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Eagles Eternal


War Angel

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ive started to do a massive change to the chapter, and its not done yet. i started working on the orginization, but thats where i need the most work. i should probably just nuke the entire orginzation section and write it fresh, but instead im trying to take out the peices i can still use and salvage it... which seems to cause problems due to not being 100% certan on whats already writen and not knowing if the imagry is coming out the same for you guys as it is for me.

 

if anyone should read the changes now and can comment on it before tomorrow, it might help me with the fixing i plan on doing tomorrow. but because im going to change more tomorrow, i would understand not wanting to look at it until its more compleeted.

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Ive done quite a number of things to the IA, theirs still more to do of course, but i wanted to know what people thought of it as it stands now, and if im in the right directions. the second post in the thread contains the old article, incase anyone should want to compair.

 

thanks for reading

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New and improved is good!

 

I only noted a few things outta place, mostly sp/grammar type stuff.

 

In the Eagle Spire, we see the Splendor sustain damage such that it 'will never fly again', though in that context, I believe the tense is 'would never fly again'.

 

I feel like the bit about their marksmanship skill would be better off in Combat Doctrine, and we could use more in both sections. For example, what causes the feudal states of Fidelis to go to war? The Eagles descend during the middle of battles? Anyone ever take a potshot at the terrifying Death Angels?

 

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the Scout organization. I mean personally I don't see the difference/need for a Scout Company besides 'the codex says so', but I'm not following the Eagles and how the Scout company relates to/hampers deployment.

 

Is Mon'Tau a cannon forgeworld? Because I'm 99% sure the Mon'Tau was the Dark Age of the Tau.

 

Do quite enjoy the Spear and Hammer companies, though I hope the Spear will get some more fluff. The beliefs were also great, but skinny(you've also got 'there God' instead of 'their God' in that third sentence). How did they come to believe in the Emp as God. Ecclesiarchy involvement? Do they follow the Creed?

 

I take it Fidelis is still a hotly contested world? I really like that part of their beliefs, them following the Emperor by pursuing war instead of ever waiting to be called on. The Eagles are awesome, keep 'em coming!!!

 

edit: ah, shores+Mon'tau, I get it now.

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New and improved is good!

 

I only noted a few things outta place, mostly sp/grammar type stuff.

 

In the Eagle Spire, we see the Splendor sustain damage such that it 'will never fly again', though in that context, I believe the tense is 'would never fly again'.

 

I feel like the bit about their marksmanship skill would be better off in Combat Doctrine, and we could use more in both sections. For example, what causes the feudal states of Fidelis to go to war? The Eagles descend during the middle of battles? Anyone ever take a potshot at the terrifying Death Angels?

 

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the Scout organization. I mean personally I don't see the difference/need for a Scout Company besides 'the codex says so', but I'm not following the Eagles and how the Scout company relates to/hampers deployment.

 

Is Mon'Tau a cannon forgeworld? Because I'm 99% sure the Mon'Tau was the Dark Age of the Tau.

 

Do quite enjoy the Spear and Hammer companies, though I hope the Spear will get some more fluff. The beliefs were also great, but skinny(you've also got 'there God' instead of 'their God' in that third sentence). How did they come to believe in the Emp as God. Ecclesiarchy involvement? Do they follow the Creed?

 

I take it Fidelis is still a hotly contested world? I really like that part of their beliefs, them following the Emperor by pursuing war instead of ever waiting to be called on. The Eagles are awesome, keep 'em coming!!!

 

edit: ah, shores+Mon'tau, I get it now.

 

Lol, yes, the halls of mon' tau zuma forge lol

 

Thanks for the reply ill work on this when j get home

 

Among other people who hae helped me, I'd like to thank hellchyld for his continued support.

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from the forges of Mon'Tau Zuma to the skies of Tre'Ple The Eagles Eternal will free the oppressed from Chaos. (Xenos will get theirs too by Hammer, Spear or Scythe.)

 

Looking good War Angel. have some more stuff coming your way this weekend. thanks for allowing me to play support on this.

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thanks for the point out madwolf, ill get that fixed later. im glad that others feel the Corps in it as i do.

