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WIP DIY Dark Angels successor Chapter


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#1
Grotsmasha

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Ok, so this is my first time actually writing anything down and is veerrryy much still WIP. Anything in red is part of the template and still to be fleshed out. Any and all C&C is sought.


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

HERALDS OF DEVASTATION


Origins

The Heralds of Devastation are officially counted among the Chapters of the 23rd Founding, or Sentinel Founding of the late 37th Millennium, a fact that has been contested several times by many Imperial historians. The debate stems from official Fire Hawk combat records listing the Heralds participation and engagements in the turmoil of the Age of Apostasy more than 1000 years prior, leading to several claims that the Heralds belong to the Cursed 21st Founding, their constant bad luck lends credence to these claims. When confronted by the Administratum for clarification, the Grand Master of the time replied, “It does not matter how long we have fought the enemies of mankind, it only matters that we still do”.


Homeworld

The Heralds of Devastation homeworld, Scrillax V, was once a death-world equal to Catachan, or Caliban of old. The Scrillax system, located beyond the Exodite worlds of the Eastern Fringe, contained just one gas giant world with six orbiting moons. Scrillax III the largest moon, matched ancient Terra for size. The Heralds made the uninhabited fifth moon of the system, a vicious death-world, their home and training ground.

In the year of 759.M38, the Scrillax system was besieged by a massive Ork Waaagh !!!, believed to have numbered in the billions, as it advanced from beyond known space. With all three of the chapters Battle Companies, two full Reserve Companies and more than half of the elite First and Second Companies deployed elsewhere in the galaxy, Grand Master Naarion sent out a desperate plea for aid to any and every Imperial force within astropathic range. The system fell quickly, the Heralds were insurmountably outnumbered, the space battle lost before it began, all of The Heralds potent and powerful warships were elsewhere in the galaxy. The remaining companies were split between their homeworld and the two other habited worlds of Scrillax II and III and prepared to sell their lives dearly. The massive Ork Waaagh!!!! steam rolled through the system, every man, woman and child was slaughtered, not a single soul survived.

Due to the fickle nature of the warp, the plea for aid did not reach the rest of the chapter for almost 200 years (912.M38). Calling on bonds of friendship and trust, earned in the Age of Apostasy, Master Baelthan of the Veteran 1st Company returned to the Scrillax and its surrounding systems with all remaining Heralds and three full companies from the Fire Hawks chapter. In a crusade lasting 89 years that reduced the Heralds of Devastation's numbers to less than 250 marines, the Orks were removed entirely from all surrounding systems, not a single spore remained. With their homeworld once again in their care, The Heralds of Devastation set about the arduous task of rebuilding the chapter under Grand Master Baelthan's command.

It was in the year of 749.M41, that disaster befell the Scrillax system, again. This time there would be no reclaiming their home world, or system. Both were wiped from existence by a new threat to the galaxy, the Tyranid Hive Fleet later designated Behemoth. The Heralds of Devastation were almost wiped from history for a second time, struggling to fight an unknown enemy. Making an unpopular decision, Grand Master Decius, the third Grand Master in as many weeks, commanded the remaining 147 marines to cut and run for Macragge and warn the Imperium at large. Again, betrayed by the warp, The Heralds of Devastation did not arrive until the Ultramarines had already won Macragge and defeated Behemoth.

Since the second loss of their homeworld The Heralds of Devastation have become a fleet-based Chapter. They constantly patrol the Imperium's border along the Eastern Fringe, in their experience it is where they are needed most. They are in almost constant warfare with the Tau, ranging from small skirmishes to all out conflicts.


Training and Recruitment

The methods of recruitment and training used by The Heralds of Devastation are a closely guarded secret, known to none besides Supreme Grand Master Azrael, Lord of the Unforgiven Chapters, and perhaps Ezekial, Keeper of Secrets. The practice of Replicae is a hidden and disliked technology most of the Imperium would like forgotten. Rather than clone the complexity of a fully mature space marine, The Heralds of Devastation clone human male children. The Heralds have several facilities located on or near Imperial Death Worlds along the Eastern Fringe where clones are vat-grown to a comparable age of 5yrs old. From the moment they are 'born' they are trained to be space marines, by space marines in the most arduous of conditions, on the most terrifying worlds The Heralds can find. They are psycho-indoctrinated into the Chapters history and beliefs, they are trained to fight in both armed and unarmed combat. They endure 5yrs of arduous and life ending training and chapter education before they are ready for the implantation process to begin. Although clones of even beginnings, many fail and as little as 10% proceed to the implantation stage. All clones are known by a number designation until graduation from the Scout Company, when they gain the right to wear Power Armour, they given the right to choose for themselves a name from the chapters book of heros.

