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Vlka Fenryka: WIP/PIP + Warband Fluff

Vlka Fenryka Space Wolves Lost Company

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#1
MaveriK

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Back in July 29th of 2008 I wrote my friend Dark Bjoern telling him about my fluff and his thoughts and or opinions on it. This is basic idea of my army, The War Wolves of Fenris. I hope you enjoy! comments and or questions are more than welcome.
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Prologue

Imperial Records indicate that around 218. M31: The surviving Wolf Lords of the Space Wolves Legion gathered together and elected Bjorn the Fell-Handed as their leader, awarding him the title Great Wolf. Bjorn gathers together the chapter and announces the Great Hunt in an attempt to find their Primarch, the wolf king Leman Russ. Legend say that the Great Hunt ends in failure and sadness..

Act I: The Phantom Wolves Return

Rune lord, Njal Stormcaller tells the tale of the phantom wolves. They are the wolf hounds of Morkai, warriors of the wolf king, Leman Russ. Forever roaming the galaxy, without a wolf lord. The war wolves are led by the last of the Varangi, his name is Uncas the warblade. Accompanied along side by five of Bjorn the Fell-Handed's wolf guard named Wulfric, Rothgar, Gunnar, Jotun, and Tyr. Along with a 100 Fenris warriors, who all swore an oath under their great wolf's banner. Their story is an epic tale known today as the wardancer saga.

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It was Uncas who helped gathered the remaining wolf lords, electing Bjorn the Fell-Handed as their new leader and giving Bjorn the title of "Great Wolf." Uncas along with the wolf priest, and rune priest became Bjorn's mentors and personal advisors. The wolf council was formed, and set forth the task of uniting the warriors of Fenris, and protecting the borders of the Fenris sector. It was a new age, a time when the entire Imperium of man seemed lost without an Emperor and a Wolf King. Uncas, eventually took on the role of wolf guard battle leader, fighting for the great wolf Bjorn the Fell-Handed. Many wars and campaigns were fought under the new great wolf, bringing honor to the sons of Russ and restoring glory to the Imperium of man.

Uncas was but the youngest member of the Wolf King's war council. It was a brotherhood of hardened warriors, and amongst these axe brothers was a mighty warrior and close friend named Buleye of the thirteen great company. Leman of the Russ admired Uncas's rebellious ways, and called him a MaveriK. Uncas would fight along side Leman on many wars, earning his place amongst the mightiest of the Vlka Fenryka. Bjorn the Fell-Handed and Uncas became great friends, as the first great wolf took on the role as leader of the once legion. It was during this time, that Bjorn announced the first great hunt.

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In the early days of the newly formed chapter, wolf companies were much larger and varied in size. During the first great hunt, the great wolf decided to split his great company into two smaller warbands. In hopes to widening the search for their great primarch, Leman Russ. One warband was lead by the great wolf, while the other was lead by Uncas. The first great hunt ended in failure, although wars were fought and worlds were liberated, the hunt for the wolf king was unsuccessful. Witnesses report that, Uncas and his fleet was heading back home to Fenris, when all of a sudden the gates of Morkai swallowed the fleet whole into hell itself forever cementing their sacrifice in history, at the halls of Russ. Uncas and his warband disapperared and became legends.

[Uncas is described by many as an anti-hero amongst demi-gods. He is a great and cunning tactician, and a giant wrecking ball in the battle field. Uncas was known to be marked by Lokyar the great Lone Wolf of Fenrisian legend. But he was able to command and earn the respect of the warriors who fought under him. It was Uncas's stubborn refusal and dertermination that helped keep the remaining warband alive in the warp. Although they suffered terrible losses against traitor legions, and chaos warp beast. The warband manage to keep their numbers high and strong. Throughout the years, inside the warp Uncas became cruel and ruthless. It is said by his enemies that the phantom wolf was a sadistic and vindictive warrior of Russ. Uncas vowed to his warband to bring them back home to Fenris, and fight by their Great Wolf Bjorn the Fell-Handed.]

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Uncas and his warband fought along side various smaller warbands of the 13th company inside the Eye of Terror. It was during these encounters that Uncas and his warband grew to understand the difference of time within the warp, compared to time in real space. Rune priest Torvald, of the thirteenth company updated Uncas of the world outside the warp. Exchanging stories, and intellegence about the enemies they cross. Torvald even mentioned about a young wolf blade, who we all know today as all-slayer, Ragnar Blackmane. It was Torvald that helped Uncas and his warband return home by using his rune magic. The recent encounter with Ragnar was used by Torvald as an anchor and beacon home to real space, for Uncas and his warband to cross over.

