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Celestial Tigers


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Armond

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Index Astartes

The Celestial Tigers

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Known as a staunch and loyal guardian to those under their protection, the Celestial Tigers have earned a reputation of being a benevolent and righteous ally to those faithful to the Imperium. To their enemies, they are viewed as being merciless and stalwart foes on the fields of battle. They believe it is their duty, with the strength bestowed upon them by the Emperor, to defend those who have not the means to do so themselves.

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Origins

I
n the early 40th millennium the planets nearest the Halo Zone of the Segmentum Pacificus were constantly threatened by the appearance of high levels of Orks. To bolster the strength of Imperial forces in the area and to maintain security for the resource rich planets, the Celestial Tigers were founded. White Scars gene-seed was decided upon by the Lords of Terra for use in their creation. Their first Chapter Master, Mhutai Khan, was chosen to bring his vast experience and tactical knowledge of combating Orks to the newly founded Chapter.

The arrival of Mhutai Khan and his retinue to the surface of Jiggu was met with a dignity and calm that impressed the Astartes to no end. Reactions when civilizations first come into contact with Astartes typically vary from borderline hysteria to undignified obeisance, and to see such a controlled reaction spoke highly of the discipline instilled in the people of Jiggu. The inhabitants of Jiggu were viewed to be excellent candidates as recruits and the land optimal as training grounds for the newly created Chapter.

Though a relatively young Chapter, the Celestial Tigers have carried themselves with integrity and honor since their inauguration.

Home World

T
he Celestial Tigers hail from the world of Jiggu, located in the western sector of the Segmentum Pacificus near the Halo Zone. Threat of Xenos in that area, especially Orks (Jakart and Adrantis V being no more than 1,400 light-years away) made the creation of the Celestial Tigers a priority in up keeping the security of the Imperium in the area. The resources on the moon named Dal that circles Jiggu also required protection as well as being harvested for the Imperium; their destination is the Forge World of Urdesh in the southeastern sector of Segmentum Pacificus. The Celestial Tigers provide both sector security and transit security for materials harvested.

The population of Jiggu numbers close to 4.1 Billion. It is considered sparsely populated in respect to landmass, although numbers swell as you travel towards towns and cities. The world is made up of three main continents; in order of size they are Mikan, Hanguk, and Nihon. There are small islands spread throughout the world at varying locales, and most are uninhabited. The continents are located in temperate zones of the world and so the people enjoy varying seasons with no extremes in temperature.

Jiggu is orbited by one large moon named Dal, which happens to be heavily laden with adamantium, a key component in the production of Terminator Armor and Imperial Titans. Being so large and having a strong gravitational pull, it is the reason for the violent waves and storms that are common on Jiggu. The Celestial Tigers have established a small moon base, The Forever Vigilant on Dal. They keep two companies based there at all times. It is done on a rotation, and every company is required to hold the post with the exception of the 1st Company. One company posted is required to maintain lunar security, while the second is tasked with transit security to Urdesh.

The White Horangi
In the mountains and forests of Jiggu dwell a creature of sacred meaning to the Hanguk. The mysterious White Horangi, or Tiger in low Gothic, is a majestic and powerful beast. To see one is to witness the ruler of his realm in all its majesty.

With tail length included, the beast measures four meters in length. It possesses large canines, resembling those of prehistoric cats of old from Terra, measuring up to 40cm long. Sheathed within its large paws are curved claws measuring upwards of 10cm long. It is covered in a coat of white and has faint gray stripes covering its body. The eyes are of a glittering gold color and hold a wisdom all of their own.

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It is said a White Horangi will live for centuries and legend tells that there is only ever one in existence at a time. In the beliefs of the Hanguk, centuries past, it was a sign that a rightful ruler sat upon the throne of the kingdom if someone caught a glimpse of one. In present times, the sighting of one is a sign of good fortune to the witness. It is also a known to be the honorable guardian of the moon that circles Jiggu. Of course this is all unfounded and probably has more to do with the fact that it is an extremely rare occurrence to see one. They make no sound and do their best to not be seen.

It is with this knowledge that Mhutai Khan derived the Chapter name. It would also be used as the name chosen for the Chapter Master's Honor Guard.

Mikan and Hanguk are in close proximity to one another, with only the Strait of Yalbeun (which connects the Taitan Ocean to the Keun Ocean) separating them by a mere 17 kilometers. The Strait has been the center of centuries of conflict between the inhabitants of both lands. Whoever controls the strait, controls access to both oceans and their bountiful resources. Nihon is located several thousand kilometers to the southeast of Hanguk and is home to inhabitants who raid the southern coasts of Mikan and Hanguk. Violent waves originating from the oceans crash against the shores of all continents, and it is not uncommon for tsunamis to occur throughout the year. Having to rebuild their devastated towns at any given time period has given way to a resiliency in the populations throughout.

All three of the main continents are covered in dense forests and jungles which are inhabited by various natural predators and their prey. Large mountain ranges reach across the continents, and vary in elevation, peaking at nearly 9,000 meters.

Careful examination of the cultures revealed that each of the three separate continents made war in different manners, but all were ultimately driven towards hand-to-hand of some form. This influenced Mhutai Khan into adopting a combination of lightning-fast engagement and savage but skillful hand-to-hand combat into their combat doctrine.

The most intriguing of the three for Mhutai Kahn were the people of Hanguk, who recruited young men from an early age to begin training in diplomacy, tactics, philosophy(especially the teachings of the great monk Gwarang), and their own sacred martial art (Hwarangdo) as potential leaders. The groups of young men and boys were called the Hwarang (Flowering Knights to reflect their constant state of learning) and history of Hanguk shows that members of this group made the most effective and successful leaders. In fact, it would be noted that the majority of Captains and Sergeants had been of the Hwarang prior to their trials as successful aspirants. The term Hwarang would later be used as an honorific for the members of the Terminator Squads of the 1st Company.

The people of Jiggu vary slightly from continent to continent, but there are many shared traits. Although short of stature, the majorities are of athletic build and possess high levels of endurance. The various cultures of Jiggu all venerate martial prowess, and honor the warriors of their civilizations. Skin color varies from a tawny hue, for those who spend their lives working the grain fields, to unblemished ivory, for those of nobility. The people of Jiggu, although varying in culture from continent to continent, were introduced to martial arts at an early age and practiced throughout their lifetime. Their pointed emphasis on honor and loyalty were also added as being another undeniably positive trait for recruitment.

Initial talks with the natives of Jiggu were difficult, but the mental agility of Mhutai Khan allowed for communication to flow quickly once his grasp of the native language increased.

The ideals of the Imperium of Man and the combined cultures of Jiggu proved to be in alignment and so the task of bringing them into the fold of the Emperor was not an arduous one. Only one request was made from the native people, and that was to allow the people to maintain their current way of life. Although the requirements of a local PDF had to be met, there was no other significant change to the culture.

Mhutai Khan agreed to the request based on several grounds; their way of life produced a prime pool of candidates from which aspirants could be chosen, much of what they practiced had no conflict with the teachings of the Imperium, and the main reason for presence in the sector was the material rich moon. All males have a requirement to serve in the local military, which has made the creation of a PDF a particularly easy transition.

All members of the Celestial Tigers are encouraged by their leadership to interact with the inhabitants of Jiggu when given an opportunity. This requirement bolsters the relationship between the Chapter members and the natives of Jiggu resulting in increased quality of potential aspirants and recruits for the PDF. Maintaining this relationship built on mutual respect and sharing the same loyalties have only increased the bond over time. This has also paved way for the Celestial Tigers to maintain their humanity. There have been no reports of heretics of any kind to present date and it is believed that this is largely in part due to the magnanimity shown the inhabitants of Jiggu.

The highest point on Jiggu, Gangpokhan, sits on the continent of Hanguk. It is the location the Chapter has chosen as their base of operations. The fortress monastery, referred to as The Sanctuary of the Horangi is integrated into the base of the mountain, which provides a natural form of protection from orbital bombardment. It was personally designed by First Gukseon Mhutai Khan, and integrated the style of the culture of the Hanguk in its appearance. Recruits are escorted to The Sanctuary of the Horangi where the trials to become aspirants begins. It is an expansive structure that spans the entire length and width of the mountain base.

Beliefs

”The people of this world trust us, and so to forsake our sacred vows of guardianship and to leave them to suffer at the hands of the enemies of the Imperium would strip us of all we hold foremost in our beliefs.”
-Gukseon Yushin


T
he Celestial Tigers believe first and foremost that the protection of the Imperium of Man is of the utmost importance. This would in turn mean the protection of its people is a sacred duty and is to be pursued with alacrity. The Imperium of Man can only be as righteous as the people who occupy it. Loyalty, Courage, and Wisdom are all characteristics ingrained into the brothers of the Chapter during their intensive training.

Teachings of Gwarang
The great monk, Gwarang, passed on teachings to the earliest of members of the Hwarang when they approached him with pleas for wisdom. Although his teachings were many, his main teachings were named the Five Commandments to a Secular Life.

Five Commandments to a Secular Life
1. Loyalty to one’s Lord is foremost
2. Obey and respect your Superiors
3. Trust among Brothers is paramount
4. Retreat is an unforgivable sin
5. Never take a life without just cause

These commandments were laid down as required learning. All aspirants must understand and put into practice these teachings. No matter the spiritual beliefs of your culture, these tenets are inviolable and are a key component to becoming a Brother in the Celestial Tigers Chapter.


The Chapter believes in humane treatment of all under the protection of the Emperor of Mankind and so have a reputation of being magnanimous and honorable to a fault. Honor as a whole has been found in short supply and the Astartes, as viewed by the Celestial Tigers, should never be found wanting in that regard. In that same vein, the very idea of retreat has no place in the minds of a brother of the Chapter. Such an action is rewarded with the Chapter's most severe of punishments.

