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[Iron Gauntlet 2017] Index Traitoris: The Violent Gods

Iron Gauntlet 2017 Liber Astartes Index Traitoris Index Astartes

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#1
bloodhound23

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The Violent Gods

 
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Identity unknown


Date:……………999.M41
Ref:................LBC//BLO
Re:.................Adeptus Astartes; Renegatus- The Violent Gods
Thought:…………The love of wisdom walks a mere step in front of its eternal cohorts: blissful ignorance and wanton temptation. Fate would, of course, not deign to have them run in opposite directions, but, rather, they run in the same. -(Ancient Terran Philosopher, Unknown)



+++TRANSMISSION INCOMING+++
+++TRANSMISSION RECEIVING…+++

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999.M41

Our Gracious Lords,

In what follows we share new developments within our ongoing investigation into the renegade Astartes faction colloquially known as Saevus Dei, “the Violent Gods”. We are imminently grateful for the opportunity to provide assistance and hope you will find our work helpful to the ongoing progress of your invaluable research.

May the Emperor protect.

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We argue here that the available evidence suggests, specifically, that the rogue Astartes warband we will hereafter refer to as “the Violent Gods” is led by the Prognosticator assigned to the missing Silver Skulls Strike Cruiser Aevum immediately prior to its disappearance.

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The facts of Aevum's otherwise-unremarkable disappearance return to the fore of our project given the involvement of the rogue Astartes warband known as Saevus Dei, the Violent Gods, in a number of conflicts preceding the specific grouping of events composing what has been called "The Night of a Thousand Rebellions". [The involvement of the Violent Gods in this specific grouping of events- and the events that now can be seen as leading up to them- is, of course, the reason for this report.] 

It is not only, however, the mere existence of structural similarities between two extant Strike Cruisers that we think constitutes good reason to give credence to the thesis advanced at the start. It is, furthermore, the striking similarities among belief systems to which we point to further our case. We have long keep at merely an arm’s distance the Silver Skulls Chapter due to their deviation in the form of the use of the so-called Prognosticators instead of Librarians. Prognosticators are assigned to each company and are highly revered in a manner unique to the Silver Skulls. Relying solely on the Emperor’s Tarot or the use of runes, even the Chapter Master defers to the plan of action as interpreted by the Prognosticators. In addition, the belief among the Silver Skulls in the power of the divination methods of the Prognosticators makes them spiritual advisors, taking on some of the duties assigned to Chaplains in Codex-compliant chapters. As such, we consider that (ceteris paribus) a detachment of Silver Skulls is more likely to fall under the sway of an influential rogue Prognosticator than a typical detachment falling to a rogue psyker in the average chapter, given a culture of distrust of psykers (given that the psykers in question command such reverence) is conspicuously absent among the culture of the Silver Skulls.

If the aforementioned two reasons justify continued investigation, one would expect to see two types of evidence: first, a case in concreto of a deviant Prognosticator, and, second, a case in concreto that substantiates an explanatory route from a somewhat overenthusiastic belief in divination to full-blown heretical cult of personality via the manipulation of an otherwise benign trust of the approved forms of divination. Here we submit that we have instances of both, with the former causing the latter. We now move to a demonstration of both points, taken in turn, interspersed with arguments for their connection. 

Origins

584.M41

The Disappearance

A simple archival search shows the rather abrupt cessation of transmissions from Silver Skulls Strike Cruiser Aevum while on a mission of unknown (classified) specification near the Minisotira sector within Segmentum Pacificus. Internal reports disclosed by the Silver Skulls note increasingly erratic transmissions from Aevum, which contained a task force drawn from the 5th and 8th companies (in toto significantly less than a full company), with the entire detachment falling under the command of an 8th Company Captain Kehan. Correspondence mentions mild unrest among the battle-brothers, including increasing paranoia from the some of the assigned specialists, in particular from the assigned Prognosticator. After reports involving steadily increasing intensity in the aforementioned ways, transmissions (as noted previously) ceased altogether. Aevum is officially listed as lost in the warp anomaly known as "the Gate of Fire" and the erratic reports preceding its disappearance have (in our estimation) so far been justifiably dismissed as unrelated to the direct causal circumstances of Aevum's disappearance.

+++TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED+++
+++DOCUMENTS INCOMING+++

LOG: 140.583.M41

We have arrived at [redacted], as per Jaruk’s guidance. Though I confess that I am puzzled as to why our mission has taken us this far from Varsavia- and with relatively small numbers and limited resources- I am not one to question the readings of the Prognosticators. Time will tell- as it always does- the precise nature of our business here.

