24 replies to this topic

[Reyner]

Origins

Created in the 26th Founding, the Ghost Dragons are a young but eager Chapter and are desperate to prove themselves. Trained by a cadre of Salamanders Space Marines, they were taught to destroy their foes with purifying flame and plasma. They were also told of the importance of every Imperial citizen, for without the common people there is no Imperium. This mindset has made them heroes to many civilians in their home and nearby systems, for they know they will not be forsaken and used as bait. Unfortunately for the Ghost Dragons this belief in humanity has cost them; the 3rd Company was ravaged by Tyranids as they bought time for the evacuation to be completed on Arnok IV.

Homeworld

The Ghost Dragons have a homeworld located on the Eastern Fringe, to the galactic west of the Tau Empire. Their homeworld is in a solar system with 10 planets, Noverion is the 4th planet, a cold desolate world with a rich supply of minerals, but little else. Most of the other worlds are barren, lifeless rocks. Apart from the 8th planet Turian which is an Agri-world.

The surface of Noverion is covered in snow and ice with only three regions suitable for human settlement. The three regions are all isolated from each other by massive mountain ranges and glaciers. Travelling between the regions is practically impossible for the human populace due to the frequent avalanches and the dreadful beasts that roam the mountains.

The interaction between the Marines and the tribes of Noverion is common, throughout the year Marines will visit each tribe to expand their knowledge of metal work and keep an eye on potential recruits. At the end of the year, hopefuls will be gathered and subjected to many trials, which will test their physical and mental states and they will be judged by Chapter serfs who will select the best of the aspirants and take them on a perilous to the Ghost Dragons fortress-monastery. The surviving aspirants are submitted to further trials once they have made the gruelling expedition. One of the final tests is for each recruit to forge their own weapon in the Chapters forges, with the knowledge they should have learned from the weapon smiths of their settlements. Using the weapons they have made themselves the aspirants are sent back out of the fortress to survive as a team within the treacherous mountains.

The weapons forged by the aspirants are later passed on to their families, who proudly display them as a symbol that one of their own has gone to join the Emperor’s chosen.

Combat Doctrine

The Ghost Dragons fight like the beasts from which they claim their name. They will study their enemy, observing its strengths and strike suddenly from the skies. Scouts are almost solely used in this role and once they have transmitted their findings the marine commanding the strike force will make his decision and plan the assault. Thunderhawks and Drop Pods fall into the midst of the foe unleashing their cargo in enemy positions. The Ghost Dragons will not linger in an area for long after the enemy has been defeated. The Assault Squads are often the first into combat after the Scout Squads have wreaked as much havoc as possible behind enemy lines, the Assault marines will commonly use flamers to burn through as many of the foe as possible before a defence can be formed.
As the Scouts and Assault squads get stuck in Tactical marines and Devastators will be advancing with armoured support to mop up and engage the heavier defences that the assault squads would struggle to destroy like armour and fortifications.

Organisation

The Chapter follows the Codex Astartes and thus has ten companies; with the first being veterans, second to fifth being the battle companies, sixth to ninth being the reserves and the tenth consisting of the scouts. With the exception that each of the battle companies has four Tactical Squads, four Assault Squads and two Devastator Squads. When the Chapter was created it did follow the seven company structure that the Salamanders use but when the Chapter reached its homeworld it was reorganised to allow for a faster recruitment rate.

As the Chapter is still fairly young it does not possess many suits of the legendary Tactical Dreadnought Armour or Terminator armour as it is more commonly known. The Ghost Dragons make extensive use of Thunderhawks so they have a dedicated demi-company of Specialist pilots. There are also only a handful of Dreadnoughts in use, an example is the first Dreadnought sarcophagus used by former Captain Alten who was mortally wounded slaying an Iron Warriors Warsmith. The Masters of the Chapter fear that there may be many more Brothers entombed in the Dreadnought shells, as Tau incursions become ever more frequent and Tyranid splinter fleets roam through the Eastern Fringe.
Chapter Master Harmokan contrary to the way of the Salamanders is not the Captain of the first company and he lords over the Ghost Dragons with a near fanatical Honour Guard who accompany him at all times. Harmokan has revealed he has broken tradition because he claims to have been granted a vision by the Emperor that he will fall in battle leaving the Chapter to appoint their own Master after his death.

So far only one member of the Chapter has been inducted into the Deathwatch controlled by the Ordo Xenos; Brother Sedullon of the 3rd Company who went above and beyond the call of duty fighting the Tyranid menace on Arnok IV. The Chapter patiently wait for him to return and learn from his experience with the legendary organisation. During deployments alongside other Space Marine Chapters the Ghost Dragons have heard rumours of a mysterious brotherhood known as the Legio but they have not yet sent any of their brethren to join the alliance.

Chapter Master Telac Harmokan

Originally a member of the Salamanders; Harmokan was part of the cadre who trained the Ghost Dragons. When the Chapter was complete and ready for war the other members of the cadre returned to their Chapter but Harmokan decided he would stay and lead this new Chapter until he falls in battle. He built a new suit of Artificer Armour and had his old suit returned to Nocturne with his departing brothers.

Beliefs

The Ghost Dragons are humanitarian much like the Salamanders who trained them. Their belief in the manifest destiny of mankind leads them to see the citizens of the Imperium as its very lifeblood. When the Chapter enters a warzone one of their first directives is to find and protect any citizens of the Imperium. Some enemies have used this against them, such as the Iron Warriors, who once lured the 4th Company into a deadly killing zone after broadcasting fake distress calls. Captain Galvanon suffered a severe wound resulting in half of his head receiving Bionic replacement.
They respect the Emperor but do not worship him as a God as some Chapters do; the Emperor himself is human. The Ghost Dragons show the most reverence to the Primarch Vulkan. It was from him that their gene-seed was gifted and they see him as their spiritual leader and father.

The Chapter values their Librarians; they find them an extremely important asset to their fighting ability. Their skills of premonition can prevent disaster, and the destruction they can unleash is most impressive. The capability to teleport around the battlefield, then drown enemies in purifying flame are Chapter favourites.

History and knowledge is revered by the Chapter, they are curious about their Legions' activities in the Crusade and the Heresy. Upon joining the Chapter all history of an initiate is collected by the Librarians prior to receiving their first implants, such as their family history which is used to check for any ancestors who had previously joined the Chapter. Initiates whose family have previously given up a son to join the Ghost Dragons are pushed even harder in their training in order to live up to their heritage. In some cases Initiates with living relatives in the Chapter are placed in their Company, or in even rarer cases their squads. Many of the original members of the Chapter have fallen in battle, but they are never forgotten by the Chapter. Every warrior who was fallen in the Chapters name has his name inscribed on a great wall in the Reclusiam by the Captain of his Company.

Gene-seed

The Ghost Dragons Chapter was created using the gene-seed of the Salamanders; only very pure samples were used to avoid mutation. The Marines do not seem to have developed especially dark skin of that you see on the Salamanders, but this is likely because Noverion has nowhere near the radiation levels of Nocturne. All organs appear to be functional: the Marines can enter suspended animation, spit venom (however this is not commonly used), learn from eating dead creatures and the Ossmodula does not cause the bones to grow abnormally unlike the Black Dragons.

Battle Cry

“For the Emperor, Vulkan and Noverion!”

Edited by Reyner, 13 March 2012 - 03:01 PM.

[Brother Emund]

First thing first.... I love your lay out and the colours. Unfortunately, for some reason I cannot see one of them because the image will not load

Created in the 26th Founding, the Ghost Dragons are a young but eager Chapter and are desperate to prove themselves. Trained by a cadre of Salamanders Space Marines, they were taught to destroy their foes without mercy with purifying flame and plasma. They were also told of the importance of every Imperial citizen, for without the common people there is no Imperium.

Was there a reason why they were formed, or a purpose? Was it to hold back the Tau?
I am glad that they are taught to destroy their foes without mercy... cos they would be sort of pointless really!!

