The Liber Cluster

[Ace Debonair]

Comb (or brush if that's your fancy) away.

I like the edits Ace.

Excellent!

 

Now I've just got to wait and see what The Promethean thinks.

[Tiberius Cato]

I'm liking the story Ace! I really like the suprise ambush by the Lions, and it may have very well turned out differently if the two chapters had colaborated.

 

I'm interested in how the story will unfold.

[Olis]

Looking better after the edit, Ace. 

 

Does anyone want to give a brief summary so far of who's done what in the EWC (Eighteen Worlds Crusade)? I know there a victory on mine and Wade's end but I think it's about time someone else trawled the thread for a catch-up post, instead of it being me again. :P

[deathspectersgt7]

Finished the All-Seers part.

[Astus]

And I'm back from the dead again.

 

Ace: It looks really good, just one little thing. I see the Heralds having aircraft other than Stormtalons, particularly within the 4th Brotherhood. So, there would be several Stormraven transports, and a few Storm Eagles and Caestus Assault Rams too. The company that arrives at Venet is the 4th Brotherhood led by Captain Keldier.

I like the Heralds pilot being the sole survivor, and the Bone-Seers may 'guide' him in his opinion. In fact, I'm considering writing up some background on the Heralds' pilots.

 

I've scrapped my vignette, so I'll write up some background on the 4th Brotherhood, the Heralds pilots, Battlefleet Yamatus, and possibly the Venet Light Infantry and the Aetheric Swords' Second Company as well.

[Olis]

Fine toothed comb deployed, as requested. ^_^

 

A red and yellow armoured marine filled the screen. He was tearing the head from a Coyote guard. 

 

These sentences can easily be combined without any problems. Dropping the full stop and the 'He was' should do it.

 

Fires could be seen in the background. 

 

Fires can be replaced with a little more descriptive terms, such as 'A raging inferno' or 'Unattended flames'. 

 

The image quickly scanned across many similar incidents around the main armoury. 

 

I recommend swapping 'image' for 'pict-recorder' (or 'camera' if you must) and replace 'scanned' with 'panned'.

 

It zoomed out allowing a view of the entire engagement, small though it may be. The Coyotes were being driven from the center of the fort structure by roughly 20 marines. 

 

I suggest dropping 'roughly'. The is from recorded images, so an accurate head count is likely. 

 

A few dead priests lay outside a wrecked enemy gunship. 

 

Which priests? Enemy priests? Loyalist priests? Imperial priests? Mechanicus (tech)priests? A teeny bit more info (one word) would help here.

 

Cogitor feeds running at the side of the image started to light up. AET Warning, Allow? Once selected the marines lit up in red orange. Additionally an orange dotted line appeared outlining their positioning. Various tactical outputs showed that this line was a circle never more than 127 yards in radius. It’s center appeared to be moving about within the munitions building.

 

I suggest seperating the highlighted words (make them effectively their own paragraph) and centralising them using the appropriate format button.

 

The barrel of a rifle appeared at the bottom of the screen while a targeting matrix overlay lit up in green. The rifle moved and then the image zoomed in until the targeting crosshairs hovered over the munitions building. An ammunitions list appeared in the right in green and scrolled down until turbo penetrator flashed and was selected. A component of the rifle rotated into place and engaged. Cogitor generated numbers continued down the left bottom corner of the screen while the crosshairs continued to hover over a small orange polygon near center. The vertices were connected by thin lines to the marines around the perimeter. The polygon continued to shift and contort. When it resolved to a point under the crosshairs there was a flash from the rifle. After recovering from recoil the rifle dropped from sight and the image quickly zoomed out to survey the entire scene.

 

There's isn't something specific that I can put my finger on but I feel that this paragraph uses far more words than it should to say a few simple things. I humbly suggest rewriting it to sound a little less clunky.

 

The marines were no longer fighting as a group but running towards the nearest surviving member of the Coyotes they could find, seemingly with no regards to their own safety. The face of an Ash Wolves squad leader appeared in the top right corner of the image with dialog transcrived below.

 

---BEGIN COMMUNICATION---

Enemy behavior has changed, Mitan, engage?

Engage. Divide and Destroy Alshar.

