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Swords of Orion

UM 12th Loyalist Orion Swords WIP Knights Honour

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#1
Brother Cambrius

Brother Cambrius

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Yes I am back yet again after another prolonged haitus. This time working and refining my Swords of Orion IA, with extra work on trying to forge a soul within the Chapter. So without further ado:


Chapter's Symbol – The gold sword represents the ever shining light of the Emperor and his divinity, whilst the star behind is known as the “Star of Guilliman”.
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The Swords of Orion have become a widely respected and feared chapter since their creation in the 12th great founding, within the 34th millennium. The chapter taken part in many notable crusades, including the cleansing of Halon’s Gate and defending the Imperium during a number of Black Crusades. The chapter were created from the seed of Guilliman from the Black Consuls chapter. Captain Achelon of the Second Company was given the honour of becoming the leader of the new chapter, his skill and unshakable faith in the Imperium and in honour making him the perfect candidate in the eyes of his chapter. Achelon decided to name his new chapter the Swords of Orion, representing themselves as the weapons of the mighty hunter of old mythology. Decreeing the Swords of Orion to become a fleet based chapter, so that they may crusade around the Imperium to counter any major threats, Achelon was given two blessings of faith by the Imperium. The Black Consuls donated a battle-barge, the “Relentless Spirit” and a battleship named the “Herald of Justice”, whilst the Mechanicum gifted a new battle-barge fresh from the shipyards of Hexon. Chapter Master Achelon named the battle barge the “Valiant Sword”, which became the chapter’s flagship.

For over twenty Terran years the chapter were tutored by their parent chapter in the art of warfare and partially assisted the Black Consuls during the 7th Black Crusade, where the Swords of Orion gained the honour of slaying the crazed, corrupted governor of Tropolis. The chapter were finally declared a fully operational chapter in 777.M34, with over four hundred brothers in their ranks ready to ravage and cleanse the enemies of the Imperium. Success after success came to the chapter over the following decades and they became a great ally to the Imperial armies around the area of the Orion Belt and in the Ultima Segmentum. The chapter also became strong allies to the Inquisitor Felix Takato and his retinue, who assisted the chapter whilst defending Imperial space from the inhabitants of the daemon infested Forenaught sector.

Phellenor


Around 400 years after the chapter’s creation, they were tasked in destroying the ancient Eldar spaceship, Phellenor as it ravaged through the Galactic North of the Segmentum Obscurus. The chapter chased and fought the Eldar for over a decade but soon, after heavy losses had been taken by the Eldar after the assault on Fermax Prime, the ship’s engines were damaged by a lucky Nova Cannon shot leaving the mighty Eldar spacecraft vulnerable, the Swords of Orion prepared to board it. Seeing the opportunity to finally rid the Imperium of this Eldar menace, the Swords of Orion called for assistance, knowing that their chapter wouldn’t be enough to take down the mighty ship and soon their brother chapter, the Falcons Sanguine answered the call. It was decided that a large boarding party from both chapters would be used, where the Falcons would start the initial assault with their Death Company striking first and then the Swords of Orion would follow and plant the vortex grenade charges in the engine bay.
Captian Locus of the 3rd Comapny
”The Eldar are the most dishonourable warriors within our galaxy. They strike from behind like cowards and show no honour in their work. The incidents from the destruction of Phellenor have only tempered our hate for the xenos filth more and we shall never let them forget the cowardly acts they performed upon our brothers.”
The fierceness of the Blood Angel successors created a massacre as they headed towards the engine bays, following the source of heat created by them. All was going well and the charges were placed in the engine bay, but disaster struck for the marines as the timed detonator was damaged by a counterattack from the Eldar. Seeing that time was running out for victory, Veteran Ixion of the Swords of Orion declared that he would sacrifice himself and set it off manually as he took cover. With reluctance, Chapter Master Aliton agreed and blessed him before he led his brothers back to the boarding boats alongside the Falcons Sanguine. The two chapters then fought a bloody path back towards the boarding ships. As the chapters headed back towards their respective ships and pulled out, Veteran Ixion was given a psychic message by the Epistolary of the Swords of Orion and detonated the charges, splitting the mighty craft in two and killing all on board.

After the battle, the chapter declared a week of praise and celebration in memory Veteran Ixion’s noble sacrifice and the chapter held a tight bond of brotherhood with the marines of the Falcons Sanguine. The battle brothers within the Swords of Orion now hold onto and attempt to exemplify Veteran Ixion’s example of sacrifice and heroism and they hope that their sacrifice to victory will be as great and as noble as Ixion’s.

