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[XKhalilX]

Angels of Expurgation

CHAPTER NAME: ..............Angels of Expurgation FOUNDING: ..................Unknown, presumed 13th [M.36] CHAPTER WORLD: .............Lacuna Morda FORTRESS MONASTERY: ........Citadel of Sorrows GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): ...Unknown [destroyed, M.36] KNOWN DESCENDANTS: .........Unknown "The Angels of Expurgation are unrelenting warriors of attrition who fight when others have found no cause for victory. They excel at close combat, and hold a great contempt for abhumans, xenos, and daemons; the xenos and daemon whom they readily engage. Ever vigiliant, they are reknown for their extreme methods in capturing, torturing and executing the Fallen. Their secretive history is filled with deep seeded distrust and sorrow. Reclusive and monastic, they shun and abhor all other chapters of the Unforgiven, believing that none can be trusted."

History

Early in the 35th millenium, the Angels of Expurgation were created in response to the dire discussions amongst the Unforgiven to capture the Lord Cypher and the rest of the Fallen. Under the pretense of a new founding successor, the gathering of the Inner Circles of the Unforgiven decided that a new chapter with a more radical approach to hunting the Fallen was needed. Tasked with petitioning the High Lords of Terra, the Supreme Grand Master of the Dark Angels once again called for a new chapter under the standard of the Lion to be created.

After careful deliberation, the High Lords approved for a new successor to be created using the geneseed of Primarch Lion El'Johnson. Given the "legion building" rumors surrounding the Dark Angels the High Lords stipulated a condition of using only the purest stock of geneseed and a slow recruitment rate to curtail any possible "legion building" the Dark Angels might attempt.

They begrudglingly agreed and appointed a parent chapter who were a highly militant and xenophobic chapter compared to the rest of the Unforgiven, utterly savage in their methods of warfare. They were known to engage xenos and daemons on a regular basis. Though fiercely loyal to his parent chapter, Master Thrael of the 3rd company was appointed as head of the training cadre. Joining him was a close ally, the fiery voiced Chaplain Luka from the Reclusium. The chapter was named the Angels of Expurgation, becoming the newest members of the infamous collective known as the Unforgiven.

During the initial decades of recruitment, rumors throughout the Unforgiven were reporting possible appearences of several prominent Fallen gathered together in an outlying Imperial world known as Daedelus located in the Segmentum Obscurus. The possibility of capturing such a prominent bounty of Fallen had the Unforgiven salivating.

The nascient chapter was the only Unforgiven within close proximity to the backwater Imperial world. At the time the chapter was less than two companies in strength excluding the small training cadre under Thrael. They had only just begun to promote recruits into full astartes and leadership positions. Thrael called for aid from his former chapter to Daedelus in hopes the rumours were correct. It was this mission that nearly annhilated the Angels of Expurgation.

Communique transmission to Terra ~~

This is Inquisitor Valthen. I am reporting on a incident brought to my attention by Master Harakiel of the Dark Angels. I have been debriefed on a situation involving a full scale uprising on the backwater Imperial World known as Dadelus. An unknown contingent of astartes forces were deployed by the Dark Angels to investigate the situation. Within weeks the astartes forces were completely destroyed by an unknown force, most likely traitor legions given the location of the planet in the Segementum Obscurus.
As is typical of the Dark Angels, little information has been provided of the incident. I have been informed that the situation is now under control. By the time this message is received, the incident on Daedelus will be reigned in...End Transmission+

The Daedelus Incident

A devastating conflict surrounding Daedelus, known as the Wars of Unrest to the chapter, was fought in the initial century of the chapter's creation. The details of the war are known only to the Angels of Expurgation and the Dark Angels themselves. Even the rest of the Unforgiven are left in the dark as to what exactly occurred.

What is known is that the aftermath of the war left the Angels of Expurgation severely depleted with the 5th company Master Micharius promoted to Chapter Master. The unknown parent chapter was completely annihilated.

A Further Betrayal

En route back to The Rock, the Dark Angels 4th company Strike Cruiser, The Forlorn Destiny, went missing and all contact was lost. Shortly thereafter, a single transmission from the missing vessel was recieved by the Dark Angels. The encrypted message given to the Supreme Grand Master set off a chain of events, initiating a proxy war between the Dark Angels and the Angels of Expurgation that continue till this day.

The chapter remained in self-imposed exile, slowly building its numbers. Within a century of the Daedelus Incident, the chapter made themselves known to the rest of the Unforgiven during the Great Gathering of all the chapters Inner Circles. The Forlorn Destiny broke from warp space, demanding entrance to The Rock. After positive confirmation of their Unforgiven lineage, the Chapter Master of the Angels of Expurgation along with his Chief Librarian and Master of Sanctity were granted permission to enter the Rock and given a seat at the conclave.

After a brief and defiant speech, the mysterious Micharius and his commanding officers left the gathering, boarding their ship and entered warp space. Since then, the chapter has never made an appearence at the Great Gathering of the Inner Circles of the Unforgiven.