Self-sacrifice is not uncommon, and has been a hallmark of their involvement since their first battles for the Imperium and has led to victories which otherwise may never have occurred. The natives of the planets that fall under the protection of the Celestial Tigers adore their guardians, and their arrival is always welcomed with celebrations across the lands. At times this philanthropic mindset has put them at odds with members of other Chapters who feel that their methods could prove detrimental to some battlefield strategies. Combined with their ideals on warfare, their magnanimity has causes strife with a select number of Chapters. There is a documented incident with a force of Death Eagles where members of both sides exchanged heated words and nearly came to blows over the rules of engagement.

The Death Eagles claimed the Celestial Tigers too narrow-minded and should use whatever strategy necessary including stealth, while the Celestial Tigers maintained that using the shadows as a point to strike from is less than honorable and would bring shame to their Chapter. The end result was a deployment placing the quarreling Chapters on opposite ends of the field of battle. Gukseon Yushin expressed the Chapter's view on the Death Eagles in a statement recorded after the battle.



”I honor the Death Eagles for their contributions to the Emperor's cause and their continued fight against the enemies of the Imperium, however I find their method of warfare, which focuses on stealth and retreat, leaves an abominate taste upon my tongue.”
-Gukseon Yushin


All brothers, from the lowest aspirant to the esteemed Chapter Master, of the Chapter are in a constant state of learning. There is always an aspect of their existence that can be improved upon or examined. It is not uncommon for members of the Celestial Tigers to engage in discussion of ideals and tactics with the leaders of a world under their protection.

The high levels of antipathy the Celestial Tigers have towards the Orks and other Xenos has led to cooperation between the Chapter and members of the Inquisition on several occasions. The Celestial Tigers have also seconded battle-brothers to the Deathwatch at the request of the Inquisition by virtue of their experience battling Xenos.



Combat Doctrine

Horangi Honor Guard
The title of Horangi is reserved for the personal bodyguard of the Gukseon. Their duty is to safeguard their beloved Chapter Master even if it should require the sacrifice of their own lives. To be given the opportunity to serve in this position requires the endorsement of the Gukseon himself, as well as those of the current Horangi. There are only ever ten Horangi in service at any given time.

The armor of a Horangi differs in that it is painted in the colors more closely related to their namesake. Gleaming white, combined with light grey accents, and blood red lenses make up their scheme. All members are armed with lightning claws giving them a fearsome appearance as well as lethal close-combat capability like their namesake. Just as the White Horangi is said to be the moon's guardian, the Honor Guard perform the same function for their beloved Gukseon.


T
he Celestial Tigers follow doctrine based upon an effective combination of fast attack and assault precision. The initial desired effect is shock and awe while the desired end effect is that of the opposition being decimated. They have a Chapter practice of closing with the enemy to face them in hand-to-hand combat and brutalize their opposition if given the choice. The use of ranged weapons is not disregarded, preference just happens to be chainsword over bolter. Should the enemy brandish their own hand-to-hand weaponry, the Celestial Tigers are honor-bound to do the same.

Their views on battle have led to few long range specialist troops in their Chapter, this also has been applied to what vehicles they utilize.

Stealth techniques and sniper techniques are frowned down upon by all brothers and are viewed as a cowardly way to wage war. It is believed by the Chapter that to end an enemy's life while they are unaware of your presence invites the same fate upon you. It is better to see death coming and face it head on.

Troops are thrust into combat via any method that would allow them to quickly engage with the enemy. Typical strategy includes engaging the enemy at short range with massed bolter fire after delivery from transport. The distance between the Celestial Tigers and their foe is the covered at an alarmingly fast pace. Once within appropriate distance, combat blades and the like are employed to engage in the contest of arms.

Hwarangdo is the art practiced by the Hwarang, elite leaders of the people of Hanguk, and has been integrated into the Celestial Tigers’ training. The art is broken into two areas of training: unarmed combat as well as armed combat focusing only on a small number of weapons. Unarmed combat is composed of throws, joint locks and breaks, and submission techniques; but the use of these techniques by Astartes will in the majority of cases result in fatality. Armed combat as taught to the Astartes, focuses on the use of swords, which allows most of the techniques to be easily related to the use of chainswords and other like weapons employed by them.


Organization

T
he Celestial Tigers deviate from organizational charts put down in the Codex Astartes. They employ only a single devastator squad per company and no snipers in the scout squads. Sniper rifles are viewed as weapons to be used by cowards. Few Dreadnoughts (no more than two per Company) are integrated into the Chapter. Typically Dreadnoughts are delivered into battle via drop pod and add to the shock factor.

The use of Assault Bikes and Attack Bikes are found in every Company, as well as Rhinos and Razorbacks (minus the 10th Company). All of these platforms enable the brothers of the Celestial Lions to close quickly with the enemy. Assault Squads are in higher numbers as well.

The following shows that the Celestial Tigers employ six total Battle Companies and two total Reserve Companies.

2nd through 7th Company Celestial Tigers Company Organization of Squads
-4 Tactical Squads
-3 Assault Squads
-2 Bike Squads
-1 Devastator Squad

8th and 9th Company Celestial Tigers Company Organization of Squads
-5 Tactical Squads
-2 Assault Squads
-2 Bike Squads
-1 Devastator Squad

The Celestial Tigers still use the 1st Company as the Veteran Company and 10th Company as the Scout Company as per Codex Astartes.


Gene-seed
T
he chapter's Gene-seed is stable but members are known for a high level of savagery when pitted against their foes. There are no known mutations and the Apothecaries are on constant watch for any such changes. To date there has been no such occurrence.


Battle-cry
”For the Gukseon! For the Emperor!”


Celestial Tigers Timeline

Beginnings of a Chapter - 172.M40 the recruitment for the Celestial Tigers was carried out with much success. Chapter Master Mhutai Khan was a key component to the decision that the inhabitants of Jiggu would be excellent candidates as recruits and the land optimal as training grounds for the Chapter. The people of Jiggu, although varying in culture from continent to continent, were introduced to martial arts at an early age and practiced throughout their lifetime. Their pointed emphasis on philosophy and tactics were also added as being another undeniably positive trait for recruitment.

Careful examination of the cultures revealed that each of the three separate continents made war in different manners, but all were ultimately driven towards hand-to-hand of some form. This pushed Mhutai Khan to adapt a combination of lightning-fast engagement with savage but skillful hand-to-hand combat in their combat doctrine

The most intriguing of the three for Mhutai Kahn were the people of Hanguk, who recruited young men from an early age to begin training in diplomacy, tactics, philosophy(especially the teachings of the great monk Gwarang), and their own sacred martial art (Hwarangdo) as potential leaders. The groups of young men and boys were called the Hwarang (Flowering Knights to reflect their constant state of learning) and history of Hanguk shows that members of this group made the most effective and successful leaders. In fact, it would be noted that the majority of Captains and Sergeants had been of the Hwarang prior to their trials as successful aspirants.

The term Hwarang would later be used as an honorific for the elite bodyguard, a squad composed of Terminators, to the Gukseon.

Celestial Tigers at Full Strength - 221.M40 marked the completion of the founding of the Chapter. All one thousand allotted positions were occupied and the Celestial Tigers were ready to serve the Emperor’s cause. The occasion was marked with attendance by a full Company of White Scars to do honor to the accomplishment of Mhutai Khan and all who supported the endeavor.

The Battle Barge Yi The Great and nine Strike Cruisers(The Shining Moon, The Masterful Daemun, The Valiant Rhee, The Blazing Yeung, The Dutiful Hoon, The Enlightened Sage, The Zealous Wan, The Impetuous Taejo, and The Gaero Exemplar) was gifted by the Adeptus Mechanicus for the founding and in anticipation of tithes to be received from harvesting the material rich moon, Dal. A full complement of Terminator suits were also given over, and would soon be donned by the elite members of the First Company, the Hwarang.

Death of the Khan582.M40 Gukseon Mhutai Khan gave his life in the defense of Jiggu in a final stand. His actions bought the rest of his companies enough time to eliminate the Ork Warboss, Snagga Gutrippa and thus effectively rendering the Ork Waaagh leaderless. The Orks were then routed and effectively defeated.

With the death of their Chapter Master, the mantle of leadership fell to Captain Yushin of the First Company and captaincy of the First was given to Brother Alcheon. Having been trained by Mhutai Khan since the Chapter's creation, and being an established and trusted leader for over a three centuries, it was a fitting move. He had fought alongside his liege throughout, as is the honor of the First Company, and so all the wisdom Mhutai Khan was absorbed by his earliest pupil. Since his elevation to Gukseon, Yushin has led the Celestial Tigers on victory after victory, until 739.M40.

Night Lords - 739.M40 This was marked as a time darker than any other to befall the Celestial Tigers. Communication links with the 4th Company, who was currently tasked with transport security for the harvested materials from Dal (material rich moon of Jiggu), was lost. Homing beacons showed that the escort ship in use was still en route to its destination. When within hailing range of Urdesh, no reply was given. Ships were sent out to investigate and provide escort for both the materials transport and security ships. Visual of the ships was made, and upon closer inspection it was apparent that both vessels sustained attacks.

Investigation of the ships led to the discovery that a brutal attack had occurred and all materials were plundered. Not a living soul was found on board the transport and remnants of body parts along with blood were found throughout. On the main bridge of the ship the remains of the command were found lashed to their posts with cabling from their own instruments. Their bodies indicated an agonizing death.