Craftworld Ian’nor

As the two chapters split away and departed across the stars to Imperial docks to be refitted and repaired, the Craftworld Ian’nor came across the remains of Phellenor after receiving a distress signal from them. The Eldar vowed that punishment would be given to the two chapters that destroyed the members of Phellenor. As the Falcons Sanguine celebrated in their fleet from the victory, the Eldar Craftworld attacked without warning and decimated the chapter; all but three companies survived the terrible onslaught after retreating. The chapter have been a sombre one ever since that day of bloodshed and hold an intense hate for all Eldar. The Swords of Orion fared better for their actions and the chapter’s fleet split into their respective companies and moved onto their separate patrols around the Orion belt
Two days after the chapter’s fleet split apart, Craftworld Ian’nor suddenly attacked the small fleet of the second company and after destroying its communication arrays, the Eldar mercilessly annihilated every ship in its path before disappearing into the webway once more. A faint distress signal was given out by the flagship of the second company, “Spirit of Justice” and was picked up by the chapter master’s fleet four days after the massacre. He called for the entire chapter to rally on his point and then search for any remnants from the second company, but all that was left was floating wrecks with no survivors. After seeing
The Unknown Chapter
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Some of the chapter’s geneseed was taken by the High Lords of Terra during the 21st “Cursed” founding to create a new chapter. All records of this chapter seemed to be expunged after the cursed founding and the chapter declared “destroyed” for unknown reasons, but an image bearing their heraldry is still on records and it has been seen a number of times in battle upon Armageddon and during the 12th and 13th Black Crusade. The Swords of Orion see this a small stain upon their honour and try to discover who the chapter are and find out why they were deemed as destroyed.
such terrible destruction and soon hearing of the plight of the Falcons Sanguine, chapter master Aliton declared that when the Craftworld would return to Imperial space again, he would crush it in the name of the Second Company and the Falcons Sanguine.

Aftermath

The losses taken by the Swords of Orion were deeply felt by the entire chapter, when the Mechanicum donated two new ships to the chapter after the damage caused by Ian’nor. They were named the “Wrath of Ixion,” as a reminder of the sacrifice made by the veteran and the “Honour of Keyen” as a mark of respect to the dead captain and brothers of the second company. A new banner was made for the Second Company when they were fully reformed in 201.M35 that bore the head of an Eldar in a ball of flame with a golden sword through it. The Wrath of Ixion became the flagship of the Second Company and remains so to this day.

The Falcons Sanguine chapter took over 250 years to fully recover from the devastating blow given by Craftworld Idharae, they have remained a very sombre chapter since the incident but hold no blame to the Swords of Orion chapter for their destruction but their Chapter Master, Harad Bloodwing executed himself for believing that he had caused the losses in his chapter by answering the call from the Swords of Orion. The Falcons then went upon a vengeful crusade around the stars to avenge their losses, following every report of Eldar activity and extinguishing their existence. The chapter are now deemed the best-suited chapter within their sector for dealing with Eldar incursions.

Since the Phellenor incident and its aftermath, the Falcons Sanguine and the Sword of Orion have aided each other on numerous occasions and when Craftworld Ian’nor reappeared in 593.M37, both chapters were the first to take arms and fight against the Eldar menace.

The Black Crusades


The Swords of Orion have taken part in many actions against the forces of chaos in a number of the Despoiler’s Black Crusades. Their actions during the ninth crusade saved the vitally strategic defence system of the Bloodmoons from the clutches renegade chapter, the “Legion of Hatred”. The Swords of Orion also defended the Galina sub sector from the Word Bearers as they fought to capture the demonically possessed Warlord Titan “Soulflayer”. Such heroic defences aren’t without major sacrifices as the chapter has learnt.

In the dying embers of the 12th Black Crusade, the Swords of Orion defended the planet of Theda Primus from the Legion of Hatred once more. The chaos chapter were mustering for a final assault to take the Hive City of Phalanx Prime. Daemon Prince Khar’konum, leader of the Legion of Hatred had rallied together a cohort of mechanized traitor guardsmen alongside the remnants of his chaos marines. The two armies met at Crescent Gorge and on those desert fields a titanic and apocalyptic battle took place but the heretics were creating massive losses with the heavy weaponry utilized by the guardsmen. All seemed loss as the banners and captains of the third and fifth company fell to a sudden incursion of vicious daemons. But as the Swords of Orion were being pushed back, a strange ally emerged from the smoke and began to cut through the chaos force’s lines. It was the widely awed and fabled Legion of the Damned. The legendary warriors scythed through the lines of chaos filth,
Black Consuls Annihilation
When news reached the chapter of the annihilation of their parent chapter, a month of mourning was held throughout the Swords of Orion. A single black candle was lit within the main chapel aboard the flagship, the Valiant Sword. A black candle now always remains lit in remembrance of the chapter’s “parents”. In remembrance, the Black Consuls’ symbol was placed on the left kneepad of each marine in memory of the loss. Small contingents of marines from the Swords of Orion stand vigil over the Black Consuls’ homeworld and Fortress Monastery, in case the Black Consuls should one day return.
cutting down swathes every second.

