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Another Alternate Heresy (with no fallen Primarchs)


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#1
The_son_of_Dorn

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Contents/Overview.

 

Hello and Welcome. I have always been hooked by 30k and have always wanted to portray my own version of the Heresy. Too me the Primarchs have always been the linch pin's of the 30k Universe and the thought of half of them turning in some way or form to the Dark god's annoys me. When the warp is capable of elevating any individual into daemonic greatness a Primarch (although a good asset to have by any means!) is not necessarily required. This allows me to explore other possibilities. 

 

However, due to the sheer scale of fluff and only being half way through the Novels I have designed my own instances to try and cover fluff gap's wherever possible.  

 

General idea

 

Malcador Seek's the Emperors Throne. In my version of this Universe Malcador is actually a blood descendant of the Emperor. Using his trusted position, Malcador is able to spread corruption and subterfuge via the use of the Warrior Lodges. Also as Master of Assassins he His influence is also wide spread and far reaching. Playing of The Primarchs character weaknesses and by promoting discord Malcador uses the Influence of the chaos gods to his own ends but with a hidden agenda. Upon the Death of the Emperor he also hopes to sacrifice the Blood children of the Emperor. Hoping to usurp his power and lay claim to his very Soul leaving him free to carve his legacy across the stars as he sees fit. 

 

 

 

Terra- High Council Chamber – Meeting of the XVIII

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

============================================Update post==================================

 

Spoiler

 

Update

Spoiler

Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 02 April 2017 - 08:44 PM.

  • Midgard and Carrack like this

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#2
The_son_of_Dorn

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!


Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 11 October 2016 - 08:48 PM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#3
The_son_of_Dorn

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!


Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 11 October 2016 - 08:48 PM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#4
The_son_of_Dorn

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Feedback WELCOME! 


My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#5
MikhalLeNoir

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I like what i read, but for proper feedback I need more^^
But you forgot the Gwalchavad and the XIth^^.
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The Wardens of Light were like golden blades, cutting down their enemies scarring the darkness.

gallery_92945_11930_15891.jpeggallery_78117_10471_62812.pnggallery_92945_11930_12458.png

#6
calgar101

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Enjoyed the read and quite a cool idea that would be good to see expanded. You just need to improve grammar/ spelling but on the whole good job.
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#7
The_son_of_Dorn

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Next update Sunday (Continuing on from the present meeting) I also apologize for my grammar and such, I do find reading and spelling very difficult. These are just rough draft's but they will be tidied up.

 

Thank you though. And don't be scared to be brutal. Makes me up mah game :^)


My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#8
The_son_of_Dorn

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Update. (under update section) I have written a lot more I just need to alter it slightly.

 

Hope you enjoy 

 

Kind regards, 

 

TSOD

 

BTW if an admin could please change the title of this post to "yet" another alternate Heresy that would be great. Typo. 


My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#9
paulJam

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You can change the title yerself. Look for full editor option which includes title textbox.

Ps. While im here. Feedback on fanfic is often sparse. Doesnt mean it's not read though. Keep at it, the more there is the easier it is (imo) to relate to your concepts.

Pps im curious as to what kind of madman would goad the emp plus primarchs plus unified imperial forces into battle.

Edited by paulJam, 16 October 2016 - 09:01 PM.

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#10
The_son_of_Dorn

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much obliged.


My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#11
Carrack

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I like what you have written. I would suggest that when you add to the story, just make a new post in your thread. This makes it easier for the reader to pick up where he left off without having to scroll down through a wall of text looking for the update break. That being said, it might be better if you sunk your hook in a little deeper in the first chapter / post. There is a lot of potential in this, but you are starting it out with what amounts to an argument at a dinner party. I'm guessing you wanted to quickly establish many of the main characters, but a little action, like maybe a single account of an incident that the primarchs are gathering to discuss, might be a better way to start. Your first post is going to be what people read and decide if they are going to follow along with your story, so don't worry so much about getting the characters established, there will be plenty of time to develop them later. These are just my suggestions, and I'm no expert writer by any means. In any event I like what I've read and am looking forward for the next one.
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#12
MikhalLeNoir

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Another way to add something in the first post is by adding spoiler tsgs for every update you made.

