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Sanguinary Crusaders (Updated 10/7/16)


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#1
Arkangilos

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Sanguinary Crusaders


"We live in a hostile universe, brothers. If we show just one second of weakness, we will be defeated. If we show an ounce of remorse, we will be destroyed. Our foes are ever looking for ways to take advantage of us, and we must give them none. Yet, as proud sons of Sanguinius, we must not forget our nobility. It is our duty to make sure the Imperium survives the Horrors that had slain our Father. Remember this brothers, and we shall survive. Forget this, and we are no better than those who seek to destroy it." ~Arkangilos


Founding: 2nd
Primarch: Sanguinius
Homeworld: Damoria IV

Origins


"We have been defeated, my brothers. Our Primarch is dead, our own chapter master unable to cope with our losses, and our glorious future fading away. Let us crusade then, my brothers, so that we may find the grail of existence." ~Arkangilos


Sanguinary Crusader.jpg


When the codex decreed that the legions would be split, the Blood Angels quickly stepped in line. One of the chapters created in this founding would become the Sanguinary Crusaders, under the command of Chapter Master Raphael, who was commander of the 143rd company, and master of the 15th Chapter during the latter days of the Great Crusader.

Dealing with the Primarch's death was difficult for all son's of Sanguinius, and Raphael was no exception. Following the split, he immediately embarked on a crusade of redemption, vowing not to stop until every last traitor was completely destroyed. However the chapter command quickly saw that without a home world and a chance to consolidate, it would be destroyed. Reluctantly, Raphael agreed to cease the endless campaigns and instead search for a place to call home.

Before long, they located a death world by the name of Taskus IV that was perfect for their needs, and began the process of building their monastery.

Seeing an opportunity for attack, the forces of chaos under the command of Edlan the Soul Thief launched a full scale war against the weakened and vulnerable chapter. The chapter held, but it was a Pyrrhic victory. In the battle, the planet was laid waste to, and Raphael was knocked unconscious, the Sanguine Blade of Valor, gifted to Raphael by the Primarch himself during the Great Crusade, was stolen. This was too much for Raphael, who fell into a deep depression. With their leader having lost the will to fight, the chapter was unsure what to do.

It was then that First Captain Arkangilos stepped forward and vowed that the Crusaders would find that holy relic and restore the dying chapter. Each of the surviving squads set out on a journey to find their lost sword. Years past, and Raphael sank deeper and deeper into his depression. What remained of the chapter command began losing faith in him, and with most of the chapter out searching, and many squads having gone silent, it seemed that the chapter would fade into memory.

Finally, after ten years, Arkangilos returned. With him the knowledge of where to find their lost treasure. This finally stirred Raphael. The chapter council, was reluctant to return command to Raphael, who had been unwilling to do anything for the past decade. Had it not been for his past accomplishments, and the support of Arkangilos, they would have denied it all together. But they did not, and so Raphael sent out a message to all Sanguinary Crusaders to return to the ruined home world. Less than a third of the chapter was left, but Raphael knew it would be enough.

Following the path of Arkangilos, Raphael led the chapter to the location of the blade and the one who had wronged their chapter. With deadly determination, the Sanguinary Crusaders struck a deathblow to Edlan's warband, and the blade was returned.

Raphael knew that he had lost the right to lead the chapter, and that Arkangilos, the one that had salvaged what hope they had left, deserved the blade that he had rescued. With the blade, he transferred command of the chapter, and stepped down. Raphael's next actions are still practiced today. Having let down the chapter, he left the chapter, embarking on a personal crusade to remove the stain from his honor.

Arkangilos decreed that once the chapter had rebuilt, it would once again embark on a crusade. He had said that only once they had stopped had they suffered the most. It was a sign from Sanguinius, and he vowed that until Sanguinius himself told them to settle on a homeworld, they would never stop moving.

Homeworld


"Upon this pedestal we shall build a new life"


For the ten years from the disaster of Taskus IV to the return of Arkangilos and the embarkation of the crusade, the Sanguinary Crusaders maintained their holdings on Taskus. Their incomplete fortress monastery had began falling apart, a reflection of the will of Raphael. As the years passed, the planet's condition deteriorated, having been unattended to after the battle against the chaos fleet. Life on the planet withered, the buildings of what civilizations remained collapsed into ruin. After ten years, the chapter finally left, never to return to the dying world, a memory of shame to be added to their records.

After that the Sanguinary Crusaders were a fleet based chapter until the 40th millennium, when it came across the world of Damoria IV. The world, a radioactive wasteland caused from a war centuries before their arrival, was almost a sick irony. Having aided the neighboring world of Damoria II in a fight against invading forces of chaos, the Sanguinary Crusaders landed on Damoria IV to insure it was free from chaos taint. In doing so, they uncovered a statue of Sanguinius, a statue with the inscription that changed their fate. Who the statue was actually referring to is unknown, but the Sanguinary Priests believe this to have been a prophetic vision from Sanguinius to the Sanguinary Crusaders. From this point forward, Damoria IV would be their home.

