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IA: The Sons of Anubis


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#1
space wolf

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BATTLE OF ELNAR VI

A
s the centuries passed, a singular event would dramatically change the Sons of Anubis. It was the year 346.M37 and the Sons of Anubis had lost contact with a planet under their jurisdiction; Talaris VII. While temporary loss of contact with a planet is not all that uncommon due to warp storm activity; on this particular occasion, the Chapter High Priest had read an ill omen in his auguries. Erring on the side of caution, Master Anubis sent a small strike force to investigate. When the strike force arrived in the Talaris system, it was immediately assailed by a sizable Ork fleet. Luckily, the strike force managed to send word back to the Fortress Monastery before the cruiser was destroyed.

It isn't often that a Master of an Adeptus Astartes Chapter will engage in battle. Encounters with Orks and their Warlords were as common here as any other part of the galaxy. Often the Sons of Anubis would surgically attack Ork territory to prevent a Warboss from gaining momentum. However, this situation was different. The sheer number of ships reported showed that this fleet was dangerously close to becoming a dreaded WAAAAGH! Moreover, it was headed right in Elnar VI's direction. With the Chapter still undersized and much of its strength attending to other duties off world, the planet was relatively vulnerable. Anubis and his elite 1st Company took to the Strike Cruiser Firebrand, to meet the Orks before any more of their territory could be lost.
Chapter Master Khafre Anubis

Voted into the position of Anubis 300 years ago; The 13th Chapter Master to date, Khafre Anubis has overseen the Sons of Anubis through many of its toughest tribulations. He gained quite a reputation during the Damocles Crusade. There, he lured the Tau into carefully disguised traps; taking away their infamous mobility, by using a series of tactical retreats and defensive bulwarks. This type of strategy is Anubis's hallmark. He is not above using deception and the perception of weakness to put his enemies into compromising positions. Indeed, the entire campaign against the latest Kraken Splinterfleet was run this way. He distributed his forces in such a way as to show either utter weakness or overwhelming strength. Often the Tyranids would choose the former. Eventually, following Inquisitor Kryptmann's strategy, Anubis was able to divert the splinter fleet into the Tau Empire. “Let the Enemies of the Emperor fight amongst themselves; for when a victor emerges, there will be only one enemy to crush!”

-Chapter Master Khafre Anubis


Details of the battle around Elnar VI's orbit are hazy at best. It is believed that Master Anubis and his 1st Company were able to hold the Orks off in orbit until reinforcements arrived. What details survive tell of the death of Master Anubis and the loss of the 1st Company. Evidently in order to buy more time, Master Anubis followed the strategies of his Primarch and beamed aboard the Ork flag ship, a massive Space Hulk, with his very best men. In a desperate maneuver he and his men set charges all over the Hulk's interior, and blew the conglomeration of derelict spacecraft and asteroid apart. The massive amount of debris, had a devastating effect on both fleets; destroying many of the Orks but most of the 1st Company along with them. When the 3rd and 7th Companies arrived in Elnari space, most of what they found was wreckage. The impending Ork threat had been destroyed. Anubis and the 1st had sacrificed themselves for the sake of their home world. With the realization of this, a righteous fury overtook the Marines of the 3rd and 7th. They quickly stamped out any and all remaining greenskins in the surrounding systems.

When the dust had settled, an emergency council of the remaining company Captains was called. A new Chapter Master would have to be chosen. Ultimately it was Ammon Ptah, Master of Fleets, and Captain of the 9th Company. While the loss of a Chapter Master is not totally unexpected, as even Space Marines are mortal. Such a blow as the loss of Anubis, just when the Chapter was getting its legs under it, had quite a profound effect. Ptah's first edict was to permanently change the Chapter's heraldry. Additionally, the loss of the 1st would never be forgotten, and to further illustrate this point, he changed the Chapter's organizational structure.

