Jump to content

BotL - Monthly fluff challenge

Kelborn

By Kelborn
in Discussions

 Share

Recommended Posts

simison Venerable Brother

simison

Posted
Posted

(Posting for ease of reference)

Non-Legion factions:

 

  • Elite Mortal Regiments
  • Imperial Army
  • Knight House
  • Titan Legio
  • Mechanicum Forgeworld
  • Insurgo
  • Blackshield
  • Custodian
  • Aeldari
  • Ork
  • Other

 

Knight House in lead with 6 votes

Link to comment
Share on other sites
simison Venerable Brother

simison

Posted
Posted

I can have a go - I never remember the categories though

 

Just two for this month. Black Library Narrative and Forgeworld Historical Text. We also have the Newcomer's Entries, but none for this round.

 

For everyone else, Knight Houses this month.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Doctor Perils Venerable Brother

Doctor Perils

Posted
Posted

Black Library Narrative winner: Beren for Masks

While a bit of polish may be needed (in terms of grammar, a few missing words, and some terms that I wouldn't use from the mind of an Eldar, like the "Warp"), it's on the whole an enjoyable short story, which showcases two of the Wardens' main defining characteristics: ie their speed/dexterity and their use of blanks. I also appreciated that the forces in presence were broadly speaking on an equal footing, which makes the battle feel more meaningful. The xenos point of view, while seen before, is still fairly original, and a good counterpoint to show off the Wardens' best features.

 

R.B.'s Stand, while enjoyable enough, didn't feel particularly thematic for the Wardens of Light. Exchange a couple of names and weapons and you could have essentially any Legion. What's more, the protagonists feel overpowered compared to the antagonists, with every shot taking out an enemy marine - despite the loss of one of their members, you don't really feel much fear on behalf of the main characters.

 

For The Beast and the Darkness and Darce and Eilidh, while they are thematic for the Wardens' of Light Primarch and their Homeworld, it sort of feels a bit off-topic, as we barely get a glimpse of the young Gwalchavad, or much of what the Wardens of Light will eventually become. The former makes the inhabitants of Caerbannog feel a lot more like Calibanites then they were previously to me (a pseudo-medieval world with a few technologically advanced items primarily in the hands of "Knights") - I feel with a bit of rewording on some of the elements we'd side-step that potential issue.
The beginning to The Beast and the Darkness also feels a bit long-winded, presenting two characters that die from an unknown source at the end of the same paragraph. I'd recommend placing the story of Darce and Eilidh prior to it, and have the little child in the bed the same one as eventually gets killed by Gwalchavad - the moment of tenderness with his mother will cement a stronger emotional reaction from the reader when seeing his/her death.

 

 

 

Forgeworld Historical Text Winner - Simison for Lughna Keene

Keene presents an interesting take on the Legion's primary philosophy of pacifism (more or less? I've always had a bit of trouble getting to grips with it personally ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) It feels like he fundamentally disagrees with war, but at the same time believes that combat must be engaged to get there. While the means are at odds with those of his Primarch, his goal is the same. I think he's entirely fitting with the Legion, while also presenting a great bit of motivated intra-legion conflict :tu:

 

While I like the idea of Cunegalaz, I think his write up feels more fitting for a Blackshield then a Warden of Light - while both he and Keene turn against their Primarch's wishes, Cunegalaz doesn't seem to feel any qualms about this, which is fair enough for the character himself (I definitely want to hear more about the Wyvern's guys in the future), he doesn't transpire the Legion's values enough for me to put him forward.

 

Dagda Llyran on the other side sort of feels like he's ticking the boxes of what the Legion stands for (pacifist pariah) - unfortunately you haven't managed to put his personal goals forward enough... It's as if he's... soulless...

 

(okay, I'll let myself out)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Kelborn Venerable Brother

Kelborn

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Well then, the following is not a real contribution to the fluff challenge, as it is basically an older but revised text I've written some years ago.

 

Nonetheless, it shall act as a prelude to the Grand Tournament, which I will cover in this monthly challenge.

 

The Judgement of Olympia (897.M30)

 

One of the greatest and most portentous victories the Knights of House Atreis achieved. It was on Olympia, a world, which thrived with an aspiring civilization, that House Atreis took command of the present imperial forces when the desperation was close by. The strike force consisted of the 116th Expeditionary Fleet including the majority of House Atreis' Knight Suits, as well as several imperial auxiliary regiments, the Mechanicum aligned Household Sardok and the 53rd company of the Legiones Astartes Wardens of Light. They discovered a small but powerful realm consisting of a handful of planets with a world known as Olympia as its centre. A council of twenty individuals, who called themselves the Black Judges, ruled this autonomous realm.
Once humans like their slaves and servants, these tyrants had nothing in common with their people, anymore. While the youngest Judges still maintained their bodies in sarcophagi like an Astartes Dreadnaught, embedded in a powerful and resistant carapace, the older ones only remains were their brains and nerves, well protected in small tanks, filled with life-saving fluids. Each of their shells was individual design by its bearer and were nearly as large like an Imperial Knight, picked with dozens of deadly weapons of all kind. Furthermore, they were well protected by heavy armour of unknown origin, as well as integrated shield generators. The people of Olympia and its surrounding worlds worshipped these Black Judges as gods and were lead by a cult of fanatics, for whom enhancing themselves with cybernetics was an act of achieving perfection. The Rock of Justice, a mobile fortress moon orbiting Olympia, acted as their main base of operations.

