Donkey Kong Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 Last round was a stream of consciousness with tongue planted firmly in cheek. So, this one is going to be my attempt at a first draft. The Second Post is going to need a good overhaul after I’m done with this. Hopefully I’ll be able to update the First Post as well. ORIGINS Sector ________ has problems with Ork expansion. 2 Adeptus Mechanicus Forge Worlds, Imperial Navy Battlefleet ________, Imperial Guard, Ordos Xenos Inquisitors, and Deathwatch Kill-teams can’t deal with it. The Astral Reavers are Founded. The Astral Reavers Training Cadre is recruited from the Red Talons Chapter. The first Chapter Master is a master tactician, not necessarily the best fighter. The Astral Reavers save Sector ________ and are named/ recognized as Wardens. Defining moment in history happens, the Moirae Schism. The Astral Reavers turn on their wards. Massive civil war ensues. The Astral Reavers save Sector ________ again. One of the Forge Worlds is thoroughly destroyed. The Astral Reavers get cool toys out of their vaults. HOMEWORLD PATUGAIN SAND & SEA Patuger was rediscovered in M34 in Sector ________ wild space by an Adeptus Mechanicus Explorator Fleet led by Magos ________. Expecting to find a dead planet, Magos ________ was instead greeted by the Patugain Cult Mechanicus Magi and the Great House Lords and Ladies of a thriving, tropical water world. A standard procedure planetary survey was conducted and the initial plans were drafted to bring Patuger into the Imperial fold. However, those plans were short lived and came to an abrupt halt when the Patugain petition to host the Sector’s Chapter of the Emperor’s Adeptus Astartes was accepted. Recruitment and construction of the new Fortress Monastery, Endiger, began shortly thereafter and was closely overseen by the Patugain Magi in partnership with representatives from the nearby Forge Worlds ________(1) and ________(2) and the Astral Reavers Training Cadre. The Astral Reavers draw their recruits from countless Patugain deckhands, whether abducted and press ganged, volunteers both sanguine and desperate, or adolescent nobility looking to prove their right to rule, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all kinds. Select brothers watch raids and battles from afar, taking in those young boys found worthy. COMBAT DOCTRINE VOIDBORNE The Astral Reavers Chapter Combat Doctrine is focused on Ork Fighting. The Astral Reavers attack Ork ships and occasionally launch the ships back at Ork worlds as asteroids. Chapter Master ________ (The Red Talon tactician) thought this plan more time efficient, more combat effective, and less threatening to the Chapter. There’s less danger of the Chapter losing initiative or losing strength that would cripple the Chapter. An Ork without a ship is not a threat to anyone but himself and his Ork neighbors, and that’s not a downside. The Astral Reavers focused on voidborne combat arm themselves appropriately. Weapons and wargear are chosen for their effectiveness in tight confines aboard spacefaring ships. Flamers, Lascutters, Meltas, Shotguns, Power Fists, Chain Fists. Boarding Shields, Breaching Charges, Melta Bombs, Void Hardened Armor. The Astral Reavers Second Company is more in line with Codex Typical Ork Combat Doctrine focused on raiding Ork strongholds and eliminating threatening leaders. The Second Company is focused on speed and mobility to get into and out of combat quickly to eliminate key targets and escape overwhelming numbers. Bikes, Land Speeders, Aircraft. The Second Company Captain has a Jetbike. CHAPTER ORGANIZATION CODEX Officially, the Astral Reavers Chapter divides its forces into ten companies in accordance with the Codex Astartes. On record at any given time, there exists a First Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, two Tactical Reserve Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and leadership staff. In practice, the Chapter’s Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies form the core of the Chapter’s independent fighting strength with First Company Veterans, Reserves, and Neophytes attached as needed. Outside of large engagements, it is more common for these battle groups to again be divided into smaller task forces and assigned patrols. This Combat specialty made city fighting in the Moirae Schism easier for the Chapter. In more recent times, the Chapter has been adept at combating Tyranid bioships by boarding them. The Chapter’s Second Company was first used as a dumping ground for undesirables. They were the foolhardy and vainglorious, those who found the Chapter’s doctrines cowardly, and sought to attack the Orks. Casualties were predictably high, but where they succeeded, they were hailed as heroes. The castoffs had become champions. Throughout the Chapter’s history, the Second Company strength has fluctuated dramatically from less than fifty brothers including all command staff to upwards of three hundred. Mounted on bikes, land speeders, and aircraft, the Second is not a battle company so much as a latent crusading force with talons outstretched ready to seize blood and glory. CHAPTER CULT PRAISE THE MACHINE The Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium of Man by oath and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by faith. Battle brothers subscribe to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan. GENE-SEED GORGON The Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by his blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the Red Talons Chapter. The Chapter boasts an impressive pedigree and has succeeded in staving off genetic degradation across millennia. Martian records indicate that the Chapter’s battle brothers boast a full suite of functional implants, and observations of the Chapter’s character finds them free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousin Chapters. Origins I’m having a hard time putting this one together into words. My biggest problem is that I don’t know where to start. Do I start with the Chapter being founded? The Training Cadre and the First Chapter Master? The problems happening in Sector ________? How much should I delve into the Moirae Schism? Homeworld What do I need to say about the Patugain Cult Mechanicus? What do I need to say about the sunken Hive cities? Combat Doctrine How codex adherent do I need to say the Chapter is? Chapter Organization What do I need to say about the Chapter Fleet? Chapter Cult What do I need to say about Iron Fathers? What do I need to say about the Chapter’s relationship with the Ecclesiarchy? Gene-seed Successor Chapter(s)? I've always liked the idea of having quotes under each of the headings. I've just always been really bad at writing quotes. “You will follow my plan.” “I’ll kill orks. I’ll bring you [Warboss]’s head, I’ll break his fleets and factories, and I’ll drop a rock on him, for old time’s sake.” Conversation between Chapter Master ________ and Captain ________, Second Company M35. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 A question; Why the gene-seed of Ferrus Manus? ~ NightrawenII Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted April 1, 2017 Author Share Posted April 1, 2017 Short answer, it works. Long answer, it fills a lot of holes, admittedly many self dug. It gives me reason to have their story linked to Forge Worlds and the Adeptus Mechanicus. It gives me reason for the Chapter to follow the Cult Mechanicus instead of their own homeworld faith or the Ecclesiarchy. It gives me reason to have semi unique Chaplains in Iron Fathers. It gives me reason for the Chapter to horde and have access to cool tech. It gives the marines themselves more reason to have character traits that make them stubborn and headstrong and occasionally ferocious. Overall, I think I've used it to facilitate the alliances and conflicts I think make the Chapter interesting and that it adds more than it takes away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 I'm asking, because I find it hard to reconcile the image of tropical-island seafarers and marauders with that of ruthless cyborgs who loathe everyone, including themselves. ~ NightrawenII Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted April 2, 2017 Author Share Posted April 2, 2017 I don't know, that sounds pretty cool to me. Although the Patugains and the Reavers aren't necessarily full cyborg-y either. Nor hate everything as much as hate Orks and Hereteks and Tyranids and other people having space ships and other people having cool stuff that they don't have. . . . maybe they do hate everyone? I started updating the opening post, I'm pretty happy with where Chapter Cult and Gene-Seed are. Copied here for convenience. CHAPTER CULT|PRAISE THE MACHINE The Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by oath and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by faith. Battle brothers subscribe to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force, a commonality in the Cult Mechanicus that has brought the Chapter to blows in the past. The Chapter's spiritual leaders are its Iron Fathers, an ancient office passed down from mankind's Medusan antiquity, older than the Imperium itself. Skilled orators recruited from the Chapter's own most fervent and dogmatic, Astral Reaver Iron Fathers take on the roles of Codex typical Chaplains and Techmarines. In doing so, they may better guide the faithful and serve as advisors for the Chapter's officers. While not inherent, it is not unprecedented for an Iron Father to lead a strike force or hold captaincy. GENE-SEED|GORGON The Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. The Astral Reavers boast an impressive pedigree and have successfully staved off genetic degradation across the millennia. Martian records indicate that the Chapter's battle brothers possess a full suite of functional implants. Further observations of the Chapter's character finds the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloodhound23 Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 I think mentioning the Astral Reavers' particular relationship to the events