Brother Claudius Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Knights of Ares Seekers in the darkness ORIGINS In the dark days of 36th millennium, the High Lords of Terra called for a founding of space marines to rival the second founding. There were dreams of recreating the primarchs and correcting existing flaws through manipulation of the gene seed. It was from this founding that the Knights of Ares were born. The initial training cadre was drawn from the 4th Brotherhood of the Storm Lords chapter, with honored Captain Subedai a’Maul to serve as the Chapter Master. Searching the imperial databases, he found the backwater world of Ares Primus and was intrigued by the details of its strong warrior cult. He chose this place to be the home world for the chapter and set out to begin his work. Making planet fall on a high plateau, the marines were greeted by the local population as returning gods and heroes. The marine cadre decided this place, known as Mount Tersus, would be the future location of the chapter’s fortress monastery. The initial recruitment phase went well as the warrior youth of the planet were excellent physical and mental specimens, and readily accepted the new gifts bestowed upon them. The gene seed of the chapter provided them with increased strength, faster reflexes, and greatly enhanced senses. But it also carried a darker side, resulting in uncontrollable berserker rages. Many neophytes and initiates died in the process, with only a handful surviving to reach full brotherhood. Even the most seasoned of battle brothers are still subject to fits of violent rage which could only be sated with death and blood. This flaw has become know as “the fury” among the chapter. The building process was long and arduous, taking fully two hundred years for the chapter to reach seven companies. Through this time, the berserk nature of the more senior brothers was tempered, but never extinguished. Due to the unfolding events of the Age of Apostasy, the chapter was declared at fighting strength. The mechanicum granted the chapter its fleet, including the battle barge Imperator Talio, and an armory of vehicles. HOME WORLD Ares Primus is located in the Segmentum Tempestus. It is a verdant world, classified as Feudal, with many continents and island chains located around the planet. Scattered across the globe are the remnants and ruins of an advanced society that dates to a time before Old Night. These ruins appear human in origin, but contain elements that do not meet the standard template construct. The native population has a strong martial culture, with many legends of heroic last stands, epic journeys, and battles of good versus evil. Legends abound on Ares of a previous society full of wonders and great inventions that fell due to the workings of an evil over-tyrant. There are also legends of gods and their intervention in the deeds of men, especially of the golden warrior and his angles that descended and freed the peoples from the grip of the domineering overlord. The people believe the heroes of old will return someday, and the warrior cult worshipers ancestors and venerates them for their deeds. Arien society is divided into numerous clans, each ruled over by king. The clans struggle for dominance, land, and resources, but none have ever successfully united the planet. Some clans fade and new ones emerge in the ever tumultuous society. To supply warriors for the clans, the elders of each village select the most able bodied boys and send them to the temples of the warrior cult for training. It is from these temples that the Knights of Ares draw their recruits. The veterans of each company visit the temples four times a year, corresponding with the seasonal cycles, and select those aspirants deemed worthy. Due to the Fury, higher than normal numbers of neophytes are required to sustain the chapter. This has had the unintended side affect of increasing the planetary population, with each family seeing it as their duty to supply the gods with warriors and companions. The Knights do not directly rule the people of Ares, allowing the clans to self govern. The primary interaction between the chapter and the native population occurs during the recruiting process. The Knights have restricted technology to maintain Arien society in a feudal state. The one exception is the practice of medicine. The chapter apothecary routinely trains doctors and supplies them with all but the most advanced medical equipment. This is done to maintain the necessary level of neophytes required sustain the chapter. In addition, the Knights have closed Ares Primus to all outside access. All ships are required to dock at the space port on Ares Secundus and visits to the surface are limited to the fortress monastery KNOWLEDGE THAT WAS LOST The discovery that forever changed the Knights was made in mid-M38 during a training mission in one of the ruined cities. A squad under the supervision of Librarian Glaucus was seeking an ambush location when the structure collapsed and they fell into a void space below. The rubble sealed them in making escape impossible and contact with the surface was lost. Realizing they were in an underground tunnel system, the squad set off to find a way out. Many tunnels were blocked by cave-ins, so they continued onwards, traveling ever deeper underground. After several days, they came across an intact blast door blocking their path. Using the single remaining charge in the melta gun, they breached the door and entered a large chamber beyond. It was filled with books, data slates, and other artifacts of both human and xenos in origin. After some cautious searching, the squad found another door out and set off once again. As he left the chamber, Librarian Glaucus noted a large book