---END COMMUNICATION.---

 

Again, centralise the highlighted bit - I think it'll look better.

 

The face disappeared before several Ash Wolves came out of a building at the edge of the fort. They directed Coyotes to engage the enemy in hit and run tactics. When a given marine was drawn into line of sight of the Ash Wolves weapons, they would be quickly cut down in a volley of plasma and melta fire, they Coyotes usually got far enough out of the way first. When the Ash Wolves unit arrived at the munitions building the entered cautiously. There were a few seconds of repeated flashes coming from windows followed by the northwest most upper corner of the munitions building exploding. The remaining Ash Wolves left carrying a strange device and made for the main gates of the fort.

 

I think you can combine the first and second sentences (by dropping the full stop, the 'They' and the 'Coyotes'), for similar reasons to my last suggestion asking the same. You could probably drop 'given' for no ill effect. The highlighted 'they' needs to be replaced with a 'the'. The opposite goes for the highlighted 'the'. I think 'the northwest most' can be dropped (clunky as it is) and replaced by an 'an'. I suggest swapping 'left' for 'escaped' - using the word 'left' is a little ambiguous and therefore slightly confusing to the reader when combined in a sentence that includes 'remaining'.

 

The image jerked up to see red streaks appearing against the grey sky. The image panned down to follow these drop pods as they slammed indiscriminately into soldier, building, or dirt. Marines in quartered yellow and black left these pods and eliminated any nearby units with quick synchronicity. Most appeared to have heavy bionics. The image panned further down to see Alshar’s Ash Wolves unit running across the sand towards the viewpoint. The image moved violently as quickly rising rocks and dust filled the screen. Just as suddenly the movement stopped and Alshar’s face could be seen in person. His lips were moving quickly when he jerked slightly to the right before his face seemed to expand toward the screen before it filled with red. A black gloved hand wiped the gore away before reaching down, image following, to pick up the arcane device the now headless Alshar was holding.

 

I suggest inserting 'flaming' before 'red' (or instead of it). I advise dropping the second comma in 'soldier, building, or dirt.' I also suggest swapping 'left' for something like 'stormed from' - saying 'left' at this juncture is a little underwhelming and undescriptive. The latter half of the paragraph again seems to say a little with a lot of words. Perhaps condensing it down might help it read easier.

 

The image rushed forward bobbing slightly toward a flat area rock encroached on by bleached grass. Flashes of light and the occasional streaming bolt rushed across the screen. A ship suddenly decloaked on the flat outcropping with the door open. A hand reached out and the image was quickly pulled inside. The image panned around quickly and began to pan down revealing the remainder of Alshar’s squad being picked apart by yellow and black armoured marines with identical bionic iron black faces. The image shrunk into the distance and became suddenly blue tinted and indistinct right before the door closed.

 

Between 'area' and 'rock' needs to be an 'of', I think. 

 

Hope that helps.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

New Inquisitorial faction/belief:

 

The Cydonists

 

There are several minor subsets of beliefs amongst Inquisitors out in the tracts of the Liber Cluster, many that might be considered radical or divergent by their more puritan peers. One of these groups, the Cydonists, is not wholly unique to the Liber Cluster, nor is it politically powerful within the Inquisition itself. Many of it's adherents are marginalised or ignored purely out of spite. 

 

The Cydonists, a group enthralled and in many cases beholden to the Adeptus Mechanicus, display a surprising variety of means and methods although often are they mechanical in nature. To be a Cydonist is to embrace the duality of the Emperor and the Machine God as one and the same - to allow that the Mechanicus could very well be true in it's view of the Emperor as the Omnissiah. This replacement of machine over man skews the view of a Cydonist, often steering them on a path not unlike that of a techpriest through bionic replacement of limb and vitals. 

 

This is rarely received with anything but hostility by the Ecclesiarchy and it's allied powers and so Cydonists keep their cards held close to their chests when outside of Mechanicus domains. They go to great lengths to maintain a humanoid shape and appearance, easy enough to hide from more zealous Imperial officials. Skin grafts and high quality vat-grown musculature are not uncommon. 

