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IA: Knights of Shadowfury


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#1
Captain Nightengel

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4/16/2010 Version 1.0
4/17/2010 1.1 (Thanks Viray)
4/22/2010 1.2 Edits and expansion upon to Beliefs, Organization and Origins (EARTH DAY!)
4/30/2010 2.0 New graphic with badge. And Updated Combat Doctrine. Beliefs done (mostly). Gona call this a finished draft so others can pick out things I may have missed.

+++Welcome+++
+++Query accepted: Knights of Shadowfury+++
+++Searching...History+++
+++Input Security Clearance+++
+++Welcome Librarian...Full access granted+++
+++Select version+++
+++Concise History Selected+++
+++Compiling Data+++

“Into the darkness of war we stride, though death may follow us, our faith will bring the light to drive back the shadows that consume the ones who have fallen from the path” - Chaplain Vallis of the House Tan'em

Posted Image
Armor is Midnight Blue
Trim and Weapons are White
Shoulders are Silver as well as the Back Power Pack
Tabard is White

Origins

F
rom what information that the Librarians were able to recover from Imperial data slates it was the beginning of the thirty second millennium that the Chapter, Knights of Shadowfury, was founded. The purpose of the chapters creation was firstly to travel into the far reaches of the Centaurus arm of the galaxy in Segmentium Ultima and bring stability back to the region. Second to reconquer forgotten planets lost by humanity during the Great Hersey.

Much speculation has been aroused as to the parent chapter of the Knights but it has been assumed that the Salamanders are the most likely by imperial scholars. The undeniable markings of Salamander technological sophistication, reverence and upkeep are clearly placed in the Knights doctrine. This devotion to technology has over the many years developed into almost an obsession, constantly in a search for more advanced technology wherever it may be found. In more recent years this has led to rare sightings of Knights of Shadowfury ships entering and leaving T'au space. These sightings are nothing more than wispers from pirate or traitor vessels in the area and the Knights deny having any involvement with the T'au race.

The Chapter was gifted with several ships from the Forgeworlds of the Imperium and a special Strike Cruiser - “Scythe of Faith” from the forges of Mars itself. The Chapter as its first order of duty was sent off to reconquer forgotten worlds with a modest Imperial Navy crusade fleet behind them. Initially met with great success brushing aside any foolish enough to resist, recolonizing and bringing the light of the Imperium back to many long lost worlds. However this was not to be as it appeared a stronger force than even the Emperor was at work.

History

~ Early History ~
T
o know the Knight of Shadowfury is to know their history and how it made them into what they are today. It is not just events that happened but how they happened and hows these events impacted the Chapter, changing them, morphing them, and even leading them down dark roads.

Furia Crusade - Culling of Ishtalvor
The truly defining event of the chapter was near the end of the Furia Crusade. With the discovery of an early space faring civilization, Ishtalvor it was called. Built upon a once mighty human colony now fallen into ruin. The databases had no mention of its existence and the civilization seemed without taint of chaos. As talks began, the Mechanicus was informed and several ships were dispatched to investigate such a rare find.

The people were divided into many nations and so negotiations looked as if they would take years if not longer. As the main crusade fleet began its preparations to leave orbital defenses fired nuclear missiles at Imperial Navy ships crippling and damaging several. This was seen as a clear act of war by the entire planet and an immediate assault of planetary defenses and planet fall commenced. Unbeknown to the Imperial forces the strongest nation on the planet had learned how to control ancient lance batteries hidden underneath the surface of the planet. As these massive guns came online, planet fall by the Knights of Shadowfury had already commenced and several Imperial landers were already on their way. Caught completely by surprise for a second time the planetary lance batteries ripped through the orbiting ships destroying much of the Imperial and Marine combined fleet before they were able to retreat to a safe distance.

The planetary battle however fared better as the fury of the Knights was released. After hearing of the damage and battle reports from the fleet, the Knights ceased using restraint upon the population. Driven by wraith they held in the wake of the death of their brotheren they crushed any foolish enough to stand in their path. First destroying the lance batteries then quickly crushing the government and leaders of each nation. The Knights of Shadowfury moved across the planet like a storm, allowing the Imperial Guard force to mop up unorganized defenses and broken armies.

When the ships of the Mechanicus arrived, the planets populace had been reduced to a third of its former size. As the crusade fleet was now broken and either destroyed or crippled, new ships would have to be requisitioned to move the substantial military might off the planet. It was then deemed to be the end to the campaign, from which the Knights saw as a failure to complete their appointed task and thus a great dishonor upon their name. The unprovoked attacks which began the conflict caused the utmost disdain of the native populace from the Knights and eventually this would lead to the events of the Cataclysm millennia later.

The Mechanicus quickly procured the rights to the planet which the Knights were only too happy to hand over. Having a new found reverence for the ancient technologies past and a newly forged relationship with the Mechanicus, the Knights of Shadowfury limped off to the nearby system of Tor. It was there that they would rebuild and once again conquer the stars.