In appearance, these war wolves of Fenris bare colors from the great crusades. However during their time in the warp, the warband had adopted crimson colors along with their pre heresy colors of grey. Many Imperial scholars speculate that the crimson is a pagant meaning for war, blood, the loss of their pack mates, rage, or even hate. Unlike the 13th company, these war wovles eventually return home to Fenris. They fought along side with Ragnar's great company, aiding them in fighting on a planet during the last days of Abaddon's 13th black crusade. Uncas and the remaining warband grew a mutual respect towards Ragnar's great company. Ragnar and Uncas become new allies and great friends, and exchange stories about their aventures. Ragnar remembering Torvald in his younger days during his time with the Wolf Blades. The war wolves finally return to the Fenris sector and to the Fang, only to come back and find things very different.

Wolf lord Ragnar Blackmane, walked Uncas through the Fang. "Nothings changed much, except allot of new faces" Uncas's thinks to himself. Wolf lord Ragnar Blackmane points out the various warriors from other great companies as they walk by. "Right there, is Dark Bjoern of Krom Dragongaze Great Company, Jonny Wolf , Marek Grimfang, Warhorse47, Decoy, WolfLordLars, stinkenheim, Beef, Lord Ragnarok, Max Dammit, DV8, Vash113, Bran Scalphunter, Grey Mage, Mikal Wolfheart... just to name the few" says Ragnar. [sorry if I forgot you!]

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Uncas is given a private moment with the now venerable Bjorn the Fell-Handed. An iron priest ask Uncas, "do you wish for me to wake him?" Uncas replies "no, I am but a ghost... let my lord sleep." Uncas felt hurt, and broods in silence with the hulking venerable. Remembering Bjorn as what he once was. From the young warrior, to becoming the great wolf and be considered as one of Uncas's closest friend. Uncas is flooded with emotions, as he is taken back to the burning of Prospero. Remembering as Uncas fought beside Bjorn and recollecting the bittersweet irony of Bjorn's words about dreadnoughts and becoming what he feared most. Uncas, is probably one of the very few people today who can understand the unspoken words that plague Bjorn today of being abandoned by his master, our lord the wolf king Leman Russ. Uncas sat beside the giant machine for all night until he was summoned by the current great wolf, Logan Grimnar.

A huge feast was prepared to honor the return of the lost warband. At the great hall, the mighty warriors are celebrated as heroes and legends amongst the gathered wolf lords. Everyone in the warband is over joyed, but only amongst them keeps his composure.. Uncas. The celebrations would continue on until morning, until suddenly amongst the drunken words spoken amongst one another, their loyalty to great wolf Logan Grimnar was put to question. The oath the war wolves took was towards the trueclaw, Bjorn the Fell-Handed. Which came into conflict with the current great wolf Logan Grimnar. Logan realizes the importance of such warriors and has them swear their fealty.

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Logan's wolf guard: Swear your oath and fealty to our great wolf Logan Grimnar.
Uncas: My oath and my loyalties are to our wolf king, Leman Russ and to my lord, Bjorn the Fell-Handed. I know of no other, that is his equal.
Logan's wolf guard: Bjorn is no longer great wolf of the chapter
Uncas: I have sworn my blade to Bjorn. He is my lord. Do you question his worth wolf guard?
Logan's wolf guard: nay, he is our greatest warrior and our *interrupts the fool*

Uncas: do you always speak for your lord? does he not have a tongue of his own? I cant respect someone I do not know, especially if he lets fools speak for him!
Logan Grimnar: is that a challenge last of the Varangi?
Uncas: No young pup, it is a statement! know the difference.
Logan's wolf guard: you dare speak to our great wolf in such a manner?
Uncas: I have, and I just did

Uncas ever defiant looks at Logan and says, "I have sworn my blade to Bjorn.. he is my lord." Whispers amongst the wolf lords are made and Logan feels a insulted but keeps his composure. The wolf priest and rune priest gathered along with the wolf lords find themselves conflicted. Uncas and Logan decide to settle the matter in a friendly duel, it is a fenrisian way. The only way to earn respect is through fighting, if Logan wins Uncas and the war wolves swear their fealty under Logan. If Uncas wins, he and his war band remains as they are.. phantoms of the past.

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Uncas and Logan are evenly matched, Logan was a little stronger while Uncas was allot faster. Each warrior would counter each others attack as the two fought on as equals. The two giants fought on for a full day, and as both Logan and Uncas lay exhausted on the broken ground around them, Logan suddenly started to laugh. Logan has never felt so alive and found himself having fun. The entire Fang was in silence, as every warrior watched the two clash in as the epic event unfolded in front of their eyes.

Uncas finally stands and looks down on Logan, saying "I grow tired of playing with this pup, this ends here.." Logan, the "old wolf" seeing the seriousness in Uncas's eyes, agrees and stands up. They continue to brawl, the fight becomes increases with intensity, and becomes more ferocious. Uncas was ruthless and cruel, he was sadistic in the manner of his fighting style. His thoughts were focused on Bjorn the Fell-Handed, and how this pup Logan considers himself a great wolf. This thought angered Uncas even more, provoking the beast inside. Logan managed to break one of Unca's ribs, while Uncas managed to blacken one of Logan's eyes. Both warriors were covered in blood.

