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Index Astartes : Pride and Faith - The Order of St-Gregory


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#1
tiny sam

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Posted ImageCHAPTER NAME: ..............The Order of St-Gregory
FOUNDING: ..................IX [M.34]
CHAPTER WORLD: .............Nacitav VI
FORTRESS MONASTERY: ........St-Gregory's Basilica
GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): ...Imperial Fist
KNOWN DESCENDANTS: .........N/A













“Raise high your banners, Brothers! let those degenerates knew who came to end their heresy!”
C
reate by the Adeptus Terra at m34, originally named Chapter #569, they established at Naticav VI, a Feudal world at the fringes of the Osbscura Segmentum and Ultima Segmentum. Being sons of Dorn, a young captain of the Imperial Fist, Gregory of Valo said the proud, was choose to mentor the newly formed Brotherhood. Only 30 years after the chapter arrival in the Naticav System, a detachment of Chaos Space marines of Unknown origins, led by a Word Bearer's dark Apostle exited the warp near Naticav V. They quickly launched the assault on Naticav VI, the Fortress-monastery still being in construction, the planetary defences could be summarized to a pair of stations at the poles. These defences were quickly overrun by the invaders, which immediately begin planet fall. The main forces of chapter #569 were scattered around the world to forged pledge and oath of fealty with the local population, leaving only two un-experimented companies to defend the home of the chapter, with them were Captain Gregory of Valo. Lacking the field experience and the uses of the chain of command, the two companies were disposed, squad by squad, by the chaos invader. Regrouping with the survivor of his men, the Captain prepared for a last stance in front of the gargantuan adamantium door of the Apothicarion’s geneseed repository. It is said that Gregory vow to protect the young chapter at all cost, swearing that a failure would make him unworthy of Dorn’s legacy. For three days and three nights, the captain and his men fought the chaos forces. Living incarnation of Dorn’s fury, they were killing ten enemies for every man that were falling. At the dawn of the forth day, when reinforcements finally broke through, they came upon the shattered body of a Veteran, the Standard still gripped in his hand, refusing to surrender it. As his life ebbed from him, he told the Chaplain of the final moments of his beloved commander, ensuring his place in the legends of the Chapter. The assault on the fortress monastery was broken and the rest of the chaos forces quickly flew when the word of the loyalist victory spread.

It’s in honour of the great sacrifice and purest example of Astartes nobility that the successor of Gregory of Valo named Chapter #569, Order of Gregory. They adopt the personal livery of Gregory of Valo as their chapter emblem. After a year and a day of mourning, a full company was detached to return the body of the young captain to his first family, the Imperial Fist. It is said that the chapter master of the time was so impressed by the nobility of this act that he gave to the chapter a permanent invitation to the blade feast, given each hundred years.

Canonization of St-Gregory
T
he people of Naticav VI have always been faithfull, the Imperial Cult taking an important place in theire live. During the Age of Apostasy, the Order of Gregory were among the first of the Adeptus Astartes to openly support Sebastian Thor, this act of faith cement a long story of friendship between the Ecclesiarchy and the chapter. The faith of the chapter was, however, truly galvanised at the battle of Bethem VIII, The Adeptas Sororitas were fighting a local insurection of corrupted xeno-worshiper. It has been recorded that at the darkest hour of the battle, the Cannoness of the Adepta Sororitas was praying for the Emperors help, when a groupe of Ghostly figures led by an Adeptus Astartes bearing the Red Cross on a white shield appeared and completely detroyed the spearhead of the ennemy assault. Right after that event, a steel rain of drop pods fell onto the enemy, winning a mighty victory for the imperial forces. A cruiser from the Order was miraculously passing by at that time. In regard for such a miracle Gregroy of Valo was officially named St-Gregory at 745.m36. When the word of that edict came to the ears of the Chapter, the Chapter Master of the time, King Clovis V, Immediatly declare that the Order of Gregory shall now be known as The Order of St-Gregory.