THE 41st MILLENNIUM

O
ver the centuries the Sons of Anubis have stayed one of the lesser known Chapters. While no less active than any other Chapter in taking the fight to the enemies of the Imperium; many of the Sons of Anubis' conflicts have taken place in distant corners of the galaxy. That is until the beginning of the 41st Millennium. With the discovery of the Tau things quickly began to escalate. With Elnar VI so close to Tau Empire, the Sons of Anubis were one of the first on the scene when combating this new threat to the Imperium. Many times the Sons of Anubis would partner with other chapters in order to halt Tau expansion. In 742.M41 the Sons of Anubis joined forces with the famous Ultramarines and other chapters in what becomes known as the Damocles Crusade.

The Tau were just the beginning. The 41st Millennium would prove to be a period of very heavy defensive activity for the Sons of Anubis. After the battle of Ichar IV, they had their hands full with a sizable splinter fleet from Hive Fleet Kraken. After that, they led a sizable ship action in pursuit of Hakanor's Reavers. Because of this the Sons of Anubis have a growing reputation and are seen as stalwart defenders of the Eastern Fringe. When the enemies of the Imperium attack, the Sons of Anubis hold the line.

HOME WORLD: Elnar VI

"We not only protect this planet because it is our homeworld. We protect it because it is the world of our people, the Emperor's people. We protect this world because it belongs to the Emperor, and we are His servants! We are His children! We are His Jackals! And woe to those who dare invade our domain!" - Master Anubis - Battle of Elnari VI

E
lnar VI is a harsh world. In ages past, it was a heavily populated planet; however, that is no longer the case. Long ago the world suffered what the Elnari call the “qes-qrw,” or “Iron Rain.” The result lead to the near destruction of the entire planet. The sky is often black from the near perpetual clouds of ash that hang over the atmosphere. Electric storms are common and considered one of the most dangerous natural occurrences. The temperature of the planet will fluctuate from bitterly cold to intensely hot as the ash clouds either trap in the heat from the sun on the planet's surface or; when they are thick enough, block the heat all together.

Now a desert wasteland, Elnar VI is home to a fierce and hardy people. The Elnari have been raised from birth to survive in the harsh unstable climate. Organized into a loose society of tribes and clans, the Elnari live in the “Dwellings of the Ancients.” Either ancient sewers, bunkers or underground railways long abandoned and surviving from a time when there was a city above them, the Elnari now call them home. An entire clan generally dwells within one of these complexes or “Toou.” Despite their sub-terrainian dwellings, the people of Elnar have mastered survival. In such an inhospitable environment, supplies are limited and nothing is wasted.

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Generally speaking the clans tend to avoid each other. That way, each can be sure what they have will not be taken. However, when groups from different clans do interact, it is for one of three reasons: trade, war, or the Oaar (“The Price”). The clans will often trade their local craft goods for supplies or tools made of ores or materials not found in their local surroundings. However, not every clan is equally wealthy; thus conflict is common, as rival clans raid each other for resources and status. Wars are taken very seriously by the Elnari, even the slightest skirmish is treated with the utmost gravitas. If water is to be wasted in the spilling of blood, the prize must be worth it. Wars among the Elnari consist mainly of quick raids and close quarter fighting in the cramped tunnels of a clan's Toou. While fighting does happen out in the open wastes, it is much more rare. Fighting is taxing enough without having to fight in the tumultuous conditions on the surface.

The Oaar is perhaps the only true gathering of the clans for purely unselfish reasons. Taking place every five years, the Oaar is always held on the top of largest mountain (or ruin) in the region. Here all the local clans gather to celebrate their god, Anu. This gathering has two purposes. First is the mixing of the clans. Brides are promised and traded among the different clans in order to maintain genetic variety. The second is where the Oaar gets its name from. Here the best and bravest of the clan's warriors will fight in single combat until only a handful are left alive. Those left standing are then sent out into the wastes alone to meet Anu, and become one of his mighty jackals. The Oaar is given its name because of the lives taken in this grueling ritual. Even amongst the young men who are victorious, there is no guarantee that they will be judged worthy enough by the prophet of God, Anubis. Little do the Elnari know, that those young men sent out into the wastes never to be seen again, often get inducted into the Sons of Anubis as aspirants.