[Teetengee]

I will make the edits when I get a chance. Except the Oxford comma, that stays. ;)

[Aegnor]

Definitely, just wanted to establish a lower bound. Also, any thoughts on my landing action story from anyone? Particularly Aegnor, for the purpose of continuing that story.

Sorry buddy, been distracted with real life a bit in the past few days. I liked your story. I think I'd actually like to see the Angels Exultant be pivotal in winning our invasion. I don't think it's realistic or desirable that the Lions rebuff the invasion at every turn, and I think we want to see the Angels in particular shine a little, so their eventual fall be all the more poignant.

 

One thing - do we want people having worked out that killing the Chaplains makes the Angels go crazy? I think, up until the Fall, if people do work that out, they should very shortly afterwards meet an exceedingly bloody end so the secret stays safe for a little longer.

[Teetengee]

I think that the lions who found out should all be destroyed by the end of the campaign.

[Aegnor]

Ok, here we go. Comments and suggestions welcome - especially from Teetengai, but from all corners. Apologies that this is probably a little long.

 

The Purging of Nimobia

When reviewing the sad history of the Angels Exultant, the reclamation of the planet Nimobia from the dread forces of the Sereiki Lions stands out as one of their great successes. Working with the Iron Ravagers, the Angels campaign here was a testament to their ferocity and fearlessness in routing a dug-in, determined opposition who vastly outnumbered them.

 

Nimobia was a world first colonised by prospectors during the first human settlement of the Liber Cluster. Although the world was largely rocky desert, with little to recommend it to settlers, the discovery of large numbers of beautiful gems, unlike anything else in the cluster, or indeed in much of the Imperium, attracted a growing band of miners and prospectors determined to earn their fortune. These settlers carved large arcologies beneath Nimobia’s dry, windy surface, and the planet prospered.

 

What the fate of the initial settlements was during the Silence is unknown, but when the forces of the Reclamation found Nimobia again, it was already under the banner of the Lions. Rogue Mechanicus elements had vastly expanded the arcologies, and the planet was now a vast slave camp where sorry specimens, human and xenos, laboured extracting the precious gem stones to enrich Al-Rashid Ibn Khroda and his cronies.

 

The planet was garrisoned by a large contingent of Ash Wolves – indeed, it was rumoured that the planet’s slave population served as one of their recruiting bases. As the Lions got wind of the growing Eighteen World Crusade, this garrison was reinforced by elements of the Coyotes. Rumour had it that even a few of the corrupt Astartes loyal to Al Rashid were sent to stiffen the resistance.

 

The council, led by the Lords Inviolate, designated a strike force of the Iron Ravagers and the Angel Exultant to reclaim the world of Nimobia. The planet had minimal established orbital defences, and the fleet elements the Lions had present at the world were better suited to harassing the combined fleet of the two loyalist chapters.

 

The Iron Ravagers took the lead in planning the assault on the planet’s surface – the Angels seemingly content to allow them to do so. Three key landing sites were identified, corresponding to the three major entrances of the Lion’s underground complex. The intention of the Ravagers was coldly logical – cut off all avenues of escape, and then systematically purge the arcology of all enemy life. The Angels agreed to their proposed role with relish – they were to be shock force that would drive the enemy into the carefully sited and planned ambushes prepared by the Ravagers – the hammer that would drive the enemy into the Ravager’s anvil.

 

The initial landings went mostly smoothly. In two of the sites, the resistance encountered was swiftly crushed and firm blockades established. In the third, a sorry set of largely abandoned buildings known as Herzog’s Hope, the initial landing force of the Angels encountered an unexpectedly effective ambush, which succeeded in killing most of the sons of Sanguinius. The second wave of loyalists, elements of the Ravager’s 3^rd company was able to turn the tables and annihilate the Ash Wolves forces. Iron-Captain Draghan of the 3^rd reported that only three of the Angels survived the ambush, each seriously wounded and **REDACTED**. Fortunately, once the following forces of the Angels arrived, their apothecaries were able to treat the **REDACTED** and afterwards each of the brothers affected recovered from the apparent disorientation.

 

The Angels took the losses at Herzog’s Hope to heart, and initially displayed concerns that the alliance between them and the Iron Ravagers might be compromised. Perhaps it was to this end that they demonstrated such thoroughness, to the point of mania, in hunting down elements of the Coyotes believed to have escaped in two air-lifters away from the battle. The hunt was conducted with an obsessiveness that was noted and applauded by the Ravagers for three weeks until the Angels were satisfied.