Order of St-Gregory - Battle brother

Posted Image
Unless exceptionnal honor the four star around the chapter cross
are not displayed on the shoulder pads.
Order of St-Gregory - Knight-Sergeant

Posted Image
Although the white coat of the order is given with the crux terminatus
and the ballistic honour, not every battle brother choose to wear
it in battle.

Homeworld
T
he Order of St-Gregory is based on the sixth planet of the Naticav system. This feudal planet has a tempered climate, the cities are boarded by vast fields and surround by vast forests where the nobles hunts. Near the poles the temperatures are colder and the population draws their resources from the vast oceans. Planetary wide, the main economic activity is farming and fishing, the excess of the production being trade to the nearby world of Naticav III in exchange for metals and technological materials. However the fact that Naticav VI doesn't possess the smallest bit of fuel made the heavy machinery almost impossible to uses. For this reason almost everything is done manually or with the uses of various animals, probably brought by the first settlers.

The attack at the genesis of the chapter proved that the Naticav's system was an easy prey. Making use of their Imperial Fist's natural ability for garrison and siege craft, the Order quickly reinforced the defenses of the entire system. The two originally polar defense stations were upgraded and enlarged, a network of detectors and automated defense stations were put in various solar orbits and planetary defense stations were put on the other worlds of the system. This protection makes sure that any attack on the Naticav system is quickly spotted and automatically slowed down enough for the defenders to organizes and react. To fund all these equipments, The Chapter is perceiving a taxes to the local nobility and the surrounding planets through a large network of serf, the nobles don't argue to much as it ensure a system wide protection by the Emperor's finest

Even if the planet is united in faith through the Ecclesiarchy’s temples, schools and hospitals, the nobles are constantly making and breaking alliance with each other. They are going to war one against another for various reason, from honour quest to plain economic conquest. These war are generally done with primitive weapons such as swords and spears. Even if the nobles have access to various advance weapons or technologies via trading, the church teaches that these weapons are gifted by the Emperor to humanity to fight His enemies and not His subjects. This decree is in fact a simple way to be sure the hot blooded nobles don't obliterate the planet with apocalyptic weapons.

Recruits are generally drawn from the noble class; peasants making poor warriors, yet examples exist were the son of a peasant pass the recruitments test and were welcomed as a battle brother. These tests take the form of a great tournament, given each five years. During the ten days of the feast, the chaplains of the chapter observe the participants to find the trace of nobility and bravery needed to became an Emperor's Astartes.

The Ritual of self denial

If one of the Knight Brother is deemed suitable for the role of Chaplain by the master of Sanctity, he offers him to pass the ritual of self denial. This proposition is made during a ceremony in which the Knight Brother is given the right to add to his personal livery a quarter of Ermine. The ritual itself consists in a Spiritual funeral. The knight places his own Coat of arms, battlefields honors, his weapon and his other decorations in a crypt. Then the name of the knight is written on the wall of the heroes, at that point he is consider as dead by all and it is forever forbid to refer to his ancient life. He is baptized with a new name, he ritually repaints his armour to black and he is entrusts by the master of Sanctity a holy rosarius and a blessed Crozius Arcanum.


beliefs
S
ince the Age of Apostasy, the Order of St-Gregory has strong tie with the Ecclesiarchy, for an Adeptus Astartes point of view. Even if the Astartes world generally evades the Minestorum grip, they were already present before the chapter arrival and are still welcomed to Naticav IV. The church is responsible for the people’s faith, but according to ancients treaties they also maintain the educational and Health systems, making sure that every citizen of the planets is a faithfull subject of the Emperor's. Over time, the faith of the people has inevitably affected the faith of the chapter. Even if the Chapter is not an extension of the Ecclesiarchy, they follow the Imperial creed and religiously observe all the sacred-day declared by the ecclesiarch. The Chaplains of the Order teaches their battle-brothers that they bear within them the flesh of the Emperor, and that they must act consequently to that responsibility.

In addition to the Imperial Creed the member of the Order follow the Code of Honnor that dictate the ways of the knights on Naticav IV. Even if this code is generaly compatible with the Imperial Creed some aspect are irreconcilable, particularly surounding the personal glory. These difference tend to create distinction within the chapter, especially among the veterans, the most pious one joining the rank of the Sternknights while the most prideful joins the Vanknights.