Legend say, it was then that the two giants became blood brothers. Uncas, grins and delivers a blow to an unsuspecting chin, finally dropping Logan. As Logan dropped, Uncas held onto Logan's arm breaking it in the process. Logan recovers to see Uncas and the war band leave the great hall. Along the way out, Uncas managed to grab the shocked wolf guard he had argued with earlier. Grabbing him by his beard, Uncas held him in an ancient muay thai clutch and unleashed several devastating knees to the face, breaking his nose and jaw in the process while Uncas said, "never speak out of turn, and know your place wolf guard. I am Varangi." Everyone who watched, were astonished and speechless.

Another one of Logan's wolf guard speaks in a furious tone, "what shall we do with them great wolf?" all eyes were on upon Logan as he says... "they are not exiles, rogues nor outlaws. They are but phantoms that walk amongst us, they are free to stand and speak amongst the sons of Russ. Let them re-supply! they are warriors of Russ, but fight more like sons of morkai." Uncas with his back facing Logan still standing at the doors of the great hall speaks "when our lord wakes, or is summoned to battle we will be at his side. We are the war wolves of Fenris. Our duty and our oath is to fight along side our great wolf Bjorn the Fell-Handed. Any who question this shall die by my blade. The war wolves of Fenris are here to protect Fenris, its borders and the people of the Imperium. We will travel the galaxy and fight our enemies. Xenos and heretics beware, for we are the emperor's wolves, the sons of Russ."

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----
The concept of my lost company had been in the works since the late 90's. I decided to hold back on my storyline until a horus heresy novel was done about the wolves. Prospero Burns came out, and I incorporated what Dan Abnett added to the Sixth Legion. So pretty much this is my lost company background fluff. The idea of my war band is similar to the 47 Ronin without a master.

[QUICK BIO]

The wife and I. Anyway, I got into Warhammer 40K through my older cousin. He introduced me to Rogue Trader and taught me how to paint miniatures. We did a few RPG adventures with his friends using the book, and my character was based out of a Space Wolf, and named him Uncas. I became more involved with Warhammer 40K once 2nd Edition came out. My army has been Space Wolves ever since! I took a break from war-gaming, and got back into playing/collecting around late 2007, early 2008. I'm currently repainting my army to the darker pre-heresy look. I've also been doing allot of conversion work on my army. I'm looking forward to having my army finally done. I'll get there eventually!

A little bit about myself? I'm Filipino, moved to Canada when I was 8yrs old. I'm into art, comic books, manga/anime, paintball/woodsball, MMA, traveling, keeping fit, swimming, surfing, I'm into martial arts... I have several black belts in (Filipino Martial Arts, Kickboxing, Tae Kwon Do, etc etc.) sorry I can't think of anything else right now...

Anyway, at first she didn't believe how nerdy I was. So she once said talk nerdy to me; instead I showed her my Space Wolves the rest is what they call is history! or maybe it was my masters degree in Psychology that impressed her?! she was still in nursing during that time and six years later, I've manage to get her into reading 40K novels. We are both into allot of sports, paintball, and traveling. She's into certain video games, loves Anime and Manga as much as I do. Warhammer 40K wasn't so much of a stretch for her especially when Starcraft II and Dawn of War games came out. We bought an Alaskan malamute puppy last year and named him Kiba "Fang" in Japanese. It's all the geek in me can ever ask for!

--EDIT--
Changed font size. Sorry for the lack of updates. Thank you for looking!


Edited by MaveriK, 15 March 2014 - 11:30 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#2
MaveriK

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I'm planning on turning this mammoth into an objective marker but I'm having issues with the flaking of the primer. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep it from flaking?

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Wolf Guard

--EDIT--
Updated pictures, more on my blog!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 04:55 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#3
Hoghead

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Try washing the model with luke warm soapy water (mild detergent such as Ivory) with a soft tooth brush. Could be flaking because of oils on the hand during construction.

Edited by Hoghead, 22 September 2010 - 01:28 AM.


#4
MaveriK

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BLOODFANG

In time the ranks of the 6th Legion swelled to a great host and many bore the Mark [FRAGMENT MISSING] and so Russ banded them all into one Great Company and to Bloodfang fell the honour of leading them to laurels and glory in the name of Russ and the All Father. Bloodfang named [FRAGMENT MISSING] Grail; Orkbane; Buleye; Sigurd; Thorbrand and Grafeld.


To each a retinue was granted And as a band of brothers the 13th Great Company Reaved across the stars Neither Xenite, nor Apostate nor Fiend Could stand before [FRAGMENT MISSING] the Were was upon them. But at the Gates of [FRAGMENT MISSING] did Bloodfang rage and plunge headlong into [FRAGMENT MISSING] Neither Kin nor Master could restrain him And beyond the Gates did the Wulfen-kind pass. At Asaheim the Wolves did cry for one hundred nights Mourning the passage of their kin.
 