 

since im here ill mention that i managed to add a little more flavor to the recruitment section, also moving the part about marksmanship. theres still alot to do, more things to fill in. im going to go more in depth with alot of this. theres also a second war for fidelis, and a few other major conflicts to add, to include some boarding action.

 

ill either get some work on this over the week, or manage to work on some sternguard. but either way its going to be awesome.

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The Crusade continues...

 

 

Origins

The Eagles Eternal were Formed in the 3rd founding utilizing Geneseed gathered from The Crimson Fist. Gifted with the massive Battle Barge “Emperors Splendor”, and a host of other vessels, the high lords of Terra hopped the chapter would be a successful crusading chapter, bringing peace to the Segmentum Pacificus.

- I bet, the High Lords of Terra hopped in exciment to see new Chapte of Emperor's own Space Marines, but... this doesn't seem to be the intented meaning. ;)

 

The crippled chapter claimed Fidelis as their homeworld and began the painful task of rebuilding.

- See below.

 

Homeworld

- Observe: Fidelis lives peacefully -> Heretics come and enslave the population -> ??? -> Culture resembles the revolutionary age of the ancient Terra. The way you describe it, it looks like the planet was left on its own and developed that way after centuries. The thing is, the Chaos doesn't just enslave... it corrupts, twists and impairs. Most, if not entire population would be Chaos-cultists, by the time your Eagles has come to planet. Moreover, you can't kill every heretic, the planet is too big to be sure.

- I don't think, the Eagles would adopt the Fidelis as their recruiting ground. The danger of taint is too great risk.

 

Recruitment

Gathering up all present serves the chapter’s goal of remaining unknown to the locals

- Why?

- After carving all these statues so anyone can see them?

 

Combat Doctrine

Rifles used by the armies of Fidelis are single shot gun powder weapons. The time it takes to reload a rifle is significant, and forces soldiers to hone the precision of their aim. A majority of recruits joining the Eagles Eternal are already expert riflemen before inception, the training of a neophyte only increases the marine’s ability to fire under pressure. Many Marines in the chapter take pride in their marksmanship.

- No bayonets?

- A Treatise on the Tactical Use of the Three Arms: Infantry, Artillery, and Cavalry. Just saying.

 

Organization

This has allowed the Marines to cover more ground, fighting more conflicts at once, gaining more renown and glory for the Chapter.

- Debatable. More Battle Companies surely will allow you to fight in more conflicts, at least initially. But after suffering casualties, these companies will forced to retire, regroup and replenish their ranks, all of this will take time. The codex organisation will be able to continue for extended period or even sustain more casualties until will be forced to retire.

 

In order to ensure that the youth of the chapter received combat training, Neophytes would have to be assigned to Battle companies without being tied to a Scout Company like other Chapters.

- Ahem, you don't know how the Codex Chapter operates, do you? - The standart campaign/battle formation of Space Marine Chapter is Strike Force, which usually consists from one (or two, or three...) Battle Co. + elements drawn from the 1st, 10th and Reserve companies.

 

Honor Companies

- Well, first off. With millenia of service to draw upon, every Chapter have Honor Companies, as you call them. They just don't offer them any special honours, because to fight for the glory of the Emperor, Imperium and Chapter is their duty. And duty is its own reward.

 

During the Invasion of the Forge world Mon’Tau

- I laugh every time I see "Enemy invades ForgeWorld....". The Forge World is sanctuary of Adeptus Mechanicus and home of legions (yes, plurar) of Skiritarii, at least one Titan Legion and Ordinatus weapon platforms. Only the most bravest or insane enemies of man would dare to attack such forminable defenses. (And they would be squashed like cockroaches really quick.)

 

Beliefs

Seeking to protect their home, and avenge the loss of their fleet, they draw the hated enemies into combat, that they might defeat chaos itself in one final battle. It is believed that this embedded discontent for chaos is to cause a strong resistance to the wills of dark gods.

- Khorne doesn't care from where the blood flows, only that it flows. :P

 

Before becoming Space Marines, recruits had no knowledge of life amongst the stars. Stories of the nightmares of hell taking over their world before god’s angels descended upon them to liberate his empire. The chapter has developed a belief of the Emperor as there god, and they as his angels, meant to do battle with his nightmarish foes. They prefer to fight the forces of chaos and heretics, though are content to do battle with xenos threats also, seeing all of their enemies as blasphemous to their God-Emperor.

