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IT: Iron Gods

Lysimachus renegade

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#26
The Mad Hermit

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I think the warband having an Apothecary is a good suggestion. He could be both a valuable asset and another leg in a power-struggle-triangle-type event.

I'm a little put-off by the total manpower available without there being perhaps some recruiting alternate to there being renegades who somehow learn about the Iron Gods and decide to join in on the fun. Really, are there so many renegades out there that both the Red Corsairs and the Iron Gods can recruit heavily? I see there being an Apothecary in the mix as helping possibly to alleviate that issue.

Otherwise, I really like the development and the detail-oriented writing.

What a long, strange trip it's been....


#27
Severus6

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You might go so far as making the Admiral nearly as bad as the renegade that he has sworn to destroy or maybe in only certain ways. The nemesis that your boy in all truthfulness realy needs,...it keeps him sharp, on edge and wary as much as the Lieutenants under his command.

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#28
Lysimachus

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Thanks guys, I appreciate all the comments and suggestions!

I'm a little put-off by the total manpower available without there being perhaps some recruiting alternate to there being renegades who somehow learn about the Iron Gods and decide to join in on the fun. Really, are there so many renegades out there that both the Red Corsairs and the Iron Gods can recruit heavily?


This is a good point. I'm adding a bit to the end of the Imperium section in a mo (EDIT: added to main article!) that will hopefully cover this and Severus 6 earlier idea about implying that the Iron Gods might be recruiting new initiates, let me know what you think!

You might go so far as making the Admiral nearly as bad as the renegade that he has sworn to destroy or maybe in only certain ways. The nemesis that your boy in all truthfulness realy needs,...it keeps him sharp, on edge and wary as much as the Lieutenants under his command.


Good point again, thanks! I'll have another look at that bit, see if I can give him that feel a bit more strongly.


thanks again!

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 25 November 2009 - 12:55 PM.


#29
Lysimachus

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another couple of little edits, any thoughts? especially on the bit about their recruiting, think it's ok but would like a second opinion!

thanks!

#30
Lysimachus

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Well, I'm fairly happy with this now. Another couple of little edits done, I think the length is still on the short side but I don't think it's enough to be a problem any more. There are probably a few bits I could add but I quite like that it's a concise description. I think there's a saying along the lines of 'Say goodnight while they're still wanting more...' or something?

Anyway, thanks very much to everyone who's helped flesh things out with their suggestions, it's made a huge difference to the finished(?) product. Does anyone have any other thoughts/suggestions/issues with it? Otherwise I think I'm about ready to submit it.

Cheers

Lysimachus

#31
Octavulg

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Give it a week then reread it. Gives you a fresh viewpoint.

Not that I think it's wholly necessary, but it seldom hurts.

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#32
Lysimachus

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Give it a week then reread it. Gives you a fresh viewpoint.


Wise man. :P Decided to leave it for a bit and had some more ideas. New sidebar added, 'The Magos' Gift.' The idea came from something I'm thinking about doing modelling-wise, to cut off one or two Marines hands and stick on a knife blade instead (something short and stabby with appropriate GS work to tie it in, of course), I figured it would just show the lack of more high tech stuff, and give them a more pirate-y feel (hopefully without being too 'Arr matey! Swab the decks!' :P). Let me know if you think it works!

cheers

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 09 December 2009 - 08:29 PM.


#33
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Ok, been a week since I last read/edited this, and I can't see any more changes to make. Side point: Checked the word count, comes in at just over 3600, so on the short side but well within what is acceptable for an IA/IT. Anyway, unless anyone has any final thoughts/suggestions, I think this is ready to submit. Thanks to everyone who's offered comments and ideas!

Lysimachus

#34
Ace Debonair

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Hey, I don't remember reading the bit about the inquisitor before.
That's pretty neat. ^_^

This looks as good as completed to me - or at least, I can't find any faults with it.

Good work!

#35
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Thanks Ace, yep, that was one of the last edits!

