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IA: The Blades


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#1
Shinzaren

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Okay, edited it for wordiness across the entire thing, though more changes may still be necessary. Finally have time to actually work on it!

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"Let no man who raises arms against you survive to do it twice." - Blade proverb.


The Blades are an Adeptus Astartes chapter of Ferrus Mannus' geneseed, trained by the Iron Hands in the methods of their great Primarch, and crafted to bring glory to the Imperium. Founded in the closing years of M33 to combat the mounting threats to the Imperium, the Blades training cadre was led by Captain Losare, an Iron Hands commander who did not share his comrades utter intolerance of weakness. He believed weakness was present in all men and only by accepting this could mankind rise above itself, standing proud and tall with their own strength. He was a skilled and dedicated commander, but such aberrant views made him unpopular within the chapter, and so when their geneseed was called for in the new founding the Clan Council saw this as a way to peacefully rid themselves of him. He chose a cadre of marines with similar views and set out to make a chapter that saw the galaxy as he did: a dangerous place, full of weak men who needed to be nurtured to overcome their hardships.

Setting out far from Medusa and his former brothers, they eventually came across a system in the far North-East region of Segmentum Obscurus. The system was called Burrei, and its planets were peaceful, verdant worlds; seemingly untouched by the ravages of a galaxy at war. A pair of semi-Civilized worlds, Rejal and Therph, worshiped their version of the Emperor and converted quickly and smoothly to the Imperial Creed, easily embracing the technology and changes of the Imperium. The small death world of Veran was left untouched, to be used as recruiting ground from its savage tribal warriors. Even the garden world of Lafen was quick to embrace the Imperial Way, clearing large tracts of land to serve agriculturally, providing food and export to the civilized planets. In all things the people of the system were the ideal populace for a Space Marine home. Lorace believed this to be a sign of the Emperor's blessing on the new chapter, that four such worlds could be found together and could so quickly and peacefully be turned to his Light.

The Blades settled, and quickly began to develop their Chapter, building their numbers and striking against the Greenskins of the nearby systems, both to ensure the peace of their new home, and to give their trainees valuable combat experience. The deathworld of Veran proved to be the perfect recruiting ground, and Losare himself claimed the first batch of potential recruits, starting the legends of the Giant King and his Warriors, who took the worthy into heaven. Even the more civilized worlds provided strong recruits, reinforcing Lorace's belief that his Chapter had been blessed. When their numbers had reached Chapter strength, Chapter Master Losare declared that the Blades would crusade among the stars, returning every 75 years to reintegrate new recruits and restock their fleet. Leaving his most trusted Captain in charge of recruitment and the maintenance of the system, Losare and his 900 warriors set out, leaving 100 marines to train the recruits and continue their management of the nearby Ork threat.

For 75 years the Blades crusaded, earning accolades and victories over the major enemies of man. Everywhere, they spread the light of the Emperor and taught the value of helping their brothers to overcome what hurtles blocked their way. Defeat itself seemed to shy from their presence, and none who witnessed their glories could doubt that the Emperor himself was guiding them. In the 75th year, they returned to Burrei and its planets, where they restocked and resupplied. Losare was pleased to note the success of his Captain, who had trained many new recruits and won much victory against the nearby Orks. He also noted with pride how quickly the local populaces had adapted to Imperial rule, and how quickly the chapter was establishing itself. Finished resupplying, Losare set out again, winning more victories and claiming more worlds, bringing each to the light of the Emperor with minimal casualties and as little infrastructure damage as possible. The cycle continued thrice more; 300 years since their discovery of the system and its pious people. The fifth crusade set out and another 75 years passed before the Blades returned home once again, only to find that everything had changed.


In the absence of the Blades, something changed amongst the populace. Something stirred the dark urges of their hearts and fanned the flames of rebellion. As one united system they rose up and revolted against their Emperor, casting down His statues and setting fire to His worlds. The Blades deployed immediately, but were caught off guard by the size and coordination of the rebellion. The marines and recruits who deployed were overwhelmed and killed; their Fortress-Monastery on Veran was seized and pillaged. By the time Lorace and his chapter returned, the system was in anarchy, the populaces having turned to the worship of Chaos and on each other. Corrupt rulers held sway over cities and their people, offering up everything to their Chaos masters. Though few records exist from these dark days, the Blades maintain that some outside force was at work, goading the populace on. Whether this was true, or whether the citizens betrayed the Emperor of their own accord is of little relevance, as the the main force of the Chapter returned, too consumed by rage and grief to trouble themselves with such details.