Stemming from this unique training and recruitment practice, is two significant deviances from the organisation and beliefs of their parent chapter, The Dark Angels. The first concerns when a marine first learns of The Unforgiven's shame. Due to the early age, and much stronger indoctrination, it is at the rank of Sergeant (excluding unsanctioned field promotions) that a marine first learns about the Legions legacy and his role in restoring it's honour. The second is due to the necessity of keeping their recruitment process secret, none may show their face to any outside the chapter, only the Grand Master bares that right. To this end all marines wear full-face balaclava's beneath their helms at all times should combat necessitate the removal of their helm.


Combat Doctrine

The Heralds of Devastation make use of both the Deathwing and Ravenwing formations, but not as two companies but one, The XXXXXwing. This tradition started after the reclaimation of their original homeworld, when Grand Master Baelthan chose his successors to the 1st and 2nd companies. In a situation that has yet to repeat itself, the cloning process, once, one time, created twins, two clones within the one vat. Why the Apothecarion allowed this anomaly to continue is unknown, but had they been terminated, two of the chapters greatest warriors would never have existed. The two brothers couldn't have been more different, which made them unique in an army of clones. The first, larger than most, Brother Vespire was very deliberate in his movements and decisions, when his course of action was decided, none could stand in his path. His brother, Thorin, quick to decide, quick to act, had a natural ability to choose the best options to maximise success, with what seemed like little thought. It was during the crusade to reclaim their home system that Master Baelthan had the opportunity to witness Vespire of the 1st and Thorin of the 2nd working their squads together in several joint missions. There was total cohesion, it seemed as each knew the others thoughts and would react to each others developing situations, typically resulting in victories where defeat was almost certain. When Grand Master Baelthan named them both his successors, and reformed the two companies into the XXXXXwing, the second company was reclassified as a forth Battle Company.


Combat Doctrine
- Armor Heavy? Very mobile
- Specializations?
- Intolerances?

Organization
- Inner Circle
- Color schemes

Present Activities
- Notable Characters
- Notable Battles 
- Narrative about the Chapter at the dawn of the 41st Millennium
- Are they hunters of the Fallen? Do they even know about the Fallen?

Beliefs

Battlecry
"Poke 'em in the eye!"
"Repent! For tomorrow you die!"


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Ok, so this is my intended colour scheme,

Posted Image

with the ex-Fire Hawk chapter badge,

Posted Image


Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think.

Cheers,
Jono

Edited by Grotsmasha, 20 May 2012 - 10:54 AM.


#2
War Angel

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the confusion of the chapter founding, what does it serve?

by my understanding of the word, "uninhabited" would mean by anything. thus the world would be a dead world.

second paragraph of home world, you over use the phrase "selling their lives dearly"

i can understand a message taking 200 years to reach its intended targets, but theres no explination as to why none of the rest of the chapter returned to their homeworld. while this is not unheard of with many chapters, you should describe that this is somthing that happens. even still, this still sounds odd, and some work should be put into it.

89 years is a LONG war, even for space marines who's lives are far greater then our own. some explination as to why this took so long would be usefull, but at the same time, what was done about recruiting?

i like the twins story. theres clearly alot of work to do as you havnt made up youre mind about much of this. im looking forword to seeing more
USMC based Space Marines, the Eagles Eternal check out their WIP blog at The Eagle Spire
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#3
Aegnor

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I agree with War Angel - I don't think the confusion/rumors about the Founding adds much - they've been unlucky, and that idea is fine and good. Do they NEED to be of the Cursed founding to be unlucky? Or alternatively, if you want them to be Cursed Founding, is there a reason not to just say this?

I like the Ork invasion idea, and the long, bloody mind struggle to re-establish themselves, only to them get swamped by Behemoth.