LOG: 200.583.M41

Jaruk has been unable to read the runes. Protocol demands that we wait to move on until Jaruk no longer suffers what from what the other Prognosticators call “the Deep Dark”, an inability to understand the will of the Emperor using the runes or the Tarot. Periods within this closed window of communication are said to only ever be temporary, momentary lapses in access that fade with time such that the ability eventually fully returns. Jaruk, however, does not seem encouraged by this apparently common piece of knowledge and has become increasingly isolated. He is, as is well known, normally a well-liked and inspiring figure, both charismatic and wise. He has been in his chambers for over two months as of the time of this log and has spoken to no one. Even as Captain, I fear to ask of his well-being as to not disturb his attempts to successfully use his gift of sight again. May the Emperor protect.

LOG: 289.583.M41

The Prognosticator’s continued silence has engendered a number of violent episodes in the fighting cages, with loyalties often divided along regional affiliations. Brothers from the southern tribes of Varsavia have most often been the aggressors. Disciplinary actions have been taken but the number of incidents continues to rise. I worry that my ability to properly adjudicate between the two factions will erode if Jaruk’s silence forces us to remain in limbo. The indefinite nature of the halting of our progress has clearly made members of our detachment restless. Whatever its true cause, it nonetheless remains that I cannot afford to have continued erosion of trust between us due to infighting.

LOG 293.583.M41

I sense whispering. I know not of what, or how, but I am beginning to expect that some of the brothers are unified against my command. I am convinced the southerners do not trust me. Or, rather, perhaps they do not trust me nearly as much as they trust Ovis, the southern-born Techmarine, or his twin brother Kelsus, our Apothecary, who are the highest ranking of those born of the southern tribes, and seem to speak for them. More than half of my command is southern-born, including my chaplain. Only with the first sergeant, my delegatus and confidant, am I willing to share these thoughts. Jaruk has been around far longer than I, and will prevail if we do not end up on the same side and the situation escalates.

I have no direct evidence of Jaruk’s machinations, but I have long suspected that there was far more to his silence than mere penitence or even the semblance of genuine faith. Indeed, paranoid as I feel for even entertaining the thought, I know his silence has been quite productive for his aims. Warp storms continue to make outside communication difficult for days on end, all the more reason to suspect that Jaruk the Seer sees far more than I. It is only now that I can see that he has only tolerated my command, and it now seems that I am not in charge in anything more than name. If Jaruk speaks, we are bound to it. If I question his judgment, I question the word of the Emperor himself. When he finally speaks the word as given him by the runes, perhaps only then will I know if I am betrayed or not. Until then, I dare not utter such thoughts to anyone, save the first sergeant, whom I have asked to investigate the matter by any means necessary. I speak these thoughts only to give voice to them in case such ominous events do come to pass. I pray they do not, and if my suspicions are wrong, then I ask forgiveness for ever harboring them at all.

LOG 297.583.M41

Nothing has substantiated my previous delusions, and I expect nothing will, as the first sergeant has found nothing out of the ordinary to report. I am embarrassed by my lack of faith. The Emperor has finally made our fate clear to Jaruk, the infighting has ceased, and we are set to return home when the warp storms subside and the Navigator gives the appropriate clearance. With Jaruk relieved from the burden of the Deep Dark, I suspect my doubts will subside as well. I remain alert regarding the fissures in our detachment that has been born out of this regional rivalry, but for now, I am happy to report that it seems as if my worries were in vain. May the Emperor protect.

+++DOCUMENTS RECEIVED+++
+++TRANSMISSION RESUMING…+++

First Encounter

866.M41

Imperial forces arrive to the dying throes of rebellion on Enneardia, a feudal world in the Sabbat Worlds in the galactic northwest region of Segmentum Pacificus. Upon further investigation, authorities also find evidence of past activity in the forms of unauthorized (assumed to be excommunicate) Astartes presence (including extensive vehicle activity) as well as evidence of several forms of outright butchering by the locals of human and animal bodies in conjunction with forms of ritual divination. Drawing and inscriptions at the various sites show what seemed to be rough versions of Astartes figures- clad in dark metallic armor, and almost always labelled with what translates from the local lingua franca into Low Gothic as “Violent Gods”. Though at the time it was unclear as to which Astartes faction might be responsible for such depictions, a pattern emerges with a later discovery elsewhere within Segmentum Pacificus.

