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[Zynk Kaladin]

Note: I will be severely updating everything soon, hopefully for the better! Please watch for updates because I'm going to need that good ol' liber feedback.

Last Update: 10/14/11 (Home World, Beliefs)

Night Angels

Origins

The legend of the Night Angels resounds deep in the hearts and minds of the Imperial citizens in Segmentum Obscurous. From the most powerful of military commander to the common Emperor fearing citizen and to even the weakest of hive dwellers, the noble Night Angels are guardians to all who would would face the Emperor's foes. But all was not glorious and right in this tale of a chapter's struggle for righteousness. Indeed the achievements of man are measured in blood.

At the onset of the Age of Rebirth M32 after enduring the first of Abaddon's Black Crusades, the High Lords of Terra deemed it imperative to bolster the North Western front against the Legions of Chaos. Imperial leadership feared another of Adabbon's cursed attempts at blazing a path of annihilation towards Segmentum Solar. Forever prepared for the logistics of fathering a new chapter, the Ultramarines chose Captain Justinus Evander and a squad of veterans to prepare the new 4th founding chapter for its many trials ahead. Originally the Night Angels were called the Royal Knights, integrating the regal culture of their chosen homeworld, Daethos. Over the few centuries the newborn chapter neared full strength and was almost ready to be fully involved in the conflicts of the galaxy. Although disciplined and professional, they yearned for that promise of glory and honor as a fully functional chapter of the Emperor's finest. Pain and suffering was all they received.

The schemes of traitors turned to venom and steel as Adabbon unleashed another Black Crusade onto the galaxy. An Iron Warrior and a Night Lord warband with thousands upon thousands of chaos followers brazenly besieged the regal lands of Daethos. An Imperial Guard fleet sent to bolster the Daethan sector was quickly destroyed and the forces of destruction made rapid landfall. While the Iron Warriors bombed the Royal Knight's fortress monastery in a lengthy siege, the Night Lords spread terror and murder throughout the capital city. Millions of people were flayed alive in just a few scant days of the siege, the once beautiful cities turned to ash. Many were tortured, crucified on eight pointed stars, or disemboweled and screaming for a scant hope of salvation. Despite the pure methodical will of the Iron warriors, it was the ignoble deeds of the Night Lords that fueled the fires of vengeance the most. Infiltrating the loyalist's defenses, the disgraceful cowards murdered Chapter Master Evander and many of the Royal Knights captains by exploiting the dishonorable aspects of their base tactics.

The young captain Atreidus, a close friend of the chapter master, vowed vengeance upon the Night Lords for the death of his battle brothers. Despite his teachings on the Codex Astartes, he personally searched for the scum with a retinue of his closest warriors he found only slain Night Lords on his path. Surly they were no kills of the Royal Knights, for each corpse had unique wounds upon them. It was when he continued his search he stumbled upon a skirmish that shocked the Astartes. He witnessed three Night lords battling a group of their brothers. A certain Night Lord- no, a midnight clad angel lofted upon sapphire feathers of pure energy, gleaming sword in hand, was locked in a duel with his opposite, a Night Lord with black razor claws ripping through the air on plumes of fire and smoke. The angel bested the Night Lord, but before Atreidus could peruse, the three Legionaries fled into the cloak of darkness. With the aid of reinforcements from the Space Wolves and an army of Imperial Guard, Atreidus and the Royal Knights were able to liberate their homeworld from destruction. Despite their victory, the bleeding chapter only felt shame and defeat.

Witnessing with horror the raw destruction wrought upon his home-world, Atreidus took it upon himself to see the Night Lords purged from existence. As one of the few remaining captains of the Royal Knights, he became the second, and last, chapter master of the Royal Knights. Inspired by the mysterious angelic figure, his first motion immediately renamed the chapter to the Night Angels. His next priority was to rebuild the chapter over the centuries by reaching out to nearby sectors, veterans of their own planet, and even other chapters for new recruits or assistance. The Night Angels armored themselves in darkest midnight and the most holiest of angel motifs. By claiming dominion in twilight, they would enter the realm of the Night Lords and staunchly oppose them, in both spirit and body. No longer would the evils lurking in darkness strike terror and fear into the hearts and minds, but the promise of dawn's comforting light spirited by the Night Angels.

Dawn of the Night

Such is what Atreidus dreamed of, however, not without even more trails. The chapter master's goal was to counter the Night Lords terror campaigns by inspiring even the lowest of Imperial citizen with the hope of a brighter future. But he also had a very personal hate for Chaos to the point of over-zealousness. Three centuries after the Siege of Daethos while fighting with the Inquisition to root out chaos forces on the planet Isador, Atreidus's hate for chaos grew to rage and perhaps borderline fear. To prevent the spread of Chaos, he ordered his Night Angels to annihilate everyone in the capital hive city and surrounding cities. Although the few forces of chaos were destroyed in a few months, billions of innocent lives were slaughtered at the hands of the Angels. After months of being stuck in a zealous haze, Atreidus saw the streets run with blood in such quantity that it mirrored the siege of Daethos almost perfectly. The same grief that met him after Daethos struck him again a hundred-fold. He never forgave himself.

Word of the massacre leaked out into Segmentum Obscurous, and the Imperial citizens were horrified by the Night Angel's actions. It would take a millenia and great deeds of heroism and sacrifice for the Imperium to forget the evils of the Angel's past. As such the Night Angels have dedicated themselves to restoring their honor and being true angels for mankind. Atreidus's last and final vow, and the oath of every chapter master that followed, is to set the chapter onto a path of righteousness that would last well into the 41st millenia.

Home World

Daethos is surprisingly beautiful for a Space Marine home world. Lush temperate and tropical forests with an array of rivers, streams and ponds cover the four great continents surrounded by deep blue oceans. Of the four major continents, one stands out with its massive mountain peaks dominating the surrounding forests and valleys below. Vines and moss cover ruins with intricate markings and runes of an ancient civilization are scattered about the world, placed in perfect locations of natural beauty. During the night, a luminous fungus glows sapphire deep in the forests adding to the spectral effect of the blue twilight.

Despite its outward regal appearance, Daethos was once a world of constant war and strife. Feudal kingdoms were consistently at war with each other and such ensuing battles were vast and savage. Lines upon lines of solders would clash in bloody close quarters combat as arrows rained down from the skies. It was in these deadly conflicts that heroes arose and honed their particular skills. As such, Daethos was a perfect world for the Royal Knights to pluck the greatest of warriors from.

However, when chaos besieged Daethos, the kingdoms were destroyed and the planet unified under autocratic ruler, the Duke. Over time under a strong central ruler, the Daethan people built built giant cities of grand royal design with the aid of many of the most advanced technologies of the Adeptus Mechanicus. However, corruption in the ruling class often depraved the common citizen of their more basic rights and as such, people began to hate their leadership. It would take centuries of oppression and corrupt traditions before a brilliant young fleet captain, Reinhard Lohengrin, defeated the ruling class in a civil war. He became Duke after executing most of the nobles unwilling to give up their power.