They are whisked away by the “Mnomets” (Keepers of Wisdom) into a Thunder hawk, and taken to the “Mouki Anute” or “Ladder of God;” a sizable outpost and training staging area deep in the southern wastes. A fortress of incredible size Mouki Anute is dwarfed by “Ouxorei,” (The Jackal's Lair) the Fortress Monastery with which it keeps a constant link. Located on Elnar VI's single moon, Ouxorei is a truly colossal fortress, where all the might and majesty of the Sons of Anubis and their equipment is housed.

COMBAT DOCTRINE
Adamar Crystal
Adamar is a unique dark blue crystal only found on Elnar VI. When treated with a specific heating process the crystal becomes extremely durable, yet flexible enough to hold an extremely sharp edge. Weapons made from Adamar are often used by Elnari Cheiftans as a badge of office. The Sons of Anubis however, use them for more practical purposes. Often a new Marine is issued a standard combat blade or Chainsword, but over the course of his career he is encouraged to shape his own Adamar weapon. These weapons are used in ritual ceremony almost as much as they are for killing; so as a Marine ages, his own weapon becomes more and more important to him. The average weapon is usually a blade measuring about 18" (24", including the hilt). There are however some rare examples of longer blades. These blades are usually heavily decorated and are fabled to possess a cutting edge stronger than that of a power blade.

"We shall fight them tooth and claw. We will claw at their flanks. We will gnaw on their tendons. We will gouge out their eyes. And when it is exposed, we will rip out their throat!"
- Master Khafre Anubis, 13th Chapter Master

T

he Sons of Anubis have developed a fairly unique way of fighting. While they greatly respect Guilliman and the wisdom that the Codex Astartes may impart, the Sons of Anubis favor close quarter combat tactics that allow them to tear out the heart of the enemy. Some of this is due their exposure to the warfare tactics of their kinsmen on Elnar VI. However, their use of close quarter tactics is mainly result of the foes they encounter. Experienced Ork killers, the Sons of Anubis learned very quickly that despite the range of the holy Boltgun

ADAMAR WEAPON

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and the many long ranged heavy weapons that could be brought to bear, Orks have knack for getting in the thick of it. More often than not, objectives would have to be held by the butt-stock of a Boltgun, rather than its barrel. Because of this, every Marine is issued a close combat weapon, in addition to the Bolt Pistol they are normally given for close quarter work. Incidentally, this became very useful in the encounters with the Tau (who are not known for their skill in close quarter combat); against the Tyranids (where close combat is almost inevitable); and in the cramped spaces of enemy vessels. Additionally, their philosophy is that holding the line is easier if the enemy is surprised. When forced into close combat, often times the Sons of Anubis will push back with practiced ferocity, taking the enemy off guard.

Because of this penchant for fighting up close, every Marine needs to go into battle carrying as little equipment as possible. By necessity, they favor light, shorter ranged weapons, that pack a punch, such as Melta Guns, and Plasma Guns. Their long range weaponry is often distributed among highly trained Devastator Squads that drill constantly to hit as many targets with as few shots as possible.

The Sons of Anubis, favor quick lightning strikes that destroy the enemies flanks or prefer to drop into the middle of the fray where merely holding their position wins them the battle. A typical example would be a force drop-podding down to a planets surface; surgically capturing whatever objective needed to be attained. They will defend that objective tooth and nail, through mid to short range fire and close quarter combat. Meanwhile highly mobile squads in transports hit the enemies soft spots. Between the squads holding their ground and the mobile squads harassing the enemies flanks; many opportunities for victory are created.

ORGANIZATION
Jackals of Elnar VI
The wastes of Elnar VI are not totally devoid of life. After thousands of years, what fauna still exists have adapted to the new environment of the planet. The dominant predator of the wastes is the Desert Jackal. While not genetically related to the long extinct lupine species from earth, on the surface they generally resemble the species. The ultimate survivor, the Elnari Jackal needs almost no moisture to survive. What water it does need, it gets from the blood of its prey. Normally a lone hunter, every once in a while there are sightings of Jackal packs lead by a particularly large Alpha. The people of Elnar VI revere these animals as avatars of the Emperor. As survivors, they travel and thrive in the desert wastes, just like the Emperor was able to survive the wastes of the stars to bring his light to the Elnari. This belief has been carried on by the Sons of Anubis, albeit more metaphorically.