Therefore, it was the task of the 116th fleet to conquer this small, yet highly advanced empire. After scouting the defences, the masters of the 116th decided that they would need further support in order to get past the Rock of Justice and its surrounding fleet. They called out and were answered by the fourth great company of the Third Legiones Astartes, the Crimson Lions, experts in naval combat and boarding actions. The Lions of Mycenae proclaimed that they would deal with the Judges' fleet so that ground forces, under High Marshal Merian Korwenis of the Surian Raider Solar Auxilia cohort, could land upon Olympia. As promised was the fleet of the Olympian tyrants dealt by the Crimson Lions. In addition, was the Rock of Justice boarded by the sons of Hectarion, ending in a heavy fight against its master.

In the meantime, the ground offensive on the world below turned into a massacre. The Judges hid within their well-protected bases built inside the mountains of Olympia. To gain access, the imperial forces had to go through several Zone Mortalis battlefields, taking a heavy toll on their side. When the High Marshal fell during another failing assault, Archduke Miklos Atreis of House Atreis took over the mantle of leadership as the most senior officer. He was supported by Princeps Farkhan Corrines, leader of House Sardok and by the Disciple of Light Cervantes de Leon of the twelfth Legiones Astartes Wardens of Light. Under the leadership of House Atreis, the Knights passed the dangerous zones nearly unharmed by using their ion shields as overlapping shield walls, a tactic Miklos Atreis had adapted from companioned House Harkon.
Finally, the imperial assault was able to attack the enemies’ bastions. While the Scions of both Houses crushed the fortifications of every fortress, the Wardens of Light infiltrated the broken walls to sabotage crucial targets like power engines or support lines. Several days of fighting and conquering bastion after bastion, the imperial forces finally laid siege upon the Obsidian Citadel, the dome of the Black Judges. There, they were confronted by the elite forces of the Judges: the Accusators, willingness and heavily augmented cyborgs, who venerated the Judges as gods, as well as the Doomed, survivors of a failed experiment by Dalus, one of the oldest Judges. Designed to improve the human body, the resulting mutants were now used as expendable shock troops. The resulting fight marked the epitome of the whole conflict when the Black Judges joined the battle in their giant mech bodies. Centuries old and various in size and form, every single one of the fifteen participating Judges were as deadly as a Titan was.
Archduke Atreis had waited for exactly that moment. While auxiliary and Astartes forces, as well as the lower echelons of the Imperial Knights,  dealt with the mortal servants of the tyrants, the veterans of Houses Atreis and Sardok gathered under his personal banner to fight the massive Judges head on. Twentynine advancing Knights stood up against fifteen Judges but they were quickly shown that numbers did not matter.

Advanced Laser and plasma weaponry took out five Knights in mere seconds. Ion shields collapsed, plates of adamantium melted away and the Scions were boiled inside their own suits. When the Knights under Miklos Atreis finally reached the Judges, they unleashed their full fury. Shooting, slicing, tearing apart, those engagements were what mortals would call a battle of iron deities. The first Judges fell soon but at a high cost. Arrak Celvores, a champion of House Sardok killed one of the Judges by ramming his thermal cannon in his enemies mechanical body, triggering the devastating weapon at such a short range that both died in the following explosion. Shaking off their losses, the remaining Knights fought fearlessly and made use of their superior agility. Although deadly, the giant mech bodies of he remaining Judges were still too slow. One Olympian Tyrant after another was crushed or torn to peace until only three remained; the brothers Dalus, Ikkarius, and the Judge’s leader, Ammemnon.
Each of them was an enemy, which would take several knights to do defeat, Miklos Atreis rallied his remaining seven Knights and charged at the superior enemy. All of the sudden were they joined by another force: the Wardens of Light. Striking from above by using their jump packs, the sons of Gwalchavad landed atop of Ikkarius, placing melter bombs on his carapace, melting away his upper hull. While his metal innards were exposed, Ikkarius was too busy shaking off the Wardens, that he did not realise his demise. On howling jetbikes, Cervantes de Leon and his command squad attacked the Judge. Blasting their way through the Judge’s back they broke out of his lower part, killing the ancient Judge instantly. As only Dalus and Ammemnon remained, Dalus turned around and fled. Duke Atreis reacted immediately, sending the Knights of House Sardok to hunt him down.