The new Duke of Daethos would revolutionize the Daethan military which would benefit the Night Angels with more astute recruits and prove to be a great asset against the 13th Black Crusade. Because of their in depth association with galactic politics, obtaining scholarly information, they were able to build the finest military academies to train future officers of the Royal Daethan Guard. Many would die due to the rigorous nature of the academies set from the traditions of the warrior-kingdoms. However, the strongest and smartest of the surviving young recruits gets taken by the Night Angels for the trials where they are taken to more harsh worlds for more extensive training.

Over the centuries after the siege the Night Angels rebuilt their fortress monastery, Arcadia, inside, around, and on top of the tallest mountain peak, piercing the clouds themselves. The Daethan capital, a smoldering ruin after the Siege of Daethos, was rebuilt at the base of the great Arcadian mountain slowly growing around it.

Combat Doctrine

“It takes half a glance to notice they have already lost.” – Chapter Master Zynk Kaladin

While Codex adherent throughout most of the chapter’s lifetime, over the years the Night Angels have become especially proficient at air to ground operations to make up for their lack of air support at the Siege of Daethos. They are notable for employing a "Descent of Angels" type of warfare where marines and armor deploy from thunderhawks while landspeeders provide support for advancing ground forces. The Night Angels believe by successfully controlling the skies, all enemy ground forces are bound to fall prey to the overwhelmingly mobile Astartes ground forces. Using the Codex Astartes as a guide, captains will meticulously plan their moves to yield overall strategic victories. This has created an iconic flow of Night Angel battles, where small tactical maneuvers and greater maneuverability press the enemy into overwhelming kill zones.

The Night Angels have also become adept in fleet engagements due to their masterful ability to rule the heavens themselves. Because chapter recruits come from the finest military academies in the Daethan sector, the Night Angels are extremely astute on military strategy, tactics, and logistics. With the aid of these well-learned and brilliant officers amongst Night Angel leadership combined with the sheer ferocity of Astartes boarding actions, their successes in fleet engagements have gained fame amongst Imperial Naval fleet command. As such, the Night Angels under Chapter Master Zynk Kaladin and the Royal Daethan Navy under Duke Reinhard were a valuable asset against Adabbon's fleet during the 13th Black Crusade.

Organization

1st (Eagle) Company - Silver - Master of the Veterans
2nd (Hawk) Company - Gold - Master of the Speartip - Captain Lucian
3rd (Griffon) Company - Red - Master of the Arsenal
4th (Condor) Company - Green - Master of the Marches
5th (Owl) Company - Black - Master of the Fleet
6th (Phoenix) Company - Orange - Master of the Rites
7th (Falcon) Company - Purple - Master of the Cavalry
8th (Harrier) Company - Grey - Master of the Watch
9th (Raptor) Company - Blue - Master of the Sky
10th (Raven) Company - White - Master of the Recruits

Beliefs

“I need a better quote...” –Brother Seth Valandrius

The houses of nobility stem from a line of royalty started long before Daethos was found by the Imperium. As such, interpersonal honor, chivalry, and manners are a staple part of life on the planet. The Night Angels are revered and awed by the Daethan people because of their royal, knight-like authority over the land. As such, some Angels have become arrogant believing that their haughty status deserves respect and admiration from not only the people of the Imperium, but also other chapters.

Despite their pride, the Night Angels display such legendary charisma on the battlefield that Imperial Guard and Imperial Navy commanders, especially the young Duke Reinhard, often fight alongside their guardian angels, to an extent, under Imperial command. The chapter empathizes with the noble struggles of the Emperor's soldiers and uses Astartes skills to alleviate the burden on the front line forces. By striking the strongest of enemy lines precisely with a plethora of fast attack aircraft and then efficiently redeploying to other locations, the Night Angels gain control of the battlefield for Imperial forces to finally overwhelm their foe.

Because of their image as angels, the Night Angels have adopted strong respect for the Blood Angel's primarch. Legend stated that the Angelus Noctis, the mysterious Angel captain Atreidus later made legend, was sent by Sanguinius himself to watch over and protect the Emperor's loyal servants. Sanctioned by the Duke of Daethos, statues of the Red Angel stand in prominent places in the vast capital city to remind the people of his most noble sacrifice at the hands of the arch traitor Horus.

Geneseed

(obviously needs work)

Ultramarines

Battle Cry

In an ironic mock to the Night Lords the Night Angels often shout "Ave Imperator!"

Edited by Zynk Kaladin, 03 June 2012 - 06:16 PM.

[Rafen_2]

The only major think I would advise with a quick glance is to pop out the headings a bit. Plus the geneseed area is used to help explain how they recieve it as well as how it affects the chapter. So for Ultramarines I think arrogance is a trait but better to ask someone else.

[Zynk Kaladin]

Thanks for the quick idea. I'll have to think on the geneseed part because quite honestly it's lacking. Much appreciated!

[Shinzaren]

'The Royal Knights took another hard blow in their weakened stated in a prolonged Ulthwé siege of Daethos. Their chapter master,_______, was slain by the Avatar of Khaine and all progress at rebuilding the chapter was crushed by 420.M34.

A prolonged siege is inimical to the Eldar way of war. They are good at striking hard and fast, getting in and out quick and clean. Perhaps a different enemy would work here, as I find the Eldar siege idea to not work so well.

The Royal Knight's fortress monastery was finally breached; all hope was lost for the chapter and planet; they would die honorably and meet the Emperor... However a spark of hope denied their last stand. A mysterious Astartes voice on their vox caster started giving them orders. With their command structure obliterated, the weary chapter had no choice by to follow orders; orders that were not supplied from the Codex Astartes...

Ahh, the non-Codex battle orders that suddenly drag the chapter to victory, even though the Codex covers literally every scenario imaginable. Plus, why would your marines listen to a guy who hacked their Vox signal? Desperate or not, that never seems like a good idea.

The mysterious Astartes rallied the last 256 Astartes and took back control of their fortress monastery. With the impressive display of tactical and strategic brilliance from the Astartes who called himself "Angelus Noctis", the Royal Knights were able to assemble the remaining citizens able or brave enough to fight under the Emperor's name against the Eldar, pushing the xenos back.

So this new guy's tactical acumen was enough to outsmart Eldrad Uthren? Cause if this siege is that important to Ulthwe, who never fight unless they must, he would be leading it.

The eldar lifted the siege, seeming to recognize whoever was leading the royal Daethan army against them. Legand stemming from a citizen at the end of the war saw an Astartes clad in midnight blue in a suspect parlay with a mighty eldar farseer. The legand was ridiculed as an attempt to slander the Astartes who saved Daethos and was quickly discounted.

...what does this serve? If you are telling us that maybe he did know the Eldar, why hasn't he been destroyed? Similarly, if the Eldar are assaulting a Space Marine fortress monastery, some of the most hardened targets in the Imperium, they aren't here to mess around. They aren't here to parlay. They aren't here to do anything but eradicate you. Anything less would be a pointless waste of precious Eldar life. The idea that they 'recognized' your new leader and stopped an assault that had probably already cost hundreds if not thousands of precious Eldar lives is a little silly.