Reavers of the West

c. 940.M41-951.M41

Imperial Navy escorts throughout Segmentum Pacificus begin compiling reports of sightings of several Astartes vessels of unknown designation, largely unadorned and colored dark metallic. Boarding actions by then-unknown Astartes result in significant casualties and pillaging, in several cases leaving the vessels functionally immobile.

Elsewhere, Astartes (presumably of the same faction) make planetfall and are taken to be responsible for several cases of abductions of a number of adolescent males, often leaving significant casualties in their wake and quickly disappearing with little more than a few eyewitnesses. Reports from those eyewitnesses speak of the same dark metallic armor, adorned with totems, severed skulls, runes, etc., and subsequent investigation corroborates mentions of psyker activity.

In 951.M41, a Dark Sons Gladius Class Frigate is the subject of a boarding action by same dark-ironclad warriors. All but a few survivors- presumably those left for dead- were either killed or captured. It is from this incident that we have most of our knowledge of the actual tactical tendencies of the Violent Gods. Consistent with reports elsewhere, they are reported to have arrived quickly and with little warning, were equipped for maximum versatility, and were thought to have access to resources beyond those possible from simple piracy, a point to which we will later return.

Confirmation

960.M41

The discovery of a ruined and abandoned Astartes-class Strike Cruiser on a sparsely-inhabited moon known as Taru in the Adrantis system (also northwest Segmentum Pacifus) marks what we consider to be the primary piece of direct evidence for our claim(s). Within the ruins of the vessel are quarters clearly marked off for what seems to have been the commander of the vessel, filled with objects of a similar sort to those found during the investigation of the aftermath of the events on Enneardia. They are speculated to have been used for heretical forms of divination, specifically haruspicy. Furthermore, the vessel has been refinished in a dark metallic color, consistent with the depictions at Enneardia.
Though most of the insignia that would otherwise show the original Imperial owners of the vessel is defaced, the investigation returned with a pair of Mk VII pauldrons, obviously repurposed and refinished, but still bearing the outline of Silver Skulls insignia, prompting the investigation undertaken here- though their mere existence in this context need not imply anything further. Contact was initiated with the Silver Skulls, who quickly provided necessary ship specifications for comparison. As thought, analysis reveals this ship to have no significant structural differences between the ruined Cruiser found on the Adrantis moon and Aevum. Mysteriously, however, little was found in the way of bodies, wargear, vehicles, etc., leaving authorities to assume that the ship was successfully unloaded and its contents salvaged before it was abandoned prior to its eventual descent to the surface of Taru.

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For further context, we offer the following (tentative) profile of what we currently know of the so-called “Violent Gods”:

Homeworld

It is so far unclear where the faction is based, and so it is equally likely that they are simply nomadic and fleet-based. At least the one relatively uncorrupted aformnentioned Strike Cruiser- otherwise indistinguishable at a distance from a loyal Astartes Strike Cruiser- is confirmed to have once been under the control of the Violent Gods, though it seems as if they are capable of drawing upon resources of unknown origin. In particular, there exist confirmed evidence the activity (from the Enneardia site) of relatively extensive vehicle use, including both Predators, Land Raiders, dreadnought(s), drop pods, and Thunderhawk-class gunships, suggesting either the existence of alliances with other renegade factions, or even perhaps a larger fleet than what has been thus far observed.

Organization

They do not seem to lack access to more fundamental resources generally, however, and we suspect they have a number of competent Techmarines and Apothecaries, given the evidence of the activity of vehicles at their disposal and the seeming influx of new gene-seed, though we can only speculate as to how the new geneseed is acquired. How they are formally organized (and if at all), however, is as yet unclear.

Combat Doctrine

Despite limited contact, generalizations can be reasonably made regarding a coherent fighting style. Seeming to favor lightning assaults using drop pods and close quarters fighting, the average member of the Violent Gods is nonetheless equipped for maximum versatility, and have even been observed to be quite adept at effectively operating the boltgun one-handed, a feature responsible for leading earlier researchers to speculate a VI Legion lineage, though that theory, we argue, ought to be discarded and replaced with the one we defend here.

Geneseed

Though it is now suspected that many of the Violent Gods are indeed of Silver Skulls lineage, it cannot be the case that all members now are, given the size of Aevum's originally assigned detachment and what we know of the current fighting strength of the Violent Gods. If, as suspected due to their fairly robust access to resources, they are in collusion with other more established renegade factions, we maintain that it is likely that their ranks may include other traitors, perhaps even those allied with Huron or otherwise involved in the Badab conflict, though we dare not speculate here. Further, this explanatory gap means that we cannot rule out the existence of new rebel Astartes of their own creation with genetic material and/or aspirants acquired from unknown sources. This being the case, some of the Violent Gods may very well have geneseed of chimeric heredity.

