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IA - The Praetorians (Chapter)

DIY Chapter Praetorians Raven Guard Successor

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#1
Prefect Apollyon

Prefect Apollyon

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-Except from Administratum database: Index Astartes-

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The Praetorians (Chapter)
The Praetorians are a Chapter believed by the Imperium to have been created in the Thirteenth Founding. They are noted for daring strikes at the heart of the enemy and precise disruptions of enemy infrastructure. They have been declared Lost twice and have been brought to the brink of annihilation on innumerable occasions, but have endured due to the resourcefulness and pragmatism of the Astartes. 
 
Colours and Chapter Symbol
Praetoriantactical-1.jpg
 
ChiRho.jpg
 
Origins

Records Lost
The early history of the Praetorians has been lost to all but themselves. This is not an uncommon occurrence, especially for Dark Founding Chapters, but also due to the Age of Apostasy, which resulted in the loss or destruction of many records.

The loss of records regarding the Void Stalkers Chapter and its demise may not have been caused by the Age of Apostasy, but rather a result of deliberate intent. It is believed by members of the Ordo Scriptus that only one Chapter was involved in their destruction and that the Chapter was the newly-formed Praetorians.

Solid evidence still eludes them, but why this would be the case remains to be discovered. They suspect that the revolt was a much more serious affair than the limited Inquisitorial reports suggest.
Like all of the Chapters founded during the Dark Founding, the reason for their founding have either been deleted from Imperial records or have been lost in time. The only hint to the reason being an early incident regarding the destruction of the renegade Void Stalkers Chapter not long after the Praetorians Founding. The records of the forces involved in the conflict do not name the Astartes Chapter that was present, but the Praetorians own records state they were involved in the conflict. The equipment and fleet of this 4th Founding Chapter vanished after this event, with only past Gene-Seed tithe and scant records of their past remaining to substantiate their existence. 
 
Homeworld
Byzantium is a Feudal World that is located in the centre of a major cluster of systems that form the Byzas Subsector. Aside from the period which trapped the Praetorians in the Sector it is one of the few relatively safe routes for Warp travel in the Northern Segmentum Obscuris. It is a planet where fortified city-states and republics constantly rise and fall across the habitable regions of the planets equator. The planets population is focussed on the main continent, with a large inland sea where the most powerful city-states and republics reside along the coast. This inland sea is dotted with large volcanic islands, the home of port-cities and pirates. This sea is almost divided by a peninsular into two seas. Historically, the city-state or republic who controlled the city built on the peninsular was the most influential (and wealthy) on the planet.

The Byzantines have a classical warrior culture, with the greatest ambition for every boy being to be granted command of their city-state or republics military. However soldiers are almost useless against the sophisticated fortifications of the major towns and cities on the major continent. The generals must rely on subterfuge, sabotage and assassination to allow their armies any chance of occupying these fortresses. As such, each State and Republic have extensive spy networks, as well as highly trained assassins that are recruited from orphans as soon as they can stand to be brilliant, but silent killers. These methods are the only way to have any chance of taking these fortresses without destroying the military, as losing excessive numbers of troops will result in the generals own rapid replacement and disappearance.
 
The population is renowned throughout the Sector as ruthless and cut-throat, happy to murder anyone if it would help to improve their social status. The population is therefore constantly fighting each other, either for the honour of their city-states and republics or for social promotion. As such a strict code of honour has been necessary in the prevention of assassinations, with no-one allowed to go within an arm's length of each other. This has resulted in forging a scheming, deceptive and politically-minded population, very happy to get their hands dirty but also very good at not being caught doing so. To rule in the City-States or Republics is to live a hard and fast existence, with the entire nobility constantly looking for ways to gain greater privileges, usually via a well-placed knife in the dark. 
 
The Byzantines view the Praetorians the same way they view each other; with great suspicion, but with a general acknowledgment that their presence provides long term protection against a Galaxy of horrors. Finding a population with similar ideals that the Chapter upholds, the Praetorians established their Fortress-monastery; Castra Praetoria. The Fortress and city that surrounds it is situated on the peninsular which forms a bottleneck of the major inland sea, allowing the occupant of the city to control all trade between the major city-states and republics. The location was formerly controlled by the rebels of the planet when the Praetorians arrived, and thus received their highest level of attention. Castra Praetoria is now viewed by the Byzantines as a reminder of who holds supreme power over the population, but also of the glories and majesty of the Imperium.
 
Early History

The Praetorians built a reputation as a ruthless fleet-based Chapter, famed for their flexibility and on destroying their opponent's leadership structures rapidly. The first know Imperial record of the Chapter in action being the cleansing of Nerus, a rebel Forge World in the Segmentum Obscurus. In this they won great renowned for their rapid assault on the Ad Mechs headquarters early into the campaign, disrupting the rebel Skitarii legions, resulting in a fast conclusion and surrender of the rebels. Prior to this, there are Imperial reports that suggest they took part in the conflicts revolving around the Age of Apostasy and Plague of Unbelief.