Watching in wonder as his new allies cut hundreds of daemons down, Chapter Master Neptus rallied his men and charged towards the lines of the enemy, the fallen banners of the third and fifth were recovered and raised up by the second company as they charged with righteous hate and faith for victory. The charge pushed the chaos enemy back and soon Neptus challenged the Daemon Prince Khar'konum. The two fought tooth and nail but after an age of duelling, Neptus was struck down to the cries of despair from his brothers. But as Khar'konum brought down his final blow to end Neptus’ life, the marine released a vortex grenade at the Daemon's feet, sucking them both into the screaming warp. With their leader gone, the chaos force broke in strength and morale and began to retreat with the Swords of Orion cutting them down.

In the blood tainted dust of the aftermath, the chapter searched for their commander and for the Legion of the Damned, but all that was found of Neptus was his sword, the “Blade of Orion” and his helmet that bore the Star of Guilliman. The Legion of the Damned was also nowhere to be seen. The wargear was taken and blessed in the cathedral at the Hive City by Master of Sanctity; Helios Sadar, a close friend of Neptus. The cathedral is now a sacred site for the chapter and a small detachment of marines attend a service every decade in remembrance of the losses taken that fateful day and to give praise their fallen Chapter Master. The “Blade of Orion” and helmet worn by Neptus are now sacred relics and are worn into battle by every Chapter Master who leads his brothers in battle.

Recent Actions

The chapter have taken part in a number of significant recent actions, including in the third War for Armageddon against the Orks and in destroying a number of Necron tomb worlds, however the chapter are still on the lookout for Craftworld Ian’nor to avenge the losses suffered by themselves and the Falcons Sanguine. The Swords of Orion have clashed with the Legion of Hatred many times since the battle for Crescent Gorge and every time, the Sword of Orion and Star of Guilliman have been brought into battle against them, wielded by the chapter master. The current chapter master, Krall Thorin has slain many leaders of the Legion of Hate in recent actions against them, including in the 12th Black Crusade and in the second defence of Fermax Prime. Craftworld Ian’nor still seeks revenge for the blood of those that the chapter and the Falcons Sanguine inflicted upon Phellenor, but none have been as devastating as the aftermath from destroying the Eldar battleship. Relations with the Falcons Sanguine since the aftermath have stayed strong and the Swords of Orion readily call to the aid of the Falcons Sanguine in thanks and remembrance for their service all those millennia ago. From the chapter’s history of defence and sacrifice, the chapter keep the ethos that the sacrifice of one for victory is a noble end for any man. Thus the Astartes of the chapter are entirely fearless and will take greater risks for victory than other chapter might.

The Orion Belt + Recruitment


The chapter has operated around the Orion Belt sector within the Segmentum Solar since its inception in 777.M34. Often dealing with Ork incursions and Chaos assaults, the chapter are seen as the region’s “vengeful angels” whom strike without warning to enact justice on the xenos and chaos menaces. The Orion Belt itself contains numerous planets that are tactically vital to the war effort of the Imperium, including three major forgeworlds and hundreds of agri-worlds to feed to ever growing Imperium’s population and its armies. Warp storms do occasionally roar through the void of space and devour entire planets or release their horde of chaos warriors and demons upon the Imperial sectors. Thus the Swords of Orion have faced the traitors of the Imperium and the denizens of the warp many a time and hold a strong hate for the betrayal of the Chaos Marines. The chapter sees the coward and the traitor as the greatest enemies of humanity and the ultimate crimes, where no mercy can be given. It is true to say that the Swords of Orion fight the Chaos Marines with the greatest ferocity and show no mercy to anything or anyone associated with them, including planets where chaos incursions have occurred.
Chapter Master Krall Seron
”Cowardice is heresy. Heresy is a crime only punishable by death.”

“Never turn your back upon the enemy. To do so is to display you fear them. We are the Emperor’s chosen. We do not know of fear. Those who show fear are not worthy of His service and deserve only one punishment. Extermination.”

