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Index Astartes: Hounds of the Hunt

Loyalist Native American Theme Madwolf Shadowmane cursed founding

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#51
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Re-organized several of the sections. Comments welcomed as always.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#52
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I think I might still be missing some of the 'why'. Not completely sure. I would prefer some more critique before I tweak it anymore. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#53
GhostLegion

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Before I really get going I want to say that the table right at the start is kind of off putting to me. Sure, this table has some interesting tidbits which have a bearing on the chapter, but I would prefer to see the info here incoroprated into the body of your IA, not left out on its own like this. If it is important enough to be included in the IA, then include it...if it does not have a significant role on developing the chapter for the reader, then leave it out.

Now then...lets see what I can find in here :)

the gene-stock of an anonymous Thunder Warrior of the Emperor’s War of Unity

as someone once pointed out to me...mystery and ambiguity is all well and good...if it has purpose. That being said, I would drop the thunder warrior reference here. it really does nothing to improve the article, and recent additions to the Black Library (ref A Thousand Sons) have added a bit more to what the thunder warriors were...(note: I do mean a bit...like a sentance...if that, but enough to change my views (at least) of what these guys were and were intended as).

The ruling council of the Hounds, the High Hunt, are closed-lipped about their earliest history, but have endangered the survival of the Chapter in defense of the Imperium of Man.

huh? I mean, I think I know where you are going with this, but the phrasing is confusing and generates a couple different meanings. worse, it made me reread the sentance a few times...

Upon arriving at the edge of their new home, the Hounds of the Hunt were attacked by an armada of Dark Eldar pirates. The Hounds made the journey across the stars in a single Battle Barge, the Night Runner, and three Strike Cruisers. Despite being outnumbered ten to one the Battle fleet of the Hounds drove into the heart of the vile xenos fleet. After grueling hours of combat the remnants of the pirate fleet were driven from the system, but at a terrible price. One of their Strike Cruisers had been destroyed and another critically disabled. To add further insult to injury, the Night Runner had to be crash landed on the third moon of Eametanene, their newly entrusted home world.

this feels like a strap hanger from a previous version or an idea not quite fleshed out...I am not certain of the direct relation of this setcion and the following paragraphs to the origins of your chapter. To me, it feels like a side bar....and speaking of your sidebar, I would suggest either using the half header format or altering the format you have chosen for your sidebar. I think I would likely take this section as your sidebar and not use the current sidebar as it appears less relevant to the IA. (just my thoughts again...ignore me at any time if you like!)

Your homeworld section appears more focused on the planetary system than the homeworld itself? With the hints you have provided so far to the culture and people of the chosen homeworld, I find this a little strange...I would think you would spend more time discussing the planet and the interplay/relationship between the chapter and the natives...this may just be me though.

Similarly, the beliefs section is odd to me...again maybe i am misreading it as it appears more focused on the natives than on the chapter. There is some depth of thought here, so I would not recommend deleting it per se, but revising the section to focus and emphasize the chapter more would be preferable to me. Remember, an IA is more about the chapter you are designing and less about the normal humans it associates with...

I do have to say that I like your combat doctrine section...of everything I have seen so far in your IA, this offers me an insight to the character and bearing of the chapter. Though I am sure there are minor modifications you could make, I am not certain as to the thematic you are reaching for...without this, or without a clear indication of primogenator chapter, I am not sure what I could offer as recommendations of improvements...I find your organization section to be very similar in this regard.

Gene-Seed

Zygotes for the Catalepsean Nodes are present, but do not function when they reach maturity. The zygote for the Omophagea is absent. Upon reaching maturity the Occulobe is over-grown and causes a pigment washout obscuring the pupil, iris and sclera. The Sus-an Membrane is present but appears to be dysfunctional. Subjects cannot be revived from suspended animation without destroying this organ. The Melanochrome organ is also dysfunctional and several test subjects were destroyed when exposed to radiation, while some subjects underwent skin thickening to the point of immobility. The Mucranoid organ is present but nonfunctional. The Betcher’s gland zygote is completely absent.

in other words, there is a lot wrong with the chapter...genetically...are you sure with all these problems that the chapter is stable? This amount of change/failure/problem is something I would not be suprised to see in the 21st founding chapters...but you hint that your chapter is older. Do all these issues effect the chapter, how it is organized, how it operates? How? I do not see this earlier on in the IA...sort of hits like a big kick to the eyeballs...again, may just be me though.