 

During this time, a thorough survey was conducted of the arcology through scans from the surface. Several minor entrances were identified and systematically destroyed, and plans were developed for the work of rooting out the traitors from their underground lair.

Once they were satisfied with their planning, the underground incursions began. Here the loyalists relied greatly on the unquenchable ferocity of the Angels.

 

The enemy had not been sitting idly, and the forces of the Imperium found themselves assaulting through carefully constructed killing fields, ambush sites and collapsible tunnels. The expertise and strength of the Iron Ravager’s cadre of techmarines and enhanced servitors was vital in working their way through the deliberately created landslides, cave-ins and identifying and avoiding traps. But it was the fierce fervour of the Angels that carried the day. Time after time, the Angels charged like men possessed of the fury of Sanguinius himself, weathering heavy fire and routing embedded enemies from their positions. The enemy could not, and soon would not stand before them, fleeing from the seemingly crazed killers who often ripped their opponents literally limb from limb. The Angels seemed to go out of their way to cover themselves in the blood of their foe, and they made ever deeper inroads, blood-drenched step by step.

 

The ability of their officers and chaplains to stoke this fury in their charges, and also to guide it effectively so it served the wider strategy soon attracted the respect and admiration of the Ravagers. Taciturn by nature with outsiders, the Ravagers saw something of the Gorgon’s own legendary fury in the Angels and admired their ability to unleash their rage in battle before regaining their composure after the fighting stopped. The chanting priests and chaplains did strike the Ravagers as unusual, but having an understanding of the elaborate preparations and ritual required to effectively engage with machine-spirits, they did not question the methods by which the Angel’s chaplains administered to the warrior-spirits of their brethren.

 

Nor was the berserk fury of the Angels deployed blindly. In each engagement, the Imperials would force forward, but always leave an apparent flaw in their encirclement, an avenue for the beleaguered Ash Wolves to withdraw. If the Lions’ forces realised they were being herded in a particular direction, that realisation did not give them the courage to stand in the face on the inhuman rage of the Angels. And so, element by element, the forces of the Lions were driven into killing fields the Ravagers that themselves prepared in the arcology, death boxes bracketed by devastator squads, Thunder-fire cannons and heavy-weapon equipped servitors.

 

Once the backbone of the enemy resistance was crushed, the Ravagers and Angels commenced a purge of the planet’s non-combatant population. Regardless of whether they had picked up a gun, these people had supported and fraternised with traitorous elements, and the Ravagers took seriously their duty to ensure no seeds of treachery remained. The fact that many of these pathetic wretches worked alongside xenos creatures only confirmed their perversion from sound Imperial thought. The work was arduous, but the Ravagers again were impressed by the willingness of the Angels to undertake this task with the same furious zeal they demonstrated in combat with the enemy.

 

The Imperial forces left Nimobia a pacified husk, ready for re-settlement. Swearing oaths of brotherhood and mutual support, the two chapters parted, ready to support other engagements in the Crusade or continue the reclamation of the Cluster.

[Conn Eremon]

Looks good Aegnor, though I would switch the roles of Coyotes and Ash Wolves. The Coyotes are the hordes, the masses, the poorly trained and equipped 'cultist' types. The Ash Wolves are the Imperial Guard; trained, dedicated, disciplined and well-equipped; the 'Blood Pact.'

 

So, I was thinking, if there was a force that would recruit en masse from a slave world, it would be the Coyotes. If there was a force that would arrive to augment the previous force, and would try to retreat and survive to fight another day, it would be the Ash Wolves.

 

 

Granted, now that I have said all that, it isn't like the Ash Wolves can't take slaves and train and discipline them to their standards, or that the Coyotes can't arrive en masse, and then kill their minders and try to flee from the Angry Marines in stolen airlifters.

[Olis]

Will finish up on the All-Seers attack on the Forge world this weekend.Want to pose this ? would it be possible that there are traitors In the Cluster Command giving Twelveman advance warning of the Attack?