"Our ways remind us of what we have lost...and of how much we still have to lose if we do not stay vigilant." - Jackal Priest Heu'aur Bes

T

he Sons of Anubis have an unorthodox organization. Since the loss of the first Anubis and the elite 1st Company, the Sons of Anubis have only had 9 Companies. The First Company has never been reformed out of respect for the sacrifice they made. Moreover, the absence of the 1st Company is also a constant reminder to be ever vigilant, for the enemy can strike at any time, and when least expected. Moreover, because of the heavy losses they frequently incur, the Sons of Anubis do not feel the need to limit their numbers. Often their companies are far larger than allowed by the codex. This generally goes unnoticed by the Imperium at large, mainly because the Sons of Anubis are careful to hide this.

Mimicking the leadership of the first Anubis, older Marines are often much more “hands on” with their younger brethren. As such, Veterans are almost never seen in a squad together. More often than not they are seen leading a squad of less experienced Marines, in order to guide them as Anubis would have. This is by no means unique to just Veterans. Captains, and even the Chapter Master is honor-bound to hear the request of a fellow Marine, no matter how inexperienced. However, the Chapter Master's time is very precious; so the Marine in question better be sure it is of significant importance. Or else he may find himself on maintenance duty with the servitors for several years.

Having been understrength for much of their early history, the Sons of Anubis are much more informal when it comes to company organization. When an Aspirant becomes a full fledged Marine, he is subjected to a battery of tests to determine what his strongest attributes are. From there, he is assigned to a position that fits his natural disposition. Often times a Marine will spend decades, if not centuries in his assigned role. Should he excel he may be promoted to the rank of “Matoi” or Veteran. Additionally some of the titles of office have changed. Most notably are the titles of Chaplain and Librarian. They have been replaced with "Anusets" (Teachers of the Desert) and "Mnomets" (Keepers of Wisdom) respectively. Sometimes the Head Mnomet is referred to as High Priest.



CHAPTER BELIEFS
The Visioning
One very important ritual of the Sons of Anubis is the “Visioning.” A symbolic reenactment of the Emperor's arrival to Elnar VI, the Visioning is a ritual all Marines must undergo in order to be promoted to the rank of Captain. The ritual involves the Marine in question spending days in the wastes with no food or water. This is to symbolize the journey the Emperor took to reach Elnar VI. Next, when the Marine is physically and mentally exhausted, he will ingest a series of extremely powerful hallucinogenic drugs. This is to represent the Emperor's power of foresight and the prophecy of the oracles. As a result the Marine experiences some kind of vision. It is viewed as a message from the Emperor, and its interpretation is left up to the Marine experiencing it. Interpreting a vision is a deeply personal experience that the Marine can struggle with for decades. But in struggling with the meaning to the Emperor's message, the Marine learns of the greater struggle of reconciling what he is taught to believe and what reality is. For only those Marines with a certain amount of pragmatism can lead their brethren effectively.

"Anu be praised! For he has given us the tools to be his servants!" - High Priest Sekmet Ha'ur

T

he Beliefs of the Sons of Anubis are heavily influenced by the Elnari cult. Long ago during the Great Crusade, Elnar VI was reclaimed by the Holy Emperor and his legions. Upon the Emperor's visit, the people of Elnar VI took him to be their god Anu. Anu is the great jackal, who hunts the vast desert of the stars; like his children, the giant desert jackals of Elnar. With the coming of the Emperor, the oracles of the Elnari prophesized that one day a prophet would come. One who would bring the Enari closer to Anu. Thousands of years later, with the arrival of the Space Marines that prophecy came true.

When they arrived, the leader of the Astartes approached the clans. He declared that he had been sent by the will of the Emperor. That some of them were to be chosen to serve the Emperor. It was clear to the people of Elnar VI that the prophet of Anu had come. Hence forth he was called Anubis; meaning "Messenger of God." Given the name's meaning, the leader of the Astartes was proud to adopt the name. He declared that a great test of fighting prowess was to be held to test the aspiring trainees' strength of heart. They were then to be cast into the desert, exhausted from a day of battle, to test their strength of will. Only then would those who aspire to be in the Emperor's service, prove themselves worthy. Thus began the first of many Oaar.

