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WoL: XIIIth Legion - Dawn's Shield

War of Light WoL AU XIII Legion 13th Legion XIIIth Legion Hopes Bastion

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#1
chapter master 454

chapter master 454

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XIIIth Legion: Dawns Shield

                                                  gallery_41387_14132_21001.pnggallery_41387_14132_18484.pnggallery_41387_14132_21001.png

 

Legion Name: Dawn's Shield

Legion Number: 13

Legion Size: 75,000

Tactics: Siege

Primarch: Reolius Dawn

Homeworld: Hope (located near/in the Ghoul Stars)

Battlecry:

 

 

Due to the radical upheaval of the AU I have taken away the prior information regarding the legion. I do however have it saved to my computer to keep my own copy of it.


Edited by chapter master 454, 11 October 2018 - 10:37 PM.

http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
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#2
Jagus Kumkani

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It will all come with time, but it's a good start! looking forward to seeing what you write next!


"We are noble of purpose, but are savage of heart. Do not mistake our somewhat prodigal nature for weakness. For we will paint our golden forms red with your flesh and bones whelp!" - Vusumuzi Chief Jabu Kosan, [Vusumuzi Honor Guard, 1st Pride, Xth Legion]

 

http://www.bolterand...golden-jaguars/

 

Writing Blog: https://fantasybrain...m.blogspot.com/


#3
chapter master 454

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Updated to their new name


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#4
Erasus

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Hello Reolius!

 

I have come to bring darkness and misery! . . . . and questions!

I understand the intent here to be as positive as possible, my questions unfortunately do not come from the same point of view. So!

 

1) The Aquila on the Armour wasn't formally added to the Legions until after the Heresy, the exception being the Emperor's Children who carried out a lot of emissary duties, are the Enforcer's a similar exemption? or is this a mistake?

 

2) I imagine the Enforcers were only used on the most stubborn and potentially dangerous resistance groups? Seems a waste of Astartes otherwise. Does this mean the Enforcers have an intel network or do they use the Imperium's intel and attack the targets identified?

 

3) If they were so against this 'tyranny' why not try to do things different? Utilise tactics that aim for leaders and try to avoid mass casualties? Using hit-squads similar to the Alpha Legion's Headhunters?

 

4) The way the homeworld was written was confusing for me, but I'm not here to critique that, I imagine that will be worked on later. My questions are more about how Reolius makes things better.

- So for starters how does Reolius gain a massive turnaround? Building shops or allowing shops to set up independently and taxing their earnings would bring some back but not loads as its essentially whatever Reolius put in in the first place, you're minimising costs not gaining profits, you need trade from outside groups to make these profits and the rivals would stop that once they stop liking Reolius. Would happier workers produce much more ore and such? probably not to the scale suggested here.

- Are the workers not slaves then? Since they can freely quit their jobs and move over, why did they never riot or unionise to cripple their overlords?

- Do none of the rivals take efforts to stop workers leaving? Enforcers, shut down tunnels, incentives so on

- Do none of the rivals employ corporate espionage? Sabotage, propaganda, planned rioting among Reolius' workforce so on

- During the war, why do Reolius' armies have greater gear and tactics? The rivals have equally knowledgeable miners for tunneling, and more cash to spend on equipment as Reolius has to spend it on the ever-growing workforce. The enforcers of the rivals might be better trained too as they're used to combating unruly miners. Reolius' soldiers have never seen combat because they're so peaceful.

 

I'm not saying he can't take over using hope and selflessness, just that how he does it here is far too easy and convenient and I recommend changes.

I know this is a 'hopeful' and 'noblebright' origin but unless you want people to nitpick like I have then I suggest either bringing it to be more balanced or making it more brief and cutting extra details out, like exactly how he gets profits or how workers move over. 

I understand your viewpoint on 'not everything needs to be depressing' because it is unbelievable, but having a 'he did the nice thing and more nice things happened as a result, which led to this other nice thing and everything got better' is equally unbelievable. Sorry if that's blunt.

 

5) Doe the Emperor's Enforcers only rename to Dawn's Shield after the War of Light commences? Speaking of, why did Reolius keep the name Dawn? There's no mention of his father being a nice guy so why keep his legacy and rename the Legion after him?

 

 

That's it for now, overall I think there is a very strong idea here. I love the idea of Reolius being a shield or 'Bulwark' to protect the weak. The safety of the people is their ultimate goal and I can imagine them taking some heavy hits in exchange for protecting civilians, where others would accept the civilians' deaths as collateral to keep the Legion in fighting strength. I'm looking forward to seeing more of their culture post-Reolius and how they potentially reform their shield-bearing units from facing the people to shielding them.

Keep going!


Edited by Erasus, 06 January 2018 - 11:12 AM.


#5
chapter master 454

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Hello Reolius!

 

I have come to bring darkness and misery! . . . . and questions!

I understand the intent here to be as positive as possible, my questions unfortunately do not come from the same point of view. So!

 

1) The Aquila on the Armour wasn't formally added to the Legions until after the Heresy, the exception being the Emperor's Children who carried out a lot of emissary duties, are the Enforcer's a similar exemption? or is this a mistake?

 

2) I imagine the Enforcers were only used on the most stubborn and potentially dangerous resistance groups? Seems a waste of Astartes otherwise. Does this mean the Enforcers have an intel network or do they use the Imperium's intel and attack the targets identified?