The twins thing and the clones thing are both nice touches. Are the clones all of the one person - Star Wars Clone Trooper style, or of a few individuals, or even an entire previous "generation" of Marines?
Fbm7BxJ.jpg SWyTedd.jpg

WIP - Salamanders and other randomsIt's not more guns or tactics this army needs, it's Thunder Hammers, and lots of them!

#4
War Angel

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.... wasnt aware i hit add reply, as i had entended to build upon thoes statments... that was just my notes of what i noticed while reading the IA.
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#5
Grotsmasha

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Thanks for the comments guys,

@ War Angel: What would you suggest instead of uninhabited? The world has no sentient life, just vicious predatory creatures and poisonous plant life?

The 'sell their lives dearly' is my boo-boo, added a sentence in and forgot to remove the first one.

200 year absence, how about I add in a couple of the companies returning home to resupply only to be caught in the defence of their homeworld.

Your right about the confusion over the Founding not being necessary, or adding much, but its a small detail I'd like to expand at a latter date, once the comps done.

Concerning the 89 yr war, I'll give it more thought as to why it took so long

@ Aegnor: Star Wars, single specimen. I've been considering making the sample stolen DNA from a historical hero.


Cheers guys, any more comments/suggestions, hit me with them.
Jono

#6
Grotsmasha

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Double post.......stupid phone being stupid......

Edited by Grotsmasha, 20 May 2012 - 10:52 AM.


#7
War Angel

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Uninhabited by humans. I'm confused though, are you're marines living there and dumping a bunch of kids into a field to survive and become stronger? Usually when you recruit from death worlds, the only reason anyone is managing to stay alive is because their born there and they pass on their survival skills.

I'm not sure about that, I can't imagin so few numbers surviving such a large host of orks. Things like that come in like the tide and you can only give the illusion of holding them back. Also, I feel like now I'm not sure what the attachment to the home world is. Why are they dieing for it if it doesn't even have a populace

I'd suggest cleaning up the founding a bit, I think you mention that the confusion is because of another chapter?

Btw, if you want to try and change it do they go back for resupply, write it up and see how it looks. While I think it might not work, you might be able to prove me wrong
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#8
Octavulg

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I'd do both arms in red. Symmetry is underrated.

Where'd you get the term "Sentinel Founding" from?

I think that the name Scrillax may be a bit close to Skrillex...

Cloning is a quite sensible solution to the recruitment needs of chapters. It doesn't seem to get discussed much in fluff, though - the Death Riders apparently clone their horses without problem, and Horus was cloned (though the success of that is debatable), and it does apparently happen (there was some Hive Prince who did it), but then there's that whole Blood Angels thing. I don't think it's quite as weird and deviant as you suggest.

I wouldn't worry about similarity of facial features - it's pretty well established that most Space Marines look very much alike anyway.

Seems not uninteresting. MOre "what they're like" would be good, though. Right now there's history, but less personality.

Edited by Octavulg, 20 May 2012 - 03:10 PM.

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

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#9
Grotsmasha

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Uninhabited by humans. I'm confused though, are you're marines living there and dumping a bunch of kids into a field to survive and become stronger? Usually when you recruit from death worlds, the only reason anyone is managing to stay alive is because their born there and they pass on their survival skills.

The Heralds don't dump 5 yrs olds out there to 'wing it', but it's the marines that pass on the survival skills to their charges.

I'm not sure about that, I can't imagin so few numbers surviving such a large host of orks. Things like that come in like the tide and you can only give the illusion of holding them back. Also, I feel like now I'm not sure what the attachment to the home world is. Why are they dieing for it if it doesn't even have a populace.

I'll specify. The returning understrength companies (2) are caught in the tide and are wiped out also, holding out with guerella tactics for 10-15 yrs, dying one by one. They need the world back because it's THEIR world and no xenos scum will have it, plus theres the hidden, secret basement in their Fortress Monastery with all the chapters cool toys in it.

I'd suggest cleaning up the founding a bit, I think you mention that the confusion is because of another chapter?

Yep, once the bulk of the IA is done I'd like to flesh out that part with a third catastrophe at the end of the Age of Apostasy that clarifies their 'missing' records.

Btw, if you want to try and change it do they go back for resupply, write it up and see how it looks. While I think it might not work, you might be able to prove me wrong

Will do.