Well, it's now been submitted, so let's see what happens! Thanks very much to everyone for comments, etc; it's been a really big help!

cheers

Lysimachus

#36
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This is looking awesome mate,

love the colour scheme proto-type, cant wait to see it on the models, keep it up

#37
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For more than two centuries the Iron Gods have proven themselves a thorn in the side of the Adeptus Terra. They are sullied by overwhelming pride, driven by self-serving ambition, and unburdened by any kind of morality; in short, they are everything that a brotherhood of the Astartes should not be.


I would remove either "that" or "the" from the last sentence. At the moment it feels slightly off when it is read. I'd lean more toward removing "that" than "the", but either one would help.

The Solios Belt is a huge asteroid field that runs along the border between the Segmentum Pacificus and the Segmentum Tempestus at its northernmost point. Though tiny compared to the unimaginable expanse that is the Imperium of Man, the Belt nonetheless covers a vast area of space, its tendrils penetrating deep into the heart of no less than seven different sub-sectors.


The first sentence is sufficiently awkward that I think you should consider scrapping it and starting over. It's not bad, it just seems to get muddled toward the end somehow. The problem is that it doesn't exactly run along the border, and that you can't have something running along a point, either. I'm not sure how to avoid that, though.

It might be best to rethink the structure of the paragraph. Maybe:
"Although tiny compared to the unimaginable expanse that is the Imperium of Man, the Solios Asteroid Belt still covers a vast area of space in the northern regions of the Pacificus and Tempestus Segmenta, its tendrils penetrating deep into the heart of no less than seven different sub-sectors."

Gets the same information across, tells us where it is (though a little less explicitly), and uses "Segmenta". A win on all three counts! ;)

The nature of the Belt makes warp travel difficult between Segmentums at this point, and the worlds around its rim have thus become something of a galactic backwater. The area has limited strategic value and few enemies besides a handful of systems infested by the omnipresent Ork menace, meaning that Imperial Navy assets and Guard Regiments tend to be quickly relocated to more important or volatile combat zones, such as the Eye of Terror in the north.


Segmenta! Segmenta! Never Segmentums!

I'd say "few threats", rather than "few enemies". Enemies implies people who want to come in from outside and blow it up, at least to me. Threats more accurately suggests there's nothing going on.

For some reason, having "more important or volatile" bugs me, and I think picking one would be better. But that's me. :P

Towards the end of the forty-first Millennium, as Imperial military strength in the area has become less and less, such rebellious elements have become more and more bold, as have raiding parties of several xenos species. The Imperial response has been limited to the occasional Navy patrol along the Belts border, the Command HQ's of both Segmentums simply unable to spare the forces necessary to properly cleanse it. Without such aid, the people of the worlds around the Solios Belt have come to look at the skies above them with fear.


Xenos is already a plural. Should be xeno species. I think.

Belt's border. As in the border belonging to the belt. Needs the apostrophe. Oh, and Segmenta again. Also would make sense to just say the "Commands of both Segmenta", since the Naval HQ in each Segmentum is referred to as "Segmentname Command".

I'd also say "watch" instead of "look at". "Look at" feels more casual.

Two hundred and thirty-seven years prior to the present day, a battered vessel appeared on the augurs of one of the largest asteroid pirate bases within the Belt. It was immediately identified as an Astartes Strike Cruiser, though all traces of Chapter insignia had been scoured from its scarred and pitted hull. Despite the ships appearance, the crews of both the station and several smaller vessels docked there were understandably nervous, fearful of the Imperium and its finest warriors. Turrets and weapon systems were brought on line, all eyes watching for the slightest sign of aggression.


Ship's appearance. With an apostrophe.

I'd also say "...and of the several smaller vessels docked there". Leaving out the "of the" makes it sound like there were vessels there who weren't nervous.