sitting by itself. Reaching toward it, his mind was filled with the image of a golden warrior surrounded by a swirling maelstrom. Confused, but curious, he placed the book into his satchel. After several days, they emerged onto the surface. Upon returning to Mount Tersus, Librarian Glaucus brought his discovery to Chief Librarian Helicaon and Chapter Master Acamas. After discussing the find, it was decided that Helicaon should study the book and then report his findings back to Acamas and the chapter council. The Chief Librarian sequestered himself in his chamber deep within the fortress monastery and began his work. After studying and meditating on the text for a period of 42 days, Helicaon emerged. His face was drawn and his mood was dark as he entered the council chamber. The details of that council have been forever sealed in the chapter librarium, but the results were visible to all. Chapter Master Acamas immediately called together his veterans, while Helicaon convened the chapter Librarians in council. Within a matter of days, Librarian Glaucus set off with a single vessel and a detachment of 25 brothers to an unrecorded destination. Another vessel and 25 brothers were made ready, and within a week, this fleet also departed. This continued until a total of 6 fleets had departed. Since that time, these detachments routinely return to Ares Primus for resupply and refit, before quickly departing again. It is not recorded where these fleets have been or where they are going. This knowledge is held by the chapter council and the Chief Librarian. Among the chapter, these fleets are collectively known as the Seeker Fleets. Through these events, the position of Chief Librarian changed as well. No longer did the Chief Librarian participate in the events and battles of the chapter. Instead, he has remained sequestered within his chambers on Mount Tersus, forever studying and meditating on the book. The brothers have come to call him the Oracle after an Arien legend. COMBAT DOCTRINE The Knights of Ares favor a slightly assault oriented combat doctrine, but maintain a generally balanced approach to operations. In effort to control berserker behavior of initiates, they are grouped together under the direction of a veteran and allowed to vent their rage in battle. ORGANIZATION The chapter is organized along the clan structure of the Ariens, with strong influence from the original Storm Lords training cadre. The total chapter strength varies greatly based on the influence of the Fury. It is generally around 1000 battle brothers, divided among the 7 clan groups with a higher than ordinary number of initiates to account for the Fury. The chapter master, plus the commander of each clan form the council of the chapter. This group decides how and where the chapter will fight, and which clan(s) will participate in which battles or operations. The chapter master has the final say, and at times will make a decision counter to the will of the council. All fleet assets are under the direct control of the chapter master. The codex company is replaced with a self sufficient clan, containing initiates, seasoned warriors, veterans, and vehicles. Each clan is lead by a commander who surrounds himself with a host of veteran warriors to act as examples for the others in the clan. In addition, the clan is assigned several librarians, warrior priests, and tech marines. Members of the clans interact freely and share a great camaraderie and respect. However, under normal circumstances only a single clan or portion of that clan will participate in an operation. In unique circumstances, a formation is made of units from different clans. In the case of the Seeker Fleets, warriors are drawn from each clan. Usually a veteran sergeant is placed in command of the fleet, but at times a clan commander is called upon to lead the detachment. In all cases, at least one Librarian is assigned to the fleet. Due to this fact, the chapter maintains a slightly higher than normal number of Librarians. BELIEFS The Knights of Ares venerate the Emperor, but they also venerate deceased veterans and brothers who have performed legendary deeds. They have a warrior cult mirroring that of Arien society. The Chaplains, called simply warrior priests, maintain this cult and record the notable deeds of every battle brother. Among the Knights, battlefield experience and exploits alone are not sufficient to reach the rank of veteran. Those brothers called veteran must have served amongst the Seeker Fleets for at least 100 years. In addition, they must be steeped with battle honors and must have performed at least 6 acts of heroism, bravery, or self sacrifice deemed worthy of legend by the warrior priests. On occasion, brothers petition their commanders to participate in the wars of the Arien clans. When these petitions are granted, the brothers join the ranks of the clans as gods among men. They are allowed to use nothing but native Arien weaponry, typically consisting of a helm, shield, sword and spear. Due to their super human nature, the battle brothers seldom incur severe injury. Instead, they inspire the Ariens by their actions and seek to perform heroic deeds to be recorded in Arien legend. At times, brothers will appear on opposite sides of struggle. When this occurs, protocol dictates that they must duel each other upon the field. The duel lasts until first blood is drawn, at which time the loser is required to serve for 216 days as a serf in the winner’s clan. GENE-SEED The exact gene-seed used for the chapter is unknown. The chapter believes it was modified Ultramarine stock, primarily based on the Storm Lords being chosen as the training cadre. The gene-seed was modified in an attempt to create a controllable heightened aggressive state. This