Logs were reviewed and a power failure of over ten minutes was noted in the ship's logs. A vox message was received shortly after the initial failure, and the words "Ave Dominus Nox!" rang out as the only words spoken. It is safe to assume that some splinter of the traitorous Eighth Legion was the source of attack.

On the Strike Cruiser manned by the Celestial Tigers 4th Company, named The Valiant Rhee, the scene was equally horrific. It was obvious that resistance was much higher here, and that was to be expected. There were no Astartes onboard the transport ship and so any resistance towards the raiders was minimal at best. The Valiant Rhee was scoured from top to bottom, and little if any sign of Astartes were found. There was an occasional piece of armor or weapon found, and any bodies recovered revealed that the progenoid glands had all been removed. But upon searching the lower deck\'s armory, a heroic scene was uncovered. Spread throughout, bodies littered the floors. A mixture of Celestial Tigers and Night Lords were found fallen from a fierce battle. No bodies had been looted and all remained intact, as much as could be after such brutal fighting. At the center of the scene was the body of Sergeant Wonsul of the 2nd Squad with no less than seven Night Lords counted as fallen to his efforts.

Inquiry showed that Sergeant Wonsul had not died in the attack but had gone into suspended animation thanks to the Sus-an Membrane after the extreme trauma his body had endured. For his valiant efforts he has been given the honor of serving his Chapter again as Brother Wonsul, an Ironclad Dreadnought. He still serves the 2nd Company as an inspiration, and is often referred to when in need of a paradigm of Chapter values. Brother Wonsul\'s account, which is heard by all new members of the 2nd, reminds his brothers of the debt to be repaid for the loss of their fallen brethren to the Night Lords.


Greenskin Encounter - 782.M40 an incoming Ork force was detected entering the Halo Zone by perimeter. Trajectory projection showed the invading force was to be headed towards the planet Opimae, an Agri-World in the area of protection of the Chapter. Gukseon Yushin declared that no greenskin would land on Opimae and that the Orks would be annihilated in the void.

The Celestial Tigers’ main Battle Barge, Yi The Great, was dispatched with six full companies of battle-brothers(the 7th and 8th Companies were tasked with Celestial and transport security respectively, the 9th was on a separate mission, while the 10th was conducting Scout training) along with the two Strike Cruisers; The Shining Moon and The Masterful Daemun. The course of action was to be a boarding action taken against the three incoming Ork Terror Ships and their escorts. The choice to conduct a boarding action was made to give the 4th Company a chance to blood themselves after their devastating losses less than a century before. The hunger for battle was palpable, and the blood of the 4th was up to bring havoc to the enemy.

The 1st and 4th Company would board the lead Terror Ship, while the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, and 6th would bring about destruction of the other two Terror Ships. Standard action was taken and all escort ships were eliminated and all significant threats to the Astartes ships were neutralized. Swift boarding actions were initiated and all Ork Terror Ships were boarded in impressive time. The enemy on board was engaged and eliminated mercilessly in the battle that ensued. It was said that Brother Wonsul held a kill tally of one shy of two score in this engagement. His fury was said to be magnificent to behold and his actions drove his fellow brothers to their own feats of glory. Minimal losses were sustained while maximum devastation was inflicted. All bodies of brethren fallen in combat were recovered and given Chapter honors for their actions in battle. Once all was recovered, the Ork Terror Ships were scuttled and no Xenos presence had come within threatening distance of Opimae.

The Inquisition - 901.M40 the Celestial Tigers committed two full squads(Tactical Squad Myoung and Assault Squad Tang) from the 5th Company, who was on transit security detail, to assist Inquisitor Zalleus Royce of the Ordo Hereticus with the investigation of a possible threat of heresy on the planet of Tarnagua. The beginnings of a cult of Slaanesh was found and promptly exterminated. The leader was a heretic by the name of Xalar the Sense-Ridden. Over two hundred members of the cult were rooted out summarily executed with no fatalities suffered by the Celestial Tigers.

A member of Tactical Squad Myoung, Brother Sergeant Fong, was designated as mission leader for the Astartes. He earned personal praise for his tactical acumen and the decisions made under fire which resulted in a citation awarded by Ordo Hereticus. Inquisitor Zalleus lauded the resolve and conviction all members put forth throughout the investigation in his personal account to his superiors. The relationship between the Celestial Tigers and the Ordo Hereticus is noted to be favorable.

Yushin's Last Stand - 007.M41 marks the fall of Gukseon Yushin to the forces of a Chaos fleet, controlled by Papulaes the Plague, that had been detected near the dead world M'kar in the Halo Zone. To prevent the threat from reaching any Imperial worlds and corrupting them, the Celestial Tigers' fleet in orbit around Jiggu was called together. Once warp transition had been made, contact with the enemy fleet was immediate. The Celestial Tigers were outnumbered two to one, but retreat was not an option.

Chapter Master Yushin fell while leading an assault, alongside his famed Hwarang, on the enemy's flagship. Yushin had asked that all members of his Hwarang accompany him in a risky boarding which would more than likely take their lives. To a man, the entirety of his Hwarang agreed with the only objection being made by First Company Captain, Alcheon. Fearing the loss of his master, he voiced his concern, but honored his Gukseon's wishes once Yushin made it evident he intended to lead them.

Gukseon Yushin and the Hwarang teleported onto the command deck of the Scabrous Beast, a Chaos Heavy Cruiser, and effectively decimated the opposition. However, several of the Hwarang and Yushin himself fell in the fierce melee that took place. When the data from all the Terminator suits were combed it was shown that Gukseon Yushin, a warrior with over four centuries of experience and a master of combat, felled the Chaos Lord\'s Champion in the first moments of combat. He also brought low several Chaos Marines onboard and their cursed crew. But his demise was eventually brought about by the Papulaes and the daemons he summoned. Although able to end the existence of the Chaos worshipper, his life was forfeit in the exchange. All bodies were recovered thanks to the teleport homers installed in all of the members Terminator suits.

Although victory was claimed, the loss of their Gukseon was felt Chapterwide, and a period of mourning followed. The entire Chapter had the trim of their right pauldron painted black for the rest of the year.

The Anniversary - 221.M41 on their Chapter's homeworld of Jiggu, a celebration was held in rememberance of the founding of the Chapter. It had been a millenium ago that the Celestial Tigers were first established. All ten Companies were present at full strength and in full ceremonial regalia.

The Adeptus Mechanicus bestowed the newly built Battle Barge, to be named Pride of Mhutai, as a gift for a thousand years of continual relations. There is also need to mention the Chapter's continuous flow of materials which may have played a part in the gifting of a newly built Battle Barge.

Gukseon Junjeong chose the name Pride of Mhutai to honor the Celestial Tigers' first Chapter Master.

Purging of Selion - 392.M41 Lord-Chaplain Daesun was the most senior Chaplain within the Chapter, and served alongside the Chapter Master as part of his senior officer staff for nearly three centuries. He was the senior-most Chaplain of the Celestial Tigers and close friend of Gukseon Junjeong. His fall at the Purging of Sileon Tertiary impacted the Chapter greatly.

Chaplain Daesun was visiting the Dal moon base, The Forever Vigilant, to deliver a sermon to the 6th Company who were on rotation. A distress call was received from the world of Sileon Tertiary, which falls under the area of responsibility of the Celestial Tigers, stating that the world was under attack by Orks and .

The planet of Sileon Tertiary skirts the edge of the Halo Zone, and is defended by the PDF, assigned Imperial Guard units and some orbital defenses. Serving as the first line of defense against any invaders, its purpose is to warn the Imperium of any incoming attacks from their sector.

Once the distress call was received, Chaplain Daesun ordered the dispatch of half of the 6th Company and the half of the 10th Company, refusing to leave the home world completely unguarded. The 6th and 10th Company was the closest Astartes force to Sileon Tertiary, as the rest of the Chapter was mission committed, and was honor bound to provide aid. A request for assistance was broadcast to nearby Imperial relay stations. Once all members of the assembled strike force were aboard the 6th Company's Strike Cruiser, The Dutiful Hoon, they departed with haste. It was unknown how long ago the message was sent and so immediate action was required.

Once translation into real space was made, contact with the surface was attempted. Return messages were received by the ship's vox receivers and indicated resistance was still in existence but was dwindling.

Utilizing drop pods, the force was delivered to the surface as soon as they were within appropriate distance. Scanners indicated a heavy saturation of Orks surrounding the most Capital city, where the last bastion of resistance was holed up. The drop pod's guidance system was set to land in a concentrated formation amidst the Ork horde nearest the city. The objective was to link up with the resistance and hold out until reinforcements arrived. The lives of the inhabitants were paramount and so action was to make immediate contact and provide aid.

Drop pods struck the surface and over one hundred brothers were disgorged. Bolter fire filled the air, reaping a savage toll on the surprised greenskins. Amidst the chatter of weapons fire, the words of Chaplain Daesun could be heard proclaiming the superiority of the Imperium over the Xenos invaders and encouraging the strike force to make for the lightly defended ramparts of the capital city.

The push towards the survivors went unimpeded due to the greenskins incapability to adjust to the opposing force that was thrust into the conflict. No resistance by the Orks was noticeable until the last hundred meters to the defended gates. The remaining PDF and Imperial Guard unit increased their efforts and put forth a staggering amount of fire from the walls, which unfortunately was the end of their supply. The ad hoc leader, Captain Moleen, met Lord-Chaplain Daesun at the gates with a look of relief. He relayed the status of forces within the city, which numbered less than a thousand, and informed the Chaplain that there was very little likelihood of any survivors outside the stronghold.

Chaplain Daesun proclaimed that assistance had arrived and to maintain their faith in the Imperium and its servants.