They caught up to him and would later report that they destroyed the Judge. In truth, they only disabled and took him as a prisoner. Dalus, the former chief engineer oft he Black Judges, was brought to the homeworld of House Sardok, Vernius, his fate unknown to the rest of the imperial forces.

During Dalus‘captivity, Duke Atreis, his children Vorian, Alia and his Aucteller Duncan Servantes fought against the cruel and battle-tested Ammemnon. His huge mechanical body, shaped like a metallic scorpion with several arms, each flowing in all kind of weapons, was more than a match for four members of the Imperial Household. In a titanic duel, all participants gave much and accepted even more. Servantes Calas’ Blade was disabled after saving his lord’s life, while Alia’s Spirit of Bravery was heavily damaged. To save his daughter’s life, Archduke Miklos Atreis threw himself in a deadly blast from Ammemnon main plasma cannon, overloading his ion shield but saving his daughter’s life. As the blast was tremendous, the lord of House Atreis and hero of countless battles fell and laid still on the ground, badly injured.
Vorian, Miklos’s heir lost his mind, slicing and tearing through Ammemnon’s thick armour. Riping his enemies' limb off, Vorian hacked his way towards Ammemnon’s brain, which rested deep within the giant mech's body. After finally landing the killing blow something happened, which no one could have foreseen: all of the remaining Accusators immediately dropped dead.

Throughout the centuries, Ammemnon had becomes paranoid and installed a security programme in his body. Should one oft he other Judges kill him in a struggle for power, everything the Judges had achieved would follow him into the abyss. Because of that, all remaining instalments of the Judges exploded. The immense Obsidian Citadel blew up in an apocalyptic detonation, killing thousands of imperial forces and Olympian servants alike. Ammemnon’s death marked the final end of the Black Judges.
Olympia was rebuild and integrated into the expanding Imperium of Mankind. Although badly wounded, Duke Miklos Atreis survived the engagement. He decided to step down as the military leader of House Atreis, passing his rank to his son, Vorian. Miklos returned home to Calas Prime to recover from his near death. He chose to over watch the training of new generations of Knight-Scions and fight the remnants of his old enemies, the Orks of the Tirasian cluster.
The Emperor acknowledged the increasing importance of rediscovered Households after the successful conquer of Olympia. He decreed that they shall have a permanent seat in the Grand Council of Terra. Furthermore, he ordered a Grand Tournament being held upon Olympia’s surface. Just as ancient festivities held on Terra in times nearly forgotten, Knights from all Households should show their skills and their worth. The overall winner of this Tournament shall be become the High Questor of he imperial Knights, gaining not only the overall right to represent all Households but having a seat in the Great War Council, as well. The best architects were summoned to create an arena big enough for all the participating Households and spectators.

Soon, the call for the first Grand Tournament would hall through the Imperium of Mankind.

 

Edited by Kelborn
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
bluntblade Venerable Brother

bluntblade

Posted
Posted
Who haven't we touched yet? Warbringers? WoP?
 
Cerastus Knight-Venerer
  Born out of the Ke’mano wars fought by House Toho, the Cerastus Knight-Venerer found favour with several other Houses despite the alleged innovations which had gone into its design. It was designed to strike swiftly, killing its foes with the first flurry of blows or leaving them crippled, to be finished off by its slower brethren. On the battlefields of the Great Crusade, the Venerer has also proven its worth as a ferocious slayer of light armour and smaller combat walkers, cutting through tank squadrons like a predator set loose among a flock.
 
  As well as its iconic dual blades, the Venerer sports a lethal pair of twin-linked hellguns, a combination which makes it an enticing prospect for a House’s impetuous younger scions. However, with the Venerer’s particular role, the scions bonded to such armours must be chosen carefully for their temperament.  For the pilot of a Venerer to prosper, they must be able to shackle the Knight’s machine spirit and channel its rage in precise bursts, never allowing it to overwhelm their tactical sense. 
 

 

Knight Justiciar
  The Justiciar was Daer'dd’s best-known contribution to the Imperium's array of Knight Walkers, and fittingly it was one of the very largest sacred armours, utilising the Dominus patter. In keeping with the Great Bear’s preferred methods, the Justiciar was designed to be utterly deadly at close range. Armed with the fearsome power axe that gave the pattern its name, it formed a key part of House Blinstrubas and August’s line-breaker units during the Tricendian Conquests. 
 
  The influence of the Tricendian Houses and the proven power of the design carried the Justiciar into service with other Houses, though more conservative Houses and particularly those aligned with the Fabricator General disdained it. For those who did embrace it had to reckon with the demands of piloting with such a monster, bonding only their most redoubtable scions with a Justiciar.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.

  I accept