The Warmaster and The Wolf King


Leman Russ lay beaten and bloodied, while the wounded and exhausted warmaster Horus stood over him. It seemed as if they had fought for an entire campaign, longer than that of the great crusade. Surrounding them, lay broken monuments of their fury. Horus smiles at Russ, an evil and eerie glow surrounded the warmaster bringing him back to full strength. The warmaster turns his back on his defeated brother, his gaze fixed upon the large screen. The battle continued on from the depths of space, to the surface of earth itself. Horus felt confident, and focused his efforts towards the breaching of Holy Terra. Looking down upon his brother one last time, his thoughts were one of admiration towards a worthy, hard fought opponent.

"A pity he sided against me" he says to himself. Horus, regains his composure and prepares himself to face his father, the Emperor of mankind. Horus starts to walk towards the hall were the Emperor waited. To his surprise, a shadow from behind him slowly stood up. Leman Russ looked broken and bloodied. The determined wolf king, stood toe to toe against the betrayer. Horus was surprised to see his barbaric brother still alive. All he could see from the dark hallway was a silhouette of the broken figure. The stubborn and headstrong wolf king, spat at the warmaster, hitting him right on the cheek.

Leman Russ laughs in defiance and says "The brother I once knew died the day he curse and destroyed the worlds we all helped build. You betrayed our father, and fought those who stayed true and loyal. To side yourself to the darkness is a cowards way!" Horus smirks and replies "your a nuisance and a distraction! I've beaten you! your broken and your weak. Your honor and loyalties will not save you today dog." Leman Russ growls at Horus, his eyes closed and says to him... "you haven't beaten me, ahahahaaha" Russ opens a small tankard and drinks the Fenris ale.

The wolf king's eyes were still closed, he took one last sip and finally says "you've only opened the cage that held the beast within me." Russ smiles, showing his fangs as he opens his eyes. They glowed in golden yellow, followed only by a haunting howl that echoed throughout the battle barge. The warmasters eyes widened, as a frozen chill came running down the back of his neck. For the first time in his life, the warmaster felt true fear. Horus watched in shock, as the broken figure that stood in front of him transformed from a man into a feral creature. A wulfen beast born from Fenris!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--EDIT--

Updated pictures, more on my blog!


Edited by MaveriK, 07 October 2013 - 10:20 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#5
MaveriK

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TWILIGHT OF THE GODS

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The Rune Priest and Wolf Priest have all gathered in secrecy within the depths of the FANG, certain "visions" have haunted the Priest and have consulted the runes for weeks. The Old Wolf, in an surprising and unheard of event has ordered every great company to return to Fenris. Mighty ships have gathered in the Fenris sector and on orbit of the death world known as Fenris.

Its a rare occasion that all 12 great companies are present at the same time within the FANG; while the Wolf Lords gather under their banner, the Rune Priest foretell of "the coming" and a great gathering of the old and new. Hours later, alarm rings in the highest calibre.. unknown ships have entered space protected and watched by the Sons of Russ. The old ones such as Bjorn the fell-handed are awakened. Wolf blades from great Terra return to Fenris with high ranking court representatives within the House Belisarius of the Navis Nobilitae.

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Lost companies have gathered and returned to Fenris, great wolf lords such as Sven Ironhand and his great company, Jotun Bearclaw's great company at first met with some hostilities within the Fang, but are later and eventually welcomed as every Fenrisan born Space Wolf should be in a test of honour and a test of loyalty by the Rune Priest and Wolf Priest.

Back in the cadian sector, mighty war bands of the 13th company exit and escort a great and mighty ship that which was has not been seen in the glory days of the great crusades. As they exit out of the Eye of terror only to be halted and detained by Imperial checkpoints and battleships. Who are later met in reply only a Space Wolf know how to... within days the 13th company sets foot back to Fenris soil, like relics from the past.. these old and mighty warriors are watched on with great respect and awe by each and every space wolf warrior who have gathered in the ice world.

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The Old Wolf Logan Grimnar welcomes the lost kin. Wolf Lord Jorin Bloodfang, along side Wolf Lord Bulveye speaks, "the time has come.." interrupted only by the mighty dreadnought Bjorn the Fell-Handed, saying "it is good to see you again my Wolf King, you have finally returned." A cloaked figure, dressed in rags standing behind Jorin appears. Those who have studied the Rout's history quickly recognized the frostblade Mjalnar which the hooded figure carried. Showing his face while looking around, the man says "once again we are legion."

--EDIT--
Updated font. Thank you for looking!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:00 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#6
MaveriK

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MASTERS OF THE RUNES

The snarling of Lakkan, the runed wolf, upon the wind howls throughout asaheim. Once Lakkan walked across Fenris, and wise men read the symbols he left in his footprints. These men were the first Rune Priests and those who still follow the path of Lakkan even now watch us from the Aett. They scry out our deeds, and they shall record them, and give thanks as we do that we die a death so fine.