The Royal Knights gave control to the "Angelus Noctis" who promised to rebuild raise the chapter far above its former glory and rebuild the planet into prosperity.

...Seriously? They handed their entire chapter over to a guy who they met like 20 minutes ago? That is just...

The "Angelus Noctis"" renamed the Royal Knights "Night Angels" and over the years was the chapter returned to standard fighting strength in late M35. The "Angelus Noctis" never took off his helmet and remained a complete mystery to his chapter and planet, but suspicion never arose about his age, which seemed to extend beyond that of a normal Astartes throughout the millenia...

Oh yeah, suspicion would definitely arise. This is the GrimDark™, this is the world of paranoia and fear, where everyone is suspect. The Inquisition would be very keen to ask about his mysterious appearance and longevity.

He would not reveal himself, nor his equally mysterious and huge brother who joined the Night Angels in M37, until middle M41 when their final midnight adorned lost brother joined them. The "Angelus Noctis", chapter master of the Night Angels, was named Zynk Kaladin. His huge brother, Thrall, the twilight killer, Zeke. Suprisingly, the noble looking Zynk appeared young for his age and his eyes glowed a hard sapphire. He wore the air of royalty known from Daethan nobility perfectly.

If these guys are secretly Night Lords or some other such madness, my suspension of disbelief has been killed. The reason that the Traitor Legions are still alive 10,000 years later is due to the time shifting nature of the Warp, and the patronage of their Dark Gods. Their physiology is not fundamentally different from a loyalist, and loyalists get old. Your Zynk fellow would be old and dead, and his buddies along with him.

The ruins scarcely found in the first place, were ignored for the most part, until the Eldar laid siege to the planet in its weakest moment seeming to want the total eradication of all "intruders" as they called the Daethan people.

Which brings me back to the original issue of why the Eldar haven't returned to crush you, or why they left in the first place. If they see you as intruders on something sacred or dangerous, they won't stop until you are dead and gone and your bones salt the earth beneath their feet.

When Zynk took total control over the planet's affairs, its capital quickly blossomed into a technological and economic powerhouse. Zynk developed innovative weapons in secret that would have been considered heretical to the Adeptus Mecanicus's doctrine of technological stagnation and Machine God worship.

So he's a strategic genius, a masterful leader, a savant in the aspects of planet management and economics, and he builds super tech. This screams M.I.S.S. (Me? I'm. So. Super.) I am beginning to suspect that, based on his name, and your name, that Zynk is your 'avatar.' You are building one guy up to truly ludicrous degrees and making him far to awesome. I am getting the vibe that he is your guy, who you would want to be in 40k. Using your 'avatar' in this manner is bad for the IA because it detracts from the coolness of the chapter and unbalances the reader's viewpoint, as no one likes a guy who is better than everyone else.

To ease suspicions of their clandestine technical innovations, the Night Angels actively sought after artifacts and technology, surrendering it to the Adeptus Mechanicus in exchange for their trust and manufacturing support. Zynk built up their trust enough to acquire three warhound titans and plenty of strike cruisers and support ships for navel operations. His adept political maneuvering and control are a huge factor in the Night Angels success throughout the millenia.

No. Just... no. Space Marines do NOT control Titans. The Titans are controlled by the Legio Titanicus. They are an army and a force unto themselves and they do NOT answer to Space Marines. Not now. Not ever. Not to mention the idea that you have a vast fleet of infinite strike cruisers and vessels screams more and more M.I.S.S.

The Daethan people were once ruled by a benevolent ruler with the title "Archduke", and its royal families. When the Imperium came offering Daethos a chance to join the Emperor's holy crusade, the Archduke at the time willingly commited his people to His noble efforts. The Daethan people are highly educated, with most of their efforts spent on technology and military advancements.

Relevance? This is just more M.I.S.S. Everyone in the galaxy has it real rough, except for these guys, who are the most enlightened and useful of all the planets. This is reading like Macragge 2.0, which is not a good thing in my mind.

Daethos, however, did not originally belong to Mankind. The Eldar once protected it from outsiders for a long time until it was abandoned long ago. Daethan scholars account for the xenos actions for the Seige of Daethos by speculating the aliens wanted their world back.

If they wanted it back, they would have it. They wouldn't assault a Space Marine homeworld unless it was really darn important, and if it was that important, they wouldn't leave.

The Night Angels are organized like any standard Codex Astartes chapter with a few more assualt and fast attack elements than normal. Because of Zynk's savvy political ties with the Mechanicum and Daethos's own powerful forges, the Night Angels enjoy adequet supplies and are overflowing with equipment and munitions.

M.I.S.S.

Under Night Angel command is the Daethan Guard, the Imperial Guard force from the Daethan system of planets. Most notably are the Daethan 101st "Screaming Eagles", who often descend upon the battlefield alongside their Night Angels.

As with the Titan, No. Space Marines don't control Guard, who are an army unto themselves, answering to their own command. Space Marines lost the right to command Guard units in the aftermath of the Horus Heresy.

The Night Angels believe war is won before the first shot. A strong emphasis is placed on strategic and tactical thinking. As such they are rigorously taught strategic theory and emphasis on the Codex Astartes as a guide. The Night Angels also believe knowledge is indeed powerful, so they employ a strong Librarian force for not only battling the Emperor's enemies, but also researching into artifacts that could prove useful to Mankind and destroying those that are harmful.

Who makes the judgement call about what is harmful and what is useful...?

Completely opposite to the Night Lords terror campaigns, the Night Angels believe in bringing hope to Mankind.

Random Night Lords comparison...

As such, the Night Angels have had close calls with Inquisitors when ordered to purge entire populations at the slightest hint of corruption. This has recently caused the Inquisition to look deeper into the Night Angel's leader, who has raised eyebrows over the years in terms of his origin. If they were to find out his secret... that he and his two other brothers were once Night Lords... than it could spell doom for the Night Angels, despite their glories and loyalties.

Gah... And it is lost...


Ok, so that is that. I probably came off as a bit harsh, but since you've got 900+ posts, you get the unfiltered version of critique. The idea is... unique, to say the least. Night Lord who converted and helped a chapter that was in need. An interesting start and theme, but the execution is a little screwy. For one thing the whole IA seems to be just one big testament to how totally awesome Zynk is, and as a result we know close to nothing about who the Night Angels are, beyond the fact that Zynk is real important to them. I also question the idea that the Night Lords armor wasn't recognized immediately at the first battle? The marines know what the Traitor Legionnaires were wearing when they turned, and they would recognize Night Lords armor. Plus there is his ability to survive for so long. As mentioned above, the Traitor marines are still around only because of the time altering properties of the Warp. As Zynk is basically just a regular marine, doing a regular marine thing, he wouldn't be immortal.