The Dark Facade

Since their inception, the chapter and the Dark Angels have remained adversaries hidden behind a veil as allied cousins under their Primarch Lion El'Jonson. The two chapters have fought a cold war for thousands of years, with the Angels of Expurgation largely playing the aggressor. Periodically a Dark Angels squad sent out for a mission are never heard from again. Whenever other successor chapters of the Unforgiven meet their reclusive cousins, they are met with unease and suspicion by the Unforgiven. The Dark Angels and Angels of Expurgation themselves always present a facade of cordial relations.

Presently, neither chapter holds advantage over the other, as more secrets interweave the two adversaries in a web of hidden politics and assasinations.

Homeworld

The chapter remained Fleet-Based for nearly two centuries. Once the chapter grew to full chapter strength, Micharius ordered the chapter to scour the outlying regions of the Segementum Pacificus for a viable homeworld. Upon a distant backwater planet the Angels of Expurgation would build their fortress.

The world of Lacuna Morda is a cold climate world found in the Segmentum Pacificus section of Imperial Space, bordering the Halo Stars. The planet's northern region is composed of large areas of tundras separating vast mountain ranges. The southern region consists of arctic wastelands. The oceans are a dark murky color that few have dared explored.

A dying sun glows ever so dimly, while a small moon offers little illumination at night, giving the world a landscape of perpetual dusk.

Headquarters

The chapter fortress keep lies on the edge of the coldest tundra to the north. Built into the mountainside,the Citadel of Sorrows is a massive fortress complex housing the entire chapter. Thirteen spires stand high above the massive keep, each housing the brothers of the ten Hosts, the Librarium, the Reclusiarch, and the Inner Circle respectively. Strict vows of silence are enforced throughout the keep, making sure all adhere to the etiquette of the Holy Citadel. Verbal communication is allowed only in the strictest of matters or when individual and group prayer is commenced.

The First Host's tower is known as the Ivory Bastion of Redemption. Its gleaming alabaster construction shines radiantly despite the dimly lit skies.

Within the keep lies The Cathedral of Souls, one of the largest monestaries in all the adeptus astartes. Here the chapter spends a great deal of time in individual and group prayer. Its high vaulted walls are covered with stainglass windows depicting images of the Emperor and the Lion during the Great Crusade, and images of the greatest heroes throughout the chapter's history. At the front of the Cathedral lies the Altar of Micharius. The Reclusium is housed behind the altar, a great hallway named the Sanctum of Luka. When the brothers of the chapter are not in active duty or in combat training, they spend most of their time in the sacred Cathedral. All members of the chapter, from the most seasoned veteran of the first host, to a newly inducted initiate, as well as a simple chapter serf; all pray within the confines of the Cathedral of Souls.

The highest tower known as the Tower of Rectitude is only accesible to the most senior members of the Inner Circle. Within the ebony tower lies the Sanctum of Mortarium, the chapter's interrogation chambers to torture and execute the Fallen. Hidden deep in the Tower of Rectitude is the Black Cathedral, a small monestary exclusive to the Reclusium and the uppermost echelon of the chapter's Inner Circle. Here the chaplains of the Reclusium gather nightly, reciting the Secretori Damnatus, as well as other hymns and prayers known only to the Inner Circle. The Altar of Damnation is covered with black candles that burn a mysterious black flame. Rumors amongst the Inner Circle are the candles are made from the blood and flesh of the Fallen, each candle symbolizing a captured and executed traitor.

Beliefs

Satyricus

The individual brother known as Satyricus is veiled to all except the Lord Master himself. Answering only to him, obeying his every command. He was seconded to the Deathwatch nearly five years ago. What is known of Satyricus is that he was a standard battle brother with great aptitude in stealth, marksmanship, assault, and a man of devout faith. Many considered him to be an astartes who would one day lead his brothers as a Chaplain of the Reclusium.
That day may still come, but for reasons known only to him and Lord Master Ezerjin, he was pulled from his squad duties and sent to the Tower of Rectitude where he met with the chapter's Inner Circle. He was inducted into its most upper echelons overnight, learning the deepest secrets of the chapter and the Unforgiven. The following morning, he was immediately ordered to a tour in the Deathwatch for an undisclosed amount of time.
Only High Master Ezerjin know's the true purpose of Satyricus' mission. Even amongst the Deathwatch, he keeps to himself, shrouded in a black robes and maintaining long vigils in the Watch Fortress monestary and his personal quarters. Only in time, will the true mission of Satyricus be revealed.

The chapter view all the Unforgiven with contempt and dishonor. They refuse to fight alongside other Unforgiven unless the situation necessitates cooperation, such as a hunt for Fallen or in full scale wars (i.e. the Black Crusades). When forced to fight alongside other Unforgiven, communication is at best minimal. The secretive and self-isolating nature of the Angels of Expurgation further ingrains the culture of unease and questionable loyalties surrounding them amongst their cousins.

The chapter also holds a unique view of the Fallen. While the Unforgiven deem a Fallen any individual who betrayed the Lion in the War of Caliban, the Angels of Expurgation consider a Fallen as any brother of the Unforgiven who has betrayed the Lion, be they members of the original traitors on Caliban, or those who fell after. This includes latter day traitors up to the present. For the chapter perceives all treachery amongst the Unforgiven as an affront to the honour of the Lion and Emperor. All must be captured, interrogated and executed if the sons of the Lion are to ever be granted pardon.