The cruiser hung unmoving in the void, but at the same time, unnoticed by the frightened defenders, a small craft, an equally ragged Thunderhawk Gunship drifted out from behind a nearby asteroid. It coasted on minimal power towards the base, finally making contact with the airless surface. Immediately, more than two dozen Astartes clad in mismatched grey power armour spread out across the asteroid, quickly targeting and taking possession of power generators, weapon controls and the main docking bay. The weapons that had been aimed at the Cruiser were turned on the other ships, crippling the unsuspecting vessels with the first salvoes of fire. Suddenly, the Strike Cruiser came to life, repositioning itself to watch over its heavily damaged opponents, even as it disgorged a pair of Thunderhawks that moved at a stately pace towards the main dock. As they arrived, the blast doors slid aside, opened by the Marines within. The transports set down, and another fifty Astartes in similar grey armour poured out, led by a single giant wearing Tactical Dreadnought Armour. Talek Varn had come to the Solios Belt.


We know Thunderhawk Gunships are small craft. Just cut "a small craft", for 'tis redundant.

The inhabitants of the station trembled, sure that the Emperor's justice had finally come. It had not. Varn had one of his men patch his vox into the station comm. net. He introduced himself, declaring that the worlds of the Solios Belt were now under his protection and that those who would serve him loyally could live, and reap both material rewards and glory. Varn added that those who refused were free to leave, though it was clear to all from the glint of savage madness in his eyes that such a departure would likely be via the nearest airlock.


The third sentence has some funny punctuation, and I think just saying "Varn had one of his men patch into the station communications net." would work just as well.

Whatever Varn's original intentions as to the worlds around the Solios Belt, it has become clear in the intervening centuries that he is little better, perhaps even worse, than the pirates and rebels he first claimed to oppose. Though his first actions were against the other stations within the belt, it would seem that these strikes were intended simply to destroy his future rivals and to source the weapons, armour plating and shield generators needed to further fortify Varn's own base of operations. Now securely entrenched within the Solios Belt, Talek Varn has turned his attention to the worlds on its borders. The protection offered by him comes at a high price, a tithed tribute from each planet or system under his watchful eye. Should such tribute not be offered willingly, it will commonly be taken with brutal force, setting a frightening example for a 'chastised' world's neighbours.


Using the term 'source' as you do feels weird - 'secure' would feel much more natural. If you do this, take out the "securely" in the next sentence.

A noteworthy example of such cruelty occurred on the Agri-world, Feraxus II. The Feraxians, having suffered a poor year's crop, refused to pay Varn's tithe and gathered their people together behind the safety of the walls of Feraxus' only city, with more than sixty thousand Planetary Defence Force troopers ready to fight against his reavers.


I'd say "sixty thousand PDF and militia", since an agri-world population maxes out at about a million (see the 3rd edition rulebook or my own summary of it in the DIY Guide). PDF, as I understand it, tend to be the regular military of the planet.

For perspective, Canada has an armed forces of about sixty thousand with a population of thirty million, while the US has an armed forces of about one and a half million with a population of three hundred million. Considering 40K armies seem to be smaller than one would expect, this would lead to Feraxus having a regular PDF of maybe two thousand to five thousand (though presumably anywhere up to the entire able-bodied population of the planet could be militia).

There are three options - increase the size of the population, decrease the size of the PDF, or make it clear that that's mixed PDF and militia (and just have the 'volunteers' be selected from both).

"I care nothing for this world's petty squabbles!!
Where is my damned tribute?!!"
Talek Varn addressing the Revolutionary


Exclamation points are best used with a light touch. One per sentence (and I'd honestly recommend just the question mark for the second sentence). He's menacing enough without extra punctuation.

Also, I'd use a term other than Government. Congress, Assembly or some other term would convey that he's addressing one of the factions a little better than 'Government'.

His view of the Imperium at large and of the Emperor himself appears to be one of indifference and even contempt. However, that is not to say that Varn has turned to the worship of the Dark Gods of Chaos, as he is equally scornful of them and their deluded followers. Rather, he believes in just two maxims; that only strength truly determines what is right, and that whatever a man can take, hold and keep is lawfully his. Varn's long term goals are somewhat unclear, but it would appear that his primary focus in life is simply the advancement of his own power and glory.