Spoiler


Recruitment


"Yesterday you underwent the hardest trials of your life. Today you begin the hardest life of trials!" ~Scout Sergeant Antone


The Sanguinary Crusaders, once every two years, assess the eligible recruits. Those who meet the qualifications are brought to the Fortress of Angels, where they begin their tests. The tests try their patience, cognitive skills, and ability to cope with stress. Those who continue to excel are then taken to various training camps, where they undergo physical trials.
Once the trials are complete, the recruits are split into groups of twenty. Keeping with the traditions of the chapter, each group is given an objective for a crusade. They are given only the bare necessities to begin their crusade. They are also given a single map, with various regional warnings and routes. The only weapons provided are the short swords that the battle brothers will carry for the rest of their lives.
The recruits are given no leadership or special officers. They must figure out how to work as a team or die, sometimes bringing the entire group to their deaths as well. Those recruits that take charge are noted for their leadership abilities, and those who show exceptional faith and watch over their brothers are also noted, and those recruits are destined to be either Chaplains are Sanguinary Priests, depending on how they display their faith and how later tests turn out.
This initiation crusade is a perilous one, and though the groups set out with twenty, they usually complete their crusade with fewer than five. However, those that complete it are immediately inducted into the chapter and begin the implant and scout phase of their new lives. Usually, those who survived the crusade are kept with their groups as they join their scout squads.
Those that survive, yet are unable to complete the crusade due to ill fate such as injuries, are given the great honor of joining the chapter’s serfs. This also gives them the hope that one day their descendants may yet join the ranks of the Sanguinary Crusaders Chapter.

Doctrines


"Honor the codex, believe in the tactics and the teachings, remain open minded, and we will prevail." ~ Captain Venitus


The Sanguinary Crusaders follow the Codex almost to a letter, as much as their flaw allows. They are flexible in their approach, and uphold the spirit of Guilliman's teachings, as they believe Sanguinius would have wanted.
They, like their progenitors, enjoy close combat, but place a high value on devastators, and see them with respect, as they must control their rage even more, so that the support lines will not falter.
The favored weapon of the Sanguinary Crusaders is the flamer, and almost every squad will have one. They see it as a means to purge mass amounts of enemy in swaths of holy fire.

Before a lengthy campaign is launched, the Sanguinary Crusaders send out an advance force consisting of a contingent of scouts and chapter serfs. While the scouts are conducting advanced recon and deploying beacons, the serfs are spreading prophecies of the "Divine Justice." Many are prosecuted and die at the hands of heretics, but still the seeds of righteousness are planted in those that would be on the fence. When the main invasion from the Sanguinary Crusaders comes, it comes following the steps of the prophecy. The "prophets" and those that follow them begin to chant and recant the prophecy as the trumpet blares over the communication systems, and vibrates through the air. Following the first trumpet blow, fire rains down from the heavens, burning away first layers of xenos filth or heretical corruption. Upon the second blow of the trumpet, the Crusaders of Sanguinius begin their decent. It is also at this time that all those loyal to the Imperium, or all of those swayed by the preaching of the "prophets" rise up to fight, creating a mass of fanatical redemption cults in an attempt to save their lives and souls from the Emperor's Wrath. When enemy is finally broken and victory is achieved, the third and final blow of the trumpet will be heard, and all of those who had joined the Redemption Cult are assembled to await judgement. The judgement is not as indepth as one passed by the Inquisition, and if the inquisition in present, the chapter will always defer to the Inquisition for judgement. At times they would execute a number of them, at other times the redemption cults would work out their own punishments as the "Prophets" return to the chapter and their chosen replacements from the local populations are given their instructions. Regardless, the world is usually left in a state of fanatical fervor towards Sanguinius, Dorn, and the Emperor, a fanatical fervor matching that of the Crusaders.
Beliefs


"That is an understandable question, neophyte. Why are we inflicted with the terrible curse of the Black Rage? Because of our Father's Sacrifice. He sacrificed himself so that humanity may endure, so that it could be saved. The Black Rage is a reminder of that sacrifice, a pure vision of that monumental decision. We too, must sacrifice ourselves in honor of him, despite how unworthy those mortals are of it. We must die so that they can live. However, when our appointed time to make that sacrifice comes we often miss it. It is when we miss it that the Black Rage takes hold. We failed to live up to His example, and so He reminds us, through the Black Rage. It is not a curse, but a blessing. It is a salvation for us, it is for us to atone for the Sin of Life. Remember that, and do not be afraid." Brother Chaplain Geraldi to Neophyte Corvo after a member of his squad fell to the Black Rage.


Unlike the Blood Angels, the Sanguinary Crusaders often do not think of the Black Rage as a curse. Rather, many of them think of it as an atonement for living when their appointed time of sacrifice has come and passed. They believe that Sanguinius' sacrifice set a precedent for them to follow, and that each of them has an appointed hour in which they will make the ultimate sacrifice for the benefit of the Imperium. It is widely held by the priesthood that living through that appointed hour means that they have selfishly denied the work of their father, and that to have survived it is a great sin. They therefore consider the Black Rage to be the spiritual reminder of their duties, and that it is the path to redemption. In this sense, those that fell to the Black Rage were already damned, and that the Black Rage is actually the only means of salvation.