What followed was two full days of constant fighting. Ammunition was exhausted at the end of the first day, and yet there was no end to the horde of greenskins. All the battle brothers of the Chapter had to transition to the use of chainswords and combat blades from then on. The fighting was intense throughout, but was at its height wherever Chaplain Daesun was, his magnificent crozius felling the brutes with every stroke. His proclamations and words gave rise to heightened levels of resistance by the dwindling survivors. That was when he fell, brought low by the combined efforts of a unit of Killa Kans.

The demise of Lord-Chaplain Daesun put the remaining Celestial Tigers into frenzy, filling them with zeal. The fighting continued, and in the darkness of the night the telltale indications of drop pod insertion could be seen in the night's sky. Reinforcements had finally arrived in the form of the 2nd and 3rd company of the Celestial Tigers as well as a company from the Salamander's Chapter who were in the locale searching for a relic of some sort. The overwhelming amount of support proved too much for the Orks, and their end was quickly met.

Survivors included nearly three hundred members of the remnants of the PDF and Imperial Guard unit and citizens; one third of the 6th Company and less than a fifth of the 10th Company of Celestial Tigers; and nearly the entirety of the reinforcements.

The loss of such a large number of brothers required several decades to recover from and the impact that the loss of Lord Chaplain Daesun had on Gukseon Junjeong as well as the Chapter was immense.

Vengeance - 403.M41 the Celestial Tigers would mount an attack on a Night Lords force that was in sector and was on the surface of Tilageal attempting to acquire resources which included ammunition, weapons, and slaves. Information sent via astropath was provided by a Rogue Traderand showed that the raiders had a cruiser at high anchor above the planet.

The force dispatched the Pride of Mhutai, The Valiant Rhee, and The Blazing Yeung to provide overwhelming force. The esteemed battle barge would engage the enemy strike cruiser in void warfare while the remaining two strike cruisers would dispatch their Astartes via drop pod to the surface. The 4th and 5th Company were the chosen forces to attack the surface and mete out vengeance for the attack on The Valiant Rhee nearly four centuries prior. Brother Wonsul's fervor was palpable as he retold the atrocities the Chapter had endured on that dark day.

As the ships shifted into real space, the enemy vessel reacted. It was obvious retreating meant leaving behind an untold number of resources as well as their traitorous brethren and so the enemy cruiser attempted to maintain distance from the newly arrived force. As planned, the battle barge moved to engage while the two strike cruisers positioned themselves for drop pod insertions.

Upon landing onto the surface and extricating themselves from the pods, the Celestial Tigers were engaged by the traitor marines who were desperate to escape. The fighting was fierce, and the fiercest of it could be found wherever members of the 4th Company were. Their ire was evident in the savagery they displayed whilst making contact with the enemy. No mercy was asked or given, and the air was filled with the fine mist of blood drawn by the likes of bolter and blades. Not once were the raiders able to regain a foothold, and their destruction was absolute. Brother Wonsul's wrath was said to be that of the White Horangi's, and his animality was a marvel to witness.

The once careful movements of the enemy cruiser turned into one of desparate retreat once the other two Celestial Tigers strike cruisers moved to join the Pride of Mhutai in destroying the Night Lords' vessel. The signs of a transition into warp travel were picked up by the sensors on board the loyal Astartes vessels, and then the foe fled, leaving behind their accumulated spoils and fallen brothers.

Captain Hansu of the 4th Company gave praise to his battle brothers and dedicated the efforts and triumph over the enemy to their fallen brothers of the 4th. Over one hundred of the traitors were executed, along with the destruction of their landing crafts. Thousands of inhabitants were rescued from future slavery, and the equipment recovered was copious.

Revitalization - 422.M41 the losses suffered from the Purging of Sileon Tertiary were finally recovered from and the Chapter was restored to nearly full strength.

Cleansing of Joura - 491.M41 the Celestial Tigers dispatch the 3rd Company to aid Guard forces in the pacification of the world of Tellian Minor, located approximately 200 light years from the Imperial World of Joura. Guard forces had been unsuccessful in their attempts, and the need for a quick and decisive end to the conflict was in order.

The military leaders responsible for the rebellion quit the field once the first sightings of Astartes drop pods were seen in the night sky. With the leadership, all high level government officials, disbanded, the once organized resistance quickly fell apart. Any sign of continued uprising was quickly quelled, and the once tumultuous situation was now calmed. All leaders responsible for the upheaval were summarily executed by order of the Imperial Guard Commander and a new government was quickly established.

Investigation by Imperial officials showed the base beginnings of a cult of Chaos present. Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor Ishmael Ludo proclaims the remaining people and newly established government free of taint.

Saviors of Duskea Primus - 547.M41 first contact with the Dark Eldar is made on the planet of Duskea Primus located on the fringe of the Halo Zone. Celestial Tigers from the 6th Company arrived on the surface to determine whether the inhabitants of the planet were potential candidates for inclusion into the Imperium.

Members of the population fled in the wake of landing Thunderhawks, and barred their homes and buildings in terror. When communication was finally made after much diplomatic finesse it was evident that past experience with outsiders had proved to be detrimental. Many times a malicious force would land on the surface and appropriate members of the planet’s population to serve as slaves or sport to an alien race, the Dark Eldar.

The denizens of the planet were found to be of good character and were indeed a lost fragment of the human race. They welcomed the prospect of inclusion into the Imperium, and conversion to servants of the Emperor was effortless.

Within several Terran months, the arrival of the raiding Xenos was being anticipated. As per their usual past forays onto the planet for slaves, the Dark Eldar made their appearance. However, the presence of Astartes forces was an unexpected one, and the invaders were greeted by the howling of bolters and the whir of chainswords. Taken completely by surprised the pirates were ousted from the planet and the kill tally exceeded expectations.

The population of Duskea Primus are dedicated servants to the Imperium, and with the aid of the Celestial Tigers and newly arrived Guard forces in the sector, have established a PDF along with other planetary defenses.

Chaos Grows, Honor Besmirched - 627.M41 Captain of the 1st Company, Sejong, and an unidentified Captain of the Death Eagles Chapter come to blows after repeated insults heaped upon the Celestial Tigers for their combat doctrine. The slander came as no surprise after a previous altercation between the former Gukseon Yushin and the then Chapter Master of the Death Eagles some seven centuries prior. This bout occurred just hours prior to a unified assault on swelling Chaos forces in the Segmentum Pacificus.

It is unclear who the first to land a blow was, but once the first blows were exchanged the two parties were quickly broken apart by other Astartes forces present. An honor duel was called for by Captain Sejong and was accepted by the Death Eagles Captain. Terms were that both parties would utilize chainswords and nothing else.

It is clearly noted that Captain Sejong quickly overpowered the opposing Captain, and the issue was resolved. Once the Chaos forces were forced to flee, it was with great haste the Death Eagles vanished without word or trace.

Captain Sejong is recorded as saying, “As was expected but hoped for against, the shadow dwellers skulk away into the void stung by the failings of their Captain in the contest of arms we conducted. Had I known such a bout would breed such petulance, my request for satisfaction would never have been made. Current times require cooperation amongst us, no matter our underlying differences. The Imperium needs us, and the Emperor’s vision calls for our unity. ”

Fall of a Gukseon – 739.M41 – Gukseon Junjeong is lost while in battle with forces of Chaos on the surface of the planet Hitale, located in the Scarus Sector of the Segmentum Obscurus. The exact means by which he fell is a mystery. By all accounts made by his Horangi, he simply disappeared whilst combating a foul Chaos sorcerer. The 1st and 3rd Company were beset on all sides by all manner of servants of Chaos at the time; daemons, marines, and unknowns.

The Gukseon had pointed out the possible reason for their presence, and spearheaded the effort to destroy it. Followed by his duty bound Horangi, the lethal force scythed down the fell servants while making their way to the Chaos Sorceror. Once within striking distance of the Chaos Magus, resistance increased tenfold. The flurry of bodies and continuous melee allowed no eyes to view what happened to the honored Gukseon.

One moment he was battling the Chaos Sorceror and then they were there no longer. It was believed the two were swallowed up by some fell portal to the Warp, but that is speculation. With the disappearance of Junjeong and the leader of the Chaos forces, disorder followed. Daemons dematerialized and the remaining Chaos marines fell to squad loyalties. Had Sejong not taken control, the loss of the entire 1st and 3rd Company could have quite possibly happened. The following minutes were a battle of desperation, but ended with victory for the loyalists.

Junjeong is succeeded by Captain Sejong of the 1st Company. His elevation to Gukseon goes unopposed but the loss of the Gukseon is keen. His leadership had governed the Celestial Tigers for over seven centuries and was to be sorely missed. Gukseon Sejong’s former position is now held by Captain Lee.

Death Watch Trials and Lessons - 802.M41 the return of Veteran Sergeant Jurisan from his service with the Deathwatch led to the creation of additional training that would aid in future encounters with various Xenos species. His three decade long stint with the Inquisition was as an Assault Marine, his specialty as a Celestial Tiger.

Along with the several honors received for his time in service to the Ordo Xenos, Jurisan was effectively moved to control of the Veteran Vanguard Squad of the 1st Company and serves there to this day. It was remarked by Gukseon Sejong that “the lethality of the White Horangi mingles within his blood.”

Endevore Affair - 997.M41 members of the 7th Company, 3rd and 5th Squads of the Celestial Tigers are the first to make contact with Tyranids in the Chapter. The occurrence happens on the world of Endevore as the two squads are requested to aid Inquisitor Maxus Zhale of the Ordo Xenos in the purging of a possible Genestealer Cult on the hive world. Investigations revealed the presence of an extremely large cult which had ingrained itself amongst the population.