Homeworld

Tor'Ventus
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T
he Knights of Shadowfury's Homeworld as given by its inhabitants is Tor'Ventus. Because of the two moons of Tor'Ventus (Quoren and Quoshan) a heavy gravity is generated, causing the people to be very sturdy from years of living on such a planet.

The world is unique because of its rotation. One side of the planet is permanently dark, while the other faces the central star. Because of this huge storms constantly cross the planet as water evaporates from the heated side and travels to the cooler dark side.

The majority of the population lives on the moderate “ring” between the two extreme zones of the planet. Many of the great cities are built upon and into the massive mountains that cover the planet. As the society was originally feudal upon the Knights of Shadowfury's arrival, the Knightly Houses from whom the recruits are drawn have heavily influenced the philosophy of the Chapter. Many of the current warrior traditions within the Chapter come from these original Houses.

The Great Cataclysm of Ishtalvor

Many thousands of years after the events of the culling came a period only known as the Great Cataclysm. The Warp storm known as the Perdian Gap began to grow enveloping the area in fierce warp storms. The Tor and surrounding systems were cut off from the Imperium causing mass terror and panic. The storms lasted for years as the Knights of Shadowfury set about maintaining order and control within the systems. It is not clear what happened following the distress signal sent from Ishtalvor but when the storm ended, the planet lay in ruins. After an investigation from the Inquisitor Rylan Tyranis, it was deemed that the Knights had been slowed by the warp storms. The sudden attack of Orks simply overwhelmed the planets defenses, killing the entire population. Miraculously the Knights arrived in time to save the Mechanicus and its assets restoring order after only a few short years.

The Knights of Shadowfury arrived on Tor'Ventus after the Pyrrhic victory on Ishtalvor. With few space faring ships they created a their Citadel on the shadowed side of the planet, attempting to hide their shame. Recruits were taken from only the smartest and best fighters generally coming from the afore mentioned Knightly Houses. As the years moved by the Knights of Shadowfury began to see that the people of this planet would help them to grow stronger than before. Thus it was that Chapter Master Anatolios decided that they the Knights of Shadowfury would reclaim their lost glory and complete the mission they were sent to do.

The years of rebuilding and recruiting new marines into the Imperium saw much cooperation and bonding with the native peoples. The Knights of Shadowfury helped to improve the infrastructure of the planet, first unifying the planet under a single government, then giving technologies to the people that allowed them to build up their once small cities into vast industrialized metropolises. The people of the planet began calling the marines Scith'ra, literally translating to an equivalent of Wraiths. In the peoples eyes this was an honor as the Scith'ra were fearsome intelligent reptilian creatures that lived on the shadowed side of the planet and held by much reverence to the people. As cultural integration occurred the Chapter Brotheren began to refer to themselves the Wraiths, and it was that the Knights of Shadowfury became to be known as the Wraiths.

The three solar systems that encompass the small domain of the Wraiths while containing twenty-nine planets total only five are suitable for human habitation. These planets are accessible through the main warp routes that pass through the Tor system then connect to the Tamura, Kasai, and Rhilnelian systems respectively. At present the Knights of Shadowfury control and protect these four systems as the area has had increasing attacks from outside threats.

Organization

U
pholds some of the Codex's teachings but has over the many years in the far systems had to rely on only the few planets in sector and has accordingly adjusted its organization.
Current Great Houses

~ House Emsul Ka'tar
~ House Emsul Tan'em
~ House Emsul Tanith
~ House Emsul Xvyi
~ House Ekuna
~ House Verdi
~ House Yashin
~ House Avthen
~ House Karora
~ House Arm'ori
Each company has been reorganized and renamed in honor of the nine great knightly houses of the planet. With the tenth being the armory of the Chapter. None of the houses are reserve companies all having the equipment and personnel needed for any engagement they may be called to. The first four houses however are the premiere battle companies given the honor of fighting in the more difficult engagements. However a slot in the top four houses is not guaranteed as heavy battle losses may elevate another house from the fury battle companies so that the former may recover.

The eleven oldest and most knowledgeable space marines in the Chapter form the Council of Nightfall. This Council makes most of the decisions concerning the well being and advancement of the Chapter personnel. They also keep track of the Chapters deepest secrets and acquired ancient knowledge. Generally composed of Adepts, Chaplains, and Keepers with the Chapter Master being the eleventh member and head of the Council.
Code: Pilgrimage

+++Additional Verification Needed+++
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Only the most trusted of Marines are granted Pilgrimages. Pilgrimages are a way for the Chapter to obtain Xenos technology while keeping under the radar of the Inquisitors. These Marines repaint their armor and are given specialized equipment to allow them the highest possible chance of recovering any artifact they are sent to find. Given modified and retrofitted Hunter class escort ships they can travel to many locations within the galaxy with the utmost speed and stealth. One such Pilgrimage was to a recent battleground with the T'au. They procured T'au technology and abducted several of the Xenos earth caste to glean what secrets they could out of this fascinating new weaponry.
Librarians are known as Adepts to the brotheren of the Knights. Being the great knowledge holders and generally venerated for their skills. Currently the Adepts hold two seats on the council and the oldest member of the Knights of Shadowfury, Grand Adept Maliathus has fought on hundreds if not thousands of worlds. The Relic Keepers (Tech-Marines) are the heart and soul of the chapter. The younger Keepers have the job of maintaining equipment and teaching the new initiates the skills needed to repair minor battle damage. This allows the older and more knowledgeable Keepers to continue their quest to understand the technology they use and send out small expeditions or Pilgrimages to follow up any leads on new forms of technology or STC patterns that may have been found within the Imperium.

