good,...you had me at "sullied", I can only see a few things here and there that may need to be sqared away a bit more.

1. The quote or reference about individuals not bowing to his leadership leaving by the airlock comes across as somewhat trite. I would not use it. Its not necessary and quite out of character compared to what follows storywise.

2. Make no references to the Space Wolves,....its not needed.

3. The "Magos" is a wonderful idea,...what I suggest is that have additionally a rogue Apothocarey; one that has come to your ranks via rather dubious means. That is the second foil for your main character. He and the Magos are against each other for obvious reasons,....if you wanted it to be a bit more touch and go, add a third individual. Possibly an up and comer, a valuable bodyguard or psuedo trusted Lieutenant. Your boy would play all three against each other,....and it would get nasty.

4. The references to a quasi legitimatcy due to the fact that he is controlling the sector and not the individual pirate bands is a wonderful twist. That and the fact that you have planetary governors who are buying into it fits the bill rather nicely. You might,...just might,.... go so far as to say that the Iron Gods are now recruiting for Initiates and Scouts if they have the ability to replenish their ranks with harvested geneseed.

Just a few thoughts, hope they help.

Severus6

Edited by Severus6, 17 November 2009 - 08:41 AM.

 



The only prize for second place in this game kiddies is a shallow grave. You had all better remember that, because I certainly wont forget it.
 

The rules for both chess and war remain the same: attack, defend, capture, and sacrifice. Win at all costs.

I only use my gun, whenever kindness fails.


#19
Lysimachus

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Thanks very much Severus6, glad to have your thoughts on it!

To answer your comments:

1) Hmmm, yeah if I’m honest it is one of the weaker lines. I was considering having him let those who wanted to take a ship, maybe an old freighter, and leave, then have him order the strike cruiser to blow them away without warning. Sound any better?

2) Indeed. Actually, there’s no mention of the wolves in the article itself, other than where it says Varn could have come from any Chapter. You’re right though, I must edit out the little introduction at the start! EDIT: Done!!! :P

3) I like this idea, and it’s certainly something I was thinking would happen, that Varn would have other ambitious Lieutenants, and that he and Octavius would sort of bat a few of them back and forth between them. I’m just worried that I’m starting to clog up the article with too many details. It is quite short at the moment but I’m not sure that’s a bad thing? I’ll have a think about it again.

4) This was something I was very tempted to do; I wasn’t sure where in the article to put it in though. Any suggestions?

Thanks again for your help, it’s much appreciated!

Cheers

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 18 November 2009 - 07:39 AM.


#20
Severus6

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I’m just worried that I’m starting to clog up the article with too many details.


There are never enough details. Its as if you are saying that there are too many skulls for the Skull Throne; to much blood for the Blood god. Far to many rounds for the heavy bolter when facing the uncountable 'Nid hordes or possibly saying "I think we have over done it with Terminators in the Deathwing." No good sir, there are never enough details in an IA and certainly not possibly enough attention paid to them. Continue to write, create and enjoy.

Severus6
 



The only prize for second place in this game kiddies is a shallow grave. You had all better remember that, because I certainly wont forget it.
 

The rules for both chess and war remain the same: attack, defend, capture, and sacrifice. Win at all costs.

I only use my gun, whenever kindness fails.


#21
Octavulg

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Er...

There are too many when it stretches the IA beyond the point where anyone sane would possibly ever want to read it. Or when they aren't interesting details.

Neither of which is particularly a problem yet here.

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#22
Lysimachus

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Thanks guys! Will certainly think carefully about some more additions. In the meantime, I've been working on one of Octavulg's suggestions:

-Lurid descriptions of the horrible things they do when tribute is late.


Added a paragraph to the 'Rise of a Despot' section, trying to give an example of Varn's unpredictableness and lack of morals, C+C welcome on it!

thanks!

#23
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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I'm actually quite surprised by how quickly this has become a decent article. Most DIY's (especially my own) seem to languish in Liber for long stretches of time for various reasons and a lot of the time they simply fade away.

It is a good quality IA.

The only problem I see really are the unavoidable parallels drawn between this warband and the Red Corsairs. The rebellious leaders both 'should not have but somehow did' rise to power in an Astartes Chapter and both are irredeemably selfish tyrants who lead their followers into rebellion from the system. They both then draw recruits from other chapters as rebels and outcasts and are virtually pirates.

The real difference is that while the Red Corsairs are Chaos renegades, the Iron Gods are simply power-hungry pirates.

This is what makes them unique among the various renegades and chaos traitors all and sundry. You have brought this out fairly well and the underlying current of the article seeks to point this out whenever comparisons start to become apparent.

I think my favorite thing about the article as it stands is that I like Talek Varn and the Magos. While they may be despicable characters in many ways, they are more importantly interesting characters. They are characterized quite well and make for interesting reading which is exactly what you want.

The article is a little bit short though. Perhaps the addition of a nemisis for Varn and the Iron Gods to spar against would be good, to have some opposition to their nefarious empire. Something akin to the relationship between Commissar Yarrick and Ghazgul in my mind.

It's overall very polished but it needs a little more to it in my opinion. Very good article though given how long it has been here compared to the average DIY.

Well done Lysimachus.

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-Silver Phoenix


#24
Lysimachus

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Thanks GHY, glad you like it!

Perhaps the addition of a nemisis for Varn and the Iron Gods to spar against would be good, to have some opposition to their nefarious empire. Something akin to the relationship between Commissar Yarrick and Ghazgul in my mind.


Damn, people keep having really good ideas and I don't know why I didn't think of them! :D I think maybe I might work up another paragraph for the end of the 'Imperium' section, develop the character of the Admiral quoted in the box, perhaps give him a bit of an obsessive, Captain Ahab feel?

Great idea, mate, will be working on it over the next few days!

EDIT: Had a few minutes to spare this morning so knocked together some ideas for this bit, in main article now, C+C on that or anything else welcome!

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 20 November 2009 - 09:25 AM.


#25
Ace Debonair

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The new bit is pretty good. :D

Makes you wonder what'd happen should the balance of power shift in one way or the other.