Most of the recruits of the Order of St-Gregory come from the noble families of Naticav VI, they bring with them the heraldry of their family. According to the Code of Honor they are consider as defender of their Heraldry and should a Battle-Brothers fails his duty, great shame will be put on his family. Even if this line of conduct guaranties that the brothers will do their duty without hesitation, it is also responsible for countless valorous but useless death.


The swords
T
he sword has a particular place in the lives of the noble class of the people of Naticav VI, being considered as the noblest of all the weapons. Coming from a world where the heroes of legend have specially powerful or magic sword, it was just normal for the Order to see as precious relic the blades of the heroes of the Imperium. This belief is so strong that the chapter would literally reclaiming lost swords at all cost and acquiring the others by diplomacy, contest or even trading. Over the century countless weapons have been recovered by the order, the walls Reliquary being covered by them all, be it the powerful sword of St-Gregory or the broken sword of the forgotten hero of an ancient war.
Excerpt of the Scroll of Honor

Chaplain Pelagio Galvani



The legendary chaplain Pelagio Galvani accede the title of chaplain around 550.M37, his first notable act was the reclaiming of the shrine of St-Levistus. The shrine has been capture by a force of traitor regiments of Imperial Guard, corrupted to chaos by a small group of Alpha-legionnaires. The first engagement was a major victory for the loyalist forces, for they had suffered the loss of no battle-brothers. The assault troupes were regrouping to continue the advance when a squad of scout spotted a fleeing survivor of the massacre. Asking for permission to shoot on the private encrypted communication channel, the scouts were surprise to hear an answer via the broadcast channel, a communication the enemy could heard: “let him flew, let him spread the word that The Order of St-Gregory is here for them, let them know that the Emperor shields us so that none shall fall in this day nor the next!” And on the encrypted comm., he calmly spoke his famous war cry with his guttural voices “Let the fear plague their rank and marched whiteout hesitation brothers! For WE shall know no fear!” After this episode, the shrine were easily retaken, the corrupted guardsmen petrified by fear of the Ineluctable forces that stand before them were easy targets for the disciplined marines. After this battle it has became a usage among the Chapter that after a great victory, the life of one enemy, usually the most scarred one, shall be spared to let him propagate the new of the Imperial Victory. Chaplain Pelagio Galvani normal services came to an end at 980.m37 when his body was broken during a fight with the Demon Prince of the Word Bearer, Nidsala the seeker. He was entombed in the Adamantium body of a dreadnought shortly after. Even today he still insists to be place in the forefront of battle, crushing the Emperor’s enemies with a dreadnought's size Crozius Arcanum.

Organisation
O
riginally the Order of St-Gregory were strictly adhering to the Codex Astartes, however the cultural attachment to heraldry of the people of Naticav VI has introduce some minor deviation surrounding squad marking. Each Knight-Sergeant being encourages displaying his personal heraldry for squad designation. An Herald is named within each squad, he act as a Standard bearer and a second in command for the Knight-Sergeant. Each Company standard depicts the coat of arms of the current Count-Captain.

Over time, the influence of the Code of Honor revealed a major flaw; the Chaplains teach their brethren that the Sin of Pride is a powerful tool that can be used by the wrongful to deviate the rightful from its path. For this reason it's not uncommon for a battle company to have two or three chaplains instead of just one, as prescribed by the codex organization.

Combat doctrines
T
he Order tends to follow the strategic suggestions of the Codex Astartes, however they are not known for their sense of deception nor their subtlety. The Code of the Order that drives the Battles-Brothers ensures that every marine train to the best the skills the Emperor gave him, martial superiority being as esteemed as ballistic accuracy. On a battlefield the natural stubbornness that is genetically imprinted by the Imperial Fist Gene seed is galvanized by the presences of the many chaplains to a level only matched by the legendary Black Templar, assuring that an fight with the Order of St-Gregory may only be put to an end by the complete Annihilation of one side or the other.