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Once again our world of fire and ice finds itself slowly exiled from the "Eye of the Wolf" (as our ancestors have once called it) from its immense heat, bringing forth the long winters of Fenris. This marks a celebrated gathering ushered in by the masters of the runes in a week long great feast under the stars and aurora borealis of the night.

There in the island continent of Asaheim, they gather at the valley of the wolves. Great sagas new and forgotten are told, deeds of honor and glory are spoken. Warriors of Russ who have fallen are remembered, and those who show great promise are praised. Rune Masters whisper amongst themselves of secrets and of things to come, of great deeds and of warnings foreseen.

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"let the sagas be told.. " as the old stormcaller would say

The sons of Russ gather at the great feast and celebrate, watching the rune masters in awe. It serves many purposes within the once legion. Its long tradition honored amongst each great company. United they gather, united we the "Vlka Fenryka" gather, from the old and wise to the newly inducted. Each and every warrior priest test themselves (body and mind) mastering levels of shamanistic traditions. Testing themselves against each other, sharpening their skills in combat and unlocking the secrets of the runes.

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Forgotten incantations of runic lore are spoken, new weapons are forged, totems are blessed, and finally on the seventh day, testing their "rune-magic" in a display rarely seen amongst the sons of Russ against warp spawned elements of ice and fire. Only the bold and only the brave survive, only those strong enough live through the trials and the ascension of first winter's feast. Only those worthy of their Wolf Lord and Russ himself stand triumphant.

--EDIT--
Updated font. Thank you for looking!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:00 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#7
Spacefrisian

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Thats some fantastic work their.

Bring this guy some ale.
There are no Deamons in 40k

#8
Alaitoc

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That's a really nice collection of wolves you've got there! Well painted and converted! It's a lot of text though, and I really don't have time to read all that at the moment! Nice to see that you included a small bio as well! It's nice to see that I'm not the only guy in this forum who likes to go to a place and lift heavy iron stuff around other people with the same interest (gym). I also saw an oilers shirt on your girlfriend in your blog, which is nice! (I'm from a hockey family with my dad and older brother bering professional coaches and my little brother being a professional player here in Sweden)

That got me into thinking....Space Wolves...Ice hockey...they should have a company ice hockey team and a chapter internal league! Ice hockey in power armour! I mean...they're from a planet with a whole lot of ice, and violent games are probably not foreign to them...hmmm...

Anyway! Really nice to see your collection! How many points do you have in total?
While the enemies of the imperium still draw breath there can be no peace!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Longfang lonewolves PLog

#9
Orphus

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Wow, epic way to show both fluff and army development at the same time B)
For once I'm actually interested in someone's wip (sooo much better than "then I did this then this etc") .
On a slightly unrelated note where are you getting the artwork from? :P ;) :woot:
Night Five: Inglorious Brawler, Season One.
Therefore the youngest of them all stood up,
And with a voice like amber wine she spoke:                
"Great sir, now all is clear and seeming well,
Yet still there is but one remaining problem;
My children, sir, they as of yet unborn,    
Shall never hear your words so pure and grand."
"You see" the great one spoke aloud,                      
"it is your humble kin for whom I write this book.      
It is the law, our honor bound in hide."
-The Remembrance; 156:4:24-32.

#10
Orphus

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Whoops, double post.

Edited by Orphus, 08 December 2010 - 10:42 AM.

Night Five: Inglorious Brawler, Season One.
Therefore the youngest of them all stood up,
And with a voice like amber wine she spoke:                
"Great sir, now all is clear and seeming well,
Yet still there is but one remaining problem;
My children, sir, they as of yet unborn,    
Shall never hear your words so pure and grand."
"You see" the great one spoke aloud,                      
"it is your humble kin for whom I write this book.      
It is the law, our honor bound in hide."
-The Remembrance; 156:4:24-32.

#11
Bulweih

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The Old Wolf welcomes the 13th company back. Great Wolf Jorin Bloodfang speaks "the time has come.." interrupted only by the mighty dreadnought Bjorn the Fell-Handed, saying "it is good to see you again my Wolf King, you have finally returned." A cloaked figure behind Jorin appears, those who have studied Space Wolf history quickly recognized the sword which the hooded figure carried.. showing his face while looking around, the man says "once again we are legion." [/size][/size]


Nice thread with awesome works brother! Have an ale........... or a lot!
But that particular text extract just made the hair on my neck stand up, very good!
In fact, all fluff you present here is mighty fine, I even dig the story of the "she wolf", good writing.
Congratulations on the marriage again, was the trip and the party all perfect?! I suppose so. Welcome to the club :to: !
I envy you for some of the older models I couldn't yet get my hands on(not too much of course :lol:) , but I'm really looking forward to your army repainted.