I'd lean toward "importance" or maybe "renown" over "glory". Glory feels too noble, too well-meaning.

And Talek Varn is not the well-meaning sort.

The 'Gods' combat doctrine appears to focus on short ranged firefights and close quarter combat. This is perhaps primarily due to their propensity for ship-to-ship boarding actions, Talek Varn's view being that any vessels travelling within his realm are equally in his debt as are the worlds, and therefore just as due to pay him homage.


First, I'd remove the quotes from around Gods, or switch it to being Iron Gods'. As is, the quotes just seem really out of place (and displace the glorious possessive apostrophe).

Second, the final sentence might work better as: "Talek Varn's view being that any vessels travelling within his realm owe him as much homage as planets, the Iron Gods have developed a propensity for ship-to-ship boarding actions, which may explain their specialization."

At minimum, I'd recommend changing the bit about "equally in his debts as are the worlds", because right now it's just messy (and should really have the "are" removed to say what you want it to). Saying "as much in his debt as the worlds" would be clearer, but still feels a little sloppy.

For the Planetary Governors and Navy Captains around the Solios Belt, the Iron Gods are the most fearsome threat imaginable. In the opinion of more than a few among their number, Varn's demands of tribute are not excessive and that it costs far less to simply pay him and thus be safe from his cruel retribution. Further, when his requests have been met, Varn has provided his strength to these worlds when needed, most recently aiding the hives of Talathi Prime to eradicate a genestealer cult that had infiltrated their home. Whether Talek Varn was moved to act by some vestigial sense of honour or loyalty, or simply by egotistical fury that one of 'his' worlds had been attacked, is uncertain. Whichever is true, local support for the Iron Gods grew significantly because of it. However, the execution of the Governor of Talathi Prime shortly afterwards by Inquisitor De Corte has meant that few planetary Lords are now willing to do so openly.


The word aiding is not normally used as you have used it. You 'help people to' things and 'aid people in' things, rather than 'aid people to' things. I know not why, but so it is.

In the final sentence, I'd recommend replacing "do so" with "request Varn's aid", since technically the sentence currently means that many planetary Lords (which, by the by, should not be capitalized, since we're being wholly generic) are now unwilling to be executed by Inquisitor Corte (which implies they were before). While amusing, this isn't exactly what you intend. :D

"Blood and Glory!!!"


Glory is not a proper noun, so you shouldn't capitalize it. :D

* * *

The Emperor's Blade are pretty good. These guys are excellent. Well done. :D They are now officially One of My Favorite Chapters (which is a very short list), which means I will, in the months to come, actually remember them.

Resubmit with any changes you feel are necessary (though I am going to 100% insist on adding apostrophes where necessary - I weigh my opinion heavily, but I weigh punctuation infinitely). It'd also make a lot of sense to reply to this post here, of course. :)

I may be slightly incommunicado over the next few days, due to holiday activities, but nothing too terrible.

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#38
Barret

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Ahoy,

It's been a while since I've been in the Liber, and I must say I'm glad this was the first DIY I found on doing so. :D Very well done on all counts, though I may be slightly biased as I did something somewhat similar.

The Iron Gods (great name) are a rather refreshing take on Marine renegades, and you've got some interesting ideas, especially around the nature of his little pseudo-empire and his relationship with the larger Imperium. There are a few places where you appear to contradict yourself around the origins of individual Iron Gods. Specifically, you clearly state that renegades from any Chapter can join, then later on state that it is unknown where the Gods come from. I understand what you mean, but it was a trifle confusing on first reading, and could maybe use some rewording to ensure the language is consistent.