 

It's plausible. Although, imho, Twelveman has other means to gather intelligence - spy-drones, some sort of warp-scrying device or perhaps remote mind-links with nearby servitors. But, yes, he could very well get advance warning by all sorts of means. Hell, maybe even his master DeWitt (who I'll be interested in seeing how he finds a way to survive the campaign and live to the 41st millennium, becoming a minion of Akan and all) has some unseen methods at his own disposal, too. 

[Nomus Sardauk]

Drake glared intently out at the chaos raging beyond the Ark Imperial's bridge, they had caught the enemy ships by surprise by warping in at such close distance, and now they would capitalise on that advantage. The enemy's defence was unorganized and haphazard, with many ships still in dock as the Sentinels drew ever closer. What few ships were already afloat hastily scrambled to form a defensive line and lauch attack craft as their brethren readied themselves, Drake gave a cruel smirk, it would not be enough to save them now.

"All ships, full speed ahead! CHARGE!"

"Aye aye captain, full speed ahead!"

Drake gripped a railing as he felt the entire ship lurch slightly as the Ark accelerated, sirens wailed as the Sentinel fleet closed with the opposing vessels; a pair of Lunar-class cruisers and a trio of Sword-class frigates.

"Ready all weapons and prepare to fire! I want firing solutions on those cruisers ASAP! Launch all fighters and prepare boarding craft!"

"Lances ready to fire on your command sir!"

"In the Emperor's name, send them screaming into the black! FIRE!"

Like arrows of divine retribution great beams of energy speared forth from the Ark's Lance batteries, surging across the black gulf like lightning as they hammered the first Lunar cruiser's void shields which flared brilliantly as they held against the assault. A second wave of lance fire, this time accompanied by the other ships in the Sentinel fleet, crashed against the Lunar's shields. This time the shields could not hold as the sheer weight of fire overwhelmed them, multiple beams piercing the failing barrier to cleave great, fiery scars across the ship's hull.

"Their shields are down! Launch torpedos!"

From the Ark's blunt nose rocketed a barrage of immense torpedos, seeing the oncoming danger the Lunar cruiser desperately tried to roll to starboard but this only served to allow the torpedos to strike the vessel amidships rather than nose-on. Huge explosions blossomed in the cruiser's belly as ammo magazines detonated, adding to the devastation and crippling her as the ship was nearly split in half. Heedless of their comrade's death the other traitor ships ploughed on as the two fleets met, ships from both sides dancing about one another as they sought to bring their guns to bear, dodge enemy broadsides or simply avoid collisions. Drake growled in annoyance, the enemy was attempting to stall them while the rest of the Lions' fleet mobilised.

 

"Sir! Sensors report energy build-up on Luare & Terua! The Planetary Defence Bases are charging weapons!"

 

"Are we in range of their guns?"

 

"Not yet sir, but we won't be able to advance any further without braving their fire!"

 

"Damnation! Where are the blasted Eagles? Open a com-line to Sergeant Townsend, I want to know what in Terra's name is taking them so long!"

[Hyaenidae]

Granted, now that I have said all that, it isn't like the Ash Wolves can't take slaves and train and discipline them to their standards... *snip*

 

The holds of the ship bay rang with the rattle of chains and the crack of shock-prods, the cries of the slaves echoing into one consistent howl of misery and pain. Eventually, a semblance of silence reigned, the slaves placed into rows, and any utterance of noise greeted with the threat of another beating by the armoured brute enforcers who paced in between the miserable chattel. 

 

With a hiss, the blackened bay doors opened, and a squad of Ash Wolves entered the hold with carbines in hand, surrounding the massive form of a warrior in heavy carapace armour and a prow shaped helm. The Kodiak broke through the ranks of the Ash Wolves, approaching the first of the slaves, a shivering old man wearing rags that were once the finest of robes.

 

"Former occupation". The Kodiak's voice was distorted by the vox-speakers hidden in his helm, turning his voice into a metallic canid growl. Terrified, the old man began weeping, the tears cutting through the grime soiling his flesh.

 

The aging man swallowed his sobs for a moment, knowing the repercussions of not speaking when spoken to. "I... was once a music instructor, ser. T...the... clavier, ser." 

