2 replies to this topic

[The Pariah]

Once more I return to the Liber. I really need to stop disappearing as I've done in the past but I can't stop real life. Anyway a while back I vowed to create a chapter for the Brotherhood of Angels (nice little link here for the thread) and so I intend to complete that before I move on with some penitence for all the other vows I've failed. Anyhow, enjoy and any C&C would be great:

 

 

 

The Blades of Truth

 

“"In truth, we rise."

 

Summary

 

▪ GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): Dark Angels

▪ FOUNDING: Unknown

▪ ALLEGIANCE: Chaos (Presumed), themselves

▪ CHAPTER MASTER: Lothen

▪ CHAPTER WORLD: None

▪ FORTRESS MONASTERY: The Strike Cruiser. “Lions’ Truth”

▪ MAIN COLOURS: Black edged in red

▪ SPECIALITY: Hit and run

▪ BATTLE CRY: “Destroy their lies!”

▪ CURRENT STRENGTH: Barely two companies of space marines, human numbers unknown

▪ KNOWN DESCENDANTS: None

 

ORIGINS

 

The day Caliban was destroyed. The day lies descended on the Dark Angels Legion and turned brother against brother. This day proved a catalyst for Sergeant Lothen and has squad. Loyal to their primarch, Sergeant Lothen had been taken prisoner along with the rest of his squad for defying Luther and the path they had chosen. When the Lion rained wrath on his own planet, the squad escaped the bars only to be confronted by a lie. Believing themselves saved, they were shocked when the Lions’ forces opened fire on them, believing them to be traitors and like many marines that day, Lothen and the surviving members of his squad were thrown into time and space.

 

Having now become Fallen Angels it wasn’t long, to Lothen at least, for their brothers to hunt them down and began readying themselves that was sure to come. The Fallen Angels soon began work preparing themselves, working their way into the criminal hub of the outcast world and working their way to the top of the foodchain. Soon enough, supplies along were possessed and their numbers had been boosted not only by the mortal mercenaries but by renegade space marines who had been rejected by their chapter for one reason or another.

 

Then they arrived. The Dark Angels reborn in the form of the Angels of Vengeance. Their forces? A battle company aboard the Strike Cruiser ‘The Lions’ Wrath.’ On patrol, they had heard reports of pirates and the possibility of a base hidden away in the system. Easy prey for space marines. The hunters were in for a surprise once the ground assault had been issued. Tough fighting ensured. The Angels of Vengeance were caught by surprise by the mercenaries appearing out of thin air from the deserts only to disappear again. In the end, the space marines had been wiped out with their battered strike cruiser now in the hands of Lothen and his forces. What resources the planet still had were used in repair the strike cruiser and then left to become ruins.

 

 

PRESENT ACTIVITIES

 

Recently, Lothen and his ‘Blades of Truth’ as he called them have been on the hunt, taking supplies when needed and hitting the Dark Angels and their descendants whenever they can. The Lions Wrath has been sighted during the 13^th Black Crusade most recently, seemingly helping the forces of Chaos in their goal to cause havoc. Reports suggest that the Blades of Truth have been known to fire on chaos forces and that the lure of Chaos may not have taken them as well.

 

RECRUITMENT

 

The Blades of Truth lack the means of creating their own space marines with ease. Instead, renegade space marines or outcasts have been recruited to help increase and replace any marines lost during combat. There are rumours however of marines being captured and forced to serve, though the methods used are not known. It is very likely that because of this, the Blades of Truth have focused themselves on using hit and run tactics along with going after easy targets that ensure success with minimum lose to life.

 

It is possible Lothen is planning on getting a more secure way on creating marines. This can be concluded from Unforgiven gene seed being missing from fallen brothers. One of the biggest reasons Lothen has managed to succeed this is that because of his mistrust of Chaos and of its taint, he will not reason with the Dark Mechanicus or any similar force willing to offer the required services.

 

GENE-SEED

 

While the Fallen Angels of the group possess Dark Angel gene seed, their renegade brothers possess gene seeds from most legions such as World Eaters, Imperial Fist and so on. Those recruits that have been made appear to use stolen Dark Angel gene seed. This can be concluded from the remains of Unforgiven space marine corpses having their gene seed missing on recovery.

 

BELIEFS

 “I will not damn ourselves so we can destroy our foes!”

 

From what can be gathered, it appears that the Blades of Truth believe to have been wronged by the forces they served. This reaches down in to the renegade guardsmen and mercenaries that follow them. Brotherhood is also an important belief, the most likely reason why the group has stayed together and not stabbed each other in the back. This has led to them always trying to keep each other alive and forged a bond of trust amongst themselves. 