Initiates are immediately given power armor upon induction to the chapter and assigned to one of the five fury battle companies. As the Wraiths operate in harsh conditions every protection is needed to survive. These lower brotheren have not earned the right to wear a shield of their respective house and as such are not considered full marines. This allows the Wraiths to field several more marines than would be normally acceptable under codex teachings, this is however seen as a necessity rather than an attempt to violate the codex.

To become a full Battle Brother the Initiates must prove themselves in battle as well as in sound mind and thought. The Wraiths appreciate sound tactical decisions and intelligence nearly as much as physical and battle prowess. After becoming a Battle Brother the marines are then assigned to a house and given a shield to symbolize their true induction into the Knights of Shadowfury.

Combat Doctrine
“Overspecialize and you breed in weakness” – Knight-Captain Eutancious
“Your survival here will not only depend on who is the fittest but also the most cunning and able to work through any challenge presented to them” – Veteran of House Ka'tar, Ivarius

T
he combat doctrine of the Wraiths is based on these two principles. Diversifying and giving recruits a grueling training routine ensures that only the strongest and brightest are fit to become full Battle-Brothers. The Wraiths see prescribing to any specific routine as a weakness and try to maintain a schedule that constantly keeps their warriors ready, in any situation.

The Wraiths fight with both Bolter and sword. Recruits in training use a bolt pistol and chain-sword as they are not seen as ready for the more advanced techniques of combat. As marines advance through the ranks and improve upon their skill they will often replace the chain-sword with a traditional Ka'tar sword masterfully forged by the Chapters Keepers. A full Battle-Brother will often carry a Bolt pistol, Bolter, Ka'tar sword and a shield onto the battlefield. Though this equipment weighs them down more than most, it has proven most effective in the many hundreds of thousands of engagements the Wraiths have emerged victorious.

Each House has the equipment needed to fight in whatever battle field necessary. However the Wraiths have a tendency to mobile and mechanized combat. It is because of this that detachments of Keepers from the House Arm'ori are assigned to each of the other Houses to maintain heavily damaged equipment. The primary purpose however is to recover any new technologies that may be encountered by the House. Over the years the Wraiths have modified their equipment to make it more efficient in their battle strategies. As Dreadnoughts were seen as too slow in traditional chassis and unable to keep up the the battle line they were modified by the Keepers. These modifications allowed them to have better reach and range of mobility, much to the distaste of the Mechanicus.

The combat methods of the Wraiths are diverse both training in the eternal night and day of the two sides of their homeworld. They pride themselves in their covert operations ability as well as using the keen edge of their mobile attacks to slice through any opposition. Because of these qualifications they are sought after by certain officials for their aptitude in void and desert fighting.

Beliefs
Age of Apostasy
It was during the Age of Apostasy that a contingent of Ecclisiarchic forces were dispatched to convert the populations within the Knights of Shadowfury's domain or if they resisted, to pacify them. The Knights saw this as an assault on their beliefs personally after the forces began to eradicate the non-believing populace in the Tamura system. When the Knights arrived, no diplomatic solution could be negotiated and so the Knights annihilated the Ecclisiarch's forces sending one captured commander back to bring news that they were never to set foot in the Knights protectorate again. This ultimatum still stands today and the Knights will not allow anyone from the Ecclisiarchy to preach on any of the systems.
T
he Wraiths believe as many Chapters do that the Emperor is the mightiest of men. They also have their own system of honor taken from the native population that dictates how they should act morally. Qual'Shodir or Way of Temperance is the currently taught philosophy by the chapter. This honor system binds them in their duty of the Imperium and its people. This doctrine is one of the reasons that the Wraiths appear to be more benevolent as they are willing to go the extra distance to ensure the safety of the population in whatever conflict they may appear in.

After the events of the Age of Apostasy the Wraiths harbored no fondness for the Ecclisiarchy. The fact that they had instituted a mandate upon the planet of atheism caused more than a few confrontations during that period, but the Chapter came out of the Age as steadfast to their beliefs as ever. The Wraiths see atheism as a rational way to detect activities of chaos as all of them worship those dark entities as gods. This belief has over the years spread to nearby planets whom the Wraiths protect but not without notice by elements of the Ecclisiarchy.

Gene-seed

G
ene-seed is that of Vulkan. Seed shows no mutation and has remained pure throughout the chapters history.


Battle Cry

G
enerally a battle cry is never heard by the Wraiths. But for the few Imperial forces that have heard, on the rare occasion, a bone chilling "Death will not stop us" is whispered before charging into battle.