I largely agree with Octie's grammatical suggestions, but beyond that I only have a few suggestions. Firstly, I'd like to know a little more about the man himself. I understand you want to leave his origins shrouded in mystery, but maybe, even in the form of speculation, discuss more of his (potential) reasons for going rogue, why he does what he does, etc. Varn strikes me as kind of a pulp anti-hero (that's a good thing), and I think he could use some more characterization to push that further. In a similar vein, I like what you've done with the Magos, but he, too, could use more explanation. What would drive a high-ranking member of the AdMech into a life of piracy? What would he gain from it? Is he disenchanted with the Omnissiah and merely, like Varn, seeking to claw what he can from a dying galaxy before madness and death overrun all? Or is there some deeper motivation? Perhaps rumours of some archeotech hidden in the lawless corner of space the Iron Gods "rule"? Something that might make him greater than any mere Astartes?

One of the reasons all good and honourable people like pirates is that pirates, unlike those uncool, pajama-clad ninjas who were probably always picked last for everything and couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag if it didn't have its back turned, are full of character and I think that's one of the strengths you've got here. Let's see more of it! How about Varn's lieutenants and henchmen? What horrible renegades and scabrous dogs plot and plunder in Varn's name? You can never have too many pirates. :D The same actually goes for your models, too. Individualizing them more, and giving them more and varied gear could help push the look, as pirates are anything but uniform.

Griev is a good character, and a good addition, but I think you could do more with him, especially to push the Ahab-ness of him. What is this mad quest of his doing to his career? Is the effrontery of Varn's self-serving piracy really driving him that much, or is there something more personal at play? Have Varn and Griev ever faced off?


"I care nothing for this world's petty squabbles!!
Where is my damned tribute?!!"
Talek Varn addressing the Revolutionary


I love this quote. However, lose the extra exclamation marks.


This is a bit nit-picky, but I dislike the term "asteroid belt" for a formation of the size you describe. It's doesn't seem to have the right tone to it, as it immediately conjures images of kind you see around stars. Perhaps a large, debris-ridden nebula? The remnants of dead stars and planets slowly coalescing back into news ones, hiding the warp only knows what secrets...


You may want to do another pass on the "Iron Gods" section as all that I could when reading it was "justification for using C:SW". Honestly, it doesn't need to be justified. If you do want to discuss their combat doctrine, perhaps focus on how their new MO and situation has altered them from the Holy Codex and how they go about their piracy, rather than explicating what kinds of units they field. This can be quite tough, I know. How are leaders and lieutenants chosen? What is their internal organization and hierarchy, such as it is? Why do they take the field, and what do they seek? Some level of their tactics is good, and I like your description of their version of the Wolf Guard, but I don't think you need to worry so much about things like Long Fangs.

Following on the notion of their internal organization...what is it? Do they have any? Are they a relatively solid group, like a Viking crew, or are they riven with politicking and intrigue, like the Iron Warriors?



I think that's all I've got for now. Keep up the good work!

Barret




I know not why, but so it is.


Have you been playing Dragon Age? That sounds suspiciously like the grammar of a certain forest witch...
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Be different. Play Iron Hands.

QUOTE (Ubermensch Commander)
Well of course a fan of the Iron Hands would pop up in a metal-hat and cyber-monocle and proclaim "Preposterous!" while waving his power cane at the nay-sayer.

#39
Lysimachus

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Many thanks for all the comments brothers!

@Donates: Thanks very much! Yeah, I'm hoping to get some mini's (probably a mix of SM, CSM and SW bits) at some point in the new year and put a squad together. Look out for pics in the WIP forum!

@Octavulg: Thanks for the detailed crit, mate, just what it needed! Have made some (most, tbh) of the edits suggested. Special thanks for the suggestions on grammar(I always get it wrong :huh: ); and those on the opening paragraph about the Belt, I knew it wasn't quite right but I couldn't figure out a better way to say what I wanted to!

Using the term 'source' as you do feels weird


source (transitive verb)
1) locate something for use; to get parts, materials, or information from elsewhere

not sure why this doesn't work?