Like their parent chapter, the Sanguinary Crusaders suffer from the Red Thirst and Black Rage. It stains their noble and pure ways, but they have, through their crusades, found ways to better themselves.
The Sanguinary Crusaders have found that an art can sometimes settle their thirst, as it requires a large amount of concentration. All free time is spent either perfecting arts of combat, the arts of tactics, or visual art. Their armor and weapons will often times be engraved with extravagant visuals, their armor engraved with prayers and litanies of concentration.
However, they understand that the thirst cannot be overcome without a cure, and the Sanguinary Priests consulted with the Blood Drinkers and Blood Angels. The Sanguinary Priests, observing the measure of control the Blood Drinkers have obtained over their thirst have determined that they would try it in moderation. As a result, on the eve of every major campaign, and after the campaign, during the Great Feasts, instead of wine, purified blood is offered as a drink to those who manage to resist the thirst throughout the battles. In theory, it will reward those with self-control, and punish those who lack it.
This system is closely monitored however, and should one still succumb during a time not deemed appropriate, or in front of others, he is severely punished. It is also kept secret from all but those who share their lineage.
The Burden of Guilt


The First Chapter Master Raphael's depression seemed to be an isolated event at first. Yet, as time and generations passed others began to suffer the same effects. As the marines gained more responsibilities of command, the toll of defeats seemed to weigh more heavily on their shoulders. Every loss of a battle brother, every lost battle, and every setback would see the motivation of the commanders edged away.

Why this happens no one is sure, but the Sanguinary Priests of the chapter believe that their chapter has inherited the guilt of failure from Sanguinius. They have come to refer to this as The Guilt.

This does not mean that the Sanguinary Crusaders are less fierce in battle than their cousins, as once the battle begins they unleash their rage and hatred. However, as campaigns weigh on the leader of the crusades will become more hesitant in their tactics, they will second guess their decisions, and begin to doubt their own worthiness. On the most extreme, the sergeant of a squad or the captain of the battle force will enter into an exile like Raphiel, or will shut out the world around them in their sorrow. Some have found ways of coping, such as self mutilation and flagellation, or an obsession of fine art that is never satisfactory. This has led many to believe that the chapter has become mentally unstable, and some that it is only a matter of time before it's destabilized emotions open the gateway for corruption.
Therefore the Sanguinary Crusaders are doubly cursed, and must master the Thirst and the Guilt, as well as battle the Black Rage.

Orginization


The Sanguinary Crusaders are broken up as the codex dictates, with the same variations as the Blood Angels.

Among the differences are where seniority lies.

The majority of the Company Captains do not hold the special titles that their cousins would. The Master of the Watch, Master of the Arsenal, Master of the Fleet, Lord Executioner, Master of the Marches, and Master of Rites are all given to captains whose only roles are to fulfill those positions. Usually they are captains who have served with distinction and are too injured to continue in a battlefield role.

The Reserve Company Captains are the senior of the captains, though not by much, who have been taken off of the front lines in order to better train those in the reserve companies. The reserve company captains do hold the similar titles as their Blood Angel cousins, such as Master of Sieges, Lord of Skyfall, and Caller of Fire. The tenth company maintains the Master of Recruits.

All of those with special titles, including the First Company Captain, are part of the Chapter Council. The only captains that are not part of the council are the Battle Companies, whose primary duty is to the crusades they are waging. That is not to say that they have no weight in the running of the chapter, as the chapter council has rarely turned down the advice from those who are on the front.

The Priesthood


Amongst the slight differences, even with others of the gene line, are the roles of the Sanguinary Priests and Chaplains. Unlike the Blood Angels, they are not separate organizations. Sanguinary Priesthood is a dual faced organization, with the Sanguinary Crusaders serving as the wardens of the living and righteous, and the chaplains serving as the wardens of the dead and the damned. This also means that Chaplains have a rudimentary knowledge of collecting geneseed and training as an apothecary. However, this is mostly utilized in collecting the geneseed of those in the Death Company.

The Sanguinary High Priest is the highest ranking member of the priesthood, and stands as an equal to the Chapter Master. The Sanguinary High Priest is in charge of all matters involving the priesthood, and has the power to veto and override the Chapter Master at any time. All matters of faith, war, and promotion must first be submitted and reviewed by the priesthood.

To be selected for the priesthood is a great honor, and every squad recognizes two members based on merit. One will be marked with a white cord, and one with a black cord. Each will receive additional training as potential additions to the priesthood. When a Sanguinary Priest or Chaplain dies, one of the brothers with the respective cord will be selected to be admitted into the Priesthood.

The Angel of Remission


The Sanguinary Crusaders also have a position known as the Angel of Remission. Rather than wait for Astorath to execute those who have fallen, they have dedicated a single, strong willed battle brother. His duty is simple, he executes those that cannot be saved in life.

Because of the Burden of Guilt, this position is an extremely difficult one. In the past, the Angel of Remission would quickly lose his sanity, and so the chapter council got together and decided on a course of action. The Angel of Remission would have his memories wiped upon taking the mantle, and wiped again after each execution. However, this only delays the inevitable, as while the mind can be cleansed, the soul cannot.

Once chosen, the identity of the brother is recorded onto the scroll of sacrifice, where all names of those who have made noble sacrifices to honor Sanguinius would go. His identity is destroyed, his memories erased, and his face permanently covered. The Angel of Remission is not any one man, it is an immortal that releases tortured souls, and sends them to the embrace of Sanguinius and the Emperor.

Battle Cries


"Victory through sacrifice!"

Edited by Arkangilos, 17 October 2016 - 06:49 PM.

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#2
Ace Debonair

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Righto, let's take a look at this one then. ^_^

However, the chapter would not get to see the world as their own, as the first chapter master, Arkangilos, and the rest of the training cadre were, due to unremembered events, delayed. As such, the departure of the chapter took far longer than expected. By the time the chapter had finally embarked, the region it was to reside in was completely engulfed in war.


Hmm. It'd probably be better to have those events remembered.
If you can't think of anything to put there, I'd reccomend a warp storm or possibly an attack by traitor guard.