War Cry
U
nlike many other chapters the Order of St-Gregory didn't have any specific war cry. Usually the Chaplains leads the assault, intoning an appropriate verse of the Imperial Creed, Battle brothers echoing its chant while they marches toward the enemy


Command squad of the Second Company

Posted Image
Current Count-Captain of the second company is Robert 1st of Artois.



EDIT : Seems that any modification screw up the formating
EDIT : Spelling thanks to Brother sergeant Bohemond

Edited by tiny sam, 05 October 2011 - 02:54 AM.

QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#2
Mazer Rackham

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If that's a first try it's a good one!

Your models are well painted (unlike my poor efforts) and your go at formatting is really good - it took me three attempts to get anything like it. I've had a quick skim over it, looks good to me, but a couple of quick things:

1) I studied the Age of Apostasy for my IA, and whilst I found no mention of who exactly accompanied Sebastian Thor I didn't see any references to Marines until just before the second siege of Terra. I'd avoid directly linking to Thor and maybe skirt around it a bit like: "The Order send an envoy to meet with Sebastian Thor and other Astartes Chapters and then whilst en route they did something awesome." Never heard of a Marine being a saint before, but I don't think it's easily ruled out.

I think this appraoch is most reasonable as the Marine chapters that fought at Terra are pretty much locked down, BT, IF and a couple of others.

2) Shard of the Sword of Dorn - IIRC the shards are all forged into the Sword Of The High Marshals that Helbrecht has, but I could be wrong.

Otherwise I like the feel of the ranks and heraldry and the way they do business. Keep at it!

MR.

#3
tiny sam

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If that's a first try it's a good one!

Your models are well painted (unlike my poor efforts) and your go at formatting is really good - it took me three attempts to get anything like it. I've had a quick skim over it, looks good to me, but a couple of quick things:


Thanks!

1) I studied the Age of Apostasy for my IA, and whilst I found no mention of who exactly accompanied Sebastian Thor I didn't see any references to Marines until just before the second siege of Terra. I'd avoid directly linking to Thor and maybe skirt around it a bit like: "The Order send an envoy to meet with Sebastian Thor and other Astartes Chapters and then whilst en route they did something awesome." Never heard of a Marine being a saint before, but I don't think it's easily ruled out.

I think this appraoch is most reasonable as the Marine chapters that fought at Terra are pretty much locked down, BT, IF and a couple of others.


given the fact that over 10 millenia the ecclisarchy gave sainthood to pretty anything :lol: (including people that turned out to be demon) that doesn't bother me to much. you are perhaps right however on Thor, now I need something awesome to justify sanctity.

2) Shard of the Sword of Dorn - IIRC the shards are all forged into the Sword Of The High Marshals that Helbrecht has, but I could be wrong.

actually a quick check in the codex black templar reveled me that:

the sword of the hight marshal is not the sword of Dorn (might be a sword that was own by Dorn but it's not the one he shatter on his knee after he retreived the Emperor's body.) Zhe Sword of Dorn is however owned by the black templar and their Chaplain swear there oath on it. (see Grimaldus' story)

I changed the sword thing to make it more generic (it's actually better I think)

Otherwise I like the feel of the ranks and heraldry and the way they do business. Keep at it!


Given the time it take me to paint those heraldry I'm far from changing this :P

Edited by tiny sam, 25 August 2011 - 03:13 AM.

QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#4
Mazer Rackham

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given the fact that over 10 millenia the ecclisarchy gave sainthood to pretty anything :P (including people that turned out to be demon) that doesn't bother me to much. you are perhaps right however on Thor, now I need something awesome to justify sanctity.

Given the time it take me to paint those heraldry I'm far from changing this ;)


Hehehe - you are right :P . I hope I've helped in some small way - others have helped me so I'm trying to pass it on. I'm very interested to see where this goes.

MR.

#5
BoldType

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I dont think it would be to hard for a Astartes to be given Sainthood, after all a great many imparial cathedreals have statues and stined glass depicting them (as real cathederals have with christian saints). go for it
Armies.
1500pts-Mortificators Chapter-C:SM.
1500pts-Tau'n Sept-Tau.
OATHS
All armies painted by Christmas



#6
Brother-Sergeant Bohemond

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I like it at first glance, will give a better critique tonight when I get home, my only comment at the moment is, more please!