"I care nothing for this world's petty squabbles!!
Where is my damned tribute?!!"


Exclamation points are best used with a light touch


Sorry, I think it's from a book by Terry Pratchet, that "multiple exclamation marks are the product of a diseased mind" or something like that, and in my head it fitted for Varn. I'll cut them down! :)

EDIT: Do I need to re-submit the article with the changes now made, or can someone (your good self?) take it straight from here? No worries either way, just not sure!


@Barret: You know, I'm really glad you posted. I was looking at the Liber Traitoris after I submitted this, and I saw your article and felt terrible! I have a feeling I read it a few years ago, forgot about it; then later wrote this, and now feel like a bit of a plagiarist! Hopefully there are enough differences to make it ok?

There are a few places where you appear to contradict yourself around the origins of individual Iron Gods. Specifically, you clearly state that renegades from any Chapter can join, then later on state that it is unknown where the Gods come from. I understand what you mean, but it was a trifle confusing on first reading, and could maybe use some rewording to ensure the language is consistent.


I think the problem is that these contradictions are because of differing points of view; Varn knows who each new renegade is, in fact he'd insist on knowing to make sure they don't bring a whole Chapters worth of trouble down on him; however, he keeps this information to himself and so to the Imperium at large it is a mystery.

The other bits you've mentioned are all good points and i'll certainly think about them as I work on it more (even after I get it accepted into Librarium). I'm afraid I've run out of time this morning to write any more right now but I'll get back to you, although I have to say that I particularly love this sentence:

Is he disenchanted with the Omnissiah and merely, like Varn, seeking to claw what he can from a dying galaxy before madness and death overrun all?


and if it's ok with you I may well incorporate it into the article!

thanks very much guys!

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 22 December 2009 - 08:28 AM.


#40
Ferrus Manus

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EDIT: Do I need to re-submit the article with the changes now made, or can someone (your good self?) take it straight from here? No worries either way, just not sure!

I'm sure if you made your changes here one of us could be kind enough to sort it out for you. <_<
 
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#41
Octavulg

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source (transitive verb)
1) locate something for use; to get parts, materials, or information from elsewhere

not sure why this doesn't work?


Sourcing stuff means you know where to get it, not that you went and go it. That doesn't seem to be what you meant - Varn most definitely went and got the stuff. :lol: "Securing", which would be the more conventional term, means you went and got it and smacked anyone who tried to stop you. Seems more fitting. :P

Sorry, I think it's from a book by Terry Pratchet, that "multiple exclamation marks are the product of a diseased mind" or something like that, and in my head it fitted for Varn. I'll cut them down! tongue.gif


Maskerade. Back when he was great (I read Unseen Academicals - he's slipping, sadly).

EDIT: Do I need to re-submit the article with the changes now made, or can someone (your good self?) take it straight from here? No worries either way, just not sure!


I'd prefer you resubmit. A Codicier (like Vash or Sig) could simply hit "edit" on your post, cut and paste the information (codes and all), and run off laughing. Mere Lexicanii like myself can't do that, so I'd have to cut and paste the BBCode from the previous submission and paste it into the current one in the appropriate spots. This would be an involved process, fraught with possibility for error. OK, not THAT fraught.

Also, Barret's point about calling it a belt is a good one - asteroid field might make more sense. If you want to follow up on some of his suggestions for expansion, you could do that before or after submission - but if you want to hold off on submission to work such stuff in, you should probably say so. :blink:

Also, I have not been playing Dragon Age. I talked strangely before it was cool.

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Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#42
Lysimachus

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@Ferrus: Gee, thanks mate! :lol:

@Octavulg:

Sourcing stuff means you know where to get it, not that you went and go it. That doesn't seem to be what you meant - Varn most definitely went and got the stuff. "Securing", which would be the more conventional term, means you went and got it and smacked anyone who tried to stop you. Seems more fitting


That kinda makes sense... fair enough, will change on next edit! (EDIT: ok, done)

Maskerade. Back when he was great (I read Unseen Academicals - he's slipping, sadly).


