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IA: Archangels Chapter


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#1
Maleagant

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Origins


An ancient and venerable chapter, the Archangels have a long and bloody history that dates back to the Fourth Founding. Created in the aftermath of the galaxy spanning War of the Beast, the Archangels were created to help pacify the ongoing conflicts in the aftermath of the enormous Ork Waagghh that ravaged the Imperium.

Modelled much like their cousins, The Disciples of Caliban, the Archangels are a fleet-based chapter and have earned a fearsome reputation in notable conflicts throughout Ultima Segmentum and beyond. The Archangels were tasked with pushing deep into the Ultima Segmentum and eradicating any Ork forces that existed outside of the Charadon sector.

Pursuing and destroying Ork remnants north of the Charadon Sector took decades but eventually led the Archangels fleet to the edge of the Segmentum – that dark and menacing void known as the Ghoul Stars, where the Psychic Beacon weakens and aggressive xenos species launch forays into the Imperium.

Once the Ork threat was reduced, the Archangels were free to pursue “secondary agendas” – the first of which was to locate and capture a small cadre of The Fallen that were rumored to be operating just within the edge of the Ghoul Stars region. Having been chosen from amongst the Dark Angels’ Inner Circle, the Archangels first Chapter Master Sariel knew what was expected of him and his recently founded “Unforgiven” successor Chapter.

The Fallen known as Agraxtes and his traitorous brethren were eventually located, captured, interrogated and destroyed but not before disrupting the slumber of something ancient on an unnamed world deep within the Ghoul Stars. This “trespass” would have ramifications for the Archangels which would not be known for centuries. Necrons had been awoken and the Archangels would pay for their insolence.




Chapter Fleet


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The Archangels have a rather large chapter fleet which easily rivals some Imperial Navy fleets. Such a large fleet was warranted due to the vast operational area that the Archangels were charged with securing. Their massive Chapter-barque, “The Indomitable” is larger than either a standard Chapter barge or Retribution class battleship.

“The Indomitable” was at one time nearly destroyed by a large Necron armada and crash-landed on a world in the Angelius System located to the south of the Ghoul Stars. Though the massive warship was repairable, this event would change the Archangels’ modis-operandi for at least a few centuries by forcing them to adopt and defend the populated worlds of the Angelius and other nearby systems.
The Archangels fleet continued operations throughout the Ultima Segmentum, but always returned to Fortis-Angelius when necessary to rearm and refit their vessels.

Continued forays and minor crusades into the Ghoul Stars to exterminate hostile xenos gradually picked up in pace, but without the constant presence of “The Indomitable”, the Archangels vessels always eventually returned to Fortis-Angelius.

For several centuries “The Indomitable” served as their Fortress Monastery on Fortis-Angelius. But even after “The Indomitable” was space-worthy once again, the Archangels continued to view Fortis-Angelius as their home port. Fortis-Angelius was the Archangels “life-blood” for millennia.

The Archangels’ fleet was large enough to simultaneously pursue operations into the Ghoul Stars, defend their Angelius System and send a small flotilla to aid the beleaguered Crimson Fists when the Orks of the Charadon Empire smashed Rynn’s World. The Archangels were instrumental in the campaign to retake the Loki sector from the Orks, and to this day, help to contain the Orks within the boundaries of the Charadon Sector.

The Archangels recruited from worlds in the Angelius system to replenish their ranks whenever necessary, but all that came to an end once the Cicatrix Maledictum tore across the galaxy, consuming the Angelius system and destroying any infrastructure the Archangels had built there.



Angelius System


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When the Archangels’ fleet first arrived in the Angelius System, auto-scribes noted that Fortis-Angelius, was a typical Class-M planet, with several continents and large oceans teeming with life. The majority of the planet was quite hot and tropical with high humidity. The polar caps were comparatively small but tropical rainstorms, which pummeled the planet during its 6 Terran month-long winter, help to stabilize the climate of Fortis-Angelius at the expense of massive flooding in many regions of the planet. Fortis-Angelius was home to many species of large reptilian carnivores which roamed the plains and jungles and preyed upon those unlucky enough to be caught out in the wilds.

Though the population was small and quite backwards by Imperial Standards, they were, never-the-less, loyal to the Imperium. The cities and towns of Fortis-Angelius were protective bastions which, though spartan in appearance, functioned effectively well.

The other planets within the Angelius System provided many other crucial resources. Raw minerals, pure water, rare and exotic gasses and bizarre foodstuffs could all be exported throughout the Ultima Segmentum from the worlds in the Angelius System.