#7
tiny sam

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thanks for the feedback!

I like it at first glance, will give a better critique tonight when I get home, my only comment at the moment is, more please!


hope for you that you came home by that time :P

Just pimped the Combat docrtines section and the Organisation section.

just modified the Sainthood thing a bit.

As always Comments and Critics are expected!
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#8
Brother-Sergeant Bohemond

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Hi, sorry I didnt give it a critique, got home too late to do much, and my brians really tired...will think more, my main critiscism is being Thors praetorians, yes, its cool, but its a little...I dunno, maybe not his personal praetorians, but a close chapter?

Also, i noticed a lot of grammatical/spelling errors that I will endeavor to correct for you!

#9
Brother-Sergeant Bohemond

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The cannonisation only came two centuries later, when a High priest Cannoness of the Adeptas Sororias Adepta Sororitas was praying for the Emperors Help on the comming battle against an army of corrupted xeno-worshiper. It has been recorded that at the darkest hour of the battle, a groupe of Ghostly figures led by a Space marines an Adeptus Astartes bearing the Red Cross on a white shield appeared and purged completely detroyed the spearhead of the ennemy assault. Right after that event, a steel rain of Drop pods fall fell onto the enemy saving the winning a mighty victory for the imperial forces, a cruiser from the Order was miraculously passing by at that time. In regard for such a miracle Gregroy of Valo was officially named St-Gregory at 745.m36


This is the first piece of editing, some spelling changes and context changes as well as my ideas on better ways to say what you want to.

I like the way you cannonise him =) Very spectacular, very St. Georgey.

#10
tiny sam

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yeah at first I mention almost acting like his praetorian but yeah it's a little to much I agree.(that's why I change it :lol: )

thanks a lot for the spelling/grammar correction, as i previously said english is not my birth language so it's a little unnatural for me to write in it
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#11
Sigismund Himself

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At the dawn of the forth day, when the backup arrived, Gregory’s and all his veterans were dead, lying on a pile of slain enemies.

I would leave some alive, otherwise it begs the question why some more enemies didn't waltz in and steal the geneseed ;) Perhaps have a banner bearer left to die as soon as he has recounted the deeds of good Sir Gregory? Not quite as glorious story but maybe a bit more realistic.

During the Age of Apostasy, the Order of Gregory were among the first of the Adeptus Astartes to openly support Sebastian Thor, given that act of faith it's commonly known that Gregory of Valo was beatifiate in the Emperor name on 549.m36. The cannonisation only came two centuries later, when a Cannoness of the Adepta Sororitas was praying for the Emperors Help on the comming battle against an army of corrupted xeno-worshiper. It has been recorded that at the darkest hour of the battle, a groupe of Ghostly figures led by an Adeptus Astartes bearing the Red Cross on a white shield appeared and completely detroyed the spearhead of the ennemy assault. Right after that event, a steel rain of Drop pods fell onto the enemy winning a mighty victory for the imperial forces, a cruiser from the Order was miraculously passing by at that time. In regard for such a miracle Gregroy of Valo was officially named St-Gregory at 745.m36

This reads a little oddly as it doesn't seem that significant and in the final IA, would probably be suited to a sidebar.

the Order of St-Gregory has strong tie with the ecclesiarchy, for an Adeptus Astartes point of view. They do consider the Emperors as a God, and the primarchs as half-god beings. They religiously observes all the sacred-day declared by the eccelsiarch and are all teached the imperial creed.

How did this come about? It's a fair departure from most Astartes' views and so you should probably explain it a bit more.

It's a good start for a first time IA :) The main thing you should focus upon at the moment is getting a sense of who they are. What drives them to kill, how do they view humanity and the Emperor? Once you've got a sense of this, you can then go about thinking how this will interact with their history and combat doctrine. In a great IA, every paragraph should reflect the character of the chapter and build upon it. Good luck!

#12
Mazer Rackham

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I am really liking this. It just keeps getting better...

MR.