The Emperor's Redemption will grace the chapter once all Fallen are brought to justice. Only through endless crusades to capture them will they achieve salvation. It is a test through He on Earth that they continue onward, undergoing trials of blood and sacrifice. The chapter's Inner Circle believe they are more condemned in the eyes of the Emperor then of all the Unforgiven. They carry a heavy burden for the Fallen and the events surrounding the time in which the chapter fought the Wars of Unrest. Because of this, the chapter deem themselves "Twice Shamed."

They utilize a considerable array of rituals and symbolism, each holding a deep exoteric and esoteric meanings. Only the Inner Circle fully understand the significance of each incantation, ritual and symbol. The chapter utilizes Black purity seals to remember the damnation brought upon them. All brothers wear hooded robes while inside the chapter citadel. The most veteran brothers of the Chapter wear dark crimson robes, symbolizing the blood that has been spilt from within. Black service studs are used to mark the bond of brotherhood amongst the chapter, ever vigilant in searching out and eradicating the traitor and enemies of the Emperor.

The faith of the chapter is organized in a sacred text entitled the Angelus Lamentati. Within its sacred pages contains litanies and prayers of redemption, vengeance, and salvation. The vows each brother periodically undertakes are detailed within its pages, as well as general history of the chapter itself. The chapter cycles brothers through periods of training, war, and spiritual retreat and contemplation. It is because of such a rigorous monastic lifestyle, the reclusium claims that no brother has fallen to Chaos in over 900 years.

For those inducted into the Inner Circle, the Angelus Lamentati contains additional pages of text. The completed scripture details the painful history of the Unforgiven, allowing each brother of the secretive order personal contemplation on those who have brought defilement and ruination upon the legacy of Lion El'Jonson. The tome allows them to reflect on the collective guilt and responsibility that the chapter bears. The Angelus Lamentati is a mainstay in each brother's life, for it is the very foundation of faith.

The most important addition to the tome is a long list of names, individuals whose souls have been condemned for their treachery against the Emperor and the Lion. All within the Inner Circle memorize the listed names to memory. However, it is the chapter's Reclusium which revere the unabridged tome to the fullest extent. Every night in the hidden confines of the Black Cathedral, the chaplain's recite in a whispered hymn the Secretori Damnatus, the listed names of the Fallen and condemned, before a masterly sculpted statue of Lion El'Jonson.

After this whispered prayer, the chaplains will spend the evening reciting litanies and hymns of praise of the Lion and the Emperor, as well as canticles seeking retribution and vengeance against their treacherous kin. These are done individually and in unison, concluding their evening in individual silent vigils.

The chaplains take it upon themselves to make the traitors beg for forgiveness before executing them through the process known as the Emperor's Damnation. This entails intense psychological torture of which the Chaplains of the Chapter are highly skilled. Whereas other chapters of the Unforgiven employ more physical means to a confession, the Chaplains of the Angels of Expurgation utilize psychological and nervous system triggers to create waves of excruciating pain.

Organization

The chapter adheres to the Codex Astartes with moderate variations. Each company is called a Host and is lead by a Master. The Chapter Master is known as Lord Master. The First Host of the Angels of Expurgation is called the Ere'lim/Order of the Black Chalice have a minimal amount of Terminator suits. The most veteran brothers of the host are known as Bearers of the Blace Chalice/Knights of the Black Chalice The Second Host is called the Blackwing/Stygianwing/Wraithwing/Shadowwing/___ and is akin to the Ravenwing, with its Inner Circle members known as Black Reapers/Wraith Knights/Black Wraiths/Order of the Fallen Tears/Knights of the Fallen Tears.

The sixth host is organized as a battle company. Due to their constant vigil over the Segmentum Pacificus, the host was reorganized as an additional battle company. It excludes its devastator squads in favor of additional assault personnel making them extremely deadly in close combat situations. Given the chapter's assault oriented nature, the sixth host has become the most active host in the entire chapter.

Ascension and symbolism in the Inner Circle

The Black Shroud

Perhaps the most clandestine of all the chapter's Inner Circle is that of the Black Shroud. The origins of the mysterious squad are unknown but believed to have been organized by the chapter's legendary martyred Master of Sanctity, Motarium. The five man squad is lead by a Chaplain detatched from all the hosts. This individual of the Reclusium is unrelenting in his quest to capture the Fallen that harbors on the extreme and will do anything necessary to not only capture the Fallen, but to make sure none learn of the Unforgiven's secrets. The five men are hand selected by the Chaplain and answer only to him.
Adorned in black robes, none amongst the chapter know these five individuals identities, nor their missions and objectives save the highest authorities of the chapter: The Chapter Master, Chief Librarian and the Master of Sanctity. Rumors abound that they hunt only the most elusive of Fallen, and have been tasked with continuing the proxy war between the chapter and their Dark Angel cousins for which they abhor.
While the five individuals remain a mystery, the sixth amongst them, the Chaplain of the squad, is known and is the face of the Black Shroud. His zealous nature and methods of interrogation unmatched by his brethren. Due to such exremism, he will never ascend to the position of Master of Sanctity. The Chaplain who leads the Black Shroud knows his destiny lies elsewhere: to purge the ranks of the Unforgiven, and make the Fallen and latter day traitors meet a most gruesome and violent end. All in the name of the Lion and Emperor. For there is no hope for the damned....