Another notable campaign in their early history was a crusade into the Halo Stars region. They wished to bring the Halo Stars region into the Imperium, and hopefully re-discover lost human colonies. Here they lost contact with the Imperium for two centuries, only to resurface below half-strength to declare only the dead reside in those stars, giving no other explanation for their absence or heavy losses.

The reason for abandoning their fleet-based past was due to the events now remembered as the Pacification. The Praetorians were requested by Lord Solar Theodosius to spear-head the assault on the Byzas Sector; only infamous for being a hotbed for Xenos, rebels and pirates on the Northern edge of the Galaxy. The campaign was a drawn out affair due to the sheer number of different rebel factions, but ended with great success for the Imperial forces. However during the campaign, the Chapters Librarians and Astropaths felt great turbulence in the Warp, which was confirmed by a Warp storm erupting into existence, engulfing the entire sector, cutting them off from the rest of the Galaxy. Undaunted, they continued their mission until completion.
 
This period of isolation from the Imperium was to last for over a Millennia. What exactly transpired during this period of isolation, just like the Halo Stars incident remains a complete mystery to the Imperium, and is never openly discussed by this reserved Chapter.

Upon the Warp storm abating, the Inquisition moved into the Sector and assessed the Chapter. Finding the Chapter to still be completely loyal despite their isolation from the Imperium, the Inquisitors recommended that the Praetorians be gifted the Byzantine System formally and charged with garrisoning the Sector. This the Chapter were granted and to this day the Praetorians now garrison one of the few reliable routes through the Northern reaches of the Segmentum Obscuris. 
 
Since the end of their isolation, to continue their tradition as a fleet-based Chapter the Prefect Heraclius started a two-Company crusade to last for a century a time. This has resulted in their involvement in conflicts all across Imperial space, but in particular the conflicts surrounding the Eye of Terror, including the Gothic War. Details of the conflicts these Crusades fight in are fragmentary at best, at worst result in the disappearance of two whole Companies for a whole century before returning to Byzantium.

Recent History

Centenary Crusade
The Chapters past is a strong source of pride for the Praetorians, and their past as a fleet-based Chapter is of particular importance. Indeed if it was not for the fact that they were granted the planet and had resided among their population for over a Millennium, they almost certainly would have taken to their old ways again.

 

They still retain a particularly large fleet, alongside the Imperial Navy stationed in the Subsector. To not be found idle, each Century two Companies from the Chapter, alongside the entire Scout Company take part in a Centenary Crusade. In this they feel they can send aid to other Sectors, or even different Segmentum when the need is particularly dire elsewhere, such as during the Macharian Crusade, and also the ensuing Heresy.

The greatest threat to the Byzas Sector in the last century was a revolt against Imperial rule, believed to have been instigated by the Alpha Legion two solar years after the Justinian Plague ravaged the Sector, resulting in the death of the Guard Stratagos Justinian. Initial conflict led to substantial losses, mainly due to the rebels hitting simultaneously on many different key planets throughout the Sector, which overwhelmed the Praetorians and Guard Regiments. Captain Apollyon of the 3rd Company was elected to the position of Prefect, mainly due to his Company getting results against the uprising. The Prefects more patient hit and run policy, designed to probe the rebels bases for weaknesses soon put the rebels onto the back-foot. This resulted in a swift conclusion to the conflict, however in the final days of the campaign, the Alpha Legionnaires escaped the battle and the Sector.

In the final years of the M41, the Praetorians have been charged by the Ordo Hereticus and Xenos with the pacification of the neighbouring Pergamus Sector, since it has largely fallen into rebellion. Upon hearing that this rebellion is fronted by a Chapter located in the Sector, Prefect Apollyon has issued the mobilisation of six of the Chapters Companies with the intention of destroying the rebel Astartes in this Sector, supported by the regiments of Guard raised on the planet Thassalos, the other inhabited planet in the Byzantine system.

At the same time, as is tradition within the Chapter two Companies are on a century long Crusade. This is a tradition to remind the Praetorians of their past as a fleet-based Chapter. Currently the IV and V Companies are en-route to the Eye of Terror to help the desperate defence of the Cadian Gate from the 13th Black Crusade.

Timeline
M36
Early M36 - War of Brothers: The Praetorians records state involvement in the renegade Void Stalker Chapters destruction. All Imperial records remain classified regarding the conflict.
Early M36 - Age of Apostasy & Plague of Unbelief: Conflicting reports suggest Praetorians took part in these conflicts.
516.M36 - Nerus Rebellion: Forge World Nerus revolts, Praetorians commit the II Company. Rebel leaders killed in there first assault. First known engagement of Praetorians to the Imperium.