#13
tiny sam

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At the dawn of the forth day, when the backup arrived, Gregory’s and all his veterans were dead, lying on a pile of slain enemies.

I would leave some alive, otherwise it begs the question why some more enemies didn't waltz in and steal the geneseed ;) Perhaps have a banner bearer left to die as soon as he has recounted the deeds of good Sir Gregory? Not quite as glorious story but maybe a bit more realistic.


I was seeing this like he died of his wound after he has slain the last ennemy, not quite sure how to say it though


During the Age of Apostasy, the Order of Gregory were among the first of the Adeptus Astartes to openly support Sebastian Thor, given that act of faith it's commonly known that Gregory of Valo was beatifiate in the Emperor name on 549.m36. The cannonisation only came two centuries later, when a Cannoness of the Adepta Sororitas was praying for the Emperors Help on the comming battle against an army of corrupted xeno-worshiper. It has been recorded that at the darkest hour of the battle, a groupe of Ghostly figures led by an Adeptus Astartes bearing the Red Cross on a white shield appeared and completely detroyed the spearhead of the ennemy assault. Right after that event, a steel rain of Drop pods fell onto the enemy winning a mighty victory for the imperial forces, a cruiser from the Order was miraculously passing by at that time. In regard for such a miracle Gregroy of Valo was officially named St-Gregory at 745.m36

This reads a little oddly as it doesn't seem that significant and in the final IA, would probably be suited to a sidebar.

the Order of St-Gregory has strong tie with the ecclesiarchy, for an Adeptus Astartes point of view. They do consider the Emperors as a God, and the primarchs as half-god beings. They religiously observes all the sacred-day declared by the eccelsiarch and are all teached the imperial creed.

How did this come about? It's a fair departure from most Astartes' views and so you should probably explain it a bit more.

I pimped up a little the Ecclesiarchy and sainthood thing. The Half-God thing should be rework as it open a path I don't want to go in.

It's a good start for a first time IA :) The main thing you should focus upon at the moment is getting a sense of who they are. What drives them to kill, how do they view humanity and the Emperor? Once you've got a sense of this, you can then go about thinking how this will interact with their history and combat doctrine. In a great IA, every paragraph should reflect the character of the chapter and build upon it. Good luck!

Thanks, as you suggest i will explicit my viewing about theire beliefs and motivation.
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#14
Mazer Rackham

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At the dawn of the forth day, when the backup arrived, Gregory’s and all his veterans were dead, lying on a pile of slain enemies.

I would leave some alive, otherwise it begs the question why some more enemies didn't waltz in and steal the geneseed :unsure: Perhaps have a banner bearer left to die as soon as he has recounted the deeds of good Sir Gregory? Not quite as glorious story but maybe a bit more realistic.


I was seeing this like he died of his wound after he has slain the last ennemy, not quite sure how to say it though


How about something like this: "on the fourth day, at dawn, when reinforcements finally broke through, they came upon the shattered body of a Veteran, the Standard still gripped in his hand, refusing to surrender it. As his life ebbed from him, he told the Chaplain of the final moments of his beloved commander, ensuring his place in the legends of the Chapter."

MR.

#15
tiny sam

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I like it :P so I used It

Add a section for the canonization.
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#16
Mazer Rackham

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I think it was Sigismund's idea...I just gave you a couple of verbs..!

:)

Glad I could help.

MR

#17
tiny sam

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Explicit the Beliefs towarding the impeiral cult,

organized a little more the sections

and Explicit a little more the Organisation.
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#18
tiny sam

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I just add a text box conserning one of the many rituals of the chapter.

give a little more info on homeworld and recruiting techniques.

any comments?
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#19
tiny sam

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after an in depth reading of the Octaguide I remove a codex divergence, one is enough!


So any comments? any other suggestion? should I explain more a section? or less?
QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#20
The Normish

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This is going to be a good one, I can tell...

Homeworld name is an anagram of Vatican, means I like it even more.