Of all the Unforgiven, the Angels of Expurgation are noted for having the most clandestine and convuluted heiarchy of all Unforgiven Inner Circles. The many orders, cabals and tiers of knowledge within their secret fraternity allows them to gradually reveal the dark secrets of the past, and judging who is deemed worthy to ascend higher in the order. Only the most loyal sons to Primarch and chapter can bare the grim truth and prevent others from knowing at any cost.

Consequently, this dizzying structure serves a second and more ulterior purpose. It is incomprehensible to other Unforgiven, which further divides the chapter from their despised cousins, and grants them a safeguard to which they are able to guard their secrets with uttermost scrutiny.

Veterans who have shown deep devotion and extreme loyalty to the chapter are brought to the chapter's most Inner Sanctum within the Tower of Rectitude (although younger marines who have shown their worth are also considered). In the darkest chambers, surrounded by cowled figures, they are asked to explain their duties within the chapter and list their personal roll call of honours. The brother is then asked to narrate the rituals and stories of the chapter as well as their favorite passages of scripture from the Angelus Lamentati.

After a thorough questioning and retelling, the brother will be asked to meditate upon his faith for a period of time. As the brother sits in the dark chamber alone, the Inner Circle discuss whether the brother is worthy of induction into their ranks. If he is deemed worthy, the Inner Circle return to the chamber, surrounding the brother. Here, the Lord Master or highest ranking Inner Circle member present (usually the Master of Sanctity) will reveal the grim, sorrow filled truth of the chapter and its history. If he is deemed unworthy or shows signs of weakness when being revealed the truth, A chaplain clad in black robes(usually the Chaplain of the Black Shroud) will summarily execute the brother on the spot without hesitation.

Upon ceremonial induction, the brother will recieve two esoteric symbols tattooed on the inside of his wrists. The tattoos are a visual reminder to the brother to recall the past and present, while further committing to the inner fortitude needed for seeking vengeance against his former kin. Additionally, his robes will be embroided with a black trim, symbolizing his initiate rank amongst the Inner Circle.

As a brother ascends within the Inner Circle, he will come to learn the hidden meanings of the chapter's rituals and prayers, the truth behind the stories as well as the darkest truths of the Unforgiven. He will be given additional tattoos of esoteric meaning and be adorned in crimson robes, which will also be embroided with various patterns. The tattoos and crimson robes with various embroidered patterns denote his continual advancement within the many orders of the Inner Circle.

To the rest of the chapter, the tattoos and crimson robes represent further accolades of veteran leadership. Their true meaning is known only to the Inner Circle. Thus each member of the mysterious order will know one another within the fortress walls as well as upon the battlefield. For the Angels, no one is to be fully trusted. The marks of the Inner Circle signify an unbreakable bond of loyalty to chapter, primarch, and Emperor. Only they can bare the gut wrenching truth of the Unforgiven and their ancestors.

Combat Doctrine

Favoring protracted engagements, The chapter relies heavily on tactical and close combat assault squads. The Angels are stubborn in their cause to war when other chapters or Imperial Guard would have withdrawn from the battle. They are known for engaging xenos and daemons on a regular basis.

While the rest of the Unforgiven are notorious for withdrawing from a battlefield to hunt the Fallen, the Angels of Expurgation believe their cousins show cowardice in abandoning fellow astartes and Imperial troops. Leaving in the midst of a conflict only further estranges the Unforgiven from the rest of the Imperium that they swore to protect. When talks of a Fallen reach the chapter, they will relinquish only several squads from a conflict while the rest of the brothers remain behind to stand by their comrades side.

They will always be the last troops to break rank and withdraw, preferring to stay and fight when few others would be so willing to face such overwhelming odds. This adamant stand to fight is imbedded in the chapter's belief that they bear the their secret burden of shame and treason. Through their sacrifice and reclaimed honor will they be redeemed in the eyes of the Emperor and their Primarch Lion El'Johnson.

The Angels of Expurgation have garnered deep admiration and respect amongst fellow astartes and Imperial Guard Regiments for their hardline stance in warfare. It is due to this considerable reputation and their fame throughout the Segmentum Pacificus, that the Imperial Inquisition have forgone further investigation into the origins and founding of the chapter.

Gene-Seed

The chapter utilizes the Geneseed of Lion El'Johnson. They are noted for their extreme abhorence of abhumans and xenos. Their methods of interrogation and torture of the Fallen reflect a brutal and savage mentality. These characteristics are possibly genetic in nature due to their parent chapter's noted extreme xenophobia and savagery. Although this cannot be officially verified.

Battle Cry

"No Hope for the Damned...."

Edited by XKhalilX, 12 February 2014 - 03:45 PM.

[XKhalilX]

I HAVE NO IDEA why all these coding texts are popping up into the IA. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP. I do not understand why its happening and how to fix it.


PS: I am really desiring to have these marines be from the 13th Founding. That is something that I really wish to pursure in writing the IA.

Edited by XKhalilX, 21 April 2013 - 05:35 PM.