Being a fleet based chapter, The Swords of Orion use a number of planets for recruitment. They are mostly medieval feudal worlds, where young knights train in the clans and armies of the planet and hopefully join the ranks of the "Immortal Angels" (the chapter) if they are deemed worthy enough when the “angels” descend upon the planet to recruit more members through a series of trials. These trials include splitting the many hopefuls into groups of 25 and then, they all each duel against each other and the winner from the battle is chosen to go to the next stage of recruitment, which includes the climbing of the “Unforgiving Mountain” and defeating a combat servitor with only a small combat knife. When an initiate finally joins the rank of the chapter as a scout, he has a sword etched onto his left shoulder with a heated blade and on top of his primary heart, representing that even if they lose everything against the enemy their heart and soul will always stay with the chapter. The Scout is then presented with the blade that was used to etch the chapter’s symbol onto his body. If a marine was to turn from the chapter and Emperor’s light, he’s found and executed, but before his execution the etchings are burnt away from his skin, representing that he’s no longer a member of the chapter and they have lost the bond of brotherhood that resides in each Astartes of the Swords of Orion.


Organisation + Combat Doctrine


The Swords of Orion follow the codex’s teachings to the letter as they see Guilliman as the saviour of mankind and the Imperium during the Scouring. Codex markings are used throughout the chapter and their shoulder-pad trims are coloured to represent each company. The only deviation in markings is the unique way a captain is represented in each company; every captain’s weapon is painted in the colour of his company, as is the Star of Guilliman in the chapter’s symbol. The heraldry of the captain is placed on a small shield that’s attached to their left shoulder pad, in similar fashion to the Iron Knights.
Festival of the Sword
On the 77th year of every century, the “Festival of the Sword” is held celebrating the time when the chapter became fully independent. Many contests are held and the most prominent is the League of Orion. This is a great sporting event, where two champions are chosen from each of the four battle companies and they take part in a gruelling “decathlon” and the final round to decide the true champion, the top scoring two contestants “joust” each other using a bike with a metal lance and storm shield attached. The winner from that battle is then presented the “Axe of Ixion” by the chapter master and the champion’s company hold the honour of carrying it into battle until the next festival.

The chapter rely heavily on fast, mechanised assaults, relying on Rhinos and Land Raiders to strike deep into the heart of the enemy, with Vindicators at the forefront of an assault. The chapter rarely use Drop Pods as their method of getting to the surface of a planet unless a severely rapid attack is required, so the chapter utilise squadrons of Thunderhawks instead, as a method of striking down on the enemy before they land. Pilots of the Swords of Orion have often been seconded to the Hawk Lords chapter, to learn further skill in their craft in the fabled “Talon’s Wing”. The Swords of Orion do not possess a fortress monastery like many other chapters. Being fleet based instead, their flagship, the “Valiant Sword” is used as the chapter’s headquarters. Keeps and small fortresses however are kept on strategic planets for recruitment, including Theda Primus and the Bloodmoons.

The chapter fleet is normally split into five separate fleets, where each is led by a captain and with elements from the reserves, veteran and scout company. The smaller fleet is comprised normally of one battle barge and a dozen smaller cruisers with defence ships patrolling around them in tight formation. The small fleets always stay within ten light-years of each other to ensure that if one is attacked, the rest can come to their aid within a short time.

The sword is regarded in the highest degree amongst the entire chapter and very rarely does a commander or veteran choose to use a different shape of blade as a weapon. To wield a power sword into battle is seen as a great honour and only the most experienced of veteran sergeants wield them. When a member of the chapter is indoctrinated into the 1st company, a golden sword is added onto their right shoulder pad, looking like it’s been struck through the pad. The veteran is also presented with a golden blade to be worn on their belt as decoration and the symbol of the chapter is etched into their right shoulder, to match the previous etching on their left that was made in their “ascension” to an Astartes. Plasma weapons are also regarded in the highest degree of respect and honour as well as it epitomises the ever-shining light of the Emperor and the fury that lies within them.

The most sacred and venerated sword in the chapter is the fabled “Blade of Orion” that chapter master Neptus wielded when he fought with the Daemon Prince Khar’konum. It is only used in the direst of circumstances and when not used it is kept on the main altar of the chapel aboard the Valiant Sword inside a block of black obsidian.

Beliefs


The chapter hold many knightly virtues and hate and despise cowards in all forms. They have been known to publicly execute squads of Imperial Guardsmen whom have fled out of fear from battle. This was seen during the 12th Black Crusade when the hapless 21st Gregorian Guard regiment retreated from their lines as a mass of daemons attacked and their commanders were publicly executed in front of the other regiments as a warning of the punishment for cowardice. The chapter have gained a fearful reputation since with all of the Imperial Guard units that they fight with. The chapter however also values and praises heroism and the willing sacrifice of a small band of people or a single person to turn the course of battle. Whilst this is the sentiment of practically every Astartes, the chapter focus upon this belief further. Thus the newer recruits within the chapter can be reckless at times until they learn to control when duty truly calls for such a sacrifice. The chapter see the Emperor as the great all father of mankind and so they have an endless fury and are disgusted and shamed by their fallen brethren who betrayed humanity and its father. The chapter hold the belief that he who turns away from his brothers is a coward, deserving no mercy from anyone. The only way they could redeem themselves would be through death, to be judged by the Emperor himself. Thus if the chapter discovered any intelligence on a traitor being nearby in their systems, they would be the first to exact justice upon the traitors.