M37
209-513.M37 - Halo Crusade: Entire Chapter deployed to search the Halo Stars for human occupation. Contact is lost with the Imperium for two centuries; Chapter declared lost 342.M37. Praetorians re-emerge from the Halo Stars with only four Companies remaining. Contact re-established with Imperium. Praetorians report that the Halo Stars are only inhabited by the dead. Despite the losses, they immediately offer aid to the Iron Knights Chapter, with their howeworld under siege by an unknown Xenos threat.
550-560.M37 - Occlusiad Wars: Chapter played some part in the war against the Apostles of the Blind King. Exactly what role remains a mystery.

M38
101.M38 - The Watch: Chapter spends several centuries patrolling the Eye of Terror, aids in the defence during 9th Black Crusade.
877.M38 - The Pacification: Lord Solar Theodosius requests Praetorians aid in purging the Byzas Sector. When the campaign is near completion, a Warp storm erupts, trapping Imperial forces in the Sector for over a Millennia. Declared Lost to the Imperium.

M39
M39 - Insolation: The Chapter is not seen or heard from for the entire M39 due to the Warp storm. What transpires in the Sector remains a mystery to the Imperium.

M40
131.M40 - Isolations End: Warp storm abates, and reveals the Praetorians in control of the Byzas System. Formally gifted Byzantium as a Homeworld for remaining loyal.
139.M40 - Crusaders Legacy: Prefect Heraclius declares century long fleet action on the boarder of the Eye of Terror. The V & VIII Companies are the first dispatched.
619.M40 - Wraagh! Gorgotha: Ork invasion sweeps the Byzas Subsector. It is halted and crushed on Byzantines moon, Constance II, but not before the II & IX Companies were wiped out.

M41
139.M41 - Gothic War: Companies III & IV take part in the Gothic War against the Despoiler. Heavy losses suffered during the battles in the Schindlegeist system.
979-981.M41 - Insurrection: Revolts break out all across the Byzas Subsector, two years after the start of the Justinian Plague. Heavy initial losses. Captain Apollyon declared Prefect. Tide turns against the rebels. Finally beaten above the planet Megara, but Alpha Legion cell responsible escapes.
997-present day.M41 - Pergamus Purging: Beginning of a crusade against the Pergamus Sector, after it fell to revolt and xenos  invasion. Conflict on-going.
999-present day.M41 - 13th Black Crusade: IV & VI Companies dispatched to aid in the defence of the Cadian Gate.

Gene-Seed
The Gene-Seed is stable and exceptionally pure, with the only mutation being to the Occulobe, causing the iris of all Marines to turn orange or red. The Neophytes produced by this Chapter are renowned for their relatively rapid development into Astarte form, and the quality of the Marines that are produced. This is at complete odds with the Praetorians claimed descent from Corax, the Primarch of the Raven Guard, with a Gene-Seed that is known to be deteriorating.
 
As such, there Gene-Seed has been analysed on numerous occasions by the Adeptus Mechanicus. Their findings have publicly concluded that the Gene-Seed is indeed descended from the Raven Guards, but the actual reports have never been made available. The Raven Guard themselves have never acknowledged the genetic link to the Praetorians. Whether this is because they just do not want any link to be known, or because they do not believe there is a link remains a mystery.
 
Beliefs
Like most Astartes, they do not view the Emperor as a God, but as the greatest example of Humanity, a pinnacle whose example all should strive towards. As with most Chapters who share this view, this puts them at odds with the Ecclesiarchy, but there is little ill-will between the two organisations.
 
They maintain strong contacts with the Mechanicum, despite finding the worship and hoarding of technology distasteful. Reports suggest that the Praetorians secured a working STC in their reclamation of the Byzas Sector and gifted it to the Mechanicum upon the end of their isolation. These reports remain unsubstantiated, but it would explain there armoury being particularly well-stocked even after extensive periods of isolation.  

The Praetorians have always been renowned throughout the Imperium as being ruthless and efficient, even before their isolation. Recruiting from the Byzantine population has only heightened this sense of identity and their secretive nature. They were greatly influenced by the Chapter Master Scapula, who adopted Byzantium as there Homeworld, and with it adopted many of the Byzantines cultural practices, such as the Byzantine code of honour and the local language.

Organisation
The Praetorians broadly follow the tactics presented in the Codex Astartes, though like the Raven Guard they do not see the Codex as infallible and emphasise more flexibility in interpretation to suit their own fighting preferences. The Chapter deviates from the Codex in the structure of its Companies; most notably that there Battle Companies have there own Veterans. The I Company are specialised in boarding actions, so still maintain the Tactical Dreadnaught Armour and most of the Centurion War suits, though its members are not considered "Veterans." The X Company is a standard Scout Company, however when the Neophytes are close to completing their training and development they are selected by a Company to finish training alongside there future Battle Brothers depending on their mentality and skill set. This is a legacy of their isolation, with all Companies being required to fight on multiple planets and systems with no hope of outside support.
 