Master Anubis always had a hands on approach when it came to leadership. He was heavily invested in the training of the first Aspirants. He was leading them to a new world. Under the guidance of his Apothecaries, and the implantation of the gene-seed, he was literally fulfilling his namesake; bringing them closer to Rogal Dorn, and through him, Anu. Master Anubis was stern and demanding; the Aspirants were in awe of him. But as they underwent the changes to full blooded Space Marine, that awe was replaced with the deepest of respect.

After his death in the defense of Elnar VI, the chapter was filled with a great sense of loss. Most of the Astartes considered him a father figure. Out of respect for the man that brought them the blessings of the Emperor, they changed their heraldry. From now on, they would mourn; their helmets would be painted black, to commemorate the loss. Furthermore, his name became a permanent part of the title of Master. All Chapter Masters would hence forth be known as Anubis. Through the gene-seed they carry in their bodies, they pay respect to their Primarch; through their deeds, they pay respect to their god; and through their name, they pay respect to his prophet.




GENE SEED
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"Thank the mighty Dorn, for it is his strength through which we carry out Anu's will!" - Jackal Priest Heu'aur Bes

T

The Sons of Anubis descend from the honorable Rogal Dorn. As such, they lack the Betcher's Gland and Sus-An Membrane. This, however is not looked upon by the Sons of Anubis as a hindrance. Because a mortally wounded Marine cannot enter into suspended animation, if medical attention is not readily available, he would have no choice but to continue fighting until the Emperor takes him. This helped cement the Sons of Anubis' reputation as tenacious warriors; as, more often than not these warriors, if wounded, fight until they die. This generally leads to heavier casualties in each engagement than would normally be the case for another Chapter.

In regards to the Betcher's Gland, the Sons of Anubis, have developed a unique solution to this failing. While, other Dorian Chapters, may not see this gland as particularly necessary; the nature of the enemies they encounter as well as their fighting methods makes the loss of this gland inconvenient at best. The Sons of Anubis overcome this with a ritual known as the “Tapro Jehrt,” literally translated “Mouth of Metal.” Each Aspirant, before he can be called a full battle brother, undergoes a series of augmetic surgeries, Adamantite is grafted to the bones of the mandible and maxilla. The teeth are then replaced by two perfectly interlocking “jaws” sharpened to several points. This gives the Marine a surprisingly ferocious appearance, even when smiling. Ironically, it is not all that dissimilar from the “Iron Gobs” seen on many prominent Ork warlords.

REGALIA

"Our pride and sorrows are carried on the very armor you wear." - Master Khafre Anubis, 13th Chapter Master

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Pre Battle of Elnar VI Regalia

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Post Battle of Elnar VI Regalia


























T
he livery of the Sons of Anubis has changed over the centuries. Prior to the battle of Elnar VI, their regalia consisted of primarily gold armor, with Lapis Lazuli colored accents. With the death of Anubis, black was added. Additionally the colors gained meaning. Gold representing their loyalty to the Emperor; Lapis Lazuli—representing their people; and black—in mourning for Anubis and the 9th.

Generally speaking most of the symbols and badges are similar to those of the Codex Chapters. However, often high ranking marines will wear dark tattoos around the eyes and cheeks. These are the “Black Tears of Anubis,” which are a physical representation of undergoing the Visioning. Additionally the Sons of Anubis carve intricate pictographs into their armor commemorating their greatest deeds. A practice that has been inherited from their home world; as a Marine gets older, his Power Armor will be increasingly covered with these intricate designs. A Matoi can easily be spotted, as his armor is completely embossed with the tales of his glory.

BATTLE CRY

“While others train, we fight.
While others die, we stand.
While others lament, we endure.
For the Emperor...for Anubis...WE WILL HOLD THE LINE!”