I'd do both arms in red. Symmetry is underrated.

I understand symmetry, but it's a style (like halved or quartered) that I like and don't see often.

Where'd you get the term "Sentinel Founding" from?

Its quoted on Lexicanium as being in IA: 10, page 132.

I think that the name Scrillax may be a bit close to Skrillex...

Didn't know there was a Skrillex.....I'll work on a new name.

Cloning is a quite sensible solution to the recruitment needs of chapters. It doesn't seem to get discussed much in fluff, though - the Death Riders apparently clone their horses without problem, and Horus was cloned (though the success of that is debatable), and it does apparently happen (there was some Hive Prince who did it), but then there's that whole Blood Angels thing. I don't think it's quite as weird and deviant as you suggest.


Cloning in the Guard, Mechanicum, privately, yep. I've not heard of SM's doing it outside of experiments though.

I wouldn't worry about similarity of facial features - it's pretty well established that most Space Marines look very much alike anyway.


Alike yes, identical (beside Alpha Legion) probably not. Not that it'd make too much difference in the context of the Imperium at large, but is a nod of the head to the Dark Angels liking their secrets kept.

Seems not uninteresting. MOre "what they're like" would be good, though. Right now there's history, but less personality.

Yep, personality to come. i'm making this up as I go, so I need to see where they've been and how they got here to know where they're at now.

Edited by Grotsmasha, 21 May 2012 - 11:10 PM.


#10
DarkGuard

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Grotsmasha, that bright green font is really hurting my eyes. ;)

But anyway, I like it. I really like the idea of this Chapter, that had a terrible tragedy befall them, to regroup, rebuild, only to have an even greater tragedy befall them. I'd like to see some development on their character after the Tyrannic War. I'd imagine they'd be a few melancholic Marines there, some doubts that two bestial races have overran them and destroyed their comrades, their charges and those they hold dear. Did some believe themselves weak? Did some believe themselves not worthy? Did some believe the Emperor wasn't looking upon them. And who was it that rallied the Chapter after this, who gave them their belief back, gave them their purpose, and reformed them as a fleet faring Chapter?

Also, nice colour scheme, I really like the asymmetric style there, you don't see it a lot.
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Seraph's Wings - WIP, short story of the Knights Seraphic
Knights Seraphic special characters
Codex: Space Marines 101 - a basic guide to using Codex: Space Marines
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#11
Octavulg

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I understand symmetry, but it's a style (like halved or quartered) that I like and don't see often.


I see both arms even less often than one arm, honestly.

Its quoted on Lexicanium as being in IA: 10, page 132.


Oh. Yay.

Can you tell I don't like IA10?

Didn't know there was a Skrillex.....I'll work on a new name.


Then you were a happier man than I.

Cloning in the Guard, Mechanicum, privately, yep. I've not heard of SM's doing it outside of experiments though.


Oh, indeed. I just don't think they'll be burned out root and branch if it's discovered, which was the impression I was beginning to get from what you'd written.

Alike yes, identical (beside Alpha Legion) probably not. Not that it'd make too much difference in the context of the Imperium at large, but is a nod of the head to the Dark Angels liking their secrets kept.


I believe I remember a few mentions in A D-B's Night Lords books of it being difficult for the human slaves to tell the Marines apart working purely from physical cues. Could be mistaken, though.

Are they all clones of the same guy? Because if they're not, then all one has to worry about is making sure that there aren't too many of the same guy deployed as part of a detachment.

Also, the word balaclava is inherently silly. I'd recommend distinguishing plastic surgery instead, if you're really worried about it. Anything that reminds people of knitwear is a bad idea.

Yep, personality to come. i'm making this up as I go, so I need to see where they've been and how they got here to know where they're at now.


A good way to do it. Just don't get carried away and spend all your time rambling through they're history. ;)

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#12
Grotsmasha

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I'd suggest cleaning up the founding a bit, I think you mention that the confusion is because of another chapter?