Efforts to destroy the Xenos were met with resistance by both a large number of the local population and the cult itself. Request for assistance was sent to the PDF to provide support in dealing with the human population while Astartes began the culling of the cult. Training received by Veteran Sergeant Jurisan proved to be invaluable. The Genestealer Cult was undermining planetary law and causing uprising throughout the hive city, but was quickly destroyed thanks in no small part to the Chapter’s extensive training in fighting Xenos.

The eradication of the cult was deemed to be “too late,” by Inquisitor Zhale, and the planet along with others in the sector were put on alert for a future Tyranid fleet arrival. The size of the cult on Endevore was said to be capable of producing an extremely powerful beacon to be homed in on and all Imperial forces in the Segmentum should be prepared for an incursion by Tyranids.

Segmentum Pacificus Threatened - 999.M41 the arrival of a small Tyranid splinter fleet was forecasted by the loss of the planet Mariuse Primary and then shortly after Mariuse Tertiary, which both had “gone black.”

All transmissions from both planets had ceased abruptly, but the final word from both was proclamation of rebellion and uprisings. Inquisitor Zhale believes that the presence of a Genestealer cult on both planets was of a high probability, but in both cases the growth of either was not halted before becoming out of control. He was led to this conclusion by the proximity of both worlds to the now cleansed planet of Endevore.

First encounter with the Tyranid force was near the planet of Hale, which lies approximately 3000 light years southeast of the Imperial World of Ultima Macharia, by an Imperial frigate which was able to transmit pict feeds and a plea for help before being overcome. It is believed the Xenos splinter fleet originates from Hivefleet Leviathan which is currently in conflict with ork forces in the Segmentum Tempestus. How this splinter fleet made it this far into Segmentum Pacificus is unknown, but it seems to reek of possible adaptation of new tactics by the Xenos invaders.

With the Tyranid force located relatively close to the homeworld of the Celestial Tigers, all forces were recalled to the moon base The Forever Vigilant on Dal with the exception of the 9th Company who had just docked at Urdesh with the latest shipment of resources.

A request for assistance was sent out to all receiving stations in the Segmentum. The Celestial Tigers, upon completion of the muster, have departed orbit of their home world Jiggu, and are currently en route to intercept the Xenos before they can make planet fall elsewhere. The 8th Company is to maintain position on the moon base and to continue requesting aid from any Imperial forces in the Segmentum as well as continuing their mission of safeguarding Jiggu and its inhabitants from any opportunistic foes.

***More to Come!***

More C&C is always welcome! Please let me know what you do and don't like! Also, I would like to include someone else's Chapter(s) in some of my timeline as a possible ally in an upcoming conflict. Let me know if interested!

Edited by Armond, 20 July 2012 - 02:47 AM.


#2
Chaplain Dosjetka

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Firstly, welcome to the Liber, Armond! I hope that you'll enjoy your time here :tu:

Secondly, I admit that I haven't read the whole IA yet (and I will whenever I get the time to), but from what I've seen, it looks quite good B)

May I just suggest that you alter your colour scheme a bit? It's a bit bright as it is now... (But that's just my opinion, so follow it only if you want to)

I'll get back to you on this soon enough B)

Ludovic

Edited by Battle-Brother Ludovic, 31 May 2012 - 05:39 AM.

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You carry the Emperor's will as your torch, with it destroy the shadows.

Accept all challenges, no matter the odds.

Suffer not the Heretic to live.

Abhor the Typo.


#3
InquisitorHayn

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Glad to see you decided to go with the Asia-inspired theme, Armond. Now, to business.

Utilizing the esteemed gene-seed of Jaghatai Khan it would seem that their use of lightning fast attack fit the disposition of their progenitor's way of war. The difference is that instead of coupling the lightning quick attacks with hit-and-run tactics like the White Scars, the Celestial Tigers attack with haste to get into vicious close combat where they excel. It is not as though they eschew ranged combat, but preference lies in hand-to-hand.

Your Origins section is at a decent starting point, but this paragraph is an example of the number one item on my IA pet peeve list. When you describe yourself to someone, do you typically say, "Compared to my parents/siblings/random familial units, I..."? No, of course you don't. That's because you're an individual who has developed beyond the base genetics and formative education in which those individuals played a part. So has your Chapter. They're not just baby White Scars anymore. Include the necessary lineage elements, but describe them as if yours is the first Chapter we've ever read about in depth. Unnecessary comparison degrades the perceived quality of your work.

The population of Jiggu numbers close to 4.1 Billion. It is considered sparsely populated in respect to landmass, although numbers swell as you travel towards towns and cities. The world is made up of three main continents; in order of size they are Chinae, Gorea, and Nippo.

It's cool, Octavulg, I'll take this one. :blink:

One of the key elements in making cultural references work is keeping it subtle. To put it as delicately as I can, I feel like you just slapped me with a brick engraved with the phrase, "Welcome to modern-day Asia!" Such blatantly obvious references to the real world don't allow the reader to easily suspend their disbelief, destroying the credibility and cool points you may have otherwise accrued.

Aside from that, your Homeworld section needs some serious tightening. I now know almost the entire history of the planet...and next to nothing about your Chapter. Don't forget why you're writing the IA. Save the extensive explanation of the homeworld for the novel, if you write one. Try and use only those facts that contribute to developing the image of your Chapter. It'll keep the reader focused and also make your IA shorter.

First draft's always the roughest, but I think you have a good potential IA here. Cheers!

Edited by InquisitorHayn, 31 May 2012 - 08:33 AM.

QUOTE (Ace Debonair @ Oct 9 2011, 10:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it's really limiting someone's creativity when we point out, for instance, that a chapter of Tau-worshipping marines who are secretly really necrons with jetpacks built into their feet kills any believability more effectively than an exterminatus to the face.



#4
Myxx

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I like the overall idea, but I must agree that some of your naming kills my suspension of disbelief. I understand the desire to use modern-day Asia as an inspiration, but simple softening the names isn't enough in my opinion. I would suggest possibly using a name that has a similar flavor or meaning without being heavy handed.

example: rather than Chinae, maybe Wu Jie (Five Kingdoms), rather than Nippo, maybe Kojima (Small Island), and instead of Gorea, Sesjjae (Third). Or something like that, just my $.02
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#5
Armond

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@Battle Brother L - Thanks for the welcome! I might alter the scheme a bit, depending on how I feel, but reds are strong in Korean culture and I love the color haha. But I will see.

@InquisitorHayn - I see where you are going with this. Names seem to have a huge impact on the affect an IA has on the readers. I see that from Myxx as well. I am definitely going to keep that in mind and make a few changes on that. Also, I had not gotten to much of the Chapter yet, I was still working on all of that, this is just what I was starting off with. Chapter elaboration is coming soon, I just need to work on a stronger set of ideas and detail them out!

@Myxx - Your words have been noted and I am going to see what I can do. Obviously I read some history, I just thought it would be nice to keep something recognizable. But I see that throwing some names unknown might add to the flavor instead of detracting!

@all - But would keeping Korean-ish names for my characters detract? I like the names. Thanks for reading and C&C for what I have written so far. Much more to come, when I can find time between a 2 year old, a 2 week old, and a wife hahaha!

Edited by Armond, 31 May 2012 - 03:37 PM.


#6
Myxx

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I think the use of Korean (or at least Korean sounding) names for characters would help reinforce the idea of an Asian themed world. I just think using a name like Gorea forces you out of the fictional realm (and it also sounds vaguely like a social disease). I would be like writing a great story about how a veteran Sgt found himself interred in a dread, but named him Honored Brother Steve, it kind of derails the suspension of disbelief.

But let me also say, I think your overall idea is neat and I look forward to following your IA.
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#7
InquisitorHayn

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I would be like writing a great story about how a veteran Sgt found himself interred in a dread, but named him Honored Brother Steve

I have the strongest urge to do this now...
QUOTE (Ace Debonair @ Oct 9 2011, 10:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it's really limiting someone's creativity when we point out, for instance, that a chapter of Tau-worshipping marines who are secretly really necrons with jetpacks built into their feet kills any believability more effectively than an exterminatus to the face.



#8
Armond

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Updated on the First post!

#9
Myxx

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I reread everything and I think it is better. Only critique: lots of info on world, not so much on chapter. But I await more with baited breath... ;)
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#10
Chaplain Dosjetka

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You seem to have included the name Celestial Lions instead of Tigers in at least one place (end of the Home World section, but nothing major otherwise. Your Home World section is, to me, too long. It is (usually) supposed to be a brief overview of your home world, not a detailed history of its people's battles and other relantionships. It is however interesting and shows your talent as a storyteller. Something you may want to look at if you want to write about your Chapter in a short story ;)

Ludovic

Edited by Battle-Brother Ludovic, 01 June 2012 - 08:40 AM.

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You carry the Emperor's will as your torch, with it destroy the shadows.

Accept all challenges, no matter the odds.

Suffer not the Heretic to live.

Abhor the Typo.


#11
Armond

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Ok, cut back on some of the home world stuff, will refine later. Tried to fix the Lions/Tigers mix up. I was reading about some type of Lions somewhere and it stuck for some reason.

Again, I am so needing advice on how to work the combat doctrine and the organization in regards to Quick and Brutal close combat. I want them to get in quick(via transport, drop pod, etc) and to just show the enemy their hand-to-hand superiority.

Thanks so much for leading me in the right direction!

#12
Armond

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More updates have been added, was able to do some "work" at work. :)

#13
Armond

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I am looking to work on a short story for the conflict between my Chapter and the Night Lords that led to the internment of Brother Wonsul within a Dreadnought. I figure the story would be from his point of view and would be him telling a story to new members of the 4th Company.