Beliefs

The Violent Gods- given what was found at the site at Enneardia and at the site on Taru- are thought to practice trophy-taking, haruspicy, and likely even ritual forms cannibalism, perhaps focusing on consumption of the liver and the brain, presumably for the benefits they have been known to impart via the function of the omophagea.

We have attempted to architectonically reconstruct a possible belief-system that may serve as a profile that may add to the resources of those who may come into contact with the Violent Gods, given what we now believe are the facts regarding their origin. It is likely that the average member of the the group in question is-if it is even helpful to speculate that they have any reasons beyond pure treason for their compliance with the agenda of traitors- explicitly or implicitly adheres to some sort of pantheistic/animistic mysticism, characterized by the belief in the efficacy of omens, tokens (such as the skulls/teeth of a number of different megafauna), runes, and other primitive practices of divination.

Consistent with our thesis, similar beliefs are present among the brutal, southern tribes of Varsavia, the source of aspirants and homeworld of the Silver Skulls. Though great care is taken in the psycho-conditioning of aspirants to analyze and eliminate beliefs that are inimical to orthodoxy, the chapter cult of the Silver Skulls (in particular- their abnormal reverence for their Prognosticators) we think all but ensures that the eventual attraction to unorthodox forms of divination would not arise as spontaneously as it might otherwise be expected to in chapters with fundamentally different chapter cults. The same general caution we have emphasized for those who investigate or otherwise monitor the Silver Skulls has (at least in this case) been urged for the sake of cases like this one, where such beliefs are now thought to have manifested themselves here in the case of the Violent Gods.

Battle Cry

From an inscription at Enneardia: "Astra inclinant, sed non obligant."

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We leave the decision on whether or not to notify the Silver Skulls of this hypothesis and the evidence that we have amassed in its defense to your discretion. The composition of the Violent Gods that are of Silver Skulls lineage could turn out range anywhere between just a single member and the entirety, as we believe Jaruk to continue to be alive. Whether it is made up of many or even just one would likely be of little import to the Silver Skulls, and we have scant direct evidence that could further demonstrate our hypothesis in any way other than in the (admittedly) circumstantial way in which we have been proceeding.

Nonetheless, the similarities between the profiles of the renegatus Astartes faction known as “the Violent Gods” and the unquestionably loyal Silver Skulls is one that suggests reason for caution in our dealings with the Silver Skulls, present or future, and provides some reason to continue to keep a watchful eye of the Chapter, particularly now given the existence of a plausible scheme for how such beliefs may yield a particular kind of traitorous Astartes, particularly the case a of a rogue Astartes psyker. 

To continue with this line of investigation would be to develop a richer schemata for how and why a special sort of deference to divination in the case of the Prognosticators might make such a case as this one possible, but such a task has not yet been attempted, though we suggest that it ought to be. 
 
We hope to have succeeded in supplying useful information for the aid of those who may come into contact with the Violent Gods when the current unrest in Segmentum Pacificus can be addressed.

May the Emperor protect.

M. D. C., A. X. N.; Ordo Hereticus

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Edited by bloodhound23, 18 May 2017 - 07:11 AM.


#2
Sete

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Why does the warp anomaly have a name? Is it a permanent thing?

Edited by Sete, 23 March 2017 - 12:07 PM.

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#3
MysticTemplar

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It might be interesting to see some of the mentioned corespondence from the Aevum prior to its disappearance, give more of a personal view of what ever is going wrong with its complement (and maybe hint about why/to whom they fell?)


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ETL_2016_Banner_01_Oath_of_Moment.jpg


#4
Badass_Spaz

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This, this is something fantastic in the making!

A lot of praise and love for 40K comes from different theories and interpretations from the lore itself. We're not given every nitty gritty detail, so we the fans fill in the gaps ourselves with our own narratives/head canon.

Please, in the name of Khorne's bleeding throne and Nurgle's favorite boil, continue doing this. Do what Mystic suggested and leave hints and tidbits here and there but never make clear motivation. Create a mystery that leaves the reader, and Inquisition, scratching their noggins.

Also, it makes the Traitors appear that much more frightening having so little information. For all we know, they're pretending to be loyalists!


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#5
Donkey Kong

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I like the choice you've made with your formatting. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.