of the Moirae Schism in the Origins section would help situate their particular belief structure, giving you a chance to show off how they differ from IH, SoM, other tenth legion successor chapters, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boldthreat Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 I'm asking, because I find it hard to reconcile the image of tropical-island seafarers and marauders with that of ruthless cyborgs who loathe everyone, including themselves. ~ NightrawenII I think it actually works. The Island culture and natural boundaries, in the right circumstances could create a very war-like sea-faring society where only the strong survive and thrive. I think you could in a unique way draw some parallels to the Maduson society, at the same time making it unique and culturally different. I don't know, that sounds pretty cool to me. Although the Patugains and the Reavers aren't necessarily full cyborg-y either. Nor hate everything as much as hate Orks and Hereteks and Tyranids and other people having space ships and other people having cool stuff that they don't have. . . . maybe they do hate everyone? I started updating the opening post, I'm pretty happy with where Chapter Cult and Gene-Seed are. Copied here for convenience. CHAPTER CULT|PRAISE THE MACHINE The Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by oath and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by faith. Battle brothers subscribe to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force, a commonality in the Cult Mechanicus that has brought the Chapter to blows in the past. The Chapter's spiritual leaders are its Iron Fathers, an ancient office passed down from mankind's Medusan antiquity, older than the Imperium itself. Skilled orators recruited from the Chapter's own most fervent and dogmatic, Astral Reaver Iron Fathers take on the roles of Codex typical Chaplains and Techmarines. In doing so, they may better guide the faithful and serve as advisors for the Chapter's officers. While not inherent, it is not unprecedented for an Iron Father to lead a strike force or hold captaincy. GENE-SEED|GORGON The Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. The Astral Reavers boast an impressive pedigree and have successfully staved off genetic degradation across the millennia. Martian records indicate that the Chapter's battle brothers possess a full suite of functional implants. Further observations of the Chapter's character finds the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins. I really like what you have going here. I feel like Iron Hand Successors sometimes are too shoe-horned into being just like the Iron Hands themselves... I think you have a Chapter here that successfully pays respect to ancient traditions while having a unique identity all of its own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted April 14, 2017 Author Share Posted April 14, 2017 Thank you Boldthreat, Bloodhond23 I've been editing my IA in the first post, and I did a round of cleanup in the second. Copied and Pasted what I'm working with right now. I'm still shy of word count for Bronze, and I still have plenty more work to do on it. INDEX ASTARTES ASTRAL REAVERS ORIGINS|WARD The Astral Reavers Chapter was founded in mid M34 to combat Ork incursion into Imperial controlled space in Sector ________. HOMEWORLD|PATUGAIN SAND & SEA In early M34, the planet Patuger was rediscovered by Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators in intrasector wild space. Having set out to find a dead world, explorators were astonished to be greeted by the Patugain Cult Mechanicus and introduced to the feudal Lords and Ladies of the Patugain Great Houses. Initial plans to bring Patuger into the Imperial fold were abruptly halted when the Patugain petition to host Sector ________'s Adeptus Astartes Chapter was accepted, and the transition was made from drafting governance to neophyte recruitment and construction of the Chapter's Fortress Monastery and system fortifications. Patuger is a tropical water world inhabited by techno-barbarians. Great Houses and the Lesser Houses sworn to them skirmish with and raid their neighbors over farmland in clearwater shallows and lagoons, dry territory islands and platforms, technological marvels colloquially called rafts, with bungalow towns built atop them, and other resources needed to sustain life. Beneath the surface, drowned hive necropoles serve as a reminder of what the world once was. The Astral Reavers recruit their hopefuls from countless young Patugain deckhands, whether abducted and press ganged, volunteers both sanguine and desperate, or adolescent nobility out to prove their right to rule, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all found worthy in the wake of war. COMBAT DOCTRINE|VOIDBORNE To zealots, cowards, to the practical, astute. In the face over overwhelming Ork incursion, the Astral Reavers have largely foregone standard Imperial decapitation raids in favor of a more specialized modus operandi. Self styled lords of the void, Astral Reaver combat doctrine is a refinement of boarding actions and close quarters combat found within the Codex Astartes, honed over millennia of war into an instrument of subtle slaughter. Predicated on the principle that a landlocked enemy is no enemy at all, Chapter strategy is focused instead on decimating enemy fleets. In more recent years the Astral Reavers carried over their doctrine to battle encroaching Tyranid bioships from Hive Fleet Leviathan. When the Chapter is coerced into more conventional planetside battles, Astral Reavers make no attempt to hold territory instead favoring fast attack vehicles to conduct raids and cut into the enemy to eliminate key targets before withdrawing. CHAPTER ORGANIZATION|CODEX Officially, the Astral Reavers Chapter divides its forces into ten companies in accordance with the Codex Astartes. On record at any given time, there exists a First Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, two Tactical Reserve Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and leadership staff. In practice, the Chapter's strength is divided into three major Battle Groups with First Company Veterans, Tenth Company Neophytes, and Reserves attached as needed to the Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies. Outside of prolonged campaigns, it is more common for these Battle Groups to again be divided into smaller task forces, varying in strength from single demi-squads to upwards of half a Battle Company. The Astral Reavers Second Battle Company is its most illustrious by far, possessing more honors and decorations than any two of its brother Battle Groups combined. Few of the Chapter's heroes have served without making their way through its ranks, although the Company's origins are less prestigious. First used as a dumping ground for malcontents and undesirables, Second Company Reavers sought to attack Ork strongholds using more traditional Imperial raiding and decapitation doctrines. They were the foolhardy and vainglorious, stubborn and perhaps most traditionally iron, those who thought the Chapter's voidborne strategy cowardly, insufficient, and unbecoming of their station. The Second spearheaded campaigns, liberated worlds conceded or thought lost, and became the Chapter's champions. CHAPTER CULT|PRAISE THE MACHINE Servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by blood and oath, and the Deus Mechanicus by spirit and faith, Astral Reavers Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force, a commonality in the Cult Mechanicus that strains the Chapter's relations with other Imperial factions and has brought the Chapter to blows in the past. The Chapter's spiritual leaders are its Iron Fathers, skilled orators recruited from the Chapter's own most fervent and dogmatic. Anointed tech-priests, Iron Fathers take on the role of Codex Chaplains guiding their faithful brothers in the teachings of the Cult Mechanicus. While not inherent, it is not unprecedented for an Iron Father to lead a task force or hold captaincy. GENE-SEED|GORGON Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. The Chapter boast an impressive pedigree and have succeeded in staving off genetic degradation across the millennia. Martian records indicate that the Chapter's battle brothers possess a full suite of functional implants. Further observations of the Chapter's character finds the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins. Criticizing myself, My origins isn't a section. It's a sentence, it's boring, and it doesn't mean much of anything. Bloodhound23 suggested including the Moirae Schism in the origins, and I've wanted to include it there, but it's feeling strange to transition into it and narrow down what points I need to hit to make it sound important and not veer off into what should be a short story. Homeworld, it feels disjointed and bare. The first paragraph is a bunch of stuff about how the world was discovered and it's sort of good background but it doesn't add much from the Chapter's side of things. The second paragraph is all of the points that I like to hit, what's the society, how do people live, where are the Astral Reavers recruited from, but it feels disjointed when it's together that way. I also have the odd sentence about the sunken hive cities because I'm too attached to the words "drowned hive necropoles" and I want to fit it in somewhere. It feels lacking, but I don't know what to expand on without becoming superfluous. Combat Doctrine it's short but I like it. I was thinking of expanding on the notion that the Chapter is bad at holding territory, they don't defend well, they don't have the heavy armor to support the strategy. I'm also not sure how much, if at all, I should drone on about the weapons and wargear the Chapter uses. I'm happy with my Chapter Organization, Chapter Cult, and Gene-seed Ideas I've been bouncing around. Commissar Molotov said before that he liked the idea of a strong character for a Chapter to be built around. The Castigators have this with the character Baraquiel, their first Chapter Master. I mentioned the