Oh and Brother L, I worked on the color scheme a little bit to make it less "bright." Hope it suffices ^_^

Edited by Armond, 02 June 2012 - 03:05 AM.


#14
Armond

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No more suggestions? Sorry for not completing Battle Cry and Organization sections. Been real busy at work. But I would like some C&C on my revisions if possible. :P

#15
Chaplain Dosjetka

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I'll have a look in the next couple of days, as soon as I've got the time to! I think we're all pretty busy right now :sweat:

Ludovic

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You carry the Emperor's will as your torch, with it destroy the shadows.

Accept all challenges, no matter the odds.

Suffer not the Heretic to live.

Abhor the Typo.


#16
Armond

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My thanks kind sir!

#17
Armond

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Short, short story from Brother Wonsul. If you read my IA you will find him mentioned in there! Let me know what you think!



Date: 239.M41
Event: Raid on The Valiant Rhee
Account given by Brother Wonsul (former Squad Sergeant of 2nd Squad, 4th Company)

The Ironclad Dreadnought stood silent. All manner of honors and renown decorated its massive frame. In audience were the newest members of the 4th Company as well as their respective squad leaders. They were to be granted the privilege to hear Brother Wonsul’s account of the infamous raid on The Valiant Rhee. The silence in the chamber was absolute, all awaiting the account of that infamous attack. His booming voice was amplified by his vox speakers, and he spoke…

By decree of Gukseon Yushin it was our honored duty to provide transport security for resources to be sent to the Forge World of Urdesh. As required of all Companies, security of routes to and from our allies of the Mechanicum was to be carried out by a full Company of battle brothers for a period of two decades, Terran standard time. At the time, a frigate laden with adamantium was to begin travel to Urdesh as per agreement made with the Mechanicum for their support at the founding of the Chapter.

We would provide escort while utilizing our Strike Cruiser, The Valiant Rhee. Standard protocol would be followed, and there was no foreseen threat. The Orks in the sector had been successfully repelled and controlled since the esteemed Gukseon Mhutai Khan’s passing. What follows is perhaps the most nefarious of acts to be committed against our beloved Chapter since its inception.

While in movement through the void, the frigate in our care suffered a power failure. Emergency systems allowed for a vox to be sent to our cruiser. Its message was a simple corroboration of the power loss. Within a minute’s time, a second message was transmitted, but we were unable to receive at that moment due to suffering from our own power loss. Back-up systems were coming online and at that moment a vox-all message was received by an unknown source. The message was, “Ave Dominus Nox...” The voice delivering the message was a whisper, no more than a movement of air had the words not been picked out.

Captain Soone of the 4th issued a call to battle stations for all hands. That was when the first impacts were felt. My station, as well as the rest of 2nd squad’s was that of the lower deck’s armory. We were to safeguard the contents and to ensure it remained untouched by enemy forces. We took defensive positions along the corridors leading to the armory and sat in silence listening to the vox. We felt the tremors of enemy guns breaking against our shields but heard no reply from our own guns.

Brother Li broke silence and gave voice to my own concerns, “Brother-Sergeant, what is happening? I have felt no answer from our own ship’s weapons in reply to being attacked. I feel as though we are being toyed with and I like it not.”

I commanded that vox discipline be maintained and to uphold silence. Moments later the Company vox channel came alive with exclamations of being under attack, bolter fire could be heard in the background drowning out the words. Then the clearest message heard yet was broadcast across our channels, “Brothers, we are under attack by the traitorous spawn of the accursed Curze, steel yourselves and deliver the Emperor’s punishment.” The declaration was delivered by our beloved Captain, and it was the last I heard of him…

I contemplated moving the 2nd and attempting to make contact with the enemy, but to do so would surely leave the armory unguarded. The thought left my mind as quickly as it entered; the footsteps of power armor could then be heard traversing the adjacent walkway. My enhanced sense of hearing, further enhanced by my helm picked out the sounds of servos and humming given off by power armor. I sent a squad-wide vox to ready ourselves and prepare for contact. It sounded as though our attackers were lacking discipline with their rapid movement, but this was to be expected from the treasonous ones.

Surprise was etched in their posture as the first members of the opposition rounded the corner; they seemed not to have expected an opposing force in waiting. In the moments before reactions could be made, their identity was confirmed, traitorous whoresons of the Eighth Legion! The red-winged skull of the Night Lords emblazoned upon their pauldron and the telltale signs of heretics adorned their power armor. The order to engage was given in that moment, and a cacophony of noise then followed. Bolter fire spit across the expansive hallway, and in mere seconds three of the raiders were scythed as grain.

That was when we suffered our first casualty. Return fire hit Brother Jeung and the junction of his helmet and chest plate, almost completing detaching his head from his neck. What followed next was a loud chatter of heavy bolter fire originating from Brother Tong, his legs spread in a braced stance. Exploding shells made direct hits on several of the raiders, tearing through their dark armor. A handful more fell, and then Brother Tong’s rapid fire fell silent, I glanced back to confirm what my helm was relaying to me. A flat line of his life signs showed on my squad interface as his bulk thundered to the floor.

As if on cue, the enemy closed in on us, assassin’s blades and other close combat weapons clutched in their hands. I took in their numbers, more than two squads worth still stood. We were down two brothers bringing us to eight. Perhaps they believed us to be easy prey, but their haste to close with us would prove to be the great equalizer. Our constant training in the honored art of Hwarangdo combined with the dimensions of the hall would indeed grant us a boon.

My chainsword met the clumsy swing of a chain axe, our teeth rebounding and breaking apart as they ate at each other. As my opponent’s body turned ever so slightly, attempting to gut me with a swing for my torso, I brought my powerfist under in a devastating uppercut. As my fist made contact with the blade moving towards my midriff, it destroyed it and the hand wielding it. We broke apart, taking each other in, his body language betraying astonishment and disbelief. I grinned behind my helm, his hesitance would cost him. With only one arm and no distance between us, I initiated contact once again. My fist connected with his helm and then his right pauldron, both breaking apart with ease. He ceased to oppose me, felled by my blow.

To my left and right my brothers were engaged with the rogues. We stood a full five-wide; to my left Brother Yi and Brother Xiang, while to my right fought Brother Baek and Brother Taegu. Brothers Seon, Li, and Cheul stood ready to join the press should one of their valiant brothers fell to the fiends. We pressed forward and the enemy scattered as mice, filling the hole they left burst the promethium-rich flame engulfing the brothers to the left of me. I raged within, realizing that all sense of honor died with these dogs when they turned away from the Emperor’s Light. In a trained move, I kneeled, dropped my chainsword and took up my fallen foe’s chain axe. In that same movement I gunned the blade to life and launched it in a sideways throw towards the flamer-wielding scum. It caught him on the upper right arm, its monomolecular teeth severing it; the flamer hit the deck with a crash, still attached to him by the feed tube. Securing my own weapon again, I looked to Brother Cheul making visual contact with him.

As if reading my thoughts, Brother Cheul fired his bolter at the promethium tank exposed. The firestorm that followed enveloped seven of the betrayers along with the wielder, melting the ceramite and the flesh and bone beneath.

Through the flames and clouds of smoke a midnight-clad, wing-helmed marine leapt. He impaled Brother Cheul through the torso on his Warp-tainted sword. In a final act of defiance, Brother Cheul fired his bolter at close range into his pelvis before perishing. His killer slumped atop of Brother Cheul, super-human healing trying to catch up to the trauma caused by the mass-reactive shells. Another brother lost…

Our squad reduced to the numbers of a demi-squad, renewed our undertaking. I voxed to my brothers to redouble their efforts and to readdress the enemy. The crash of weapon on weapon permeates the air; the traitors furious and frantic at the same time, and my brothers-in-arms answering with trained reactions. I hear the magnified scream of what seems to be the leader’s commands over the bedlam, trying to restore some semblance of discipline to his forces. I begin taking purposeful steps towards the source, felling another Night Lord with a practiced swing as I move. I have locked with another of them, his reactions more skillful and capable than the brothers I have already dispatched.

Our weapons crash together over and over, both of us trying to find an opening in the other’s defense. I hold back my powerfist, awaiting an opportunity to strike. I realized that to commit too early would leave me open to a counterstroke. His first and final mistake was an overzealous overhand chop with his double-handed chainsword. I side-stepped swiftly, his helm came level with mine realizing his mistake, and mere milliseconds later my fist’s energy field makes initial contact with his head. Never hesitating, I crushed his helm ending his treasonous existence.

I noted Brother Baek and Seon dispatching two more of them. Survey of the hall showed eight Night Lords standing and five of us ready to continue the fray. It seems the enemy recognized their losses, and chose to disengage putting space between us. We pressed forward once again, launching a counterattack, Brother Taegu extirpating another of their number.

Three of the murderers, including their craven leader, pulled their mag-locked bolters from their hips. They then proceeded to open fire on us, using their own raid members as shields. Brothers Seon and Yi were felled as well as another of their number. I myself was hit, four shots registering, and then a fifth struck my helm rendering it ineffective. Dropping the chainsword to the ground, I tore my helm from my head, allowing me to view the enemy with my own eyes. A momentary self-assessment showed 2 penetrating shots; one in the chest and one in the thigh. My gene-enhanced body was already working to clot and repair the damage while combat stims were being pumped into my bloodstream.

The bolter fire ceased and the sounds of magazines being dropped could be heard. “Into them,” I screamed, trying to close the distance before they could bring their soon to be reloaded bolters to bear on us. Leaving my chainsword on the ground to conserve precious moments, I crossed the floor in an instant and shoulder-charged one of them buffeting him into his bolter-wielding brethren. The three of us crashed to the floor in disarray. I flailed into their mass, using the anarchy to my advantage. My powerfist pulverized the both of them. I leapt to my feet, and saw to my dismay my three remaining brothers lifeless. Their lives bought me my own. All that stood in the aftermath was I, their cur of a leader and his last remaining lackey.