It broke Lorace's mighty heart to see his beloved worlds fall to such a state, and in the void where love had been, vengeance and hate took up residence. The Blades were disgusted by the lack of faith in their own worlds and set to cleansing them with such zeal as to give the most vile traitor pause. Amid the decades of battling to reclaim the worlds, something changed within the Blades. Before they accepted weakness and lent their own strength to aid the weak when they could. Now, they began to abhor the weak populace that had turned on them, and in their disgust, began an ever more violent approach to dealing with such callow folk. Every world in the system felt the Blades anger, and none more so than Rejal. As the last world in the system to be pacified, it felt the fullest force of the Blades' rage. Deciding to make a permanent example of the world, Lorace deployed a trio of cyclonic torpedoes directly into the planet's core, the detonation of which shattered the planet from the inside out. Cracked and broken in a display of horrific violence, the planet's ruins exist even now, bound together by their own gravity. The Blades may have planned this, as the shattered planet serves as a permanent reminder of the price of disloyalty to any and all who reside in the system.
The Hidden Threat

The Hidden Threat
While the people of the Burrei system quickly and efficiently transitioned to the Imperial Way, there were many elements who resented the fact that their culture and beliefs had been completely subverted into the worship of a half-dead man. It was these elements that wandered further and further from the Imperial Creed, eventually turning to Chaos in their quest for answers and vengeance. While remaining hidden, these radical elements built up their supporters and waited, using the time to learn more of their new Gods, and what was expected of them. Some seized records also make mention of shadowy figures, armored like the Blades, but worshiping fell Gods. What role these 'Dark Giants' played, or if they even existed at all is unknown, though the similarities between these masterminds and the Traitor Legions does lend credence to the idea that an outside force was at work in Burrei. In their quest to cast down the Emperor, they made ever more unholy alliances and through coercion, trickery, bribes, and subtlety they eventually came to hold sway over the majority of the system, though even then remaining completely hidden. The complacence of the Blades in their home systems is largely to blame for this going so long unnoticed, and by the time any alarm could be raised it was far to late. When the majority of the Chapter headed back out on their next crusade, the rebels struck, toppling the Emperor from every world and goading a peaceful populace to terrible acts.


By the time the last fires of rebellion had been put down, and the system brought back into line, the death toll was in the billions, and the once vibrant worlds were burnt echoes of their former glory. The populace of the system had dropped nearly in half, and still the Blades were not satisfied. As retribution for the system's betrayal, the Blades killed the first born of every family in the system, letting them know forever more than dissent was never to be tolerated. All men above the age of 25 were put the sword as well, so that the populace would forever remember their treachery. In one move, the Blades reduced the population in half yet again, gave birth to a matriarchal society, bred a new breed of fanatical loyalists, and turned forever from the kindness of their past. The survivors of the Burrei Purge renewed their faith in the Emperor under the direst threat, and the new female-driven societies preached the value of strength and loyalty. They swore the most fell oaths of loyalty to the Blades and within a year, the system was a model of Imperial faith once again, albeit an underpopulated one.

Satisfied that his system was now in line, the aging Lorace decreed that the new focus of the Blades would be to crush the seeds of rebellion wherever they sprouted and to put down any who would even whisper of secession. They rebuilt their monastery on one of Veran's moon and once more set out among the stars. This time however, they did not bring the Emperor's light to the darkness. Instead, they brought His sword to the betrayers, earning a fearsome reputation for curbing heresy that outclassed even their forebearers. Finding like-minded allies among the most hard lined elements of the Inquisition, the Blades dedicated themselves to destroying any and all who had betrayed the Imperium and its Emperor, no matter where they hid. The Blades' crusades had begun anew, and the faithless would tremble.


The Blades make their home in the Burrei system in the North-Eastern Segmentum Obscurus. Once home to a pair of civilized worlds, one now shattered and lifeless, a verdant garden world, and vicious deathworld; the Burrei system is the perfect home ground of an Astartes chapter. The devastating effects of the Purge have had a profound psychological and sociological impact on the system. The destruction of the once civilized world of Rejal serves as a permanent physical reminder of the brutal wars, but the impact on the remaining worlds's societies is even more noticeable. In the aftermath of these terrible events, the number of surviving men was barely a quarter that of the women, and none was over the age of 24. It was the women who filled the void, taking on every role from Planetary Governess to PDF Commander. In the centuries that followed, men were permanently relegated to more physical roles, while women continued their dominance of nearly all aspects of leadership. All the worlds are now matriarchal societies dedicated to the Emperor and his servants, the Blades.

On the Deathworld of Veran, this change has seen the rise of two distinct, gender based tribal cultures. The men war with the women, and vice versa, battling for dominance of the planet. The female tribes capture men for breeding, and the men capture women for the same purpose, ensuring the continuation of both sects. Should a male tribe give birth to a female, or a female tribe give birth to a male, they will be inspected for flaws and then raised in a grueling environment to be a breeder. Such captives live a life of relative safety, though only so long as they continue to produce new offspring for the tribe. Though only the men can become Astartes, the Blades make sure to honor the fiercest warriors of both genders with weapons and other trade goods, ensuring the competition for dominance stays fierce.
The Fall of the Monastery

The vile treachery of the rebellions of Burrei culminated in the siege and eventual destruction of the Blades' first monastery on the deathworld of Veran. Though a mighty bastion armed with formidable defenses, even this great structure was unable to hold against the evil that had befallen the system. Millions of former civilians launched themselves at the walls in a blind hate. Undermanned, and far outnumbered, the fortress and its defenders never had a prayer. Though thousands, tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of men and women died outside its gates, the outcome was certain. Eventually a large hole was blasted in one of the outer walls and the horde streamed in. The defenders were dragged from their posts and savagely torn to pieces, even as Blades and their servitors continued to blast away at the mob. Though the monastery fell, the deepest, most heavily defended areas of the Fortress remained secure; their reinforced vaults and heavy security deterring even the most crazed assailant. Still, the rest of the Fortress was pillaged, looted, and debased; the defenders' bodies mutilated and put on display. The arriving Blades' chapter found their precious bastion in flames and this act of wanton desecration spurred the Blades to the most brutal of retributions, hardening their hearts ever after.