#6
Ferrus Manus

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Like KHK said, I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops.

 

I'd suggest taking a look at http://www.bolterand...ers/?hl= barret

 

Barret took a similar approach with the origins section, and to this day I think it's one of the best renegade articles we've seen on this board.


 
My WIP Space Marine Chapter

#7
bloodhound23

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Why does the warp anomaly have a name? Is it a permanent thing?

 
Minisotira and the Gate of Fire are- as far as I can tell- officially named places, giving me my opportunity to fit in the established fluff without stretching or violating it. I also have been interested in Segmentum Pacificus as a location for a bit, as to not make them sound too derivative of the Astral Claws/Red Corsairs. I just needed the right event and the right places! But I'm open to wiggle here. At the moment they're just convenient placeholders. 
 

It might be interesting to see some of the mentioned corespondence from the Aevum prior to its disappearance, give more of a personal view of what ever is going wrong with its complement (and maybe hint about why/to whom they fell?)

 
I do want to- I was waffling as to whether I would need to write transcripts of it, but now that you say it, I do think that that's probably the best way to spill the beans re: the grand fall of the Prognosticator.
 

This, this is something fantastic in the making!

A lot of praise and love for 40K comes from different theories and interpretations from the lore itself. We're not given every nitty gritty detail, so we the fans fill in the gaps ourselves with our own narratives/head canon.

Please, in the name of Khorne's bleeding throne and Nurgle's favorite boil, continue doing this. Do what Mystic suggested and leave hints and tidbits here and there but never make clear motivation. Create a mystery that leaves the reader, and Inquisition, scratching their noggins.

Also, it makes the Traitors appear that much more frightening having so little information. For all we know, they're pretending to be loyalists!

 
Yes! I do think you're right that traitors are often more frightening if you don't get the God's Eye View of all their flaws and idiosyncrasies. Thanks for your encouragement.
 

I like the choice you've made with your formatting. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

 
Thank you and thanks for saying so. I'm very excited to continue working on it now that I've gotten some positive feedback.
 
 

Like KHK said, I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops.
 
I'd suggest taking a look at http://www.bolterand...ers/?hl= barret
 
Barret took a similar approach with the origins section, and to this day I think it's one of the best renegade articles we've seen on this board.

 
Oh wow. This is giving me so many ideas. Thanks for the heads up.
 
Thanks everyone for their feedback. I'm very excited to try and tackle filling in these holes in the "report".

Edited by bloodhound23, 23 March 2017 - 10:31 PM.

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#8
bloodhound23

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Hey!

I moved some stuff around and added some stuff. I still need help with direction, though, and you guys have been great so far, so I'd be very grateful if you could take another look!

#9
Lephisto

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Fantastic read. I am looking forward to more posted up later.



#10
Draakur

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I have every faith that Jaruk will find only benefit in exploring the... "versatility" of the omophagea. Drink deep of the enemy's spirit, brother - grow strong on his destruction ;)

With both the sovereignty and nature of the Librarian caste (which was partially inspired by the Silver Skulls to begin with), our two Chapters have a lot in common already brother :) I'm about to post up the specifics behind the beliefs that inform my Chapter's cannibalistic practices, if that happens to be of interest.

Very much like your work so far, in particular the specificity of two particular characters and the details and events that are leading to them being who they are. Keep it up!
ATTACK is the only order worth remembering

#11
bloodhound23

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Fantastic read. I am looking forward to more posted up later.


Ah! Thank you and I am glad you like it so far. Hopefully I can continue to churn it out without encountering that pesky writer's block! msn-wink.gif 
 

I have every faith that Jaruk will find only benefit in exploring the... "versatility" of the omophagea. Drink deep of the enemy's spirit, brother - grow strong on his destruction msn-wink.gif

With both the sovereignty and nature of the Librarian caste (which was partially inspired by the Silver Skulls to begin with), our two Chapters have a lot in common already brother smile.png I'm about to post up the specifics behind the beliefs that inform my Chapter's cannibalistic practices, if that happens to be of interest.

Very much like your work so far, in particular the specificity of two particular characters and the details and events that are leading to them being who they are. Keep it up!



I agree about Jaruk, the traitorous scum that I am! And yes, I am quite interested.

Thank you for your inspiration, and I'm glad to have your perspective. Hopefully the parallel developments of our projects can be quite fruitful for the both of us, eh? I'm excited!

Edited by bloodhound23, 27 March 2017 - 02:59 AM.