Closer observation proved that the leader was untouched, however his underling proved to be badly injured. He was weaponless and crashed to his knees, both hands attempting to staunch the blood loss. His body unable to endure the strain, he fell to the ground inert.

“How unfortunate,” a harsh whisper expressed. Looking from the fallen bodies to the speaker I noted the absence of his helm. Pale white skin and emotionless black pits for eyes characterized his face. Mutation was not evident on his face, nor was any markings I thought typical of a traitor Marine present. His face betrayed noble lineage, but the sneer on his lips showed obvious contempt. He turned his head side to side, taking in the scene, “It would seem we two are all that stands. I must commend you on your efforts, and those of your fallen brothers,” the final word spit with contempt.

My every fiber called out for his death, and the urge to engage was never more present. I could feel the effects of the battle stims wearing off, and my two wounds seriousness was telling. One of my lungs had collapsed as well as there being other internal damage. My thigh was stiff, able to support my weight, but sudden movement may prove to injure me further. “You have lost this battle cur,” I replied. “The Emperor’s will was done, and we have decimated you.”

Laughter spilled from his mouth, grating against my ears. “Have you no knowledge of what has occurred? You stand alone! You are all that is left of this ship’s occupants! The rest of my number will be arriving shortly, but they will not find you standing…” He slid a wondrous blade from the scabbard upon his hip. Obviously a trophy from a previous raid, for what unworthy being could possess it? Its intricate hilt was decorated with details most associated with the esteemed Ultramarines. His threat hung in the air mere moments before he began to make his way towards me.

“You will be denied this victory disgraced son of Curze; you will find that I am not easy prey.” I retrieved my chainsword from the floor, keeping my eyes upon him.

“Perhaps you are right thin-blood, an adjustment shall be made.” As his proclamation spat forth, he suddenly stooped and gripped a bolter. With no other course of action present, I charged forward with the powerfist shielding my face and chainsword activated. Two shots fired and then the telltale clicks of an empty magazine. A shot struck me in the right pauldron and another in the chest. The pauldron exploded and shards of ceramite embedded themselves into the right side of my face. Loss of vision in my right eye and lack of hearing from my right ear followed. My chest plate absorbed the shot to the chest, detonating and splitting. I continued my mad dash forward.

The crackle of power weapons clashing filled the air as my fist met his sword. His next strike met the teeth of my sword, eating them up, and eventually sundering the weapon in two. The traitor followed up with a vicious horizontal strike, I parried using the remaining remnants of my chainsword. He recovered and assumed a position of attack while I dropped the now ineffectual weapon and committed to the unexpected. I bolted forward, powerfist readied and prepared to strike. In anticipation of a clumsy reaction, I opened the fingers of the powerfist, and was rewarded with contact with the powersword. Closing my fingers around its blade, I then stepped in and executed an over the shoulder toss. My foe maintained his instinctual grip on the blade, which would prove to be his undoing but would also prove to my own as well.

I leapt atop him once he crashed onto the body-littered floor. I thundered an elbow into his face and heard the crack of ceramite as it met his skull. A second blow followed and I felt his grip loosen on the weapon. I failed to yield and continued to rain down strikes upon his head until he no longer struggled, his face no longer recognizable in the aftermath. I then attempted to rise to my feet. I glanced downwards, and I had been run through.

With much effort, I pulled the blade from my chest. He had pierced my primary heart. The trauma done to me forced my Sus-an Membrane to put me into a state of suspended animation, and then I knew no more.


As one, the whole room knelt with bowed heads to pay respects to their lost brothers, and to honor the efforts and account of Brother Wonsul. “Rise my brethren… Honor me not with knees bent, but with devotion to your duties as the Emperor’s servants and as a fellow brother of the Celestial Tigers.”

Edited by Armond, 15 June 2012 - 09:59 PM.


#18
Andrew J

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Armond I think you could do well with the Korean theme but you need to dig deeper into it. What about the korean culture inspired you to do this chapter? What aspects of their beliefs do you admire? Do they fit in with Astartes and codex? If not why?

I for one like all the naming conventions as it helps to permeate the theme through the chapter. I think you do very well writing specific information for each section but when it comes to an IA it should be a well condensed summary of the most recognizable traits of your chapter. You have a lot of information that doesnt necessarily have anything to do with the chapter, that while interesting to you, tends to take away the attention of the article from your chapter. Every paragraph should tie into the chapter in someway. Describing the individual continents of the homeworld should have some relation to the chapter in their beliefs or organizational structure, not just content for contents sake. Remember this is not a novel detailing the universe that they are set in, the setting is already there and most people here know it very well. The IA is your chapter and how they work within the setting and what makes them interesting.

Hope that helps.
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#19
Armond

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Armond I think you could do well with the Korean theme but you need to dig deeper into it. What about the korean culture inspired you to do this chapter? What aspects of their beliefs do you admire? Do they fit in with Astartes and codex? If not why?

The inspiration came from the fact that I am half Korean. Simple as that. Well it isn't just Korean culture, but their history that I like. The whole defiance of Admiral Yi to the Japanese and his victories over them are inspirational themselves( a never give up attitude combined with quick learning and applied tactics). I think that the whole culture honors their elders/superiors so that plays a part. I mentioned some of it in the Teachings of Gwarang(slightly altered but inspired by actual teachings to the Hwarang). The personal integrity of the majority of Korean, and in general Asian culture/society(I have lived in Japan for 3 years and having half my family being Korean and how different they are than Americans as a whole) gives me some directions. The way they have a specific family/society hierarchy(in relation to Astartes command structure) which is a strength. I am sure I can dig up some more as well.

I for one like all the naming conventions as it helps to permeate the theme through the chapter. I think you do very well writing specific information for each section but when it comes to an IA it should be a well condensed summary of the most recognizable traits of your chapter. You have a lot of information that doesnt necessarily have anything to do with the chapter, that while interesting to you, tends to take away the attention of the article from your chapter. Every paragraph should tie into the chapter in someway. Describing the individual continents of the homeworld should have some relation to the chapter in their beliefs or organizational structure, not just content for contents sake. Remember this is not a novel detailing the universe that they are set in, the setting is already there and most people here know it very well. The IA is your chapter and how they work within the setting and what makes them interesting.

I guess I need to shorten certain sections. I did mention about the people from Hanguk who tend to be the leaders of Squads and Companies due to their very early introduction to tactics, philosophy, diplomacy, and fighting while learning as Hwarang. If you could point out a specific paragrapth and let me know what about it needs some work that may spark a few things for me. I am just not sure what else I can do. I have read several IAs and a large majority of them seem longer than my own. I understand the whole "contents for contents sake," but I need a specific example so I know what to look for!

Hope that helps.



Thank you for your C&C! I am really trying to better this and you actually taking the time to reply is appreciated.

Edited by Armond, 14 June 2012 - 04:46 PM.


#20
Andrew J

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Alright read through it again. Here are some specific things I think you could work on.

What remains unknown is how the attack came without warning. Review of logs show no indication of any enemy vessels appearing on their sensor arrays. The only possibility is that the traitors have somehow come into possession of stealth technology of some kind.

I feel like this is unnecessary. You could totally remove it.

I feel like you give a lot of extraneous information in the homeworld section. You describe it a little in the Origins section and I feel like that is all you need. I do applaud the level of detail described for each continent and its relative inhabitants but feel like it doesnt do anything for the chapter. You are just getting farther and farther away from the main point of the IA which is the Celestial Lions by talking in such depth about the native people of Jiggu.

I like the origins section and feel like that covers the early portion of their history. One thing to consider is what is the point of telling about this battle? What significance does it have to the chapter? Does the combat doctrine change? Remember they fight constantly so any battle described needs to have a significant impact on the chapter. I do feel like the last section of the origins after the night lords attack might be too much.

After your response I can see why you would choose that now. Also I think you wrote some great things in your response that you should incorporate more throughout your IA, ( a never give up attitude combined with quick learning and applied tactics), honors their elders/superiors , personal integrity, family/societal hierarchy. I dont really get a feeling of much of these through your IA. I say go back and reread each part and try to add in these things to give your chapter more character.

Also you dont have a chapter beliefs section. That is probably the most important part of an IA. You can definitely go on in length about those traits there. That is where you will develop the most character for your chapter and help make them different than korean named-white scars. It gives the chapter the most depth and character. I can tell you have a great deal of desire to really give them a story and depth and this is the best way to do it.

EDIT: also wanted to say that this is one of the toughest IAs to do. Asian themed IAs tend to be very shallow and go to the extent of name changes and katanas usually. I blame it on the english origins of the game making it hard to reconcile the asian names and culture with the english background. Also I think many writers dont have a complete understanding of the asian cultures and fall into the traps of easiness.

I wish you the best.

Edited by Andrew J, 14 June 2012 - 06:00 PM.

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#21
Arthanor

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Armond, you have the making of a very interesting chapter! I read the IA but not the story (will do later and edit or post again) and here are a few things that I noticed:

1- Proof reading: Although yours is a good quality text, there are a few signs that it needs a good read through to tie the writing together. Taking a step back and re-reading from beginning to end can be profitable, both for things like repetitions or typos and for inspiring yourself from your own work.

Repetitions, such as The mysterious White Horangi, or Tiger in low Gothic, is a mysterious beast. or thus effectively rendering the Ork Waaagh leaderless. With no leader, the Orks were routed and effectively defeated. are unfortunate. Varying the words you use makes the writing more fluid. Try not to repeate words, or concepts (routed and defeated). It's a small things, of course, and probably comes from editing your text a lot. GW writers do it often too, adding different adjectives that all mean the same thing to the same sentences. In most cases, it does not make them better, just goofier.