included increasing strength, providing faster reflexes, and enhancing the senses. The state was to be triggered by the marine when needed. The manipulations did provide the desired enhancements, but also resulted in a deadly flaw. The Knights are subject to uncontrollable berserker rages and self destructive behaviors. This becomes most apparent as the neophyte progresses into the initiate stage. Most initiates do not live long enough to become full brothers as they are overcome by the berserk nature and die upon the battlefield in reckless brutal assaults. Some brothers succumb fully to a permanent “berserker rage”. These are kept apart from the rest of the chapter and unleashed only in times of battle. The Betchers Gland has become completely useless and is no longer implanted. Beyond these mutations, the seed has remained stable showing no signs of further degradation. BATTLE CRY The battle cry is two part and uttered at the apex of an assault just before the marines contact the enemy. One brother shouts “We are Death!” and the remaining respond: “No Respite! No Mercy!”. Chapter Color Scheme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 In effort to control berserker behavior of initiates, they are grouped together under the direction of a veteran and allowed to vent their rage in battle.~ Due to the berserker tendencies of the initiates, they are grouped together for battle and lead by a seasoned veteran. Often this is the clan chaplain. ~ Most initiates do not live long enough to become full brothers as they are overcome by the berserk nature and die upon the battlefield in reckless brutal assaults. Wouldn't be it better other way around? ie. Dispersing them amongst the squads in order to keep them safe and cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Espada Azul Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Hmm, a brief read-through makes me think of a Chapter based off the Space Wolves for some reason, with a Cursed/Dark Founding background for flavor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Wouldn't be it better other way around? ie. Dispersing them amongst the squads in order to keep them safe and cool. I'm still working through this piece of things and it does make more tactical sense to disperse them. I am seriously considering dropping the whole berserker concept. I like the flavor, concept and fluff potential, but not sure if it ties in with my other thoughts. I'm afraid I'm trying to cram to many concepts into one IA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Hmm, a brief read-through makes me think of a Chapter based off the Space Wolves for some reason, with a Cursed/Dark Founding background for flavor. I was not necessarily thinking of wolves as I worked, but it does kinda read that way as I look at it now. I was aiming for more of Greek feel hero/epic journey type of feel with lot's of celebrate heros/verterans in the ranks. I believe the berserker thing might be part of the issue. I am considering droping that concept altogether, but then my current work becomes thin and will require some additional rewrite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mordray Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Since I'm about the only one who seems to notice these things... The 13th founding appears to be devoted to abnormal training and indoctrination practices, (Exorcists are the only 13th founding chapter I know of and their information confirms this). This could come down to what chemicals used, how the recruits are trained, even down to what order the organs are implanted. However something went horribly wrong during the 13th founding. All records were destroyed (yes all of them upon all worlds). No one not even the high lords and the inquisition know just how many chapters were founded during this time nor how many remain. While the 21st is quite blatantly (all background on the 21st supports this) devoted to gene-seed manipulation. The end goal of the project was to recreate the primarchs and new lines of gene-seed with a side goal of repairing flaws (that's up for debate as to what counts as a flaw...) within existing gene-seed lines. This founding didn't get wiped out like the 13th but it is one that is largely ignored by those in charge. Chapters from this founding are often lacking in equipment and allies. I don't even know if this matters to you I just can't stand it when people treat both foundings as interchangeable... note I'm not saying you did it on purpose... it's a fairly common problem even among the liber vets... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Mordray: Thanks for the input. I really had not yet decided which founding to use, but your clarification is definitely appreciated. If I stick with gene seed manipulation idea, I will firmly stick with the 21st. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Espada Azul Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Actually the berserker nature of your Chapter didn't even figure in the parallels with the Space Wolves at all. Rather, what struck me was the relatively unorthodox 'Clan' structure each, and the Company Captain with a retinue of veterans that was akin to a Wolf Lord and his Wolf Guard. The inaccessible Olympus-esque nature of the main Fortress-Monastery also seems to parallel the Valhalla-status that many Fenrisians view the continent where the Space Wolves dwell. I understand that these might all be unintended coincidences, but it's best to be aware of them. As for the choice of Foundings, I'm thinking that it's going to be hard working with a Chapter supposedly coming from the Dark Founding as, well, the assumption is that the consequences were so bad that Imperium pretty much disavowed it ever happened. Heck, it's