- Outside of the god-like nature of Emperor this is pretty standard for Space Marines. The Belief section is, imho, the most important section of the IA, because here you have a chance to show off the creed and the core of the Chapter. It's here, where the Chapter presents itself the most significantly. And this also place where DIYers are failing the most.

 

The belief section should give the reader clear answer at the question,"Who are these Marines?"

 

The First war for Fidelis

- Here is the question for you; If the War for Fidelis never happened, what would change for your Chapter?

 

 

~NightrawenII.

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I hope you don't mind if I work on these issues one at a time, I'm currently at work and really, I just think some focus is best when facing a task such as this

 

Starting with the origins, after changing it to hoping, I assume that section will be fine?

 

Moving on to the homeworld. When I had first incisions this, I was imagining a fire rustic version of knights coming to a ciliate that's being controlled by a band of thugs. They take what they want, be it men for labour, women for sex, children o raise as their own and replenish their ranks.

 

I can see what you mean about chaos corrupting, I had even had an idea that some cultist were left and they would spire the constant wars of the planet. So how can I fix this? Maybe I make them rebels? They don't warship chaos their just tired of having tofight, they want to hae some fun and pick on some one weaker than them selves? Then the eagles come and try have to make ally's quick? Does that fix this?

 

Recruitment, I know it sounds weird now, I'm planing on adding more about the spire, which will explain how the fields on the southern side of the mountains(we're the statues are) we're the main battle grounds for both (there's a second war in the making) and the city's that had been there were destroyed. The areas been unpopulated ever sense, and while people do make the pilgrimage to see them, it's somewhat uncommon and would only be done by those of that continent. It's almost like a myth/legend. The most people know about it is passed on from parents, and they likely think the statues to be from an age long past. It's also so rarely visited that building a new statue would go unnoticed.

 

I blame this confusion on my part for not having gone over this more, and it will be addressed further. My apologies.

 

Combat docterine, sure there's bayonets. Do you think it's more important enough to warrant a mention? I'll go over the link when I get home, than you though.

 

I'm going to skip to the end for this last one, the war for fidelis (the first one) with out it, the chapter would still be fleet based, untill some other tragedy occurs. They would not have had the hardships they did when they did, Lilly at a later date. To me, this war changed everything, and when I first started the chapter, it was the main event,(they were also 26 founding)

 

Thanks for you're comments and thoughts though, I'll let you respond to my responses before I attempt to tackle the other issues you saw.

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I thought I heard an IA being hit with something ominous and terrifying just now...?

Oh hey, welcome back Nightrawen! :P

 

While I'm here, let me pitch in with a couple of musings. *Dusts off the Bowling Ball of C&C*

I hope you don't mind if I work on these issues one at a time, I'm currently at work and really, I just think some focus is best when facing a task such as this

Absolutely. There's no rush, and developing things at your pace will always be the best choice. :)

I can see what you mean about chaos corrupting, I had even had an idea that some cultist were left and they would spire the constant wars of the planet. So how can I fix this? Maybe I make them rebels? They don't warship chaos their just tired of having tofight, they want to hae some fun and pick on some one weaker than them selves? Then the eagles come and try have to make ally's quick? Does that fix this?

See, I was about to suggest changing 'heretics' for 'renegades and outlaws'. Well played, sir! :D

 

This'll give you your lawless and bitter world on the brink of ruin that the Eagles Eternal can help bring back under proper Imperial control. If gangs of thugs and mercenaries are literally turning the whole planet into a warzone, that gives you a situation where the locals can be pretty hardy fighters just by neccesity of survival against the roaming brigands and thugs.

 

The Eagles could make sure that the civilian populations aren't wiped out, but leave enough lowlife dirtbags about that the population still has to learn to fight (and produce suitable recruits for the Chapter).

 

This is besides any wars on Fidelis, too, which would be a sort of extra bonus as far as conditions for getting really hardy recruits is concerned!

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Now, as far as recruits are concerned, Space Marines have to recruit children (the gene-seed doesn't work properly in adults). I've honestly forgotten the exact age range, but I think it's generally early-teenage sort of ages.