+++Logging You Out Librarian+++

Thought for the Day: Without honor, one has nothing.

....................................................................................................

Ok so I have read how to write an IA. I know IAs are more of a history than a story but I wanted to see how writing this like a story would turn out. Im trying to make this seem as if the KoS developed over time into what they are hence the story style. If its crappy I'll rewrite but any comments on things that wouldn't fit or are entirely wrong, I relish. Also I assume I messed up some grammar and what not somewhere in here feel free to correct it. Also positive comments are always appreciated. As I update Ill put time stamps on it to show if Ive taken your advice and rewritten something, so you can make sure Im taking the time and reading all your glowing comments.

Edited by Captain Nightengel, 04 May 2010 - 02:07 PM.

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
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#2
Viray

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Commas are your friend; don't forget them. ^_^

It was then deemed a suitable but dishonorable (to the Knights of Shadowfury) end to the campaign from which the Knights hold the utmost disdain for the native populace as well as drawing a certain reverence for the ancient technology used.

This sentence is a bit awkward. I take it you mean that the Knights hate the populace of this particular world because of the incident, but hold a certain respect to the power of the ancient weaponry used against their Chapter. Right? Personally, I think you should break this bit up so the information does not seem so crammed. Doing this will also give you more options in regards to expanding these particular ideas, which is definately something you should do. Despite reading that bit about them, I still don't see how the incident affected the Chapter other than pissing them off.

The Knights of Shadowfury arrived on Tor'Ventus after the Pyrrhic victory on Ishtalvor. With few space faring ships they created a their Citadel on the shadowed side of the planet, attempting to hide their shame. Recruits were taken from only the smartest and best fighters generally coming from the afore mentioned Knightly Houses. As the years moved by the Knights of Shadowfury began to see that the people of this planet would help them to grow stronger than before. Thus it was that Chapter Master Anatolios decided that they the Knights of Shadowfury would reclaim their lost glory and complete the mission they were sent to do.

So the Knights saw the campaign on Ishtalvor in that bad of a light? I know you said your article was far from complete, but I'll say this anyway just to be certain: you should expand upon this. The only indication that the Knights viewed the campaign negatively was a little tidbit in the last sentence of the section, in paranthesis no less. If this instance was truly that impactful, it deserves to a little detail.

On this note:

... I want to add another part after the introduction of the homeworld but Im not sure how to integrate it. I guess the first crusade could be origins...then HW and onto history but...humm. I want to introduce the world but still continue on to events that turn the chapter down the darker path...

Perhaps you could place it under Beliefs or as a series of sidebars?

I will eventually add more history that links the first battle and the brush with powerful ancient tech to become one of their obsessions, to acquire old and new powerful tech. (Perhaps secret missions to T'au or Necron worlds?)

Ah, great, it seems that you were planning on expanding upon the idea. Everything I stated prior now seems useless. :sweat:

Also Knights of Shadowfury...seems a bit long I like Knights of Shadow...but seems a bit trite...Ill see what all of you have to say.

I think the first one is better, though this is mostly because of the fact "Something Shadow," "Shadow Something," or some such thing is all too common. At the very least, Shadowfury sets itself apart in that regard. Are you thinking about using any other names?

Anyway, sorry that wasn't much help. Since it seems that a great portion of your article is still a rough draft and will likely change drstically over time, I felt that any specific corrections in grammar or spelling would ultimately prove useless. Sadly, this is the one thing I'm most confident about helping with. Ah, well, great start and good luck.

#3
Captain Nightengel

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Thanks Viray for your imput. Yea I know about my comma problem...I just want to run sentences all over the place! <_<
I have some time this weekend so Im going to be looking it over and revising it. Still need to find a creative way to introduce an obsession of tech. Maybe they find something on the planet during the Ishtalvor battle and then finally decipher it later on prompting more investigations into advanced tech?

Cheers,

~ Capt. Night
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
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#4
Viray

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Thanks Viray for your imput. Yea I know about my comma problem...I just want to run sentences all over the place! ;)
I have some time this weekend so Im going to be looking it over and revising it. Still need to find a creative way to introduce an obsession of tech. Maybe they find something on the planet during the Ishtalvor battle and then finally decipher it later on prompting more investigations into advanced tech?

Cheers,

~ Capt. Night

Well, you have them listed as a successor Chapter of the Salamanders; a love for technology wouldn't seem out of place. Maybe such an obsession could already be part of the Chapter's ideology, perhaps instilled by the training cadre that had been assigned to them, and, because of their devotion to technology, they had managed to weather a particularly violent battle on Ishtalvor which allowed the Knights to secure some lost tech, data, or some such thing? Killing two birds with one stone really; not only are their beliefs vindicated, they managed to nab something that will only fuel their fires of obsession.

#5
Captain Nightengel

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Found some time to make more edits. 1.2 Origins, Organization and a little bit of Beliefs edited and expanded upon.