When the Sanguinary Crusaders finally reached Jiana, they found, to their horror, that it was controlled by the Arch-Enemy. The ensuing battle would cost the chapter its world, its Battlebarges, and the Blood Sword, a holy relic gifted to Arkangilos.
Arkangilos, distraught as his failure, deemed himself unworthy to rule until the blade was recovered and his honor restored. He brought the chapter council together, and informed them that they were to rule in his stead while he went on a personal crusade to recover the blade.


So... Arkangilos lost the sword without dying first?

It might be better if he forms the Chapter Council to rule in his stead. It seems odd that there'd be a council if you already have a single leader.

He proclaimed that only once he had retrieved the relic, and reclaimed the honor of the chapter, he would decide to rule again. He chose five men that would embark on the crusade with him, and left.
For five years, the chapter would try to rebuild without him. However, there was no homeworld, were no battlebarges, and it had no way to replenish itself. The chapter council decided that until Arkangilos returned, the chapter would only fight in battles that would yield it supplies. During these five years, Arkangilos travelled the stars, searching for the relic.


So what did the Chapter actually do with regards to a base of operations for those five years?
In fact, how did they get around to take part in these raider-esque battles?

Finally, after five years Arkangilos returned with the blade and invaluable information pertaining to great resources. The first of which was the Forge Ship Adinzus, which was held secretly by pirates in the Venhoff Nebula. The chapter immediately began the crusade to recover such a rare ship. The pirates, who had been caught off guard by the assault on their "secret" base, were quickly defeated and the Forge Ship taken.
The second treasure, the one that would become the Flagship of the now fleet based Sanguinary Crusaders, would be the Battlebarge Leviticus. Leviticus was an abandoned battlebarge, located in a small Ork empire. The Orks themselves had not yet discovered the battlebarge, but would no doubt uncover it when it was reactivated. As the Sanguinary Crusaders eased their fleet past the Ork's and began their repaires and reactivation of the ship, they also discovered in it a sacred armory, surrounded by unrecognizable dead bodies. In this armory were highly prized Terminator suits.


You don't really need to state they're now fleet-based.
Although how they all got there on just a Forge Ship is a bit beyond me. :huh:

Over the millinia, the Sanguinary Crusaders fleet grew, and finally, after many crusades, they came across a world in dire need of help. The world was the civilized world of Damoria, and in return for aid, Demoria rewarded the chapter with recruitment rights, and allowed the Sanguinary Crusaders to build their fortress monastary on the world of Damoria IV, once a hive world ravaged by war and chaos.


Millennia, I think.
You've also got two different spellings of your Homeworld. ^_^

"Crusaders of Blood, here you will find your new home." ~ Inscription on a statue of Sanguinius and the Emperor, found broken by the Sanguinary Crusaders.


This sounds as though the SC broke the statue. :P
'Inscription on a broken statue of Sanguinius, found by the SC' would work better.

Although it seems really unlikely that they'd just happen to find that inscription on a statue they somehow discover on the world they just happen to take as a homeworld.

The culture of the Damorian system itself is very civilised and artistic, though there is no culture to speak of on Damoria IV.


What.
How can they have a civilised, artistic culture that doesn't exist?

The Sanguinary Crusaders originally recruited from a large variaty of worlds, and so they had no definate culture. However, as the chapter settled in the Damorian system, the Damorians became the primary recruits.
The Sanguinary Crusaders, once every two years, go to surrounding worlds to assess the eligible recruits. Those who meet the qualifications are brought to the Fortress of Angels, where they begin their tests. The tests tries their patience, cognitive skills, and ability to cope with stress. Those who continue to excell are then taken to various training camps, where they under go physical trials. The best of them are then taken as recruits, and begin the implant process.
Those who failed, yet lived, are given the option of returning to their home or becoming surfs. Thus far, there has never been a single failed aspirant reject the offer to serve as a surf.


Cowabunga, dude. :P
I think you mean serf rather than surf.

Also, your first sentence basically says 'The SC have no personality'.
This is bad. Chapters should have personality - it's what makes them memorable.

Nobody ever says 'I like the Space Wolves because they won a battle on Randomland Primus against Eldar.' It's more frequently 'I like Space Wolves because they're viking werewolves, and badass with it.'

The Sanguinary Crusaders strive to be noble and pure. Like their father chapter, they want perfection in what they do. They are artistic in all that they do, including war. They are also noble, and have been known to sacrifice large quantities of resources to protect the Imperial Citizens.
However, if they are crossed, or come across a world that sheltered heretics, traitors, or have even just heard about them, they will bring fire to the world. Several worlds who had let a traitor who stole a precious relic land were quickly attacked, and the armies were severely battered, just so that the Crusaders would get the information they needed.


That bit seems absurdly over-the-top.
'We trampled this city because they've heard of traitors' isn't going to work as an excuse to the inquisitor raising his eyebrow at your methods and logic. :D

There are three levels of the Circle of Archangels. The first level is known as the level of Eternal Archangles, which is made up of the chapters veterans and dreadnaughts. One must first be here to move into the next level. The next level is the Outer Circle, which is made up of the Company Captains, Sanguinary Priests, and Sanguinary Guard. The final level is known as the Inner Circle, which is also the chapter council. It is made up of the Chapter Master, who holds the title of Angelic Crusader, Chapter Champion, First Company Captain, Master of the Guard, High Chaplain, Chief Librarian, Sanguinary High Priest, Fleet Master, and Master of Recruits.