Among the civilized worlds, the Purge saw the resurgence of worship in the Emperor as a vengeful yet just God. All the varied societies pay homage to Him in nearly the same way, with fanatical female led churches, all of whom have a military arm. Strength is the most valued quality in the now militarized system and each man and woman hungers to prove him/herself before the God-Emperor. This fascination with strength has led to the idea of 'might makes right.' Disputes are often settled by ritual combat, and those accused of a crime always have the right to trial by arms. Though nearly impossible to survive, if the accused manages to succeed in these trials, he or she is cleared of all charges and welcomed again as a productive member of society. Though this system would seem likely to produce high crime rates and violent offenders, the ever watchful eyes of the Blades ensure that the populace adheres staunchly to the ideals of the Emperor in his warrior persona. Repeat offenders and serial criminals often disappear without a trace, often in conjunction with a Blades 'compliance patrol.' Though some view the Blades's heavy-handed influence on the system as a role unworthy of Astartes, the Blades view the absolute faithfulness of their home worlds to be the highest priority, and they actively hunt down and destroy any rebellious or secessionist elements, often in gruesome public displays of torture and execution.

Hidden among the many unnamed moons of Veran is the Blades's Fortress-Monastery, carved into the bedrock of one of these many satellites. It is from here that the Blades wage their eternal crusades against the betrayers of the galaxy, and to the people of the Burrei system, the moons of Veran have taken on a sinister reputation. Children are scared into obedience and worship of the Emperor by tales of the Blades, who emerge from the dark of the stars to snatch away any who turn from His way. The constant presence of the Blades in the system and on the worlds they recruit from serves as a telling reminder that the Emperor is always watching.


The Blades head into every possible battle through the use of Drop Pods, screaming from the sky for the ultimate in terror and surprise. Once on the ground they engage their foes in close combat whenever possible, reveling in their strength of arms. As they have directed their might almost singularly against betrayers, traitor marines, and secessionist planets; the Blades have come to delight in breaking the spirits of these hated enemies in the fury of melee warfare. As such, long-range firepower and heavy weapons are taken to battle only when necessary, and even the tactical and devastator marines are armed with a blade of some kind, should they be 'forced' into close combat.

Squads are organized on an ad-hoc basis, an almost singular break from their Codex organization. Each squad commander draws his men from the Company's pool of resources, ensuring that specialists go where they are needed. As fighting forms tight bonds, it is common for a squad's lineup to remain constant even past a campaign, barring death or promotion. Orders are obeyed instantly and without question, even in the strangest of circumstances, as the Blades view the questioning of orders as the first step towards secession and, ultimately, death. As such, squad commanders have great authority while on campaign and are given large freedoms with how to complete their missions.

The Blades obsession with self-reliance and personal strength has lead to a marked downturn in the deployment of vehicles and heavy armor. Each warrior believes that only by relying on himself and his fellow Astartes can victory be won, and nearly all the Blades see the deployment of armor as a crutch. After all, how can a warrior prove his strength when the steel beast fights for him? However, they are not fools, and when the situation calls for it, the Blades will deploy armor, though only so long as absolutely necessary before withdrawing and redeploying into the fray on foot, a strategy some fellow Astartes chapters have called foolish and time-consuming. Should an Astartes commit some offence against the Chapter, it is likely that he will find himself seconded to the armory as a form of penance, until his reparations have been made. This motivates these fallen Blades, as they bear witness to their brothers winning honor and glory in the crush of close range battle, while themselves earn nothing, as no kill made with a vehicle is celebrated.


The Blades organize themselves as closely to the Codex as they can, though minor divergences do occur. The Blades possess a smaller than average Librarium, seeing the psyker taint as a dangerous, yet necessary risk. They do not actively recruit psykers, and indeed try to avoid them. Still, psychic recruits occur, and each is molded into a librarian of the Chapter. In contrast to this, the Blade have a larger than average Reclusiam, with many marines taking the vows of the Chaplain. The fervently devout people of the Burrei system lead naturally religious and military lives, and it is no surprise therefore that many of their sons become Chaplains within the Blades. The Chaplains are seen as positions of true honor, blending military strength seamlessly with the worship of the Emperor. The High Chaplain sits at the right hand of the Chapter Master and is often the first voice that the great leader will call on for advice.