To honour their past as a fleet-based Chapter, two Companies are launched into a Century-long crusade which has seen the Chapter fight all over the Galaxy. The two Companies selected also take the Scout Companies entire collection of Neophytes with them to maintain there numbers during the Crusade, meaning that once every Century the X Company has to be completely replaced with fresh recruits.

Titles also differ from Codex Chapters, the Chapter Master being referred to as the Prefect though their function is usually identical, other titles for Codex units are referred to by the Byzantine languages interpretation, such as the Honour Guard being the famed Varangian Guard. The Kataphraktos make up the land vehicles of the Chapter, including Bikers, tanks and Land Speeders.

Recruitment
Each Company is responsible for completing the training of Neophytes. This is done to allow the Companies to focus on there specialty, and recruit appropriately.

As the population of Byzantium is in a state of constant war among themselves, they make for brilliant recruits for the Astartes. Those that reside among the city-states where most recruits originate from, are trained as soon as they are able to fight. The only time the Byzantines will trust another being when they are marching to war together. Hypnotherapy is only utilised to ingrain trust for their fellow Battle Brothers to temper the populations cutthroat nature.
 
The most notable quirk of there recruits is the speed with which they mature into their Astartes form, and the individual quality of the neophytes. The reason for these quirks are unknown to all outside of the highest ranking members of the Adeptus Mechanicus considering the Chapters claimed descent from the XIX Legion.   

Combat Doctrine
The Codex Astartes is viewed with high regard by the Praetorians, even if they do not follow it to the letter. They see the Codex as a great guide, but not infallible and thus open to interpretation and change if the situation demands it. Many speculate this unpredictability originates from there conflicts with renegade Chapters and Traitor Legions, who are either ingrained with the teachings or have experience fighting against its teachings.
 
The Praetorians put greatest emphasis on eliminating command and supply structures, resulting in the rapid collapse of the opposing military. More emphasis was put on this maxim during their periods of isolation, where they had no hope of reinforcements or resupplies and therefore had to plan every use of resource with meticulous detail.

Thus their attacks initially involve stealth and reconnaissance, followed by rapid insertion of forces to key positions. When on the back-foot, they utilise sorties, hit-and run tactics, though this is usually intended to be a precursor to getting back on the offensive. They are known to have the uncanny ability to hit an opponent where they are most vulnerable, which is achieved through the diligent work of their Scouts. The Praetorians take the lessons they learn while Neophytes very seriously, allowing them to approach an enemy without alerting them. Usually the first moment the enemy notices the Praetorians is the flash of their Bolters at close range.

Equipment
Due to their periods of isolation from the Imperium, the Praetorians do not count on being resupplied for long periods of time. This has resulted in the recycling of armour, weapons and vehicles, and with the loss of most of their Land Raiders. Only a single Land Raider Redeemer, Byzantines Flame is still in service. The Prefect himself must sanction its use; such is its importance to the Chapter.

Notable Members of the Praetorians
Prefect Apollyon - Current Chapter Master, formerly Captain of the III Company. Ended the Cultist insurrection in the Byzas Sector, currently leading the Pergamus campaign. Known for being calculating, patient and resilient; he was seen as the best option for leadership during the insurrections.
Prefect Heraclius - Former Chapter Master. Began Century long crusading tradition after Isolation period.
Chapter Master Scapula - Former Chapter Master. Reorganized the Chapter after the Pacification events.
Codicier Garro - Librarian, earning distinction in the 13th Black Crusade.

Notable Elements of the Praetorians
Megara - Flagship and former Fortress-monastery. Details as to when the Praetorians acquired this Battle-Barge is unclear, it was first sighted in the Nerus Rebellion.
Byzantines Flame - Land Raider Redeemer, earned distinction during the period of Isolation in the Byzas Sector.
Blade of Valens - Polearm that dates back to the Chapters campaign in the Halo Stars, this has been the Prefects symbol of office since there return to Imperial space. 

Motto
Per ardua.
(Through adversity).


Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 08 May 2016 - 04:31 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#2
Naminé

Naminé

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Obviously, keeping an eye on this one.  Eerie :P



#3
Prefect Apollyon

Prefect Apollyon

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  • Faction: Sons of Andraste
Added a "Timeline."

@Namine - As I will be watching your own Praetorian Marines :)

Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 12 November 2013 - 11:39 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#4
Olis

Olis

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Now, as with all IA's and criticism, some of it may sound harsh or overly critical - unfortunately that's the way it comes across sometimes. Also, answering the points raised in a later post is good - just be sure to amend the original document in response, too. msn-wink.gif

 

The Praetorians (Chapter)

The Praetorians are a Chapter of unknown descent to the Imperium, believed to have been created in the Thirteenth Founding.