The suspension of disbelief required the IA to read and enjoyed in-universe isn't there. The basic problem is Zynk. He is doing to much, to often. I think the IA would be better if he was never mentioned by name, and all the Chapters achievements and accomplishments weren't all attributed solely to him. Not only that, but the overall feel of the chapter is that they are way better than all the chapters that have ever been. No one wants to read an IA about Space Marines who are way better than everyone, because it isn't interesting.

Sorry if that seemed too harsh, but those are my thoughts for you.

[Zynk Kaladin]

Sorry if that seemed too harsh, but those are my thoughts for you.

No need to apologies, I expected "the full treatment". I always seem to make my army about my "avatar" because I'm trying to make them a reflection of me, but I always get too greedy with it. The "aging gracefully" idea is something I've been trying to tackle for a while as well.

Not only that, but the overall feel of the chapter is that they are way better than all the chapters that have ever been.

I see this dropped often in other IAs as well. Honestly, I'm having a hard time seeing a good balance between having a chapter I am proud of and having a totally normal (almost bland) chapter. In one sense I see GW authors writing off the wall fluff about named chapters (to make them awesome and enjoyable) so I don't see how mine would be considered "better" than everyone else (except the whole Zynk thing, which I shall change). Other than a few mistakes about controlling titans and guard, and the assumed "infinite strike cruisers" I never tried to imply they are better.

[Zynk Kaladin]

Alright, I think I found a much, much, MUCH better direction for my IA. After reading the Octaguide 2.0 and finding inspiration in its wisdom, I think I have a better draft for the Night Angels Origins. Thanks Octavulg for the guide! And thank you, Shinzaren, for bashing my old ideas so I could collect my thoughts and work out something better. I will edit my original post when I get everything out of bullet form.

General Theme: The Night Angels are the antithesis of the Night Lords, bringing hope to people instead of exploiting their fears.

EDIT: Added my changes to the original post

While I agree not mentioning Zynk so much is a great idea, he is a big influence for my chapter. I like this idea of the "Angelus Noctis" much more, which is an image of an angel clad in dark blue armor with sapphire wings and a tattered and worn black and red cape. Legend says the Angelus Noctis is sent by Sanguinius to watch over people at night when they are most vulnerable, where even the darkest places try to escape the Emperor's light. I like this guardian angel motif more. It also will add to the mystery surrounding my "avatar" instead of having him directly in there muckin' up the fluff, so to speak.

Edited by Zynk Kaladin, 06 July 2011 - 11:59 PM.

[Bad Monkey]

Legend says the Angelus Noctis is sent by Sanguinius to watch over people at night when they are most vulnerable, where even the darkest places try to escape the Emperor's light

Sounds familiar...

Though i do like the Gaurdian angel idea though, why just this one character, and role it out over the whole chapter seeking to defend those that cannot defend themselves?

[Zynk Kaladin]

Legend says the Angelus Noctis is sent by Sanguinius to watch over people at night when they are most vulnerable, where even the darkest places try to escape the Emperor's light

Sounds familiar...

Though i do like the Gaurdian angel idea though, why just this one character, and role it out over the whole chapter seeking to defend those that cannot defend themselves?

The Angelus Noctis is just a legend. The Night Angels are flesh, blood, and ceremite. Though, I should explain myself further

I wanted my character to have a huge role with my army, but couldn't for the life of me figure out how to make him immortal, or "timeless", and not chew up the whole IA selfishly with this character. I came up with the "Angelus Noctis" and my reasoning being multi-fold. First, it shows the sharp mind of this mysterious ex Night Lord(as opposed to bypassing the Codex Astartes and magically winning). He knew terror so well from his experiences with Curze during the Heresy that he also recognized what is needed to encourage hope in people. Tales of this guardian angel would spread like wildfire amongst the populations, making the image of the "Angelus Noctis" sacred, raising their spirits and encouraging them in times of great distress.

Secondly, it fits well with the "angelic" and noble theme my army exudes. Atreidus was no fool. After the Aquilla baring Night Lord explained to him the very image of the Angelus Noctis, Atreidus figured he could emulate this image by changing the Royal Knights to Night Angels. In the very image of the Angelus Noctis, he changed their armor to midnight blue and set their goals to a more nobler cause. At the same time it is a direct counter to the Night Lord's terror campaigns and an excuse to openly pursue their most hated enemy.

Stories of the Night Angels openly regarding the lives of Imperial Guardsman and citizens also spread, supporting and expanding the legend of "Angelus Noctis". The Night Angels are not naive, however, and realize the galaxy is indeed a cruel place. They understand the must commit evil to destroy a greater evil. But that doesn't mean they would forget the sacrifice of the innocent.

A picture I worked on a while ago showed an Angel executing a Chaos Marine. Pretty standard right? However, in the Angel's hand were Imperial Guard dog tags. It shows the Angels give a damn about the Emperor's warriors and they're not just mere "meat shields". What works well is that the Night Angels open nobility and humanitarianism is built upon a lies and secrets. Atreidus lied (or rather didn't tell the truth) about what really transpired with the Night Lord warmaster. This is almost forgotten chink in teh nobility of the Night Angels. A chink only the aquilla bearing Night Lord knows.

Third, it would allow my character to return to the Night Angels in the 41st millenia in the very image of the Angelus Noctis, becoming Chapter Master(which is really what I wanted). How he survived so long is part of the mysticism behind him. Is he truly an Emperor's Angel, or just a plotter of greater terror? A great deceiver, or noble angel? Where did he go for so long? What did he do? Why did he return in the 41st millenia? All we know for now is in the 41st millenia he is legend made flesh and lives up to the expectations of the "Angelus Noctis" doing noble deeds and protecting the people, massing crusades against the 13th Black Crusade.

Of course, my IA is not all about him. I just wanted to clarify that and get it off my chest before I could move on to perfecting my Night Angels IA. Thanks for the kind words!

EDIT: Now that I have reflected upon it, it kinda sounds like the Sanguinor(sp?). I think the two are fundamentally different, though, despite being "angels"

EDIT2(even more off topic): Now that I am on a roll with my Chapter Master I'd like to mention my scenario with the Inquisition and how he got by "just suddenly appearing". The =][= was indeed suspicious of the sudden appearance of this winged marine (who appeared to be able to turn sapphire energy wings on and off using psychic powers). They made way to Daethos and DEMANDED the Angelus Noctis (Zynk Kaladin) be taken into custody. The Night Angels were outraged by the "request" to the point of action but Zynk, ever cunning, knew the power the Angelus Noctis has over the Emperor's citizens and ordered the Night Angels to stand down. Calming his captains, Zynk ordered them to spread word of his absence, how it transpired and who he was being taken by.

Zynk was taken by the Inquisition and tortured to find out his true purpose. However, word got out amongst the population of many, many worlds that the Angelus Noctis was taken by the Inquisition. Fuled by the ill rumors, confused, enraged, panicking populations prayed deeply to the Emperor and Sanguinous for the return of their guardian angel. Prayer turned to overcrowding in the churches, zelous self whippings, and eventually mass rioting. Although the Inquisition rigorously probed Zynk's mind, they could find no taint of motive. They did, however, find scars of the warp from what Zynk told them was prolonged exposure in the Eye of Terror. Not w

Edited by Zynk Kaladin, 01 July 2011 - 04:52 PM.