You have a circle made of one guy? And that is a lot of titles for the fella to have, don't you think?
I don't even know why they have these in this Chapter. What's it meant to add?

Overall, I think the biggest problem with this chapter is the lack of any real personality.
If someone asked me what a marine from the Sanguinary Crusaders was like, I'd respond: "They're a BA successor", because I have no idea what the Chapter's character is.

What are they like? That's what makes an IA really interesting.
How do they view the Emperor? How do they view the AdMech, or Inquisition? How would you describe the people of their homeworld? How do the SC see the people of their homeworld?

It's not a bad IA, but really, really needs an injection of some character.

EDIT:
Apologies if any of the above seems overly harsh.
Everything I've written is with the intent of helping you develop your ideas and patch up any holes.

Edited by Ace Debonair, 25 May 2011 - 08:28 AM.


#3
Arkangilos

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Thank you :P. And don't worry, I do not think any of it was harsh at all.

I will work on those parts.

Also, for the Inner circle I did not mean for him to have all of those as titles, those were meant to be other people. The only title I meant for him to have was the Angelic Crusader. Sorry ;)

Could you help think of ways to add character right? I want them to be pious, self sacrificing, artistic, and a little bit humble, yet have a bad temper when it comes to traitors.
I am also trying to get across the idea of Crusades to better themselves, hence the personal crusades.

I edited it some, explaining that the Sanguinary Crusaders did have strike cruisers during the five years, just nothing larger, Arkangilos was unconscious when the Blood Sword was stolen, and a few other changes.

Edited by Telanicus, 25 May 2011 - 02:01 PM.

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#4
Heru

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Try not to use total black or over saturated colours when working with the new painter:
Posted Image
(Right click image > properties for link)
My Chapters (Blue) & Traitors (Red):
gallery_20677_1567_12051.jpg
1st Row: Falcon Knights, Darkwatch, Silver Scorpions, Phantom Hounds, Onyx Warlords, Wicked Gods, Wolves of Horus, The Blight, The Bloodborn
2nd Row: Iron Raptors, Immortals, Imperial Monarchs, Starbreakers, The Shadow Kings, The Fallen Lords, Black Wasps, Black Oracles, Dream Eaters

#5
Arkangilos

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Changed some things, and added some things

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#6
Ace Debonair

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Also, for the Inner circle I did not mean for him to have all of those as titles, those were meant to be other people. The only title I meant for him to have was the Angelic Crusader. Sorry :P

Oooops. ;)
I misread that in a big way, then. :)

Could you help think of ways to add character right? I want them to be pious, self sacrificing, artistic, and a little bit humble, yet have a bad temper when it comes to traitors.
I am also trying to get across the idea of Crusades to better themselves, hence the personal crusades.

Let me have a think. I might ramble a bit afterwards, but that's what happens when I think. :P

Pious in what sense? They don't worship the big E as a God.

For the other things, it's just a case of giving examples within the IA.

For instance, perhaps art is something encouraged and looked on positively by the denizens of Damoria, and over time the Chapter has come to think of battle as another form of art. The tactics and positioning of troops, the orchestration of supplies, reinforcements, environment - all smaller parts of the greater picture.

Perhaps instead of a homeworld-related influence the SC have arrived at this conclusion by themselves. They are BA successors, after all, and they've got an artistic side.

You could instead give them a craftsman-type approach to things, priding themselves on precision and flawless execution of tactics and strategies, like a well-oiled machine.

Humility is a difficult one. How could an Astartes show humility?
Do they interact with the people of Damoria? Other Imperial organizations? Are they always deliberately respectful of other Imperial forces, even those with conflicting ideologies?

A hatred of traitors is, by contrast, very easy. ;)
That comes across already, so no real worries on that score.

Self-sacrifice is another one I'd find tricky. I don't really know how that applies to Astartes.
Are they inclined to try and protect their allies on the battlefield? Do they try to take all the risks just to keep others out of harm's way?

Hopefully some or any of these ramblings give you some ideas. :lol:

#7
Octavulg

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There doesn't seem to be much to the chapter beyond Arkangilos (heretofore known as Arkie) wandering around. What makes this chapter unique? Do they have any unique personality traits or beliefs? Right now they feel a lot like the Blood Angels. And the Blood Angels have being the Blood Angels sewn up.

Arkie's adventures should probably have a tiny bit more detail - not too much, but at least with a little more detail of how he lost the sword and how the world fell to the Great Enemy.

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#8
Arkangilos

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Would like more comments :/ (Though not about grammer)

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#9
Walter Payton

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Hello,

Could you help think of ways to add character right?


Give them either an internal conflict, both in terms of mentality and of chapter conflict or a catastrophic flaw (above and beyond the Black Rage).

"Through Strength and Sacrifice, we will prevail!" ~Battle cry


I'd give this its own section. Come up with a direct quotation about life, the universe and everything from the Chapter Master or something.


However, the chapter would not get to see the world as their own, as the first chapter master, Arkangilos, and the rest of the training cadre were, due to attacks by piratical raiders, delayed.


You're overusing commas. This feels really clunky.

For five years, the chapter would try to rebuild without him. However, there was no homeworld, were no battlebarges, and it had no way to replenish itself.


You could make so so so so much more of this. Look at the flaw in Arkie, abnegating all responsiblity for the chapter for the sake of his own honour. You could spin a whole tragic story out of that, rather than relegate it to the status of a silly plot device.