 

3) If they were so against this 'tyranny' why not try to do things different? Utilise tactics that aim for leaders and try to avoid mass casualties? Using hit-squads similar to the Alpha Legion's Headhunters?

 

4) The way the homeworld was written was confusing for me, but I'm not here to critique that, I imagine that will be worked on later. My questions are more about how Reolius makes things better.

- So for starters how does Reolius gain a massive turnaround? Building shops or allowing shops to set up independently and taxing their earnings would bring some back but not loads as its essentially whatever Reolius put in in the first place, you're minimising costs not gaining profits, you need trade from outside groups to make these profits and the rivals would stop that once they stop liking Reolius. Would happier workers produce much more ore and such? probably not to the scale suggested here.

- Are the workers not slaves then? Since they can freely quit their jobs and move over, why did they never riot or unionise to cripple their overlords?

- Do none of the rivals take efforts to stop workers leaving? Enforcers, shut down tunnels, incentives so on

- Do none of the rivals employ corporate espionage? Sabotage, propaganda, planned rioting among Reolius' workforce so on

- During the war, why do Reolius' armies have greater gear and tactics? The rivals have equally knowledgeable miners for tunneling, and more cash to spend on equipment as Reolius has to spend it on the ever-growing workforce. The enforcers of the rivals might be better trained too as they're used to combating unruly miners. Reolius' soldiers have never seen combat because they're so peaceful.

 

I'm not saying he can't take over using hope and selflessness, just that how he does it here is far too easy and convenient and I recommend changes.

I know this is a 'hopeful' and 'noblebright' origin but unless you want people to nitpick like I have then I suggest either bringing it to be more balanced or making it more brief and cutting extra details out, like exactly how he gets profits or how workers move over. 

I understand your viewpoint on 'not everything needs to be depressing' because it is unbelievable, but having a 'he did the nice thing and more nice things happened as a result, which led to this other nice thing and everything got better' is equally unbelievable. Sorry if that's blunt.

 

5) Doe the Emperor's Enforcers only rename to Dawn's Shield after the War of Light commences? Speaking of, why did Reolius keep the name Dawn? There's no mention of his father being a nice guy so why keep his legacy and rename the Legion after him?

 

 

That's it for now, overall I think there is a very strong idea here. I love the idea of Reolius being a shield or 'Bulwark' to protect the weak. The safety of the people is their ultimate goal and I can imagine them taking some heavy hits in exchange for protecting civilians, where others would accept the civilians' deaths as collateral to keep the Legion in fighting strength. I'm looking forward to seeing more of their culture post-Reolius and how they potentially reform their shield-bearing units from facing the people to shielding them.

Keep going!

 

So first things first just to have it stated. The Legion I have created is meant to be built from the ground up with a different mindset that is to attempt to make the legion stand out. The mindset is the use a more positive and hopeful drive to create a legion that has become sad not because of who they are but the results that befall them. In other words: The universe as a whole being grim dark takes a toll on them in a way that doesn't diminish their hope but the sadness comes from their blindness to their own possible fate, whether willful or unknowing of this is not known. The reason for the attempt to create the legion with a different mindset is in a sense a personal reflection of myself and a frustration with some aspects of writing within not just 40k but of late. The current trend with writing is to have some dark undertone to thing, something unbeatable and unrelenting that relates to todays world and life so we can 'relate' to it and feel for it. However there are more ways of doing this other than just making 40k one grand tragedy train of vain attempts. To me this drive for grim dark almost feels like people want to be depressed and almost feels like it breeds depression, something that I do not suffer and great deal of but have to cope with in my family. To create something in 40k that in a sense is born of the mold of grim dark feels like I would just be furthering an aspect of this darkness, the malign issue that I see that is worse than anything, I would say that I hate it more than an inquisitor hates chaos or xenos. To this end I build the Dawn's Shield with a resolute steadfast position that this legion must represent, act and have been at least to some extent a success. Something that actually did something in 40k that mattered. I will refuse to allow anything to ultimately crush the light my legion would represent as that would be admitting to something far greater than just critique: it would be admitting that depression can't be beaten (in my eyes). For me, I have grown weary of 40k's grim dark theme and have for a long time begun to get bored of the lore. A lot of it is really cool but I can't help but make one complaint: it never amounts to anything unless it is for xenos or chaos. I have enjoyed the return of Gulliman, the appearance of primaris as they stand for something I can enjoy: Hope. They represent a new future. That is what I want to carry in the Dawn's Shield through they rather over the top and heavily inspired style. I must sound pretentious but it is how I feel, I get annoyed every time someone complains about 40k "not being grim dark enough" yet they don't see what that means. Tyranids already effectively are the end of all things, Necrons once fully awake will wreck everything, orks are everywhere even beyond the milky way and chaos will forever exist until the very end of existence and emotion. How much grim dark do they want? For the Imperium to be destroyed, the Emperor killed and not return and for the galaxy to be a giant war between only chaos and xenos with no humans in sight?