This means unless the wars in Fidelis often include child armies (not impossible if the wars are really vicious), then the EE's recruiting practices might have to change a bit.

 

And now I must apologize, because I haven't the faintest clue what to suggest that might appeal to you as a replacement idea. :P

If you'd like me to throw about a few possibilities though, I'll try and conjure up something cool.

 

 

Since you're also dealing with Nightrawen's C&C, I'll stop there instead of going through everything at once. Too much C&C is as bad as too little sometimes! B)

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Thanks for the view Ace. It's not mentioned in the IA, and I suppose it should be, the soldiers fighting on fidelis are typicaly young teens. Kind of the hard life style where you have to grow up quick. I'll put more detail of this into the homeworld later, but lifespans are short, and this allows te chapter to use this for their recruiting. I hate it when people say things in response to critiques expecting the reader to know these facts, so I reassure you that I will be adding these overlooked details into the IA.

 

I will also reassure you that (at least in my own mind) I belive myself to be decently knowledgeable in space marine practices, I just fall prey to my own overlooking, and over thinking lol.

 

Any suggestions are welcome, I'm not sure which issue you were referring to though. Thanks again, and I wish I could get back to addressing Nightrawen's remaining topics, but those are fairly larger problems and I will wait till I get to my computer to handle them. I'm currently working on making some Marines.

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Thanks for the view Ace. It's not mentioned in the IA, and I suppose it should be, the soldiers fighting on fidelis are typicaly young teens. Kind of the hard life style where you have to grow up quick. I'll put more detail of this into the homeworld later, but lifespans are short, and this allows te chapter to use this for their recruiting. I hate it when people say things in response to critiques expecting the reader to know these facts, so I reassure you that I will be adding these overlooked details into the IA.

 

I will also reassure you that (at least in my own mind) I belive myself to be decently knowledgeable in space marine practices, I just fall prey to my own overlooking, and over thinking lol.

 

In my defence I have no way of knowing who knows what, so I tend to assume if it's not mentioned, it's not known about! B)

Don't think too badly of me if I underestimate you from time to time. :)

 

Any suggestions are welcome, I'm not sure which issue you were referring to though. Thanks again, and I wish I could get back to addressing Nightrawen's remaining topics, but those are fairly larger problems and I will wait till I get to my computer to handle them. I'm currently working on making some Marines.

 

Well, I'm not sure their ship crashing into the planet wouldn't make an almighty mess of it. Space Marine Battle Barges tend to be really extravagantly large, so I'm not sure you'd have much of a mountain range left after the collision!

 

I'm sure I remember reading stuff on this very subject somewhere else, but my search-fu fails me.

 

Anyway. I wouldn't worry about that right now. If anyone else raises the issue it might be worth adressing, but it'd be better to focus on Nightrawen's stuff beforehand.

 

 

As for recruitment, the idea that came to me was if Fidelis is in a constant/near-constant state of war, the EE might make arrangements with each of the warring states/cities to trial their best young warriors every so many years (leave the number vague - I've seen from experience that picking any number creates arguments!) and take any found worthy as recruits. In exchange, perhaps the Chapter gives the states/cities help with building fortifications (not arming them though!) or offers to transport so many of the civilians to build a new settlement well away from the war in case things go badly for the state/city.

 

Eventually those new settlements will grow, and enter into wars themselves, and so the cycle continues.

 

Kinda complicated, I know, but it could be fun. :P

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Lol, the ship crashing issue would boil down to exactly where did it land, and how big is the mountain range. If the ships crashing on the northern edge of the range, then the southern edge would be greatly undamaged, depending on the size. While I didnt get into the specifics of this, I think it's just one of those times where you have to say "this is what's written, so for whatever other details, it worked. At least in my opinion, I could be wrong.

 

I like the idea on recruiting, but the key things I want of the chapter in that regards are that they remain unknown ( or maybe the better term is unrevealing???) to the locals. I guess in the same sense as space wolves. I know this may be contradictory to the eagle spire, but the heart wants what te heart wants. :P

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I like the idea on recruiting, but the key things I want of the chapter in that regards are that they remain unknown ( or maybe the better term is unrevealing???) to the locals. I guess in the same sense as space wolves. I know this may be contradictory to the eagle spire, but the heart wants what the heart wants. :P

 

Made me chuckle! Anyways keep up the good work and please dont be offended when I refer to them as the jarhead chapter! I dont really do C&C but just wanted to add that I like the time frame your homeworld is in! Muskets and whatnot! It is nice to take a break from working on my own diy and see the progress others are making.