idea in passing earlier, but I've been kicking around the thought of a more strategically minded Red Talon taking charge of the Astral Reavers and devising the Chapter's combat doctrine. So, more forward planning and less rage, rip and tear. I've also been thinking more about what to do with the Chapter Heraldry, and I have an idea that I keep coming back to, but I'm not sure if it's too contrived. The kraken heraldry is the first Chapter Master's personal heraldry. Instead of being a kraken, it is going to supposedly be a stylized medusa or gorgon head. There's some hearsay that the gorgon myth is supposed to be based on a squid or octopus. There's also an extraordinarily reaching bit word play that makes very little sense even when I write it out but amuses me nonetheless where kraken, derived from the Norwegian krake meaning unhealthy or twisted relates to the Horus Rising character Maloghurst "the twisted" who served as Horus's equerry and advisor, known for his shrewd mind. Homeworld idea. Forge Worlds are supposed to have been created when Mars sent out ships and those ships found worlds and started building. What if Patuger was a world that was supposed to have become a Forge World before the flooding happened and it was presumed destroyed and cut off from the other human worlds? There's also the aftermath of the Moirae Schism, does it make sense for there to be a Patugain Cult Mechanicus presence on the Forge World that went heretek? I'm imagining it like the pound of flesh scenario the United States got out of Japan with the Okinawa base after the Second World War. Would that be interpreted as the Chapter overstepping itself? I'm still terrible at naming everything. The laziest idea I have is to just call the Sector the Patuger Sector and be done with it in the same way as Badab was in the Badab sector. It doesn't make much sense given that the sector is part of the Imperium for millennia before Patuger is rediscovered again, but details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar Molotov Posted April 17, 2017 Share Posted April 17, 2017 The Drowned Stars? I had a thought and rather liked the idea of your Sector inhabiting an area known as the Aegean Caul - I like the idea of a nebula-like structure, tendrils of colour which perhaps allows you to play around with ideas around stellar navigation, or perhaps even constellations in the sky of your world. (Whilst Aegean is a Sea on our world, I don't see the harm of re-using the name, or finding something similar.) The Astral Reavers Chapter was founded in mid M34 to combat Ork incursion into Imperial controlled space in Sector ________. I can agree with you that this is lacklustre. Greater information about the scale of the Ork threat or the importance of the sector might be worthwhile here. I would also perhaps use a phrase like 'The Chapter that would come to be known as the Astral Reavers was founded during M34...' Why does this threat warrant the creation of one the thousand Chapters of Astartes? Why couldn't existing forces - both Space Marine and mundane - contain or combat the threat? This section also seems to connect to your later combat doctrine section - so perhaps it is worth to mention, briefly, about the Chapter's continued battles against Orks and how this has come to define the Chapter's roles as wardens of the caul. In early M34, the planet Patuger was rediscovered by Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators in intrasector wild space. Having set out to find a dead world, explorators were astonished to be greeted by the Patugain Cult Mechanicus and introduced to the feudal Lords and Ladies of the Patugain Great Houses. Initial plans to bring Patuger into the Imperial fold were abruptly halted when the Patugain petition to host Sector ________'s Adeptus Astartes Chapter was accepted, and the transition was made from drafting governance to neophyte recruitment and construction of the Chapter's Fortress Monastery and system fortifications.Patuger is a tropical water world inhabited by techno-barbarians. Great Houses and the Lesser Houses sworn to them skirmish with and raid their neighbors over farmland in clearwater shallows and lagoons, dry territory islands and platforms, technological marvels colloquially called rafts, with bungalow towns built atop them, and other resources needed to sustain life. Beneath the surface, drowned hive necropoles serve as a reminder of what the world once was. The Astral Reavers recruit their hopefuls from countless young Patugain deckhands, whether abducted and press ganged, volunteers both sanguine and desperate, or adolescent nobility out to prove their right to rule, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all found worthy in the wake of war. This isn't an article about Patuger - but rather, about the Astral Reavers. Perhaps to crystallise it, start the narrative from when the Astral Reavers first came into contact with the world, and their reaction to it. You can then bring the Mechanicus, etc., along with it later, but framing it through the perspective of the Chapter allows your heavy exposition to be introduced to the reader in a manageable way. To zealots, cowards, to the practical, astute. In the face over overwhelming Ork incursion, the Astral Reavers have largely foregone standard Imperial decapitation raids in favor of a more specialized modus operandi. Self styled lords of the void, Astral Reaver combat doctrine is a refinement of boarding actions and close quarters combat found within the Codex Astartes, honed over millennia of war into an instrument of subtle slaughter.Predicated on the principle that a landlocked enemy is no enemy at all, Chapter strategy is focused instead on decimating enemy fleets. In more recent years the Astral Reavers carried over their doctrine to battle encroaching Tyranid bioships from Hive Fleet Leviathan. When the Chapter is coerced into more conventional planetside battles, Astral Reavers make no attempt to hold territory instead favoring fast attack vehicles to conduct raids and cut into the enemy to eliminate key targets before withdrawing. I don't think it benefits your article at all to describe the Reavers as cowards. I'm not quite sure how closing with enemy ships and then assaulting them before clearing them in close combat can be considered more cowardly than shooting it from a distance with macro-cannon. Perhaps here it would be worth talking about the Chapter's fleet insofar as its function delivering the Reavers to battle. Officially, the Astral Reavers Chapter divides its forces into ten companies in accordance with the Codex Astartes. On record at any given time, there exists a First Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, two Tactical Reserve Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and leadership staff. In practice, the Chapter's strength is divided into three major Battle Groups with First Company Veterans, Tenth Company Neophytes, and Reserves attached as needed to the Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies. Outside of prolonged campaigns, it is more common for these Battle Groups to again be divided into smaller task forces, varying in strength from single demi-squads to upwards of half a Battle Company.The Astral Reavers Second Battle Company is its most illustrious by far, possessing more honors and decorations than any two of its brother Battle Groups combined. Few of the Chapter's heroes have served without making their way through its ranks, although the Company's origins are less prestigious. First used as a dumping ground for malcontents and undesirables, Second Company Reavers sought to attack Ork strongholds using more traditional Imperial raiding and decapitation doctrines. They were the foolhardy and vainglorious, stubborn and perhaps most traditionally iron, those who thought the Chapter's voidborne strategy cowardly, insufficient, and unbecoming of their station. The Second spearheaded campaigns, liberated worlds conceded or thought lost, and became the Chapter's champions. I fundamentally dislike the depiction of the Second Company here. The description of it as a 'dumping ground for malcontents and undesirables' doesn't ring true, and really seems like the sort of "I'm special" fan-fiction. I don't think it really shows your Chapter off well, and your Chapter doesn't seem to be that sort of pirate any more. The Astartes are more than this. I would suggest reframing it as each of the battle groups having a strong sense of competition, driving them on to greater and greater glory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Thanks Mol, I always appreciate hearing your feedback. I think the Drowned Stars might be too on the nose. Caul is interesting. Did you intent to mean it as in netting or as in the newborn head as a play on where stars are born? The only problem I see with going that direction is that nebulae aren't bright colors in visible light, or at least I don't think they are. In 40k, the space effect that I think you're thinking of are usually associated with the Warp. As for why existing forces couldn't deal with it, I don't know. I don't know how to justify saying that 1000 space marines can turn the tides or stem the bleeding where 2 Forge Worlds worth of armies, associated Titan colleges, Legio Cybernetica robots, Skitarii legions, and Knight Houses, Imperial Navy Battlefleet ________, Imperial Guard in Sector ________ and from whatever neighboring space, Planetary Defense Forces, Ordo Xenos Inquisitors, their retinues, and Deathwatch Kill-Teams, and Ecclesiarchy zealot armies can't. Agreed on adjusting the starting point for the homeworld. I think I introduced it better this time. Agreed on scrubbing cowards and giving attention to the Chapter Fleet. And I put more thought into it, and I agree that the Second Company as it was wasn't adding very much. The only thing that makes me iffy about the competing Battle Groups idea is that I want the Chapter to have a more fluid approach to organization. There are multiple patrols, when a patrol runs into something they can't handle, other patrols answer the call to aid. It's