[Brother Rathul]

Origins

The Night Angels were originally called the Royal Knights, a 4th founding chapter of the Ultramarines geneseed during the early decades of the Age of Rebirth, M32. They were stationed in Segmentum Obscurous to bolster for future campaigns against the Traitor Legions who fled to the Eye of Terror after the Horus Heresy. Instead of the iconic dark blue of the Night Angels, the Royal Knights donned silver and gold armor with royal blue cloth, the traditional colors of the knights of their home planet, Daethos. For two and a half millenia they performed the duties of a normal chapter to the Imperium of Man and to the Emperor.

Initial successes would turn sour when the Royal Knights take heavy casualties during the 4th Black Crusade early M34. They lost over half of their battle brothers in an attempt to hold back the forced of Chaos on El'Phanor. The Royal Knights took another hard blow in their weakened stated in a prolonged Ulthwé siege of Daethos. Their chapter master,_______, was slain by the Avatar of Khaine and all progress at rebuilding the chapter was crushed by 420.M34. The Royal Knight's fortress monastery was finally breached; all hope was lost for the chapter and planet; they would die honorably and meet the Emperor... However a spark of hope denied their last stand. A mysterious Astartes voice on their vox caster started giving them orders. With their command structure obliterated, the weary chapter had no choice by to follow orders; orders that were not supplied from the Codex Astartes...

The mysterious Astartes rallied the last 256 Astartes and took back control of their fortress monastery. With the impressive display of tactical and strategic brilliance from the Astartes who called himself "Angelus Noctis", the Royal Knights were able to assemble the remaining citizens able or brave enough to fight under the Emperor's name against the Eldar, pushing the xenos back. The eldar lifted the siege, seeming to recognize whoever was leading the royal Daethan army against them. Legand stemming from a citizen at the end of the war saw an Astartes clad in midnight blue in a suspect parlay with a mighty eldar farseer. The legand was ridiculed as an attempt to slander the

Astartes who saved Daethos and was quickly discounted. The Royal Knights gave control to the "Angelus Noctis" who promised to rebuild raise the chapter far above its former glory and rebuild the planet into prosperity. The "Angelus Noctis"" renamed the Royal Knights "Night Angels" and over the years was the chapter returned to standard fighting strength in late M35. The "Angelus Noctis" never took off his helmet and remained a complete mystery to his chapter and planet, but suspicion never arose about his age, which seemed to extend beyond that of a normal Astartes throughout the millenia...

He would not reveal himself, nor his equally mysterious and huge brother who joined the Night Angels in M37, until middle M41 when their final midnight adorned lost brother joined them. The "Angelus Noctis", chapter master of the Night Angels, was named Zynk Kaladin. His huge brother, Thrall, the twilight killer, Zeke. Suprisingly, the noble looking Zynk appeared young for his age and his eyes glowed a hard sapphire. He wore the air of royalty known from Daethan nobility perfectly.

Homeworld

Daethos is surprisingly beautiful for a Space Marine homeworld. Lush temperate and tropical forests with an array of rivers, streams and ponds cover the four continents surrounded by deep blue oceans. Of the four major continents, one stands out with its massive mountain peaks dominating the surrounding forests and plains below. Vines and moss cover ruins with intricate markings and runes of an ancient civilization are scattered about the world, placed in perfect locations of natural beauty. The ruins scarcely found in the first place, were ignored for the most part, until the Eldar laid siege to the planet in its weakest moment seeming to want the total eradication of all "intruders" as they called the Daethan people.

When Zynk took total control over the planet's affairs, its capital quickly blossomed into a technological and economic powerhouse. Zynk developed innovative weapons in secret that would have been considered heretical to the Adeptus Mecanicus's doctrine of technological stagnation and Machine God worship. To ease suspicions of their clandestine technical innovations, the Night Angels actively sought after artifacts and technology, surrendering it to the Adeptus Mechanicus in exchange for their trust and manufacturing support. Zynk built up their trust enough to acquire three warhound titans and plenty of strike cruisers and support ships for navel operations. His adept political maneuvering and control are a huge factor in the Night Angels success throughout the millenia.

The Daethan people were once ruled by a benevolent ruler with the title "Archduke", and its royal families. When the Imperium came offering Daethos a chance to join the Emperor's holy crusade, the Archduke at the time willingly commited his people to His noble efforts. The Daethan people are highly educated, with most of their efforts spent on technology and military advancements.

Daethos, however, did not originally belong to Mankind. The Eldar once protected it from outsiders for a long time until it was abandoned long ago. Daethan scholars account for the xenos actions for the Seige of Daethos by speculating the aliens wanted their world back.

Combat Doctrine

The Night Angels primarily are a air to ground force. They are notable for employing a "Descent of Angels" type of warfare where they attack either via drop pod or thunderhawks. The Night Angels employ in air elements like thunderhawks and landspeeders to provide support for advancing ground forces.

Organization

The Night Angels are organized like any standard Codex Astartes chapter with a few more assualt and fast attack elements than normal. Because of Zynk's savvy political ties with the Mechanicum and Daethos's own powerful forges, the Night Angels enjoy adequet supplies and are overflowing with equipment and munitions.

Under Night Angel command is the Daethan Guard, the Imperial Guard force from the Daethan system of planets. Most notably are the Daethan 101st "Screaming Eagles", who often descend upon the battlefield alongside their Night Angels.

Beliefs

The Night Angels believe war is won before the first shot. A strong emphasis is placed on strategic and tactical thinking. As such they are rigorously taught strategic theory and emphasis on the Codex Astartes as a guide. The Night Angels also believe knowledge is indeed powerful, so they employ a strong Librarian force for not only battling the Emperor's enemies, but also researching into artifacts that could prove useful to Mankind and destroying those that are harmful.

Completely opposite to the Night Lords terror campaigns, the Night Angels believe in bringing hope to Mankind. As such the angel theme has grown more and more popular along with their selfless regard for human life. Zynk advocates nobility and humility and follows Sanguinius's example in fairness and humanitarianism. As such, the Night Angels have had close calls with Inquisitors when ordered to purge entire populations at the slightest hint of corruption. This has recently caused the Inquisition to look deeper into the Night Angel's leader, who has raised eyebrows over the years in terms of his origin. If they were to find out his secret... that he and his two other brothers were once Night Lords... than it could spell doom for the Night Angels, despite their glories and loyalties.

Geneseed

Ultramarines

Battle Cry

In an ironic mock to the Night Lords, Zynk's ex-brothers, the Night Angels often shout "Ave Imperator!"


I hope you enjoyed it. braces for impact Honestly, I think I got lazy and started rushing myself to get this done. But, a first draft is always a good start!

Most recent edit: made the headings bigger

they sound a little like the guys I'm working on Link
Hope this helps

[Zynk Kaladin]

they sound a little like the guys I'm working on Link
Hope this helps

Oh, cool! I think I'm going to expand more on the angely aspect of my army than the "sneaky sneaky". My Angels have probably fought along side your Devils at one point or another

[Zynk Kaladin]

Alright, I edited the origins and home world and started the combat doctrine and beliefs sections. What do you think?