 

On that note I also just discovered your thread about making the Eagles Eternal and wanted to say I like the direction that is going as well.

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im on my computer now, so back to Nightrawen's post.

 

in regards to the Forge of Mon'Tau. maybe its not so much an invasion, as it is a seige. but i know that forge worlds have been attacked before. the book Titanicus is about a forge world that requires another titan leigions help. ive also learned from "Dark Heresy" That not all forges have titans, some are minor forges, and while im sure they would have their own armys, they may not have titans, or maybe not as many. i could be very wrong with that though so i offer this other solution.

 

this was a major engagment, with 3 companys from the Eagles Eternal, and as mentioned, the Marines Errant(no mention of how many companys). im thinking that the conflict will take place some time around one of the black crusades? so this is a very very big deal, i see no reason why some marines wouldnt be included.

 

 

honor companys

 

these are less "more honor" and more of a "well we only have this much of these capabilitys, only one company can do it". there also kind of a transistion between battle company, and veterans. it kind of started off as one thing, and now i just like the idea. so i dont care what i need to do to keep it, but i want to keep it.

 

well get back to the orginizations one, but whats wrong with my belifes? im not sure im following you.

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I like the idea on recruiting, but the key things I want of the chapter in that regards are that they remain unknown ( or maybe the better term is unrevealing???) to the locals. I guess in the same sense as space wolves. I know this may be contradictory to the eagle spire, but the heart wants what the heart wants. :P

 

Made me chuckle! Anyways keep up the good work and please dont be offended when I refer to them as the jarhead chapter! I dont really do C&C but just wanted to add that I like the time frame your homeworld is in! Muskets and whatnot! It is nice to take a break from working on my own diy and see the progress others are making.

 

On that note I also just discovered your thread about making the Eagles Eternal and wanted to say I like the direction that is going as well.

 

 

Thank you very much for both comments. I think once I liven up my homeworld section it will explain the locals view of the Marines.

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Moving on to the homeworld. When I had first incisions this, I was imagining a fire rustic version of knights coming to a ciliate that's being controlled by a band of thugs. They take what they want, be it men for labour, women for sex, children o raise as their own and replenish their ranks.

 

I can see what you mean about chaos corrupting, I had even had an idea that some cultist were left and they would spire the constant wars of the planet. So how can I fix this? Maybe I make them rebels? They don't warship chaos their just tired of having tofight, they want to hae some fun and pick on some one weaker than them selves? Then the eagles come and try have to make ally's quick? Does that fix this?

This sounds awfully like Dark Eldar raiders, the ultimate vulture-race of W40k.

 

Combat docterine, sure there's bayonets. Do you think it's more important enough to warrant a mention? I'll go over the link when I get home, than you though.

Read the infantry chapter in the link. ;)

 

I thought I heard an IA being hit with something ominous and terrifying just now...?

Oh hey, welcome back Nightrawen! ;)

Glad to see you too Ace.

 

Now, as far as recruits are concerned, Space Marines have to recruit children (the gene-seed doesn't work properly in adults). I've honestly forgotten the exact age range, but I think it's generally early-teenage sort of ages.

This means unless the wars in Fidelis often include child armies (not impossible if the wars are really vicious), then the EE's recruiting practices might have to change a bit.

Duh! Forget to mention this... Lesson to be learned; People shouldn't do thing in rush.

 

I like the idea on recruiting, but the key things I want of the chapter in that regards are that they remain unknown ( or maybe the better term is unrevealing???) to the locals. I guess in the same sense as space wolves. I know this may be contradictory to the eagle spire, but the heart wants what te heart wants. :)

But the Space Wolves are well-know to Fenris human population.

In first book of Ragnar series, the Rune Priest walks into Ragnar's village like nothing and ask for ship.

 

The only Chapter, which is unknown to it's recruiment pool, I can think off right now are Red Scorpions.