The Angelius System and two nearby smaller, “sister systems” were located to the south of the Ghoul Stars. Though all were populated systems, they were all some distance apart from each other. With the arrival of the Archangels Chapter, this collection of systems became controlled by navigator and trade households and were united and protected by the Archangels through the millennia.

The several habitable worlds that were maintained by the Archangels became quite civilized. Some having developed sprawling hive-cities and minor manufactoriums while others were agri-worlds which exported necessary foodstuffs.

All of the populations seemed to share a common and ancient Terran heritage of Albian ancestry. Though competitive by nature, all of the populated worlds regarded the Archangels’ presence with utmost esteem.

Many prominent households sponsored annual tournaments, the victors of which were taken by the Archangels as initiates. Though the winning of such a challenge was by no means assurance that the aspirant would complete the testing and training necessary to become an Astartes, the rigorous training by the competitors weeded out many who wouldn’t succeed the Archangel’s initiation rituals to begin with.



The Destruction


When the Cicatrix Maledictum “event” occurred, a large Warp-tear consumed one of the two smaller inhabited systems near the Angelius System. The massive gravitational disturbance flung planets in the Angelius System into one another. Daemons appeared and ravaged the surviving populations on other worlds which were not consumed by the Warp or destroyed outright.

The destruction was so fast and so complete that there was nothing the Archangels could do except to try to save what they could and flee. Everything the Archangels had known for millennia was gone.

The Archangels fleet regrouped and took stock of their fleet assets, troop dispositions and chapter resources – and as ever, vowed to continue the fight.



Organization


There is nothing that stands out as truly unique about the organization of the Archangels. Due to the vast size of their chapter fleet, Archangels’ task forces tend to be quite autonomous and can operate for extended periods with little contact with the rest of the chapter. Most task forces are made up of demi-companies supported by elements of the 1st, 2nd and 10th companies.

As one of The Unforgiven chapters, they are organized exactly as the Dark Angels. Though their first company dons silver colored terminator armor, they are structured identically to the Deathwing. The Archangels second company wear the regular chapter livery but also follow the same structure as the Dark Angels’ Ravenwing.



Combat Doctrine


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Planetary Assaults - The Archangels have always preferred to let their massive fleet weaponry do most of the serious work of pummeling their foes from orbit. After prolonged bombardment, the Archangels will then employ ground forces to mop up. Criticized as being heavy-handed at times, this doctrine has served the Archangels well for millennia but only recently has become a necessity.

When deploying their ground forces, the Archangels prefer to make extensive use of Land Raiders, Razorbacks transported by Thunderhawk Transporters. Dreadnoughts arrive by drop pod and pummel the enemy from behind their lines as the Land Raiders and Razorbacks race forward. First Company Terminators are then teleported onto the surface to decapitate enemy leadership assets or seize a vital objective. Due to dwindling replacements, Astartes squads tend to be small but flexible and armed with a multitude of melta and plasma weaponry.

Space Combat – Ship to ship combat seems to be a forte of the Archangels. They excel at boarding actions by employing Caestus Assault Rams and Boarding Torpedoes after intense bombardment by Archangels’ vessels. Teleport homers are rapidly placed by boarding Astartes and First Company Terminator squads appear inside to quickly overwhelm and subdue the enemy.

The Archangels rely heavily upon their Librarius and Navis Nobilitae assets. Operating such a vast fleet over such a large expanse often at the edge of the Segmentum has taught the Archangels how to operate, navigate and communicate efficiently despite being cut-off from the Psychic Beacon at times. Nearly every task force includes a number of Librarians who are critical to prosecuting successful operations at the edge of the Ultima Segmentum.



Beliefs


The Archangels are virtuous and noble and utterly unflinching in their duty to defend the Imperium of Man. The Archangels feel that the mission of defending the Imperium comes before all else. Even hunting The Fallen takes a back-seat to campaigns the Archangels may be prosecuting.

Perhaps it is their unflinching devotion to the Imperium that allays any suspicion Inquisitorial investigators have towards them as one of The Unforgiven chapters. But the Archangels do adhere rigidly to The Unforgiven structure and do partake in missions alongside their parent Dark Angels Chapter to hunt The Fallen even if only rarely so.

The destruction of their Home-port has left an indelible mark on the psyches of the Archangels. Though considered lucky by many to have survived with most of their Chapter assets intact, the Archangels have become even more dour and determined to pursue the Emperor’s foes. Interrogator- Chaplains have had to increase their spiritual ministrations to ensure that newer recruits blend as seamlessly as possible within the Archangels’ ranks due to an element of mistrust that has begun to emerge between veteran Archangels recruited from the Angelius systems and newer recruits which have come from other source planets. This is especially true of the newly created Primaris Astartes.