 

The Kodiak turned to the Ash Wolf next to him. "Fine finger dexterity, and familiarity with minute acoustics. Mark him for the Phi-Epsilon Munitions Factory, their last inspector made the mistake of assuming a live round was a dud." Without looking to the former instructor again, the Kodiak moved on to the next slave. The old man's tears flowed again, first in fear, then in pain, as one of the Ash Wolves began roughly tattooing his cheekbone in Sereikian war-cant markings.

 

Over the humming of the tattoo gun and whimpering of the new munition's instructor, the Kodiak rumbled again. "Former occupation."

 

The youth he stood before stared with wide, red-rimmed eyes, his lip quivering. "I have none, ser. I am only thirteen summer old."

 

"No skill set. Send him to the gun-crews aboard the Scarred Heart. They could use a smaller frame to clean the breaches." Again, The Kodiak moved away, his decision damning the child to a short life and organ eating cancers. Again, the buzz of the tattoo gun, the whimpers of pain and sorrow.

 

The next slave was a female, her face set with defiance and suppressed anger, light scarring marking her skin.

 

"Former occupation."

 

The female stared straight at the Kodiak's prow-helm and the lifeless sensor apertures set within it's blackened surface, her brow low and eyes narrowed. "I was a Lifeguard of Lord Rutger Adai, of Merchant House Adai."

 

The Kodiak paused. With the hissing release of escaping air, the prow-helm lifted and withdrew, exposing a dark face and eyes made silver-blue with optic enhancements. "Sitanau Hive, yes? Adai's guards fought like bastards."

 

The female's lip curled. "Adai was a bastard. His guards were simply more afraid of him than you."

 

The Kodiak stared into her eyes for a moment, gauging her, the truth of her words, the weight of her soul. There was a scraping sound as the Kodiak slid his kukri machete from its' scabbard. "Do you desire freedom or death? I offer both to a capable warrior, though freedom is a far harder road to travel. Speak, and either's yours."

 

"I've been a slave my whole fugging life," She spat, her voice dropping low. "I'd rather die fighting to be free, than spend another moment living like.... this." She lifted the chains binding her wrists, her hands clenched into shaking fists.

 

The Kodiak nodded, and waved over one of the Ash Wolf enforcers. "Unbind her, and send her to the induction cadres for training. She'll live or die on her own worth to the Lions."

 

As the Ash Wolf unclasped her bindings, the Kodiak turned to her one last time before moving on down the line. "Fight hard, and die laughing. I expect to see you again." The Kodiak's helm slid over his head and sealed again with a hiss-click, his blade returning to it's sheath. His next words were the metal vox-rasp of a mechanical wolf. "But remember; the Lions do not give liberty freely. Live free or die." The female recruit nodded her thanks, eyes alight with the possibility of true freedom, and the determination to take it in her grasp. The Kodiak did not acknowledge, already having moved on to the next slave.

 

 

"Former occupation"

[Olis]

Great vignette. It's a shame there hasn't been more of these up to this point, Heathens. 

[Conn Eremon]

Looking better after the edit, Ace.

 

Does anyone want to give a brief summary so far of who's done what in the EWC (Eighteen Worlds Crusade)? I know there a victory on mine and Wade's end but I think it's about time someone else trawled the thread for a catch-up post, instead of it being me again. :P

I just passed a mile marker for my weekend trawl (sadly, the first one I have done for this thread).

 

I have about 38 pages of accumulated Cluster lore that I need to sift through and organize.

 

And about 43 pages on the Eighteen Worlds Crusade. Those are better sorted already, and once I am more truly caught up, I will be messaging each pair with what I have. See if anything is missing, get it all together into a cohesive whole.

 

The third thing was the Chapter Relations chart. I recreated it in Excel and built on it as I trawled through. There are still some empty spaces, as the Black Falcons and All-Seers. Not with each other, but the dozen or so last remaining blank spots align with one or the other.

 

It won't look the same, I should point out. I used the same color scheme, but I noticed that some people contradicted each other at times. One says Chapter X will shoot Y on sight, the other says Y trust X more than any other Chapter. There was only one that was that extreme, but there were a few cases here or there that didn't agree. What I did was choose something in-between the two, erring on the side of negativity if there wasn't an easy middle. The logic behind it was that it represented two Chapters' combined opinions of each other. A neutral outlook might mean that one Chapter favors the other, but that other Chapter might distrust the first.