So having thought a little about this, lets see what you think. Following the turmoil and unbalance of the Age of Apostasy, the Heralds of Devastation's Inner Circle decided to approach Sebastian Thor for a sample of his DNA that they make a new clone template. While the Heralds are en router to Terra, Thor dies, has his funeral and is preserved/entombed. The Heralds go for it anyway make major boo-boo and get caught and are accused of stealing his head :) . So as punishment all honours and records are stripped from them and their history deleted with them being sent beyond the fringe in a Penitent Crusade.

Grotsmasha, that bright green font is really hurting my eyes. ;)

But anyway, I like it. I really like the idea of this Chapter, that had a terrible tragedy befall them, to regroup, rebuild, only to have an even greater tragedy befall them. I'd like to see some development on their character after the Tyrannic War. I'd imagine they'd be a few melancholic Marines there, some doubts that two bestial races have overran them and destroyed their comrades, their charges and those they hold dear. Did some believe themselves weak? Did some believe themselves not worthy? Did some believe the Emperor wasn't looking upon them. And who was it that rallied the Chapter after this, who gave them their belief back, gave them their purpose, and reformed them as a fleet faring Chapter?

Also, nice colour scheme, I really like the asymmetric style there, you don't see it a lot.


Sorry about the green, I use the DA skin, it's the only one that stands out, I'll have a play with it. As to your suggestions on morale and rebuilding, I hadn't thought about it before you mentioned it, but now you have, I have. I'm thinking that poor old unpopular Grand Master Decius doesn't make it, leaving the Grand Master of Chaplains to step up.

EDIT: fixed the green, better?

Also, the word balaclava is inherently silly. I'd recommend distinguishing plastic surgery instead, if you're really worried about it. Anything that reminds people of knitwear is a bad idea.


Hmmmm, I'll muse on alternatives to knit-wear. I was originally going to leave it at marines never remove their helms, but someone would've asked about if they really had to, so knitwear.

Also, as to personality, something like...... due to their training process, they concept of humanity is even further removed than that of other chapters. They despise humanity for being so weak. They are bitter about their loses, they do not get along with Space Marines beyond the Unforgiven, they hold no hope for the future after the loss of their oldest allies, the Fire Hawks.

Now that I've said that, should I change the reinforcements to reclaim the homeworld to include some Unforgiven chapters?

Edited by Grotsmasha, 21 May 2012 - 11:38 PM.


#13
DarkGuard

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Sorry about the green, I use the DA skin, it's the only one that stands out, I'll have a play with it. As to your suggestions on morale and rebuilding, I hadn't thought about it before you mentioned it, but now you have, I have. I'm thinking that poor old unpopular Grand Master Decius doesn't make it, leaving the Grand Master of Chaplains to step up.

EDIT: fixed the green, better?


Much better ta. :)

And I'd be a bit wary about the Grand Master of Chaplains stepping up permanently, maybe just temporary? I think it'd be quite interesting to see a young up and coming Captain, or maybe one of the more Veteran but more eloquent Captains stepping up to the situation.

Hmmmm, I'll muse on alternatives to knit-wear. I was originally going to leave it at marines never remove their helms, but someone would've asked about if they really had to, so knitwear.

Also, as to personality, something like...... due to their training process, they concept of humanity is even further removed than that of other chapters. They despise humanity for being so weak. They are bitter about their loses, they do not get along with Space Marines beyond the Unforgiven, they hold no hope for the future after the loss of their oldest allies, the Fire Hawks.

Now that I've said that, should I change the reinforcements to reclaim the homeworld to include some Unforgiven chapters?


What about masks? Like metal or porcelain masks under their helmets? Would be a bit disconcerting mind. Or make sure everyone has a hood, not a balaclava. Even if it's attacked to their body suit and comes up and over their face in the helmet. Would also be more in line with the Unforgiven. In fact I like the hood idea.

Sounds good to me, and the Fire Hawks? Will be interesting to see how that gets on. Nice to know you'll get on with my Chapter then as well. Actually you probably won't if your guys actually support the Hunt. :)

I think extra reinforcements would be handy. Maybe have the delay being less to do with the Warp but more to do with enlisting the aid of more Chapters to help? Will it just be official Chapters. I feel I may be making a Liber social faux pas here but feel free to have a Company or two of my guys helping out, we're quite a friendly bunch. :) Although obviously that could complicate matters.