The second treasure, the one that would become the flagship of the Sanguinary Crusaders, would be the Battlebarge Leviticus. Leviticus was an abandoned battlebarge, located in a small Ork empire. The Orks themselves had not yet discovered the battlebarge, but would no doubt uncover it when it was reactivated. As the Sanguinary Crusaders eased their fleet past the Ork's and began their repaires and reactivation of the ship, they also discovered in it a sacred armory, surrounded by unrecognizable dead bodies. In this armory were highly prized Terminator suits.
When Leviticus was finally repaired enough and its engines reactivated, the Orks caught on and a massive engagement followed. The Sanguinary Crusaders, who could not win, managed to retreat with minimal losses and their new flagship.


This needs rethought, you're getting to deus ex machina levels of arbitrary convenience.

This put them on good terms with the grunts



This is too informal.

However, with all of their nobility and sacrifice, with all of their caring for the Imperial people and with all of their self control, they have a bad temper when it comes to heretics.

When a heretic or traitor visits a world, if the world allows them to stay or receive any items from its people, the Chapter will rain fire and death upon the world. This has made Imperial Forces very wary as to who they let land on their planet while the chapter is near.


This is oddly written and somewhat strange. Are you saying that if a heretic inflitrates his way onto a world, they will conduct Exterminatus without an Inquisitor.

Unit Distinction


You really don't need a section on this, it's boring.

-------------------------

There are some good ideas, but the chapter needs a lot of work. You seem to trivialize your best ideas and magnify your worst ones.

Alecto

Edited by Brother-Captain Alecto, 04 June 2011 - 08:24 PM.

"Never die easy."


#10
Arkangilos

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All right, I added some and moved some to try and help. I am still doing more, but it might be a while.

What I meant by the heretic part was not necessarily exterminatus, but they assault the world and remove anyone that had any contact with them... even if they did not know it.

Suggestions on what I should expand on with Arkie? I wasn't trying to get it as a flaw of him doing that, He was more of trying to do it as a, "I am unworthy, I will not rule until I am worthy" sort of thing.

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#11
Walter Payton

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All right, I added some and moved some to try and help. I am still doing more, but it might be a while.

What I meant by the heretic part was not necessarily exterminatus, but they assault the world and remove anyone that had any contact with them... even if they did not know it.


It creates more problems that it solves. And I imagine most SM chapters do something similar

Suggestions on what I should expand on with Arkie? I wasn't trying to get it as a flaw of him doing that, He was more of trying to do it as a, "I am unworthy, I will not rule until I am worthy" sort of thing.


You can make a whole flaw out of that! His self delusion and his selfishness in embarking on a personal penitent crusade (especially if you make it all about his honour, not the chaptes) when the chapter needs him most.

"Never die easy."


#12
Arkangilos

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All right, I added some and moved some to try and help. I am still doing more, but it might be a while.

What I meant by the heretic part was not necessarily exterminatus, but they assault the world and remove anyone that had any contact with them... even if they did not know it.


It creates more problems that it solves. And I imagine most SM chapters do something similar

Suggestions on what I should expand on with Arkie? I wasn't trying to get it as a flaw of him doing that, He was more of trying to do it as a, "I am unworthy, I will not rule until I am worthy" sort of thing.


You can make a whole flaw out of that! His self delusion and his selfishness in embarking on a personal penitent crusade (especially if you make it all about his honour, not the chaptes) when the chapter needs him most.


How? could you give an example?

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#13
Ace Debonair

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How? could you give an example?


Arkangilos could accidentally inspire people to put their honour before the Chapter's by doing what he does.

The future leaders of the SC, thinking only to emulate their greatest hero, actually wind up abandoning the Chapter at crucial points, taking with them years of strategic/tactical acumen.
Worse still, because it's following in the footsteps of Arkangilos, it would probably be encouraged.

I say worse- it could actually be 'better still' if you choose to pursue this route. :P

#14
Arkangilos

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How? could you give an example?


Arkangilos could accidentally inspire people to put their honour before the Chapter's by doing what he does.

The future leaders of the SC, thinking only to emulate their greatest hero, actually wind up abandoning the Chapter at crucial points, taking with them years of strategic/tactical acumen.
Worse still, because it's following in the footsteps of Arkangilos, it would probably be encouraged.

I say worse- it could actually be 'better still' if you choose to pursue this route. :P


Aw ;) I was hoping to make Arkangilos's decision a better one so he is actually a great man. I mean, its not like he went during the battle, just when they were recovering from the battle (just thought about that, and it doesn't make it any better, lol :D ).

BUT WAIT! I actually did apply this with you and Chapter Master Ignis! In chapter 2-a, my whole chapter abandoned the crusade to reclaim Arkangilos and the Blood Sword, like he abandoned the chapter to reclaim the sword and his honor! AHA!
I didn't even realise it ;)

FORTUNATELY, it was still fighting the enemies of the Campaign, so no one else really knew I changed my objectives :D

Oh... I just told them all *counts readers and loads bolter shells one by one in a dramatic way*

+Edit+ Also, I did sort of work what he did into the IA, because in order to be considered an Archangel, they had to complete a personal crusade (that would benefit the chapter) and the crusade had to last 5 years, and they could take 5 men.

Edited by Telanicus, 18 July 2011 - 07:34 AM.

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#15
Ace Debonair

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Aw :( I was hoping to make Arkangilos's decision a better one so he is actually a great man. I mean, its not like he went during the battle, just when they were recovering from the battle (just thought about that, and it doesn't make it any better, lol :D ).