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#12
DV8

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Interesting back story for your army. It's got a lot of depth and using 13th Company as a backdrop gives you lots of creative wiggle room.

A suggestion about your writing style though. You have a tendency to switch between tenses a lot (past and present). It makes reading it seem haphazard and a little chaotic, because the mind automatically tries to group events into a timeline. Constantly switching between tenses confuses the reader (at least on a subconscious level) and makes the content seem more jerky and less fluid. Try and stick to one (past or present) as you write (I find present works best) unless you need a specific excerpt or statement to refer to a past event, in which case you can switch to the past tense.

You also have the tendency to use a lot of fragmented sentences, which lends a very "fast" pace to the overall passage. While this is a tool you can use sparingly, I would avoid having strings of fragmented sentences strung together. It gives the overall impression that there are gaps or fragments missing or withheld from the reader, and the imagery of the passage moves forward in lurches and jerks.

Example:

Uncas and Logan are evenly matched. Logan stronger, Uncas faster.. each one would counter another opponents move, they fought on as equals, and fought on for a full day. Both exhausted.. both laying on the ground Logan laughing never having had so much fun in decades, those watching are amazed. Uncas stands and looks down upon Logan, "I grow tired of playing with this pup, this ends here.." Logan feels insulted, and gets up. Logan, the "old wolf" seeing the seriousness in Uncas's eyes, agrees. They continue to fight, but more ferocious. Uncas becomes ruthless and cruel.. sadistic and almost evil in the manner of his fighting. His thoughts of Bjorn and how this pup considers himself a Great Wolf... angered him even more, provoking the Wulfen inside. Logan managed to break Uncas's ribs. Both their fist and faces covered in blood. Some say, it was then that those two became blood brothers. Uncas, grins and tells Logan "the blood of Fenris flows in our veins." Uncas delivers a blow to an unsuspecting chin and Logan finally drops while breaking Logan's arm in the process. He recovers quickly, enough to see Uncas and the war band leave the great hall.. but not before Uncas grabbed the Wolf Guard he had argued with earlier by his beard, put him in a muay thai clutch and kneed him to the face, breaking his nose and jaw and saying "never speak out of turn, know your place Wolf Guard, I am Varangi and you are nothing to me." Everyone who was watching is astonished and speechless.


I would rewrite as:

Uncas and Logan are evenly matched: Logan stronger, Uncas faster. For a full day they fight as equals, each one countering the others' every move; every riposte answered, every jab deflected, every swing blocked. As the day's end draws nigh and the sun begins its hasty descent into the starry depths, both warriors lie on the ground exhausted, their ragged breathes throwing white steam into the air. Logan laughs - to the amazement of those watching - never having had so much fun in decades.

Uncas stands and looks down at Logan, "I grow tired of playing this, pup. This ends here..."

Insulted, Logan also rises and meets Uncas' cold hard stare. A gaze of understanding falls between the two, and they continue the fight, renewed, with a ferociousness that would see the duel more at home on the battlefield than in the courtyards of the Fang. Uncas becomes ruthless, cruel, sadistic, and almost evil in the manner of his fighting. His thoughts turn to Bjorn, his fall from glory and internment into the iron sarcophagii of the Ancients; of the pup who dares call himself Great Wolf...

etc. etc. You get the picture (I'm hungry and need to go eat). My point being, more full sentences, and throw in descriptors that more aptly set the mood and help the reader visualize what's going on.


DV8

Edited by DV8, 08 December 2010 - 05:32 PM.

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#13
MaveriK

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@Hoghead, thank you for the advice, I will give it a try!

@Spacefrisian, much appreciated wolf brother

@Alaitoc, thank you. Yessir, Edmonton Oilers! gotta love the sport, its part of being Canadian haha, although I can do without the winter driving conditions. A few weeks ago, its was -30, -35 with a windchill of -50. And I think my entire collection of Space Wolves is about 5k-6k?! allot of old minis from 2nd Edition haha

@Orphus, thanks I will try to post more work when I can.

@Bulweih, thank you! I also look forward to my finished army haha

@DV8, thanks for the advice! I was actually hoping nobody would notice, truth be told, all I did was just cut and paste my old written stuff from my blog! I knew rushed it back then, simplifying the work but never realizing how confusing it can be. I will do several re-writes over time! BTW, I've always enjoyed your work. Your one of the people here in the FANG that help me get motivated and inspired. So have an ale on me wolf brother.

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My latest work, a very unconventional looking Wolf Priest. The horn doubles as his Crozuis Arcanum.

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I'm particularly happy with his bolter, its an old plastic Rogue Trader bolter.

some older WIP...
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Realizing that I never really had a long ranged Dread, I decided to make one. I plan to add more wolfy goodness (pelts, fur) into this badboy. Most of my War Wolves (lost Space Wolf chapter) are being remodeled and repainted. I am looking forward on painting them, I am just waiting on more bits to come my way. for RUSS!!

