Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Conn - I understand what you mean about writing the dialog as it sounds conjuring up a caricature, but I've recently been re-reading some of the first Heresy novels, and it struck me how several times in Horus Rising that Abnett mentions Horus or some of the Cthonian Luna Wolves revert to their heavily accented and clipped Cthonian battle argot, but he only tells and never shows, which has always left me wondering what the bloody hell a Cthonian accent sounded like. Severen Erris, prior to becoming an Astartes, was a grubby, gutter-born brawler who fought his way up from poverty and by sheer dint of his fighting prowess, won a place in the armies of Albia. As I mentioned previously after my first post, I wasn't going for any specific regional accent that exists today, because who knows what accents would sound like 28,000 years from now in the area we currently call the United Kingdom, but I wanted his style of speech to reflect an aspect of his character that persisted through his ascendance to an astartes beyond his fighting ability and physical fitness. That you see this as a small failure on my part shows me that maybe Abnett was correct in how he told of the Cthonian accent instead of showing it (he is a professional, after all), but this is how I hear Severen's dialogue in my head, and he won't be changing the way he talks for the likes of me or anyone else. :) Vall has a much different way of speaking that's very deliberate, colorless, and almost robotic, breaking his thoughts down into smaller sentences for reasons that will become apparent. For both of these characters, the way they speak is a large part of who they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conn Eremon Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I get what you mean about the Cthonian cant, and your curiosity about how that sounds precisely is one I share. I fear this is also a failure on his part, for we are told what they do, but get few descriptors that let us know what that really means. In that scenario, your style does succeed where his did not: there is no doubt in my mind how these characters are intended to sound. The fault in this is that an unintended caricature will not sound like intended. So it comes down to a balancing act. Give enough to convey, but not so much that it backfires. In Abnett's case, it is that we get the various reinforcing descriptors, but not the initial definition. The former clarifies and provides context to the latter, but the latter is required as the base. As for whether or not you take the advice offered, that is certainly your prerogative, and just to reiterate, it was a small concern nestled in an overall enjoyment of the writing. It's not like I'm a professional writer myself, so any advice I provide is based off of subjective opinions rather than objective knowledge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I looked back over it a few times and along with correcting a few grammar errors my multiple re-reads didn't catch (thanks, dyslexia!) I toned Sev's accented dialogue down a bit. No one had mentioned it before, so I didn't think it needed adjusting. Also, this is not the big story chunk I mentioned earlier, I just magically knocked out Severen's figure in a few hours and spent the next couple on the Photoshop and story. Now if only I could get on my ETL vow like that. *sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyner Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I like Sev the way he is, sounds like an angry Yorkshireman :P good so far guys it is refreshing to see unification era work. You picked two of the most interesting unification legions too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMagnus Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 This thread is awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Cohort Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 That centurion model is awesome, any chance we can see another angle or closer picture? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I like Sev the way he is, sounds like an angry Yorkshireman good so far guys it is refreshing to see unification era work. You picked two of the most interesting unification legions too! I'll have to take your word for that, as I don't know what a Yorkshire accent sounds like, but thanks. :) That centurion model is awesome, any chance we can see another angle or closer picture? Sure thing. http://i.imgur.com/aPK3UfY.png Thanks again to everyone for the comments, compliments, and feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyner Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It sounds like Sean Bean :P that centurion looks quite badass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disease Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Well that was an entertaining train ride home. You should be thankful that you don't know the Yorkshire accent. Space marines with any 'Northern' English accent (and therefore wildy different to Ultramarine Titus or Benedict Cumberbatch) would be wrong on many many levels. 'Angry farmer' just doesn't fit as low gothic. Jokes aside, this is a great start and I'm excited to see more (models!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Sean Bean? I could go with that. So, Yorkshire is in the north and the people have funny accents. Sounds like New York, which is in the north and the people have funny accents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slips Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I'm still waiting for a Stereotypical Canadian Space Marine :p While he still drowns you in "Sorry", its "Sorry" Carved into every single one of his bullets. >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kriegriss Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Would the Canadian astartes also be listening to "Out for a rip" if you are unfamiliar with it just YouTube it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