BUT WAIT! I actually did apply this with you and Chapter Master Ignis! In chapter 2-a, my whole chapter abandoned the crusade to reclaim Arkangilos and the Blood Sword, like he abandoned the chapter to reclaim the sword and his honor! AHA!
I didn't even realise it :P

FORTUNATELY, it was still fighting the enemies of the Campaign, so no one else really knew I changed my objectives :P

Oh... I just told them all *counts readers and loads bolter shells one by one in a dramatic way*

+Edit+ Also, I did sort of work what he did into the IA, because in order to be considered an Archangel, they had to complete a personal crusade (that would benefit the chapter) and the crusade had to last 5 years, and they could take 5 men.

*Dives behind couch for the cover save*
Well, then all you'd need to do is make a quick note somewhere that the Chapter doesn't always benefit from sending it's best and brightest out on personal crusades, and voila. :sweat:

On the one hand, awesome rite of passage steeped in tradiation and done in emulation of a great hero, on the other hand depriving the Chapter of a top-flight warrior for five years, during which time someone is bound to think 'man, if Brother Joey was here, he'd know the best way to shift those Orks' or similar.

And it doesn't diminsh Arkangilos or his legacy much - he was still a great and accomplished hero of the Astartes and the Imperium.
The flaw, really, is that the others don't cotton on to the fact these personal crusades only help one marine, rather than the entire Chapter. ;)

#16
Arkangilos

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Got started on this again.

Here is the part I changed today, I also put it up there but for ease of access, here too.

The Sanguinary Crusaders, once every two years, go to surrounding worlds to assess the eligible recruits. Those who meet the qualifications are brought to the Fortress of Angels, where they begin their tests. The tests try their patience, cognitive skills, and ability to cope with stress. Those who continue to excel are then taken to various training camps, where they undergo physical trials.
Once the trials are complete, the recruits are split into groups of twenty. Keeping with the traditions of the chapter, each group is given an objective for a crusade. They are given only the bare necessities to begin their crusade. They are also given a single map, with various regional warnings and routes. The only weapons provided are the short swords that the battle brothers will carry for the rest of their lives.
The recruits are given no leadership or special officers. They must figure out how to work as a team or die, sometimes brining the entire group to their deaths as well. Those recruits that take charge are noted for their leadership abilities, and those who show exceptional faith and watch over their brothers are also noted, and those recruits are destined to be either Chaplains are Sanguinary Priests, depending on how they display their faith and how later tests turn out.
This initiation crusade is a perilous one, and though the groups set out with twenty, they usually complete their crusade with fewer than five. However, those that complete it are immediately inducted into the chapter and begin the implant and scout phase of their new lives. Usually, those who survived the crusade are kept with their groups as they join their scout squads.
Those that survive, yet are unable to complete the crusade due to ill fate such as injuries, are given the great honor of joining the chapter’s serfs. This also gives them the hope that one day their descendants may yet join the ranks of the Sanguinary Crusaders Chapter.


Also, I am going to work on making the Crusades work out to be a sort of flaw as well, like you all have suggested. I am working on it.

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#17
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I like it!
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#18
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I like it!


Anything specific (other than spelling, I actually did fix all of that in word, I just have yet to convert it over) you think should be changed or elaborated on?

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#19
Aegnor

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I like it. There are a couple of coincidences, but given Sanguinius was psychic and it apparently flows onto his sons, it is ok here in a way that would maybe jar in a chapter of a different heritage.

One small thing - you mention that they follow the Codex but remain flexible and "break tactics" where they feel it appropriate. This suggests you take the view of the Codex that is a set of specific tactics which are required to be applied mechanically in the corresponding circumstance. That is unfortunately the impression some GW material gives. Given the Codex is meant to be the most brilliant military text ever written, this idea of the Codex seems a bit silly. I think it's a matter of the manner in which different chapters interpret the text - whether they take a narrow, prescriptive view of its teachings (aka missing the point of it) or whether they embrace its ideas of intelligent analysis of situations and flexible adaptation based on sound principles.

tl;dr - saying "they follow the codex except when it tells them to do something dumb or unimaginative" is a inaccurate cliche. Saying "they follow the codex, in an intelligent, imaginative manner that embraces the spirit of Guilliman's military philosophy" is both more accurate and interesting regarding your boys' personality.
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#20
SnakeoilSage

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I like it!


Anything specific (other than spelling, I actually did fix all of that in word, I just have yet to convert it over) you think should be changed or elaborated on?


Yeah, the spelling was okay. I've never thought of Chaos as "the Unholy" but that's semantics.

I like your Chapter's earlier crusades and I think you should run with it more. Maybe these "grail quests" have become tradition? A new Captain must take his honor guard and seek out something of value: a lost relic, a vital resource, a great foe to slay, etc. He returns successful or not at all: the Chapter only allows the best of the best to lead.

I also like the duality of the Chapter--its homeworld is a wasteland but it's recruitment world is a highly civilized and cultural planet. Maybe that could be expanded on? Maybe the Chapter recruits from noble families (similar to the Ultramarines) and knightly orders of the planet. I suggest making the planet a Knight world, and forge some friendly ties with the Adeptus Mechanicus (who would adore your chapter for reclaiming a forge ship).