[Messor]

That happens sometimes. If you aren't writing your IA in word processor such as Word or Wordpad(and I'd suggest you have a copy in each), then you should. Usually, simply recopying and pasting will fix it. Additionally, there are two editors on the B&C, one of which you need to use for posts with code. Whether you are doing a quick post or using the full editor(with the "More Reply Options" button), at the top left corner of the editor, next to the pink and white eraser icon is a light switch icon. If that is turned OFF (graying out all the other options) 9 times out of 10 the code won't give you trouble. That's the BBCode mode, and the smilies, quotes, and formatting all still work in it, but you have to know the code yourself and plug it in manually.

 

edit: Make sure you have everything you need from the old topic, as I will close it when I get home here in an hour or two.

Edited by Messor, 16 April 2013 - 09:53 PM.

[XKhalilX]

messor, i honestly have NO idea what you just said. my original post was copy and pasted from open office, saved as a Word document. The code showed up. so then i copy and paste it all as a new topic and rewrite some paragraphs and post it here. and now the coding is even worse.
 
I have NO CLUE what to do. honestly. the only code i was trying to plug in was the headers. for the paragraphs all i was doing was hitting my return/enter key to give lines of spacing of which i am doing now to separate paragraphs in my replies. its only when i try to make an IA with headers that all this gibberish pops up when i hit the enter/return key for paragraphs.
 
what a mess, i dont know how to fix it.

*****EDIT: i turned off the lightswitch to put into BBCode mode, and that seems to have done the trick....for now. lets hope it stays that way.

so this will be the topic to keep, the old one will be the one you may discard. thanks for the help messor!

Edited by XKhalilX, 16 April 2013 - 10:24 PM.

[Messor]

No problem. Orbital strike inbound on old topic.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ok, read through history. A few problems came to mind.

 

First, formatting and names. Characters don't need double names, so you can go ahead and remove the '_'s in front of them. This is already a beastly wall of text as it is.

 

Secondly, this bit here, first paragraph, second sentence - 'Under the guise of a new founding successor, and increasing Inquisitorial investigation,' - I'm not entirely sure of what you mean. Guise means... what? I've heard of 'disguise', I've heard of 'gaze', but neither of those seem to fit. Confusion is not what you want right off the bat.

 

Thirdly, the transition from third to fourth paragraph is also confusing. It took me a few seconds to realize we jumped back in time with the narrative.

 

Fourthly, I actually really like the usage of Lutherites and Neo-Lutherites. This isn't a problem, I just felt like mentioning it

 

Fifthly, you do run into overusage of the words 'shame' and 'trust'. Maybe throw in 'disgust', 'distaste', 'dishonor', 'bile-inducing' for shame, and a bit of 'bond', 'brotherhood', 'oaths', 'worthiness', 'respect', 'honor', etc.

 

Sixth, some of the shorter paragraphs can be merged together so that there isn't so much space and wall-o-textness.

 

Finally, I recommend two names. The first is 'sorrow', for their sadness over losing their brother's to something so low, and also making a nice weeping angels reference. The second is 'wrath', because they seem to be not just sad, they're actually pretty mad. I'd probably choose the second one as it feels more right, in so much as I have read. Up to you.

 

DAT

[amjedigen]

Angels of... Abhorrence? They seem to do a lot of that. Or perhaps Reclusion? That sounds nice!

[Aegnor]

Will read on and add more comments but one thing that leapt out is their mission to capture Luther. Luther is and always has been secretly in custody in The Rock, and is considered by all but the Supreme Grand Master of the Dark Angels to be dead. So, the Dark Angels wouldn't feel the need to petition for a new chapter to catch him.

[Conn Eremon]

Cypher, on the other hand, remains at large.

[XKhalilX]

ah yes Cypher is what I meant here, apologies.as for names, these are the ones i personally came up with:
Angels of Mourning
Angels of Sanctity
Angels of Lamentation
Angels of Expurgation
 
Apostle, thank you for the input, I have done some editing. Hopefully its coming together a little better theme and fluff wise.

Whats funny is i had no intention of ever DIYing a DA successor. one day messing around the marine painter about 2 years ago I came up with that colorscheme, saved the file but neglected it. about a month ago i found it and their fluff of being "Twice Shamed" hit me.
 
My theme for them is to be hunting both the fallen and their own fallen. they absolutely despise and hate all other unforgiven for the treachery they experienced by their parent chapter, blame the DA for it all happening to begin with, and as you said, they are REALLY pissed off fellows

Edited by XKhalilX, 17 April 2013 - 01:19 PM.

[XKhalilX]

I was contemplating about the Inner Circle of the chapter and who knows what about the fallen:

A ) The standard Inner Circle as found in the DA and other Unforgiven, just add the addition of the Angels having the chapter's Twice Shamed Fallen on top of the original DA fallen

B ) I could have them know about the Fallen and Twice Shamed as a collective chapter. but id still like to have some kind of hidden knowledge in the upper echelons. just not sure what that would be.