The Inner Circle of the Archangels is grappling with the notion of allowing Primaris officers, whose gene-stock was created/manipulated on Mars, into their Inner Circle. This mistrust is not the same as that that exists between Techmarines, who are trained on Mars, and thus are prohibited from ever being allowed within the Inner Circle. With Primaris officers, they are created and trained by Archangels, as Archangels. They are not sent to Mars. The indoctrination is the same as with all other Archangels - so at the moment, there is no reason for the Archangels' Inner Circle to prohibit an officer of sufficient rank from being allowed in.



Gene-seed


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As with most Dark Angels successor chapters, the Archangels have near flawless gene-seed. Typical characteristics are the dour, grim faced aspects shared by most of the Dark Angels kin. Millennia of recruiting from within the Angelius system has fostered a sense of honor and humility not found in many chapters today. However, some aspects of traditional Archangels’ values seem to be slipping since being forced to recruit from new worlds spread throughout the Ultima Segmentum.

With the galaxy virtually ripped in two by the Cicatrix Maledictum, the destruction of their home-port of Fortis-Angelius and corruption of nearby systems has compelled the Archangels to accept the newly established Primaris gene-stock technology, but a lack of raw recruits has caused the Archangels to have only a handful of operational Primaris units.

Though the Archangels maintain their complete stock of geneseed, the years since the Warp-Scar has seen the Archangels struggle to find enough suitable initiates which, in turn, hampers the overall effectiveness of the Archangels Chapter. The “Battle Companies” are kept at full strength, but the reserve companies are dwindling in numbers with an inadequate number of replacements for their losses.



Battle Cries


“We are the angels who conquer the stars,
We are the Astartes who wage the Emperor’s wars,
We smite, with righteous anger, the Emperor’s foes!”

"Dulce et decorum est pro Imperium mori!"
It is fitting and proper to die for the Imperium!



Edited by Maleagant, 04 October 2017 - 08:14 PM.


#2
Lysimachus

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Nice start, Maleagant! Very nice scheme too!

few points to think about:

first, the font you're using makes it a little hard to read, might be better to stick to the standard one?

they bear responsibility for a horrific calamity which endangers the existence of the entire Imperium.


I assume this refers to the warp rift? Perhaps this is a little bit of an exaggeration? Perhaps Sector, even Segmentum would be better.


After months of investigating the catastrophe, reviewing engagement holovids, bridge communications and interrogations of traitorous prisoners, it was concluded that the Angelics’ explosion was actually the culmination of a sorcerous ritual which would not only cause tremendous casualties amongst the Arch Angels, but also allow the heretical captain of the Angelic to ascend as a major demon in the Warp.


This could do with expanding, maybe look at the motivations of the traitor Captain a bit more?


Homeworld section.
The pic you've got makes it look like all the planets are crammed into one system? Possible but more likely they'd be spread over several systems around the edge of the rift. Also, the Chapter doesn't have to control all those planets (the Ultras are very rare in that, and get away with it because they're 1st Founding and uber!), just say that they consider them under their protection, could recruit from all of them too.


Beliefs.
Worth mentioning that the Adeptus Sororitas didn't properly exist at the time of the AoA, they were created shortly afterwards to get around the law that was passed after Vandire was deposed that the Ecclesiarchy was not allowed to have 'men under arms'


anyway, good start, keep going!

Lysimachus

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Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 13 January 2010 - 07:50 AM.


#3
InquisitorHayn

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First thing, kudos on a job well done. Second, it is 3 a.m. here and I'm beyond tired so I'm sorry if I miss things. I will re-read this later and give it the attention it deserves. As it stands now, though, one thing jumped out at me. It's the arrangement of your planets. The two Agri-Worlds are the furthest planets from the sun while the ice planet is the third closest...

Anyways, that's me pointing out the least influential detail in your IA.
QUOTE (Ace Debonair @ Oct 9 2011, 10:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it's really limiting someone's creativity when we point out, for instance, that a chapter of Tau-worshipping marines who are secretly really necrons with jetpacks built into their feet kills any believability more effectively than an exterminatus to the face.



#4
Solomon de Gravier

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This is kind of ironic. I was thinking to changing my chapters name to the Archangels and then saw this IA :wacko: Good name :blink:
Ah, signatures. What use really is a signature but a form of distacting it's reader so that they do not fully read the posts of the member whose signature is distracting them therefore creating a vicious circle of misunderstanding wherein none have any clue about the subject of which they are reading prompting them to post stupid comments with no reference whatsoever to the original post. Such ignorance should be avoided lest we fall into a period of decay where no good comment can be found. Such an occassion could tear this very forum from it's boundries and ...hang on, get back to reading my post!