Battlecry


The battlecry of the chapter is traditionally “For Orion and the Emperor!” but deviations of it are often heard. The chapter’s motto is “May the sword of golden justice strike through tainted hearts!” This is often tattooed onto the right hand of a marine or across their backs above an Imperial Aquila.

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And that is all, comments welcome!

Cambrius

Edited by Brother Cambrius, 10 March 2013 - 01:31 PM.

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#2
Chaptermaster Graymantle

Chaptermaster Graymantle

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No, no, no Brother Cambrius; your doing it all wrong! ^_^
You need to go back and work on the Sons of Doom now! :)

But seriously, I am happy to see you fleshing out another of your many, many DIYs, and I'm sorry that I don't have the time to read it and give you a proper reply at this time, but keep it up!

- The Sons of Doom are still my favourite though. :)

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#3
Brother Cambrius

Brother Cambrius

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No, no, no Brother Cambrius; your doing it all wrong! :P
You need to go back and work on the Sons of Doom now! ;)

But seriously, I am happy to see you fleshing out another of your many, many DIYs, and I'm sorry that I don't have the time to read it and give you a proper reply at this time, but keep it up!

- The Sons of Doom are still my favourite though. B)


Ahh well you see now CMG, my personal PC is currently having the hardrive replaced with a new one (as the other pretty much tore itself to pieces) so I cannot transfer any of my work on the SODs just yet until after the 16th, when I'm back at University. so the sons of Doom are on standby until then.

I look forward to seeing your comments.

Cambrius

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#4
Chaptermaster Graymantle

Chaptermaster Graymantle

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Well, I am sorry I haven't replied yet Brother Cambrius!
Here is a little something while you wait:

Posted Image

Hope you like it!
CMG

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#5
Brother Cambrius

Brother Cambrius

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... *dies* That is awesomeness CMG! I'm humbled by this gift! Take your time in replying mate, I can appreciate if other matters come first. :yes:

Cambrius

Edited by Brother Cambrius, 23 September 2010 - 12:30 AM.

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#6
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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It's been a while since you last graced the hallowed halls of the Liber Cambrius! Good to see you back.

I'm rather bushed from work but I'll see what I can get through before I slump over my keyboard because, to do otherwise would be doing you a disservice.

The Swords of Orion have become a widely respected and feared chapter in their time since their creation within the 12th great founding in the 34th millennium. They have taken part in many notable crusades, including the cleansing of Halon’s Gate and defending the Imperium during a number of Black Crusades. The chapter were created from the seed of Guilliman from the Black Consuls chapter. Captain Achelon of the second company was given the honour of being the leader of the chapter. He decided to name them the Swords of Orion, as they were the knights and protectors of the Orion Belt where they would be stationed. Decreeing the Swords of Orion to become a fleet based chapter, he was given two blessings of faith by the Imperium. The Black Consuls donated a battle-barge, the “Relentless Spirit” and a battleship named the “Herald of Justice”, whilst the Mechanicum gifted a new battle-barge fresh from the shipyards of Hexon. Chapter Master Achelon named the battle barge the “Valiant Sword”, and it became the chapter’s flagship.


This entire section, at least for me, reads rather haltingly. It's like it's been cut up by far too many full-stops and it never really finds a flow or stride that you can settle in to. The section below it has no such problems though and reads rather nicely. I could just be being rather picky but that's how I'm reading it.

It's not something debilitating and it doesn't get in the way of the information being presented, it just feels like the first thing you're getting into as the reader is having a rather choppy start.

The chapter chased and fought the Eldar for over a year but soon, after heavy losses had been taken by the Eldar, after the assault on Fermax Prime and the ship’s engines were damaged by a lucky Nova Cannon shot, the Swords of Orion prepared to board it.


This doesn't read well for me. In fact the entire section is a bit... unpolished compared to work you've done in the past. It feels a tiny bit rushed overall, really. The section in bold feels like it's missing a word, 'but had soon', etc.

As an aside, just how big and powerful is this ship? If it's so damned destructive why haven't the Eldar used it do defend their ailing craftworlds or rescue the ones that have fallen into the EoT or off the grid in general? The reason I ask is because single chapters have assaulted entire craftworlds before and, while they got off with a severe mauling they weren't destroyed.