[Grand Master Raziel]

Took my chapter name and my color scheme!

You'd better make them a Dark Angels successor, or you and me, we're going to have problems!

Oh well, I guess it's a big Imperium!

[Zynk Kaladin]

Took my chapter name and my color scheme!

You'd better make them a Dark Angels successor, or you and me, we're going to have problems!

Oh well, I guess it's a big Imperium!

Hah, I guess the Imperium is big enough for the both of us! The High Lords must be confused as hell

[Sobansa]

It's a bit like having twins run around playing practical jokes. You know there are two of them but you don't know what one just ran stark naked across the football field.

[Zynk Kaladin]

I thought this was a pretty cool explanation of how my Angels became close allies with the Wolves. I'm probably not going to include this in my IA, but I'm definitely going to slap this in Codex: Night Angels when I get to it. Credit and praise to dizzy-xc for coming up with this (source):

...In the vast reaches of the deepest darkest corners of the galaxy where the emperor's illumination barely shines, there lurks evil and menacing entities who thirst and hunger for the souls of the living. Upon one such world, a force of Space marines confront something more sinister and malevolent than the light of their bolters can extinguish and quickly find themselves hastily recovering their steps back to their dropships. Under orders of general retreat due to planet wide exterminatus, a squad of Night Angels defy orders returning to the planet where a contingent of Space Wolves has had their escape severed and are unable to be extracted.

The Night Angels land amid burning promethium tanks, acrid smoke and raging gunfire to find only a squad of Space Wolves left alive, the rest torn asunder by unspeakable terror. Without regard for themselves or hesitation, the Night Angels decend upon the melee chainsword roaring, bolters flashing and quickly turn one fleeting moment in their favor selling their lives dearly to successfully extricate the few surviving Space Wolves and wounded into their dropship. As the roar of their engines carries them beyond this cursed planet's grasp, the hull vibrates and shakes as the bombs fall, twisting the surface into unrecognizable coiling plumes of smoke filled ash and turning the atmosphere into a fireball of righteous flame and purgation.

The Space Wolves in gratitude of the Night Angels sacrifice of their brethren for those of another chapter pledge an Oath of Friendship and a squad of Space Wolves whenever and wherever the Night Angles find themselves in need and forevermore the enemies of the Emperor are now weaker and wince when the banners of the Space Woves and Night Angels fly together over the same sky.

[Tyther]

Interesting idea, that of hope in an Imperium gripped by decay and death. There is one thing I take issue with, though.

However, wishing vengeance against the Night Lords he hated so much, Atreidus has no choice but to believe the marine.

Why did Atreidus have no choice but to believe him? He's being told by the Astartes who just fought him that said Astartes still serves the Emperor. That this Astartes just fought a Night Lord is besides the point- the Imperium really couldn't care about what its enemies do to one another- they shoot first and wonder why later, and if they can't kill it, they die with their honor unsullied. Simply accepting him at his word seems very uncharacteristic for a Space Marine.

That's my main issue with it. But I must admit- the name is very catchy. Works nicely with the color scheme, too.

[Zynk Kaladin]

Why did Atreidus have no choice but to believe him? He's being told by the Astartes who just fought him that said Astartes still serves the Emperor. That this Astartes just fought a Night Lord is besides the point- the Imperium really couldn't care about what its enemies do to one another- they shoot first and wonder why later, and if they can't kill it, they die with their honor unsullied. Simply accepting him at his word seems very uncharacteristic for a Space Marine.

My thought is that Atreidus's hate of the Night Lords burned so deep that he would rather take his chance with this Astartes rather than die honorably. However, I have a better idea which I will shall explain in more detail once I get my origins out of bullet form. In the final moments of the dual, the aquilla bearing Night Lord incapacitated Atreidus. The Royal Knights captain therefore had no choice but to at least listen to the supposed ex Night Lord's words (well, he could have put his hands on his ears shouting "LALALALA", but...). At first, of course, Atreidus opposed the Astarte's words. However, over the course of their talk it donned on him that the Astartes offer to give Atreidus the credit for killing the Night Lord lord might give him a chance to become the new chapter master of the Royal Knights. Hating himself for soiling his honor but even more consumed with vengeance, at least this he agreed to the offer. The aquilla bearing Night Lord severed the chaos warlord's head from its corpse, tossing it to Atreidus. Hearing approaching Astartes, he quickly disappeared...

Over time Atreidus began to toss around the aquilla bearing Night Lord's words. Now a chapter master, Atreidus was still passionate about destroying the Night Lords by any means necessary. Therefore, the Angelus Noctis rumor was a step in the right direction. Despite his "heresy" for trusting the "enemy", Atreidus is more humanitarian than most marines and saw the benefit of bringing hope to the Emperor's loyal servants. In this one case, his trust was not misplaced... as far as we know

[Tyther]

Why did Atreidus have no choice but to believe him? He's being told by the Astartes who just fought him that said Astartes still serves the Emperor. That this Astartes just fought a Night Lord is besides the point- the Imperium really couldn't care about what its enemies do to one another- they shoot first and wonder why later, and if they can't kill it, they die with their honor unsullied. Simply accepting him at his word seems very uncharacteristic for a Space Marine.

My thought is that Atreidus's hate of the Night Lords burned so deep that he would rather take his chance with this Astartes rather than die honorably. However, I have a better idea which I will shall explain in more detail once I get my origins out of bullet form. In the final moments of the dual, the aquilla bearing Night Lord incapacitated Atreidus. The Royal Knights captain therefore had no choice but to at least listen to the supposed ex Night Lord's words (well, he could have put his hands on his ears shouting "LALALALA", but...). At first, of course, Atreidus opposed the Astarte's words. However, over the course of their talk it donned on him that the Astartes offer to give Atreidus the credit for killing the Night Lord lord might give him a chance to become the new chapter master of the Royal Knights. Hating himself for soiling his honor but even more consumed with vengeance, at least this he agreed to the offer. The aquilla bearing Night Lord severed the chaos warlord's head from its corpse, tossing it to Atreidus. Hearing approaching Astartes, he quickly disappeared...

Over time Atreidus began to toss around the aquilla bearing Night Lord's words. Now a chapter master, Atreidus was still passionate about destroying the Night Lords by any means necessary. Therefore, the Angelus Noctis rumor was a step in the right direction. Despite his "heresy" for trusting the "enemy", Atreidus is more humanitarian than most marines and saw the benefit of bringing hope to the Emperor's loyal servants. In this one case, his trust was not misplaced... as far as we know

Whether or not he died really wasn't his decision- the mysterious Astartes could have just made his point and left Atreidus with the severed head of a Night Lord to take credit for, all without Atreidus having to believe the words of a renegade. In a variation on the established story, he could have accepted the course of events and became the Chapter Master, but instead of hating himself for taking the deal, he could just hate himself for gaining so much fame on a lie (which you already have in the backstory), as well as hating the fellow for stealing his kill (and then beating him in a fight). There are other ways that the result would have ended up the same that don't threaten suspension of disbelief quite as much. While we're on that, though: traitor Night Lord?