#5
space wolf

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I agree with Lysimachus, the Ultras are special, no other first founding chapter controls territory as large as Ultramar. (A point this old wolf finds annoying ;) ) The part about the traitor captain certainly needs to be expanded. why did he turn traitor? what was his overall goal? Moreover, is this well known, or do the archangels keep it a secret? After all the DA are very secretive about that sort of thing, so why not others; the inquisition is not picky about who they deem tainted.
Its, "space wolf," not "Space Wolf," or "SPACE WOLF," or "spacewolf" I'm the only Astartes cool enough to spell his name without capital letters! But if you're feeling decorous, you may add a "THE" in front of it.

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#6
Maleagant

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Thank you for your valid points. Your help and encouragement is much appreciated!

Edited by Maleagant, 13 January 2010 - 10:52 PM.


#7
Ferrata

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The Arch Angels have a long and bloody history that dates back to the Third Founding. One of the many progeny Chapters that came from the Ultramarines geneseed, the Arch Angels are every bit as loyal and faithful to the Imperial cause as their brother Ultramarines, though they bear responsibility for a horrific calamity which endangers the existence of the entire Imperium.

I actually sighed when I read that. There is no-way that the Imperium was threatened by something your chapter caused and is able, single handedly, to defend against. It takes 20 dedicated chapters to defend the Eye of Terror and they call for back up. It takes the Ultramarines and a handful of other chapters to hold off against the Tyranids. The rift in your story might trouble a sector, but not the entire Imperium. Tone it down.

Surely TDA that has been on a daemon world for centuries would have become tainted and unwearable? The Imperium is very strict on the idea of wearing anything warp-tainted.

During the Age of Apostasy, the Astartes as a whole remained quiet until the end. There is a little bit of lee-way during the end of the campaign, and maybe some under-hand tactics, but no Astartes chapter went fullout war against Vandire. Have a quick read of the Imperial Castellans in my sig to read another chapter that went into combat with Vandire eventually.

Like others have said, vast tracts of space under the command of a chapter are a rarity. In the latest codex, it seemed to suggest that is was becoming more common but nothing on the scale of the Ultramarines. Maybe these systems could owe some debt to the chapter but the chapter has no direct control over them.

#8
Maleagant

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See updated version below!

Edited by Maleagant, 22 January 2010 - 01:17 AM.


#9
Master Exorcist

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I quite like your concept, the white helmets bring DA deathwing to mind but it is different enough to not be a copy. The chapter also does not conflict with any canon as far as im aware. Would the traitor Daemon Prince be the highest priority or more of an obsessive hobby? (would they do anything to kill him, or only pursue him when they can afford to?)


my 2 cents

ME

#10
Grand Master Tyrak

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Today, the Arch Angels Chapter maintains its patrol over a vast sea of space surrounding the Ultima Tormentia known as the Realm of Angelius. Though much smaller than Ultramar, the realm of the Ultramarines, Angelius is a shining example of efficiency, beauty and production

Like the Ultramarines, the Arch Angels hold dominion over a large realm of space known as the Realm of Angelius.


MISS (Me, I'm So Super!). Like it or not, you're not one of the Chapters of Legend. If your Chapter has this much, why haven't GW ever mentioned them?

Angelius boasts several Imperial Guard home worlds, several agri-worlds, 3 hive worlds, 2 water worlds and a massive forge world complete with an Imperial Titan Legion.


Way to much awesomeness here (plus a bit of Deus ex Mechanicus). On the forge-world point, you just don't need it. The AdMech to door-to-door delivery anyway, and it's got a Titan Legion. There are much better places to pick as your homeworld, places that don't have these kind of defences.
How would it have worked if the original creation of the Astartes Chapters went something like this:
"Then Roboute Guilliman decreed that the Astartes would be split into a thousand Chapters of a thousand Marines each, to better protect the widely spread Imperium. And lo, the Chapters decided that the Imperium would be best protected by parking every last Marine on the great fortress that was Terra. And the citizens of the Imperium praised them with great cries of "<deleted by the Inquisition>?!?"."

It just doesn't make sense. That and the whole "nearby forgeworld" (Deus ex Mechanicus) thing is rather overdone.

The Arch Angel’s home world of Fortis-Angelius is a massive planet (nearly 10 times the size of Terra).


At first glance it seems MISS, but on it's own I think it works.

This is followed by Terminators teleporting onto their objectives supported by Dreadnoughts and marine squad which have plummeted to the field in drop pods.


That should be "Marine squads".

Vandire's retribution was quick and brutal as the forces of the Ecclesiarchy tore their way through the worlds of Angelius.