C ) a balance between idea A and idea B. maybe not a collective chapter of 1000 astartes with the knowledge, but alot more then average. say for example, every veteran sergeant has knowledge of the Fallen or Twice Shamed, regardless of the company he belongs to. and as they attain ascension in the Inner Circle they learn theres two groups of Fallen. starting with their own Fallen, and then as they progress they learn their fallen are called TWICE Shamed for a reason, and learn the standard Inner Circle fluff of the DA and Unforgiven...

Edited by XKhalilX, 18 April 2013 - 09:31 PM.

[XKhalilX]

comments and criticism please. i really want this IA written well. im really inspired to make this chapter be well written and thought out

[XKhalilX]

obviously this IA is kind of long, perhaps a bit too detailed. I want to revise and make this worthy of being included in the Tabula Astartes. so C & C most definitely needed.

[Messor]

I'll make you a deal. You nail down a name and get it edited in, and I'll bring as much C&C as I can.

[XKhalilX]

thanks Messor. I have decided on either Angels of Mourning or Angels of Expurgation.

Angels of Mourning sound somewhat generic but the name does suggest the pain and sorrow the chapter feels, notably the Inner Circle for what has happen to not only their chapter, but the sons of Lion El'Johnson as a collective whole.

Angels of Expurgation sounds nice, and expurgation is a fancy way of "cleansing, purging, making something pure of filth and obscenities." however looking it up for further clarification, it seems expurgation is mainly used in a literary sense of censorship in writings and printed works. so im honestly not sure if using expurgation in the sense of purging the traitor and cleansing the history of the chapter can be said to use the word in proper context.

the chapter are sorrow filled and feel the pain of the history of the chapter, but they are also violently angry and pissed off as well, especially towards all the Unforgiven.

my heart leans towards expurgation though. Its an extremely difficult task this naming problem!

Edited by XKhalilX, 19 April 2013 - 11:50 PM.

[Messor]

It looks like your table code cracked again, and you haven't plugged the new name into the thread title. I'll have some C&C ready later today.

[XKhalilX]

completely revised the IA, making it shorter.

with DA, less is more, especially with history.


(for some reason I cannot get the coding to work properly to shrink the astartes color scheme picture on the table at the beginning of the article. I even copy and pasted the coding from my children of eternity article and changed the words for the chapter information, code is the same, and it wont work properly!?!????) THE CODING IS EXACTLY THE SAME. I do not understand why it wont make the picture shrink and create the table header

Edited by XKhalilX, 21 April 2013 - 05:17 PM.

[Messor]

That usually means either 1)There's extra code somewhere else trying to interact with it and messing things up or, 2) some of your regular coding is just being a jerk. I found this happening a lot when coding sidebars for the Basilisks: The code would not function with italics in it. I don't know if that's what you've got, but check it out. If you cut the code out and paste it by itself and it seems to work, in means there's something somewhere else in the article conflicting with it.

[XKhalilX]

I found the issue. after the italicized quote as an intro to the chapter, I FORGOT:

 

[/tr][/table]


that solved the problem! thanks messor!

[Messor]

"The Angels of Expurgation ... renowned ... the Unforgiven."

During the initial decades of recruitment, reports throughout the Unforgiven were reporting possible

You'g got reports reporting. Too much, you'll need a synonym, or replacement word or phrase.

A devastating conflict[,] known as the War of Hosts within the chapter[,] was fought in the initial century of the chapter's creation. The details of the war are known only to the Angels of Expurgation and the Dark Angels themselves. Even the rest of the Unforgiven are left in the dark as to what exactly happen[E]d.

What is known is that at some point during the initial building of the chapter, a faction of the brothers rebelled from the chapter and the parent chapter, the Angels of Reckoning on a world known as Secunda Laterus. The unrevealed truth is that Chapter Master Thrael, along with the original cadre of seconded marines fell to chaos, along with the entire parent chapter of the Angels of Reckoning.

We know who the parent Chapter is by now, so you can just refer to them as one or the other. Missing a couple commas and letters up there, too.

The "rebellion" was in fact a loyalist uprising under the command of 5th company Captain Micharius. Three hundred battle brothers were fighting under his command including 200 marines of the Angels of Reckoning under Captain Baedos, who remained loyal to the Emperor. Forsaking their alliegence to their fallen brethren, Baedos and his men joined Micharius revolt against the Fallen angels of both chapters.

I would remove reference to this as the rebellion, since it makes it sound as if this group was officially labeled as rebels, in which case they'd long since have been hunted and destroyed.

Communique transmission to the Rock~~This is Commander Micharius, former captain of the 5th Order of the Angels of Expurgation. I inform you of the fall of Former Chapter Master Thrael. He has defied Imperial Law, ordering those of us still loyal to the Imperium as traitors(Ordering as traitors? Sentence murky). The Inner Circle of the Angels of Reck[O]ning, [FROM] whose geneseed we were created have placed false assertions in the minds of Thrael and his horde that Lutherites were present on Secundus Laterus. There [is] no threat of Lutherites. I repeat, The claim of Fallen presence on this planet is a farce.

Have a look, there's some edits in there. Also, a farce would be more of a 'joke', or poor imitation than a deception. Consider a different word.