#12
bloodhound23

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Update! I have edited the original post.

Two more captain's logs have been added, featuring the breaking of Jaruk's silence (very exciting for everyone who's been on the edge of their seat, of course teehee.gif ), but I am up against a contradiction, I'm afraid. Hmph. I knew I'd have to get into some big continuity issues eventually.

 

Here's my problem, and I have two potential routes:

 

1. I need to reveal something within this captain's that gives away that Jaruk used haruspicy rather the Tarot or the runes for divination, and I need Kehan to know about it. But if I do that, then my original premise, that they were officially designated as lost in a warp storm, would involve conspiracy on someone's part (likely the Silver Skulls) in prematurely marking a mutinee as a disappearance. I'm not interested in pursuing that route.

 

2. Less conspiratorial would be to reveal the Violent Gods as being practicioners of primitive and bloody divination rather than Jaruk himself as a Silver Skull on this mission I have written up.

 

I'd rather not do 2, but I can't see any other way out of 1. 

 

Does this make sense? Can anyone help me out of this? How can I let on that the Silver Skulls and Kehan knew he was into heretical practices? Do I have to change that they were officially designated as lost in the warp on pain of being way too conspiratorial?

 

Help! 

 

Thanks in advance!



#13
LancsHotpot90

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Brilliant stuff so far, I love this insidious way of portraying traitors, less is definitely more in terms of information about them.

In terms of progression, how about some transmission comes through regarding a mustering of forces for a local crusade that they where meant to join but instead of joining, they go elsewhere, deeper into the warp perhaps at Jaruks insistence. Then, taking his leave, Jaruk claims he's going to consult the tarot and runes further.

Unable to quell his suspicions the Captain sends the Sgt to discreetly follow Jaruk but maybe the Sgt goes missing following that? Maybe he joins Jaruks, maybe he was in on it all along, maybe he was sacrificed, I'll leave it to you to weave the mystery ;)

Edit: spelling

Edited by LancsHotpot90, 28 March 2017 - 10:25 AM.

Brother Tark, why did the Tyranid break up with his girlfriend?
>I don't know, why?
because she had too much biomass
>THUNDEROUS REVELRY
Attributed to Sgt Gigglefist of the Comedy Marines

#14
Draakur

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Sorry, I'm reading this over and over, and try as I might... I don't understand what the hell you're going for lol. Can you explain the problem/your direction a little more clearly or differently?
ATTACK is the only order worth remembering

#15
joschlumpf

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Sorry, I'm reading this over and over, and try as I might... I don't understand what the hell you're going for lol. Can you explain the problem/your direction a little more clearly or differently?

I have to join here. Where is the problem of being lost in warp and others knowing, that they are traitors later on? Sometime you, more or less, have to decide if they are loyal or traitors, if you wish for them to ever coming back out of the warp. If they never come back, where is the problem of Kehan knowing about it? He stays loyal he dies.

 

Or do you want it like: The Imperium finds the ship later with the whole crew missing and the logs are the only knowledge of what happend but it ends with a "cliffhanger". And only the Violent Gods and us allmighty storytellers know that they changed their allignement? - If so then the easiest way would be to write the last log like: "I know something is wrong with Jaruk, maybe he worship {insert chaos god}. I have to find evidence." And then years later the Imperium encounters the vessel after a battle against the new Traitorwarband Violent Gods.



#16
Badass_Spaz

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Saying he straight up worships whatever Chaos god is a bit too forward, in my opinion. From what I know, the citizens of the Imperium don't know a whole, if anything, about the Warp or what resides within. I'd even wager a solid few bucks the Space Marines themselves don't fully comprehend the difference between the powerful dieties residing in that realm... Besides maybe the Librarians.

I'd rather reserve my verdict until the Index finally concludes and give my thoughts. For now, the relatively innocent mystique prods a bit at my own curiosity.



#17
bloodhound23

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Sorry, I'm reading this over and over, and try as I might... I don't understand what the hell you're going for lol. Can you explain the problem/your direction a little more clearly or differently?

 

Hey- I typed it all out in a bit of a rush and upon looking back it was not so clear. 

 

I need to reveal Jaruk as a traitor, as someone who's gone barking down the wrong tree. But so far, I want them to just fall of the map. That last log up there will be the final one, and then they disappear *near* a warp storm, but not necessarily in one, though that's what gets marked down officially.  I want the reader to assume Jaruk eliminates the opposition and disappears with the ship. And the impetus for the whole investigation is that, according to the Silver Skulls, this cruiser from Kehan's mission is lost, and they have no good reason from the logs to assume anything other than an accident. If it's the same ship that this report is about, which it is supposed to be, then I can't give Jaruk away as a traitor in the captain's log, because I don't want to make the Silver Skulls into conspirators. That's just a bit too much liberty with the fluff for me.