 

The 'distant rule' is certainly possible, but you shouldn't push the saw too hard.

 

in regards to the Forge of Mon'Tau. maybe its not so much an invasion, as it is a seige. but i know that forge worlds have been attacked before. the book Titanicus is about a forge world that requires another titan leigions help. ive also learned from "Dark Heresy" That not all forges have titans, some are minor forges, and while im sure they would have their own armys, they may not have titans, or maybe not as many. i could be very wrong with that though so i offer this other solution.

 

this was a major engagment, with 3 companys from the Eagles Eternal, and as mentioned, the Marines Errant(no mention of how many companys). im thinking that the conflict will take place some time around one of the black crusades? so this is a very very big deal, i see no reason why some marines wouldnt be included.

Black Crusades take part in Segmentum Obscurus, Eagles Eternal are in Pacificus and Marines Errant for the most part in Ultima. Hmmm....

The Forge Worlds in Dark Heresy are wrong classification, most of them if not all fall in "Industrial World" category. Common mistake.

 

That's the point, it's too big deal for fanfiction. Modesty is a virtue of DIYer.

 

honor companys

 

these are less "more honor" and more of a "well we only have this much of these capabilitys, only one company can do it". there also kind of a transistion between battle company, and veterans. it kind of started off as one thing, and now i just like the idea. so i dont care what i need to do to keep it, but i want to keep it.

Well, I don't like specialized marines, because too much specialization kills marine dead. On the other hand, the specialists are possible, the Deathwing/Ravenwing. The difference here is that their 'skill&expertise' are lend to others, acting as support instead of operating alone.

 

well get back to the orginizations one, but whats wrong with my belifes? im not sure im following you.

Nothing, but there is much to be desired. And Eagles shouldn't be too eager to kill, because there lies madness and damnation.

 

 

~NightrawenII.

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Ok, so it sounds like most of these issues just need more depth added. But the forge world doesn't work. How can I make the forge world work? The goal originally was to add the marine corps hymn into the chapter.

 

What could you suggest to the beliefs?

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But the forge world doesn't work. How can I make the forge world work? The goal originally was to add the marine corps hymn into the chapter.

You need fortress. Any fortress will do. Maybe prominent citadel of Orkdom?

 

What could you suggest to the beliefs?

Well... That's something YOU should know. ;) Belief section is where you make your Marines truly yours.

 

When everything fails... Ask Octaguide 2.0. ;)

 

Beliefs

Commissar Molotov, at the slightest provocation, was wont to opine that the Beliefs section was the most important section in the IA. He had a point. The Beliefs section is the one section that gives the reader direct insight into how your Chapter thinks. It is the opportunity to present your Chapter's unique view of the universe and give real insight into their character.

 

Take advantage of this. A good Beliefs section will lay out what the Chapter believes and clearly link that to the Chapter's history. Most IAs will have already introduced many of the Chapter's basic beliefs at this point – they should be expanded upon and further explained. It also is traditionally used to explain details about their religious practices and the particular quirks by which they express their beliefs. Interesting rituals and ceremonies are conventional in this section, and add greatly to a Chapter's character.

 

However, what is important here is to get into the meat of how the Chapter thinks and interacts with others. What do they think of the Imperium? The Emperor? Other Chapters? How do they philosophically approach the universe? What really goes on in their heads?

 

These sections can be tricky - I find it best to first figure out how the Chapter works, then come back to the Beliefs section and extrapolate from my newfound knowledge of the Chapter to what they must believe on various subjects. The reverse can also work, of course. The important thing is that the beliefs mesh well with the rest of the Chapter and the IA.

 

Do not use this section to explore their views toward warfare and combat. That goes in Combat Doctrine.

 

 

~NightrawenII.

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So you're insistent that forge worlds never get attacked by a ballsy alien? Like nids or somthing? And I realise I'm far away from the eye, I guess I was thinking some break though force, but they probably wouldn't have attacked a forge. I could have my marines go to the eye for that.

 

Thanks for the link

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It doesn't necessarily have to be a forgeworld to have forges, and so still be incorporated into the Hymn. An industrial world or one of NightrawenII's other suggestions might still serve your purpose.
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