Because of these findings the Inquisition has ordered the Hounds of the Hunt gene-seed stock to be placed in stasis. There is an Inquisitor in the system investigating the presence of xenos ruins. He first visited the Sanctuary of the Stars and found no evidence of deviancy beyond the normal independence of an Astartes Chapter.

I would take this out. It does not appear to be needed. Further, (and again based only on my interpretation of the 40k setting) it is the Adeptus Biologis, not the inquisition, which would place the gene-seed in stasis for further study...they are the sect of the Mechanicus responsible for such things (ooooold fluff here that has not been modified to the best of my knowledge).

Again, please note these are just my thoughts and should not be taken in any other way. I do like the amount of work you have done here so far and would like to see you continue to refine the concept and idea more...
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#54
Madwolf Shadowmane

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GhostLegion, thank you for your comments and insight. I have to say your reply was one of the most constructive I've received. I will contemplate the chart at the start of the IA, not sure how I would some of those tidbits in though. The Thunder Warrior phrase was meant as one of the various rumors on the origins of the Chapter. I'm trying to imply some things and be specific on some others. The biggest thing that I don't think I've gotten right yet is making sure readers get the impression that the Chapter knows where they come from but aren't sharing that secret. That paragraph is a remnant of a previous version. I will probably make it a sidebar. Trying to show devastation to the Chapter at the beginning of their 'known' history. I'm trying to pull off a feral, wolf-like tribal plains culture. I'm actually trying to figure out the best way to model a feather headress for my Chapter Master. Your opinion of my content was exactly the kind of comments I was looking for. I know what I want to say, I just need to know if I'm conveying them correctly. It seems I'm getting closer but I'm not quite there yet. Thank you again. I need to re-evaluate the flaws in my gene-seed. There quite a few defective zygotes compared to a pure gene-seed, but the Hounds gene-seed is not degrading any further. I only remember mention of the Adeptus Biologis has been in the context of studing xenos. I believe I first read about them in the old Death Watch IA in WD and then again in one of the Ultramarines books. I may be wrong but I remember some of the older fluff about the Horus Hearsay mention the High Lords of Terra placing the Traitor Legion's gene-seed in stasis. I would think the Inquisition would order it in modern times. I think the Adeptus Biologis would give the recommendation, but not the order to isolate the gene-seed. Thank you very much for your time in reviewing my IA. I will continue to revise as I go along.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#55
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Finished tweaking the entire IA, added some info and moved around others. All comments welcome. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#56
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I have finally included a decisive theme/purpose for the Hounds existence. I did some polishing as well. Its amazing, when you establish a purpose it makes lots of things easier. All comments welcome. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#57
Ace Debonair

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I have finally included a decisive theme/purpose for the Hounds existence. I did some polishing as well. Its amazing, when you establish a purpose it makes lots of things easier. All comments welcome. Thank you for your time.


Sure does make things easier. And what you've got right now does read much, much better than the early incarnations. Good stuff!
But... I'm still not sure what the theme of the chapter is. I'm getting a really serious 'hunters' vibe, and a vaguely 'tribal spiritualism' vibe, but not a lot else. This might sound like an odd request, but would you be able to spell out exactly what you want from the chapter? I mean, in terms of character and personality?
There's a good chance some of us Liberites will have some ideas for you to work with.

Oh yeah, I don't think it says anywhere who the Sire is anymore.
Might I suggest the option of making it their name for whichever primarch they descend from? (I mean, even if they don't know where they came from, they've still got to have a name for their primarch, right?)