not necessarily all one battlegroup coming together with each campaign or mission, and considering how most of the battlegroup strength is attached elements from other companies that get rotated around, I'm not sure how to make that work either. So, I've been rewriting a bit, and this is where I am now: Index Astartes Astral Reavers Astral Reavers Founding Chapter: Red Talons Founding: Eighth Founding Known Descendants: ________ Chapter Master: ________ Homeworld: Patuger Fortress-Monastery: Endiger Colors: Green Specialty: Voidborne ORIGINS WARDS Part of the Eighth Founding in mid M34, the Astral Reavers are the Wardens of ________, bound to defend Sector ________ from xenos incursion. HOMEWORLD PATUGAIN SAND & SEA Inducted back into the Imperial fold in early M34, Patuger was hand selected soon after by Chapter Master ________ to host his newfound Astral Reavers. Patuger would be his to rule, fortified as only an Astartes world can be. Its Great Houses would pledge him fealty, and he would reap its sons for brothers. A tropical, water world, Patuger’s surface is dominated by great oceans, broken only by islands and bungalow colonies built atop anchored, man made raft platforms. Patuger is inhabited by feuding techno-barbarians, lorded over by the noble families of Patugain Great Houses, with lesser Houses sworn in their service. The Astral Reavers recruit their hopefuls from amongst countless, young deckhands. Whether abducted and press ganged or volunteered in sanguinity or desperation, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all found worthy in the red wake of war. From there, the Patugain boys make a natural leap from their oceanic world into the void. COMBAT DOCTRINE VOIDBORNE Refining on Codex naval battle strategy and boarding action, Astral Reaver combat doctrine has been honed over millennia of war into an instrument of subtle slaughter. CHAPTER ORGANIZATION CODEX According to laws outlined in the Codex Astartes, the Astral Reavers Chapter divides its strength into ten Companies. On record, at any given time, there exists a Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and leadership staff. In practice, the Chapter’s strength is built around four major Battle Groups with First Company Veterans, Tenth Company Neophytes, and Reserves attached as needed to the Second, Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies. Outside of prolonged campaigns, it is more common for these Battle Groups to again divide into smaller Task Forces, varying wildly in strength from single Demi-Squads to upwards of half a Battle Company. CHAPTER CULT PRAISE THE MACHINE Torn between two masters, the Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by blood and oath, and the Deus Mechanicus by spirit and faith. Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force. GENE-SEED GORGON Endowed with the genetic legacy of the God Emperor of Mankind, the Astral Reavers are descended from Him on Earth by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. Martian records indicate that the Chapter’s Battle Brothers possess a full suite of functional implants with only superficial evidence of degradation. Further observations find the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins, marking the Chapter as ideal candidates to lead successors of their own. This version works out to about 500ish words, so halfway to bronze (whoopee). On the bright side I have a few ideas of what I want to write. I'm lost more on whether or not they're good ideas and then on how to fit them in. Origins I think I should give some attention to the Red Talons training cadre. I think I'll put more thought into developing the first Chapter Master Character. I discussed the idea before of him being more of a tactician than a rip and tear Red Talon. My question would be does this make him an outsider in his own Chapter? Does it work better if he's a younger Captain or an older one? I thought about what his title could be and thought it might be fun if he had a title as the Young Gorgon or something to that effect as a callback to Ferrus Manus. Medusa felt too obvious and had too much baggage already, so I thought a title like Stheno or Euryale, Medusa's gorgon sisters, might work better. I like Stheno better, Stheno means mighty, strong, or forceful, and Stheno is supposed to have been the most murderous of the three sisters. Euryale means far roaming and her defining trait is mourning Medusa. I still like the idea of the Chapter's heraldry being a stylized gorgon head that happens to look like a kraken. I'm probably trying too hard, outsmarting myself, and being too clever by half. Homeworld I like where I am with it now. The only things that I think that are missing are mentioning the Patugain Cult Mechanicus and the ruins of the old world beneath the ocean. I have this paragraph written up talking about the Patugain Cult Mechanicus, but I'm not sure where it fits into the existing section. It doesn't follow the first paragraph well, and the second and third paragraphs transition well, and the third paragraph ends with a good transition into the Combat Doctrine already. Patuger’s common faith is derived from the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus. Ships, weapons, tools, and even the artificial lands on which most Patugains are born, live, and die, are constructed and maintained by Patugain Tech-priests. The minutia of Patugain civilization rests on their shoulders, and their power and influence is second only to the Astral Reavers themselves. I'm also itching for any excuse to fit "drowned hive necropoles" or some variation thereof back into the section. There's probably room to fit in a paragraph about the Chapter's Fortress-Monastery. I just can't for the life of me think of what's worth saying about it. Combat Doctrine I like where I am for an establishing sentence. This would certainly play back into the first Chapter Master character and his MO for how to confront the Ork threat. There are a few factors at work in his strategy: 1. Only attack spaceships. Planetlocked and stranded enemies are not a threat. This is a concession that Ork occupied territory is lost territory. 2. Standard Imperial raiding doctrine is not effective. The casualty projections are unacceptably high for insufficient returns. There's also a possibility that making landfalls gives the Orks a common enemy and accelerates their unification, making the assassination/ priority target missions counterproductive. 3. Drop asteroids on Orks instead. It's sort of like exterminatus, but less dramatic. In the second post, I have my initial sketch for the Chapter's fleet strength at 2 Battle Barges, 7 Strike Cruisers, and 14 Rapid Strike Vessels. I'm not sure if this is too big, and at the same time I'm not sure it's big enough to address the idea of the Chapter splitting into many, many smaller patrols. Chapter Cult I am very happy with this section. I had a blurb in the last version about the Iron Fathers and my variation on Chaplains. I'm not sure if it's necessary or if I can squeeze more than a sentence or two out of the idea. Gene-Seed I'm happy with it. I won't have anything more to add to it until I come up with the name for a successor Chapter or two and judging by how terrible I am at names, that probably won't be happening. On the other hand, considering I'm dropping the Ravenwing Company, and probably the lightning bolt variant of the Heraldry, the Thunder Krakens can live on as some goofy first rough draft for a successor. General I want to add something to the Chapter about how they're fighting Tyranids in more recent years. I always found it odd that there are extremely old Chapters with defining traits built around extraordinarily recent events. The Second Founding Crimson Fists are defined by the Rynn's World battle in 998.M41. 10,000 years of history and only the last 12 years get attention. The Scythes of the Emperor are Third Founding and they're defined by the Second Tyrannic War in 992.M41, or 8 years. I don't want to destroy the Astral Reavers, but there has to be some comfortable middle ground between a devastated Chapter like the Crimson Fists or Scythes and the Ultramarines losing their First Company and developing Tyrannic War Veteran specialists and being none the worser for it. I'm really not sure how I'm going to fit the Moirae Schism story into the article either. But, I do have a pretty good idea for the final challenge short story. SHORT STORY MOIRAE SCHISM IN SECTOR ________ (M35) UNITING IMPERIAL FORCES Told from the perspective of Living Saint ________, an Ecclesiarchy loyalist and de facto leader in Sector ________. The Astral Reavers have already laid waste to at least one Shrine World with known Heretic/tek sympathies, destroying cathedrals and seizing treasures. The Frateris Templar under Saint ________ are not happy. Desires range from wanting the treasures returned to wanting the Adeptus Mechanicus to rebuild the Shrine World(s). Others want to attack the Chapter. It is initially left ambiguous and revealed that it is Saint ________'s goal to appeal to the Astral Reavers in a bid to unite the Chapter, the Ecclesiarchy and the Orthodox Adeptus Mechanicus against the Moirae Hereteks and the Ecclesiarchy Opportunist Heretics. Story climax when Saint ________ makes a grand plea to the Astral Reavers Chapter Master ________ and Captain(s) ________. An alliance is made, Saint ________ is a hero, s/he is given an Astartes honor guard. I'll develop more on this one later. I think it'll be easier and more fun to write than the literary equivalent of a newspaper cutout conspiracy string map. I also managed to jam in a cute little easter egg, although I'll be the first to admit that it's forced. Bonus points to the first person to find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar Molotov Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 This Chapter has, I think rightly, moved away somewhat from the idea of "Pirate Space Marines" - or at least having it be too on-the-nose. You don't have Marines with eye patches flying under the skull and crossbones. I think that's good, because