861 replies to this topic

[Kelborn]

Hello there,

 

it is us, the Brotherhood of the Lost, again.

 

We want to start a monthly challenge for ourselves in order to flesh out our Legions with tons of awesome fluff.

 

With each new month, another Legion will be covered. We start with those, who haven't received that much of attention and continue until 18 months (or maybe 20 when we do something for the Wolves and Sons as well?) are over.

 

Then, we might start anew. Why not? Let us see where this is going.

 

For those, we did provoke curiosity, you can write something as well.

 

We welcome everyone, who is interested in our project!

 

Ever wanted to join us or do something including the Icarion Insurrection but you never dared because of the immense amount of stuff we've created? Were you interested in the Halcyon Wardens, the Berserkers of Uran or the Wardens of Light?

 

Here's your chance!

 

You can post your contribution in this thread. There will be no rewards. It's just about being creative and get familiar with each other. If you need background or more information, just have a look on the appropriate threads or contact the Legion's owner (those, who started the threads ).

 

First challenge starts from now on and ends on midnight 31st of March!

 

First Legion to be dealt with: the silent, the sophisticated, the unbreakable

 

XVIIIth Legiones Astartes,

the STEEL LEGION

 

 

So, prepare your keyboards, fill your heads with ideas, the BotL Fluff Challenge begins NOW!

 

Spoiler

• Steel Legion
• Dune Serpents
• Void Eagles
• Grave Stalkers
• Warriors of Peace
• Fire Keepers
• Eagle Warriors
• Warbringers
• Auxilia/Militia
• The Drowned
• Halcyon Wardens
• Elite Regiment

Edited by Lord Thørn, 13 March 2018 - 10:55 PM.

[Kelborn]

So here's the first contribution for our monthly challenge, featuring the Steel Legion. I call it

 

 

Unity

unknown date M30

on the surface of Hesiak Prime

XVIIIth Legiones Astartes was deployed to safeguard the metropolis of Ericho against the savage hordes of the Quickkilla Clan

 

Cursed xenos. That was fiercer than I thought.

 

Boriak freed himself from debris. The grenade had hit right in the middle of his squad, nearly annihilating his entire team. He was slammed against a wall, which had collapsed right on top of him. They had hided within the ruins of a former family home, keeping an eye on the main street below. The attack came surprisingly. The greenskins were indeed quick in their assaults.

 

Boriak steadied himself, rising from the ground. In doing so, he trample on a small frame with an old family picture. He looked at it for a short moment. It showed a happy family during a barbecue. All of them were smiling. The sun was shining. It was a life as it should be in all of the Imperium. But the reality of war had shown them a different fate for all of them. If they were lucky, they had made their way to the bunkers. If not, Boriak did not want to imagine the cruelties to which the damned beasts were more than willing to do.

 

"Squad Boriak, report."

 

No answers. The room was a mess, nearly half blown open. He could see the remains of Jorak, scattered all across the floor and the walls. He must have taken the brunt of the explosion. Boriak tried to contact the rest of his squad via their internal network, accessible via the implanted neocorts in their heads. None answered. While trying to establish contact with anyone outside of this house, he realized that he did not get any contact to anyone of his Legion. Normally, there was a constant static deep within his head. It was the noise of thousands of thoughts and voices speaking through the Legions network. One had to concentrate to address only a handful of brothers, most likely his team. A direct conversation between two Legionnaires was nearly impossible during a battle. For these rare occasions, one had to disconnect from the network. Otherwise, it would need too much focus, which would ultimately lead to a distraction, which could turn out to be lethal during a fight.

 

Boriak took cover behind a still standing fragment of the northern wall, overlooking the coming assault of the greenskins. He did not know how severe this attack was to his company. For now, he was alo-

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

 

The voice filled out his head so abruptly that Boriak felt dizzy for a couple of seconds. He knew this voice but it had never addressed him solely before. He did not knew what he should do or how to behave. Was he the only survivor?

 

YOUR INJURIES ARE NOT WORSE. ONE OF YOUR LUNGS HAS COLLAPSED AND YOU HAVE RECEIVED FISSURES IN YOUR LIVER AND SOME OTHER ORGANS. NOTHING YOURE BODY IS NOT ABLE TO HEAL. DO NOT WORRY. I AM AT YOUR SIDE.

 

Boriak realized that the voice was also linked with his suit, reading his vital signs. It could see what he was seeing right now. A distant howl reached him. So simple, yet effective and mighty, the howl promised only bloodshed and violence in its purest forms. The greenskins were advancing. All of the sudden, he saw some of them, only a few dozens meter away from his positions.

 

Scouts. They are looking for resistance.