I like what you're doing here, keep it up!
IA: Knights Seraphic - Sons of the Lion, Condemners of the Hunt, Knights of the Imperium.
Seraph's Wings - WIP, short story of the Knights Seraphic
Knights Seraphic special characters
Codex: Space Marines 101 - a basic guide to using Codex: Space Marines
Enemies 101 - a basic guide for fighting the armies of WH40K, by Shadowstalker Grim
Sternguard: a Tactical Analysis - a comprehensive guide on using Sternguard Veteran squads in C:SM

#14
Octavulg

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Hoods and not removing helms much sounds like a good idea.

I'd avoid attaching them too much to the Fire Hawks. Get too close, and why weren't they mentioned when people talk about the Fire Hawks?

Proud author of the Ice Lords, the Bronze Prophets, the Stone Hearts, the Steel Dogs and the The Marines Tenebric.

The Octaguide - Your very long guide to very long IAs

Help me update the Big Liber Timeline!

"Wake up. Pray. Train. Pray. Drop screaming through the atmosphere from low orbit into a raging battlefield, and take the fight to enemies that may outnumber us by as little as three to one. Do battle with the most horrific enemies of mankind imaginable and charge into lines of weapons that could shred a tank into ribbons. Afterward, lunch, time permitting." - Marshal Arturas, 15/05/08


#15
Brother-Sergeant Bohemond

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yay, another Unforgiven brother :) Right, time to pull it apart and see what we can see :)


Origins

The Heralds of Devastation are officially counted among the Chapters of the 23rd Founding, or Sentinel Founding of the late 37th Millennium, a fact that has been contested several times by many Imperial historians. The debate stems from official Fire Hawk combat records listing the Heralds participation and engagements in the turmoil of the Age of Apostasy more than 1000 years prior, leading to several claims that the Heralds belong to the Cursed 21st Founding, their constant bad luck lends credence to these claims. When confronted by the Administratum for clarification, the Grand Master of the time replied, “It does not matter how long we have fought the enemies of mankind, it only matters that we still do”.


I like this, except I see no need to shroud the Founding in this much mystery, I feel it does not add much overall. I would suggest you change this to something along the lines that the HoD are recorded as a 23rd Founding DA successor, however combat list them in combat long before the 23rd Founding. The a brief comment about speculation but there is no definite and only the SGM and the GM themselves know the truth of the matter.


Homeworld

The Heralds of Devastation homeworld, Scrillax V, was once a death-world equal to Catachan, or Caliban of old. The Scrillax system, located beyond the Exodite worlds of the Eastern Fringe, contained just one gas giant world with six orbiting moons. Scrillax III the largest moon, matched ancient Terra for size. The Heralds made the uninhabited fifth moon of the system, a vicious death-world, their home and training ground.

In the year of 759.M38, the Scrillax system was besieged by a massive Ork Waaagh !!!, believed to have numbered in the billions, as it advanced from beyond known space. With all three of the chapters Battle Companies, two full Reserve Companies and more than half of the elite First and Second Companies deployed elsewhere in the galaxy, Grand Master Naarion sent out a desperate plea for aid to any and every Imperial force within astropathic range. The system fell quickly, the Heralds were insurmountably outnumbered, the space battle lost before it began, all of The Heralds potent and powerful warships were elsewhere in the galaxy. The remaining companies were split between their homeworld and the two other habited worlds of Scrillax II and III and prepared to sell their lives dearly. The massive Ork Waaagh!!!! steam rolled through the system, every man, woman and child was slaughtered, not a single soul survived.

Due to the fickle nature of the warp, the plea for aid did not reach the rest of the chapter for almost 200 years (912.M38). Calling on bonds of friendship and trust, earned in the Age of Apostasy, Master Baelthan of the Veteran 1st Company returned to the Scrillax and its surrounding systems with all remaining Heralds and three full companies from the Fire Hawks chapter. In a crusade lasting 89 years that reduced the Heralds of Devastation's numbers to less than 250 marines, the Orks were removed entirely from all surrounding systems, not a single spore remained. With their homeworld once again in their care, The Heralds of Devastation set about the arduous task of rebuilding the chapter under Grand Master Baelthan's command.