inspirational themes shouldn't be too overbearing - despite GW's Wolfy Wolves of Wolfness. And yet it makes me think what it means to be an Astral Reaver, a Reaver in space. To Reave suggests carrying out raids, taking things by force of arms. I don't think it's necessarily the worst thing for the Astral Reavers to have some connection with the Warp. After all, they travel through the sea of stars to each campaign, and I think sailors have always had a deep connection to astronavigation - astrolabes and the like. If your sector is near a warp tear, then that could feasibly suggest why the Imperium needed a constant Astartes presence to reclaim and defend. Their position is precarious and needs securing. That potentially opens up a dichotomy - the sailor's desire for travel against the warrior's duty to guard the sector. Perhaps when the sector falls to infighting during the Schism the High Lords believe that the Sector is in danger of opening itself up to attack, and the potential loss of the Sector is not something that can be allowed. If political situation allows for the power of the Mechanicus to be curtailed, that may be no bad thing altogether. Perhaps the High Lords establish the nascent Chapter will secure the Sector as its Wardens at the successful end of its crusade - with or without the permission of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Regarding your point about the fluid structure of the Chapter, I did think back to the Iron Snakes novel by Abnett, where each campaign has squads petitioning to join the force, with the commander choosing who comes along. It's possible you have Commanders who are dominant and dynamic figures within the Chapter's hierarchy, who maintain their Company through force of will and skill at arms. Squads and units are free to move between Commanders should they wish, resulting in an ebb and flow throughout the Chapter's history as Commanders mould their forces into the weapon they wish to wield. I do like the 'Young Gorgon' too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted May 1, 2017 Author Share Posted May 1, 2017 ORIGINS WARDS Part of the Eighth Founding in mid M34, the Chapter that would come to be known as the Astral Reavers was first chartered to bolster Imperial forces in Sector ________. Beset by Ork raiders in the looming glow of Immaterial rifts, the Chapter’s first crusade into contested space stemmed the green tide. In M35, heretekal messages from the Forge World Moirae had reached Sector ________, professing the God Emperor and Machine God to be one in the same. The Forge World ________, it’s territories, and Arch-Confessor ________ were won over by the false gospel. The Astral Reavers set Sector ________ to the torch, and were named Wardens of ________. HOMEWORLD PATUGAIN SAND & SEA Inducted back into the Imperial fold in early M34, Patuger was hand selected soon after by Chapter Master ________ to host his newfound Astral Reavers. Patuger would be his to rule, fortified as only an Astartes world can be. Its Houses would pledge him fealty, and he would reap their sons for brothers. A tropical, water world, Patuger’s great oceans are broken only by sandy islands and bungalow colonies built atop anchored, mechanical platforms, overshadowing drowned hive necropoles below. Patuger is inhabited by techno-barbarians, lorded over by feuding Great Houses and their noble families with lesser Houses sworn in their service. Patugain common faith is derived from the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus, believed to have been brought to the world by Martian Explorators in the Age of Strife. Ships, weapons, tools, and the rafts on which most Patugains are born, live, and die, are constructed and maintained by Patugain Tech-priests, their clout second only to the Chapter. The Astral Reavers recruit their hopefuls from countless, young deckhands. Whether abducted and press ganged or volunteered in sanguinity or desperation, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all found worthy in the red wake of war. From their oceanic home, Patugain boys make a natural leap into the void. COMBAT DOCTRINE VOIDBORNE Refining on Codex naval battle strategy and boarding action, Astral Reaver combat doctrine has been honed over millennia of war into an instrument of subtle slaughter. Built upon the grand strategic philosophy that a planet locked enemy is not a threat, the Chapter is oriented towards aggressively controlling space. Chapter fleet deployment is optimized to seek out and intercept Ork asteroids and ships before they can make planetfall, destroying them with massive guns when they can and gutting them from the inside out when they cannot. On the rare occasions when the Chapter is coerced into planetside conflict, the Astral Reavers deploy mounted on bikes and land speeders to harass and tear into their foes. CHAPTER ORGANIZATION CODEX According to laws outlined in the Codex Astartes, the Astral Reavers Chapter officially divides its strength into ten Companies. On record, at any given time, there exists a Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and staff. In practice, the Chapter’s strength is focused around four major zonal Battle Groups with First Company Veterans, Tenth Company Neophytes, and Reserves attached to the Second, Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies. These Battle Groups again divide into smaller Task Forces, varying wildly in strength from single Demi-Squads to upwards of half a Battle Company, converging and splitting as needed. CHAPTER CULT PRAISE THE MACHINE Torn between two masters, the Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by blood and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by spirit and faith. Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan, with the guidance of their Iron Fathers. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force. GENE-SEED GORGON Endowed with the genetic legacy of the God Emperor of Mankind, the Astral Reavers are descended from Him on Earth by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. Martian records indicate that the Chapter’s Battle Brothers possess a full suite of functional implants with only superficial evidence of degradation. Further observations find the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins, marking the Chapter as ideal candidates to lead successors of their own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted May 2, 2017 Author Share Posted May 2, 2017 ORIGINS WARDENS Part of the Eighth Founding, the Chapter that would come to be known as the Astral Reavers was first chartered by the High Lords of Terra in mid M34 to bolster Imperial forces in Sector ________. Beset by Ork pirates in the looming glow of Immaterial rifts, Sector ________'s strategic value lies in its twin Forge Worlds ________ and ________. The Chapter's first campaign would be a Crusade into Sector ________ and a continued presence thereafter. In M35, heretekal messages from the Forge World Moirae had reached Sector ________, professing the God Emperor and Machine God to be one in the same. The Forge World ________, it’s territories, and Arch-Confessor ________, the local premier Ministorum representative, were won over by the false gospel. The Astral Reavers set Sector ________ to the torch, and 300 years later were named Wardens of ________. HOMEWORLD PATUGAIN SAND & SEA Inducted back into the Imperial fold following its rediscovery in early M34, Patuger was hand selected soon after by Chapter Master ________ to host his newfound Astral Reavers. Patuger would be his to rule, fortified as only an Astartes world can be. Its Houses would pledge him fealty, and he would reap their sons for brothers. An innocuous tropical, water world, Patuger’s great oceans are broken only by sandy islands and bungalow colonies built atop anchored, mechanical platforms, overshadowing ancient skeletons of drowned hive necropoles below. Patugains are techno-barbarians, lorded over by feuding Great Houses and their noble families with lesser Houses sworn in their service. Patugain common faith is derived from the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus, believed to have been brought to the world by Martian Explorators in the Age of Strife. Ships, weapons, tools, and the rafts on which most Patugains are born, live, and die, are constructed and maintained by Patugain Tech-priests, their clout second only to the Chapter. The Astral Reavers recruit their hopefuls from countless, young deckhands. Whether abducted and press ganged or volunteered in sanguinity or desperation, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all found worthy in the red wake of war. From their oceanic home, Patugain boys make a natural leap into the void. COMBAT DOCTRINE VOIDBORNE Refining on Codex naval battle strategy and boarding action, Astral Reaver combat doctrine has been honed over millennia of war into an instrument of subtle slaughter. Built upon the grand strategic philosophy that ignores planet locked enemies, the Chapter is oriented towards aggressively controlling space. Chapter fleet deployments are optimized to seek out and intercept Ork ships and asteroids, destroying them when they can and gutting them from the inside out when they cannot. On the rare occasions when the Chapter is coerced into planetside conflict, the Astral Reavers deploy mounted on bikes and land speeders to harass and tear into their foes. CHAPTER ORGANIZATION CODEX According to laws outlined in the Codex Astartes, the Astral Reavers Chapter officially divides its strength into ten Companies. On record, at any given time, there exists a Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and assigned leadership and specialist staff. In practice, the Chapter’s strength is marshaled around four major zonal Battle Groups with First Company Veterans, Tenth Company Neophytes, and Reserves attached to the Second, Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies. These Battle Groups again divide into smaller Task Forces, varying wildly in strength from single Demi-Squads to upwards of half a Battle Company, converging and splitting as circumstances demand, oftentimes across Company and Battle Group lines. CHAPTER CULT PRAISE THE MACHINE Torn between two masters, the Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by blood and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by spirit and faith. Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan, under the guidance of their Iron Fathers. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force. GENE-SEED GORGON Evoking His Angels, the Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. Martian records indicate that the Chapter’s Battle Brothers possess a full suite of functional implants with only superficial evidence of genetic degradation. Further observations find the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins. I ran another edit, 752 words, about 5 more paragraphs off of bronze. I still have the idea for the First Chapter Master/Young Gorgon character, but there's very little to him right now besides he's a tactician and a strategist. I'm not sure how to expand on that from his history into the Red Talons and his influences on the Astral Reavers beyond their combat doctrine. I would like to fit a paragraph into the origins covering the Astral Reavers conflict with Hive Fleet Leviathan in M41. I don't want the Astral Reavers to be destroyed or on their last legs like the Crimson Fists or Scythes of the Emperor, but I'm not sure how to write about the Tyranids as a primary threat at the turn of the millennium, especially when so much of the Chapter's history is tied to fighting Orks and then a Heresy thing and then more Orks. I think it might be interesting if the Astral Reavers have a bit of a hoarding problem. The Chapter hordes tech and keeps them in their vaults and maybe they share it with the Patugain Tech-priests or something. I thought it would be funny if the Chapter that doesn't care much for bringing tanks into battle is theoretically sitting on a more than modest stockpile of armored vehicles. I'd like to jam quotes in under each of the section headings, but I'm not what I want to write. The Easter Egg is still there and any input on what's lacking is more than welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 ORIGINS WARDENS Part of the Eighth Founding, the Chapter that would come to be known as the Astral Reavers was first chartered by the High Lords of Terra in mid M34 to bolster Imperial forces in Sector ________; beset by Ork pirates and the omnipresent threat of Waaagh in the looming glow of Immaterial rifts. Sector ________'s strategic value lies in its twin Forge Worlds (1)________ and (2)________, arming the Imperial bulwark against xenos encroachment. The Chapter's first campaign was a Crusade into Sector ________, and the Astral Reavers would serve in a continued presence thereafter. The Chapter's first Master was the Red Talon Euryal. Famed for his tactical prowess, Euryal is credited with devising many of the Chapter's deployment and battle strategies that have only been refined upon since. Under his leadership, his Astral Reavers set out to seize back the stars. In 012.M35, heretekal messages from the Forge World Moirae had reached Sector ________, professing the God Emperor of Mankind and Machine God to be one in the same. The Forge World (2)________, it’s territories, and Arch-Confessor ________, the local premier Ministorum representative, were won over by the false gospel. The Astral Reavers set Sector ________ to the torch in alliance with the Forge World (1)________, Imperial Navy Battlefleet ________, Imperial Guard, and Saint ________. In ___.M36 the Astral Reavers were named Wardens of ________ by the High Lords of Terra. In more recent years, the Astral Reavers have encountered scouting bioships from the Tyranid Hive Fleet Leviathan. HOMEWORLD PATUGAIN SAND & SEA Inducted back into the Imperial fold following its rediscovery in early M34, Patuger was hand selected soon after by Chapter Master Euryal to host his newfound Astral Reavers. Patuger would be his to rule, fortified as only an Astartes world can be. Artificial islands would be raised from the sea for the foundation of his Fortress-Monastery Endiger. The Astral Reavers's fleet would dock in orbital shipyards. Its Houses would pledge him fealty, and he would reap their sons for brothers. An innocuous tropical, water world, Patuger’s great oceans are broken only by sandy islands and bungalow colonies built atop anchored, mechanical platforms, overshadowing the ancient skeletons of drowned hive necropoles below. Patugains are techno-barbarians, culturally stunted and stagnated by their environment, lorded over by feuding Great Houses and their noble families with lesser Houses sworn in their service. The oldest families claim descent from nobility in a time before the flood, nursing grudges and honoring alliances just as old. Patugain common faith is derived from the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus, believed to have been brought to the world by Martian Explorators braving ferocious warp storms in the Age of Strife. Maritime ships, weapons, tools, and the rafts on which most Patugains are born, live, and die, are constructed and maintained by Patugain Tech-priests, their clout second only to the Chapter itself. The Astral Reavers recruit most of their hopefuls from countless, young deckhands. Whether abducted and press ganged or volunteered in sanguinity or desperation, aboard House fleets or rogue vessels, the Chapter takes all found worthy in the red wake of war. From their oceanic home, those Patugain boys make the natural leap into the cold, darkness of the void. COMBAT DOCTRINE VOIDBORNE Refining on Codex naval battle strategy and boarding action, Astral Reaver combat doctrine has been honed over millennia of war into an instrument of subtle slaughter. Built upon the grand strategic philosophy that ignores planet locked enemies, the Chapter is oriented towards aggressively controlling space. Chapter fleet deployments are optimized to seek out and intercept Ork ships and asteroids, destroying them when they can and gutting them from the inside out when they cannot. On the rare occasions when the Chapter is coerced into planetside conflict, the Astral Reavers deploy mounted on bikes and land speeders under the cover of air superiority, taking advantage of their mobility to harass and tear into their foes. More similar to their naval strategy than their stubborn resolve in the confines of spaceships, Astral Reavers are notoriously adverse to defensive actions and holding ground. CHAPTER ORGANIZATION CODEX According to laws outlined in the Codex Astartes, the Astral Reavers Chapter officially divides its strength into ten Companies. On record, at any given time, there exists a Veteran Company, four Battle Companies, an Assault Reserve Company, a Devastator Reserve Company, and a Neophyte Company, each with colors, honors, and assigned leadership and specialist staff. In practice, the Chapter’s strength is marshaled around four major zonal Battle Groups with First Company Veterans, Tenth Company Neophytes, and Reserves attached to the Second, Third, Fourth, and Fifth Battle Companies. These Battle Groups again divide into smaller Task Forces, varying wildly in strength from single Demi-Squads to upwards of half a Battle Company, converging and splitting as circumstances demand, oftentimes across Company and Battle Group lines. CHAPTER CULT PRAISE THE MACHINE Torn between two masters, the Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by blood and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by spirit and faith. Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan, under the guidance of their Iron Fathers. The Astral Reavers venerate the God Emperor as Omnissiah in trinity alongside Machine God and Motive Force. The Astral Reavers maintain a strained but respectful relationship with the Ecclesiarchy, fostered by memories of the Chapter's historic alliance with Saint ________, Patron Saint of Sector ________, in the Moirae Schism. GENE-SEED GORGON Evoking His Angels, the Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. Martian records indicate that the Chapter’s Battle Brothers possess a full suite of functional implants with only superficial evidence of genetic degradation. Further observations find the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy that all too often plagues their cousins. Okay, I am at 1000 words, counting titles. I added in a paragraph about Euyal, the first Chapter Master. I decided to go off Euyale instead of Stheno for the name because I think it sounds slightly more Arabic to me. At least, I think the Red Talons are supposed to be Arabic. The only Red Talon names I can find are Autek Mor, Skara Brae, and Bassen Terak and of those only Bassen is far enough post Heresy for me to comfortably assume that he's Raikan. I threw in a sentence about Hive Fleet Leviathan. I'll probably start playing with the formatting, it's been a while since I've done headings and dropcaps. I'm still open to suggestions for names. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I will post my thoughts as they come, so yeah, a mess is inboud. To be honest, I don't like Euryal, it's too much into face, especially given the Medusa/Gorgon connection. Perhaps, some character from Odyssey or Sinbad the Sailor? How are the Orks and warp rift connected? Or rather there is no connection between the warp rift and Orks - In theory, you could say the warp rift spews Ork Waaaghs, but that's kinda far-fetched. In the current version, the Moraie schism arc is for all intents and purposes white-washed into nothingness. - Considering its pivotal role in the previous drafts, this turn of events is amusing. Why Astral Reaver? The Chapter was created to guard and defend, something very opposite to reaving and raiding. - It would make more sence for them to become wardens by accident rather than design. Also, Patuger. To me, it looks like it is missing the soul. You don't say anything about the culture of the world, which, to me anyway, does not justify the mention of homeworld in the narrative. *Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan* - Do you have a idea what these are? Because I don't, so this proclamation is kinda lost on me. Almost all Chapters have strained relationship with Ecclesiarchy due to their differences in doctrine and dogma. No need to mention it. ~ NightrawenII Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 To be honest, I don't like Euryal, it's too much into face, especially given the Medusa/Gorgon connection. Perhaps, some character from Odyssey or Sinbad the Sailor? It is rather on the nose, isn't it. I'll figure something out, as is if the worst thing about him is his name, I'm feeling comfortable. How are the Orks and warp rift connected? Or rather there is no connection between the warp rift and Orks - In theory, you could say the warp rift spews Ork Waaaghs, but that's kinda far-fetched. Vaguely. I was tentatively thinking about something like the Ork pirates being so reckless in their travel that the tears are semi-permanent. It also sort of made sense for them to be there to explain why Patuger had gone unrediscovered for so long and why the Sector was so difficult to control in general. I also liked the mental image Mol gave me of really colorful space and in 40k that's usually tied to the warp. In the current version, the Moraie schism arc is for all intents and purposes white-washed into nothingness. - Considering its pivotal role in the previous drafts, this turn of events is amusing. It's still supposed to be integral. All of history gets less and less influential the further away this goes and this is supposed to be an updated overview document from 5000 years after the fact. This is the event that earns the Chapter their wardenship. They still get their cool toys from the Forge World's vaults. I'm playing with the idea of the Patugain Tech-priests taking their pound of flesh and establishing their own foothold on the world, although I don't know whether or not Nouveau Patuforg makes sense. It's also supposed to tie into the later line about the Chapter's relationship with the Ecclesiarchy through the Saint character. Why Astral Reaver? The Chapter was created to guard and defend, something very opposite to reaving and raiding. - It would make more sence for them to become wardens by accident rather than design. They're a very aggressive defensive army. The Chapter's name is more intertia than anything else, but I know what you mean. In far earlier drafts when they were focused on fighting Chaos and seizing traitor ships, it made more sense. Maybe I should change the combat doctrine so that they do also carry out the Ork decapitation raids? The idea was that they become wardens largely by accident, did that not come across? Also, Patuger. To me, it looks like it is missing the soul. You don't say anything about the culture of the world, which, to me anyway, does not justify the mention of homeworld in the narrative. I thought I hit all the pivotal points. They're feudal techno-barbarians on a water planet who worship machines and periodically fight with one another in the names of royal families. I've got a lot of miscellaneous junk from the first post, but I'm not sure if that adds character or just clutter. Is there anything in particular that you can point out as lacking from the culture? Patugain Techno-barbarians: Great House Lords and Ladies have Hunting Rigs. Laser weapons are commonplace. Patugains wear sophisticated swimsuits that enhance the wearer's form and speed. AUTHOR'S NOTE LZR Racer Speedo worn in the 2008 Beijing Olympics and subsequently banned. Patugain Physiology: Patugains are tall (6-7ft/180-210cm), broad shouldered, wingspan > height, longer torso, shorter legs, big feet, flexible and wiry. Patugain Astartes are taller (nearer 8ft/240cm) than average (7ft6in/228cm). Patugain Given Names: Alphonse, Basile, Bastien, Blaise, Camus, Cedric, Constantin, Didier, Dimitri, Felix, Gauthier, Ghislaine, Guillaume, Hector, Henri, Ignace, Jean, Jeremie, Killian, Laurent, Leigh, Lucas, Mathias, Olivier, Pascal, Patrice, Quentin, Remi, Riviere, Sebastien, Yannick, ________. Patugain Surnames: Berger, Bergeron, Blanc, Bonheur, Bonhomme, Borde, Carre, Cavey, Chabot, Clavell, Cloud, Dameron, Danser, Dudigue, Duile, Dumas, Dupont, Durand, Fafard, Farand, Filoux, Fortescue, Foy, Freer, Gagnon, Gaines, Gange, Gillette, Groulx, Hazard, Hughes, Jund, Lamont, Odige, Mercer, Proulx, Proux, Pulver, Reiss, Roche, Rocher, Rousseau, Roux, Sabat, Sauvage, Thussaud, Tussaud, Vasseur, ________. Most patugains live in bungalows built atop Rafts, ancient stabilizing platforms built to withstand millennia of ocean wear with minimal maintenance, anchored in semi/circular colonies around islands or atolls with clear water lagoons. Plants: Algae, Palm Trees, Seaweed, ________. Lagoon floors of rich, white sand used for aquafarming (algaeculture, seaweed, ________). Animals: Manatees, Penguins, Sea Lions, Seals ________. Sea Lions/Seals are domesticated for guarding, hunting, shepherding, etc. Manatees and Penguins are farmed. Patugain History: Dark Age of Technology Patuger is first colonized by humans. Age of Strife Martian Explorators reach Sector ________. Patuger experiences an apocalyptic flood event. Age of the Imperium, the Forging M34 Patuger is rediscovered by Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators. Patuger is chosen to host the Astral Reavers Chapter Adeptus Astartes. Patuger System: Moon Defense Base & Shipyard *Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan* - Do you have a idea what these are? Because I don't, so this proclamation is kinda lost on me. To my knowledge, the Holy Trinity is the Machine God, Omnissiah, and Motive Force, and that there is an ongoing Quest for Knowledge. From the Horus Heresy series, I think either Mechanicum or Prospero Burns I'm not sure, I recall that Mars was fixated on hoarding technology and data without deciphering it, so we can extrapolate that the Quest has a very physical component. The Chapter's schtick in the Moirae Schism event hinges on the Chapter instigating a civil war over blasphemy. It made sense to me that they'd be strictly Orthodox. Thanks Nightrawn, I appreciate the criticism as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NovemberIX Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 Okay, I am at 1000 words, counting titles. I added in a paragraph about Euyal, the first Chapter Master. I decided to go off Euyale instead of Stheno for the name because I think it sounds slightly more Arabic to me. At least, I think the Red Talons are supposed to be Arabic. The only Red Talon names I can find are Autek Mor, Skara Brae, and Bassen Terak and of those only Bassen is far enough post Heresy for me to comfortably assume that he's Raikan. I threw in a sentence about Hive Fleet Leviathan. I'll probably start playing with the formatting, it's been a while since I've done headings and dropcaps. I'm still open to suggestions for names. None of those names are Arabic or Arabic based, the closest would actually be Terak as a distortion of Tariq. You could use Arab names sailing history if that's the theme you want to go from. Stuff like Majid, Sulaiman, Qasim, Fadlan, Rehan or Jubayr could be paired with names like Hauqal or Beruni, and if you want to continue the theme, al-Mahiri or al-Moqaddasi. (as an example, a name like Majid Ibn Hauqal al-Mahiri would basically mean, Majid, songof Hauqal of Mahiri (which could be a clan, family, or location) Because that could become a handful, you can shorten it to Majid Hauqal or Majid Mahiri. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Also, Patuger. To me, it looks like it is missing the soul. You don't say anything about the culture of the world, which, to me anyway, does not justify the mention of homeworld in the narrative. I thought I hit all the pivotal points. They're feudal techno-barbarians on a water planet who worship machines and periodically fight with one another in the names of royal families. I've got a lot of miscellaneous junk from the first post, but I'm not sure if that adds character or just clutter. Is there anything in particular that you can point out as lacking from the culture? Patugain Techno-barbarians: Great House Lords and Ladies have Hunting Rigs. Laser weapons are commonplace. Patugains wear sophisticated swimsuits that enhance the wearer's form and speed. AUTHOR'S NOTE LZR Racer Speedo worn in the 2008 Beijing Olympics and subsequently banned. Patugain Physiology: Patugains are tall (6-7ft/180-210cm), broad shouldered, wingspan > height, longer torso, shorter legs, big feet, flexible and wiry. Patugain Astartes are taller (nearer 8ft/240cm) than average (7ft6in/228cm). Patugain Given Names: Alphonse, Basile, Bastien, Blaise, Camus, Cedric, Constantin, Didier, Dimitri, Felix, Gauthier, Ghislaine, Guillaume, Hector, Henri, Ignace, Jean, Jeremie, Killian, Laurent, Leigh, Lucas, Mathias, Olivier, Pascal, Patrice, Quentin, Remi, Riviere, Sebastien, Yannick, ________. Patugain Surnames: Berger, Bergeron, Blanc, Bonheur, Bonhomme, Borde, Carre, Cavey, Chabot, Clavell, Cloud, Dameron, Danser, Dudigue, Duile, Dumas, Dupont, Durand, Fafard, Farand, Filoux, Fortescue, Foy, Freer, Gagnon, Gaines, Gange, Gillette, Groulx, Hazard, Hughes, Jund, Lamont, Odige, Mercer, Proulx, Proux, Pulver, Reiss, Roche, Rocher, Rousseau, Roux, Sabat, Sauvage, Thussaud, Tussaud, Vasseur, ________. Most patugains live in bungalows built atop Rafts, ancient stabilizing platforms built to withstand millennia of ocean wear with minimal maintenance, anchored in semi/circular colonies around islands or atolls with clear water lagoons. Plants: Algae, Palm Trees, Seaweed, ________. Lagoon floors of rich, white sand used for aquafarming (algaeculture, seaweed, ________). Animals: Manatees, Penguins, Sea Lions, Seals ________. Sea Lions/Seals are domesticated for guarding, hunting, shepherding, etc. Manatees and Penguins are farmed. Patugain History: Dark Age of Technology Patuger is first colonized by humans. Age of Strife Martian Explorators reach Sector ________. Patuger experiences an apocalyptic flood event. Age of the Imperium, the