There has also been incidents with other Astartes, a famous example amongst the Ghost Dragons was when Captain Galvanon of the 4th Company punched an Iron Hands Clan Leader for ordering his men to fire into a panicking crowd of civilians.

Not such a good idea! Why have this in your intro, it shows a lack of disapline and respect and does not show your guys in a good light. Punching a Chaos Leader... now that's more like it (an Ultra... at a stretch)

The interaction between the Marines and the tribes of Noverion is common, throughout the year Marines will visit each tribe to teach them the art of blacksmithing and keep an eye on potential recruits.

Do they have to keep coming back to teach the art of blending metals, wouldn't a tribe have its own smithy? Or, are they just training the potential recruits?

Once the final test is completed the weapons are passed on to the families of the Initiates, who proudly display them as a symbol of the rite of passage within the chapter.

I like this part, it links the people to the Marines and gives them something to remember their lost sons by.

There have also been numerous reports of other enemy forces approaching. The Ghost Dragons are keen to defend their home and ensure other Imperial worlds close by do not fall.

Yep, that's their job!!

In response to this, two companies are sent on Crusades to intercept their foes while the rest of the Chapter build up their defences.

. Wow, that's a lot of Marines doing hard manual labour and not out there cracking skulls!!

The Battle Companies fight on a rotation, two companies will leave Noverion at a time and offer their fighting capability in other sectors of the Imperium. The two “Crusading” Companies will fight their own battles but as a precaution they will not stray to far away from each other.

A wee bit confusing here... these are the 2 Companies that are out 'Crusading' or offering their services to other sectors???

The Chapter quickly retaliated; sending the bulk of their Battle Companies to the planets aid. The first, second and third companies were sent to the surface to defend against the advancing Tau forces. The fourth and fifth companies remained in space and conducted boarding assaults against the enemy fleet. On the surface of Turian the Tau were deadly.

What happened to the 2 'Crusading' companies?

Several members of the Chapter have been inducted into the Deathwatch controlled by the Ordo Xenos

Is there a reason for this, do your marines show a higher level of psykic ability than normal?

5th Company under Captain Fearon: Last heard to have engaged a sizeable force of Iron Warriors several light years away from the warp anomaly known as the Maelstrom. Feared to be badly mauled after a distress signal was received from Brother-Librarian Mardon.
Message contained: “Traitors Engaged... massive enemy contact... assistance required... hundreds of traitor marines! We are falling back to...”

I take it that this is one of your crusading Companies? Why arn't the rest of the Chapter out there assisting their brothers who are obviously in peril... confusing?

The Ghost Dragons are humanitarian much like the Salamanders who trained them. Their belief in the manifest destiny of mankind leads them to see the citizens of the Imperium as its very lifeblood. When the Chapter enters a warzone one of their first directives is to find and protect any citizens of the Imperium.

Yep, again, that is one of their prime directives (excuse the pun)

They respect the Emperor but do not worship him as a God as many Chapters do, after all the Emperor is a human.

Heresy! Call for the Inquisition!!!

The Ghost Dragons show the most respect to the primarch Vulkan. It was from him that their geneseed was gifted and they see him as their spiritual leader and father.

How do they view the beloved Emperor?

History and knowledge is revered by the Chapter, they are curious about their Legions' activities in the Crusade and the Heresy. The Marines are also taught to not abandon their past lives. Upon joining the Chapter all records of the initiates are collected by the Librarians, such as their family history which is used to check for any ancestors who had previously joined the Chapter. Initiates whose family have previously given up a son to join the Ghost Dragons are pushed even harder in their training in order to live up to their heritage. In some cases Initiates with living relatives in the Chapter are placed in their Company, or in even rarer cases their squads.

Someone can correct me on this, but I believe that during the process of making the recruits into marines, they lose most of their memories of their past lives and families, and tend to harden up their emotions. Not many (if any) ever return home to visit the relatives... so-to-speak!

The Marines do not seem to have developed especially dark skin of that you see on the Salamanders, but this is likely because Noverion has nowhere near the radiation levels of Nocturne.

Could it be because they are from an ice planet so their skin is likely to be fair anyway?

At the start of a battle Chaplains will bellow "What we do in life!" which will be answered by all other marines shouting "Echoes in eternity!”

No, no! It was all going fine until they all decided to become Roman soldiers!!!

Very minor points for you to have a look at... but apart from that it's OK. Good luck!

Edited by Brother Emund, 30 December 2009 - 09:58 PM.

[Ace Debonair]

Chapters can't be founded for fighting the tau. The Tau weren't a threat until after the most recent founding.

Most chapters don't revere The Emperor as a God.

Fighting between chapters is frowned upon, particulary an upstart 26th founding chapter leader punching a guy from one of the original loyalist legions.

How come a chapter trained by Salamanders and descended from the Salamanders is using a Codex organisation pattern?
The Salamanders had less companies, each with larger numbers of marines, as do many of their successors, so some explanation might be required here.

Other than that, not bad.

[Grand Master Tyrak]

Aside from the points already mentioned,

There has also been incidents with other Astartes, a famous example amongst the Ghost Dragons was when Captain Galvanon of the 4th Company punched an Iron Hands Clan Leader for ordering his men to fire into a panicking crowd of civilians.

Great. You've picked a fight with a First Founding Chapter (due to their political clout the authorities will come down much harder on you than on them), and you've decided that you can alter the 40k universe at will and cast the Iron Hands as bad guys.

Casualties in the boarding actions had been thankfully light with just a handful of Marines dying.

Wow. Sounds like the Damocles Gulf Crusade would have been a walkover if your Chapter had been there! This is MISS.

By the end of the space battle the Ghost Dragons had lost a Strike Cruiser and two others were badly damaged. The Tau fleet on the other hand had lost their carrier and three battleships.

The Codex prevents the Astartes from being the uber-Imperial Navy. In fact it enforces the opposite state of affairs. You have not got ships that specialise in space combat (deliberately so), so you are never going to do as well as the organisation that does specialise in space combat. This is MISS.

After all he had seen how the Tau military reacted during the Damocles Gulf Crusade, he would not put his men through this brutal meat grinder alone.

As an Astartes commander, you shouldn't think about putting your men into a meat grinder at all.

At the start of a battle Chaplains will bellow "What we do in life!" which will be answered by all other marines shouting "Echoes in eternity!”

With Ridley Scott recording the event for posterity?

[Reyner]

Thanks for your time people. Apologies for it being not as good as many other IAs dotted about. I've removed the main offending parts people have really disliked and will figure something else out in the mean time.


@Brother Emund: I'll take what you suggested into account

@Ace: The Salamanders Chapter has 7 Companies to reflect the largest human settlements (something along those lines) on Nocturne, I haven't seen anything from Games Workshop that would suggest their Successors follow suit though? Good point about the Tau too. I'll change it to Tyranids or something else nasty moping around the Eastern Fringe.

@Tyrak: Seems I downright offended you from the start


Again thanks for your time people, if anyone has suggestions on what to do with already mentioned "smeggy bits" and other alternatives I'm happy to hear. (About the battlecry... I've always loved that quote and the film and just thought it sounded win. So if you really disliked my use of it I again apologise, what would you suggest instead?)

[Ace Debonair]

Oops, you might have got the wrong end of the stick here.

I doubt very much that any of us are offended by what you've written.
I've certainly read much worse in my time here!

But, as a critic, it's easier for me to highlight mistakes than praise all the bits I like, and I think this goes for everyone else.

It's best to take everything on here with a pinch of salt - very rarely does anyone say anything here maliciously.

Incidentally, Tyranids turned up after the 26th founding too.
You could always fight Orks to start with; they're just about everywhere at every time.
Besides, you can easily move on to Tau after that.

It's also more likely that Salamander Successors would follow the proud traditions of their parent legion as much as possible, as opposed to the teachings of someone else.
It's not impossible for your boys to follow the codex, but just a line or two saying why (perhaps they have seen other chapters fight superbly using it's company structure, or something?) would help reinforce the choice to go codex.

For my part, I quite liked the battlecry, taken from a film or not.
Tying it into the chapter's beliefs could be interesting.