It was in the year of 749.M41, that disaster befell the Scrillax system, again. This time there would be no reclaiming their home world, or system. Both were wiped from existence by a new threat to the galaxy, the Tyranid Hive Fleet later designated Behemoth. The Heralds of Devastation were almost wiped from history for a second time, struggling to fight an unknown enemy. Making an unpopular decision, Grand Master Decius, the third Grand Master in as many weeks, commanded the remaining 147 marines to cut and run for Macragge and warn the Imperium at large. Again, betrayed by the warp, The Heralds of Devastation did not arrive until the Ultramarines had already won Macragge and defeated Behemoth.

Since the second loss of their homeworld The Heralds of Devastation have become a fleet-based Chapter. They constantly patrol the Imperium's border along the Eastern Fringe, in their experience it is where they are needed most. They are in almost constant warfare with the Tau, ranging from small skirmishes to all out conflicts.


I like this section. However, I would increase the surviving number of Marines to over 300-400. The Crimson Fists survived with 200 and they were considered crazy to even try and rebuild. 300-400 would be a better number for the Chapter to rebuild from. I like the way you show their bad luck and its not over powered, or crazy, but is well within the universe.


Training and Recruitment

The methods of recruitment and training used by The Heralds of Devastation are a closely guarded secret, known to none besides Supreme Grand Master Azrael, Lord of the Unforgiven Chapters, and perhaps Ezekial, Keeper of Secrets. The practice of Replicae is a hidden and disliked technology most of the Imperium would like forgotten. Rather than clone the complexity of a fully mature space marine, The Heralds of Devastation clone human male children. The Heralds have several facilities located on or near Imperial Death Worlds along the Eastern Fringe where clones are vat-grown to a comparable age of 5yrs old. From the moment they are 'born' they are trained to be space marines, by space marines in the most arduous of conditions, on the most terrifying worlds The Heralds can find. They are psycho-indoctrinated into the Chapters history and beliefs, they are trained to fight in both armed and unarmed combat. They endure 5yrs of arduous and life ending training and chapter education before they are ready for the implantation process to begin. Although clones of even beginnings, many fail and as little as 10% proceed to the implantation stage. All clones are known by a number designation until graduation from the Scout Company, when they gain the right to wear Power Armour, they given the right to choose for themselves a name from the chapters book of heros.

Stemming from this unique training and recruitment practice, is two significant deviances from the organisation and beliefs of their parent chapter, The Dark Angels. The first concerns when a marine first learns of The Unforgiven's shame. Due to the early age, and much stronger indoctrination, it is at the rank of Sergeant (excluding unsanctioned field promotions) that a marine first learns about the Legions legacy and his role in restoring it's honour. The second is due to the necessity of keeping their recruitment process secret, none may show their face to any outside the chapter, only the Grand Master bares that right. To this end all marines wear full-face balaclava's beneath their helms at all times should combat necessitate the removal of their helm.


Normally, I dislike cloned Marines, but this is actually a lot better than most. While not 100% sold on it, and I will suggest that you change to normal recruitment methods, it I your Chapter so if you want to keep it, go for it. The only thing I will point out is that the surgery cannot go ahead until at least 12 years of age, therefore there is no need to tell them of the secret earlier than other Unforgiven Chapters.

Now lets look at cloning, where do the new recruits come from? Do they live shorter lives? Are they weaker than normal Astartes? What are the downfalls of cloning? What does Azrael think of the cloning? And: would you be excommunicated for this? Like I said, Cloning raises issues that could be avoided with an aggressive recruitment policy. Why not have a larger number of serfs and their children are trained from birth? This is how many fleet based chapters recruit, so, again, the early age to start training is not unique.


Combat Doctrine

The Heralds of Devastation make use of both the Deathwing and Ravenwing formations, but not as two companies but one, The XXXXXwing. This tradition started after the reclaimation of their original homeworld, when Grand Master Baelthan chose his successors to the 1st and 2nd companies. In a situation that has yet to repeat itself, the cloning process, once, one time, created twins, two clones within the one vat. Why the Apothecarion allowed this anomaly to continue is unknown, but had they been terminated, two of the chapters greatest warriors would never have existed. The two brothers couldn't have been more different, which made them unique in an army of clones. The first, larger than most, Brother Vespire was very deliberate in his movements and decisions, when his course of action was decided, none could stand in his path. His brother, Thorin, quick to decide, quick to act, had a natural ability to choose the best options to maximise success, with what seemed like little thought. It was during the crusade to reclaim their home system that Master Baelthan had the opportunity to witness Vespire of the 1st and Thorin of the 2nd working their squads together in several joint missions. There was total cohesion, it seemed as each knew the others thoughts and would react to each others developing situations, typically resulting in victories where defeat was almost certain. When Grand Master Baelthan named them both his successors, and reformed the two companies into the XXXXXwing, the second company was reclassified as a forth Battle Company.