Craftworlds are rather large and heavily defended. This is just one ship, just what kind of ship is this that can get away with all this? It honestly sounds more like a Necron Tomb Ship of some larger degree than the norm than it does an Eldar vessel. I also don't really see the reasoning behind the attacks, I don't think the Eldar really want to make themselves more of a target than they already are.

With reluctance, Chapter Master Aliton agreed and blessed him before he led his brothers back to the boarding boats alongside the Falcons Sanguine. The two chapters then fought a bloody path back towards the boarding ships. As the chapters headed back towards their respective ships and pulled out, Veteran Ixion was given a psychic message by the Epistolary of the Swords of Orion and detonated the charges, splitting the mighty craft in two and killing all on board.


This sounds more like a craftworld. Just how many of this dying race were on board this ship? Large isn't really the Eldar's style either. Sleek, fast, subtle, yes definitely. Large, obvious and virtually a walking target for Imperial hatred and xenophobia? I don't see it.

After the battle, the chapter declared a week of fasting and praise for Veteran Ixion’s noble sacrifice and the chapter held a tight bond of brotherhood with the marines of the Falcons Sanguine.


I strongly think that this section should be chopped down severely and turned into a sidebar as it doesn't do anything for the article as a main section.



Unfortunately I'm starting to lose focus and I don't want to start rambling and raving about things that are either minor or, in the light of day, don't make sense.

On skimming it all it hit me that it seems a bit like the article is polarized between two almost genuinely 'different' styles. One looks like it's from a previous draft, unchanged and the others look revisited and better set out. I wonder if this is a result of editing and rewriting only select sections but I feel like it would do the entire IA a service to perhaps rewrite it. Not change the information so much as to simply present it a bit more coherently.

On reflection, perhaps it's just me and that I'm just a bit tired right now but that's the impression I get and it wouldn't be constructive criticism if I said otherwise. Really I think you're more into the image of your chapter in your mind and are sometimes letting the over-detailing bleed into the article.

I like the theme, the stalwart and zealous defenders of Orion and I'm pretty sure I remember their colour scheme from a while back when you were last here and it's all good stuff. I particularly like the tie in and relationship to the Black Consuls as you don't really ever hear or see much of those issues in DIY's.

I know it sounds a bit negative but I don't think there is anything really 'wrong' with the Swords, if merely that perhaps another draft would be good for them.

The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#7
Chaptermaster Graymantle

Chaptermaster Graymantle

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... *dies* That is awesomeness CMG! I'm humbled by this gift! Take your time in replying mate, I can appreciate if other matters come first. :rolleyes:

Cambrius

Well, I just thought I would let you know that I also put up a dedicated art thread for the insignia here:
http://www.bolterand...howtopic=211724

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#8
elohimalpha

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Enjoyable read altogether, and I love the Chapter's name. I agree with Grey Hunter Ydalir that the history of the battle with the Phellenor could use some revision. If the Eldar lost this mega-ship, would they really be so eager to send a Craftworld in to a battle with the same guys who blew it up? I like the "forging of bonds" with the Falcons Sanguine - gives a nice depth and complexity to their history.

One thing I was confused on in the recruiting section: do they recruit from all these different worlds, and then bring the survivors to the "Unforgiving" mountain range? Or do they just find the worst mountains on each planet? And how good is a combat servitor in a fight? Is there a techmarine around preventing mindlock?

I dig the inter-company combat trials, and that they abhor cowards. Executing an entire company of IG sounds . . . harsh to the point of maybe some Inquisitors should look into it (of course, maybe I'm being too soft ). Executing the commanders that ordered the retreat and making a very public display of it could generate the same trepidation in other IG, and would skirt the "heretic" question. Maybe build on how they prize heroism and sacrifice, giving an example from their history. I know the far future is grimdark and all, but its always good to see humanity win through.

Again, really good stuff so far.

ETL_2016_Banner_02_Oath_Breaker.jpg

”Do not trouble me with your mewling about the past. Concern yourself with the war tomorrow will bring. How will you wield your sword with your hands in the rubble?” – Captain Ulixies Bucinum, Lions of the Dawn 10th Company


#9
Brother Cambrius

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Thanks for the replies gents. Now it turns out that this is actually an older version of my work and there is a much more improved version on my computer back in Pembs. So I'm going to try and recover it and upload the more updated version this weekend to see if anything you have mentioned has been changed already or not. I did give the Phellenor incident a bigger cleaning sweep and there's a number of quotes to add to the flavour of the chapter in it so here's hoping I can get it soon.

Thnak you for the critiques thus far. :D

Cambrius

Edited by Brother Cambrius, 23 September 2010 - 11:14 PM.

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#10
Brother Cambrius

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Updated version added including quite possibly edits to problems people have mentioned earlier. ^_^

Cambrius

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#11
Brother Cambrius

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A few extra edits/rewrites done. Opinions?

Cambrius

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#12
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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The chapter hold many knightly virtues and hate and despise cowards in all forms. They have been known to execute entire companies of Imperial Guard who have fled from battle.


I know it's not quite the full range critique you were hoping for (probably) but this has niggled at me for a while.

Whole companies? Entire Imperial Guard companies put the the sword for retreating? That's worse than the Commissars who merely threaten violence or at least execute incompetent officers at worst, forcing the men to at least fight the enemy.

What does the Munitorum and the Administratum have to say about this?

I would also clarify that they know the difference between tactical discretion, as in a sound withdrawal to save your forces and running away from battle because you've let fear overwhelm you.

But the chapter also value and praise heroism and the willing sacrifice of a small band of people or a single person to turn the course of battle, thus the newer Astartes within the chapter can be reckless at times until they learn to control when duty truly calls for such a sacrifice.


I know you didn't mean it to come across like this but it really feels like this bit is detracting from their 'no retreat, no surrender!' mentality I commented on above. It seems more like you're trying to counterbalance the chapters harsh side with a very noble sentiment. I'd rather you just left them as being harsh and uncompromising.

After all, just about every space marine is willing to lay down his life in a noble sacrifice for what he believes in and are just about always the 'few' that turn the tide of battle despite the forces arrayed against them. That's actually the Astartes in a nutshell right there.

The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#13
Ace Debonair

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Only one thing really leapt out at me, in the sidebar about the Black Consuls.

In remembrance, the Black Consuls’ symbol was placed on the left kneepad of each marine to remember the loss.


Perhaps change the latter to 'in memory of the loss'?

Other than that, cool.
'Tis a fine IA you have there. :wacko:

#14
Brother Cambrius

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Thanks Ace, I'll adjust that when I'm back off campus. :wacko:

Cambrius

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#15
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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'Tis a fine IA you have there.


I can only echo this. I'd like to see these guys finally get into the Librarium alongside The Sons of Doom Cam, they deserve it. I'll assume you haven't submitted it yet, since you've been asking for more c&c recently.

The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#16
Brother Cambrius

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Yeah they're not sumbitted just yet, wanted one final clarification before I send them to be dissected by the Librarians. :wacko: Now to work on those extra adjustments. Many thanks!

Cambrius

Edited by Brother Cambrius, 14 October 2010 - 11:02 AM.

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#17
Brother Cambrius

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Final adjustments made! Now to face our blue armoured brothers...

Cambrius

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#18
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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Good luck Cam! They shall come bearing force-bowling balls, as Ace would have it. :blush:

The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#19
Brother Cambrius

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Good luck Cam! They shall come bearing force-bowling balls, as Ace would have it. :woot:


Then I will simply counter with my thunder hammer and cry out "Fore!" after all, I had the Ryder Cup in my back yard this year. :P

Cambrius

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#20
Octavulg

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The Swords of Orion have become a widely respected and feared chapter in their time since their creation within the 12th great founding in the 34th millennium. They have taken part in many notable crusades, including the cleansing of Halon’s Gate and defending the Imperium during a number of Black Crusades. The chapter were created from the seed of Guilliman from the Black Consuls chapter. Captain Achelon of the second company was given the honour of being the leader of the chapter. He decided to name them the Swords of Orion, as they were the knights and protectors of the Orion Belt where they would be stationed. Decreeing the Swords of Orion to become a fleet based chapter, he was given two blessings of faith by the Imperium. The Black Consuls donated a battle-barge, the “Relentless Spirit” and a battleship named the 'Herald of Justice', whilst the Mechanicum gifted a new battle-barge fresh from the shipyards of Hexon. Chapter Master Achelon named the battle barge the 'Valiant Sword', which became the chapter’s flagship.


These details are mostly unnecessary.

For over twenty Terran years the chapter were tutored by their parent chapter in the art of warfare and partially assisted the Black Consuls during the 7th Black Crusade, where the Swords of Orion gained the honour of slaying the crazed, corrupted governor of Tropolis. The chapter were finally declared a fully operational chapter in 777.M34, with over four hundred brothers in their ranks ready to ravage and cleanse the enemies of the Imperium. Success after success came to the chapter over the following decades and they became a great ally to the Imperial armies around the area of the Orion Belt and in the Ultima Segmentum. The chapter also became strong allies to the Inquisitor Felix Takato and his retinue, who assisted the chapter whilst defending Imperial space from the inhabitants of the daemon infested Forenaught sector.


