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Alt-IA: Night Lords


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#26
Aurelius Rex

Aurelius Rex

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Thanks very much to Matt and Ace for the feedback. I have given it two proofing passes and have got most of the bugs out and addressed what I could easily get to with the feedback.

I will put the changes I have made today up ASAP. +++ EDIT - Done now! +++ I totally agree about colourpiece 4, and am changing it to some facts about the moon, Tenebor, including its eclipses, effects on the population and its inclusion in the lesser arconoi (Nostraman Emperor's Tarot) as an agent of change.

The colourpiece about the Ravenwing is a callback to the DA IA where the fallen are collecting unforgiven to collect their 'imprints' of the Emperor's soul. I have added a few lines to make it clearer that there was an Unforgiven there.

Was Colourpiece 2, about the statues, clear as a reference to the Lightning Tower? If you have heard it you will hopefully get the many references, (Sigismund offering to remove the traitor statues) but if you have not read it, hopefully it still stands on its own.

Regarding the use of the Emperor in Curze's last words, it was used because it parallels the norm'verse-Curze's speech to M'Shen. You are right, of course, that it is too formal, so have adjusted it to say 'our father - our Emperor' which is more fitting. :D

Am running out of time so I will have to cut colourpiece 5 for the moment as I don't have time to do it justice - possibly re-include in the PDF version as a DVD extra!

Will get back to you two with some other points later - again, very useful!

Still have to write the intro para and colourpiece 4, then remember to use bbcodes - ech!

Cheers,
John.

+++ EDIT - Tenebor colourpiece and BBCodes bar the colourpieces done. (They are always a pig to sort out and change every time you edit!) Last thing is the intro paragraph, and then the colourpiece codes. +++

+++ Edit - One hour to go! - Final piece of the puzzle is written - the intro paragraph. Now time to insert the colourpiece boxes and post this up. Thanks for all the help guys! +++

+++ EDIT - I managed it - posted with less than a half hour to go. The BBCodes are wonky, but hopefully don't actually detract from the article.

Before I start on the 'Malalmanders' I'm going to have to sleep for a week, and then pay back the family duties karma that I have been dodging of late. :D

Edited by Aurelius Rex, 01 November 2011 - 12:08 AM.

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Alternate Heresy Index Astartes articles for the World Eaters, Emperor's Children, Raven Guard, Word Bearers,
Ultramarines, White Scars, Space Wolves, Thousand Sons and Blood Angels available as a pdf
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Iron Warriors +++ Iron Hands +++ Alpha Legion +++ Dark Angels

Index Astartes: Scions of Dorn