 

I have all this backstory about their bizarro practices and the sort of totalitarian regime that Jaruk will go on to enforce in his warband through his belief in the fates, ancient wisdom and practice (think pre-heresy Word Bearers), etc., and I just don't know how to get it in, because, as I've said, I just don't see how to get it in through the logs. I think I'm just asking for confirmation that that's a lost cause. :/

 

Perhaps I could get it in when I get to the first documented encounters with the Violent Gods? That's my plan right now, I think.

 

 

Sorry, I'm reading this over and over, and try as I might... I don't understand what the hell you're going for lol. Can you explain the problem/your direction a little more clearly or differently?

I have to join here. Where is the problem of being lost in warp and others knowing, that they are traitors later on? Sometime you, more or less, have to decide if they are loyal or traitors, if you wish for them to ever coming back out of the warp. If they never come back, where is the problem of Kehan knowing about it? He stays loyal he dies.

 

Or do you want it like: The Imperium finds the ship later with the whole crew missing and the logs are the only knowledge of what happend but it ends with a "cliffhanger". And only the Violent Gods and us allmighty storytellers know that they changed their allignement? - If so then the easiest way would be to write the last log like: "I know something is wrong with Jaruk, maybe he worship {insert chaos god}. I have to find evidence." And then years later the Imperium encounters the vessel after a battle against the new Traitorwarband Violent Gods.

 

 

Hey, thanks for your input, and see my above reply to Draakur. The problem is just that I really, really want this report to be new information to the Silver Skulls (if the Inquisition ever even allows them to find out) just as much as it is new information to the researchers here who have put together this little report and the person to whom they send it. They got the captain's logs, assumed it got lost in a warp storm, and didn't make much of the whole situation, until now of course, when someone in the Inquisition has requested this information to put these two stories together.

 

I worry that I would ruin some of the plausibility of the warband by making them known traitors to a well-known chapter with lots of resources (esp. given their close relationship to Ultramarines and UM successors). Presumably they would get hunted down pretty quickly and have their skulls taken back to Varsavia. And of course, after this report, they very well still might, if the recipient decides that the best course of action is to deal with these guys by letting the Silver Skulls know and they hunt this band of corrupted deserters down.

 

Although I suppose it's possible that I could just make this downed cruiser the piece of evidence and get all of the story of Jaruk's treason in that way? I have already assumed so far that they have access to resources more than just the cruiser they took over and left with, so why not down this one, log it into Imperial records, and get my evidence of Jaruk's downfall in through the official report of the investigation of the ruined ship, covered in ritual altars, skulls, etc.? If so, I think that could work.

 

 

Saying he straight up worships whatever Chaos god is a bit too forward, in my opinion. From what I know, the citizens of the Imperium don't know a whole, if anything, about the Warp or what resides within. I'd even wager a solid few bucks the Space Marines themselves don't fully comprehend the difference between the powerful dieties residing in that realm... Besides maybe the Librarians.

I'd rather reserve my verdict until the Index finally concludes and give my thoughts. For now, the relatively innocent mystique prods a bit at my own curiosity.

 

Yeah I'd rather not have that set in stone. Of course, it's just the job of the Ordo Hereticus to assume the worst, but I agree, and want the reader to be in the dark about the specifics of the heresy, even if it is still technically heresy. 

 

 

 

Thanks everyone for trying to make sense of my admittedly frantic last post. I think I've got an idea how to get out of the jam I think I'm in. 

 

I'll work it out and post it soon, as well as an Author's Foreword, as per NightrawenII's suggestion in the Iron Angels thread. Hopefully that way we can all be in agreement on where I'm at and what I have vs. what I'm going for.

 

Thanks everyone for your effort and please do give me more of your thoughts if you have them, as they have been very helpful and motivating. 


Edited by bloodhound23, 28 March 2017 - 06:43 PM.


#18
bloodhound23

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Brilliant stuff so far, I love this insidious way of portraying traitors, less is definitely more in terms of information about them.

In terms of progression, how about some transmission comes through regarding a mustering of forces for a local crusade that they where meant to join but instead of joining, they go elsewhere, deeper into the warp perhaps at Jaruks insistence. Then, taking his leave, Jaruk claims he's going to consult the tarot and runes further.