Damn, how do you remember stuff like that? Must admit, I've not read any Pratchet in a couple of years so it's all a bit foggy

I'd prefer you resubmit


Ok, no worries!

If you want to follow up on some of his suggestions for expansion, you could do that before or after submission - but if you want to hold off on submission to work such stuff in, you should probably say so.


Tell you what, leave it for another week or two and I'll have more of a think about the points raised, then I'll resubmit.

cheers!

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 22 December 2009 - 01:06 PM.


#43
Solomon de Gravier

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I think this is a really good idea. You have got the idea of the Red Corsairs and turned it in on itself. A thing you could add is maybe a bit more about the personality of Varn. Is he an outcast in his own lands who has turned to piracy to make himself more noticed? or Is he a mere tyrant who wants to rise to the power of some of his Emperor-loving rivals?. Does he hide a deadly secret?. Was he once a good man?

just some very ominous sounding questions to scare you into writing a bit more personal fluff :)

keep up the good work ;)
Ah, signatures. What use really is a signature but a form of distacting it's reader so that they do not fully read the posts of the member whose signature is distracting them therefore creating a vicious circle of misunderstanding wherein none have any clue about the subject of which they are reading prompting them to post stupid comments with no reference whatsoever to the original post. Such ignorance should be avoided lest we fall into a period of decay where no good comment can be found. Such an occassion could tear this very forum from it's boundries and ...hang on, get back to reading my post!

#44
Barret

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@Barret: You know, I'm really glad you posted. I was looking at the Liber Traitoris after I submitted this, and I saw your article and felt terrible! I have a feeling I read it a few years ago, forgot about it; then later wrote this, and now feel like a bit of a plagiarist! Hopefully there are enough differences to make it ok?


No worries. There's room in the galaxy for more than a few pirates, and I'll put any similarities down to great minds and all that. ;) Reading this has actually made me want to go back and touch up IT:BP...

I think the problem is that these contradictions are because of differing points of view; Varn knows who each new renegade is, in fact he'd insist on knowing to make sure they don't bring a whole Chapters worth of trouble down on him; however, he keeps this information to himself and so to the Imperium at large it is a mystery.


Yeah, I get what you mean. I might suggest clarifying that a bit in-article, though.


Is he disenchanted with the Omnissiah and merely, like Varn, seeking to claw what he can from a dying galaxy before madness and death overrun all?


and if it's ok with you I may well incorporate it into the article!


Go for it! :lol:
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QUOTE (Blitzkreig)
Be different. Play Iron Hands.

QUOTE (Ubermensch Commander)
Well of course a fan of the Iron Hands would pop up in a metal-hat and cyber-monocle and proclaim "Preposterous!" while waving his power cane at the nay-sayer.

#45
Lysimachus

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@Sol: Thanks very much for the comment! I think he probably was a good man once. Although he always was clearly flawed, I think at least some of his reasons for turning against the Imperium come from the things he'd seen done in the Emperor's name. To be honest though, I don't want to go into it too much, as I like leaving some mystery to him, let people use their imaginations as to why he is what he is! :D

@Barret:

Yeah, I get what you mean. I might suggest clarifying that a bit in-article, though.


Gotcha, made a little change to Geneseed section, only a couple of words but hopefully makes things a bit clearer!

Go for it!


Thanks! Added it in at the end of the Magos section, again not a lot extra but I think just that one sentence adds a lot in terms of both Varn's and Octavius' motivations.


Also, made some changes in first section to go from Belt to Nebula, you're right it works better in scale, so thanks on that too!

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 24 December 2009 - 02:19 PM.


#46
Lysimachus

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Well, resubmitted and has been accepted into the Librarium. Just wanted to say thanks to Octavulg, Barret, Severus 6, GHY, Ace and everyone else who's commented and helped develop the idea into what is hopefully a half decent IT!