#58
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I am going for a tribal spiritualism with a little blend of wolf totem. Their purpose is to hunt the enemies of the Imperium. When I first laid down the idea for these guys I wanted them to be a blend between werewolves and Space Wolves. Now I envision them as Native American flavor with some focus on the Cheyenne Wolf Warrior society. The funny thing is I started this current incarnation of the Chapter based on a specific weapon, the Bowlance. The Sire is mentioned as their founder (unless I accidentally edited it out). I want the identity/origin of the Sire to be vague. Thank you for your comments Ace, please keep them coming.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#59
Ace Debonair

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I am going for a tribal spiritualism with a little blend of wolf totem. Their purpose is to hunt the enemies of the Imperium. When I first laid down the idea for these guys I wanted them to be a blend between werewolves and Space Wolves. Now I envision them as Native American flavor with some focus on the Cheyenne Wolf Warrior society.


Oh, I see. I'm not too well-versed in native American stuff, so maybe that's why I didn't pick up on that.

The Sire is mentioned as their founder (unless I accidentally edited it out). I want the identity/origin of the Sire to be vague. Thank you for your comments Ace, please keep them coming.


Yeah, that's in there. I missed it the last time, despite reading the whole thing three times. :)

#60
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I'm reviewing my IA again, trying to polish the writing style and make the flow better. I'm thinking of removing the Dark Eldar attack from their early history. Looking for some insight from the Liber on what you think of this. Any and all comments welcome.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#61
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Added a picture of my sculpted Chapter symbol.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#62
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Polished up a few things, added a few more details. Comments welcome.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#63
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Added more polish. Comments welcome.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#64
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Need help, I know this is not ready for the Liber yet but I'm having trouble making it flow better. Any help that can be provided would be appreciated.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#65
Philip S

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I've been hunting down chapters for the project, and while creating the Hammers of Dorn image, I updated the image I created for your chapter (the one I used as a base for the little image in the 1,000 Chapter project).

Posted Image

The idea was to make it kinda like one of those fancy 'forgeworld' shoulder pads.

I thought you may like it for your IA?

Philip

#66
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Thank you. That image actually looks more like my painted minis. I made a push mold for the chapter symbol.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#67
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I'm gonna be working on version 4.0. I have decided to take a page out of Ace's book. I have some more coherent ideas for the combat doctrine and work from there. I'm also gonna break the IA back into an outline with the important parts I want and then build back into paragraphs. Comments and criticism welcome during the re-write.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#68
Philip S

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Are you updating this thread to v4 or starting a new thread?

Philip

#69
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I will be updating this thread some time this weekend. No major changes more of a total rewording to hopefully fix the choppiness of the writing style.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#70
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Finally got version 4.0 up. Special thanks to Phillip S for the new upgraded marine pic. Tried to fix some of the issues and the flow of the overall text. Comments and Criticism welcome. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#71
Madwolf Shadowmane

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could someone illuminate me to the reason I'm not getting much in the way of feedback anymore? Not sure what else I might need to do with my IA. I don't feel its ready for Liber submission yet, but I'm at a loss as to what might need fixing. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

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#72
Madwolf Shadowmane

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Version 4.1 is now up. Added more to the beliefs section. Comments and criticism welcome. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

gallery_48251_5687_54256.gifgallery_48251_5687_4534.pnggallery_48251_5687_954.pnggallery_48251_5687_28548.jpg


#73
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I know this is not ready for submission yet. I'm kinda at a loss for what else needs work other than getting parts to flow together better. Criticism welcome. Thank you for your time.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

gallery_48251_5687_54256.gifgallery_48251_5687_4534.pnggallery_48251_5687_954.pnggallery_48251_5687_28548.jpg


#74
Madwolf Shadowmane

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I think I may have a product ready for submission.

IA: Hounds of the Hunt          Working on the Hunt (W.I.P.)          The Hunt Begins...(Finished Minis)          IA: Lords of Dusk          Octaguide 2.0

gallery_48251_5687_54256.gifgallery_48251_5687_4534.pnggallery_48251_5687_954.pnggallery_48251_5687_28548.jpg


#75
Philip S

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Are you submitting it?

Philip





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