a plot point that one of the more well-known groups of fan-made DIYs, the Astartes Vocates, was founded to make up for the Dark Founding. The Cursed Founding is much more well-known, and there are examples of that Founding still puttering around in the Imperium, though Imperial Armour 9 pretty much alludes that a vast majority of these pretty much met their ends in the times between the Age of Apostasy and the present day. The Lamenters are the most famous example, of course, but there's also the Relictors, the Minotaurs, and the Sons of Anteus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 1, 2011 Author Share Posted January 1, 2011 ~the unorthodox 'Clan' structure each, and the Company Captain with a retinue of veterans that was akin to a Wolf Lord and his Wolf Guard. The inaccessible Olympus-esque nature of the main Fortress-Monastery also seems to parallel the Valhalla-status that many Fenrisians view the continent where the Space Wolves dwell. I did some looking today at the wolves information on-line. There are a lot of parallels. Hmm...I need to work on those aspects a bit. Perhaps modifying the clan structure or dropping altogether (not really that important) would put some distance to the wolves. There are some aspects that I need to retain to keep my idea going--one of them being the commander and his veteran contingent, trying to parallel the greek epics and the idea of Mount Olympus (pretty much ripped that one off). I am trying to paint a culture and chapter based on things like the Illiad/Odyssey and the Greek heroes. I'm also working through the idea that they have discovered some hidden/lost knowledge in the ruins of Ares Secundus that could help defeat chaos. I just don't want to go too far toward the heretical side. I also do not want to be labeled another version of the Blood Ravens. I should have some edits up this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chapter Master Ignis Domus Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Overall ConceptWarrior knights with berserker tendancies seeking some lost knowledge to aid in the fight against the arch enemy What do you mean by lost knowledge? Marines do not “rule” over the people directly, but they maintain strict control over all planetary access. Careful, what do you mean by this? Ares Secundus, a sister world, is a dead planet. It shows signs of an advanced society and ruins of many large cities. The surface has been scoured of all life and it is now an airless rock. The ruins look to be human from a time before Old Night, harkening back to the original human expansion. What do you mean by this? What does it add? Combat Doctrine[*]In effort to control berserker behavior of initiates, they are grouped together under the direction of a veteran and allowed to vent their rage in battle. Where did you mention this before? I actually like having them grouped together. It stops them distracting the major combat units and groups them together into one group that's easy to keep track of. [*]Chapter is composed of 10 clans. Each clan contains somewhere between 90 and 110 battle brothers, plus librarians, chaplains, techmarines, and support staff. The number of initiates in each clan varies but can range from 40 to 60. This brings the total fighting strength of each clan to around 155 on average. The exception is the chapter master and his honor guard. It is composed of members drawn from each clan for their acts of valor and contribution to legend. These are formed into an elite cadre of approximately 20-25 veterans, plus other senior members of the chapter. Be careful not to go to far over the codex limits. The Space Wolves only get away with it because they're a former legion and second founding chapter. Balance of power and all. Gene-seed manipulation results in uncontrollable berserker rages and self destructive behaviors (especially among initiates). It did provide enhanced senses and improved reflexes. The Betchers Gland implant is completely useless. Beyond these mutations, the seed has remained stable showing no signs of further degradation. Why not just remove the Betchers Gland? Most initiates do not live long enough to become full brothers as they are overcome by the berserk nature and die upon the battlefield in reckless brutal assaults. How do they keep up the replacement rate? Sounds like an interesting chapter. Can't wait to see this develop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Espada Azul Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Are you familiar with the Iron Snakes, if I might ask? They're an official Games Workshop Chapter that's appeared in both Dan Abnett's Gaunt series, as well as their own novel Brothers of the Snake, and frankly they're EXTREMELY Greek (early Hellenistic, if I recall) in flavor--I mean, before the campaign begins the number of squads who will participate in a mission is decided via vote thrown into a calyx (in essence an election)! It can also be seen in the name of their homeworld (Ithaka) and the names of some of the characters (Priad, Memnes, Illyus, etc., Squad Damocles), even their insistent terminology for everything. Heck while they cling to the Codex in structure, their most notable tactic when there are more than a five squads is a Phalanx formation with round shields and lances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 1, 2011 Author Share Posted January 1, 2011 Are you familiar with the Iron Snakes, if I might ask? Espada Azul: I am familiar with the Snakes. While developing my initial concept, I was cognizant of trying to avoid being too much like them for that very reason. While they have a very strong Greek feel, I am trying to develop the concepts in slightly different direction. Thank you for the inputs and keep