2- Dates: I usually only glance at dates, but your text drew my attention to them. Your 2nd Chapter Master being an established and trusted leader for over a millennia sounds a bit long. (I just noticed, it should be just over a millenium or just over two millenia, but that's super long) Dante is 1100 years old and a legend for it! If it's the same dude that stepped up in 582.M40 and was leading them in 239.M41, plus serving for a millenium, that guy is old!

Also having to wait 143 years (239.M41 to 382.M41) to join battle again seems long. In the 41st millenium, there is only war! The Emperor's Finest should not go on breaks of a century and a half! Maybe you mean it has been that long before they got another battle of this scale? Or you could make it more relevant to the previous engagement by saying that, 143 years they finally made contact with Night Lords again, which would explain why the 4th was so eager to get into the fight. Losing to Night Lords and going nuts against Orks makes less sense than avenging your dead on those who killed them.

3- Be careful about your claims. Your space marines all being masters of close combat is pushing it, them being masters of some aspect of close combat is much more believable. Maybe sword fighting or fighting more numerous foes using longer weapons to keep them at bay (good against orks! and polearms are something I associate with continental Asia). In the intro, you also claim that they always fulfilled their duty. If it is restricted to preventing supplies from falling into Xenos hands, sure, but losing them to Night Lords also seem like a bit of a failure. Of course, they fought to the last for it and died an honorable death, but the result is still the same. Having a chapter who is mostly succesfull and tries hard even in the face of defeat is better than being undefeated.

4- Why is the chapter master so inspired by the native of his homeworld? I know there are links between homeworlds and the chapters that's on them, but it's usually the chapter who influences the world or chooses a world that suits them or something that comes from the time of the primarchs for the legions. Taking the name and symbolism of the apex predator of their homeworld makes sense, space marines, like the tiger, are at the top of the food chain. Otherwise, it seems more likely that the chapter picks a world that suits it than molding itself to fit the world it has.

When you mention your chapter master being pushed towards close combat by the natives, I can only picture a newly nominated chapter master going like: "I wonder how I should fight with this chapter of mine.. Throne! I don't know.. *looks at the native of his new homeworld* Eh, maybe we'll charge at the ennemy with swords like these guys? Who cares about guns any ways..." Taking the fighting style of the natives seems odd. Why not make it that he chose them partly because they were already skilled in close combat? You already allude to that earlier in the text and it makes a lot of sense. I understood that your chapter master was a White Scar captain, maybe he was chosen because he liked close combat more than the norm of the White Scars, so they decided to "cut him loose" with his own chapter, knowing that fighting orks, he'd have to be in combat very often any ways.

That's all I can think of right now, I hope it helps! You have a good IA with potential for a very original chapter, without playing into the urge of making them so special that they don't fit in anymore, well done!

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#22
Armond

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Alright read through it again. Here are some specific things I think you could work on.

What remains unknown is how the attack came without warning. Review of logs show no indication of any enemy vessels appearing on their sensor arrays. The only possibility is that the traitors have somehow come into possession of stealth technology of some kind.

I feel like this is unnecessary. You could totally remove it.
Done, I read it over again and agree!

I feel like you give a lot of extraneous information in the homeworld section. You describe it a little in the Origins section and I feel like that is all you need. I do applaud the level of detail described for each continent and its relative inhabitants but feel like it doesnt do anything for the chapter. You are just getting farther and farther away from the main point of the IA which is the Celestial Lions by talking in such depth about the native people of Jiggu.
I cut it out and saved it to a separate document in case I wanted to write a detailed short story one day!

I like the origins section and feel like that covers the early portion of their history. One thing to consider is what is the point of telling about this battle? What significance does it have to the chapter? Does the combat doctrine change? Remember they fight constantly so any battle described needs to have a significant impact on the chapter. I do feel like the last section of the origins after the night lords attack might be too much.
I tried to add some impact, and something that shows the quality of the Marines, hope it worked!

After your response I can see why you would choose that now. Also I think you wrote some great things in your response that you should incorporate more throughout your IA, ( a never give up attitude combined with quick learning and applied tactics), honors their elders/superiors , personal integrity, family/societal hierarchy. I dont really get a feeling of much of these through your IA. I say go back and reread each part and try to add in these things to give your chapter more character.
Same as above, I hope haha

Also you dont have a chapter beliefs section. That is probably the most important part of an IA. You can definitely go on in length about those traits there. That is where you will develop the most character for your chapter and help make them different than korean named-white scars. It gives the chapter the most depth and character. I can tell you have a great deal of desire to really give them a story and depth and this is the best way to do it.
I need to work on that, once I further review some more information and decide, I will create one!

EDIT: also wanted to say that this is one of the toughest IAs to do. Asian themed IAs tend to be very shallow and go to the extent of name changes and katanas usually. I blame it on the english origins of the game making it hard to reconcile the asian names and culture with the english background. Also I think many writers dont have a complete understanding of the asian cultures and fall into the traps of easiness.
Well I hope I do it some justice, I don't want to butcher it!

I wish you the best.
Thank you for your time!



#23
Armond

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Armond, you have the making of a very interesting chapter! I read the IA but not the story (will do later and edit or post again) and here are a few things that I noticed:

1- Proof reading: Although yours is a good quality text, there are a few signs that it needs a good read through to tie the writing together. Taking a step back and re-reading from beginning to end can be profitable, both for things like repetitions or typos and for inspiring yourself from your own work.

I have read, and reread this thing so many times, my head hurts! But I did look it over again, and am rewriting parts of it, please tell me what you think!

Repetitions, such as The mysterious White Horangi, or Tiger in low Gothic, is a mysterious beast. or thus effectively rendering the Ork Waaagh leaderless. With no leader, the Orks were routed and effectively defeated. are unfortunate. Varying the words you use makes the writing more fluid. Try not to repeate words, or concepts (routed and defeated). It's a small things, of course, and probably comes from editing your text a lot. GW writers do it often too, adding different adjectives that all mean the same thing to the same sentences. In most cases, it does not make them better, just goofier.
Removed those you noted, going to read it all again tomorrow, with a fresh night of sleep, and see if I can find more!

2- Dates: I usually only glance at dates, but your text drew my attention to them. Your 2nd Chapter Master being an established and trusted leader for over a millennia sounds a bit long. (I just noticed, it should be just over a millenium or just over two millenia, but that's super long) Dante is 1100 years old and a legend for it! If it's the same dude that stepped up in 582.M40 and was leading them in 239.M41, plus serving for a millenium, that guy is old!

Also having to wait 143 years (239.M41 to 382.M41) to join battle again seems long. In the 41st millenium, there is only war! The Emperor's Finest should not go on breaks of a century and a half! Maybe you mean it has been that long before they got another battle of this scale? Or you could make it more relevant to the previous engagement by saying that, 143 years they finally made contact with Night Lords again, which would explain why the 4th was so eager to get into the fight. Losing to Night Lords and going nuts against Orks makes less sense than avenging your dead on those who killed them.
Maybe it looks better now? I redid the math and made things more "believable."

3- Be careful about your claims. Your space marines all being masters of close combat is pushing it, them being masters of some aspect of close combat is much more believable. Maybe sword fighting or fighting more numerous foes using longer weapons to keep them at bay (good against orks! and polearms are something I associate with continental Asia). In the intro, you also claim that they always fulfilled their duty. If it is restricted to preventing supplies from falling into Xenos hands, sure, but losing them to Night Lords also seem like a bit of a failure. Of course, they fought to the last for it and died an honorable death, but the result is still the same. Having a chapter who is mostly succesfull and tries hard even in the face of defeat is better than being undefeated.
Ok, maybe I fixed it. I tried to emphasize the sword fighting and the hand-to-hand aspects. Better?

4- Why is the chapter master so inspired by the native of his homeworld? I know there are links between homeworlds and the chapters that's on them, but it's usually the chapter who influences the world or chooses a world that suits them or something that comes from the time of the primarchs for the legions. Taking the name and symbolism of the apex predator of their homeworld makes sense, space marines, like the tiger, are at the top of the food chain. Otherwise, it seems more likely that the chapter picks a world that suits it than molding itself to fit the world it has.
More to come on this, I kind of touched on it, more changes to be made.

When you mention your chapter master being pushed towards close combat by the natives, I can only picture a newly nominated chapter master going like: "I wonder how I should fight with this chapter of mine.. Throne! I don't know.. *looks at the native of his new homeworld* Eh, maybe we'll charge at the ennemy with swords like these guys? Who cares about guns any ways..." Taking the fighting style of the natives seems odd. Why not make it that he chose them partly because they were already skilled in close combat? You already allude to that earlier in the text and it makes a lot of sense. I understood that your chapter master was a White Scar captain, maybe he was chosen because he liked close combat more than the norm of the White Scars, so they decided to "cut him loose" with his own chapter, knowing that fighting orks, he'd have to be in combat very often any ways.
Will work on that, makes sense! Did make a few changes though!



Thanks for the C&C, I really do appreciate it! It helps tons! I took everything into consideration and am trying to do what I can to make this a worthwhile IA.

#24
Armond

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Also, if you have not noticed, Chapter name change, wanted it to fit the whole Horangi being the Guardian of the Moon. So changing the Chapter name made sense to me.

#25
Myxx

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I am wary of any chapters using the words Luna or Lunar in the name, particularly when combined with a predator. The last group with a name like that didn't turn out so well...

I also like celestial over lunar simply for the cadence and pronunciation.
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