Still looking for comments. Good or bad. I feed off your feedback!
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
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#6
Viray

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The effects of the Ishtalvor campaign and the Knights view on the matters still need more expansion (which I'm sure you'll do later, I'm just saying).

Also, this bit has been bothering me:

The unprovoked attacks which began the conflict caused the utmost disdain of the native populace from the Knights and eventually this would lead to the events of the Cataclysm millennia later.

Why not try: "The Knights (now) viewed the native populace with the utmost disdain, seeing the unprovoked attacks that began the conflict as cowardly and dishonorable. However, unknown to the Knights, the hatred (or contempt (probably be more appropriate but less artistically appealing)) they had begun to foster against the people of Ishtalvor during that fateful campaign would eventually bring the Chapter face to face with the terrible events of the Cataclysm a (mere) millennia later.

Just wanted to try and rework it as the original sentence seemed kind of cramped. Keep it or discard it, it doesn't matter really. Just find some way to give the ideas in that sentence a little breathing room.

Also, you'd probably want to mention what the Ecclesiarchy did to the Knights' planet first (which you probably will later (unless it's a bit of fluff concerning the Age of Apostasy I'm not aware of)). You know, it's really hard to critique your Chapter because 1) it is done quite well and 2) any holes or inconsistencies I find may just be a product of your lack of time to be able to fill it in. I keep second guessing myself. :lol:

One last note: Why call it "Pilgrimages?" For an atheistic Chapter, that's some rather strange terminology.

#7
Captain Nightengel

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Why not try: "The Knights (now) viewed the native populace with the utmost disdain, seeing the unprovoked attacks that began the conflict as cowardly and dishonorable. However, unknown to the Knights, the hatred (or contempt (probably be more appropriate but less artistically appealing)) they had begun to foster against the people of Ishtalvor during that fateful campaign would eventually bring the Chapter face to face with the terrible events of the Cataclysm a (mere) millennia later.

Just wanted to try and rework it as the original sentence seemed kind of cramped. Keep it or discard it, it doesn't matter really. Just find some way to give the ideas in that sentence a little breathing room.

Also, you'd probably want to mention what the Ecclesiarchy did to the Knights' planet first (which you probably will later (unless it's a bit of fluff concerning the Age of Apostasy I'm not aware of)). You know, it's really hard to critique your Chapter because 1) it is done quite well and 2) any holes or inconsistencies I find may just be a product of your lack of time to be able to fill it in. I keep second guessing myself.


Yea that last part was bugging me too. I like the way you are going with it. I will have to add that to my finally finished draft, hopefully this weekend. I was trying to get all my ideas on it down in text but when I expanded upon it, that part just stuck out like a sore thumb: essential but difficult to incorporate effectively.

Ecclesiarchy - Yea I actually hadn't thought about it. It was merely some added tension between the Ecc and Knights because of the beliefs held. I will develop this further, see where it goes.

Also as to the pilgrim thing. I thought it would fit in with my Knights theme. A pilgrimage does have religious under tones but isn't necessary religious in itself.

I will get that final draft done and you can have at it with a chain sword!

(Minor edits to grammar and coding. Wow I hate skull header, might have to remove it. Buggy as hell!)

Edited by Captain Nightengel, 23 April 2010 - 09:01 PM.

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
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#8
Captain Nightengel

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Version 2.0 Is UP!
Relatively done with everything so I would love some constructive feedback.
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
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#9
tehkonraf

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I don't have any problems with the background itself, but two things do glare at me.

“Scythe of Faith” from forges of Mars itself


That seems like it would be better as forges the forges of Mars itself.

You also make a lot of references to the Mechanicum the mechanicum hasn't existed since the Horus Heresy, after the breakaway of the Dark Mechanicus (and the heresy in general) and the subsequent reorginization of the Imperium the Mechanicum (as in the Martian Technocracy and affiliate machine-god cults and forgeworlds) ceased to exist and was reformed into the (more organized) Adeptus Mechanicus, at the very least change the '-um' to an '-us', as Mechanicus tends to work well as a colloquial reference to the Adeptus Mechanicus.

Aside from those two more semantic issues, it's a very very well done IA.

#10
Captain Nightengel

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Thanks for pointing that out tehkonraf, I was reading the Horus Hersey novel Mechanicum and when writing this IA just naturally used it without thinking.

I also fixed a couple of grammatical errors including the one you pointed out. Still a few parts that sound off and I will be working on those elements.
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
New Project: Grey  Angels

#11
Captain Nightengel

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Anyone else care to comment. I guess now I put on my fishing cap go down to the lake and sit in my lawn chair and wait till I get a decent bite...Wait more 40kish. I will go down to the battlefield in my Rhino and wait for something significant bite while I proceed to tear a new one into the blasphemous hordes...humm

Anyway good luck to others writing their IAs, I shall go about and try to dispense my limited knowledge ;)
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
 
New Project: Grey  Angels

#12
Hobo Willie

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Driven by wraith they held in the wake of the death of their brotheren they crushed any foolish enough to stand in their path.