Sorry but I had to get that out of my system. As the author of this legion I intend to be somewhat vehement on making the legion different. I don't want a 'flawed hero' in the sense of a flaw that comes about by itself. I am ok with Reolius' flaw being his strength: overwhelming hope. It works and would be fitting of grim dark to turn it against him but at the same time it does push him forward. It is what gives him strength and ability to win. He is the Primarch of the 13th legion, cursed in number to an ill fate but with hope they will defeat it or be annihilated by it. It is something I want to use, my favourite number is 13, I take it as a monkier even in my forum name (4+5+4=13) and I often take the saying most would say and state "13, lucky for me". My legion is in it's infancy and has to grow by huge leaps to get anywhere but enough prattle from me. On to your questions.

 

1. Aquila on the armour in the image isn't really meant to be there however I think it may be a fitting image for them as they are a form of ambassador. Just a little more forceful than most to those who thought the terms of joining were open door. To be honest it is likely they do not have it in their final image and will have something else on it however that comes down to whatever chapter generator allows me to add really.

 

2. They are dispatched as needed to quell rebellions. The Imperium will take note of these uprisings and send the Enforcers if needed for whatever reason which can be several. A small rebellion may receive the wrath of the enforcers due to it being an important world for whatever reason be it resources, factories or possibly a key location for moving around the Imperium as a whole. Larger rebellions will naturally receive the Enforcers as an initial force followed by the proper organisations to fully eradicate the issue. Other than these roles, they will be deployed to front line battles when needed.

 

3. Not given the resources nor the time for such things. The Emperor wanted obedience from his subjects and he would not be kind with it. If you rose up against him expect his ire and thus he had the Enforcers made to be a brutal tool. After all there are better ways of getting information from someone but torture is part effective tool part mental warfare. For the Emperor, a brutal crushing of rebellious people would help stick in their minds that doing so is fruitless as the force he commands is this powerful. The idea is is to send a message, not be gentle. He sees it as a means to prevent further rebellion because that way it helps self enforce if people will then after take care of rebels because they don't want to be caught up in another massacre. Similarly, the Enforcers were also under a similar rule from the Emperor with no choice but to follow orders. They didn't like it but not exactly had a choice in the matter.

 

4. This is a complicated topic. The main thing here you are asking is for me to go into great depth of the world ITSELF and not just in general which to my belief would fill a novel to explain the planet and the Primarch's upbringing and tactics which would then require deep understanding of several facets of business and so on for such a thing. The idea of this section is to give the TL:DR version of the events rather than going too deep into them. After all, going too deep into this section would inflate things greatly and while I think it would be awesome for this project to one day have a spin-off project or possibly a sub-project that is a form of the Horus Heresy series where each primarch may even have their own novel, it is not the goal of the initial project as far as I know (but that is open to me being corrected. I have been many times). To say the least, to develop all the reasons for the questions raised would just cause needless inflation of lore that i would feel becoming tedious and boring rather than interesting for most. After all, this is supposed to act like a section out of a codex (and extended section most likely) rather than a full book or novel by itself. Sorry if I kind of dismiss your question but I feel the details there will ether be ironed out over the course of improving the legion or will not be ultimately important enough to warrant putting into the legions own page (and would be more deserving of a short story possibly detailing the events that took place on Hope).

 

5. They Re-Name upon the discovery of their Primarch as he takes full control of them. From there, the legion gains someone who has power and the ability and knowledge on how to quell rebellions more peacefully. It is possible at this point Reolius would give the legion the ability to perform what you mentioned earlier: Hit squads and more targeted attacks on rebel circles rather than broad strokes across the population. Prior to having him, they didn't have anyone who had such tactical acumen however Reolius does (and it may be something I might consider in his actual lore, after all it may be during his upbringing within his father's company he gets a chance to quell a worker uprising and does so with more subtle methods than what his father may of employed. Note this does hint at what you asked: there may of been some less nice things going on. Don't worry, Hope doesn't stray too far from the grimdark workplace!).

On top of that, his father was not the nicest man however he did give Reolius a home, food and education. He has a appreciation for this and the hospitality he received despite not being his father's biological son. Reolius keeps his name for this reason and in his mind even likes the name as it is something he finds inspirational.

 

I hope this answers some of your questions and I hope I wasn't too stubborn but it can be difficult to answer questions that go on such broad topics. So sorry if details are light but I am still working on getting the legion into order. Everyday I see numerous posts in the discord and I feel like I need to get a move on. Don't want to fall by the way side...do that enough as it is.


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#6
chapter master 454

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Massive overhaul of the planet, Hope. Looking to see what others think, other feedback for it. Note I also split the planet's description and Reolius' arrival apart as both deserve their own section


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#7
chapter master 454

chapter master 454

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Doing a bump to get the legion back up on the front here. Got a small piece done regarding the first captain and would like some feedback if possible. Want to try this part out and maybe work on some other things for the legion as I go.

 

Also...currently got some stand-in formatting since there was an update sometime that broke my beautiful headers T.T


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#8
chapter master 454

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I put this in the first post of my legion to keep it all in one place but I suppose for those wondering what might be updated when I will make it a thing to post a reply with the update and put the update in the main post.

 

This is something I was toying with for my first captain of my legion. Let me know what you guys think

 

First Captain's Regrets

 

During the long time the First Captain of the Emperor's Enforcers, he has had to act out many purges and brutal massacres. He had seen some of his brothers do similar deeds, sometimes the Enforcers were supported by other legions who helped take care of the population and none seemed troubled by their acts, not that he could tell if any harboured any sort of regret.