(Side-note: that colour scheme is way cool. Very nice.)

[Reyner]

I thought as much Ace no idea why I thought to take it that way to be honest .
Hmm not a bad idea about the Orks! I've never really thought about them... I did used to have some old farty fluff about my Chapter battling an Iron Warriors Grand Company but I guess they are on the wrong end of the galaxy to claim that's why they were founded.

I did think about having these guys follow suit with slightly-non Codex organisation, as I have already thought about changing the First Company. This change would be minor as I would only be naming their Captain as Chapter Master but that makes me think how Honour Guard would fall into the Chapter...

I will get onto working the battlecry into the Chapter's beliefs soon as it is a good point If they're a 26th Founding chapter they will want to shine for the bigger boys.

Thanks for the compliment on the colour scheme too They have been changed several times since they were originally made up (On the first Dawn of War game as a clan colour scheme of all things!!)

[Grand Master Tyrak]

@Tyrak: Seems I downright offended you from the start

Not really, you were just last on my list of Chapters to read through for the day, so I just waded straight in. No offence intended.

[Wildfire]

Just a thought, but I'd swap planets in their system. Doesn't make a lot of sense for the further out world to be a lush agri world, while the close in one is an ice world.

Also, why have a specific enemy at all? It seems with all the changing about (Iron Warriors to Tau to Tyranids to Orks), it's not really a firm part of your plan. Don't feel like you have to have an arch-enemy as a reason for the chapter to have been created.

[Reyner]

Good point about the planets

[Ace Debonair]

Large winged beasts with a deadly breath of fire, razor sharp talons used to climb the highest of mountains and jaws capable of crushing Power Armour with horrifying ease. From this the space marines claim their name. These reptiles will affix themselves to the snow blasted mountains for days waiting for potential prey. With their scaly hides as white as snow it makes them almost invisible to the human eye, as they spy on their victims from a distance. Once the Dragon has made its choice, it will release itself from the vantage point and silently dive. As it approaches its helpless victim, it terrifies them with a roar so deep that it freezes the unsuspecting critter to the spot, from here on it may burn them alive. The only slight warning if any at all, is the heavier snow fall as the beast moves shaking off the accumulated snow as it swoops towards its target.

Uh... you don't tell us what the name of these dragons is until the next paragraph.

Critter? Until just now you were saying how the dragon can kill humans and crush power armour - do you really count your marines and their ilk as critters?

Also, why do initiates, in the forging of a bladed weapon, get given a bolt pistol?
It's probably heavy, but it won't do the work of a hammer. Unless they have to hunt their own food while forging, it doesn't really make a lot of sense. At least, not to me.

With regards to the battlecry, I don't think you have to change it, but it doesn't tie into the chapter as it stands. Giving your chapter something in their belief system in which that phrase can be used realistically will make it a more serious, sensible choice.

That aside, good stuff.
Keep it up!

(Ace's Iron Gauntlet Constructive Criticism - 3/20 )

[Reyner]

Done

Still working out how I can get the battlecry to fit into the belief system. Something along the lines of the Chapter wanting to make a name for themselves? How they act will shape the very future...

I'm a bit frazzled out today so thinking is hard, bloody Uni assignment >_<

[Ace Debonair]

It doesn't have to be too complex.

You could have them make a pronounced effort to emulate heroes of the Imperium in battle and so forth.
Then again, all Astartes have the potentialto be heroes of the Imperium, so I don't know.

Perhaps they could just have an overwhelming sense of destiny - one day soon perhaps their actions will lead to true victory.
But if you do this, make sure it's presented in such a way that the chapter firmly believes it, but you, the writer, remain unconvinced.
Otherwise it might seem a bit overstated.

In any case, best of luck with this.

[Reyner]

Thank you Ace I'll get something figured out within the hour (once I finish this University Assignment, god I loathe databases )

[Ace Debonair]

No need to rush, amigo.

Take your time, and develop the ideas as much as possible.
I've learned that is a much, much better way of working. Besides, you have basically got four months to finish this, don't forget.

