ElectricPaladin Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I've got an idea for a story, and I wanted to check in with the loreheads to find out if it's feasible. Let me outline the premise in bullet points, and you can check my logic: A Knight of Blood is serving in the Deathwatch. One of the chapter's librarians manages to send him an astropathic message warning him of the chapter's upcoming excommunication. The Knight takes advantage of the message to sneak off, thus avoiding the choice of death or foreswearing his chapter (ie. becoming a Black Shield). The Knight ends up fleeing the Inquisition, is rescued when the Inquisitors are attacked by a bunch of Chaos Marines, including one of the original Blood Angels who sided with Horus (as some members of the loyal legions did). The Knight exploits the ancient Chaotic Blood Angel's sympathies to convince him to sponsor him for membership in the warband. The Knight continues to exploit this connection, feeding information back to his chapter so that the warband suffers misfortune after misfortune, their numbers dwindling, until he can arrange for the entire warband to be outflanked and destroyed. Finally, the Knight and the Blood Angel have a semi-tearful (you know, they're Astartes, so they're manly tears) final confrontation on the battlefield; then the Knight of Blood shoots his wounded semi-friend in the face and gets picked up by a Stormraven. So... what do you think? Does the story work? What - if anything - do I need to change to make this a premise with promise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grotsmasha Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Sounds like you *have* to write it, now..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyuzanriu Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 This sounds like it should be a full blown novel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathspectersgt7 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Write it already!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonaides Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Aproved! There was a da short in a similar vein with a loyal heresy da entering sus an and being re awoken by a chaos marine in 40k. The da ended up setting 2 warbands fighting each other to stop them uniting to attack the imperium. He then handed himself in to the current da chapter for confession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quozzo Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 One of the chapter's librarians manages to send him an astropathic message warning him of the chapter's upcoming excommunication. The Knight takes advantage of the message to sneak off, thus avoiding the choice of death or foreswearing his chapter (ie. becoming a Black Shield). The thing is, sending an astropathic message isn't like sending a text. When one sends an astropathic message it spans out and covers a huge region, similar to WiFi. Any psyker in the region, including that of the deathwatch, will be able to sense the message. Due to this, messages are cryptic, not only are they not easily understood by the receiver because they are effectively listening to another's thoughts or feelings, but to avoid the message being intercepted they must contain hidden messages too. You could also have the inquisition intercept the message but possibly interpret it wrong and perhaps they go on a witchhunt to find the culprit, only to find the wrong guy (too bad for him ) The inquisition may even ask for aid off the Knight of Blood to interpret it (I'm assuming he's a librarian or else how would he receive the message), and that's where he can lay the seeds of misinformation. The Knight ends up fleeing the Inquisition, is rescued when the Inquisitors are attacked by a bunch of Chaos Marines, including one of the original Blood Angels who sided with Horus (as some members of the loyal legions did). The Heresy! I want a citation, so I can purge it in fire! On a less serious note , is the BA over 10,000 years old or was he swayed from his chapter somehow The Knight exploits the ancient Chaotic Blood Angel's sympathies to convince him to sponsor him for membership in the warband. The Knight continues to exploit this connection, feeding information back to his chapter so that the warband suffers misfortune after misfortune, their numbers dwindling, until he can arrange for the entire warband to be outflanked and destroyed. Finally, the Knight and the Blood Angel have a semi-tearful (you know, they're Astartes, so they're manly tears) final confrontation on the battlefield; then the Knight of Blood shoots his wounded semi-friend in the face and gets picked up by a Stormraven. That's one hell of a coincidence. They recruit a new Space Marine and their luck changes. In a warband where they constantly have a power struggle and are suspicious of everyone, they never suspected the new guy? Perhaps to maintain his cover the Knight could implicate some of the other loyalists that were captured, they would find a slow death and wish for their demise, the Knight would empathise with him and almost regret his action until he is praised by the warband for his actions in finding the culprit, thus the suspicion on him is somewhat relieved... for the time being. Now, where's my penny? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonaides Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 The hh era blood angel doesnt actually have to be 10,000 years old. If i recall, adb's night lords series had them in 40k after only 100 years subjective time, effectively lost in the warp for 9,700 yrs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deus Imperator Vult Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 The hh era blood angel doesnt actually have to be 10,000 years old. If i recall, adb's night lords series had them in 40k after only 100 years subjective time, effectively lost in the warp for 9,700 yrs. True in Chosen of Khorne, set at least some time after skallithrax both Khârn and a mortal servent of the World Eaters, who still recalls when they found the Primarch, both comment seperatly on how 'time flows differently in the warp.' Especially if your warband had mostly been operating withing the eye of terror you could definitely argue the time dialtion angle. I do think its something you would have to have the characters reference though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quozzo Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I forgot how useful the warp is at DIY, fills the gap for any plothole It seems every chaos marine is 10,000 years old or at least from the HH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElectricPaladin Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Aha! Thanks! I knew there were some potential holes in the story. I had not pictured my Knight as a librarian, and I hadn't realized that you needed to be one to receive an astropathic message. I though that the message could just be beamed into your brain. Nor had I realized that astropathic messages are like wifi, sent out in every direction at once. I'll have to reconsider how the chapter got the message to their wayward brother. So, to clarify, I was picturing the warband's leader as one of the terrifying original Blood Angels... and yes, I know that makes him ten thousand years old. Not only does the Warp cause time to do weird