 

You might find it interesting that the Conflagrators are much more liked than the Black Judges, who have few friends.

 

Also, I intended the Sons of Calderon to be more likable than the Lords Inviolate. Both are top tier bros, but the Lords Inviolate ended up the most well-liked Chapter on average.

 

The Black Falcons have five missing spots, and it is possible that they might be more well-liked than the Sons of Calderon if they end up being favorable.

 

I still need to trawl through the thread for any posts that might have been edited after I saved them to my computer, which shouldn't take as long. Hopefully.

[Nomus Sardauk]

Hey guys, quick question, I've been thinking about how me and ArcticPaladin have been writing up our part of the Eighteen Worlds Crusade and I'm a little worried it's getting overly long, especially given the chunks of story are spread out across multiple pages. I originally went for this manner of writing as it allowed both of us to add input to the tale but I'm not sure it's working that well... Basically I'm wondering if maybe we should change our approach and write it more Aegnor did for his Angels Exultant/Iron Ravagers post, what do you think?

[Conn Eremon]

Hey guys, quick question, I've been thinking about how me and ArcticPaladin have been writing up our part of the Eighteen Worlds Crusade and I'm a little worried it's getting overly long, especially given the chunks of story are spread out across multiple pages. I originally went for this manner of writing as it allowed both of us to add input to the tale but I'm not sure it's working that well... Basically I wondering if maybe we should change our approach and write it more Aegnor did for his Angels Exultant/Iron Ravagers post, what do you think?

I have a Word doc for each pair. You and ArcticPaladin have the second biggest file.

 

But Olis and Wade have a file over twice as big.

 

Edit: And you two only beat mine by a single page.

[Nomus Sardauk]

 

Hey guys, quick question, I've been thinking about how me and ArcticPaladin have been writing up our part of the Eighteen Worlds Crusade and I'm a little worried it's getting overly long, especially given the chunks of story are spread out across multiple pages. I originally went for this manner of writing as it allowed both of us to add input to the tale but I'm not sure it's working that well... Basically I wondering if maybe we should change our approach and write it more Aegnor did for his Angels Exultant/Iron Ravagers post, what do you think?

I have a Word doc for each pair. You and ArcticPaladin have the second biggest file.

 

But Olis and Wade have a file over twice as big.

 

Edit: And you two only beat mine by a single page.

 

 

Hmm, I'm still unsure about the format though...

[Tiberius Cato]

If you want to change it I'm cool with it

[Aegnor]

I'd like to do some vignettes for the Ravagers and the Angels Exultant, but they're harder than a straight report. Will hopefully do some soon.

[Hyaenidae]

Great vignette. It's a shame there hasn't been more of these up to this point, Heathens. 

 

Thank you, brother. Sadly, my inspiration comes and goes sometimes.

 

I'll knock out a few more, when I get the chance. I have one in mind of a pack of Hyena's tearing into a Mordian platoon.....

[Olis]

You might find it interesting that the Conflagrators are much more liked than the Black Judges, who have few friends.

 

That's... a turn up for the books, I must say. Good job I had the forethought to say "one of the least liked" all those pages ago.

 

I just passed a mile marker for my weekend trawl (sadly, the first one I have done for this thread).

 

I have about 38 pages of accumulated Cluster lore that I need to sift through and organize.

 

And about 43 pages on the Eighteen Worlds Crusade. Those are better sorted already, and once I am more truly caught up, I will be messaging each pair with what I have. See if anything is missing, get it all together into a cohesive whole.

 

Crikey. My methods for trawling the thread was to open up a separate tab and use that to search the thread for relevant data, followed by a skim read to make sure I hadn't missed things.

 

I have a Word doc for each pair. You and ArcticPaladin have the second biggest file.

 

But Olis and Wade have a file over twice as big.

 

Edit: And you two only beat mine by a single page.

 

For some reason, I feel pretty proud of that... I'm not compensating, honest.  

 

 

Great vignette. It's a shame there hasn't been more of these up to this point, Heathens.