[i]The Angels of Recknoning are not guided by the Emperor of Mankind. Thrael and his followers have re-aligned with their former chapter. I believe they are in league with the Ruino[u]s Powers. We are only 500 hundred brothers strong against a force that outnumbers us two to one. Immediate assistance by the Dark Angels is requested. If their is any truth to the claim of Fallen in this sector of space, then look to the battle barges of the Angels of Reckoning. There, you will find your traitors. I am mobilizing the remaining brothers of the chapter and have become acting commander. We declare there is no trust amongst the Unforgiven, and you, the original sons of the Lion we hold responsible. The fall originates with you. It is upon your shoulders that our cursed geneseed rests. There is no hope for the damned....End Transmission+

More edits above, look carefully. At this early point, the distrust of the AoE feels a little forced. Unforgiven themselves, the only thing I can suggest is involving some sort of wish/desire that they had never been created to have this burden to bear.

The surviving loyalists under Micharius were left to rebuild. Micharius declared a new heraldry and armor scheme to be commissioned to erase any evidence of the shame that was brought upon the chapter. He was recognized as the new Chapter Master during the War and would continue to bring his chapter back from the brink of extinction. Rising from the ashes of civil war, they stood as the true Angels of Expurgation, and Micharius the one and true Lord Master.

Here I simply recommend a little more mention of the Chapter rededicating themselves to their name.

Micharius let it be known to the Dark Angels Inner Circle that the Angels of Expurgation held no trust or bond towards any of the Unforgiven, and severely condemned the Dark Angels for the original rebellion during the Horus Heresy, bringing damnation and ruin upon all sons of the Lion to begin with.

Ah, now I realize what was bothering me: The AoE are a reenactment of the Fall of the DA. It seems kind of hypocritical to be the loyal survivors of a Chapter betrayal, and then denounce the loyal survivors of a Chapter betrayal. So I'd say think long and hard about what you mean to gain from them having this attitude of distrust, or recognize IN the article that there is hypocrisy afoot.

The landscapes are in perpetual dusk for 12 hours. At night, the skies are clear and the small moon of the system gives off a soothing silver blue glow for the remaining 10 hours of the planetary rotation.

Its not perpetual if it only lasts 12 hours.

The chapter headquarters lies on the edge of the coldest tundra to the north. Built into the side of the mountains, the Citadel

of Sorrows is a massive fortress complex housing the entire chapter.

You've got a number of typos in these paragraphs, give them a run through a word processor. Also, why have you broken these bolded titles into two parts? Citadel of Sorrows can be between one set of bold tags. The more code you have, the higher the risk of problems.

master and veterans joining falling to chaos are known only to the Inner Circles of their chapter and the Dark Angels. The chapter's origins remain undisclosed to the rest of the Unforgiven chapters, causing their cousins to view them with complete distrust.

Why do the others distrust them any more than each other? If there's no knowledge of other treachery, they'd just seem like another Unforgiven Chapter. So not knowing their secret is not an effective reason.

The Emperor's Grace will be upon them once all the Fallen are brought to justice. Only through endless crusadeing to capture the fallen will they gain the Emperor's redemption. It is a test through He on Earth that the chapter continues onwards, facing the trials of blood and sacrifice.

Good stuff, though still some typos. Also, I highly suggest having the Chapter CLAIM that no brother has fallen in 500 years. I don't think there are statistics for the average frequency of marines, DA or otherwise, falling to chaos, and I wouldn't be surprised if they HAD gone 500 years without having traitors(honestly, I think it should be fairly standard/expected), but what with their reputation for distrust, who would know for sure anyway?

Fairly solid stuff, with mostly hiccups in the writing/execution. Just go over everything with a fine tooth comb for typos and redundancies. Note that the Dark Founding has done absolutely nothing for the Chapter, since the time of founding has had no apparent influence on them, and the Dark Founding usually entails more missing information than this. Not a bad thing, just a thing that has no impact.

[XKhalilX]

hey messor thanks alot, i have edited everything you said, tried to clarify some things in writing, etc. I also decided to have the reclusiarch claim no fallen in 500. maybe i should change it to 1000 years. its a small matter, but being Unforgiven, i thought claiming the chaplains (not the chapter) claiming it would further dupe the regular rank and file brothers of the chapter to think more self righteous then they should. The chaplains being inner circle can SAY none of have fallen in such a long period, and be completely lying, but know full well the rank and file battle brothers would believe every word of it.


what do you suggest i go with to make being the 13th founding have an impact and important to the chapter?

and C & C is continually welcomed as I continue to edit and refine the IA

Edited by XKhalilX, 22 April 2013 - 08:12 PM.

[XKhalilX]

any C & C? theres no way it can be done.

i wanted them to be 13th Dark Founding to add to the mystery and secretive nature of the chapter. secret nature is a big thing for them

[Ecritter]

Okay, I'll give it a shot.

 

Founding ... gonna be problems of being earlier then after late M37 the way you have it written.

 

The Dark Angels Chapter Master Anaziel made a strong request of the High Lords of Terra for a Chapter to be raised late in the 37th millennium.  Much debate followed, for it was unheard of for a Chapter Master to make such a request ...

 

That comes straight from C:DA pg 74, concerning the founding of the Disciples of Caliban.

 

Now the problem is, it was completely unheard of late in M37, and you're doing the exact same thing with the DAs alot earlier.  You see the problem?