 

Believed by whom? The chapter itself or the Imperium? Or is it both? I know the question does verge on pedantry but I'm one of those people who doesn't like vagueness in IA's. tongue.png

 

They are noted for the pacification and leadership of the Byzantine Subsector,

 

Anything else at all? I think the pacification bit is all well and dandy but leadership of a sub-sector is not exactly a necessary note (nor does it sound quite right - astartes generally aren't allowed positions of power or influence for good reason).

 

and their preference for eliminating command and supply structures.

 

So... 'daring strikes at the heart of the enemy and bold disruptions of enemy infrastructure'? My point is - look at the quote and then look at my interpretation. Which one sounds juicier to you? smile.png

 

Origins

No records of their founding are known, but they are believed to be part of the Dark Founding. The reason for their founding and the origin of their gene-seed is unknown. They originally built a reputation as a ruthless fleet-based Chapter, famed for their focus on destroying their opponent’s leadership structure. The first know record of the Chapter in action being in the cleansing of Nerus, a rebel Forge World in the Segmentum Obscurus.

 

So... why are there no records of their founding or gene-seed? What mad event could wipe these records? Was it chapter specific, or could it have been the result of an edict from an authority of higher standing than the chapter itself? Like, for example, the High Lords or the Inquisition?

 

At least with their gene-seed they could (or the AdMech could) analyse it and speculate/know that it was originally from - let's say the Raven Guard - a particular Legion. Of course, they might not know for sure but at least they've taken a punt and tried to find out. Just saying it's all unknown smacks of lazy writing, to be brutally honest. You need to ask yourself 'why' about many of these things and think about what could logically happen/what is the logical cause of such a thing.

 

Also - sentence number two is almost redundant. It doesn't really need to be said. You could rewrite sentences one and two to have the same meaning with less words, imho.

 

This all changed with the events now remembered as the “Pacification.” The Praetorians were charged with spear-heading the assault on the Byzantine Sector;

 

Charged by whom?

 

only famous for being a hotbed for Xenos, rebels and pirates on the Northern edge of the Galaxy.

 

Sorry, pedantry rising again - the word you want is infamous rather than 'famous' - the former means that something is well known for bad reasons, the latter for good reasons (and drop 'only', as it doesn't need to be there).

 

 The campaign was a drawn out affair, but ended with great success for the Imperial forces. However during the campaign, a Warp storm engulfed the entire sector, cutting them off from the rest of the Galaxy. Undaunted, the continued their mission until completion.

 

Why was it a drawn out affair? Did the enemies of the Imperium remain elusive? Were they far more numerous than expected? Did they have backup or a strength of arms that hadn't been counted upon? 

 

I think you need to expand upon the reaction and response to being cut off from the rest of the Imperium by the chapter. How did they find out they were cut off? Did they lose ships because of it? Were their Astropaths and Navigators aware of the situation and report to the chapter?

 

 However, the Warp storm had still not abated, so Chapter Master Scapula realised his Chapter and the other Imperial forces were trapped in the Sector, and set about the task of establishing a base for his Chapter and work towards improving the Sectors productivity and efficiency.

 

The productivity and the efficiency of a sector's populace is not the remit of a chapter. That the chapter remains sufficiently supplied, however, is.

 

 Taking the primary planet and system in the heart of the Sector, Byzantium, he established the Fortress-monastery; Castra Praetoria, and began recruiting from the System. The Praetorians established stable government on all planets in the Sector, establishing multiple Agri and Forge worlds to feed and supply the growing population and the Chapter.

 

Why did the chapter choose the primary planet of the sector? Were the other planets available not as likely to provide suitable recruits? It seems unlikely. Most chapter's will choose a world that provides many hardships for it's population, just so that the chapter can choose recruits that are, more than likely, natural born warriors or bona fide psychopaths. 

 

Again, the whole stable government thing is not really the remit of the chapter. That's the job for the administratum. The chapter itself could, theoretically, strike pacts with Forge Worlds, offering protection in return for war materiel and general supply. Agri worlds don't really need to factor in to this, as the chapter could get everything it needs directly from the AdMech.

 

Upon the Warp storm abating, the Byzantine Sector had been transformed into one of the most stable and productive Sectors in the entire Segmentum Obscurus. The System was formally gifted to the Praetorians by the Administratum two decades later in recognition of their successes.

