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IL XX - The Predators

Brotherhood of the Lost Alternate universe Fanfiction

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#1
Kelborn

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Welcome to the tales of the XXth Legiones Astartes, the Predators!

 

I will use this first post as a summary to give you (the reader) an overview of what this is all about. As it will include quite a few things, I will use spoiler tags to minimize the posts size. smile.png

 

Feel free to comment.

 

Cheers,

Kelborn

 

Original first post:

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

XXth Legiones Astartes, the Predators

 

I am the Hunter,
I am the Spear in his Hand,
I am the Stalker in the night,
I am His Will incarnate,

I am the enforcer of my Emperor,
I am the instrument of His will,
He condemns and I execute,

They are prooved to be guilty,

I have come for them,

I am death

Story Arc / timeline: (not acurate anymore, needs to be revised)

Spoiler

 

Culture:

Spoiler

 

Warfare:

Spoiler

 

Organization:

Spoiler

 

Mardum & Abassi

Spoiler

 

The tribes of Mardum

Spoiler

 

Outcome of the Insurrection / the battle of Mardum:

Spoiler

 

Notable Elements

Spoiler

 

Appearance

Spoiler

 


Edited by Lord Thørn, 28 November 2017 - 09:37 PM.

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#2
AlphariusOmegon108

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deathsworn when insurrectionists, before that night striders.

 

I like it so far. I WOULD advice for either a very dark green or a dust-white-sand color for the armor, maybe african style things like this could make fo a way better feel:

https://nl.pinterest...29260905093088/


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#3
Sigismund229

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The Grave Stalkers use terror and intimidation
The Brotherhood of the Lost

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The IIIrd legion, the Crimson Lions formerly known as the Blood Wolves. http://www.bolterand...-crimson-lions/

 

 

 

 


#4
Kelborn

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I fear that dark green would remind too much of Dark Angels.

And dust-white-sand reminds me of the Ghost Walkers. They were like that plus a bit of green. :/


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#5
AlphariusOmegon108

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still, purple would not fit the african style though... maybe a combination of black/dark grey armor with brownshoulderpads and then another color for edges?


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#6
simison

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I'm still posting through my phone, so I'll be brief.

The legion doesn't have to fall to Tzeentch. At this point, I'd almost rather they didn't. As far as the Insurrection, you can go Traitor, Loyalist, or Reformist. The story is still raw enough to allow for some maneuvering.

Project Leader of the Brotherhood of the Lost

 
The Second Son: Narrative of the BOTL Vth Legion Primarch

 

Brotherhood of the Lost has arrived on Patreon

 

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#7
~Drakzilla~

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Alright, so when I look at the lineup of all the legion's color schemes that Lord Thorn made, I see that we have no blue legion. We've got plenty of white/light grey, a couple red, tons of bronze/orange, but when it comes to cool colors, we seem to be lacking.

As for the name, how about something that references the African/Voodoo theme? Like Spectral Spears or something.

#8
Praefectus Invictus

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The Jackals also use terror tactics.


Blood Angels

HH Ultramarines

XI Legion: http://www.bolterand...n/#entry4140289

Khorne Daemonkin

 

Formerly Sanguinata

 

 

                           

                       


#9
bluntblade

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Maybe, seeing as there's African influence in there, go Zulu? Shield carriers who nonetheless prize highly mobile tactics compared to the phalanxes of the Vth and IIIrd.

The Ghost Walkers already went in for terror tactics, but it wouldn't hurt to do something a little different.

My suggestion for colour would be tan-and-steel. Bit of a savannah reference. Wraith Spears would be my vote for a name.

Edited by bluntblade, 07 August 2016 - 05:01 AM.


#10
Kelborn

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Ok,

 

just to answer some thoughts:

 

The Tzeentch factor: Ok. Will have a look on it. Leaves me with more opportunities and I like it. ;)

 

The Usage of Terror: Just woke up and I think that instead I'd use terror tactics rather to intimidate than to break morale, making them something like oppressors or thugs. "You did surrender, hm? After loosing thousands of your people? With your cities ravaged? A bit late for that, hm?" *raises general high so that everyone can see him* "That is what happens with stupidity and ignorance! The Emperor forgives! We don't!" *breaks his neck* "Let this be your first and only warning!" *impales him on a spear* "Be pleasant or we will return!"

 

Combat doctrine: Had something similar in mind, Blunt. Something of a mix between White Scars mobility and Raven Guards infiltration. Their homeworld is a dangerous jungle. You need to be sneeky and fast in order to survive. After their revamp by their Primarch, he'll add his new unit types, changing their doctrine a bit. Zulu is a great hin, thanks!

