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Index Astartes: Dalthus Crusade (Criticism Welcomed)

Primaris Black Templar Calaxis

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#1
Schlitzaf

Schlitzaf

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Black Templars Dalthus Crusade
Motto: "We Shall Not Falter" by Chaplain Marius of the Dalthus Crusade
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Table of Contents
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Spoiler


History
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Spoiler


Forces of the Dalthus Crusade
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Spoiler



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Old Version
Spoiler

Edited by Schlitzaf, 15 February 2018 - 02:56 PM.

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#2
Conn Eremon

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Nice to see a Black Templar Crusade make its way down to the Liber. Some good concepts, the sector itself feels very fleshed out. Since Calixis is from FFG, I'm not sure how much of it is of your own design or theirs, but either way it's a good setting for the Crusade.

 

I have a couple questions regarding the Twin Marshals. The first one is why are they both the same rank, when it seems like in practice there's really only one in command and the other his second? I love the idea of twins somehow both making it through the initiate process and rising through the ranks, but the article shows that there is a hierarchy where the eldest twin has the greater authority.

 

The second question is regarding the other twin's mutation. Namely, that both his mutation and the corruption of their Chaplain felt far too quick to happen. For Marius, it's that no detail is given on the matter of his fall. In one scene, he's one of the most exceptionally Emperor-devoted men in a Chapter already known for their exceptional devotion to the Emperor. In the next, he's a frothing at the mouth heretic. For the twin's mutation, it felt very unnecessary and too convenient. Why not say from the beginning that the Inquisitor is a psyker? The Templar might not like her because of it, but it's not like they can so easily turn on an Inquisitor like they might want to. And if she is a psyker, why did she strike the twin with a mutative spell? Why didn't she simply send a bolt of power at Marius, which would have been even more likely to turn the tide? It also seems like the Crusade's acceptance of the mutation feels very out of character, especially for the Black Templar. Suffer not the unclean to live.

 

I can see you've already got the model converted, so this is probably going to be something you stick to and that's fine. At the end of the day, this is always your army and your choice.

 

As for the Primaris, the mixed gene-seed does not need to be an issue. As you describe it, the Primaris feel less like a Chapter reinforcement, as in Primaris Marines showing up in Black Templar colors, and more a Crusade reinforcement, as in the Primaris remain an allied force. They're still Greyshields, not Black Templar.


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#3
Schlitzaf

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Several things, from out of story prospective the wings were simply because I did not own a Space Marine jetpack. And the moment that inspired by some events in a game that couldn't happen mechanically (we realized this hindsight). And it was the adaption I decide to do for the story prospective. 2nd the Inquistor reveal, was because back in 4th/5th edition I took a Lord Inquistor with a Physic Hood. However in 6th-7th edition the Inquistor lost the ability to deny powers without being Pyskers. So if you have an idea how I could better adapt that I would be all ears.

And in regards to Marius, his pre-fall time represented 4th Edition Era. After 4th edition I never took a Chaplain, so his fall from grace is represented by that. And the fact the Chaos army I was working on during that time was Vanilla Heretic and Renegades. (And Marius was gonna to use the rules of Arkos.) Infact you can seem some hints to Marius alliegiancs or concepts in the Crusade's Heraldic Symbolism. However I have to yet to fully define and represent how I want Marius role in the story. And am willing to hear some ideas. If I wanted him to have always been secretly a traitor and working to corrupt the Crusade from the start or he was turned after his 'death' on Guytoga. And if I go under always secret traitor, the whole fitting with his presumed original allegiance (vaguely Alpha Legion), the concept he was trying to make the Dalthus Crusade stronger by mentoring it to have two leaders. Or have it been trying to corrupt or weaken it from within.

That said as noted above beside Marius vague fall and his modus operandi post fall being Alpha Legion like nothing is really set in stone. The other option is to the heretic astartes not be Marius and instead use his visage for the same effect.

And in regards to the lore beside Cloister being a chapter keep this is all of my own invention. And for why the Twins are both Marshalls. It's a first among equals scenerio. And the younger one defers to his brother, to avoid any conflict and civil war in the Crusade. If have moments or thoughts I could better emphasis that I'd all ears. Additionally the article focuses more on the strategic aspect of the Crusade. Tactically the younger one is more often in charge.

Edited by Schlitzaf, 23 July 2017 - 01:05 AM.

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#4
Schlitzaf

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Some basic editing and revising. I also added sections on the enemies of Dalthus Crusade, explaining some of Marius and Warboss Rafka with Rafka due for some more information on them. Hopefully this appreciably deals with the issue of Marius fall.
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#5
Schlitzaf

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I have updated the thread there will be a couple new pictures incoming, as well as hopefully a picture of my 2,000 Point list. To provide an example of one of my Crusaders various division and separations. Before I begin another update (focusing more on the actual Crusade logistical organization and explanation of the Heraldic Symbols; The Serpent Aquila, as well provide a background on the two other heraldic symbols of the Crusade. The Wolf-Dragon and Lion-Eagle, which each correspond to the Twins.) any comments or critiques?
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#6
Schlitzaf

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Some updates edits and new additions, and a picture of a poorly painted army. Likely have some additional edits, to make and work on. But for now this is another version.

 

Areas for Revision

Inquisitors

Twin's

Symbolism

History (some basic touch up)

The misc sections be better organized to follow thematic flow

 

Any thoughts before I begin the rewrite?


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#7
Schlitzaf

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First third of rewrite one, major armies and factions within the Dalthus Crusade and their allies is now up
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