 

1) 'Most stable and productive' is... boring, frankly. Where's the challenge for a chapter if their home territory is a carbon copy of Ultramar? It seems way too much like a 'happy ending' for that IA section to me

 

2) The system being 'gifted' by the administratum is wrong twice-over - firstly, the chapter is already there. They have a chapter monastery on the ground and everything. The administratum has no say in the matter. Secondly, two decades sounds like a short amount of time for the administratum to do anything official regarding rewarding a chapter for something so... bureaucratic. 'Paperwork' is pretty much the bane of the administratum.

 

 Recent History

The greatest threat to the Byzantine Sector in the last century was a revolt against Imperial rule, believed to have been instigated by the Alpha Legion. The decentralised leadership was alien to the Praetorians, and initial conflict led to substantial losses, including the Prefect. The young Captain of the 3rd Company, Apollyon was elected to the position for his unconventional methods, mainly due to his Company getting results against the uprising. He enacted a Scorched Earth policy, destroying the rebels supplies. This resulted in a swift conclusion to the conflict, however the Alpha Legionnaires escaped the Sector.

 

Uh... a 'Scorched Earth' policy would necessitate the destruction of cities, valuable supplies/food and probably a purge of certain sections of the Imperial populace for it to be effective. This would be quite a bloody length to go given that such methods or mindset have not been alluded to until this point in this article. 

 

Also - how would the chapter know the Alpha Legion escaped? 

 

 In the final years of the M41, the Praetorians have been charged with the pacification of the neighbouring Pergamus Sector. Prefect Apollyon has issued the mobilisation of the Chapter with the intention of adding the Pergamus Sector back into the Imperium and establishing the same stable government and economy that is now the hallmark of the Byzantine Sector.

 

So... what is wrong with the Pergamus sector? Is there a Waaagh! occurring there? Has it rebelled against Imperial rule? 

 

Also - as it cannot be said enough, providing stable governments and economy are not a chapter's remit, regardless of whether the Ultramarines did it during the Great crusade or not. They are there to combat the enemy within, the enemy without and the enemy beyond. Ruling their homeworld can be an added bonus, however (just not the whole government/economy shtick).  

 

 

Homeworld

Until the turn of the M38, the entire Byzantine Sector was a hotbed for Xenos, rebels, heretics and pirates on the edge of the Segmentum Obscurus.

 

This is almost a word-for-word repeat of what you said earlier. Hit the delete button.

 

This changed when the fleet-based Praetorians arrived and pacified the Sector.

 

I don't know about you, but I'd replace 'pacified' with 'purged'. Purging sounds much more like what marines do. msn-wink.gif

 

The planet and System Byzantium was a notable exception. Throughout the turmoil surrounding them, Byzantium had maintained a structured government and loyalty to the Imperium. 

 

Really? I thought you said "The Praetorians established stable government on all planets in the Sector"? (Earlier criticism notwithstanding.)

 

 Byzantium boasts a unique culture, with impressive architecture and fortifications, as well as boasting one of the largest library in the Segmentum. Impressed with the planets population and stability, the Praetorians believed locating their Fortress-monastery on Byzantium was the natural choice, boasting a central location in the Sector and brilliant natural resources.

 

Switch out either 'boasts' or 'boasting' for a similar word. It's pretty much a repetition that's not necessary. Now, forgive me for saying so, but your chapter homeworld sounds a lot like it's a 'special snowflake'. It allegedly escaped the turmoil the rest of the sector suffered (without an explanation why), it has a 'unique culture' (which has not been explained), it has "impressive architecture and fortifications" (but hasn't been described or compared to anything else), it has one of the largest libraries in the Segmentum (the Segmentum, mind you, not the Sector), it has "brilliant natural resources" (which should have been strip-mined a looong time ago by at least the native populace, if not the Imperium, should the technology level of this place be anything above 'feudal') and it is situated in a favourable location in the Sector. There has been no mention of hardships for the population there, no mention of what life was like prior to the chapter arriving and no mention of any trouble there in regard to interaction with the natives after they had arrived. 

 

This chapter and their homeworld are too squeaky clean, brother. They need more hardship, fewer grand achievements and less advantages. 

 

Gene-Seed

The Gene-Seed is stable and functional, with the only mutation being to the Occulobe, causing the iris of all Marines to turn orange or red.

 

Seems like an... odd mutation to choose to give your chapter, brother. Why this?

 

 The origins are completely unknown. Most suggest the Praetorians are scions of Guilliman, however this is mainly due to the fact that most Successor Chapters are descended from his line. Those that point to the similarities in culture do not take into account their past as originally being a fleet-based Chapter. For there part, the Praetorians are not interested in finding out who their Progenitor is, as it has no effect on their combat abilities.

 

'Their' needs to replace 'there'. 

 

Now, why did you say the chapter has no interest in finding out where they come from? Almost all chapter's are highly proud of heritage and lineage, so why would the Praetorians wish to ignore such a highly prized piece of chapter culture? Saying that they don't care because it has no bearing on their combat abilities sounds very much like a cop out, I think. 