The forces of the Ecclesiarchy were lost in the Storm of the Emperor's Wrath ;) . Is this before or after the emergence of Sebastian Thor?

and are very leery about Imperial or Ecclesiachy officials prying too closely into their affairs.


Wary? They should be too - the Ecclesiarchy agreed not to in the case of all Chapter homeworlds.

Edited by Grand Master Tyrak, 14 January 2010 - 10:17 AM.

"Be an Inquisition informer, betray your friends and family - Fabulous Prizes to be Won!"


#11
Ferrata

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Mod Post: Do not start a new thread about your chapter when the first one is still active. Also, your signatures are too big, you can have one or the other, but not both - Thankyou.

#12
Plague Angel

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Random, perhaps not very helpful comment that's nagging at me: why do you break the name up into two words? Personally, since it's "Arch Angels" instead of "Archangels," I instinctively read it as being pronounced like "arch" instead of "ark."

#13
Maleagant

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Random, perhaps not very helpful comment that's nagging at me: why do you break the name up into two words? Personally, since it's "Arch Angels" instead of "Archangels," I instinctively read it as being pronounced like "arch" instead of "ark."



To be honest, I've never really thought about it. I've seen it spelled as both one word and two....but now that I checked it in a dictionary...you're correct...it's only one word!

Thanks!

#14
Solomon de Gravier

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How do people make pictures of planets? I've really wanted to do that for my chapter but don't know how!
Ah, signatures. What use really is a signature but a form of distacting it's reader so that they do not fully read the posts of the member whose signature is distracting them therefore creating a vicious circle of misunderstanding wherein none have any clue about the subject of which they are reading prompting them to post stupid comments with no reference whatsoever to the original post. Such ignorance should be avoided lest we fall into a period of decay where no good comment can be found. Such an occassion could tear this very forum from it's boundries and ...hang on, get back to reading my post!

#15
Maleagant

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How do people make pictures of planets? I've really wanted to do that for my chapter but don't know how!


There's a cool site I lije called Terra Nova...
http://www.fourmilab.../terranova.html

but there are others too...and suns can be done using the lens flare filter in photoshop!

#16
Maleagant

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Ferrata,
The Arch Angels have a long and bloody history that dates back to the Third Founding. One of the many progeny Chapters that came from the Ultramarines geneseed, the Arch Angels are every bit as loyal and faithful to the Imperial cause as their brother Ultramarines, though they bear responsibility for a horrific calamity which endangers the existence of the entire Imperium.

I actually sighed when I read that. There is no-way that the Imperium was threatened by something your chapter caused and is able, single handedly, to defend against. It takes 20 dedicated chapters to defend the Eye of Terror and they call for back up. It takes the Ultramarines and a handful of other chapters to hold off against the Tyranids. The rift in your story might trouble a sector, but not the entire Imperium. Tone it down.

I agree - toned way down!

Surely TDA that has been on a daemon world for centuries would have become tainted and unwearable? The Imperium is very strict on the idea of wearing anything warp-tainted.

I agree - fixed

During the Age of Apostasy, the Astartes as a whole remained quiet until the end. There is a little bit of lee-way during the end of the campaign, and maybe some under-hand tactics, but no Astartes chapter went fullout war against Vandire. Have a quick read of the Imperial Castellans in my sig to read another chapter that went into combat with Vandire eventually.

I have to disagree with you on this point. Your Imperial Castellans story is a good one, but like mine, is just a story. What is canon however, is page 4 of Codex Withchunters which states how millions burned in Vandires insanity and that the AdMech and Astartes remained largely on the DEFENSIVE. This means there is plenty of room for Archangels to have been accused of something by psycho Vandire and attacked by his minions. It does not say that Astartes sat around passively ignoring Vandire until the last minute. Also, it's called the Reign of Blood - it was hyper violent - and that's by dark. gothic 40K standards.

Like others have said, vast tracts of space under the command of a chapter are a rarity. In the latest codex, it seemed to suggest that is was becoming more common but nothing on the scale of the Ultramarines. Maybe these systems could owe some debt to the chapter but the chapter has no direct control over them.

You're correct, looking back in the Ultramarines Codex, it says they are unique in that they control Ultramar. Maybe mine can be made into a loose confederation of planets protected by Archangels but not dominated by them as the Ultramarines do with Ultramar.


#17
Ferrata

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With the Age of Apostasy is about getting the right balance. At the moment, it feels like your chapter went for all out war against Vandire, were really they should be defending against raiders and looters. Just make sure you get the balance spot on (and thanks for the comments on the Castellans)

#18
Maleagant

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see updated IA above

Edited by Maleagant, 02 February 2010 - 08:36 AM.