I love the origin story, it's quite well thought out. I haven't seen one yet that has the Chapter put under such stress and danger at their most vulnerable moment, the creation.

the Order of Gregory were among the first of the Adeptus Astartes to openly support Sebastian Thor

About Sebastian Thor, I'm not sure if it's "done" to say you were among the first to support him. Best to say you were among his supporters.

a steel rain of Drop pods

Steel Rehn... hehe.

King Clovis V

Ohoho, drawing from French History, my lad? Well, we shall see about that!

The Homeworld section could use some description of the climate and things like that, you know. Otherwise, well done for that.

Your Chapter's beliefs here are fairly similar to my own, so that's always nice. Your rationale for these beliefs is also similar.

Not sure you should be claiming something as notable as Guilliman's sword, or is it just a sword named after him?

Otherwise, I rather like the Chapter. The heraldic feel to their armor and the noble roots of their members makes it a very knightly kind of Chapter, which is pretty classic stuff. I like your use of the arms in the banner, it reminds me of a particular french nobel house, though I cannot remember which. You're not a royaliste, are you?

A few spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, as well. Capitalization and the such. Might want to double-check all that stuff.

#21
tiny sam

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Homeworld name is an anagram of Vatican, means I like it even more.

someone finaly got it :)


I love the origin story, it's quite well thought out. I haven't seen one yet that has the Chapter put under such stress and danger at their most vulnerable moment, the creation.

That's why they give the name of ther chapter over the name of it's savior.

Not sure you should be claiming something as notable as Guilliman's sword, or is it just a sword named after him?


well a Rudius is a wooden sword ;) and the story don't tell if it have been made by him, in fact it don't tell if it has even been touch by him, however I want a way to illustrate the fact tha the chapter is realy searching for any and all sword of legend. but you are probably right as I should explain a little more on that just to avoid confusion.

Steel Rehn... hehe.

I tink i'm missing a joke...

Otherwise, I rather like the Chapter. The heraldic feel to their armor and the noble roots of their members makes it a very knightly kind of Chapter, which is pretty classic stuff. I like your use of the arms in the banner, it reminds me of a particular french nobel house, though I cannot remember which.


well in fact I use the heraldry of the knight of the 7th crusade (as you are french you might be interested in this page : Les croisades en Terre Sainte)

on this very picture, the banner is showing the Heraldry of Count Robert 1st of Artois (the brother of king louis IX).

You're not a royaliste, are you?

disclaimer

This IA does not represent the political view of its writer, any similarities with real organisation is pure coincidence.



I'll do as you said and describe a little more the planet of Naticav VI.
and for the spelling and all I'll do wath I can. As i previously said english is not my birth languages so it's not really intuitive for me :P


Thanks for the feedback

Edited by tiny sam, 05 September 2011 - 03:18 AM.

QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#22
The Normish

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I tink i'm missing a joke...

It's a Dawn of War: Soulstorm thing.

well in fact I use the heraldry of the knight of the 7th crusade (as you are french you might be interested in this page : Les croisades en Terre Sainte)

on this very picture, the banner is showing the Heraldry of Count Robert 1st of Artois (the brother of king louis IX).

Ah, I knew I recognized it.

#23
tiny sam

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Just add some more description on the homeworld

just remove the Guilliman thing, it was to complex to explain in a sentense.

Edited by tiny sam, 05 September 2011 - 03:41 PM.

QUOTE (Firepower @ Sep 23 2010, 06:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Only a son of Dorn humilates and condescends as he purges.

-Sam-

Order Of St-Gregory : WIP - Hall Of Honor



#24
The Normish

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Homeworld section is much better, but I think you go into too much detail now, especially concerning the tournament. In the name of brevity, I would just mention a tournament as the method of selection and leave it at that. I do like how it's a feudal world though, you don't see many of those.

Otherwise, the usual grammar and spelling issues (not your first language, I know), and flow. Some of your sentences are a little crude or disjointed. Again, since you're Quebecois, I'll forgive it.

#25
Mattylee

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Great concept, both in flavor and execution of the models.

With your permission, I'd love to include a squad of them in my Apocalypse army (which follows a "Feast of Blades" theme with the Imperial Fist and successor chapters).
"We make day into night and light into dark..."