them coming! Marines do not “rule” over the people directly, but they maintain strict control over all planetary access. Careful, what do you mean by this? Chapter Master Ignis Domus: Would you mind clarifying the careful statement? I am assuming it refers to the strict control over planetary access? My thinking is that the Knights do not want outside imperial influences to change the feudal society from which they recruit. I am also working to develop the lost knowledge concept <the dark secret> and the Knights do not want any prying eyes. Also do not want to take this too far to garner =][= attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chapter Master Ignis Domus Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 I mean don't give them too much power. The separation of powers thing is very important. While they can have moderate planetary control, they should not have massive fleets capable of blockading entire worlds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apothete Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 I mean don't give them too much power. The separation of powers thing is very important. While they can have moderate planetary control, they should not have massive fleets capable of blockading entire worlds. I believe that you're talking about two different things here. The homeworlds of an Astartes Chapter are going to be their sole domain, to be defended or left exposed as they see fit. Even in the official fluff, we see a wide range of approaches to the issue of sovereignty, from the far-reaching miniature empire of Ultramar and its massive (and arguably illegal) defense forces to the single orbital bastion of the Mortifactors to the more nomadic, multiple-source approach of the Dark Angels. The age, prestige, power, and resources of the Chapter play an enormous role in determining what they can get away with and how far outside of the norm they can remain. After all, the Space Wolves are obviously mutated, possess ships that either ought to be or once were a part of the Imperial Navy, and arguably have more Marines under arms than anyone but the Black Templars. That doesn't meant it's a good idea for a DIY Chapter to follow in any of their footsteps, but it's also not entirely without precedent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 I have update the IA to incorporate some changes. I fleshed out several of the sections, toned down the clan structure to be more codex compliant, and added a section the "lost knowledge". I have kept this section vague on purpose, as opposed to being "lazy", to provide a mysterious feel to the whole concept. I look forward to your comments. Brother Claudius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Origins The mechanicum granted the chapter its fleet, including the battle barge Imperator Talio, and an armory of vehicles. - Redundant. The Chapters are granted the ships and equipment, when they leave for their homeworld. Homeworld The native population has a strong martial culture, with many legends of heroic last stands, epic journeys, and battles of good versus evil. - and battles between good and evil. ... especially of the golden warrior and his angles that descended ... - Yeah, fear the Angles of Death! The people believe the heroes of old will return someday, and the warrior cult worshipers ancestors and venerates them for their deeds. - The people of Ares worship various heroes of old, venerate them for their deeds and believe that one day these mighty ancestors will return. KNOWLEDGE THAT WAS LOST - ... :) Organisation Members of the clans interact freely and share a great camaraderie and respect. - The marines are recruited from society, which is in constant war for several thousand of years. I wouldn't be suprised if the animosity was transferred into Chapter ranks. Gene-seed The chapter believes it was modified Ultramarine stock, primarily based on the Storm Lords being chosen as the training cadre. - Except the Storm Lords are White Scars successor, 2nd Founding no less. This becomes most apparent as the neophyte progresses into the initiate stage. Most initiates do not live long enough to become full brothers as they are overcome by the berserk nature and die upon the battlefield in reckless brutal assaults. - If the above is true, then your Chapter will be very under-strenght, with possibility of dying out in the near future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Espada Azul Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 NightrawenII: Well, that's one of the attractions of a Cursed Founding Chapter, right? The possibility of either damnation or annihilation... There's potential for much pathos in that. I mean, look at the Lamenters -- one can't help but feel for the guys, after all that's happened to them. Not so much for the Relictors or Minotaurs though, but to be fair to the latter we're still waiting on IA 10 to see just how messed up they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 My comment was aimed mostly on this statement: The total chapter strength varies greatly based on the influence of the Fury. It is generally around 1000 battle brothers, divided among the 7 clan groups with a higher than ordinary number of initiates to account for the Fury. If the Chapter has problems with gene-seed curse, then I don't think they would be able to maintain such "codex" number. And yes, I do agree, after all I'm big fan of these. :tu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Hunter Ydalir Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 First off, I simply can't bring myself to like your colour scheme. Sorry, but it's making my eyes bleed. Take that with a pinch of salt, if you like it then great, but I can't stand it. The colours do not