May well come back to it in the future, have just ordered some models from my supplier so putting together a force of Iron Gods for the table top might inspire me with more ideas for Varn's followers!

cheers

Lysimachus

#47
Octavulg

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You deserve it, Lysimachus. Well done. :P

Also, it occurs to me you probably should have an authorial blurb. Oops. :P I'll add one later today (or you can).

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#48
Lysimachus

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Also, it occurs to me you probably should have an authorial blurb.


Good point, I forgot completely! Resubmitted with 'About Author/Acknowledgements' box at the bottom.

#49
Sigismund Himself

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Approved the edit. Congratulations on the chapter as well ;)

#50
Lysimachus

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Little late but 'thanks Sig!' :)

Not just resurrecting this thread for no reason, btw, finally got around to redoing the SMP image for these guys, now hopefully closer to the actual paint scheme used on the mini's (just edited the Librarium article with it, but that's the only change if any of the staff were looking!)

More importantly though, wanted to ask for some help from all my fellow Liberites. You might have seen in my HoH thread (link in sig) that I'm currently building a 2,000 pt Iron Gods army for the TT and have been fluffing out some of the minor characters i.e. Sgts. Well, I've worked out some ideas for all but one of these dastardly pirate squad leaders, but the last one I'm a little stumped over.

Basically, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to let me corrupt one of their loyal Astartes warriors into a blackhearted renegade? Any reference to your Chapter would remain subtle as the Iron Gods are deliberately anonymous, but the hints would be there for anyone who's observant enough! (As an example, see if you can see one of Ace Debonair's brilliant Chapters represented in one of the squads in the HoH thread! :))

Edit:

A veteran of countless battles, Brother Ghoran is one of Talek Varn’s most capable, ruthless and loyal lieutenants. He served the pirate Lord long before the Iron Gods arrived in the Solios Nebula and it is suspected that he may even have turned renegade from the same Chapter as his cruel master. Whether this is true or not, he seems to be one of the few men that Varn trusts implicitly and therefore Ghoran’s squad is invariably at the forefront of any Iron Gods raid.

Throughout the centuries that the Iron Gods have ruled the Solios Nebula, several power hungry individuals have attempted to wrest control from Talek Varn. Although none have ever been successful, one warrior came close. On the very day he arrived at the Iron Gods stronghold, the savage Brother Mbo’kamo challenged Varn for his sovereignty. The battle between them raged for what seemed like hours, but finally the pirate Lord prevailed. However, instead of slaying his rival Varn immediately gave Mbo’kamo a place within his personal guard, granting him access to the finest weapons and armour available. Since that time Varn has pointed to Mbo’kamo as an example proving that, under his command, skill and bravery are always rewarded without bias or resentment. Other, more cynical observers have privately suggested that the cunning Lord was simply putting a potential threat where he could keep an eye on him.

Given his physical appearance, one might assume Brother Sargas’ moniker ‘the Lucky’ to be a cruel joke among the cynical Iron Gods. However, he has in fact been extremely fortunate, surviving combats against several of the most fearsome foes imaginable, even though it has cost him dearly. An Ork Warboss took his leg, a brood of Genestealers his eye and hand. Nonetheless, Sargas has endured and, although not inducted into Varn’s personal retinue, has become something of a lucky charm to his fellow renegades.

Boastful, brash and belligerent, ‘Captain’ Aximus insists that in his former life he served as the commander of his Chapter’s 9th Company. While many of the Iron Gods suspect that this is just another of his ‘exaggerations’, there is no question that Aximus does have a talent for co-ordinating and directing heavy weapons fire. Because of his skills, Talek Varn has thus far been willing to put up with Aximus’ pompous attitude, though this is of scant comfort to those renegades placed under his direct command.



These are the extra characters so far, most have models, the last is a 'sneak peak' of the pack leader of the counts-as Long Fangs I'm currently working on!

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 24 September 2010 - 01:02 PM.






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