Part 1
Spoiler



So u can add the story in every new post and habe it in the first post as well. So new people cam read all mew stuff from the start withput bothering with our comments while those who like to see how the story evolves thx to our comments have the post structure.
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The Wardens of Light were like golden blades, cutting down their enemies scarring the darkness.

gallery_92945_11930_15891.jpeggallery_78117_10471_62812.pnggallery_92945_11930_12458.png

#13
The_son_of_Dorn

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Heya guy's 

 

Thanks for the feedback. i will attempt to structure this a bit better and will take on board what has been said. This first entry scene/scenario is very very long for the purposes of setting the scene and making one thing very clear. All Primarchs are alive and loyal but there is indeed tension between brothers. The end of this first section will be rather dramatic but saying that I really don't wanna say anymore as I don't want to reveal the surprise. All I can say is the meeting will not end peacefully but it will not be the primarchs fighting between themselves that cause it. Each chapter will be drip fed a section to tease and prompt other scenarios. (Some of which I am still working on) 

 

I have edited and made the relevant changes to the first post. 

 

Thank you all smile.png


Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 17 October 2016 - 07:45 AM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#14
bluntblade

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Another good thing to do is to use your first post as a contents

Mortal scrivener for the Brotherhood of the Lost project:
gallery_92945_11930_15891.jpeg

Tales of the Brotherhood


#15
The_son_of_Dorn

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Heya guy's. 

 

Been a tad inactive due to starting a new job. Updates this week. Edited the contents slightly to give an idea of what I am aiming to achieve. 

 

Thank you all for the input and feedback. 


My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#16
The_son_of_Dorn

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Moved to spoiler 3


Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 14 December 2016 - 09:55 PM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#17
The_son_of_Dorn

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3

Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 06 December 2016 - 10:05 PM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#18
The_son_of_Dorn

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2

Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 06 December 2016 - 10:05 PM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#19
The_son_of_Dorn

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1

Edited by The_son_of_Dorn, 06 December 2016 - 10:05 PM.

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#20
The_son_of_Dorn

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Criticism welcome

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#21
The_son_of_Dorn

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Help

My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#22
ShasVa

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Thus far I like what I'm reading. That all 18 of them unite as one force would be a terrifying event to behold! Keep going, brother! :D



#23
The_son_of_Dorn

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-small update-

The grand hall was ablaze. Smoke and ash rose up to meet the Primarchs as they made their way from the chamber. One by one they could pass, the hole rendered by Pertuabo’s Warhammer allowing enough room for 4 men to pass, or one Primarch a time. Pertuabo defended the breach he had made in his brothers design but there was no twisted pride in his actions. With his primary goal completed he focused on his next task. The Lion and Ferrus were still engaged in their quarrel against the assassins. The Iron lord was eager to move towards his brothers, but 4 times he had defended his position against various assassin attacks seeking to seal his efforts shut. Ionised adamantium had collided with the assassins. Blood, bone, flesh all rendered to a formless paste.  A Warning light flashed up on pertuabos internal visor. His back pack had borne damage, as had one of his greaves, “—armour integrity, 22% reduction—“ For a moment the Olympian was bemused, no attacker had come close to inflicting such damage, least of all on the armoured colossus that had left a ring of death around his chosen position.  Less than a calculated nanosecond later he had formulated the truth and grunted “Vinidicae…..”

 

Mortarion watched his brother, 3 more bolts and sparks pierced the dim light of the chamber. They had followed the first two with deadly precision. In a bounding leap the Death Lord has vaulted two callidus assassins who had made their way towards him. Deaths shadow cascaded over them momentarily in the red gloom.  Turning on their heels the assassins turned ready to persue their quarry yet they found their way blocked by Alpharius, blades clashed and yet more blood was spilled, yet the attackers were losing momentum. Less than a third of the assassin’s first wave remained yet still they came. Mortarion had collided into Pertuabo, Knocking him clear of the Vindicares deadly accuracy.   Seeing his chance the Khan made his move, Russ close behind. Exiting into the hall from the chamber was like stepping into hell. Fallen sons from all the legions lay strewn upon the ground, flesh and ceramite had melded together yet there was no time to for sorrow to take hold. The wolf lord and the white rider’s eyes had already made out the feint movements of the snipers who held them in their sights.