That's the only spelling mistake I found, as I think you meant wrath. Everything seems alright from a grammar standpoint, but I'm not an expert by any means.

When the Knights arrived, no diplomatic solution could be negotiated and so the Knights annihilated the Ecclisiarch's forces sending one captured commander back to bring news that they were never to set foot in the Knights protectorate again.


I understand that this is probably Vandire's minions that they killed, but how has their standing edict of atheism (and not Emperor worship) not drawn the Ecclesiarchy's ire in the time since the Age of Apostasy? It seems like this might be something the Ordo Hereticus might look into as well. How do they not have the Adepta Sororitas knocking at their doors? While this is only a few lines of your IA, it seems to me that it might have the largest impact on how your Chapter is viewed by the Imperium as a whole. The Ecclesiarchy and it's various militant arms don't seem like they'd just live and let live purely because your worlds are governed by Astartes.

Edited by Hobo Willie, 05 May 2010 - 03:11 AM.


#13
Viray

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I understand that this is probably Vandire's minions that they killed, but how has their standing edict of atheism (and not Emperor worship) not drawn the Ecclesiarchy's ire in the time since the Age of Apostasy? It seems like this might be something the Ordo Hereticus might look into as well. How do they not have the Adepta Sororitas knocking at their doors? While this is only a few lines of your IA, it seems to me that it might have the largest impact on how your Chapter is viewed by the Imperium as a whole. The Ecclesiarchy and it's various militant arms don't seem like they'd just live and let live purely because your worlds are governed by Astartes.

Actually, most Astartes Chapters are atheistic; they revere the Emperor as the greatest human who ever lived, but they do not worship him as a god. There are a few Chapters that do, but they are the exception, not the rule.

#14
Hobo Willie

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Actually, most Astartes Chapters are atheistic; they revere the Emperor as the greatest human who ever lived, but they do not worship him as a god. There are a few Chapters that do, but they are the exception, not the rule.


I understand this quite well. My question is more directed towards why the Ecclesiarchy would allow them to subject those views on worlds when the Ecclesiarchy has burned entire populations as heretics and non-believers. That's mostly what their militant organizations are for: 40k's version of Manifest Destiny. While they tolerate non-belief in the Adeptus Astartes, mainly because they couldn't stop it even if they wanted to, they definitely don't have to tolerate it anywhere else. And if the Chapter is willing to take up arms to defend their edict of atheism, then how has this not come to a head with the post-Vandire Ecclesiarchs?

Edited by Hobo Willie, 05 May 2010 - 04:50 AM.


#15
Grand Master Tyrak

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The Ecclesiarchy and it's various militant arms don't seem like they'd just live and let live purely because your worlds are governed by Astartes.


They do if you still hold to the agreement not to interfere in Ecclesiarchy business (the agreement that the Rosarius symbolises). Under the terms of agreement the Ecclesiarchy will in return not send missionaries to the Space Marine homeworlds.

That doesn't stop them considering the treaty broken if their beliefs link them more to another power than to the Emperor. Cannibalistic rites would likely get you excommunicated, even if they were in praise of the Emperor.

Essentially the Astartes have licence to turn worship of the Emperor into loyalty to the Emperor. If they start worshipping/being loyal to something else, then the deal is off.

While they tolerate non-belief in the Adeptus Astartes, mainly because they couldn't stop it even if they wanted to,


Incorrect. Aside from the agreement outlined above, the Ecclesiarchy has declared at least one Chapter excommunicate traitoris off its own bat - the Steel Cobras were kicked out for worshipping the Emperor as an animal totem. The decision was upheld too.

"Be an Inquisition informer, betray your friends and family - Fabulous Prizes to be Won!"


#16
Hobo Willie

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They do if you still hold to the agreement not to interfere in Ecclesiarchy business (the agreement that the Rosarius symbolises). Under the terms of agreement the Ecclesiarchy will in return not send missionaries to the Space Marine homeworlds.

That doesn't stop them considering the treaty broken if their beliefs link them more to another power than to the Emperor. Cannibalistic rites would likely get you excommunicated, even if they were in praise of the Emperor.

Essentially the Astartes have licence to turn worship of the Emperor into loyalty to the Emperor. If they start worshipping/being loyal to something else, then the deal is off.


That's good to know. I'd never read either the Witchhunters or Daemonhunters codex. I had a slightly different understanding of that but information in those codices supersedes that.

Incorrect. Aside from the agreement outlined above, the Ecclesiarchy has declared at least one Chapter excommunicate traitoris off its own bat - the Steel Cobras were kicked out for worshipping the Emperor as an animal totem. The decision was upheld too.


I don't know if that's accurate. The way I read it, and I haven't been able to find the article as I looked for it, is that an Inquisitor observed their victory celebration and decided that their rituals were heretical and that's what got the ball rolling on the Excommunicate Traitorus.

#17
Grand Master Tyrak

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That's good to know. I'd never read either the Witchhunters or Daemonhunters codex. I had a slightly different understanding of that but information in those codices supersedes that.