[Zynk Kaladin]

Alright, it's been a while since any updates. I have added to the Homeworld, check it out. I think I need to explain what effect the homeworld has on my chapter more. Will do.

I have also tried to solidify the Night Angel's beliefs and Combat Doctrines. The organization, like most of the IA, does need work.

I'm not too sure where to put how I get my recruits. I'll have to work on this.

I also want to mention my chapter controls three nearby planets. I do want an orange wasteland planet along with my lush planet so I might change my homeworld section again to include this instead of the "changing climate" idea. Definitely needs working out, but at this point doing something is better than nothing.

While we're on that, though: traitor Night Lord?

Loyalist Night Lord

I'm probably going to write a short story detailing his visit to the planet and explaining why he was there. Something along the lines of slaying the Daemon of Daethos and helping Royal Knights, then fading away (until becoming chapter master which will be explained in my codex). Basically if you're curious, my friend and I made 3 exiled loyalist Night Lords and just kept coming up with stories of their exploits throughout the millennia. Kind of like a small squad of loner commandos, lost brothers just doing what they can. Hell, we're leaving their extraordinary long lives up to speculation at this point (warped by chaos? heretical eldar gene technology? the possibilities are endless). Really I want to keep them out of my IA, though. They have their own separate, and perhaps insane, story which will interlink with the Night Angels in the 41st millennium and already has with the creation of the Night Angels.

[Hells Guardian]

Later on there is a duel between the Night Lord lord and an equally clad in midnight Astartes wearing the aquilla rather than the Night Lord symbol. The end of the dual is witnessed by the last remaining captain of the Royal Knights, Xander Atreidus. The aquilla Astartes beats the Night Lord and Atreidus, despite a deep instinct to trust the mysterious man, thinks he is a Night Lord trying to usurp his predecessor and insult the Imperium by wearing aquilla. They fight and the Aquilla bearing Night Lord beats Atreidus. Instead of performing a coup de'grace, the Astartes shows his uncorrupted face and explains he is still loyal to the Emperor. At first Atreidus is very skeptical. However, wishing vengeance against the Night Lords he hated so much, Atreidus has no choice but to believe the marine. The aquilla bearing Night Lord, who calls himself a Night Angel, makes a deal with Atreidus that by sparing his life he must accept responsibility for killing the Night Lord lord. Also, he also spread the legend of the "Angelus Noctis"* (explained in a later post) throughout as many imperial worlds as possible. Atreidus at first grudgingly accepts. The Night Angel, places the severed helmed head of his opponent in Atreidus hands and leaves.
The Royal Knights marines, upon seeing captain Atreidus incapacitated and the dead Night Lord warlord, assumed it was he who had bested the Night Lord in combat. He was lauded as a hero, which Atreidus allowed but inwardly lothed himself for advancing himself on such scheming.

I think it would work alot better if perhaps Atreidus experiences a vision of this 'Angelus Noctis' during his own duel with the Night Lord lord. Perhaps he suffers a heavy wound and is spoken to beyond the veil from this 'angel' giving him the strength to deliver the final blow, he then uses this image to rebuild his chapter? just a thought

[Zynk Kaladin]

Alright I finally got at least a story fleshed out for my Origins. It's kind of clunky because I suck at English so I will have to work harder to make it sound more "pretty". I toned down on the "Angelus Noctis" part of the story because I didn't think it fit well as a major theme of the IA. I do think the midnight clad angel is an important figure for my chapter, though.

What I'm looking for in the origins is to explain why the Night Angels act so much more respectful to common citizens and soldiers than normal marines. I fully understand Space Marines are NOT supposed to act this way because they have bigger and more important things to worry about like killing the enemies of man and such. However, the Night Angels take their duty as angels very seriously and I hope I conveyed this well in my origins.

I also need to convey the "royalty" aspect of my chapter more. Among the Night Angel's motifs are angels and royalty and I do not think I've hit the royal part home.

EDIT: I forgot the bird of prey motif as seen in my organization. Fur is to Space Wolf, as feather is to Night Angel

EDIT2: Will be making moderate changes to the Origins. Specifically explaining more about the Night Lords involvement. A friend mentioned they don't travel in large warbands, which threw a tiny wrench in my plans.

Edited by Zynk Kaladin, 28 September 2011 - 04:42 AM.

[NightrawenII]

Hmm, some minor points;

Your friend is right, the Night Lords don't travel in huge warbands + they are cowards and marauders rather than warriors/soldiers, their combat doctrine of choice is stealth, subterfuge and cheating. Thinking that they will fight fair and square is expecting too much from them.

With this in mind, the Siege of Daethos looks more like "work" of Iron Warriors or, to some degree, Word Bearers.

"Atreidus" is too similar to Atreides, an iconic name of Frank Herebert's Dune.

*It is not documented in Imperial records exactly how captain Atreidus survived, however legend states during the confusion some few witnesses claimed to see an angel, they named "The Angelus Noctis". Gliding under sapphire wings and clad in the midnight colors of the Night Lords, the angel descended from the golden war-torn sky. The rumors also suggested infighting between the Night Lords, even in the early stages of the siege.*
- This isn't enough. The Angelus Noctis could be just some Night Lord marine with gift of Chaos, wings. He has to play a more vital role, most likely help the Royal Knights. Otherwise his influence on the Chapter is quite doubtful.

Despite not achieving their ultimate goal of looting the Royal Knight's artifacts, they made due with the amount of raw materials stolen from Imperial guard armories.
- Planetary Defence Forces at best, this is Astartes homeworld. No need for Imperial Guard regiment(s) to be stationed here.

As a hero of the siege, he assumed the heavy burden of rebuilding a severely damaged Royal Knights becoming the last chapter master of the Royal Knights. His first motion immediately renamed the chapter to the Night Angels.
- You know, I'm against renaming the Chapter half-way through the article. Because:

#A Renaming a Chapter usually means that the Chapter is reborn with entirely new theme/motif/creed or whatever. Which poses a question: What is the point of creating a Chapter, when it's meaningless for the later progress? Practically, the first Chapter plays whipping boy just to show how better the second Chapter has become. Rather pointless, since the aim is to show why is the presented Chapter acting such and such way.

#B Renaming a Chapter is not just simple act, it's big deal in spiritual sense. The new name symbolizes that your Chapter is casting away all its past achievements, honours and traditions and starting anew. Instead of rebuilding a old Chapter you are creating new Chapter from the scratch. And I dare to say, this would be meet with strong resistence from the veterans and reclusiam, for them it will be major disservice to the heroes of past and the ideals for which they fought.