 

Colors: Well yeah, we got a lot of bronze, light grey and white...so let me have a look on it. African, jungle, no bright colors...leaves me with dark grey / black, earth colors and for the details maybe gold or bleached bones. Would like to use bone colors to strengthen an intimidating look. Therefore, their faceplates will likely be white (also a reference to Baron Samadi).

 

Name: Spears...of course. I was so focused on a stealthy name, I completely forgot to use spears. xD

 

Ok, new names incoming:

 

Shadow Hunters, Deathsworn, Night Striders, Shadowspears, Darkspears (crap...not again a wow reference ^^"), Black Spectres, Wraith Spears

 

Overall: Had the idea of giving them pelts, tokens and fetishes to resemble their african / voodoo culture. The Vlka had that, why not them as well? Like the Wolves, they could be superstitious, believing in tokens, runes and the like. That's how the "Furies" were founded, making great use of these kind of stuff which really improve the warrior. (Remember the berzerklike Dark Elves in Thor 2? Like them)

 

So I'm currently striving to take some influences from the Wolves, Scars and the more stealthier Legions and mix them with the overall theme of the new XXth.

 

Thanks, guys! :)


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#11
bluntblade

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That level of thuggery might impinge on the Berserkers' turf.

#12
Slips

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Yarr how about incorporating Umbra into their name instead of Shadow/Dark/Night, etc.?

 

Like the Umbra Reavers or something. 


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#13
Kelborn

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Kay...well, if that's the case, I'll have a closer look on the Scars influence. Maybe turning them into loners, who are chasing the outer realms of the Imperium. Something like our version of the White Scars: loners, savage but noble culture and so on.

 

*holds breath*

 

Yeah, that could really work! biggrin.png

 

*edit*

 

Umbra..see that's why I'm working with you. Would never have the idea of using the word Umbra. ^^

Thanks.


Edited by Kelborn, 07 August 2016 - 06:00 AM.

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#14
MikhalLeNoir

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You waited until I slept to post^^

So as we habe the terror Tactics u can use a different sortnif terror. The terror of destroyers. While the others work with fear using atrocities you can simlly bomb city after city away. Coldhearted. Walk to the next city and say u have 1 hour. Kneel or die. And then you bomb the city to the ground. Sending your destroyers.

One thing you have a bit wrong is speed in Jungle warfare^^ sorry to point that out but you can't move very fast in a jungle. The whole speed like white scars have a big problem....trees^^. "Sarge!!! Are you sure???" "Of course!!! That is our terrain, we attsck tgem swiftly sith speeders" "but sarge, there are trees" " never saw starwars? They mived with speeders through the forest" "sarge...that was a movie and a relativly light forest....this is a dense jungle""shaddap whelp, CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!" 1000 died when they crashed into the woods.

But guerilla tactics. Sneaky attacks from behind, move through cover etc is for the jungle. I would rethink that aspect.

If the spectral sight enables seeing auras, then this would give a huge advantage in guerilla and night fights. As you cann see the enemy but they can't see you.

"Uhmm...is this your rad grenade mortimer?"
"Uhm...not really"
"To whom belongs this rad grenade...and why is it acti...."

HAAAAAAAALLLELUJA!!!
https://youtu.be/4dKnnUcNrwU


Color scheme...a bit dark. Green, brown, wooden tones.

Bit as you are infested in voodoo and blood rituals...why not decorate your army with bones. You could take the legion of the damned as inspiration^^ without the flames or here the flames depict the spectral form. If you ever buy.models you can concert legion of the damned and nightlords. Add furpelts instead of skin. Tadaaaaa evil looking voodoo/ legion.

Base color. Make that the last when everything else is clear.

Edited by MikhalLeNoir, 07 August 2016 - 08:38 AM.

Open for Comissions, just PM me. The Wardens of Light were like golden blades, cutting down their enemies scarring the darkness.

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#15
~Drakzilla~

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Dark blue-grey and bone might be a neat combo that would suggest spectres. They could adorn their armor with actual bones or paint it with tribal markings and runes to ward against the spirits.
  • MikhalLeNoir and bluntblade like this

#16
MikhalLeNoir

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Of course the question is how this will fit with the imperial truth. I mean the emperor tortured Travier to let loose of his beliefs. What will he do with a voodoo spirtitual primarch who can see death people?

The color scheme drak mentioned could look ace.

Open for Comissions, just PM me. The Wardens of Light were like golden blades, cutting down their enemies scarring the darkness.

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#17
Sigismund229

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Kelborn, for terror instead of destroyers and the like you could have them use terror by saying "Surrender. Or we kill every living thing on this world. You have 1 hour to decide".

EDIT: Whoops, ignore me

Edited by Sigismund229, 07 August 2016 - 08:27 AM.