compliment each other at all. Also, Ares. Greek god of war. A bit esoteric for the name of a chapter in the 41st millennium after earths history has all but been erased? That said, it works because it's the name of a planet. Then again, I wouldn't name my new colony world after the Greek god of war. Especially not one who revelled in the most destructive aspects of war, a god who would deceive and provoke just to make people spill each others blood. Moving right along.... The native population has a strong martial culture, with many legends of heroic last stands, epic journeys, and battles of good versus evil. So does every other martial culture in history. This is not unique and it's also alluding to other Greek tales, which is still reminding me of the ringing in my ears left from hitting me with the 'Ares' brick. But it also carried a darker side, resulting in uncontrollable berserker rages. Many neophytes and initiates died in the process, with only a handful surviving to reach full brotherhood. Even the most seasoned of battle brothers are still subject to fits of violent rage which could only be sated with death and blood. This flaw has become know as “the fury” among the chapter. The building process was long and arduous, taking fully two hundred years for the chapter to reach seven companies. So you're looking for Blood Angels, with different quirks. Fair enough, I have my own chapter of BA-successors, but this is a different route you've taken. However, I'm not connecting with it. It seems like a pretty contrived route to take just to get Blood Angels, since the symptoms you're describing are very similar to the BA rage. Why would the chapters organizers and monitors continue the project once the flaw had shown itself so early? They do know about the BA flaw, why would they knowingly create an entire chapter over double the normal deployment time, costing twice the amount of resources that is only going to end up just like the BA? Why wouldn't they just scrap the entire project right there and start with a new geneseed? The AdMech and High Lords may be needlessly ritualistic and arcane but they are not stupid. The Knights of Ares favor a slightly assault oriented combat doctrine, but maintain a generally balanced approach to operations. They are berzerkers who only 'slightly' favour assault tactics? Even non-berzerker chapters like the Space Wolves (vikings, not actual berzerkers as in this context) favour assault oriented tactics. ------------------------------------------------------ Basically I'm seeing a lot of work going into what are essentially copies of the Blood Angels. I'm not getting much real core character from them at all. If I could ask you, how would you describe the core characteristics, their personality, who they are in just a few words? This might help me piece together what I'm missing when reading your IA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 ... especially of the golden warrior and his angles that descended ...- Yeah, fear the Angles of Death! I truly despise my inability to spill chuck. :P The chapter believes it was modified Ultramarine stock, primarily based on the Storm Lords being chosen as the training cadre.- Except the Storm Lords are White Scars successor, 2nd Founding no less. I knew that, why I wrote Ultramarines and did not catch it during multiple iterations is beyond me a this point. - If the above is true, then your Chapter will be very under-strenght, with possibility of dying out in the near future. This makes sense and I wll adjust the number accordingly. My thoughts were fewer battle brothers, with a higher number of initiates to account for the flaw, thus a chapter close to 1000. But it still works to reduce the overall numbers to make it more plausible. I am okay with the concept that they may be dying out. I was thinking about that very idea while working on the draft this weekend, I'm just not sure how to spin it. Thanks NightrawenII for all the constructive comments and rewrites. My writing skills are extermely, shall we say, rusty :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 ~This is not unique and it's also alluding to other Greek tales, which is still reminding me of the ringing in my ears left from hitting me with the 'Ares' brick. Well I'm glad it came across clearly, I was worried it would be lost. :) I do see your point, and after reading the thread about over themeing, my current IA has the subtley of a using a plasma gun to open a can of baked beans. Basically I'm seeing a lot of work going into what are essentially copies of the Blood Angels. I will admit that the fury was inspired by the black rage, but I was trying to spin it a little differently and add other elements so they would not just be BAs with another name and paint scheme. I did not intend to make another BA successor. Perhaps I need to ask myself a few more whys before submitting any rewrites. As for the core concept: Marines know they are flawed, but see honor and duty in pressing on against the odds. They hold honor, deeds of valour, and personnel sacrifice in high regard and venerate their dead veterans <I hear the so what factor>. They believe they have found some clues vital to the survival of the human race and see it as one of their core duties to seek the answers <Trying to add a mysterious element, but also provide a reason why they press on against the fury>. First off, I simply can't bring myself to like your colour scheme. Sorry, but it's making my eyes bleed. I do have some alternate color schemes. I thank you Grey Hunter Ydalir for the brutal honesty and look forward to more feedback on this WIP. Now, back to the salt mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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