Finally--and this is just optional--I think a French flavor would set your Chapter apart from others. Your recruiting world could be styled after The reign of Louis XIV in the 17th-18th centuries, fraught with political intrigues and the romanticized Three Musketeers, and even draw traits from the Warhammer Fantasy land of Bretonnia, which uses both Arthurian Fantasy and medieval French flavors. There are lots of colorful titles and ideas packed into all three that could really make your Chapter's personality stand out.
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#21
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Alright, it's been ages, and right now it is 2:11 AM so I am writing this while pretty tired, BUT I finally updated it. For those of you that were around the first time around, what do you think of the changes? For those of you that weren't around and didn't read it ages ago, what do you think?


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#22
Commissar Molotov

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Having just read the first post, I think that there's quite a bit of potential here.

 

I like the idea that your first Chapter Master lapsed into a depressive fugue state. It shows an interesting counterpoint to the cathartic rage of the Blood Angels. I've mentioned before in other threads that Sanguinius is a rather multi-faceted character, and that Blood Angels successors often seem to exemplify specific aspect of their father's soul. It would be interesting if that melancholic lethargy was something that threatened your Chapter. It could perhaps link to the idea of the humours - to their brother-chapters, the Sanguinary Crusaders seem somewhat unbalanced - that there is something within them grasping at them, something that they must conquer to succeed. This ties into the self-doubt your Captains seem to have (though having them all abandon the Chapter for the slightest of failures seems a little too much for me).

 

I've always thought the impressive mental self-control that Blood Angels successors must exhibit to continue is an interesting aspect.

 

I would like to see a clearer differentiation between the two homeworlds your Chapter has had - perhaps during Raphael's self-imposed isolation the Chapter still remained on the broken ruins of their world - a clear reminder of their shame. Only once your Chapter achieved some measure of redemption and was able to move forward did the Crusaders find themselves a new world? 


 
QUOTE (voi shet magir @ May 31 2011, 05:38 AM) 
That is an unexpectedly strong assertion from a dead person.

#23
Arkangilos

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Having just read the first post, I think that there's quite a bit of potential here.

 

I like the idea that your first Chapter Master lapsed into a depressive fugue state. It shows an interesting counterpoint to the cathartic rage of the Blood Angels. I've mentioned before in other threads that Sanguinius is a rather multi-faceted character, and that Blood Angels successors often seem to exemplify specific aspect of their father's soul. It would be interesting if that melancholic lethargy was something that threatened your Chapter. It could perhaps link to the idea of the humours - to their brother-chapters, the Sanguinary Crusaders seem somewhat unbalanced - that there is something within them grasping at them, something that they must conquer to succeed. This ties into the self-doubt your Captains seem to have (though having them all abandon the Chapter for the slightest of failures seems a little too much for me).

 

I've always thought the impressive mental self-control that Blood Angels successors must exhibit to continue is an interesting aspect.

 

I would like to see a clearer differentiation between the two homeworlds your Chapter has had - perhaps during Raphael's self-imposed isolation the Chapter still remained on the broken ruins of their world - a clear reminder of their shame. Only once your Chapter achieved some measure of redemption and was able to move forward did the Crusaders find themselves a new world? 

Hmmm, good ideas. 

 

Them leaving on Crusades like that actually stemmed from previous feedback that I incorporated. I'll definitely flesh that out so that it can also fit what you said. Maybe scrap it, I'll definitely give it all some thought! I've got a good while before I get home, though tongue.png

 

So do you think I should focus more on the depressive emotion, or focus on an over all emotional imbalance? 

 

Also, I know what the humours are, but could you give an example of what you mean?


Edited by Arkangilos, 18 February 2015 - 01:43 AM.

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#24
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I added this to the homeworld spot

For the ten years from the disaster of Taskus IV to the return of Arkangilos and the embarkation of the crusade, the Sanguinary Crusaders maintained their holdings on Taskus. Their incomplete fortress monastery had began falling apart, a reflection of the will of Raphael. As the years passed, the planet's condition deteriorated, having been unattended to after the battle against the chaos fleet. Life on the planet withered, the buildings of what civilizations remained collapsed into ruin. After ten years, the chapter finally left, never to return to the dying world, a memory of shame to be added to their records.


I added the bellow section.

The Burden of Guilt


The First Chapter Master Raphael's depression seemed to be an isolated event at first. Yet, as time and generations passed others began to suffer the same effects. As the marines gained more responsibilities of command, the toll of defeats seemed to weigh more heavily on their shoulders. Every loss of a battle brother, every lost battle, and every setback would see the motivation of the commanders edged away.

Why this happens no one is sure, but the Sanguinary Priests of the chapter believe that their chapter has inherited the guilt of failure from Sanguinius. They have come to refer to this as The Guilt.

This does not mean that the Sanguinary Crusaders are less fierce in battle than their cousins, as once the battle begins they unleash their rage and hatred. However, as campaigns weigh on the leader of the crusades will become more hesitant in their tactics, they will second guess their decisions, and begin to doubt their own worthiness. On the most extreme, the sergeant of a squad or the captain of the battle force will enter into an exile like Raphiel, or will shut out the world around them in their sorrow.

Therefore the Sanguinary Crusaders are doubly cursed, and must master the Thirst and the Guilt, as well as battle the Black Rage.



Edited by Arkangilos, 18 February 2015 - 07:48 PM.

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#25
Arkangilos

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I'm thinking about making different battle brothers with different temperaments handle their feelings of inadequacy and guilt different ways, from self imposed exiles (the personal crusades), to self mutilation of some sort, over obsession on art and stuff like that. 


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