Litany of Tenacity
-Chapter Master Khafre Anubis


Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

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#2
space wolf

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++Original post edited with content that used to be here++
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#3
Brother Jericho

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I like the information about their homeworld. Seeing the SoA modelled could be cool, too, especially considered the extra close combat weapon - although maybe it could be better to give them a close combat weapon -instead- of the bolt pistol? If you plan to play them, game-wise people might complain about it as mechanically would give them an extra attack in melee.

Don't really have anything bad say, 'though. Look forward to reading their beliefs.

#4
space wolf

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thanks for the reply. I'm actually using the space wolves dex for them, so my opponents wont have anything "unusual" to complain about. I'll get more into the chapter differences when I tackle organization and beliefs.
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#5
jlmb_123

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I think in the section on Beliefs, you've lifted it a bit too heavily from real-world history. An IA is meant to be written from the perspective of the Imperium - for the most part that don't care what somebody else believes, only whether it's heretical or not. Pull it back a bit. Also, if Elnar VI was brought into the fold during the Great Crusade, why was a new Chapter apparently founded? It couldn't have been a Second Founding Chapter either: there were only the Imperial Fists, the Crimson Fists and the Black Templars.

#6
wizard12

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I think it's rateher good.
Deathwing W-1 L-2 D-0

#7
Ace Debonair

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You briefly mention Jackal Priests whisking folks away in thunderhawks.

Who are the Jackal Priests? Are they space marines, or servants of the chapter?
If they are space marines, what role do they play within the chapter?

The bit about passing on the chapter master's name is quite good.

Is this going to be a formalized IA when all the sections are completed?

This chapter seems pretty good overall - quite an unusual take on an Imperial Fists successor.
Good stuff!

#8
space wolf

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Thanks for the replies fellas.

jlmb: What specifically do you mean pull it back? Most of what I wrote I've made up, how has it been lifted too heavily from real life?

Ace D: I do plan on making this an official IA, this is if I can figure out all the coding (still can't figure out how to insert those nice title banners). As for the Jackel Priests, it will become clear when I finish the organization part of it. But Jackel Priests are pretty analogous to Wolf Priests.
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#9
Ace Debonair

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Nice.

I'm just wondering where you're going to go with them. :huh:

#10
Solomon de Gravier

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I like this chapter. It features some very obviously Egyptian things (like Anubis, the name of the God of the Dead) but also some more subtle things like the Oaar. I also like the detail you've gone into with the planet description (By the way is the planet influenced by the book and film Dune at all?) and how you've shown how the people collect water in a very scientific way. Keep up the good work.
Ah, signatures. What use really is a signature but a form of distacting it's reader so that they do not fully read the posts of the member whose signature is distracting them therefore creating a vicious circle of misunderstanding wherein none have any clue about the subject of which they are reading prompting them to post stupid comments with no reference whatsoever to the original post. Such ignorance should be avoided lest we fall into a period of decay where no good comment can be found. Such an occassion could tear this very forum from it's boundries and ...hang on, get back to reading my post!

#11
space wolf

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Dune? What's that? I don't think the Elnar are similar to Fremen at all? :P All Hail Shi'Hulud
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#12
Solomon de Gravier

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Dune? What's that? I don't think the Elnar are similar to Fremen at all? :D All Hail Shi'Hulud


Sorry for the mistake. I just thought the way they caught water in nets was a bit like the Fremen suit things :o
Ah, signatures. What use really is a signature but a form of distacting it's reader so that they do not fully read the posts of the member whose signature is distracting them therefore creating a vicious circle of misunderstanding wherein none have any clue about the subject of which they are reading prompting them to post stupid comments with no reference whatsoever to the original post. Such ignorance should be avoided lest we fall into a period of decay where no good comment can be found. Such an occassion could tear this very forum from it's boundries and ...hang on, get back to reading my post!

#13
space wolf

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No, you are right, after many years, I still haven't learned that sarcasm doesn't translate correctly over the internet :)
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#14
Mordray

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Hello, I'm Mordray.

I'll be your skinner for the day please try to keep the squirming to a minimum it'll only make this hurt more.

Alrighty now then... I'll be doing this section by section...


Chapter title:
- Interesting... nothing really jumps out.