depthcharge12 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I'm still waiting for a Stereotypical Canadian Space Marine :p While he still drowns you in "Sorry", its "Sorry" Carved into every single one of his bullets. >_> "The enemy is over there sir!" "I don't know what you're talking aboot Corporal." "Sorry sir." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Alright now, let's not get this train too far off track. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyaenidae Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Soory aboot that. I'll make it up to you over some Tim Hortons, eh? :P (I swear, last one :lol: ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scribe Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 We dont say aboot, if ANYTHING thats an East Coast thing. (Everything else still applies, I am inscribing 'Sorry' on my Bolter Shells right now...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KBA Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Soory aboot that. I'll make it up to you over some Tim Hortons, eh? (I swear, last one ) *puts on pants, leaves house* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 http://i.imgur.com/oKZfw5t.png ++Unknown XVII Legionnaire at Calth, suspected Terran from Nord Merica++ It was quick and dirty and it's not pretty. But seriously, back on topic nao. >_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daemon2027 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Sean Bean? I could go with that. So, Yorkshire is in the north and the people have funny accents. Sounds like New York, which is in the north and the people have funny accents. There are funny accents all over the UK. Except in London. We all sound normal. Init bruv. Anyway, I haven't commented on this yet, have just being enjoying it unfold. I really like the narrative you guys have got, a look at the Legions before they are influenced by non Terran cultures. The models are great, but I would,e spect gnat from you to, and the painting on the Dusk Raider BCK is very good. I'm looking forward to watching this unfold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hesh Kadesh Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 'normal' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
v6v77 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Would love to see some terran/unification era Alpha legion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyaenidae Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 There's always potential for one-off models. Sometimes, I just get the urge to go off script during a project (thus the single Imperial Fist story and model in the In Memorium thread :sweat: ). I just can't help myself sometimes, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Would love to see some terran/unification era Alpha legion. Alpha Legion? I beg your pardon, sir, but there was no such Legion during the Wars of Unification of which I am aware. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nomus Sardauk Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Would love to see some terran/unification era Alpha legion. Alpha Legion? I beg your pardon, sir, but there was no such Legion during the Wars of Unification of which I am aware. That's just what you want us to think... Isn't it, Alpharius?! :p But on a more helpful note, apparently there were reports of sightings of unknown Legionnaires operating in small groups that wore armour with no heraldry & identification markings or even another Legion's markings when one was operating nearby. Rumours of this "Ghost Legion" persist past the end of the Unification Wars and into the Great Crusade itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
v6v77 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Would love to see some terran/unification era Alpha legion. Alpha Legion? I beg your pardon, sir, but there was no such Legion during the Wars of Unification of which I am aware.That's just what you want us to think... Isn't it, Alpharius?! :p But on a more helpful note, apparently there were reports of sightings of unknown Legionnaires operating in small groups that wore armour with no heraldry & identification markings or even another Legion's markings when one was operating nearby. Rumours of this "Ghost Legion" persist past the end of the Unification Wars and into the Great Crusade itself. The Ghost legion operated in the shadows to further the emperors ends. Assasination, sabotage, artefact recovery and more. If the 8th were the emperors bloody hand, the 20th were his blade in dark. Willing and able to do things no other astartes or mortal could, the 20th did what was neccesary, not always what was right. If you need a fortress storming, a foe decimated, a point defended, an army broken by fear, your enemy masacred there were better legions. If you wanted an enemy commander slain in his bed. If you wanted a mysterious piece of archetech recovered. If you wanted a war won before it started. You call the XXth. You dont ask how we do. You dont ask what it cost. But you know that the Ghosts will succeed. Aleph Null Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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