[The Nephilim]

I've read your IA and like it alot. I don't have much in the way of commnetary at the moment, I'm getting wore out reading all of these. I like your ideas. When I read yours, I didn't feel like I was reading ANOTHER IA entry. Good job.

[Reyner]

Thank you *epic smile*

[VENGEANCE]

What we do in life, echoes an eternity

Did you get that from Gladiator? If so, good thinking it's an excellent line and I can imagine Russel Crowe in Power Armour telling the legions of Marines behind him those words. As for the background, despite it being brief compared to others, it's clear, concise and informative and I understood and connected to it very well. It seems like a very good army you've got here, even though they're willing to get massacred by tyranids to help humans.

[Reyner]

Yeah I shamelessly took that line from Gladiator. Love that film!

Thanks for the comment and I will try get some more into the background, just finding writing this a bit difficult at the moment.

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

Hey fella, I'm just wondering if there is any major crowbar between the GD and the Salamanders? It kind of reads at the minute like a (albeit with a very nice colour scheme) carbon copy with little seperation between the two.

I think you need to provide us with something that culturally seperates the GD from their parent, otherwise it's tricky to see them as a Chapter in their own right.

[Reyner]

Yeah I've been struggling with this for a while. I'm going to change their Organisation to move them away from Salamanders, was also thinking how I could add in some resentment of the GDs to their Chapter Master... Like they're are plotting to reorganise and cut down on the self-sacrifice when he passes on as they are getting sick of dying for peasants?

Thanks for the compliment on the scheme by the way.

edit: I could stick something into the combat doctrine suggesting the Dragons prefer quick engagements (like with land speeders, assault squads).

Edited by Reyner, 13 January 2011 - 03:57 PM.

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

To me the big difference between a Dragon and a Salamander is definately the wings.

[Reyner]

Good point. Edited a few parts of the first post, I still need to work on their Beliefs, maybe tweak their Organisation and Combat Doctrine some more. Desperately need to put more work into their Origins.

Edited by Reyner, 13 January 2011 - 05:14 PM.

[Grandmaster_Joshua]

Reyner,

Like your chapter's heraldry/livery (though, so many SM chapters wearing white this season... however do you manage to wash off the blood... to say nothing of grass & chocolate... Stupid stains!).

The '... echoes in eternity' battle-cry works well, as their continued close ties to their communities would likely mean that the civvies would create statues, plaques, songs, and (depending on how kitchy they get) commemorative plates, thus echoing in eternity, what their heroes have done in life. (My only gripe is that you've already claimed 'For the Emperor, Vulkan and Noverion!' as well as 'What we do in life, echoes in eternity!' C-mon, man, you can't Bogart ALL the battle-cries! If you so much as try to also take Cartman's 'Respect my authoritaw!' then MY chapter master will be the one punching YOUR chapter master... Stupid internecine conflicts!)

A number of posts have pointed out that the Sals have 7 companies, but that's only because Nocturne has 7 'settlements.' I think the key takeaway is that each 'settlement' in your system would be tied directly to its 'own' company (hence, you might want more than 3 settlements). Think 'community policing,' rather than being the local army of occupation, and you won't go too far wrong. (As a Sal/BA player, it breaks my heart to sacrifice my marines, to save some population that the Inquisition is only going to exterminate anyway, because one or two of them saw a Grey Knight walk by... Stupid Ordo Malleus!)

Anyway, good job at creating your own chapter, and take any constructive criticism for what it is. We're all battle-brothers, and can certainly use all the help we can get, out here on the eastern fringe! (Stupid Nids/Tau/Orks!)

[Reyner]

Thanks for the reply, I have been trying to rethink the whole battle-cry as its pretty poor at the moment. I haven't thought much about the organisation for a while. Orignally there was 7 Companies then 10 then back to 7 so I may just leave it at 10 to comply with the Codex and make it easier to write up. I may try and expand their recruitment to several other worlds in their home system just to make it more feasible. That could also create some rivalries between marines from different planets or even have companies from each world staying together...

edit: I really like your idea about the communities building statues and remembering the marines.

Edited by Reyner, 11 August 2011 - 10:58 AM.