 

 Beliefs

Like most Astartes, they do not view the Emperor as a God, but as the greatest example of Humanity. As they do not know which Primarch they descend from, they hold greatest reverence for the Emperor.

 

Which is fair enough, I suppose. There is little here I could honestly criticise.

 

 The Praetorians view themselves as the guardians of the Byzantine Sector, and due to their long isolation with the Byzantine people have a great empathy with the people and their unique culture.

 

Again the unique culture. If you are to reference such a thing, then you must describe it, otherwise the disconnect with the reader is too great for them to care about such a 'unique culture'.

 

 Organisation

The Praetorians broadly follow the tactics presented in the Codex Astartes, though they do not view it as infallible and place an emphasis on tactical flexibility. The Chapter deviates from the Codex in the structure of its Companies; there is no Reserve, Scout or Veteran Companies. Each Company is placed in charge of its own recruitment, has its own Veterans and all equipment is shared out equally between the Companies.

 

So there some minor deviance from the codex. Okay. Here's the question: Why? What has prompted them to diverge from the codex? Just being divergent for the sake of it is just not good enough.

 

Titles also differ from Codex Chapters, the Chapter Master being referred to as the “Prefect.” The Prefect not only rules the Chapter, but also the entire Byzantine Subsector.

 

Whoa there. Um. No. Just no. The chapter master has far too much on his plate looking after his own chapter to bother looking after the mortal populations of an entire subsector. Unless it's an honourary title, this is a pointless detail that deserves being binned. Just because the Ultramarines do it (or at least do something like it), doesn't mean everyone else's can too. There is a reason the Ultramarines are... unique.

 

Many standard Codex units also have different names, though their function is usually identical, such as the Honour Guard being the famed “Varangian Guard,” and all Bikers and Land Speeders being referred to as the “Kataphraktos.”

 

Is there any particular reason why the units have been named differently? Homeworld culture, perhaps?

 

 Combat Doctrine

The Praetorians put greatest emphasis on eliminating command and supply structures, resulting in the collapse of the opposing military. They advocate that a single knife in the dark can be worth one hundred Bolters in the day. Thus their attacks initially involve stealth and rapid insertion of forces to key positions.

 

When on the back-foot, they utilise hit-and-run and ambush strategies, though this is usually intended to be a precursor to getting back on the offensive.

 

I'm telling you, drop the unknown gene-seed thing and just plump for the Raven Guard. The MO of this chapter makes a massive amount of logical sense when they come from the Raven Guard. 

 

 Motto

"An enemy that does not know they are under attack is already dead."

 

Not bad. A bit wordy, but not bad.

 

 

As you can see, I've skipped commenting on the timeline - I think I'd rather wait to see this article was firmed up before criticising that. Despite the 'bowling ball' nature of my criticism, I hope I at least helped you think on what to change and what to add to make this a better article, brother.


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#5
Shinzaren

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I think the only issue I have with this article is one that Olisredan has already hit upon. The ruling of the sub-sector. The resources of a Sub-Sector or System are VAST, almost beyond imagination. The amount of manpower, firepower, and wealth that rests in the hands of the ruler of a System is large, comparable at times to the might of entire chapters of Space Marines, more so in an economic sense. The dictates of the Codex Astartes prevent the commanding of Guard or PDF regiments because of the fear of one man acquiring too much power and becoming a threat to himself and the Imperium. When you talk about running a system and being granted the rule of a system, that entails the command of all Guard regiments raised by the native worlds, a portion of all planetary tithes, the authority over local governors and their PDF regiments, and the local Naval assets assigned to the sector. That is a LOT of authority, especially when coupled with the 1000 marines already waiting for their Master's command to be unleashed. The Imperium does not one person to have that much power, excepting the HIgh Lord of Terra.  They aren't comfortable with anything that is large enough to threaten them. 



#6
Prefect Apollyon

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Well, I have since edited this article in line with the C&C provided, only to have a wall of code.


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#7
Olis

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Ah. That is... unfortunate, brother. Short of doing it for you, the help I can provide is limited; I only advise to sorting out the article text from the code in a text file, save it, and then paste it to here and format it here. That way you'll still have a backup copy of what you have if the process doesn't stick this time around. confused.gif


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#8
Prefect Apollyon

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Right! Sorted that mess out! Removed the Timeline because it was impossible to separate from the code.

 

Keep the C&C coming. I originally wrote this two years ago. Last thing I want is a snowflake Mary Sue.


Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 13 November 2013 - 10:45 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#9
Prefect Apollyon

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Added a colour scheme. Criticism on this is also welcome.


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#10
Olis

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I think red wrists, elbows and knees are going to be a real pita to paint. Might I recommend a alternative? How about, as a change, red legs from the knees down and red arms. The helmet and the trim could stay the same though, I think.