#19
Maleagant

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Any comments regarding the latest draft?
Ferrata?? Anyone???

Edited by Maleagant, 20 January 2010 - 10:08 PM.


#20
Maleagant

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Any C&C are greatly appreciated!
Thanks

#21
Ferrata

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Okay, I've read the background and most of it is pretty fine. I'm still a little off the idea of taking equipment from inside the warp-realms as they are going to be tainted, though maybe it is more of a sumbolic thing and the suit are melted in the local sun. You slip into making this rift very important a few times, but this isn't too bad. The only major fluff issue I have with this chapter is the Age of Apostasy stuff, it doesn't seem needed for the chapter. You already have the big hook/storyline with the destruction of the chapter/warprift making bit, you don't need a second hook. Let the character from the first bit flow to the rest of the chapter, focus on the guilt they feel.

As for the writing style, you frequently over state things. For example, you tell us in the section about the rift how the rift as made, yet you've already told us that in the history section. Make sure you keep things streamline and don't repeat things.

#22
Octavulg

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The Archangels have a long and bloody history that, if their sparse records are reliable, dates back to the Third Founding though no proof of their date of founding exists. Early Chapter records are scarce as the Archangels suffered much destruction and most records of their founding and early history are lost. From what has been recovered, it is known that before the Age of Apostasy, the Archangels were a space-born Chapter. The purpose of their creation was to explore the Veiled Region and to bring the Emperor's Light to systems lost during the tumult of the Horus Heresy. One of the many progeny Chapters that came from the Ultramarines geneseed, the Archangels are every bit as loyal and faithful to the Imperial cause as their brother Ultramarines, though they bear responsibility for a horrific calamity which endangers the whole of the Reductus Sector.


Why be Third Founding? Why do you need the extra thousands of years of history?

Also, the name Archangels feels odd for a number of reasons. Firstly, it's somewhat out of keeping with the way Space Marine names work - even one-word-name Chapters don't usually name themselves after something - they tend to name themselves after positions (the Praetors of Orpheus) or actions (Marauders, Destroyers, etc.). Second, it seems like it's intended to put them above the various other Angel chapters. Finally, it's not the sort of thing Ultramarine successors are usually named - Angel tends to, unsurprisingly, be confined to those Chapters descended from the Blood Angels and Dark Angels.

Fragmented Librarium and Reclusium records show that after months of investigating the catastrophe, reviewing engagement holovids, bridge communications and interrogations of traitorous prisoners, it was concluded that the Angelics' explosion was actually the culmination of a sorcerous ritual which not only caused tremendous casualties amongst the Archangels, but also allowed the heretical Captain Agraxtes of the Angelic, lured by the promise of untold power and immortality, to ascend as a demon prince in the Warp. The discovery of this betrayal by such a prominent member of the Chapter and those under his sway caused the Chaplains of the Reclusium to begin a Chapter-wide psycho-interrogation of all brethren of the Archangels to stamp out any further heresy. No records are known to exist which show whether or not any surviving Archangels were complicit in the betrayal though there are fragments of data-files which hint that Agraxtes' betrayal was born of a powerful resentment over another marine being given the command of the revered 1st Company.


This comes out of nowhere, doesn't seem to go anywhere, and all in all is a pretty big plot device.

Why did this happen? How? What did it mean to the Chapter? What was the Chapter like before this?

You need to set these things up for them to feel anything other than arbitrary.

Naming the newly spawned warp-rift Ultima Tormentia after the many tortured souls that perished during its creation, the Archangels have vowed to protect the area around the Ultima Tormentia from any and all chaos incursions...as well as any Inquisition investigations as to its creation. The decision was made to base the Archangels Chapter on a world near the new warp-rift. Whilst the majority of the Chapter was busy establishing a Fortress-Monastery on the world of Fortis-Angelius, the Archangel's 2nd and 3rd Battle Companies launched a crusade into the Ultima Tormentia to recover any remains of the Indefatigable and 1st Company. After many months of intense searching and battling, the remains of the Indefatigable were found on the dead-world of Vortigern.


Warp Rifts are a big deal. Wouldn't we have heard of this?


Homeworld

Posted Image

Fortis-Angelius is the home world of the Archangels. It is a massive planet (nearly 10 times the size of Terra) with several continents and huge oceans teeming with life which support the ever-growing population of the planet. Fortis-Angelius is home to many species of large reptilian carnivores which prey upon those unlucky enough to be caught out in the wilds, but the cities of Fortis-Angelius are large, sprawling and protective bastions which, though spartan in appearance, function effectively well. The majority of the planet is quite hot and tropical with high humidity - much of the heat being generated by the sheer size of the planet itself. The polar caps are comparatively small but tropical rainstorms which pummel the planet during its 6 Terran month-long winter help to stabilize the climate of Fortis-Angelius at the expense of massive flooding in many regions of the planet.