It's not from C:DH or C:WH. It cropped up in earlier editions of C:SM (whereas now they just seem to ignore the issue), but the last place I remember seeing it was in the Rulebook. Either way, I've not seen anything incompatible with that interpretation.

Incorrect. Aside from the agreement outlined above, the Ecclesiarchy has declared at least one Chapter excommunicate traitoris off its own bat - the Steel Cobras were kicked out for worshipping the Emperor as an animal totem. The decision was upheld too.

I don't know if that's accurate. The way I read it, and I haven't been able to find the article as I looked for it, is that an Inquisitor observed their victory celebration and decided that their rituals were heretical and that's what got the ball rolling on the Excommunicate Traitorus.


You're thinking of the Sons of Malice (the cannibalistic rites I mentioned earlier). The Steel Cobras were excommunicated by "a particularly bombastic Cardinal".

"Be an Inquisition informer, betray your friends and family - Fabulous Prizes to be Won!"


#18
Ferrus Manus

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I know that you moderators must have a lot of these to go through so I would assume you are spending minimal time looking these over and giving comments. As I value you time very much and would like this to be the best It can, I would appreciate any comments you have for the betterment of my IA.

Thank you for your time reviewing my IA and I hope it is an enjoyable read.

I like you already. Also, apologies it's taken one of us so long to get back to you; we've all been rather busy lately.

+++Welcome+++
+++Query accepted: Knights of Shadowfury+++
+++Searching...History+++
+++Input Security Clearance+++
+++Welcome Librarian...Full access granted+++
+++Select version+++
+++Concise History Selected+++
+++Compiling Data+++

Personally, I've never been a fan of this sort of thing... it just seems messy.

“Into the darkness of war we stride, though death may follow us, our faith will bring the light to drive back the shadows that consume the ones who have fallen from the path” - Chaplain Vallis of the House Tan'em

Fine, no issues. But wouldn't it be a good idea to put this quote after the articles' first header? :lol:

DARKNESS INTO LIGHT: Knights of Shadowfury. Wraiths

I don't think this is strictly necessary. With this being formal writing I'd just go with 'Index Astartes: Knights of Shadowfury'

Armor is Midnight Blue
Trim and Weapons are White
Shoulders are Silver as well as the Back Power Pack
Tabard is White

I can see that from the image above. This isn't needed.

From what information that the Librarians were able to recover from Imperial data slates it was the beginning of the thirty second millennium that the Chapter, Knights of Shadowfury, was founded.

Bolded words need capitals.

The purpose of the chapters (1) creation was firstly to travel into the far reaches of the Centaurus arm (2) of the galaxy in Segmentium Ultima and bring stability back to the region. (3) Second to reconquer forgotten planets lost by humanity during the Great Hersey. (4)

1- It should be 'Chapter's '
2- 'Arm' it is a name.
3- These two sentences could be run together using a semi-colon.
4- Typo. It's 'Heresy.'

A quick note, in most instances chapter should have a capital as it is a Proper Noun when used in this context.

Much speculation has been aroused as to the parent chapter of the Knights but it has been assumed that the Salamanders are the most likely by imperial scholars.

You need a comma between 'Knights' and 'but'. Also, Imperial Scholars should have capitals.

The undeniable markings of Salamander technological sophistication, reverence and upkeep are clearly placed in the Knights doctrine.

'technological sophistication?' I would associate that with the Iron Hands not the Salamanders.

These sightings are nothing more than wispers from pirate or traitor vessels in the area and the Knights deny having any involvement with the T'au race.

It's 'whispers' and when talking about the race as a whole it's Tau. T'au is their world or origin.

The Chapter was gifted with several ships from the Forgeworlds of the Imperium and a special Strike Cruiser - “Scythe of Faith” from the forges of Mars itself.

Forge Worlds is two words. Secondly, why is this Strike Cruiser special?

The Chapter (1) as its first order of duty was sent off to reconquer forgotten worlds with a modest Imperial Navy crusade fleet (2&3) behind them. Initially met with great success (4) brushing aside any foolish enough to resist, recolonizing and bringing the light of the Imperium back to many long lost worlds. However this was not to be as it appeared a stronger force than even the Emperor was at work.

1- Need a comma here.
2- Crusade Fleet needs capitals.
3- Even a modest Crusade Fleet is fairly large. Why would they want a fledgling Chapter to head a crusade? Especially considering that the Imperium prefers tried and tested to brand new.
4- This sentence is a bit odd. It needs re-wording slightly. Perhaps 'The Crusade was met with initial success; brushing aside all pockets of resistance, bringing the light of the Imperium back to many lost worlds.'

~ Early History ~
To know the Knight of Shadowfury is to know their history and how it made them into what they are today. It is not just events that happened but how they happened and hows these events impacted the Chapter, changing them, morphing them, and even leading them down dark roads.

Furia Crusade - Culling of Ishtalvor

The first bit should really be at the top of the Origins section. The second bit should really title this section instead of 'Early History.'

Also, what's the Furia Crusade?