First Master Lorace's initial disagreements with his former Iron Hands brothers extended to the position of Techmarine, a role Lorace was known to despise. As he initially believed that mankind must use its own strength to stand and be recognized, he viewed the Techmarine's insistence and reliance on machinery to be the antithesis of this belief. As such, Techmarines were an unwelcome, but necessary sacrifice for the Blades. Those with the proper attitude for technology were both pitied and despised, as their induction into the tech-cult denied them the opportunity to win glory for the Emperor with their own, human strength. Even after the events of the Purge and the subsequent realignment of the Blades's beliefs, Techmarines were still shunned, now for their reliance on technology and machinery over strength of true flesh and soul.

As the Blades despise the use of vehicles as a crutch, they possess only a small armor pool consisting almost entirely of Land Raiders, which they use to fill nearly every combat role. Even these mighty vehicles are rarely deployed however, and it is almost a miracle to witness the deployment of any grouping of armor. The Blade possess only a handful of Predators, Whirlwinds, and Vindicators; and they possess no Land Speeders of any kind, feeling that the Speeders are too fragile and weak to stand to the stresses of combat. What armor the Blades deemed useless was traded away to other chapters in exchange for valuable terminator armor, relic weapons, or master forged equipment, ensuring that the Blades are extremely well outfitted in their chosen methods of warfare.


The Blades have earned a reputation as cold and uncaring men who weigh the fates of an entire population on the actions of a few. They see betrayal as the ultimate form of weakness and attack relentlessly those who abandon their oaths. When combat with a traitorous world or rebellious system is concluded, the Blades often carry out their practice of destroying the first born of every house. This has earned the Blades a particularly grim and bloody reputation and many fellow Astartes have refused to fight alongside such callous warriors. This has made them other enemies as well, notably from factions among the Inquisition, who see the purges of the Blades as crossing the line. Such inquiries and rebukes have thus far been blocked by the most hardline elements of the Inquisition who look approvingly on the brutal stance the Blades take. The Blades care not for politics, instead focusing on their goal of destroying every last traitor and oath-breaker in the galaxy.

The Blades believe strongly in the Emperor, worshiping him as the Great Father of their race, and the strongest of them all. They do not pray to him for strength or guidance, but rather believe that deeds alone are worthy of him. They believe that the greatest way man can show his worship to the Emperor is to destroy those who have turned from his light. The Blades hold a special hatred for those governors and planetary leaders who turn from the Emperor, feeling that the Emperor gave them everything and they still cast it aside, an attitude that extends to the traitorous legions. When in combat with the faithless and oath-breakers, the Blades give no quarter, putting all who battle against them to the sword. Their overriding philosophy is that those who raise arms against their brothers, fathers, masters, and friends must be dealt with in such a way that it can never happen again. This has led to the barbaric yet effective practice of cutting the right hand off a third of the non-combatants of traitor worlds to make a simple point: Any world that would raise a hand against the Imperium shall lose that hand. This practice, more so than any other, has brought on Inquisitorial censure and rebuke, as a crippled workforce is an inefficient and useless workforce. Still, none can argue over the results, as many a world visited by the Blades has been carved into a model of Imperial faith.

Though the Blades care little for allies or friends, they maintain a stiff yet productive relationship with the most hard line elements of the Inquisition, who point the Blades towards traitorous worlds or rebellious factions. This symbiotic relationship ensures that these oath breakers are dealt with, and that the Blades are protected from the censure of less callous elements of the Imperium. Many an Inquisitor has underestimated the Blades however, thinking they will merely deal with an offending world's rebellious elements, and are shocked when they realize how brutal and unflinching the Blades' methods are. As a Chapter, the Blades have become synonymous with the harshest response and only the most dedicated Inquisitors now call upon them for aid, though this suits the Blades, as they can always find enemies to slay.


The Blades are off the Iron Hands gene-seed, and though they once split themselves because of their differing beliefs, they have returned to the fold, in a manner of speaking. They share their forefather's intense hatred and disgust of weakness, though they battle more against the weakness of the soul than of the body. Unlike their fathers, the Blades share no great affinity with the Adeptus Mechanicus, nor do they posses the high level of bionics that their gene-fathers do; breaks from the Iron Hands tradition that trace their beginnings all the way back to Lorace's original belief that Mankind must not rely on anything but his own strength. What they do share is a willingness to put down the rebellions of the Imperium with lethal, often brutal, force.


Black Blade stabbing an open palm.

Edited by Shinzaren, 06 December 2013 - 03:44 AM.


#2
Ace Debonair

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So... what's the actual name of this Chapter again?
The Blades, or the Black Blades?

This practice, more than any other, has brought on Inquisitorial censure and rebuke, as a crippled workforce is an inefficient and useless workforce. Still, none can argue that a world visited the Blades at war is never visited by them again.


I think this might be a typo, unless you want them lurking around the worlds they attack. :ermm:

Otherwise, seems fairly solid, no glaringly obvious mistakes. A good start. :huh:

Edited by Ace Debonair, 02 June 2011 - 06:19 PM.