 

THEN WE SHALL GIVE THEM WHAT THEY ARE DESIRING. YOU GOT ENOUGH AMMUNITION AND YOUR POWERFIST TO DEAL WITH THEM. TOGETHER, WE WILL STOP THEM.

 

Seems like I will not run out of targets. Even more are advancing and I can see their trucks in the distance.

 

WAS THAT A JOKE?

 

Indeed it was. You are still struggling with these kind of things, right?

 

INDEED. I AM STILL LEARNING. MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A...CONVERSATION ABOUT THESE THINGS?

 

Sure. I am just busy for the next few hours but I believe that I got some spare time in the evening.

 

The voice did not react on his comment. Instead, he could feel the static again. It seems like the voice had separated him from the rest of the Legion. Was he the only one who saw the coming of the Orks?

 

YOU ARE RIGHT. I NEEDED A LOOK BY MYSELF.

 

Wait. That was a joke, right?

 

AM I GETTING BETTER AT IT?

 

Boriak reloaded his bolter and picked up some magazines of his fallen brothers. He took a moment to commemorate his team before rising again.

Unlocking his bolter and preparing his powerfist, Boriak, sergeant of Team Boriak, 23rd company of the Platinic Fists, he was ready to avenge his brothers. Ready to take the fight to the enemy. Ready to give his life if needed.

 

Yes, father. You are getting better at it.

 

ONE VISION

 

The unity of Mankind!

 

ONE PURPOSE

 

Ours to accomplish!

Edited by Kelborn, 07 March 2017 - 11:43 AM.

[Nomus Sardauk]

Superb work Kel, I really like how you showed Nomus learns from his sons as much as they learn from him, that said there are one or two typos to correct and lines I'd alter the wording of as they feel a little odd or inappropriate for the tone of the situation. For example Boriak seems a bit too at ease with his gene-sire talking to him inside his head, plus Boriak's dialogue seems too casual, like he's addressing another battle-brother rather than his Primarch. Other than that, excellent stuff.

[Kelborn]

Thanks, Sangi.

 

I kept it rather casual, yeah. At first, Boriak thinks that his thoughts are his alone. So the line "Seems like I will not run out of targets" is more like a sarcastic monologue. And I imagined Boriak (but didn't mentioned that, therefore you as the reader don't know of it ^^") that he is one of the remaining terran-born of the Legion. Still a bit cynic and still not quite comfortable with the network. That's why he appears a bit rough or too casual. Nomus respects that as he wants to learn about mankind. Therefore, Nomus keeps certain members of the Legion (those he can learn the most of) in sight. It's not about control, rather of studying.

 

Nevertheless, I'm open for enhancements. One can never learn enough regarding a different language. It can only improve my writing.

 

btw.

 

Watcha tink of da warcry, mon?

Edited by Kelborn, 07 March 2017 - 03:19 PM.

[Nomus Sardauk]

I liked it, I always had a thing for call-and-respond war cries, especially when it involves a Brotherhood of Nod reference.

[simison]

I also like the piece Thorn, though it could use some cleaning. Could probably use an editor...

 

EDIT: Also, San, what would you like to see from me?

Edited by simison, 07 March 2017 - 11:35 PM.

[Sigismund229]

^same question. What do you want me to write?

[bluntblade]

Decided to use a tech-priest's POV. Had an idea for the Qarith Triumph, but it doesn't get close to the XVII so I'm holding it back

[Kelborn]

I also like that piece, Thorn?

 

I assume you meant me, so thanks. ^^

 

Would be cool if someone would take his time and act as an editor. ^^

Edited by Kelborn, 08 March 2017 - 08:24 AM.

[Doctor Perils]

I also like the piece Kelborn , though it could use some cleaning. Could probably use an editor...

EDIT: Also, San, what would you like to see from me?

Ftfy

[Nomus Sardauk]

I also like the piece Thorn, though it could use some cleaning. Could probably use an editor...

EDIT: Also, San, what would you like to see from me?

How about the SL bringing a human world into compliance, whether peacefully or no, your choice.

^same question. What do you want me to write?

Hmmm, how about a story of Nomus and Hectarion's first meeting?

[TheBlindPrimarch]

If I recall, I offered my services as an editor for anyone who wants to utilize me.

Just PM me your stories and I'll hit them as quick as I can.

[simison]

I also like that piece, Thorn?

 

I assume you meant me, so thanks. ^^

 

Would be cool if someone would take his time and act as an editor. ^^

 

*facepalm* I'm sorry. I have no idea why my fingers wrote a different name than what was in my head. 

 

 

 

I also like the piece Thorn, though it could use some cleaning. Could probably use an editor...

EDIT: Also, San, what would you like to see from me?

How about the SL bringing a human world into compliance, whether peacefully or no, your choice.

 

 

 

Very well, so shall it be!