A planet ten times the size of Terra would presumably have much higher gravity, which would have some rather unpleasant consequences for the population.

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OK. This is getting really, really tiresome for two reasons.

Firstly, the default site font looks fine.

Second, you could have achieved the same effect with one tag at the start and a close tag at the end. You certainly didn't need nine of them.

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Combat Doctrine
The Bane of Ulthwe
Chaplain Maleagant and assault squad Dagda smashed down onto the Eldar foe as they fled from the field. Eldarian, the Farseer and leader of the Eldar forces, turned and challenged his attackers but it was too little, too late. As Assault squad Dagda finished off the warlock bodyguards, Maleagant's crozius arcanum crackled with incandescent energy as it tore through the Farseer's Ghosthelm. After 10 days of grueling combat, the last of the Eldar on Lujan-9 had been vanquished.


Not worth it. Far too short, adds nothing.

Because of the large realm of space the Archangels must patrol, the Archangels have become masters of Deep Strike/Drop Pod assaults launched from one of their many space vessels so the Archangels tend to favor a hard-hitting lighting assault style of warfare. Though the Archangels, like all Astartes Chapters, excel at a combined arms approach where everything is employed at the correct moment to ensure victory, the Archangels have learned that a quick victory comes from a "hit 'em hard and fast" approach.


Way, way too colloquial with "hit 'em hard and fast".

A typical planetary assault begins with an orbital bombardment from one of the Chapter's strike cruisers. This is followed by Terminators teleporting onto their objectives supported by Dreadnoughts and marine squads which have plummeted to the field in drop pods. Usually, a fast hitting assault force arrives to reinforce gains made by the initial landing. This consists of Land Speeders and Assault Squads which race to secure primary and secondary objectives. If heavier armor is needed, it is supplied by Predators, Whirlwinds, Land Raiders and Vindicators arriving via Thunderhawk Drop ships.


This isn't particularly unusual, and thus isn't particularly worthy of explanation.

Due to their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes, several Archangels have been honored by serving with the Deathwatch, the branch of the Inquisition known as the Ordo Xenos, which tracks the expansion of hostile alien races throughout the Imperium. Those battle brothers so honored with serving with the Deathwatch are allowed to retain their silver Ordo Xenos shoulder pauldron and vambrace.


Why would Codex adherence be rewarded with Deathwatch service? Last I checked Dark Angels, Space Wolves and Black Templars have served in the Deathwatch - all of whom deviate (especially the last two).

* * *

I have read this IA, and still do not understand what makes this Chapter unique. The whole warp rift thing is all I can point to, but there's little or no explanation of what the Chapter is like, how the warp rift changed this or how it came about. There's nothing really here - no unique twists of character or viewpoint or belief.

Figure out what makes the Chapter unique. Then show us that. Then show us that some more. Then highlight that. Give us insight into their character - who they are and why they do what they do. They need to be distinctive.

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#23
Ferrus Manus

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Since your Librarium submission is different to the article posted above, my comments are based on the Article that was submitted.

The Archangels have a long and bloody history that, if their sparse records are reliable, dates back to the Third Founding, though mysteriously, no official proof of their date of founding exists. The earliest known reference to the chapter is in a Rogue Trader's communique in 504 M.32 which mentions them being escorted to the Veiled Region by "a newly founded but formidable chapter fleet.

Surely the Chapter's archives that date back to the Third Founding are the 'earliest known reference' rather than this Rogue Trader's comments? Thus making them Third Founding. Also, 'chapter fleet' should have capitals.

According to members of the Inner Circle of the Dark Angels, the purpose of the Archangels' creation was to pursue and eliminate a cadre of Fallen operating out of the Veiled Region in the Segmentum Tempestus, but again, no date of their creation was mentioned.

The Inner Circle told other people about the Fallen? So that means that their secret will soon be out. Nope. This needs to be implied, not explicitly stated.

Inner Circle are the only ones in the Chapter who know of Luthor's betrayal and of the hunt for The Fallen.

It's Luther not Luthor.

The tragic loss of the Archangels' flagship and leadership, impacted the Archangels deeply and altered the Archangels' modus operandi - from being a fleet-based crusade chapter, now the Archangels would have a homeworld and operate from this base to continue their objectives.

You've switched tenses here, you go from past to present.