Forging M34 Patuger is rediscovered by Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators. Patuger is chosen to host the Astral Reavers Chapter Adeptus Astartes. Patuger System: Moon Defense Base & Shipyard Neither of this can be called 'culture'... All of these are outward signs, what I'm missing are the inner dynamics. ~ NightrawenII Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commissar Molotov Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Be cautious of the endless iterations between posts - after my last comment you posted two drafts, one after the other, which makes it particularly difficult to see what you've changed. It results in a lot of scrolling up and down trying to make sense of things, but this isn't the most user-friendly for those trying to devote time to help you. I think you need to invest some effort into naming things. Just getting something in place to make the whole thing more cohesive. I do also think you have a tendency towards writing in a grand way that obscures details the reader needs. As a suggestion (please feel free to take it as you wish:) Part of the Eighth Founding of the Legionnes Astartes, the Chapter that would come to be known as the Astral Reavers was charged by the High Lords of Terra with restoring the XXXXXX Sector to Imperial control. The Sector's inestimable value to the Imperium stemmed largely from its twin Forge-worlds, AAAAA and BBBBB, mighty bastions of the Adeptus Mechanicus that churned out materiel endlessly to support the Imperial war effort across the Segmentum Pacificus(?). And yet, its position was a precarious one; the sector was positioned near to several Ork enclaves and unstable warp rifts that provided the Arch-Enemy with a means to strike at the heart of the XXXXXX worlds. This situation was further worsened when the Sector, which had always been dominated by the Adeptus Mechanicus, received garbled and prophetic transmissions from the Forgeworld of Moirae, proclaiming the rule of Mars as corrupt and advocating the fusion of the Mechanicus and the Ecclesiarchy. As the sector was torn apart by those who furiously adhered to this new doctrine and those who dismissed it as abject heresy, the twin worlds of AAAAA and BBBBB began to deploy their forces against one another. Without adequate forces to defend the far-flung worlds of XXXXXX, the sector was vulnerable to the rampages of Ork Warlords and insidious heretics, seeking to capitalise on the Imperial disarray. For the Astartes assigned to bring the sector to heel and preserve its contributions to the Imperium, the course was clear. Their Commander, Euryal, a warrior hailing from the Red Talons, had been chosen due to the Chapter's close ties with the Orthodox Martian Mechanicus and his prodigious skill at... Within (5? 10?) years, the sector had been put to the sword, the nascent Chapter having devised the YYYYYYY strategies that would come to define it for millennia to come; ________________________, Having fought alongside the Martian loyalists of AAAAA, the massed ranks of the Astra Militarum and the Imperial Navy and the faithful of the XXXXXian Ecclesiarchy, the Astral Reavers had established themselves as the undisputed Wardens of XXXXXX. Euryal directed his warriors to find a suitable which would sustain the Chapter for the millennia of war to come. When it comes to the Homeworld, I think you need to take the reader on a journey somewhat. Describing the world as it is (a water-covered world, etc.) before making it clear that it was once a hive/forgeworld that flooded due to some terrible disaster. You could then talk about the various clans, etc, and emphasise their techno-barbarian heritage, their royal families, etc., before talking about their relationship with the Chapter. Combat Doctrine affords you the opportunity to talk about the Chapter's aggressive way of waging war, particularly the concept of the "attacking defence", seeking out the enemy and destroying them. I think there could be symbolism there, the idea that nothing truly is still on the ocean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Thanks Mol. Yeah, that was a mistake. I was more focused on meeting the Gauntlet word count. My idea timeline wise was that the Astral Reavers had deployed into the Sector in mid M34 to fight Orks. Euryal's Territoriality doctrine is oriented to maintaining space superiority to control the Sector. By the time the Moirae Schism starts in M35, the Astral Reavers have been around for several centuries. The Schism kicks off when the Astral Reavers hear the blasphemy and attack one of the Forge World's territories. The Sector's in Tempestus, so the Chapter's primary enemies are Orks and later Tyranids. I liked the idea of Warp Storms to make the region more dangerous to navigate. I could also push it closer towards the galactic border? Does it make sense for the Schism to only last a decade? I was going to drag it out for a few centuries. The Moirae Schism as a whole I think goes on for all of M35 along with the Nova Terra Interregnum. I'll take the grandiosity into account and write from a more grounded perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 ORIGINS Astral Reavers Chapter is founded in the Eighth Founding, mid M34, to defeat Orks in Sector ________. Astral Reavers Chapter Training Cadre is recruited from the Red Talons Chapter. Their first Chapter Master is the Red Talon Captain Uryal, master tactician. Sector ________, Segmentum Tempestus is a Sector at the edge of the Galaxy, far from the Astronomicon’s light. Navigation is difficult. Territory is contested by Orks. Sector ________’s strategic value lies in its two Forge Worlds (1)________ and (2)________, supplying arms and munitions. Moirae Schism in M35, heretekal messages from the Forge World Moirae reach Sector ________. The Astral Reavers attack blasphemers, instigating a civil war. Moirae Hereteks Forge World (2), Arch-Confessor ________ and his Frateris Templar, and Freebooter Mercenaries vs Astral Reavers, Orthodox Mechanicus Forge World (1), Imperial Guard & Navy, Saint ________ and his Frateris Templar. Moirae Aftermath M36 The Astral Reavers are named Wardens by the High Lords of Terra. Arch-Confessor ________ is posthumously excommunicated. Saint ________ is named the Patron Saint of Sector ________. Hive Fleet Leviathan. P HOMEWORLD Patuger is rediscovered by Adeptus Mechanicus Explorators in Sector ________ in early M34. Patuger is a tropical water world. Patuger used to be a Hive World until a cataclysmic flood event. Patugains are believed to be descended from upperhive survivors, themselves descended from Dark Age of Technology colonists. Patugains are feudal techno-barbarians. Patugain Great Houses lord over Lesser Houses. Houses skirmish and raid for territory and resources, dry land, platforms, and fertile farming lagoons or shallows. The Astral Reavers recruit from ship crews following battles. Patugain common faith is the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus believed to have been brought to the world by Martian Explorators in the Age of Strife. Patugain Tech-priests hold great authority and clout. Patuger is hypothesized to be a lost sister Forge World. Fortress Monastery Endiger is an artificial island mountain. I COMBAT DOCTRINE VOIDBORNE Chapter Master Uryal’s Grand Strategy, aggressively secure space, ignore planetlocked enemies. Territoriality Fleet pattern. Ship battle strategy and Boarding actions/ Counterboarding. Voidborne Weapons & Wargear: Flamers, Lascutters, Meltas, Shotguns. Boarding Shields, Breaching Charges, Melta Bombs, Void Hardened Armor. When the Astral Reavers are coerced into planetary conflict, they use Fast Attack tactics: Bikes, Landspeeders, Aircraft. R CHAPTER ORGANIZATION CODEX Codex I Veteran, II/III/IV/V Battle, VI/VII/VIII/IX Reserve, X Neophyte Companies. Chapter is deployed widely across the Sector as the Chapter’s fleet allows. 2 Battle Barges, 7 Strike Cruisers, 14 Rapid Strike Vessels. A CHAPTER CULT PRAISE THE MACHINE Astral Reavers strictly follow the Cult Mechanicus, Martian Orthodox. Astral Reavers have Iron Fathers instead of Chaplains. Loadout: Power Axe and Rasarius. Astral Reavers have a surprisingly amicable relationship with the Ecclesiarchy. Torn between two masters, the Astral Reavers are servants of the God Emperor and His Imperium by blood and honor, and the Deus Mechanicus by spirit and faith. Battle Brothers strictly adhere to the tenets of the Martian Orthodox Cult Mechanicus in the ancient traditions of their ancestors, both Patugain and Raikan, under the guidance of their Iron Fathers, venerating the God Emperor of Mankind as Omnissiah in trinity alongside the Machine God and Motive Force.Despite their disposition, the Astral Reavers maintain a surprisingly amicable, relationship with the Ecclesiarchy, fostered by a mutual respect for the historic alliance between the Chapter and Saint ________, Patron Saint of Sector ________, in the Moirae Schism. Local Cardinals and High Confessors customarily bestow the Chapter’s Iron Fathers with Rosarii in affirmation of their history and as fealty to their Wardens. GENE-SEED GORGON Iron Hands Gene-Seed through the Red Talons Chapter. Fully functional. Astral Reavers do not ritually mutilate themselves. Astral Reavers are candidates for successors. Future paragraph about Astral Reavers Successor Chapter(s). E The Astral Reavers are descended from the God Emperor of Mankind by His blessed son, the Primarch Ferrus Manus, and his Iron Tenth, the Iron Hands Legio Astartes, through the venerable Red Talons Chapter. Martian records indicate that the Chapter’s Battle Brothers each possess a full suite of functional implants with only superficial evidence of genetic degradation. Further observations find the Astral Reavers free of the misanthropy and self loathing that all too often plagues their cousins. Their purity in body and purpose makes the Astral Reavers ideal candidates to found successors of their own. It's not quite a draft, but I'm working backwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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