 

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This is all I have done so far and I'll try and update this as much as I can before the deadline. As I said before any C&C would be greatly appreciated.

Edited by Dizzyeye, 03 July 2015 - 06:55 PM.

[Doctor Perils]

Hmm, intriguing, Fallen Angels who in fact had not sided with Luther...
 

Now, there are two little inconsistencies that spring to mind : if Lothen is a sergeant, how come he commands two companies of space marines ? and why do they actually recruit astartes who have fallen to chaos (like world eaters), but actually mistrust anybody who is close to chaos ?

 

The next is not an inconsistency, more a question which I hope will help you expand on this warband : WHY do they fight ? do they merely fight for the vengeance of being wronged ? You might want to expand on this, because in their place I believe an Astartes would understand why his erstwhile brothers had fired upon them.

 

Also, which lies are you refering to when you say that the Blades wish to destroy them : according to official canon, the fact that Luther turned against the Lion and the Emperor is not a lie. Many have conjectured that it is in fact the other way round, and this may be what you are referring to, but the truth is we'll never know for certain, and neither should the members of the loyalist inner circle (who are of course the only ones to know about these half-truths) : in that case, you may want to add a little sentence saying that any who hear their warcry - even the members of the inner circle - are confused by it, because they don't know either which lies the blades of truth want to destroy. If it is something else, than tell us about it, because as it is we can't really guess unfortunately.

 

Finally, create one or two other great heroes for the warband : through them, you will be able to give the warband more character, because Marines are all legends in their own right. If you only have one person who is named out of two hundred warriors, this tends to make the other soldiers lesser, rather than make the leader stand out, which indirectly makes Lothen less impressive also : since you haven't yet written about the great deeds of Lothen, and since the other marines are nameless, than subconsciously the reader is going to think that what Lothen does is merely lead a band of men at arms.

 

 

I apologize if these comments sound harsher than I wish them to be, I'm quite tired : the concept is definitely cool, and what you have done for the moment is pretty good. Though I haven't read all that much about Fallen Angels (at least from their view point), I haven't come across the concept of Fallen Angels that were in this situation. But I do believe that the issues here should be addressed. Good luck ! 

[The Pariah]

Hmm, intriguing, Fallen Angels who in fact had not sided with Luther...
 

Now, there are two little inconsistencies that spring to mind : if Lothen is a sergeant, how come he commands two companies of space marines ? and why do they actually recruit astartes who have fallen to chaos (like world eaters), but actually mistrust anybody who is close to chaos ?

 

He built the companies up from the ground. Originally he was a Sergeant within the Dark Angels Legion but pretty much made himself the Commander of all the forces when they got transported through time and space. And by renegades, I mean people who aren't alligned with the Imperium but haven't fallen to Chaos yet.

 

The next is not an inconsistency, more a question which I hope will help you expand on this warband : WHY do they fight ? do they merely fight for the vengeance of being wronged ? You might want to expand on this, because in their place I believe an Astartes would understand why his erstwhile brothers had fired upon them.

 

I will expand on this in the beliefs part.

 

Also, which lies are you refering to when you say that the Blades wish to destroy them : according to official canon, the fact that Luther turned against the Lion and the Emperor is not a lie. Many have conjectured that it is in fact the other way round, and this may be what you are referring to, but the truth is we'll never know for certain, and neither should the members of the loyalist inner circle (who are of course the only ones to know about these half-truths) : in that case, you may want to add a little sentence saying that any who hear their warcry - even the members of the inner circle - are confused by it, because they don't know either which lies the blades of truth want to destroy. If it is something else, than tell us about it, because as it is we can't really guess unfortunately.

 

The 'lie' was the part where Lothen and his men were believed to be part of  Luthers' men when it's in fact they aren't. It isn't so much if Luther was right or the Lion was right. It was the fact they got mistaken for the enemy.

 

Finally, create one or two other great heroes for the warband : through them, you will be able to give the warband more character, because Marines are all legends in their own right. If you only have one person who is named out of two hundred warriors, this tends to make the other soldiers lesser, rather than make the leader stand out, which indirectly makes Lothen less impressive also : since you haven't yet written about the great deeds of Lothen, and since the other marines are nameless, than subconsciously the reader is going to think that what Lothen does is merely lead a band of men at arms.

 

I'll be sure to. I'm not wanting this to be a case of Lothen being the sole 'hero' per say. 

 

I apologize if these comments sound harsher than I wish them to be, I'm quite tired : the concept is definitely cool, and what you have done for the moment is pretty good. Though I haven't read all that much about Fallen Angels (at least from their view point), I haven't come across the concept of Fallen Angels that were in this situation. But I do believe that the issues here should be addressed. Good luck ! 

 I've got my responses underlined within the comments