This emotion troubled him. Why did he feel a twist in his gut whenever he thought about killing these people, the only fear present was that of those at the end of his sword or boltgun? Why did his mind become so loud when the only noise that he knew was there was the burning pile of bodies? Nothing could best him, he was one of the Emperor's finest who lead those who knew no fear and would never yield yet something inside him, something more core than the indoctrinated thoughts and mental states kept him from having a clear mind in these times of peacekeeping.

 

As the body count grew of civilians, so too did this feeling. It wasn't anger, he knew what that felt like when dealing with Xenos who thought they were better. It wasn't Joy, it was unpleasant and he knew joy when he ended lives of those who would stand against the Emperor. Was this sadness? Why does he feel sad for these people? They opposed the Emperor, they are the enemy. They are...unarmed and unable to fight back. They cannot defend themselves, they cannot have a prayer, hope nor chance even against the newest neophytes within the legion. They were ill, old and young, too ill to stand, too old to run, too young to know. No matter how hard he tried, this nagging emotion he tried to master and make submit would not yield. He had mastered all forms of war yet this emotion bested him in all fields that he attempted to defeat it at. Why would this feeling, thought and emotion not leave him alone?

 

Over time, he was able to become numb to the feeling and ignore it but it was always there, always behind every word he spoke, every action he did, there was a notion of this sadness. Each swing a sombre master stroke, each shot a sullen bolt of justice. No longer just a solemn figure that ordered executions en mass, now those orders were given with a voice that no longer held the same power it once did, the same conviction it held. He lived this lie in the Emperor's name, his service now a shackle he wore. It was not a shackle he wore in solitary but in solidarity as his legion too suffered the same nagging problem. They too continued to follow his order just as he followed the Emperor's orders.

 

It is not known when the First Captain came across his revelation but it was a turning point in the legions life during it's time as the “Emperor's Enforcers”. As other legions regained their Primarchs, he started to see their change, a change towards who they were made from and saw some legions change drastically but some were just extensions of who they were made from. The first captain thought, what if this feeling is caused by who he is related to, who is primarch really is? Is this emotion a genetic fault of his primarch? Is his primarch a sullen, sombre and sorrowful individual, a grim executioner who takes no pleasure in his duty but does so dutifully? This revelation was what gave the captain new vigour in his post, it was a way for him to alleviate this cursed emotion and while it remained now knowing what it likely meant allowed him to cope with it far more effectively along with his legion.

 

However, despite this. There was one last part of that emotion he never truly grasped. He would never learn until the arrival of his primarch. The last of the emotion he never was able to understand nor grasp: it was mourning. Mourning in sorrow for those wastefully executed. It would be this small piece that would ultimately lead to his stepping down from first captain in shame.


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#9
chapter master 454

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gallery_41387_14132_21001.png

 

Currently working on some things in my legion and one of the easy things was to play around with the legion's colours as it was considered a bit of an eye sore. I agree so did some work and wanting some feedback on this scheme.

Note: I am intending it to be like the sun, white in the middle with yellow surrounding finalling ending in orange (in this case white to gold to bronze).


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#10
Brother Tholath

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I know I have said this in the server, but I love that design and think it really gives what you are aiming for with the sun



#11
chapter master 454

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Doing an update on the lore of my legion's planet, it is only the planet bio really so don't pay attention to the other sections after it really as that is getting changed. for clarity I will post the new section here and hope to se what people think.

 

Hope is a planet far to the outreaches of what many would come to call the Imperium. Bordering where the ghoul stars lay, this planet was once a great and bustling planet of commerce and manufacturing. While not a key planet in any trade routes, the wealth of resources it had access to ensured trade came to Hope, in these times the planet was known as Delta Sierra 75 (DS75 as it was more commonly known as), allowing for great manufactorums to built and various colossal mining operations and despite these extensive resources being carved from the planet, tons by the second almost, it still retained massive reserves still untapped. However, it would be these digging machines that would be the only saving grace and these colossal areas of excavated earth would be the new villages and homes of the humans who called DS75 their home.

 

When the warp storms came, it shut down all trade. While it was a wealthy planet due to the resources it mined, it did mean the ground was rarely good for farming as any stretch of land could in fact be home to more resources and thus many instead used any land purchased to construct mining facilities and thus there were few farms built thus leading to DS75 relying on trade to bring in food for their large population of merchants and miners. With this source of food cut off, the planet soon fell into an armageddon of population as there was not enough to go around merely hours into warp storms. Within days, cannibalism became regular among the hive cities and were dark and dangerous to walk for the risk of being someone's meal. The exception came from those who, in attempt to escape ran underground and not just from their own man who lost his soul to the madness: Orks were also becoming an issue. While kept under regular culling and control, the loss of order and central structure saw to many centres of suspected ork spores become teeming with the green skins. The few farmers along with only an extremely small percentage of the population took to the only shelter they could run to: the mines and tunnels. They avoided all the open mining sites, these were quickly taken over by orks to create their war machines and weapons. Focusing on the targets in front of them, the orks took to a miniture WAAAGH! Against the feral humans on the surface who for all their loss of humanity still fought to retain their homes, seeing the greenskins as a harvest. While most of the surface humans were wiped out, some managed to cling onto the hive cities which would see never ending war within and without.