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#3
Shinzaren

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So... what's the actual name of this Chapter again?
The Blades, or the Black Blades?

Haha, oops... It was originally the Black Blades, but I kept just referring to them as the Blades throughout, so I eventually just changed it to Blades. I will fix the Black Blades areas.

This practice, more than any other, has brought on Inquisitorial censure and rebuke, as a crippled workforce is an inefficient and useless workforce. Still, none can argue that a world visited the Blades at war is never visited by them again.


I think this might be a typo, unless you want them lurking around the worlds they attack. :P


It's supposed to state that they only need to visit a world one time to bring it back into line for good. The residents are too terrified to ever step out of line again sort of thing, even thousands of years later. I was trying to say that :P

Otherwise, seems fairly solid, no glaringly obvious mistakes. A good start. :P

At least no glaring mistakes yet... There's still time :P

Thanks for the once over. :)

#4
Shinzaren

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Trimmed out the word Black before Blades wherever I noticed it, changed a few minor things, and fixed some grammar/spelling mistakes. I'm not really sure where to take these guys next, and so I'll just wait for some feedback before making any major changes/alterations.

#5
Tyther

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Nice. A traitor-hunting Chapter. Does the Inquisition ever send them letters thanking them for all the people they've had to lay off?

In all seriousness, though, good job on the Blades. They're credible, too, which is always a nice thing. There's an issue that is a little unclear, though:

The Blades deployed immediately, but were caught off guard by the size and coordination of the rebellion. The marines and recruits who were deployed were overwhelmed and killed, and their Fortress-Monastery on Veran was seized and pillaged.


How exactly were Space Marines caught off-guard? They're Space Marines. They campaign on treacherous alien worlds expecting razor-sharp storms of shuriken or Chaos bolter shells to come out of the skies at any moment, and they can't respond to a civilian force? Were they just complacent and assume their planet's populace would never do that, or was some other factor in play? And as for them being overwhelmed, I assume the process was relatively (for humans) slow? Since an Astartes is worth at least ten fully armed regular soldiers, even one hundred (full company strength) would be worth several hundred corrupted civilians in a tactical situation, and more in a strategic sense. Or were they just trying to contain the civilians rather than purge the heresy at the time?

Anyway, on the whole, congrats. I especially liked the hand-picked squads concept, and that by custom, you end up with near-constant rosters anyway. Kudos.
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#6
legoss

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Very cool idea, I like how you've had them rise, fall and be reforged into something entirely different. And the extreme punishments are very cool ideas too, brutal, unrefined, unconstrained by anything. Fantastic ideas, keep up the good work. :huh:

#7
HvitrValdyr

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For 75 years the Blades crusaded, earning accolades and victories over the major enemies of man. They seemed blessed by the Emperor's own hand, winning control of old systems thought lost, and new systems just discovered. Everywhere, they spread the light of the Emperor and taught the value of helping their brothers to overcome what hurtles blocked their way. In the 75th year, they returned to Burrei and its planets, where they restocked and resupplied. Losare was pleased to note the success of his Captain, who had trained many new recruits and won much victory against the nearby Orks. Finished resupplying, Losare set out again, winning more victories and claiming more worlds. The cycle continued thrice more; 300 years since their discovery of the system and its pious people. The fifth crusade set out once more and another 75 years passed before the Blades returned home once again, only to find that everything had changed.

Gene-Seed:
The Blades are off the Iron Hands gene-seed, and though they once split themselves because of their differing beliefs, they have returned to the fold, in a manner of speaking. They share their forefather's intense hatred and disgust of weakness, though they battle more against the weakness of the soul than of the body. Unlike their fathers, the Blades share no great affinity with the Adeptus Mechanicus, nor do they posses the high level of bionics that their gene-fathers do. What they do share is a willingness to put down the rebellions of the Imperium with lethal, often brutal, force.


I think these are spelling mistakes. Should read hurdles and of respectively.
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"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety"
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#8
Shinzaren

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The Blades deployed immediately, but were caught off guard by the size and coordination of the rebellion. The marines and recruits who were deployed were overwhelmed and killed, and their Fortress-Monastery on Veran was seized and pillaged.


How exactly were Space Marines caught off-guard? They're Space Marines. They campaign on treacherous alien worlds expecting razor-sharp storms of shuriken or Chaos bolter shells to come out of the skies at any moment, and they can't respond to a civilian force? Were they just complacent and assume their planet's populace would never do that, or was some other factor in play? And as for them being overwhelmed, I assume the process was relatively (for humans) slow? Since an Astartes is worth at least ten fully armed regular soldiers, even one hundred (full company strength) would be worth several hundred corrupted civilians in a tactical situation, and more in a strategic sense. Or were they just trying to contain the civilians rather than purge the heresy at the time?