The vindicares eyes widened, the iris in his pupil has dilated, adrenaline hammering hard into his body. Amidst the heat and smoke his gear had compensated, allowing his to witness the initial detonations that tore the legionaries apart. With grim precision he had followed his orders down to the letter. –Burn the great hall, ensure none survive, none are to live-“His rifle, armed with the highest quality armour penetrating rounds loaded with molecular acid had made easy work of the astartees who had survived. The demo packs that had taken the lives of so many, a red hue glowed from his barrel, he had scored a hit against his target, as had a fellow vindicare, the three that followed had missed their mark, The vindicare felt deeply troubled, one round should have been enough to kill its prey, yet two had failed and the enemy now knew of their existence. Attempting to track the two primarchs who had made their way from the breach was near impossible, their speed and agility made tracking a nightmare; any other target would have been met with an unbreakable confidence in the assassins training. Any living form was a target that could be removed, no enemy was beyond the reach of the vindicare, yet it appeared it could be outrun, One by sniper vitals went quiet, it had been an extremely unorthodox approach yet one they had been forced to adhere to. Today the assassins were forced to act as a squad. Monitoring each other’s positions and firing lines they were the Elite of all murders, 24 of the best, lined up to ensure no escape was viable. The glow of his rifle dimming the Snipers attention turned to his monitor, 24 had become 23, 23 had become 22, 2 0……19…….18 one by one shots fired and missed their marks, the elite were being picked off by superior predators. The marksman could not predict his targets’ movements, the enemies form and abilities eluding his senses that had been honed to a razor sharp edge. The environment was extreme, yet the subterfuge had been rigged in the marksman’s favour. Even so, to perform against enemies of this calibre was something else.  Upon the initial assault by the assassin clades, ionised powder had been released into the room. Coating their targets, it should have been able to allow for signature tracing even in such extreme temperatures. The Primarchs should have been identifiable…….”should have been” Muttered the Vindicare. The Numbers had dropped lower. 11,10….9.  The crackles of flames and the smell of burning debree filtered through the Snipers helmet yet now the wet thud of flesh being pulped or the feint smell of blood filled his senses as the other vindicares near his position started to vanish of the radar on his HUD.
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My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 


#24
BreezyLamar

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I like it. What needs to be expanded upon in the first part of this is the antagonist. Malcador.

What did he do exactly? What is him and his forces doing that is thwarting 18 Primarchs?



#25
The_son_of_Dorn

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This is something I have been working on for a while. With the release of the Primaris marines and 8th and further progression of the 40k fluff I have been stealing ideas and trying to mold them to my own vision of the "malcalite heresy" I initially intended to write Malcador as a brother to the Emperor. ( Like a twin left with some of of his brothers power) Rather than follow the path of human dominance over terra then over the galaxy itself, Malcador was content to be a "normal man" During the unification wars on Terra he would re emerge following the destruction of his home, death of his family etc at the hands of the Emperor.  I am at present toying with the Idea of making Malcador a scion of the Emperor as it would better suit his emergence closer to fluff (well......kind of)

 

I'll be posting more in the week as I finally have a little free time to sit down and self indulge my delusions of being a grand writer. Will probably knock some more out come Thursday.

 

P.S. thank you for the kind words and show of interest :)


My alternate Heresy http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/topic/326705-another-alternate-heresy-with-no-fallen-primarchs/

Fate will open the gate, but love or hate will seal it

Let ambition guide your actions, but let temperance see them fufuilled

You may not always see what is there, but it is your purpose to feel it

Remember success and failure, love and hate are all one weapon, what matters is how you wield it.

 





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