As are these ones. It's nice to know where a Chapter came from, but it's equally nice to get to the point.

Around 400 years after the chapter’s creation, they were tasked in destroying the ancient Eldar spaceship, Phellenor as it ravaged through the Orion Belt. The chapter chased and fought the Eldar for over a year but soon, after heavy losses had been taken by the Eldar, after the assault on Fermax Prime and the ship’s engines were damaged by a lucky Nova Cannon shot, the Swords of Orion prepared to board it. Seeing the opportunity to finally rid the Imperium of this Eldar menace, the Swords of Orion called for assistance, knowing that their chapter wouldn’t be enough to take down the mighty ship and soon their brother chapter, the Falcons Sanguine answered the call. It was decided that a large boarding party from both chapters would be used, where the Falcons would start the initial assault with their Death Company striking first and then the Swords of Orion would follow and plant the vortex grenade charges in the engine bay.


IAs should be effectively standalone. Dragging in the Falcons Sanguine implies we should either know something about them or that they should be so generic we shouldn't need to. The Death Company says they're not the latter, as does them being a "brother Chapter" of the Swords of Orion.

After the battle, the chapter declared a week of fasting and praise for Veteran Ixion’s noble sacrifice and the chapter held a tight bond of brotherhood with the marines of the Falcons Sanguine. The battle brothers within the Swords of Orion now hold onto and attempt to exemplify Veteran Ixion’s example of sacrifice and heroism and they hope that their sacrifice to victory will be as great and as noble as Ixion’s.


Again...what was the point of all that? How did it move us forward on the Road of Making A Unique Chapter?

* * *

Why? What makes this Chapter unique? An IA should be exploring a chapter's unique character and outlook on the Imperium, life, and ending the lives of those not in the Imperium. At the moment, what we have here is a list of battles and some relatively disjointed personality traits. It doesn't feel like a united whole, and it doesn't seem to have a coherent theme. It's just...a bunch of stuff.

What makes this Chapter unique? What is their theme? What unique trait, quirk or views do they have that make them interesting?

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

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#21
Brother Cambrius

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Why? What makes this Chapter unique? An IA should be exploring a chapter's unique character and outlook on the Imperium, life, and ending the lives of those not in the Imperium. At the moment, what we have here is a list of battles and some relatively disjointed personality traits. It doesn't feel like a united whole, and it doesn't seem to have a coherent theme. It's just...a bunch of stuff.

What makes this Chapter unique? What is their theme? What unique trait, quirk or views do they have that make them interesting?


*sighs* This does appear to be a major wall that I can never penetrate with my IAs...any idea on how to convey their persona and uniqueness across?

Cambrius

Edited by Brother Cambrius, 26 October 2010 - 11:45 AM.

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#22
Octavulg

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Cambrius, if I could explain how to convey unique and interesting character quickly and effectively, I wouldn't be here. :)

That said - when in doubt, back to basics. Describe the Chapter in a sentence.

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Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#23
Brother Cambrius

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Hmm, if I were to describe my guys in one sentence, it'd be:

"A chapter who exemplifies honour in battle above all things, merciless to those who show their lack of honour through betrayal or cowardice."

Cambrius

Edited by Brother Cambrius, 06 November 2010 - 04:18 PM.

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#24
Octavulg

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Honor in battle...OK

How does that show itself? How does is that reflected in other aspects of the Chapter? What effects does it have on their fighting? Their tactical choices? Their recruit selection?

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

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Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#25
Brother Cambrius

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Honor in battle...OK

How does that show itself? How does is that reflected in other aspects of the Chapter? What effects does it have on their fighting? Their tactical choices? Their recruit selection?


After much mulling over and doing numerous accursed assignments set to me by the University's personal Inquisitio-I mean lecturers... :) I bring some answers:

The honour in battle often shows itself by the actions of the chapter itself. They never cower within the shadows and kill silently as the Raven Guad do so. They believe that Guerrilla Warfare is beneath them, that the enemy should see whom it is who has sent them to eternal damnation. Often the Astartes look into the eyes of the enemy they have killed to watch life its leave it when it is viable. Very rarely do the chapter participate in defensive campaigns, preferring to assault with their fast moving mechanised bridages, breaking the defences of the enemy with one great assault. As quoted by Captain Seren "As Asartes we always attack. If we are forced to defend, then we have failed somewhere and it brings shame upon us all."

When recruiting, the chapter choose from numerous worlds due to them being fleetbased, allowing for a wide variety of talents or knacks to help gain an edge in combat. The recruits must be ones who show courage and no fear in all things and must win their combats in the trials by showing respect in what they have slain, displaying that they have the honour and nobility to become a battle brother.

Did that make sense? ;)

Cambrius

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