This will go in a sidebar, giving more depth to the initial uprisings. The basic idea is that there ~100 marines left to guard the monastery on Veran, plus recruits in various stages of training/implantation. For the last 300 years, the Burrei system has been the ideal Imperial system, in every possible regard. This has caused the Blades to become to complacent in their home borders, making them unable to see the rebellion brewing. The signal/catalyst of the Burrei Rebellion is when a squad of marines on patrol of the semi-peaceful garden world of Lafen is ambushed by a massive crowd; dragged down by sheer numbers and killed. Responding in force to what they think is an isolated rebellion in one city of one world, the Blades are completely caught off guard when the entire system surges against them. With barely 100 marines, they are unable to fight all the worlds and are pushed back to monastery on Veran where they are finally dragged down beneath millions of boots. The monastery falls, but not without costing the rebels thousands, maybe millions, of lives. The monastery is looted and burned, with only the most high security areas remaining safe. The gene-seed stocks, the WMD armaments, etc. Buried far below ground and protected by the most devastating and powerful defenses of the entire base, the rebels leave these areas be. They loot the rest and set the whole system ablaze, burning like a evil star to the Chaos Gods. At this point the rest of the Chapter arrives back in system and finds their monastery, filled with their dead and mutilated battle brothers; all stripped of honor and gear. Que the rage music and the roaring rampage of revenge.

A separate sidebar will be focused on the mysterious forces who spurred the rebellion, and examine who gained from it. I haven't down the details beyond evil forces.

Thanks for the comments though. I will definitely try to explain how it happened more clearly.

I think these are spelling mistakes. Should read hurdles and of respectively.

Indeed. They will be corrected in the next draft B)

#9
Chaplain Rourke The Fanged

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In the absence of the Blades, something changed amongst the populace. Something stirred the dark urges of their hearts and fanned the flames of rebellion.


I thought there was a full company of brothers training up 75 years worth of recruits. How exactly are they absent? I am liking it so far but I think it could use a reason for the rebellion. Right now it reads that everything was going fine and then the entire system went " Hey you know what might be fun....Chaos".

You say that they don't feel the need for bionics like other Iron Hands but there is no reason behind it. Every other Iron Hand is compelled to replace his flesh with iron and some how your chapter just doesn't feel the urge?
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#10
Shinzaren

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In the absence of the Blades, something changed amongst the populace. Something stirred the dark urges of their hearts and fanned the flames of rebellion.


I thought there was a full company of brothers training up 75 years worth of recruits. How exactly are they absent? I am liking it so far but I think it could use a reason for the rebellion. Right now it reads that everything was going fine and then the entire system went " Hey you know what might be fun....Chaos".

Yeah. I am planning a sidebar on how the rebellion took place. Basically the rebels were always there, hiding in plain sight, and over the entirety of the The Blades 375yr history in the region they spread like cancer. These rebels were incited/funded/backed by the mystery group (can't spoil the surprise yet), and eventually took over almost anything, coercing and seducing the local populaces. Finally, when the majority of the Blade left again, they rose up.

You say that they don't feel the need for bionics like other Iron Hands but there is no reason behind it. Every other Iron Hand is compelled to replace his flesh with iron and some how your chapter just doesn't feel the urge?

It starts with the first Chapter Master. He didn't share the same ideals as the Iron Hands in regard to weakness, which is why he was 'banished' to a new chapter. Since he molded the Chapter in his ideals, weakness of flesh and therefore extra bionics never came about.

#11
Shinzaren

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Okay, updated 9/29/2011. Added stuff, and cut stuff, and generally updated stuff. Feedback on said stuff is as welcome as always.

#12
Zynk Kaladin

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Wow good job, man. I see you've put a lot of work into getting this IA done nicely. I'm not one for finding holes in other people's work, but I can give credit where credit is due.

Perhaps when I have more time tonight I can look for something to poke at for for your IA's improvement :D

#13
Ace Debonair

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OK, You know the drill, Shin.
Let the nit-pickery begin! :wacko:

Setting out far from Medusa and his former brothers, they eventually came across a system in the far North-East region of Segmentum Obscurus. The system was called Burrei, and its planets were peaceful, verdant worlds; seemingly untouched by the ravages of a galaxy at war. A pair of semi-Civilized worlds, Rejal and Therph, worshiped their version of the Emperor and converted quickly and smoothly to the Imperial Creed, easily embracing the technology and changes of the Imperium. The small death world of Veran was left untouched, to be used as recruiting ground from its savage tribal warriors. Even the garden world of Lafen was quick to embrace the Imperial Way, clearing large tracts of land to serve agriculturally, providing food and export to the civilized planets. In all things the people of the system were the ideal populace for a Space Marine home. They were loyal and tough, as even the peaceful garden world was home to savage predators and a vibrant ecosystem.


Four recruit-worthy worlds in one system?
What are the odds of that? :cry:

By the time Lorace and his chapter returned, the system was in anarchy, the populaces having turned to the worship of Chaos and on each other. Corrupt rulers held sway over cities and their people, offering up everything to their Chaos masters. Though few records exist from these dark days, the Blades maintain that some outside force was at work, goading the populace on. Whether this was true, or whether the citizens betrayed the Emperor of their own accord is of little relevance, as the arrival of the main Blades force back in system rendered such questions as 'Why?' quite moot.