I'm still repainting my army... the above WIP dreadnought has all but scrapped! as I am currently working on the following below.
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Wolf Scout with Sniper Rifle

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4 Long Fangs with Missile Launchers

I have allot more WIP but their not ready to be shared just yet. I'm planning to go with the paint scheme I have in the OP post. Hope you enjoy, and I wanna apologize ahead of time now, and tell people that I don't usually update allot, especially with WIP and PIP stuff.

--EDIT--
Updated font size. Thank you for looking!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:00 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#14
Emperor's Scourge

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I really dig that Dreadnought conversion. You should definitely finish it.

#15
MaveriK

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I really dig that Dreadnought conversion. You should definitely finish it.


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not sure which Dreadnought you were referring to but... I had originally intended this old Space Crusade Dreadnought to become a rifleman dread. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. However I managed to resurrect one of the scrapped dreadnoughts to become a rifleman.

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BALDUR was once a wolf scout to the first Great Wolf Bjorn the Fell-Handed. Known as one of the greatest marksman with his favored weapon, the sniper rifle. Baldur continues to fight today as a rifleman dreadnought, under the banner of the War Wolves of Fenris. Armed with two twin-linked auto cannons, they are closest weapons to what Baldur says to "being a professional" marksman. (quick reference to one of my favorite movies with Jean Reno)

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my new rifleman WIP dreadnought

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my new rifleman WIP dreadnought

--EDIT--
Updated font size.


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:00 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#16
MaveriK

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Heimdall Longsword. War Wolves of Fenris Dreadnought. Twin-linked Heavy Bolters and Missile Launchers


War Wolves, Fenris Hunters (Grey Slayers/Grey Hunters)


War Wolves, Fenris Hunters (Grey Slayers/Grey Hunters)


War Wolves, Fenris Hunters (Grey Slayers/Grey Hunters)


War Wolves, Fenris Hunters (Grey Slayers/Grey Hunters)


War Wolves, Fenris Hunters (Grey Slayers/Grey Hunters)

yes, I do understand that these Grey Hunters are all armed with bolt pistols.. there's nothing wrong with that! just wait until you see my 15 Fenris Bloods (Storm Claws/Blood Claws) IMHO they'll look even better. My color scheme is dark, and grim which compliments my lost companies fluff.

On Fenris, a black sail, was a treacherous sail, because it hid its declaration in the night. A red sail was an open announcement of the intention to murder. My war wolves both color themselves with black and red!

--EDIT--
Updated pictures, more on my blog!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 04:35 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#17
Phodos

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The Rifleman Dread is 100% Epic :ph34r: I'd love to see what it looks like all painted up.
Even if it's suicide, you have to charge them. If not, it's suicide, but faster and with less revenge !

#18
MaveriK

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"One word can equal the might of a thousand swords, and one sword can obliterate a thousand lies. Everyone and everything has a purpose and a path. We are the son's of Russ. Fenris blood flows in our vains, we are the defenders of humanity, warriors of fire and ice. Our purpose is as true as our word, and as sharp as our blades. Our path is glory, honor and death." - Uncas the Warblade, War Wolves of Fenris.

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I'm going old school with my Vlka Fenryka, as my War Wolves are organized into their own distinct packs similar to the wolves of old. Known simply as Fenris Bloods and Fenris Hunters, they also led some of the squads of Terran Space Wolves (the Hunter, Claw and Long Fang squads). The officer corps and the elite wolfguard are drawn from the ranks of both Terrans and Fenrisians.

 

--EDIT--
I had to re-upload all my pictures and re-edit my pictures in this thread. Not to mention update the font size. Thank you for your patience!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:40 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#19
Nacho Wolf

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Damn that is an awesome drawing! Did you do that or did you get someone else to do it?
QUOTE (Steingrimr)
*Strokes big viking beard* Girl? What is girl?


#20
MaveriK

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@Nacho Wolf, thanks!

some more WIP...

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Shield Maiden

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Added two more unconventional looking Wolf Priest into the mix.

--EDIT--
Updated font size.


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:40 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#21
whiteridder

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nice models, nice painting. More 13th company style? I also really like the dragonship art in the beginning. Try to paint that on my landraiders.

Also nice wife you've. Wish my wife like warhammer 40K :-(

Got problems, hire the Wolfguard Terminator Team
Solution, no
Got more problems, yes

 

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#22
Nacho Wolf

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Nice models and who cares if you cant draw women as good, any time anyone askes you just pull that viking picture out and tell the to sit the ^_^ down!
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*Strokes big viking beard* Girl? What is girl?


#23
MaveriK

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WIP... character from Prospero Burns. Jormungndr, Two-blade.

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I will be using him either as a WGBL, Lone Wolf, or a proxy Ragnar Blackmane for my War Wolves.

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apologies, hard to see the details and the base itself. But once painted, you will get to see more of him.

--EDIT--
Updated font size!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:40 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.