 

Thank you, brother. Sadly, my inspiration comes and goes sometimes.

 

I'll knock out a few more, when I get the chance. I have one in mind of a pack of Hyena's tearing into a Mordian platoon.....

 

 

Well, the problem for any person who likes to write is getting ideas onto paper in an enunciated and well constructed way. All too often I'll think of kernels of ideas at work and have to rely on writing the bare bones of them on the back of my hand, then getting home and attempting to reconstruct the idea so that it sounds just as good as it did when I first thought of it. It's an oddly hard task to do.

[Olis]

More stuff on The Untaken, as I feel they need some fleshing out.

 

 

Liber Ordo Dossier, compiled by Savant First-Grade Theogrist Pevelaine
 

The Untaken
 

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/053/6/c/rogue_trader_marine_by_nachomon-d4qkw6t.jpg

 

+Unknown Astartes, dubbed 'Jenovus'+

One of the many amongst the 'Untaken' cohort, Jenovus carries what is clearly an non-standard weapon, perhaps even one of heretek or xenos manufacture. The multitude of tubes show that the suit he wears, and it's systems, have been modified or repaired using methods unapproved of by the Mechanicus. Suspected to be the equivalent of a battle-brother, Jenovus is catalogued in the Inquisition databases three times during the Eighteen Worlds Crusade.

 

 

http://cs540108.vk.me/c7007/v7007055/150a2/O5myTPWDXrA.jpg

 

+Captain Zerxis+

The only positively identified officer amongst The Untaken during the Eighteen Worlds Crusade, pictured immediately prior to his death on Zavatista. Note the chem-rain unaffecting him despite his injuries. Catalogued as killed in action against the Blackjaw Kindred. 

 

http://www.thedeathknight.com/Misc/Gerard/E3218/iron_grip_warlords_concept_art_by_tehflyguyS.jpg

 

+Coyote Irregulars+

Quite fitting that a warband often seen bearing under-powered equipment is recorded to associate and fraternise the most with a unit of the Sereiki Lions noted for it's inconsistency and tertiary-grade war materiel. It is unknown to the Inquisition at this time whether or not any of the Irregulars have been permanently seconded to The Untaken but, in this humble Savant's view, the possibility is likely.

 

http://i43.servimg.com/u/f43/16/63/10/54/warham11.jpg

 

+The Untaken Fleet Assets+

Few of the vessels in the warband's fleet are Astartes ships, and even fewer are of capital class. This pict capture, taken from the cogitator database of a merchant hauler, shows what is assumed to be the flagship of The Untaken - the Broken Blade. The two vessels in shot are captured destroyers from the Castrel Run, a prominent merchant convoy that was raided and seized by The Untaken in 202.M36. 

[Teetengee]

@Aegnor

Throughout: I’m not sure arcology is the right word?

5th paragraph: The second sentence about being suited to harrassing doesn’t make much sense to me. I don’t quite understand what you are trying to say.

Also, I imagine the Angels and the Iron Ravagers would not get along so well, (although in such a scenario the Angels would defer to their command.). See the below:

The body of the space marine was made in the image of the God Emperor of mankind, to willingly deface such is at best foolish and at worst heresy. Needless to say, the two chapters do not get along and will not willingly work with each other unless there is no other choice.

However, the tactics you used I think would be precisely how the two would end up working together. Never side by side, and the ravagers using the angels as a tool. Additionally though, the angels would likely begin to see something of a tragic tale in the ravagers (oh the irony) because they would see the ravagers’ belief in weak flesh as a compulsion not unlike their own. That, and the effectiveness of their teamwork would go towards creating a much stronger alliance where once there was nothing but scorn.

 

I really like it though.

 

Also, I don’t know if I hinted strongly enough at it, but the vidcap came from the use of the experimental Analysis of Enemy Tactica gear used by one of the swift foxes. This is what allowed him to figure out the weak point in the Angels. Hopefully such a device has since been destroyed by the actions of the Ravagers and the Angels. So we may want to change the reference to renegade astartes to a reference to the Foxes.

 

Also I made the edits to my vignette, although I choose to have the iron ravagers walk from their drop pods rather than storm out, as I want to convey that they fight in a calm, emotionless, and highly calculating manner.