That might be better worded as something like "...the main force of the Chapter returned, too consumed by rage and grief to trouble themselves with such details."

After all, 'why?' is a valid question, from an outsider's perspective.

*sidebar*


'Dark Giants', eh?
Possibly traitor legions, you say?
That does seem like the obvious answer.

Of course.

Traitor legions.

Yes. <_<

Satisfied that his system was now in line, the aging Lorace decreed that the new duty of the Blades would be to crush the seeds of rebellion wherever they sprouted and to put down any who would even whisper of secession.

That makes it sound like they had no problem with heretics beforehand. Perhaps 'new focus' rather than 'new duty'?

They rebuilt their monastery on one of Veran's moon and once more set out among the stars. This time however, they did not bring the Emperor's light to the darkness. Instead, they brought His sword to the betrayers, earning a fearsome reputation for curbing heresy that outclassed even their Iron fore-bearers. Seeking like-minded allies among the most hard lined elements of the Inquisition, the Blades dedicated themselves to destroying any and all who had betrayed the Imperium and its Emperor, no matter they hid. The Blades' crusades had begun anew, and the faithless would tremble.


Not technically a mistake, but either 'Iron Hands forebearers', or just 'forebearers' looks less like a typo.

Also, missing word in the latter highlight.

On the Deathworld of Veran, this change has seen the rise of two distinct tribal cultures. The men war with the women, and vice versa, battling for dominance of the planet. The female tribes capture men for breeding, and the men do the same. Should a male tribe give birth to a female, or a female tribe give birth to a male, they will be inspected for flaws and then raised in a grueling environment to be a breeder.


Not sure how that equals children.
Hey, I did say I was going be nit-picky. :eek


So, overall, that's quite the solid IA.

One big flaw, though:

*Catches Heraldry Dept. Hat from thin air*
What colour heraldry do these chaps have?

Any of these close to the mark?
The brown one for instance? ;)

EDIT:
Nope, they weren't. Back to the drawing board!

Edited by Ace Debonair, 30 September 2011 - 02:46 PM.

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#14
Shinzaren

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Four recruit-worthy worlds in one system?
What are the odds of that? :P

Emperor's Divine Providence of course. I want them to feel like they were truly blessed at first, nothing could go wrong, and everything they touched turned to gold. Then reality sets in a bit later and they find their castle made of gold was really just a sand castle ;)

That might be better worded as something like "...the main force of the Chapter returned, too consumed by rage and grief to trouble themselves with such details."

After all, 'why?' is a valid question, from an outsider's perspective.

Consider this stolen wholesale.

'Dark Giants', eh?
Possibly traitor legions, you say?
That does seem like the obvious answer.

Of course.

Traitor legions.

Yes. :P

Well, they are the bad guy of choice when something needs to go wrong. I am open to other suggestions as to how a generally perfect system pulls a 180 and gos off the rails.

That makes it sound like they had no problem with heretics beforehand. Perhaps 'new focus' rather than 'new duty'?

Good point, will change this.

Not technically a mistake, but either 'Iron Hands forebearers', or just 'forebearers' looks less like a typo.

Also, missing word in the latter highlight.

Gotcha. Will update.

Not sure how that equals children.
Hey, I did say I was going be nit-picky. :P

I suppose I should mention that the male tribes are capturing female warriors... Otherwise who knows how that would work...


So, overall, that's quite the solid IA.

One big flaw, though:

*Catches Heraldry Dept. Hat from thin air*
What colour heraldry do these chaps have?

I'm thinking a dark steel color with chrome like trim? Basically like their whole set of armor was painted to be like a sword. Does that make sense?

Thank you thank you for the C&C. I will update all your points in the next draft. Looking forward to seeing what the heraldry department can print up. Always a pleasure to watch you guys work :)

#15
Ace Debonair

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'Dark Giants', eh?
Possibly traitor legions, you say?
That does seem like the obvious answer.

Of course.

Traitor legions.

Yes. :huh:

Well, they are the bad guy of choice when something needs to go wrong. I am open to other suggestions as to how a generally perfect system pulls a 180 and gos off the rails.


Oh. I thought you were giving a shout out to the Rift Lords and their fiendish behind-the-scenes subterfuges. B)
I mean, not that they had a hand in the fall of this system. So there's no real need for any suspicion to be cast onto them. At all.

I'm thinking a dark steel color with chrome like trim? Basically like their whole set of armor was painted to be like a sword. Does that make sense?

Thank you thank you for the C&C. I will update all your points in the next draft. Looking forward to seeing what the heraldry department can print up. Always a pleasure to watch you guys work B)

*Puts on Heraldry goggles to go with the hat and returns to the Data-Slate*


EDIT:

Hey, we don't need them pics any more.

Please leave the Liber in the state you would like to find it, etc. :)

Edited by Ace Debonair, 11 October 2011 - 03:02 PM.

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#16
Shinzaren

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OOOOO!!!! That Red and Steel looks AMAZING! Ace you are a friggin certified genius! That is definitely my color scheme. You are a beast!

Posted Image

The Blades scheme.