 

These bastions of rabid humans was the saving grace of those who ran underground as it meant the orks never attempted to explore the dark caves for two reasons: first was that there was a fight to be part of, thus being a magnet for orks and the second that was established was that those underground ensure any orks that came underground were killed without hesitation, eventually growing into a myth among orks they called “Da great ea'ta” who would consume any ork that dare come into his domain of the earth.

It was this time that was granted to those who went underground, those who still had humanity, were able to establish villages and towns underground. Having retreated into massive mining tunnels and caves where massive veins of resources were excavated, these areas became natural areas to build shelters, while lacking immediate resources to fully process the resources they did have the means to mine it due to the tools being available on site and those with the knowledge to work them were able to jury rig forges to turn the resources into something useful. Luckily, the farmers did not need to worry about finding water, the water tables of DS75 was one issue that many companies were adept at solving elegantly using these reservoirs to help cool their tools and thus many taps and pipes were available to water crops. These crops were not typical ones they were able to harvest on the surface with sunlight but instead were forms of fungus, carefully combed to be sure they were ork spores, and with the limited livestock brought down able to sustain itself of these fungus, it meant that food was no longer a problem.

 

This would be the status quo of DS75 which the orks would come to call “Ea'ta” in reference to their myth surrounding the same named creature they created. The humans on the surface would hold their own against the orks however they could barely be called humans, feasting on ork and human flesh with their greatest strength being this barbaric method of survival. Meanwhile underground those who had run from the carnage of the surface had managed to create a life for themselves, while not as prosperous as before they were able to kept on surviving, gradually forgetting the sun and sky of DS75 they once knew, not even the sentinels that took care of orks never got close enough to entrances to even see a glimmer light, the mining tunnel's sickly yellow light all they would ever know. Centuries would pass with this as the normal method of life. Until one special individual would arrive on DS75/Ea'ta.


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#12
chapter master 454

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Update to the arrival of the primarch

 

Several centuries would come and go before the primarch would arrive. In this time, the sky and sun would become myth. The need of survival drowning out the idea of remembering what was once their own, though in a humourous twist one would note that due to the death of the manufactorums massive production lines it would give the planet new life and skys that were literally never seen before were becoming the norm though the orks gave it little care nor did the feral beasts.

It would be considered by many in history a twist of fate. By all odds, the primarch should of landed in the care of the beasts or worse, the hands of the orks and thus promptly slain before even having a chance. However whether by luck or some other hand, the primarch's capsule impacted a very particular spot: the thinnest point between the surface and the underground. The impact of such a device is extremely violent and had little issue bursting through the layer, collapsing a large section of ground. The reason this area hadn't caved in earlier was it had no really appeal to orks, with no resources nearby and thus the most that came over this section was the errant fauna.

The capsule's arrival was of great uproar and concern along with sparking the revival of a cult that spoke of retaking the surface to once more “see the endless above”. The child was fought for by many, some claiming him to be a herald of evil and ruinous intent that would destroy them all while others preached he was a blessing and sign that things were going to change. Ultimately, those who were against the child agreed to allow those who saw the potential in the child keep him, under the pretense “he is your problem, not ours”. His adoptive father, the one who was first to stand for him, would raise him in his trade of mining and teach him how to dig solid tunnels and how to get resources without causing collapse but also teaching him about the “sky”. Having heard tales of this myth, he hadn't believed them until he saw it with his own eyes: Blue with streaming white light that seemed to invigorate the body by mere touch. He longed to see it and saw within his son that very chance for all to enjoy it. He called the child Reolius Dawn.

 

any feedback would be nice


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
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#13
TheBlindPrimarch

TheBlindPrimarch

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I like it. It's not too long and it effectively sets us up for Reolius' early years.

 

 

Creator of the Paladins of Midterra- A Second Legion Project(Link above)

Project Lead for the War of Light Alternate Universe Project-Link

Writer for the Brotherhood of the Lost Alternative Heresy Project-Link

Creator of the Vasalius 1st Terra Heredes Imperial Auxilla-Link

 


#14
chapter master 454

chapter master 454

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Update of the story with the primarch. While this is disjointed, I would rather get stuff out to ensure there is something happening than radio silence for too long. So would like feedback and if you want to see this in relation to the original part it is going with then it has been put into the original post. My main issue is now this part of the story is getting long winded and I want to find parts to cut out and down on.

 

 

As with most of the Primarchs, their growth is swift and any trade, craft or lessons would become second nature to them in short time, showing mastery beyond any other in the field. Beyond it even, Reolius would become known throughout all the underground as a prodigy. The biggest advantage he had was his restless stamina and incredible strength, able to work almost without end towards any goal put before him and often he would exceed it with great enthusiasm instilled into him by his father and the ideals of never giving up, to stand fast and protect those who couldn't protect themselves. These ideologies came from his father's combined involvement with the Cult and also being part of the security force, those responsible for not just maintaining order among those who lived underground but also patrol the tunnels, ensuring greenskins never found any of worth except death. Many times his father would patrol and feel an odd sensation, the breeze of wind coming through the tunnel and he could almost of sworn to of seen light that was not of any lamp he had seen but time and time again he held to his duty and never went further. It was this hope, this dream that he would teach into Reolius, which of it something seemed to just take in him as if it was a part of who he was naturally.