Intro:
- Founding is fine... though the location is rather crowded... it's a wonder how the Tau survive at all with most of the Imperium's chapter's waging war on them...
- Hope you have a good reason for the rename...

Homeworld:
- Nice change of pace seeing the home world section near the top.
- Far too much direct from earth history ideas and concepts. The great pyramid and sphinx... really nailed this for me... the jackals bit kind of started making me a bit nervous... but those last two really locked it down. You've got too much ancient Egypt in your 40k instead of having 40k flavored with ancient Egypt and it appears also a dose or two of dune... that wasn't so bad.
- One thing that does trouble me is how this is a desert world with an Egyptian theme... it's kind of a personal grip but it just gets old seeing the same thing over and over again... seems most chapters with Egyptian theme's hail from desert worlds...

History:
- Interesting a mystery alright I'll give you that... I myself enjoy a good mystery that is never solved...
- Personally I feel you only just barely fudged the line on justifying the rename...

Combat Doctrine:
- I see you're using the Space Wolves codex... nothing I'll hold against you.
- Nice reasoning

Organization:
- First thoughts... 12 companies... most chapter's have 10...
- Alright too much wolf in your writings... It's fine that you are using the SWC but that doesn't mean you need to duplicate everything from organization to what field kit each marine takes into battle. Even to their progression through the ranks... including the use of tamed jackals... far too much space wolf in this IA...

Beliefs:
- Interesting origin of the name... Anubis...
- Finally I understand the rename fully and can see it was justified... really shouldn't have had to read this far in to see the picture...

Gene-seed
- same old same old... “we are no better then our founders but neither are we worse off...” another disturbingly common trend... seems everyone glosses over the part where GW talks about hardly anyone has pure gene-seed anymore...


Alright final thoughts...

In my personal opinion when someone reads the history section of a chapter they should fully understand the basics of the chapter and have a fair grasp of who they are and why they do things. I don't believe that people should be forced to hunt down bits and pieces of information before they can see the full picture.

That said the extra sections should be used for additional material that is unnecessary (to the story of their birth to maturity) but still informative and to expand upon parts only touched on within the history section. This way people can gain an even greater understanding of the chapter without needing to read every part of it just to get a basic understanding.

I'd also like to reaffirm that this chapter has too much SWC and blatant Ancient Egypt vibes... that said I can't really help you much in how to tone down the SWC and AE stuff...

I think you have potential here for a pretty damn good chapter but as it stands all I see is eqyptian space wolves...

I really wish I had more helpful advice but I'm exhausted and need to sleep... I have work and a hyper 3 year old to contend with tomorrow...

Oh that SMP image is off screen for me and out of box... not sure how to fix that as I've never really messed with the posting of images yet...

- Mordray Darkblood

#15
Dark Apostle Thirst

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I have to say, I agree with the above post on the Space Wolves thing. From the copying of blood claws to wolf preists, the chapter should not so heavily be a reflection of space wolves.

Rewrite the orginization, and rename the sphinx to the jackal. Why would they have a sphinx when they could have a jackal anyway? And have the pyramid also be named something else, maybe the steps of the judges? Seeing as Anubis was supposed to be the judge of who was worthy to live in the good part of the afterlife? Or is that someone else? Throwing a little mayan would shake it up...

'whistles inconspicuously' 


#16
Sigismund Himself

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There really is a bit too much detail here, particularly on the homeworld. A lot could be cut out or put into a separate article. Remember that the IA is only meant to be the overview of your chapter and that you don't have to tell us every single thing in it :P

Coding wise, using captionright instead of rightsidebar would make the image fit better.

#17
Destaro

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Mordray: I'd like to clarify some things. From what I can tell, your major concerns included the following: presentation (hard to find pertinent pieces of information regarding the "feel" of the chapter), theme (you personally don't like an Egyptian inspired Chapter from a desert world), and chapter organization (details too similar to Space Wolves and critical of gene seed choice). Is that correct?