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#11
Prefect Apollyon

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You underestimate my mad painting skills!

 

But I've had a look, seems like a decent alternative.

 

As a side note, is there a site that helps you create Chapter badges? My painting skills are decent, but my Paint skills are awful.

 

EDIT: Recruitment section added, along with lots of editing of the other sections. C&C welcome as always.


Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 14 November 2013 - 06:19 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#12
Prefect Apollyon

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Finalised the colour scheme, and edited parts of the Index 


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#13
Olis

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The colour scheme looks good - is there any reason why the feet remain black?


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#14
Prefect Apollyon

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The colour scheme looks good - is there any reason why the feet remain black?

None particularly. I did initially make them the same red hue, but I tried black and it stuck.

 

Will be adding the timeline, redone back soon.


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#15
Prefect Apollyon

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Editing done, Elements and Equipment added.


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#16
Prefect Apollyon

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Right, need help picking an symbol for the Chapters heraldry. I've gone for a Byzantine Empire feel, so which of the following would you guys suggest;

 

ByzantineCross.png

 

Or

 

Byzantine.jpg

 

Or any other suggestions?

 

I will be using these for designs on standards and Combat/Storm Shields.


Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 17 November 2013 - 09:59 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#17
helterskelter

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The first one, the more simple the better and easier for you to paint
gallery_48988_10980_7442.png

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#18
Prefect Apollyon

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The first one, the more simple the better and easier for you to paint

I was thinking the same thing. Probably will include the other in Company/Chapter standards though.

 

Cheers!


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#19
Messor

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The Praetorians look to be in fairly good shape. My strongest recommendation would be to review it several times and look for wordy or extraneous parts, anything that can afford to be pruned back/refined. What I noticed was mostly grammar hiccups, but there's also a lot of unnecessary religion of them being Dark Founding and what that means.

Img_CH00_08Awards_02_LPC_2013A.gif
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DIY Concept Thread- Community Inspiration

This plan is so subject to change it hates Nurgle.


#20
Prefect Apollyon

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The Praetorians look to be in fairly good shape. My strongest recommendation would be to review it several times and look for wordy or extraneous parts, anything that can afford to be pruned back/refined. What I noticed was mostly grammar hiccups, but there's also a lot of unnecessary religion of them being Dark Founding and what that means.

Will do then, cheers for the input.

 

I'll prune the Dark Founding parts.

 

EDIT: I've pruned some parts and tried to improve the grammar, do point out any I've missed (I have a bad habit of mixing up my "there" and "their").


Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 18 November 2013 - 05:08 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#21
Prefect Apollyon

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Here is the Chapter Symbol;

 

 

No idea how to put it on the Tactical Marine at the top. Cannot get my head around GIMP.


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#22
Lord-Captain Cepinari

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You do know that's the actual real-life symbol for the Eastern Orthodox church, right?


CURRENT PROJECT: The Tarantulas Chapter- http://www.bolterand...ntulas-chapter/

The Death Leopards- http://www.bolterand...death-leopards/

Reinventing Chaos- http://www.bolterand...nventing-chaos/

Legends of the Chapter- http://www.bolterand...of-the-chapter/

#23
Prefect Apollyon

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Yup. Just come back from months of travel through Eastern Europe. Was all over the place.

 

Would this be tactless? If so, do you have any suggestions for a replacement?


Edited by Prefect Apollyon, 21 November 2013 - 08:54 PM.

Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 


#24
Lord-Captain Cepinari

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No more tactless than someone using the Catholic or Protestant crosses, the Star of David, the Wheel of Buddhism, the Ying-Yang of Taoism, etc.  It's a real symbol with actual real-life meaning attached to it, so by using it for a Chapter symbol it could be argued that you are trivializing their faith.


CURRENT PROJECT: The Tarantulas Chapter- http://www.bolterand...ntulas-chapter/

The Death Leopards- http://www.bolterand...death-leopards/

Reinventing Chaos- http://www.bolterand...nventing-chaos/

Legends of the Chapter- http://www.bolterand...of-the-chapter/

#25
Prefect Apollyon

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No more tactless than someone using the Catholic or Protestant crosses, the Star of David, the Wheel of Buddhism, the Ying-Yang of Taoism, etc.  It's a real symbol with actual real-life meaning attached to it, so by using it for a Chapter symbol it could be argued that you are trivializing their faith.

I take your point. Could be offensive. Will look for a new symbol.

 

Going to do a bit more editing to the IA, bring it in line with events such as the Age of Apostasy.


Praetorians, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...orians-chapter/ (Finished)

Warp Stalkers, DIY Renegades - http://www.bolterand...negade-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

Sons of Andraste, DIY Chapter - http://www.bolterand...draste-chapter/ (C&C Welcome).

 






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