[simison]

Compliance of Epsilon-Theta

 

Although the benefits of the Steel Legion's unique neural network cannot be denied, much like the gene-seed, there is a level of risk associated when first integrating a new individual into the Collective. While the Steel Legion takes extreme care to minimize poor outcomes, Nomus Sardauk was unable to completely eliminate rejection incidents. For reasons that span biological to mental to simple error, there are a number of Space Marines who, instead of becoming connected, suffered repercussions. Although rare, legionnaires have been documented as biologically rejecting the implants as immune systems attack the foreign constructs. The most visible rejections belong to a group that has been nicknamed the Fractus. These are Astartes who, for whatever reason, mentally could not cope with joining the neural network. With shattered psyches, the Steel Legion re-purposes these extremely rare cases with more cybernetic implants that return a degree of combat ability, in essence, becoming Space Marine-level servitors. 

 

The one battle where the Fractus were deployed in force throughout the Great Crusade was the Compliance of Epsilon-Theta. A planet-wide dictatorship, Epsilon-Theta was ruled by a cruel tyrant named Anguis. To ensure his rule, Anguis had seeded his own palace with traps that would kill a trapped telepathic psyker in an excruciating manner. Whenever one of these telepaths died, they would unleash a psychic disturbance that would obliterate nearby minds. 

 

Since it was unknown if the Steel Legion's neural network or psyker contingent could accurately counter this danger, Nomus gathered what members of the Fractus available and deployed them in first wave of drop pods around Anguis' fortified palace, supported by precision bombardment targeting the more mundane defenses. The mind-damaged marines advanced as ordered into Anguis' sanctum. The tyrant quickly triggered his psychic bombs but to no avail. 

 

The Fractus' advance was finally put to an end when Anguis deployed his personal bodyguard. While retaining the endurance of a Space Marine, the Fractus were quickly outwitted and outmaneuvered. Yet, they served their Primarch's purpose with aplomb. As the last of the Fractus fell, Nomus personally led a second wave, which had been deploying while Anguis' warriors had put down the Fractus. The resistance almost instantly crumbled before the Son of the Emperor with Anguis executed in the dawn's morning light. 

 

Freed from their hated torturer, the rest of Epsilon-Theta gladly submitted themselves to the Steel Legion.

 

[Let me know what needs to be fixed.]

Edited by simison, 11 March 2017 - 09:45 PM.

[Nomus Sardauk]

Good work Simison, I like the idea that Nomus would find a way to turn these mind-broken marines into a capable fighting force, giving them a second chance to serve like a technological Death Company.

As an aside, the only thing I'd change is probably the name of the unit as the SL already have their unique Umbra-class Stealth Cruiser that uses the title.

[bluntblade]

"What numbers of the Umbra were available", but I like that.

And ooh ooh ooh, can I give the Adept in my story some responsibility for converting the Umbra? Cos that'd have tons of significance for how the Legion and Mechanicus interact.

[Nomus Sardauk]

Hmm, I'd rather not blunt, I feel like Nomus wouldn't want people outside the Legion to know he's converting failed marines into servitor shock troops, he'd consider their fate something of a failure on his part despite it giving them a second chance to serve. And while the SL plays nice with the Mechanicus because the Emperor said so and they have a few things in common Npmis himself distrusts them, privately he sees them and their illogical worship of technology as something that could become dangerous to the Imperium later on and believes the Imperium should cultivate it's own knowledge of the machine so that eventually they don't need the Mechanicum anymore.

[bluntblade]

Bugger. Would the Umbra be known about outside the Legion body itself?

[simison]

Good work Simison, I like the idea that Nomus would find a way to turn these mind-broken marines into a capable fighting force, giving them a second chance to serve like a technological Death Company.

As an aside, the only thing I'd change is probably the name of the unit as the SL already have their unique Umbra-class Stealth Cruiser that uses the title.

 

 

How about the Fractus? Latin for broken.

[bluntblade]

I like the significance, but a name like that would raise questions in places the SL don't want

[simison]

Malleum? The Hammer? Also sounds like malum, which means 'bad' for a double entendre. Also can be the Suzerainty reference connecting to the title Warhammer for a third angle. 

[bluntblade]

Sounds good.

[Nomus Sardauk]

I like the significance, but a name like that would raise questions in places the SL don't want

To be fair the SL probably wouldn't field the Umbra/Fractus if they were fighting alongside other Imperial forces, people already think they're odd and the last thing the SL want is more awkward questions or even accusations of unnatural/heretical practices.

[bluntblade]

True enough. It might be worth putting in a mention of when their use became apparent. Say, the first defeat they endure in the Insurrection - doesn't have to be severe, just has to force them into retreat and leave some fallen Malleum for the enemy to examine. It'd probably then become an important subject for Loyalist propaganda.

[simison]

As for their name, I leave to San.