Homeworld


This section is at best tedious, at worst boring. What about the people of the planet? What are they all about? How has recruiting them effected the Chapter? How does the Chapter go about recruiting them?

All of the Archangels remaining companies are organized as battle companies. Furthermore, unlike their Primogenitor Dark Angels, the Archangels have no dedicated bike company like the fabled Raven's Wing.

Why? Why did they decide to organise themselves like this?

The Archangels are masters of Deep Strike/Drop Pod assaults launched from one of their many space vessels so the Archangels tend to favor a hard-hitting lighting assault style of warfare which is somewhat anathema to one of Dark Angels lineage.

Eh? So your telling me that a Chapter which has a company full of bikes and speeders doesn't do lightning assaults? More to the point, they don't fight like every Space Marine does, with speed and quick precision? Focus on writing about your Chapter, don't say things that affect other fluff.

Like most other Astartes Chapters, the Archangels believe that the Emperor is a supremely powerful human being and honor His memory for His conquering the galaxy and His sacrifice to uphold the psychic beacon.

His.His.His. Get rid of some of them. Too much repetition.

Conversely, the Archangels look in awe and reverence of battle-brothers from the 1st or 2nd foundings and will almost always relinquish warzone command to those with 'more experience'.

So if a AA captain with three years experience as Captain goes to war beside a Captain of a hundred years experience, but from a later founding Chapter, what happens then?

Edited by Ferrus Manus, 21 June 2010 - 04:31 PM.

 
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#24
Maleagant

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Since your Librarium submission is different to the article posted above, my comments are based on the Article that was submitted.

The Archangels have a long and bloody history that, if their sparse records are reliable, dates back to the Third Founding, though mysteriously, no official proof of their date of founding exists. The earliest known reference to the chapter is in a Rogue Trader's communique in 504 M.32 which mentions them being escorted to the Veiled Region by "a newly founded but formidable chapter fleet.

Surely the Chapter's archives that date back to the Third Founding are the 'earliest known reference' rather than this Rogue Trader's comments?Thus making them Third Founding. FIXED
Also, 'chapter fleet' should have capitals. NO IT SHOULDN'T - IT'S NOT POSSESSIVE.

According to members of the Inner Circle of the Dark Angels, the purpose of the Archangels' creation was to pursue and eliminate a cadre of Fallen operating out of the Veiled Region in the Segmentum Tempestus, but again, no date of their creation was mentioned.

The Inner Circle told other people about the Fallen? So that means that their secret will soon be out. Nope. This needs to be implied, not explicitly stated. AGREED, FIXED

Inner Circle are the only ones in the Chapter who know of Luthor's betrayal and of the hunt for The Fallen.

It's Luther not Luthor. FIXED

The tragic loss of the Archangels' flagship and leadership, impacted the Archangels deeply and altered the Archangels' modus operandi - from being a fleet-based crusade chapter, now the Archangels would have a homeworld and operate from this base to continue their objectives.

You've switched tenses here, you go from past to present. AGREED, FIXED.

Homeworld


This section is at best tedious, at worst boring. What about the people of the planet? What are they all about? How has recruiting them effected the Chapter? How does the Chapter go about recruiting them? UPDATED & FIXED.

All of the Archangels remaining companies are organized as battle companies. Furthermore, unlike their Primogenitor Dark Angels, the Archangels have no dedicated bike company like the fabled Raven's Wing.

Why? Why did they decide to organise themselves like this? FIXED

The Archangels are masters of Deep Strike/Drop Pod assaults launched from one of their many space vessels so the Archangels tend to favor a hard-hitting lighting assault style of warfare which is somewhat anathema to one of Dark Angels lineage.

Eh? So your telling me that a Chapter which has a company full of bikes and speeders doesn't do lightning assaults? More to the point, they don't fight like every Space Marine does, with speed and quick precision? Focus on writing about your Chapter, don't say things that affect other fluff. AGREED, FIXED.

Like most other Astartes Chapters, the Archangels believe that the Emperor is a supremely powerful human being and honor His memory for His conquering the galaxy and His sacrifice to uphold the psychic beacon.

His.His.His. Get rid of some of them. Too much repetition. FIXED

Conversely, the Archangels look in awe and reverence of battle-brothers from the 1st or 2nd foundings and will almost always relinquish warzone command to those with 'more experience'.

So if a AA captain with three years experience as Captain goes to war beside a Captain of a hundred years experience, but from a later founding Chapter, what happens then? FIXED



#25
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Nice to see another Archangels chapter.

I've done a DIY Archangels chapter myself when the fourth edition of WH40K hit the shelves.

You IA is quite a good read. I'm not a huge fan of the colour scheme, but that's mostly because I don't really like red power armour.




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