Time would pass and Reolius would become a man, a massive mountain of a man whose presence radiated hope and cheer. If there was ever a cave in, he was the first on site and last off and only leaving once all those who were trapped were freed. Though he was never able to save everyone, something that disturbed him deeply, he always kept a smile on his face and stifling tears for the lost. However his main duty was patrolling the tunnels with his father, as since he matured so fast his father was only just nearing days of retiring to clerical position, running a shop he was working on. It was in these tunnels Reolius would also feel the breeze his father talked about and to Reolius it was almost intoxicating. Headstrong and having never failed at anything he did what any child would of done: thought they knew better and went on further than he should, his father shouting after him.

 

The end of the peace the underground knew would be shattered. While Reolius did see the sky and sun, he also saw the hordes of greenskins. They also saw him. It was a mistake he would be unable to fix as normally only stray orks would go underground, wandering in out of curiosity and promptly meeting their end but now, orks having seen Reolius chased him and no longer in singles but a whole mob came running in and then the entire area of orks followed, the Waaagh! Against the Great Eata.

Reolius ran. It was melancholic for him, to have seen the sky and sun proper but at the price of what peace he knew however...he felt as if this was his calling. The sky was where he came from, and to it he would return he swore and to that, he would take back the surface. First however, he needed to protect his home. As a testament to his power, he was able to run back, outpacing orks and even his father whom he picked up on the way past. While his father scolded him, Reolius would only have a short time before the orks arrived and they needed time to prepare what was needing done. Upon returning to the town, he immediately set about collapsing the tunnel. It wouldn't be a permanent solution to the ork issue but it would give them time at least. It didn't take too much to accomplish, some blast charges in the key supports of the tunnel saw it cave in catastrophically. Now that the easy part was done, he turned to the onlookers who looked on in a strange combination of shock and panic. This would be Reolius first speech and through the respect he held in the people's hearts and a rousing speech, though it could of also been a realisation of being Do or Die, the people were with Reolius in reclaiming the surface.

 

The war for the surface

 

Those who had fled underground still retained a large quantity of technology, most of which having been reversed engineered to understand their workings more deeply by others as most who would have had died. Over the years, while weapons weren't a requirement for war, gangs still plied the tunnels at war with each other, families would have violent disputes and various vermin would require dealing with and so weren't an uncommon item, some pieces of weapon technology was even used to create mining lasers to cut through tougher layers. While only one village, it was rich in resources and soon was trading to up arm itself with word being spread, almost like a human version of a waaagh! Many towns would consider it suicide but many joined the cause, united behind the dream of seeing the surface. There were those who doubted the chances but due to how many were willingly joining the cause and thus explosing the truth of the underground, war was coming and in an indirect way, Reolius had made the call of “Join or Die” though that was never his intention.

 

The coming war was as sudden as Reolius' brash decision. The orks would of broken through the cave-in caused by the youth by the end of Terran Week but the orks were beset before they had a chance to fully excavate. Bursting forth from the tunnel, Reolius lead a desperate charge upon mining vehicles that had weapons crudely lashed to the sides and front, all letting loose. By all accounts the orks thought they were fighting other orks at first from the method the attack was conducted. The sheer shock was the winning trait, as it prevented the orks from ever really knowing what was going on and while there were losses the victory over the camp the orks had claimed for so long was one sided. Reolius had succeeded at something his people thought impossible however it faced further opposition at this point. The victory was swift and if luck held no ork would know it was done by humans but instead would look like (and be made to look like) the work of the Ork's myth. It would allow them to retreat underground once more and continue living. This notion however was of the minority as it would be rare to see Reolius beaten to the punch line regarding what to do. The people shouted out in joy and saw there a chance to reclaim the surface, they told those who wished to hide to go and hide and dig while they re-claimed their planet.

Reolius would go on to launch several of these sudden attacks from the underground on ork camps, clearing them out quickly and decisively as to not alert the entire population of orks on the planet. However he was only able to do this with smaller camps and the larger ones wouldn't be so easily overwhelmed along with the numerous ones that were positioned miles from any cave entrance. However, the reclaimed sites were valuable not just as mining but because of ork inhabitation the ground was more fertile that it was before though constant checks and clearing of ork fungus was a must. This would lead to not only more resources for weapons but primarily food that was just fungus or the like. These strikes also gave the Primarch space to expand operations for the creation of military vehicles, thankfully still within the collection of the numerous weapons the people kept when they fled underground.

 

Reolius would go on to face some embarrassing defeats. Full of surety from his conquest so far, he launched an attack on an ork encampment only to be repelled, lose most of his forces and most grievously: Alerted the orks. While only one camp, he knew now the word would spread and orks would begin to form their forces against him with only the veil of the “Ea'ta” slowing any orks thoughts of going to war. He would have to learn not to be so brash, though it was a lesson often delivered but never heeded.

Licking his wounds and thinking about how to deal with the ork camp effectively was a tricky question, for all their crude mannerisms and methods their guns were unrelenting and vicious in their power and with no cover around most it would prove suicidal to charge them again. He would think about how to deal with the problem until the solution struck him by a boy digging a tunnel whilst deep in his thoughts. Why attack head on when they could tunnel their way underneath the ork camp and not only launch a surprise attack but also bypass the orks bigger guns. The daring operation was launched and while many held reservations on it working, it would bear fruits never before seen. Unlike the other attacks that used pre-dug tunnels that knew where it was and what was around it, this attack was done somewhat blind and thus while many of the invasion tunnels did succeed many were lost or stopped due to ork structures falling into them as they came to the surface. However this only heightened the confusion and aided the attack, once more a crushing victory for Reolius who had already forgotten his lesson about brash tactics, it would be his greatest asset as well as greatest weakness.

 

While the orks were alerted of the presence of a fight now, quickly the orks were lost in hysteria as suddenly they believed their myth was now awakening and claiming any ork, not matter where they hid. Some settlements of orks were subjected to variants of the tunnelling tactic where entire areas were mined out, leaving only key support columns. These would then be blown out, sinking the entire settlement while a surface attack force would then come in ensuring no ork left alive. Soon, the orks were relegated back to being just pests that were culled from the surface regularly. This now turned Reolius' gaze to the wasteland of hell that were the Hive Cities.

 


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 


#15
Erasus

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Hail Reolius, I wrote these out before your latest post, so I understand it may not all be relevant to current fluff, bear with me, when I get a chance I'll drop some new questions ;)

1) The eagle on the Enforcer uniform, is this the Raptor’s Head that the Emperor used as his symbol in the Unification wars? Or the Aquila, the symbol of the Terran-Martian based Imperium? If the Aquila, what did they do to earn such an esteemed honour? Fulgrim gave a massive speech, what does your legion do?

2) To clarify, the Legion is not the first response is it? Unless its major threat like that Crimson Walker rebellion on Terra? I mean mortal forces would tackles rebellions first right?

3) Does this legion still part in expansion? Is its sole purpose to act as a rapid reaction force for complaint worlds? If so, why? Seems to be a waste of a legion to me . . .

4) The Riot Shields, tell me more. Are they Storm Shields? Which weren’t developed until the end of the Crusade. Are they Breacher Shields with refractor fields? Which tend to be quite rare and saved for officers in other legions? What's the deal with these shields?

5) I’m not sure the Emperor would order a legion to make a special squad of shield bearing astartes for fighting unruly mortals. I mean, I don’t think he gets that involved with the Legions, he seems to be macro focussed than micro. Also, for the same reason I don’t think he’d be ordering you to be brutal, just as long as you get the job done. I mean if he wanted brutal wouldn’t he send in a legion that is just brutal anyway?

6) Why couldn’t the Captains and Praetors not find a solution to their dilemma? Why not target the leaders and let the mob fall apart? Why not have Iterators sway the masses or incentivise the public to turn rebels in, I mean few people would be able to resist a trained Iterator, those dudes are rarer than astartes. Why not use stasis grenades rather than explosive ones? Why not use Arbites style water cannons than flamethrowers? Why not capture and execute rebels instead of killing everyone? What stopped them? Why not seek to have forge worlds produce the gear you need or ask others for the knowledge you lack? The Emperor is not a valid answer, for reasons mentioned above.

7) The wealthy DS75 didn’t stockpile any of its food? Why not? Seems incredulous

8) How did the underground people manage to kill off orks and not cause more to come? Surely ork deaths would attract more orks eager to see whats killing them, and what happened to the spores ork corpse give off? More orks would be born in the tunnels.

9) *combed to be sure they were not ork spores is what I hope that sentence means

10) Were the underground people eating the orks that the sentinels killed? If not why did the orks think something ate them?

11) I imagine the majority of the population underground were mining to create space for more people, water and livestock rather than for metals

12) Is the Discovery of the lost Primarch section still written for a previous version of Hope? It feels like it, with the focus on hostile orbits and great domes to protect the people and no orks.

13) I don’t buy that the Emperor pushed Reolius back because he was unused to hugs, he makes mistakes but he’s not a total tool, he’s a skilled diplomat. Why would Reolius want to hug him anyway? He’s a gold-plated warrior king half as tall again as Reolius. Also, did the Emperor in the OU ever act in this manner, telling the Primarchs to call him ‘creator’ and revealing he had created them through unnatural means?

14) So the 13th was brought to Hope? And Reolius never went to Terra for an education or was mentored by another Primarch? Not saying this can’t happen, just clarifying. I mean Robigus is the same but for him it mostly happens because two other primarchs are found in the same time frame, so he’s left to it.

15) Did Reolius really expect to be sent off straight away in command of a legion to bring worlds into compliance, when he knows very little of the Imperium or its ways, or even the legion he commands?

16) Quite the ego, naming the legion after himself 😉

17) Weren’t the Pacification squads used as anchors too? You mentioned something about holding off would-be assailants or something (I’m too lazy to scroll back up, my apologies.) And I remember the Pacification squads were central to Enforcer tactics too, so what’s changed? The shields still hold back attackers, the squads still form the core of order of battle, and they still form cover for units on the attack.

18) They ditch the maces? Why? They’re great for caving in ork skulls and cracking eldar ribs. What are these replaced with? If they keep the maces then what exactly did they lose? They still have their shields, their maces, their grenades and grenade launchers, its’ just other people have launchers now too.

19) A tank is faster than a marine, especially one lugging around a shield.

20) Would the ground beneath the fortress have buckled in no-one had dug beneath them?

21) I mean, the majority of siege work is overcoming the walls themselves rather than the ground they’re on. Only sapping focuses on that. So making them sap-proof wouldn’t protect them from artillery fire, or bombing or any form of battering ram or demo charge, or even scaling the walls, or flying over them. All things likely out of Reolius’ initial area of expertise until he gathers info/experience on the matter.

22) This is nitpicking, but I don’t think the Enforcers would have been the most terrifying to a civilian, I mean the Death Bringers were haunting, bloody butchers, the Soul Crushers were heartless and ruthless, the Rust Golems literally kill every man, woman and child (and any pets), the Golden Jaguars are savage in combat, the Brazen Bulls smash everything like the Enforcers did but were mad about it while they did it.

Overall, there’s a nice core concept for the legion, one that obviously comes from the same underground dens as the people of Gurren Lagaan. They’re into defence, they once had their shields facing the people now they have turned 180 to defend those people, (although obviously these won’t be the same people, as the first are insurrectionists that Reolius would still have to fight, and the latter are loyal imperial citizens who need protecting.)
I think you’ve gone in quite hard on the brutal massacre thing, I’m not sure why. Emps would likely leave Legion commanders to their own free will in how to handle the situation and would likely send in a brutal legion if he needed a brutal legion. I don’t see why they have to use brutal tactics over ones that are less brutal. For example why do they have to beat on people who are “too old to run and too young to know”? When they could target rebel leaders, shoot down enemy combatants and the like. I know legions like the Death Bringers and Rust Golems would literally kill everyone, but they didn’t mind it at the time, the Enforcers do. So why don’t they change? Emps isn’t there dictating how they should fight, he’s got better things to do than manage one legion’s affairs. So I think this needs a revision at some stage, if not to a different outcome then at least to a different cause.

Good work!

#16
chapter master 454

chapter master 454

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So, in response to some notes, this is still me forming things so thank you for such a massive amount of feedback. Really helps me find the points I want to iron out and really fix up fully.

 

So lets do some fun stuff for your sake and I will look into the other details much more in detail.

So first off: regarding orks, they burn the bodies. Due to a lack of true air flow like there would be on the surface, the only air flow you get is minimal, especially in the larger tunnels which is where most orks wonder off to which means the spores can't travel far and they do take care to cover up burn marks...just in case some sherl'ork holmes appears. They ambush the ork and torch the body. No ork goes underground really because there is fighting elsewhere with other clans to do so it isn't really them looking for a fight but more an ork wondering in by chance and over time it built a myth. Due to majority however more content with fighting the other boys, the small minority who seek glory in conquering "the great Ea'ta" often get called idiots. After all, they are hunting after some myth when they could be going out and getting into a proper fight with other boys!

 

In regards to the riot shields, these are in my vision like storm shields on steroids. Full tower shields that can cover even the tallest astartes (bar maybe a primarch) when anchored. I do have plans for these weapons to carry also various gear on it like a portable rack, though nothing silly, more just extra options like melee weapons and other such simple things, not like they are carrying a heavy boltgun on it or something (but that could be a cool variant shield...now I gotta work that in!).

 

My vision of the legion is again, very early forming and I do notice you are still paying heed to the older fluff, I really should put a partition on it just so there is a clear cut difference between new and old. I see the legion being both a defence aid and mainly used to help stop more rebellious sectors from becoming a problem. The other legions you mentioned are indeed more brutal and ruthless but they are also faster and much more suited to keeping the crusade going. In my eyes, those legions would be the spear tip while my legion is the follow up, going through sectors slowly, ensuring full control is asserted and then move on afterwards. They aren't so much stationed but more of a follow up legion on planets conquered however they are used in the frontline from time to time where speed isn't key.

As for brutality, I can see what you mean but the idea of this legions brutality isn't from anything so clear and obvious like others. The presence is scary. You would be scared of the Jaguars yes but they would be far more lively and likely to do it with a roar and shout and some display. The Enforcers do it stone faced and silent except for bolt rounds being fired. Literally the only warning of an execution happening would be the sounds of weapon fire. Otherwise you could likely go round a corner and find someone with their skull caved in from a power maul. They march upon your resistance with certainty, not hubris. Their shields making them immune to all but the most extreme of attempts and when they reach you, they won't do anything special, you aren't given some ceremonious kill, some played up event. You are outright killed with no issue made of it, often mobs of civilians won't even be fired upon, just slowly marched towards and herded into a corner to then be marched over and crushed while they continue their other actions.

The fear factor isn't in what they do, its what they don't do. Yes, the yelling of jaguars or the Bulls but...how scary is it when those who kill you don't even bother to make anything of it. Silence is deafening. That is my vision of their brutality. But it is 40k, unless you are flaying someone alive, using adrenaline to keep them awake during the process then stitching it back on to then slowly burn them to dead with a brand covered in spikes, it is hard to be brutal in 40k as it is kinda the norm.

 

As for Reolius wanting to hug the Emperor. My Primarch is (I know this is scary, worse than even the bulls and jaguars!) friendly. He is in fact overly friendly, I believe to an extent like Vulkan. He would openly hug all of his brothers if he could and would be jovial the whole time. He isn't some formal guy. Regardless of rank or who people are, he believes in hugs and finds handshakes too formal and he hates formal. Possibly can work that in from his up bringing (being the adopted son of a miner...manners and formalities aren't really a thing!)


http://www.bolterand...rk-in-progress/ my own chapter, still working on it
"The objective of playing a game is to win. The point of playing a game is to have fun. Never confuse the two"

What do you call an Imperial Guardsman with a laser sight? Twin-Linked!

 

 






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