things, I believe that various kinds of daemonic investment can do strange things to your biology as well. Actually, I had pictured this guy injecting massive amounts of Slaaneshi heroin in his downtime as a way to keep the Black Rage at bay. Also, we don't really know how long Astartes live - I don't think there are any in canon who have managed to die of old age - and if any of them are truly immortal, it would one imbued with be all-but-perfect geneseed Blood Angels. That said... The idea is meant to be that the ancient Blood Angel feels this kinship with the Knight of Blood they pick up. Why? Bad, guilty feelings. Emotionally, the ancient Blood Angel needs this guy's fall to be genuine, because if Astartes descended from the Blood Angels are still falling then it justifies his own fall. I agree that past a certain point, it should be pretty obvious to everyone that the Knight of Blood is probably selling them out - and at this point he'll be fending off accusations and assassination attempts - but the former Blood Angel keeps on protecting him, because of his own personal blind spots. And that is the undoing of the warband, and the reason that the Knight ends up feeling kind of bad when he shoots the Angel in the face at the end of the story. He feels like he exploited someone - because he did - and that doesn't sit well with his ideals of honor and glory and combat. He has a moment of getting to see the Blood Angel not as a mutant or a traitor, but as a lonely, weary, and impossibly old man who had thought he had finally found a kindred spirit... and was tragically mistaken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quozzo Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Aha! Thanks! I knew there were some potential holes in the story. I had not pictured my Knight as a librarian, and I hadn't realized that you needed to be one to receive an astropathic message. I though that the message could just be beamed into your brain. Nor had I realized that astropathic messages are like wifi, sent out in every direction at once. I'll have to reconsider how the chapter got the message to their wayward brother. How he gets the message is not important (imo). He could stumble upon the dataslate intended for the inquisitor, he could work it out when an inquisitor lord shows up but they keep insisting to him that its a formality etc. I'd probably write this part last as it may be able to tie into the full story when you write it. So, to clarify, I was picturing the warband's leader as one of the terrifying original Blood Angels... and yes, I know that makes him ten thousand years old. Not only does the Warp cause time to do weird things, I believe that various kinds of daemonic investment can do strange things to your biology as well. Actually, I had pictured this guy injecting massive amounts of Slaaneshi heroin in his downtime as a way to keep the Black Rage at bay. Also, we don't really know how long Astartes live - I don't think there are any in canon who have managed to die of old age - and if any of them are truly immortal, it would one imbued with be all-but-perfect geneseed Blood Angels. That said... The idea is meant to be that the ancient Blood Angel feels this kinship with the Knight of Blood they pick up. Why? Bad, guilty feelings. Emotionally, the ancient Blood Angel needs this guy's fall to be genuine, because if Astartes descended from the Blood Angels are still falling then it justifies his own fall. I agree that past a certain point, it should be pretty obvious to everyone that the Knight of Blood is probably selling them out - and at this point he'll be fending off accusations and assassination attempts - but the former Blood Angel keeps on protecting him, because of his own personal blind spots. And that is the undoing of the warband, and the reason that the Knight ends up feeling kind of bad when he shoots the Angel in the face at the end of the story. He feels like he exploited someone - because he did - and that doesn't sit well with his ideals of honor and glory and combat. He has a moment of getting to see the Blood Angel not as a mutant or a traitor, but as a lonely, weary, and impossibly old man who had thought he had finally found a kindred spirit... and was tragically mistaken. There was a huge topic on the B&C a few days ago about the lifespan of a battle-brother. I dont think a unanimous decision was reached. A Space Marine might live for a thousand years, may be able to live longer, a chaos marine could easily live much longer being mutated, even indefinitely if the Chaos gods bring them from death for their own amusement. A Blood Angel as we know have an even greater lifespan (which begs the question why it needs to be mentioned if SM live forever, but thats for the other thread). If a BA became corrupted their lifespan would increase further, if in the warp it may be extended (although I've only seen the warp quickening time if it benefits the Imperium lol.) and if they are brought back by the chaos gods then that could span for an eternity, but... In one of the BA novels, Rafen was escorted to a planet on a ship (can't remember the class). While he was on the planet a chaos ship entered orbit and begin heading towards Rafen's ship. A battle ensued and it became clear the chaos ship was a battle-barge. It decimated the loyalist ship and breached the hull. The battle-barge was over 10,000 years old and had been through the Horus Heresy. The commander of the ship, a chaos lord, now boarded the loyalist ship and went strait to the bridge, which was captained by a man, a trained man who had seen his fair share of battles but a man non-the-less. When the chaos lord met the captain, he was catatonic. He was staring at a chaos marine, a chaos lord which like the ship had also been through the Horus Heresy. The Chaos Lord had once stood by Horus' side and had once seen the Emperor of Mankind. He had seen things, defeated things, that some are haunted by in their nightmares. The Captain was staring at something which couldn't exist. He was told that all traitors of that era were caught and slain. He was told that a chaos marine was a myth, nothing more than a story to scare children, yet he was staring one in the face. Needless to say he didn't live long after that. That is what a 10,000 year old chaos marine is, not some panzie who's wrestling with his conscious beasue he might have made a mistake. Chaos marines, one that have survived for that long believe there is no other choice. They believe, nay they know, the Emperor to be a lie. They know he is nothing but an imitator, a trickster. They know he is nothing compared to the power of the dark gods. If anyone is capable of surviving for millennia they need to be favoured by the four, or one of them at least. If you're going to have a chaos marine question his decision about where his loyalty lies then I would strongly suggest you don't make him out to be from the Heresy era. Even if he is only 200 years old and he was carried through the warp for the last 9800 years and he only found out yesterday that Horus killed the Emperor. If you're going to make him question his faith then I would make him a recent betrayer, maybe only a decade if that. As always though, it's your story and you can do it as you please. The above is only a suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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