No worries here, bar the cloning issue. Why not two Twin humans turned into Astartes?

Overall is a solid concept, the bad luck is nice and the one company is a nice touch. The only issue I find with it is cloning, but, like I said, its your IA and Chapter. Ive offered my thoughts on it and my alternatives, ill let you make up your mind and leave it here.

Edited by Brother-Sergeant Bohemond, 22 May 2012 - 12:06 AM.


#16
Grotsmasha

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I like this, except I see no need to shroud the Founding in this much mystery, I feel it does not add much overall. I would suggest you change this to something along the lines that the HoD are recorded as a 23rd Founding DA successor, however combat list them in combat long before the 23rd Founding. The a brief comment about speculation but there is no definite and only the SGM and the GM themselves know the truth of the matter.


It was always my intent to flesh this out later, but;
So having thought a little about this, lets see what you think. Following the turmoil and unbalance of the Age of Apostasy, the Heralds of Devastation's Inner Circle decided to approach Sebastian Thor for a sample of his DNA that they make a new clone template. While the Heralds are en route to Terra, Thor dies, has his funeral and is preserved/entombed. The Heralds go for it anyway make major boo-boo and get caught and are accused of stealing his head. :P So as punishment all honours and records are stripped from them and their history deleted with them being sent beyond the fringe in a Penitent Crusade.


I like this section. However, I would increase the surviving number of Marines to over 300-400. The Crimson Fists survived with 200 and they were considered crazy to even try and rebuild. 300-400 would be a better number for the Chapter to rebuild from. I like the way you show their bad luck and its not over powered, or crazy, but is well within the universe.


The first time, that numbers about right, but the second time the number is pretty low, but with cloning tech and their geneseed to task of rebuilding is hard, but not as arduous as it would be for a chapter that recruits traditionally.


Normally, I dislike cloned Marines, but this is actually a lot better than most. While not 100% sold on it, and I will suggest that you change to normal recruitment methods, it I your Chapter so if you want to keep it, go for it. The only thing I will point out is that the surgery cannot go ahead until at least 12 years of age, therefore there is no need to tell them of the secret earlier than other Unforgiven Chapters.

Now lets look at cloning, where do the new recruits come from? Do they live shorter lives? Are they weaker than normal Astartes? What are the downfalls of cloning? What does Azrael think of the cloning? And: would you be excommunicated for this? Like I said, Cloning raises issues that could be avoided with an aggressive recruitment policy. Why not have a larger number of serfs and their children are trained from birth? This is how many fleet based chapters recruit, so, again, the early age to start training is not unique.


I'm fairly set on keeping the cloning, but I'm happy to try convince you.
In chapters that recruit from their serfs, those children will still have had experience of humanity, their parents morals, beliefs etc. As clones, I wanted no experience of humanity, I'm going to make them a brutal, WAAC chapter, who despise the weakness of humanity.

Typically children are recruited at 10-12yrs old and by 20ish are hitting the scouts with all their implants, leaving about 50% of their life experience with SM's. The clones are 100% chapter property and experience, hence the extra trust and early knowledge of the fallen and the hunt.

Cheers,
Jono

Edited by Grotsmasha, 25 May 2012 - 02:06 PM.


#17
Brother-Sergeant Bohemond

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fair enough on the cloning. However, as for Sebastian Thor, I do not like mucking around with existing or historical characters overly much (breaks the suspension of disbelief for the reader, not saying you can't do it).

I see no reason why that would lead to a stripping of Honours and not outright excommunication. Remember, cloning Astartes is frowned on throughout the Imperium, even approaching that Puritan could lead to your demise...(At least, I believe it is)

I would just leave it vague and undefined, leave a sense of mystery, as is fine for an Unforgiven Chapter :tu: