Malakye Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Brought my fiance' into a GW, walked out with daemonettes she wanted to paint.....if they ever release plastic sisters she would jump on it as she loves my Celestine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinstryfe Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Yeah the issue isn’t me trying to get her ‘in’ to the hobby, it’s that I spend any of my waking time on it at all. She doesn’t want me to go out and play a game ever now. She didn’t marry the kind of person that plays video games and has these kind of hobbies she says. I don’t play computer games at all anyway, this was my release and it’s now haram. I don't mean any of this, at all, in any less than genuine way, in case it comes off a questionable. That's the kind of thing that can be toxic to a relationship, when one partner wants to control another's interactions with others and activities. It sounds as if she finds the hobby beneath her, and is making a definitely judgement about you as a result. Is she the type willing to have honest discussion about this? If not, from my personal experiences I would recommend considering couples therapy or counseling, assuming that giving up things you enjoy just at her say so is something you don't intend to do (which, given your posting here, is likely a safe assumption). I could rattle on and on, but don't want to make assumptions about the relationship. Just remember that communication is key, otherwise nothing ever truly gets resolved. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiceGuyAdi Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 What Kinstryfe said. We’re all in dangerous waters as it’s quickly getting away from constructive criticism on your hobby and closer to constructive/deconstructive criticism on your marriage which none of us know you well enough to have a right to do. But from what you’ve said, Tamika, that sounds a bit like there could be a control issue that you two need to work out between the two you, or through someone who knows what they’re doing. Is your hobby the cause of a problem, or just a symptom of one? [edit] just want to reiterate my second paragraph comes from someone who knows know more about you than the two paragraphs I’ve read in this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claws and Effect Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Yikes. That doesn't sound healthy for a relationship. Disapproval can be mollified by explanation that it's something you enjoy. If she's absolutely forbidding you from doing something that makes you happy and is otherwise pretty harmless, that sounds like a more serious problem than anyone on the B&C can help you with. My wife only has an issue with how much money I've spent. Which is strange to me, as she has more points worth of Tyranids than I have of Raven Guard...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishagu Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Your wife sounds small and closed minded. To insult something as she did, completely failing to see what the hobby is about. Disappointing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Servant of Dante Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I know I’m not a mod and I can’t claim experience in terms of marriage but I would like to reiterate that it is not fair or productive to make judgements of the OP’s spouse in this setting. That being said, I wish you luck, Tamika. This sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I guess my initial response would be to want to talk the issue out, but that’s easier said than done and of course you know your situation better than any of us. Basically what Kinstryfe said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebulon Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Just to add another voice in the crowd, really sorry to hear this and I’m sure you’re not alone in this situation. I am just glad that my wife is fairly supportive of my hobbying (not that I get a lot of time for it mind) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ogun Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 That is a very difficult situation. If you choose to talk to her about this, possibly one way of approaching this is to emphasise why you are doing it, rather than what you are doing. You mentioned that it was a way to let off steam. Maybe emphasise that you find painting an enjoyable way of exercising your creativity, and gaming a fun social activity with friends. Framing the hobby in this way might help her to appreciate both its benefits and importance to you personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iron Father Ferrum Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Building off what Ogun said, if it comes to a serious discussion, push the social angle. I was lucky in that my wife is fairly accepting of the hobby itself (if not the spending), but when I was young my parents certainly did not approve. What brought them acceptance of it was my commentary that "this is what I do to have fun with my friends." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryan Blaire Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Tamika, I can't speak to the nature of your relationship, but from what you have said, your wife is at least partially right - you have said that you got into the hobby after you were married, so she apparently didn't marry someone who played video games/other games. That said, a good marriage has to be one where the partners at least accept growth and change in the other. Regarding the "toys" comment though: almost everything guys have are "toys" in some fashion - if you aren't doing something professionally, you're probably playing. I've got lots of types of toys: power tools, golf clubs, 40K miniatures, video games, etc. I've got a friend who's toy is his motorcycle, although he says that's more his wife and his spouse is just the gal he lets ride her with him. You COULD be out spending a lot more money in the company of people engaged in negative activities. I can't tell you how to "fix" anything, I lost a relationship in part because of my hobby stuff and she decided to go down a bad road because I wouldn't let it go (after all, it's been something I've been a part of since 2nd Edition), so if the two of you can't resolve it alone, I'd definitely echo the call to get to counseling. Hopefully a professional will be able to assist, and that may be the only way you can gauge an honest view of if your relationship is salvageable, if neither of you will compromise. Another angle with her could be "If you don't want me 'playing with' toy armies, then I need up to be wiling to finance me an army of actual power armored super soldiers..." You definitely need to consider her in all of this though, if you aren't giving her equal time, effort, and support, then that's something to work on. Also, if you are equally dismissive of anything she does/is in to, then maybe that's why she isn't feeling it is okay to tell you what she has. Maybe a past relationship of her's was or something. I wish you luck and hope the two of you can work on all of this together so that both of you can be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okonomiyakimarine Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 looking at it from another angle (after talking to the wife). Maybe it is also a question of what the hobby represents to her and hence how she sees herself presented (through your interest) towards a greater outside world. I do not know you and your relationship, but i do not think discussing her view is productive in any way. I would rather suggest to consider how much time you like to pour into the hobby and how much time you two spend with things that are specific for you two as a couple. They say marriage is about compromise, but the way I see it you want to consider it as positive-feedback system, so marriage is about finding enjoyable quality time with something you both value equally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shockmaster Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I have found in my personal experience that people have a negative view of wargaming until they really discover what it is all about, especially the full creative hobby that goes on behind the rolling dice but that unfair negative opinion can probably be said to exist for many hobbies that others have that we might not understand. I know I am a hypocrite because whenever comic books or comic book movies come up in discussion at my local club I in a good natured jokey way explain I have not seen or read them as I am a grown up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slave to Darkness Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Does she watch the Big Bang Theory? If she does ask her what she thought about the way Penny treated Leonard at the start with his 'childish nerdy indulgences'. ++EDIT++ I really hope you can get past this without leaving the hobby or her, stuff like this makes me sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Sefiel Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Hey GreetingsTo be fair, I can see her point. You like the food in Bugmans as well then? Never eaten there.To some people playing with little metal men, especially in a pew-pew lazors science-fiction setting will always seem childish. There are certainly plenty of superficial and childish aspects to it.As someone who has spent rather a large fraction of the last few decades in that universe, even writing silly stories about his little metal toys, I'm happy enough to wear the man-child label. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain_Krash Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Divorce sounds good to me. Krash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slave to Darkness Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Hey Greetings To be fair, I can see her point. You like the food in Bugmans as well then?Never eaten there. To some people playing with little metal men, especially in a pew-pew lazors science-fiction setting will always seem childish. There are certainly plenty of superficial and childish aspects to it. As someone who has spent rather a large fraction of the last few decades in that universe, even writing silly stories about his little metal toys, I'm happy enough to wear the man-child label. You should try the food, I hear its amazing. Yet to sample the fine food myself. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother-Chaplain Kage Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Whoa, all kinds of marital advice and judgments with only a tiny bit of information from only one side? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishagu Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I will openly say I take a dim view of dismissive people. She's openly against the hobby and mocks it. What's her hobby? Reality TV?! This is an artistic, social and competitive experience with a great community. Dismissing it is ignorant. Taking a negative view is unwarranted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sete Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Whoa, all kinds of marital advice and judgments with only a tiny bit of information from only one side? Well let's ask the OP wife to make an account and share her views with us. ;) But considering we are childish people, she might not be inclined to do so :D Maybe the OP just needs to vent a bit. But ultimately it's his problem, and it's something he will have to sort out with his wife if it is an issue/obstacle in their marriage. What we can provide is experiences and opinions with the Info available. I trust the OP to have a good judgement and not divorce her because Krash said so. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Sefiel Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Hm I will openly say I take a dim view of dismissive people.She's openly against the hobby and mocks it. What's her hobby? Reality TV?!This is an artistic, social and competitive experience with a great community. Dismissing it is ignorant. Taking a negative view is unwarranted. That seems to be unnecessarily dismissive. Perhaps she'd take a dim view of it.What if she's dedicated to a charity that make a difference to real people's lives? To someone like that, this could reasonably seem embarrassingly trivial.To me this will always be a somewhat childish, neckbeardy, and sometimes embarrassing experience, with a community that I often disagree with for any number of reasons, occasionally mitigated by some aspect of painting, narrative or philosophy that I approve of. I accept its imperfections, just as others seem to accept mine. I enjoy it for my own reasons, as everyone should, and I refuse to get offended just because someone else doesn't like it.Dismissing her without knowing much about her definitely appears ignorant, and the negativity of your comment seems unwarranted to me. I might utterly disagree with her if I met her or heard what she said directly, but I haven't, so she gets the benefit of the doubt... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slave to Darkness Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 This is an artistic, social and competitive experience with a great community. Nah mate, its a load of oversized manchildren playing with toy soldiers, and I wouldnt want it any other way!!! :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rendingon1+ Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I will openly say I take a dim view of dismissive people. She's openly against the hobby and mocks it. What's her hobby? Reality TV?! This is an artistic, social and competitive experience with a great community. Dismissing it is ignorant. Taking a negative view is unwarranted. You're still playing with war dollies man. No matter how many good sounding words you use to describe it. Haven't seen your models but don't get too high on "artistic" thing. +1 for you if you sculpt your own models which I doubt. As for community it entirely depends - from all my hobbies (which is for example fencing or football) I can sincerely say that wargaming communities are the most toxic and childlish. Arguing for hours about rules, taking personal offence in someone's else interpretation of fluff etc. Also extremely annoying fanboyism (such as yours). Also insulting OP's wife is super low. Hobby is a personal thing to anyone. I don't need my GF to applaud my plastic dudes army, she undenstands and accepts that this is my "weird personal area". I'am more than happy for people who's other half enjoys/supports wargaming hobby but I think it's tottally understandable when they're not. There's also an issue og hobby getting in a way of real life, but that's completely different matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guiltysparc Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I think it's sad when people disparage others interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishagu Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I will openly say I take a dim view of dismissive people. She's openly against the hobby and mocks it. What's her hobby? Reality TV?! This is an artistic, social and competitive experience with a great community. Dismissing it is ignorant. Taking a negative view is unwarranted. You're still playing with war dollies man. No matter how many good sounding words you use to describe it. Haven't seen your models but don't get too high on "artistic" thing. +1 for you if you sculpt your own models which I doubt.As for community it entirely depends - from all my hobbies (which is for example fencing or football) I can sincerely say that wargaming communities are the most toxic and childlish. Arguing for hours about rules, taking personal offence in someone's else interpretation of fluff etc. Also extremely annoying fanboyism (such as yours). Also insulting OP's wife is super low. Hobby is a personal thing to anyone. I don't need my GF to applaud my plastic dudes army, she undenstands and accepts that this is my "weird personal area". I'am more than happy for people who's other half enjoys/supports wargaming hobby but I think it's tottally understandable when they're not. There's also an issue og hobby getting in a way of real life, but that's completely different matter. I haven't insulted anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rendingon1+ Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 I haven't insulted anyone. Your wife sounds small and closed minded. To insult something as she did, completely failing to see what the hobby is about. What's her hobby? Reality TV?! Yes, you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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