I'd like to offer some suggestions as opposed to just going haywire with a red pen:

1. Planet: A planet could be arid for a number of reasons. Perhaps, like the Space Wolves, they're planet is predominantly ice. The jackal can still be held in the same reverence and the majority of your background. On the other hand, the planet could have extremely greedy plant life that makes water a very valuable commodity. Maybe water isn't hard to come by at all, but fresh water is. Personally, I have no problems with am Egyptian desert theme but for the sake of discussion I thought some alternatives may be helpful.

2. Egyptian Theme: Generally speaking, I have no issues with your inspiration. Perhaps the names, Sphinx and Pyramid, are a bit cliche though. Since you developed some words based on the native culture (Emhre and Oaar), renaming these locations based on the native tongue seems reasonable.

3. Organization: I don't think you need to justify your use of the Space Wolves Codex. Some of the information presented appears to be just that. A brief explanation of the chapters penchant for close combat fighting and how Jackal Priests take the place of the Librarians, Chaplains, and Apothecaries should be sufficient. The taming of the jackals seems a little to close to the Space Wolves as well. Maybe they are mechanical as opposed to biological? Or maybe the Jackal Priests raise and train in the "Sphinx," hand selecting those who may ride them?

Honestly, I'm impressed with most of what you have. With some minor modifications, I think this could be really interesting. Compiling some of the more essential elements into a precise description and separating the more specific information into a different article might help to expresss the feel of the Sons of Anubis.

#18
Archon Yggrasil

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Just a few thoughts:

As Destaro said, homeworld doesn't have to be a desert world. How about a post-apocalyptic hive world, where the ash wastes have taken over and jackals are one of the few animals to have survived the harsh environment. The jackal becomes the strong survivor in that setting, worthy to be the avatar of a Space Marine chapter. Or a world of salt-flats were there are salt water seas and fresh water is scarce, salt-blindness (like snow-blindness) is a real problem, and being caught in a salt-storm is similar to a slug having salt poured on it - bad day!

I understand that because you are using the SW codex, you feel (at least mildly) compelled to explain why this chapter uses the equipment and military organization that it does; this seems unnecessary and unoriginal. You are clearly capable of letting your imagination fill in whatever blanks become apparent. Many chapters do not follow standard structure, and as long as your opponent knows that you are using the SW codex to represent your chapter during games, that's all that matters.

The combat doctrine section is fine, especially since you linked it back to the history and homeworld of the chapter. Nice job there. As stated before, you don't need to mirror SW in their company organization, 10 should be fine for you as it is for most chapters. On the other hand, they come from a a society of loosely affiliated tribes - why not have more than 12 companies? 20 companies of 50 men each perhaps? Point is, give them a different flavor than SW. Other than that, nice job so far and I look forward to seeing more.

-Yggrasil

#19
space wolf

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Thanks for the criticism guys, that's really what I was looking for. I'll make some modifications when it isn't so late. In the mean time, you gents have certainly given me something to ponder <_<
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

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#20
space wolf

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submitted updates
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#21
space wolf

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updated mostly beliefs and added some new sidebars. Please feel free to say anything you like, your criticism, only helps me make it better. ^_^
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog

#22
Dark Apostle Thirst

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Please feel free to say anything you like, your criticism, only helps me make it better. ^_^



Trust me, I know. I remember the Angels of Adamantium.... Ah, the original idea was madness, but it was so awesome, if only I had been able to make a good reason for it, had to comprimise though, and it made the chapter better in the end....

Sorry, but most people who write fluff here know what you mean.

'whistles inconspicuously' 


#23
Vaaish

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One thing that jumped out is your use of Lapis Lazuli... it's not really a color that you paint, it's more of a semi precious stone. Based on the color you are using in your IA, I'd say you are looking for blue-green or Turquoise.

#24
Ferrus Manus

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What does the 'v' stand for in ppmv? I'm assuming you mean 'parts per million v...' when talking about the gas mixture in Elnar VI's atmosphere. But I don't get the v, volume or something?
 
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#25
space wolf

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vaaish-you are correct sir. But I didn't want to use the word turqois. Its like saying their armor is "copper," its not really made of copper, that just happens to be the color. That being said, do you think that's too confusing?

Manus- you got most of it right Parts Per Million by Volume
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

- THE space wolf

Truescale Nightlords

My Nightlords Blog