 

War of Hosts ... eh, problem.  With the history of the DAs, and their push to destroy their own fallen brother ... the thought of a whole chapter falling is pushing it a bit.  In the least the DAs would have destroyed everyone and everything that would have pointed to that, not let another chapter use the "bad" geneseed, and carry on.

 

Also, naming the planet Latera Secundus would more keep in the feel of the terms we know for 40k.

 

Homeworld ... a dying planet, is that really the best place to make a SM homeworld?

 

Organization ... several questions here.

 

- Why are they set up different from all the other Unforgiven chapters?

- You say they recite the War of Hosts, then are told the truth about the War of Hosts.  What are they actually reciting if they don't know what happened?

- You say they decide who is worthy, and tell what happens to them.  What happens to those deemed unworthy?

- Since they're set up differently, who exactly is hunting the Fallen and Twice Shamed?

 

*************************************

 

I hope that helps.

[XKhalilX]

Ecritter, on 24 Apr 2013 - 10:11, said:
Okay, I'll give it a shot.

Founding ... gonna be problems of being earlier then after late M37 the way you have it written.

Quote
The Dark Angels Chapter Master Anaziel made a strong request of the High Lords of Terra for a Chapter to be raised late in the 37th millennium. Much debate followed, for it was unheard of for a Chapter Master to make such a request ...

That comes straight from C:DA pg 74, concerning the founding of the Disciples of Caliban.

Now the problem is, it was completely unheard of late in M37, and you're doing the exact same thing with the DAs alot earlier. You see the problem?

War of Hosts ... eh, problem. With the history of the DAs, and their push to destroy their own fallen brother ... the thought of a whole chapter falling is pushing it a bit. In the least the DAs would have destroyed everyone and everything that would have pointed to that, not let another chapter use the "bad" geneseed, and carry on.

Also, naming the planet Latera Secundus would more keep in the feel of the terms we know for 40k.

Homeworld ... a dying planet, is that really the best place to make a SM homeworld?

Organization ... several questions here.

- Why are they set up different from all the other Unforgiven chapters?
- You say they recite the War of Hosts, then are told the truth about the War of Hosts. What are they actually reciting if they don't know what happened?
- You say they decide who is worthy, and tell what happens to them. What happens to those deemed unworthy?
- Since they're set up differently, who exactly is hunting the Fallen and Twice Shamed?

*************************************

I hope that helps.

thanks critter,

hmmmmm.....well i have to figure out how to go about the origins and creation of the chapter. as i said, i wanna keep it as secretive as possible. i envision the AOE being the msot secretive and distrusted of the all the Unforgiven in regards to the rest of the Unforgiven. Non Unforgiven astartes find them commendable, but Unforgiven absolutely detest them for their shadowy and ultra secrtive nature, and mainly for their blatant hatred for all their cousins.

their homeworld is Lacuna Morda, completely different planet from the one destroyed in the war of hosts. I guess i should write how they discover it. nothing major, just wanted a backwater world they find in their initial years after the war of hosts.

heres and Idea running through my head after your comment:

perhaps i can have my angels of expurgation (AOE) survive not only the war against the parent chapter, BUT survive also a "purging" by the Dark Angels themselves, and my chapter, feeling like they have nothing to lose because they are damned and ruined, they threaten to open up the books on the truth of the Unforgiven to the High Lords of Terra if the DA attempt to destory them. At a stalemate, the DA begrudglingly agree to let the AOE live on, giving them the remaining geneseed of the angels of reckoning and both the AOE and DA agree there is no trust amongst one another, and any future cooperation will be to capture the fallen.

both are weary that the other will "spill the beans" as it were, and so their is zero trust between the two. this also sets up the animosity i am trying to convey between the AOE and the Unforgiven, and perhaps a way to narrate their secretive origins. The AOE keep quiet about the truth of the Unforgiven, and the DA keep quiet about the origins of the AOE.

the geneseed tithe is completely handed over to the AOE, thus the High Lords have no record of origin for the chapter, which would work with the 13th Founding. its not that the geneseed was destroyed or went "missing," but their is simply no official record of their existence. its like a false flag black ops special team. thats the AOE in this regard.


as far the average brother is concerned, the war of hosts was a conflict between forces of chaos and the AOE that was a pivotal point in the beginnings of their inception. once inducted into the lowest level of the AOE Inner Circle, they find out the traitors were in fact their parent chapter, and as they are promoted through the levels of the Inner Circle, they learn that their chapter also had members of the traitors, and find out Lord Master Micharius is NOT the original chapter master, and they learn about Thrael and his men. as they advance further, they will learn the truth of the DA dark history, and everything will tie together for the brother.

As for those deemed unworthy, they can be mindwiped or die under mysterious circumstances. its 40k, anything is possible and a conspiracy.

The 1st and 2nd company hunt the Fallen and Twice Shamed. What I meant by not having a ravenwing, is its not organized into a fast attack company with bikes, and such. its built like a typical 2nd company. sorry i should clarify that more in the IA.

Edited by XKhalilX, 24 April 2013 - 08:10 PM.

[XKhalilX]

Ecritter, what you think of my idea based off your thought process? C and C please people!