Unable to quell his suspicions the Captain sends the Sgt to discreetly follow Jaruk but maybe the Sgt goes missing following that? Maybe he joins Jaruks, maybe he was in on it all along, maybe he was sacrificed, I'll leave it to you to weave the mystery msn-wink.gif

Edit: spelling

 

Hey- I suppose I missed your response when I wen to follow up just now. Whoops!

 

Thanks very much for saying so. I'm glad everyone like the approach of minimal information. 

 

I do need something specific for the events in between the first two logs, as well as before the first one, which is where I think what you've suggested would fit in. Though that part of the story hasn't been my focus of late, I do think I need to have some explanation that sets up more of how they got there and how Kehan ends up getting duped, as I don't want to leave it looking like he's a sucker. And I think your suggestions are pretty perfect for that, so I thank you.


Edited by bloodhound23, 28 March 2017 - 06:51 PM.

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#19
Badass_Spaz

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So, how comes the updates? I'm intrigued to see where you're leading the Traitors to... That, and I figured I'd bump your topic to the top least you dwell on the second page. Curse be upon the second page. Hehe



#20
bloodhound23

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Spaz-

 

I have been inspired by your bump.

 

I am currently polishing off the last of this round of updates that have (unfortunately) come a bit more slowly than I would have liked.

 

More tomorrow when I am not too tired to effectively edit.



#21
Badass_Spaz

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Phew, for a second there I thought you might have lost motivation. Me and my new roommate read what you have, so far, and we're currently tapping our feet waiting for another update. No need to rush or anything I just needed to be ask if we'd get some delicious heresy in the near future.



#22
bloodhound23

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Update!

 

I definitely need to properly format it. I definitely need to fix some tense errors (I go from present to past in a few places). In terms of content however, this is essentially my submission of a rough draft. 

 

So a few things I'm wondering, and that I need everyone's help for:

 

1. Is it plausible?

 

2. Is it full enough? Or, is it too full in places?

 

3. Is it internally consistent?

 

4. Is it fun?

 

5. Is it interesting?

 

 

Thanks everyone in advance. 


Edited by bloodhound23, 20 April 2017 - 03:53 AM.


#23
Draakur

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Going to be brief here, time restricted, sorry brother.

1. Yep

2. I think you repeat too often that the author does, in fact, believe the Aevum is this same ship they're seeing again now. Feel like that concept is reasserted something like 5-6 times or something? Just feels like you keep beating us over the head with it a bit more than is necessary :P

3. After some changes on your part now, yes, from what I can tell it is.

4. Is it grimdark is a better question :P But yes, I think so.

5. Definitely. The concept itself is fine of course, but the interesting side of this is in no small part due to the writing perspective/format you've chosen and executed fairly well so far, in my opinion :)
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ATTACK is the only order worth remembering

#24
bloodhound23

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Draakur-

Thanks for your feedback.

1. Haha. I do, in fact, do that too often.

Reason likely being that I am a philosophy student and I have presented basically a treatise. Philosophical writing tends to emphasize clarity, and not always tastefully. I'll go back and clear those up.

 

 

 

EDIT: I have cleaned those instances up, a long with a few deletions towards the end of streamlining. I do think I need to make them *scarier* somehow.


Edited by bloodhound23, 21 April 2017 - 03:00 PM.


#25
Lysimachus

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I like these very much, the presentation certainly makes for an enjoyable change! Perhaps if you want to make them more scary, focus on the first encounter with them, highlight the nasty things they did?

 

I also think the transmitted recordings of the Skulls Captain's log could be a nice opportunity to give the whole thing a 'ghost story' vibe? At the moment, the log builds up nicely and then the last entry is all 'my mistake, nothing to see here'. I'm guessing this might be that Jaruk has taken over and impersonated the Captain, but if that is the case it might not hurt to spell that out - maybe as an addendum by the investigator saying he doesn't trust the last entry?

 

As an aside, are you particularly attached to the name? While I like the cool Gothic/Latin-ish version, the 'Violent Gods' doesn't quite roll off the tongue (imho). What about turning it around a bit - the Gods of Rage/Fury might flow better?

 

That said, focussing on their anger/fury/rage might also add to the scariness factor, maybe they've gone all kinds of brutal overkill on the worlds they've attacked?


Edited by LySiMachus, 21 April 2017 - 03:39 PM.






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Iron Gauntlet 2017, Liber Astartes, Index Traitoris, Index Astartes

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