With the discovery of an early space faring civilization, Ishtalvor it was called. Built upon a once mighty human colony now fallen into ruin.

The first sentence is grammatically wrong. It needs changing.

As talks began, the Mechanicus was informed and several ships were dispatched to investigate such a rare find.

What talks and what rare find?

Quick note: names need capitals.

Having a new found reverence for the ancient technologies past and a newly forged relationship with the Mechanicus, the Knights of Shadowfury limped off to the nearby system of Tor.

Where did this reverence come from? If half their brethren are wiped out by old tech I think the last thing they would want to do is revere such technology. Also, why the Tor system?

The world is unique because of its rotation. One side of the planet is permanently dark, while the other faces the central star.

This doesn't make the world unique. In a galaxy full of over a million planets, your trying to tell me that there isn't another planet like this? Heck, I can think of at least one DIY Chapter whose homeworld is like this.

The majority of the population lives on the moderate “ring” between the two extreme zones of the planet.

Good. I like that.

I don't think pyrrhic needs a capital.

In the peoples eyes this was an honor as the Scith'ra were fearsome intelligent reptilian creatures that lived on the shadowed side of the planet

Should be 'people's '

As cultural integration occurred the Chapter Brotheren began to refer to themselves the Wraiths,

Typo. Should Brethren and it doesn't need a capital.

and it was that the Knights of Shadowfury became to be known as the Wraiths.

Ok, I'm confused. Are they the Knights of Shadowfury or the Wraiths?
 
My WIP Space Marine Chapter

#19
Ferrus Manus

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The three solar systems that encompass the small domain of the Wraiths while containing twenty-nine planets total (1) only five are suitable for human habitation.

1- Needs a comma.

Ok, at this point I am confused. Your now calling them the Wraiths and the Knights of Shadowfury. Which is it? Stick with the same one throughout the article.

Upholds some of the Codex's teachings but has over the many years in the far systems had to rely on only the few planets in sector and has accordingly adjusted its organization.

You've started mid-sentence.

Remember: names need capitals.

What's a Fury Battle Company?

They also keep track of the Chapters deepest secrets and acquired ancient knowledge.

Should be Chapter's.

Librarians are known as Adepts to the brotheren of the Knights. Being the great knowledge holders and generally venerated for their skills.

Again, it's brethren.

The younger Keepers have the job of maintaining equipment and teaching the new initiates the skills needed to repair minor battle damage.

Surely that's the job of the Admech?

This allows the Wraiths to field several more marines than would be normally acceptable under codex teachings, this is however seen as a necessity rather than an attempt to violate the codex.

Necessity by who? I doubt the INQ would be too happy to find that out.

To become a full Battle Brother the Initiates must prove themselves in battle as well as in sound mind and thought.

The same as every other Chapter then.

The combat doctrine of the Wraiths is based on these two principles.

If you're going that say this, you need to state explicitly what these two principles are.

by the Chapters Keepers.

Chapter's.

Because of these qualifications they are sought after by certain officials for their aptitude in void and desert fighting.

Who are these certain individuals?

After the events of the Age of Apostasy the Wraiths harbored no fondness for the Ecclisiarchy.

It's Ecclesiarchy, but heck, I had to look that up. :lol:

Generally a battle cry is never heard by the Wraiths.

Maybe cause they're saying it, not hearing it.

+++++++++++++++++

Right, your grammar and punctuation needs so work. Some of your sentences are clunky and awkward to read because it. Most of the time, you can solve it by sticking a comma in there.

Otherwise, you have some good ideas but it seems like your trying to make these guys too unique; over a thousand marines, a special Strike Cruiser from Mars etc etc... I think if you toned it down and let the Chapter speak for itself you could have something good on your hands.

Edited by Ferrus Manus, 28 June 2010 - 10:25 AM.

 
My WIP Space Marine Chapter

#20
Captain Juan Juarez

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Because of these qualifications they are sought after by certain officials for their aptitude in void and desert fighting.

Who are these certain individuals?


Also, why void and desert? Hardly complimentary skillsets, plus I'm not sure it really matters for an Astartes in terms of environment.


After the events of the Age of Apostasy the Wraiths harbored no fondness for the Ecclisiarchy.

It's Ecclesiarchy, but heck, I had to look that up. :)


Now I feel good that I haven't had to look up Ecclesiarchy since I first wanted to spell the word! :)

EDIT: In my sense of victory, I didn't spell "spell" correctly.. /facepalm

Edited by Captain Juan Juarez, 28 June 2010 - 06:42 PM.

" They made you to be untouched by God or mortal. As I cannot kill you, so I curse you, not with death but with life.

I curse you - with the pain of ten thousand days in the Dark Place, with the life's blood of a mage's sacrifice, with Death's authority held in my hands.

I curse you, and I strike your name from history, stripped of arrogance and pride, empty of the self you once knew, gutted of all you are. I take your name and all you have won by the strength of your hand. I curse you for eternity, to find only darkness where once you knew your own face.

And I dub you the Ragged Man."