By claiming dominion in twilight, they became the pure antithesis of what the Night Lords stood for, in both spirit and body. No longer would the evils lurking in darkness strike terror and fear into the hearts and minds, but the promise of dawn's comforting light spirited by the Night Angels.
- While this is very good, the previous line [The Night Angels armored themselves in darkest midnight and the most holiest of angel motifs.] is rather illogical. Why would a personification of the Nigh Lords antithesis wear the same colours? Shouldn't they be clad in more bright colours to symbolize the Emperor's Light in the Realm of Darkness?


Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Zynk Kaladin]

All very valid points. I can fix the easy ones right away, but I might have to change other parts of teh origins yet again. However, changing the chapter name could pose a slight problem.

My buddy and I have this WIP story going on about three loyalist Night Lords, the first Night Angels, trying to survive in the galaxy after the Horus Heresy. The angle that I was approaching for my IA was having Atreidus (yes, yes Atreides. I love them in the Dune II game. Blue! ) meet these original Night Angels during the siege and impress upon him the value of psychological warfare. In the original Night Angels case, inspiring hope is a tool to use against their former brothers and forming a chapter and affecting people's minds with stories and legends of angels is an effective way to oppose Chaos.

Although I do think I am trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Another approach I could take is have the upstart Royal Knights chapter get hit hard when it's still relatively new and in training. Because of its infancy, changing the name and motifs is more understandable. Plus, nailing this down early in my IA gives me more time to develop the Night Angels instead of the Royal Knights. This is going to take a lot of pondering...

I appreciate your thoughts! Now, back to the drawing board...

[voi shet magir]

The Night Angels were originally called the Royal Knights, a 4th founding chapter of the Ultramarines geneseed during the early decades of the Age of Rebirth, M32. Stationed by the High Lords of Terra in Segmentum Obscurous to bolster for future campaigns against the Traitor Legions, the Royal Knights picked their new chapter world, Daethos, because of its strategic location relative to the Eye of Terror. Instead of the iconic dark blue of their future chapter, the Royal Knights donned silver and gold armor with black cloth, the traditional colors of the Old Order, knights in Daethos's history. For two and a half millenia the Royal Knights performed the duties of a normal chapter earning much glory and honor.

Initial successes would turn sour when the chapter took heavy casualties during the 4th Black Crusade, early M34, losing over half of their battle brothers in an attempt to hold back the forces of Chaos on El'Phanor. Among their greatest adversaries during the Black Crusade were the Night Lords, whos' experience during the Horus Heresy and underhanded tactics proved effective against the Royal Knights. The victorious, but wounded chapter limped back to Daethos after stemming the tide of the 4th Black Crusade to rebuild and recruit new aspirants.

Lately I haven't been able to read past the first few sentences of IAs. I like space marines, I like reading; I do not think this is my fault.


This is a bad start, it is labored. I get that the second paragraph is at least setting something up, but on the real, delete half of the words in this IA and you will still have all the interesting parts. Write a relevant paragraph and put it at the top.

whose

Recently the Night Angels have become to regard the Codex more loosely due to the successes of their most recent chapter master, Zynk Kaladin. Zynk, a master strategist and well versed in the Codex Astartes. His very loose interpretations of the Codex seem at odds with its teachings, but he always manages to explain himself and the Codex further by his success. Zynk does not balk at the use of subterfuge and specialization where needed. As such when commanded by their chapter master, the Night Angels have become more successful in manipulating their enemies and exploiting their weaknesses along with maintaining strategic superiority in the Segmentum and even closer to the Eye.

but what does this mean

Organization

1st (Eagle) Company - Silver - Master of the Veterans
2nd (Hawk) Company - Gold - Master of the Speartip - Captain Lucian
3rd (Griffon) Company - Red - Master of the Arsenal
4th (Condor) Company - Green - Master of the Marches
5th (Owl) Company - Black - Master of the Fleet - Captain Reinhard
6th (Phoenix) Company - Orange - Master of the Rites
7th (Falcon) Company - Purple - Master of the Cavalry
8th (Harrier) Company - Grey - Master of the Watch
9th (Raptor) Company - Blue - Master of the Sky
10th (Raven) Company - White - Master of the Recruits

Is the Master of the Cavalry important? Write this sentence: one company captain is Master of the Cavalry, and that is cool for a reason you are about to tell me. Maybe you can write a second sentence, about a different Master of whatever, but probably not any more.

As such, some Angels have become arrogant believing that their haughty status deserves respect and admiration from not only the people of the Imperium, but also other chapters. Sometimes their pride has caused blows with other chapters like the Space Wolves, who some Angels see the Wolves as lowborn simple-minded dogs while some Wolves see the Angels as starched-arse prissy cowards.

How did this happen? "On the desert (frozen, urban, cardinal whatever) world of Who-ville, the Night Angels finally cornered a bunch of Night Lords who had committed such and such infamy, and were luring them into such and such trap when the great company of wolf lord Grom Nob Gobbler showed up to fight some orks and blew the Night Angel plans." Then I can believe for a second that actual events happened in an actual place, instead of imaginary people having ambiguous relations with imaginary other people.

[Zynk Kaladin]

Thank you for your suggestions. Now that I look back on it, I really can cut down on the "crap" so to speak and put in some more interesting flavor of Night Angel. Related to your other points I think my problem is I am trying to tell you what my chapter is instead of showing it.

snip

but what does this mean

Well currently the Night Angels have contributed to the massive fleet battle of the 13th Black Crusade and are now fighting against the forces of Chaos on Cadia. I should explain Zynk's success in campaigns prior to the 13th Black Crusade provided a foundation for the chapter to oppose the forces of chaos on a stronger footing. For example, securing vital planets and ship lanes in the event of future Black Crusades, etc. As much as I would love the Daethan fleet to be under direct command of the Night Angels (obviously a no no) during the Black Crusade, I can explain the positive relationship the Night Angels have with other Imperial commanders helps influence their tactical decisions. Would this work?

Question for all: Would Lord Admiral Quarren seek or accept advice from a chapter master on fleet strategy/tactics? I'm assuming he gets input from a lot of officers, but would Astartes fall under this too?

Is the Master of the Cavalry important? Write this sentence: one company captain is Master of the Cavalry, and that is cool for a reason you are about to tell me. Maybe you can write a second sentence, about a different Master of whatever, but probably not any more.

Not really important. The listing of the companies and their special tid-bits was more for establishing my ideas first. I should have noted that. I actually don't know what to do with Organization for now.

snip

How did this happen? "On the desert (frozen, urban, cardinal whatever) world of Who-ville, the Night Angels finally cornered a bunch of Night Lords who had committed such and such infamy, and were luring them into such and such trap when the great company of wolf lord Grom Nob Gobbler showed up to fight some orks and blew the Night Angel plans." Then I can believe for a second that actual events happened in an actual place, instead of imaginary people having ambiguous relations with imaginary other people.

Being in the same Segmentum, the wolves and angels fight side by side regularly. Because the angels act more regal and the wolves act more laid back, they often come to blows about little things because they are so different in that regard. Like you suggested I shall explain how they became good pals, though, and that their quarreling is now just friendly banter (though they do smell).

EDIT: grammar mistake

Edited by Zynk Kaladin, 29 September 2011 - 01:46 AM.