Edited by Shinzaren, 10 October 2011 - 11:13 PM.


#17
CKO

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Claps^10 & Bravos^10

I have a habit of leaving BC then coming back, and this is by far the best IA I have read since coming back. The only problem I had was that in the homeworld section seemed lengthy and repetitive, besides that great job.

#18
Lysimachus

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Very nice job Shinzaren! Overall, I like this, it's well thought out and nicely written.

As far as crit goes, only two points: Generally I wonder if it's a little on the long side and perhaps a little bit repetitive in places? (As CKO said, this may be the Homeworld bit more than anything, a lot of the first paragraph is slightly unnecessary as it has already been described in the previous section?)


Secondly I have to wonder, given that they are an Iron Hands successor, where did their dislike of vehicles come from? It kind of comes out of nowhere and feels slightly like it's one of those 'I-like-the-idea-of-playing-an-army-like-this-and-therefore-I-shall-make-the-fluff-fit-with-it' things, which is usually a bad idea. Also, why do they happily have and use a powerful Fleet, when it performs exactly the same role that their vehicles do? What is the difference? (other than that it's in space, obviously B) )

If you do stick with it though, how does the Chapter view their Techmarines? Presumably those who care for such unimportant vehicles aren't going to be particularly respected among their brethren? If that is the case, how did they get to that point from being the most respected and valued of the specialists among their parent Chapter?

cheers

Lysimachus

Edited by Strike Captain Lysimachus, 11 October 2011 - 08:14 AM.


#19
Shinzaren

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Thanks guys. The dislike of vehicles came about because they refuse to rely on anything that might fail them. If they are fighting up close, the only way to fail is if they fail. If their tanks gets shot up and stops working, then something failed them, and after the Burrei Purges, they find that unacceptable. Since they want to punish/purge EVERYONE, getting up in melee is how they like it, and so they see vehicles as unnecessary/cowardly. I tried to explain that they didn't just dump them in the armory and leave them, but rather traded the vehicles they didn't use, like bikes or land speeders, for something they would use, like terminators armor or other equipment. I will expand on this a bit more in the next draft and hopefully it will make more sense.

Remember that Lorace was chosen to be the leader of the training cadre because he shared different/unpopular views with the Iron Hands and they wanted him gone peacefully. While most of his views were about not hating the weak, its a fair assumption that he wasn't a huge fan of techmarines because they are completely inhuman, loving techbits more than the Emperor's subjects. The Blades would probably share that shunning of techmarines, which is pretty standard for most chapters. I will make a note about how the Techmarines are viewed as a necessary problem. No one wants to be one when they grow up, but tech-savvy candidates are still chosen, since they are needed to maintain the arms/armor of the Chapter. They maintain cordial relations with the AM by trading away any unused tech/vehicles they capture or find, since the Blades wouldn't use it anyway.

Lastly, you guys are absolutely right about the Homeworld section. I will try and rework it to shorten it up and make it less repetitive. Thanks for the comments, and more CC is always appreciated!

#20
Ace Debonair

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OOOOO!!!! That Red and Steel looks AMAZING! Ace you are a friggin certified genius! That is definitely my color scheme. You are a beast!


That's actually how I introduce myself to people:
"Hi. I'm Ace Debonair, Friggin' Certified Genius."


Happy to help, in any event. :)
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#21
legoss

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Maybe this is a little nitpicky, or just being pedantic, but it the majority of the system's population was being manipulated, what about the chapter's recruits? Wouldn't the slow build up of the rebellion have polluted the Blades recruiting pool?

#22
Shinzaren

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Maybe this is a little nitpicky, or just being pedantic, but it the majority of the system's population was being manipulated, what about the chapter's recruits? Wouldn't the slow build up of the rebellion have polluted the Blades recruiting pool?

Well, recruits are like 10 yrs old, so they can't be tooo evil at this point. Not mention that the Librarians and Chaplains would be screening for this. Lastly, the hypno-conditioning and mind-programming would eliminate any traces that remained. That's my theory anyway, and I am sticking to it.

#23
legoss

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Very good then. Another question, what founding? How old are the blades as a chapter? Or did I just miss that?

#24
Shinzaren

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The Blades are an Adeptus Astartes chapter of Ferrus Mannus' geneseed, trained by the Iron Hands in the methods of their great Primarch, and crafted to bring glory to the Imperium. Founded in the closing years of M33 to combat the mounting threats to the Imperium, the Blades training cadre was led by Captain Losare, an Iron Hands commander who did not share his comrades utter intolerance of weakness.

I couldn't remember either haha, so I can just quote myself :wallbash: This would make them 11th or 12th.

Edited by Shinzaren, 03 November 2011 - 09:09 PM.


#25
Shinzaren

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Lots of updated content. Tried to satisfy everyone's questions and I have revamped the order of the sections, as well as drastically altering the homeworld section. Hopefully it is less repetitive and flows better. Thanks to everyone who has commented and critiqued so far, and I look forward to seeing what you guys have to say about the new stuff. As always, thanks in advance for your help!