The Brotherhood of the Lost

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The IIIrd legion, the Crimson Lions formerly known as the Blood Wolves. http://www.bolterand...-crimson-lions/

 

 

 

 


#18
Kelborn

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God dam... I've wrote a post for nearly half an hour and everything is gone. -.- Embrace the short version:

 

Ok guys, before I'll withdraw to work on them (got enough impressions and ideas together), I'll comment on your thoughts.

 

Jungle & Speed

 

Had the same though while on my way to work. Doesn't make sense. Either their doctrine will change or their homeworld will be made of steppes and savannas.

 

Question: As I thought that we already have a couple of infiltration, guerilla Legions, what do we actually need?

A fast, mobile or a stealthy + destroyer Legion?

 

The idea Mikhal offered concerning terror is nearly the same thing I had in mind for them. That's what I'd meant with being thugs. Sometimes I'm missing words or formulations. As I'm trying to circumscribe it or to find another way to say it, it can lead to misunderstandings. Sorry for that.

 

The Emperor & belief

 

Although being raised by shamans and a superstitious culture, he abandoned their beliefs when found by the Emperor. He embraces the Emperors vision like Lorgar though lacking Lorgards zeal and fanatism. After revealing the link between dark gods and mankind, he returns home, diving into ancient lore of Wraith Hunters in order to enable his Legion to successfully fighting them. Old rituals and lore will be introduced, when they turn renegade and the Legion is revamped.

 

Concerning pelts and tokens. The Vlka Fenryka have them as well so there should not be a problem. Instead of wolves, they will likely have feline ones.

 

Color Schemes

 

Here are a couple of schemes I did in the morning, featuring a variety of earth tones, black, grey, green and bone.

After resulting a couple of pictures of African warriors and the like, they shared one commonality: white painted faces. That's why I used a white (bone) faceplate. Think that this should be a definite part of their scheme. Furthermore, I'd prefer dark colors to support their shadowy character.

 

Ebonspears color scheme

Edited by Kelborn, 07 August 2016 - 08:58 AM.

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#19
bluntblade

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Isn't that one of your Clans, Sigi?

Siluros, I believe

#20
~Drakzilla~

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I like the 4, 6, and 7th ones best.
I don't think the bones and war paint need to be spiritually significant to them, just symbols or cultural elements from their homeworld. Much like the flames on Salamanders' armor, or hieroglyphs from the Thousand Sons.

Also, what with the whole "wraith hunters" theme, I'd love to see some fluff where they fight a bunch of Eldar constructs.

Edited by drakzilla, 07 August 2016 - 09:44 AM.


#21
MikhalLeNoir

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Ged rid of the colored kneepad and it wouldn't cry out chapter. Then i am for the 4th or last

Concerning legion thraits we are missing.

Speed is a factor of the eagle warriors with rheir massed assault via tanks and jetbikes. As well as the wardens for their multiangled crossfire tactics.

What we lack on traitorside is a siege expert. Think siege, guerilla and destroyer are not the most common. And using the psypowers simply for destruction. We have the pyromants on the firekeeper bit icarion amd alex concentrate on divination and forshadowing.
So a witch cult who uses their powers for destruction. Could be also a reason why they attack the fire keepers as I am relatively sure that niklaas doesn't like a primarch who uses his powers lime the witches of niklaas homeplanet.

Edited by MikhalLeNoir, 07 August 2016 - 09:54 AM.

Open for Comissions, just PM me. The Wardens of Light were like golden blades, cutting down their enemies scarring the darkness.

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#22
bluntblade

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That is a very good point. We lack an equivalent to Perturabo, at least int terms of giving the Insurrectionists a siege expert

#23
~Drakzilla~

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I'm not sure that our tribal african analogue is the best candidate for a siege legion...anybody seen the movie Zulu?

#24
MikhalLeNoir

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Envisiom the defendsnts on the walls rad grenades fly over their hads. Meteors are falling from the sky and in front of them thereare burning members of their family while the marines make some voodoo ritual to frightrn the enemy and dance around the fire. By the way. What about a kannibalistic thrait. They are eating the friends of the defendants.....

Edited by MikhalLeNoir, 07 August 2016 - 10:07 AM.

Open for Comissions, just PM me. The Wardens of Light were like golden blades, cutting down their enemies scarring the darkness.

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#25
bluntblade

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I'm not sure that our tribal african analogue is the best candidate for a siege legion...anybody seen the movie Zulu?


Hell yeah. That scene with the two Welsh guys talking about how the Drakensberg mountains aren't a patch on Bala is even better once you're well acquainted with Bala (a river that always goes flows into that town, I've kayaked it sooo many times)





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