#24
Lord Ragnarok

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I like two blade Maverick. Just be careful with spoilers. :)
Posted ImagePosted Image
"This is not the first time you've been left to fate. I can see it in your manner. It takes something from you doesn't it? Being deserted hollows you out and leaves a void inside. People might say that it hurts, that the psyche aches from the wound. It's not true though. Abandonment does not leave pain. You wished it did because that would be better than the truth. It leaves nothing. Not hope, not pain, not forgiveness."

#25
MaveriK

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ACT II: Skadi the she Wolf, Rune Priestess of the FANG

She is described amongst her people as young, beautiful and mysterious. Her name is Skadi, from the tribe called the grey pelts in the eastern seas of Fenris. She is a skilled warrior, a great fisherman and fierce hunter. It was during the long winters of Fenris, that Skadi earned a place amongst the sky warriors. Skadi stumbled upon intruders from an enemy tribe while out patrolling in the mountains. The intruders have been hunting, and somehow managed to injure a young blackmane wolf. Killing such a beast would bring great honor, and its pelt would make a good token for their tribe. The intruders cornered the wolf, ready for the kill when suddenly Skadi jumped in. There she stood in front of the men protecting the whelp, as if it was one of her own children. Ever defiant the Fenrisian woman spat on the ground, her arms spread with a knife in one hand, while cursing in their native tough. She was the wall that stood between the men and the young injured wolf. She fought and killed two men with ease, eventually replacing her knife by taking their swords as her weapons. This shocked the men, in turn calling her a "witch" as they surround her.

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Skadi warned the intruders to leave, saying that she'd blow her horn to summon warriors from her tribe. The intruders laughed at Skadi, as one of them says to her. "I'm afraid your warriors are busy fighting my tribe, for we are attacking your village as we speak." Skadi was in shock, and for a moment stood there frozen, as their words sink inside her like a ship being dragged deep into the ocean by a mighty kraken. Suddenly, one of the intruders throws a spear towards the injured wolf. Foolishly, and instinctively Skadi jumped in the way to protect the whelp, hitting her in the heart. To the men's surprise she stood up, while pulling out the spear. Skadi threw it back at the shocked defendless man, killing him instantly. She fell to her knees immediately, as tears ran down her face. She cried out with what fury and defiance she had left in her, in turn unleashing the hidden psychic powers that flowned in her blood. The frozen ground in front of her trembled and roared, opening up suddenly like a hungry JAW from the depths of the ocean. The remaining men fell to their deaths, it was as if the gates of Morkai had answered her call, dragging the intruders into their doom.

Skadi was slowly dying, as the blood of Fenris flowed away from her. Its crimson color soaked the white snow, as the bitter cold dug deeper in her lungs. With her last remaining strength, she blew her horn to alert her people. Skadi's call was answered only by the murderous howls from the wolves that roamed the mountains. The injured whelp, crawled up beside Skadi keeping her body warm, halting death long enough for her to see a large man approaching. It could have been a vision? or it could have been her mind playing tricks? perhaps it was a sky warrior? that was the moment she was chosen. It was the beginning of a new life for Skadi, in service to the Wolf King. Her last breath brought forth a vengence, as her village was saved by a pack of blackmaned wolves that decended from the mountains. Some say it was an omen, many of her people say it was because of Skadi that the grey pelts lived to tell the tale. Skadi is forever remembered by many Fenrisian's, as the "she wolf."

Ulrik the Slayer witnessed the entire event from a distance, he saw her bravery and admired her honor. Realizing that she could become a powerful Rune Priestess, Ulrik the Slayer took her to the land of the Gods. To this very day, Skadi has earned her keep and proved worthy of Ulrik's decision. It is said that ill-fortune will follow those who dare to doubt Skadi, cursed by Morkai himself. The last man who dared to question her place amongst the warriors of Russ, was the infamous jackalwolf himself. The following day, Lukas the Trickster was finally bested after an abortive attempt against the Dark Eldar. Leaving Lukas adrift in space with his heart cut out as a souvenir. Nobody dared to question Skadi ever since, nor speak ill-will of her for fear of a curse from Morkai. It is said that the only warrior who Lukas would obey outside a Wolf Lord is the she-wolf herself.

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Skadi fought in many battles, gaining the respect of many space wolves and the wolf lords from each great company. Under the tutelage of Njal Stormcaller, Skadi would later earn the title of ice queen (master of the runes). Skadi found a home within the ranks of the phantom wolves, sharing a rare affinity with the warband that roams the galaxy without a lord or master. The rune priestess finally felt at peace amongst the lost kin, while fighting under the banner of the War Wolves of Fenris.


--EDIT--

Updated pictures, more on my blog!


Edited by MaveriK, 08 October 2013 - 05:40 PM.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Azn_MaveriK. Night Four: Inglorious Brawler, Season One. Night Three: Inglorious Brawler, Season Two.






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