Aftermath

[Pearson73]

Now then folks, this is my first time venturing into this area of forum, I wouldn't call myself much of a writer, though I used to like to come up with the odd idea and have decided that stretching the old muscles would certainly do no harm. This decision is, in part, prompted by the Black Library open submission, so my first piece will be a five-hundred word extract.

 

The idea of this piece, which I hope to expand, is that although the Imperium is the protagonist of the setting, they certainly cannot be considered 'the good guys' and that they can be just as, if not more so, brutal and destructive as the other factions. The story is from the perspective of a survivor of a great battle against the Imperium, struggling through the immediate aftermath, hence the name.

 

Aftermath:

 

The carnage was awful to behold, men and machines lay in bloody ruin as far as the eye could see; a vista of death stretching eternally to the horizon. In the distance, huge pyres released great columns of greasy smoke into the air, which mixed with the dense haze of the planet’s atmosphere to cast a hellish ochre pall over the landscape. It was like looking at one of the ancient sepia picts that dated back to the pre-history of humanity, though the subject of this image could be no other domain than hell.

 

Sudden vibrations and coarse shouting heralded the arrival of the enemy; three of their cavalry auxiliary, mounted on grim steeds bulging with artificial implants and stim-injectors. They were clearly chasing something, but what?

 

Ah, there!

 

A survivor of the defeated army struggling through the mire of mud, oil and blood, frantically trying to outrun his pursuers. Slipping and sliding down a slope, scrabbling and clawing at the opposing incline, but to no avail - a black spear plunged into the man’s back, transfixing him to the ridge he had desperately sought to climb in his wild bid for freedom. To his credit, he did not scream. Well, not until the soldiers reached him. Their leader retrieved his weapon, the cruel barbs tearing through soft flesh, bringing forth terrible screams that were abruptly cut short by a swift downward strike of the spear.

 

Once the warriors had moved on, distracted by another victim for their cruel sport, no doubt; Khavel slowly raised his head to survey his surroundings. No further survivors were to be found in the local vicinity, that was clear. Many more of the mounted death squads roved the battlefield, quickly impaling anything that moved, and the harsh cracks of pistol fire revealed a slower purge of the wounded, conducted by staggered rows of infantry. Escape. That was his only priority now, no tactical retreat or heroic last charge against the terrible invader; no cunning ambush or bold sabotage. No, his only chance of salvation lay with evasion and flight.

He crawled forward, nudging aside the corpses of fallen warriors, both friend and foe. The cursed symbol of his enemy glinted dully from the cuirasses of their fallen. Pausing to wipe blood from his face, he suddenly stopped, alert. There was someone nearby, a movement, a sound. Drawing his knife, the only weapon left to him now, he wriggled through the mud.

 

“Nahros?”

 

He couldn’t believe it, his squad vox-officer still lived, grievously wounded though he was. Slithering alongside his former comrade, he opened his mouth to speak and was instantly sprayed with fragments of bone, blood and grey-matter as Nahros’ head exploded, crushed by an enormous ceramite boot. By the Gods! He had fought alongside gene-bred giants, but this was something else entirely. Shifting his head to look upon his death, he caught a glimpse of that hated symbol, that burnished golden eagle, emblazoned across the giant’s chest.

 

Thanks for reading and if folk have any comments and critiques to make (I'm sure there'll be many), that'd be welcomed.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

It's certainly promising. I hope to know more about the protagonist and the cause he fights/fought for. When is this story set, during the Great Crusade (M31), or in contemporary times (M40-42)?

[Pearson73]

Thanks Bjorn, with regards to his allegiance, I'm not all that sure and think I might leave it a little ambiguous to emphasize the domineering brutality of the Imperium - it doesn't matter your creed or loyalties, if you're not imperial, you will be utterly destroyed. The Imperium is no longer mighty because it is right (if ever it was) but now right because it is mighty.

 

In terms of the chronology, probably a more contemporary M40-42, as this fits the open submission criteria and shows the Imperium at the height of its intolerance and xenophobia.

[Tarvek Val]

I like it, it's a very good start. Like Bjorn already said, some context about the actual conflict itself and why the Imperium decided to come after this civilization would be interesting, perhaps in a flashback to the actual battle. By the way you emphasize the fact that the Imperials (and the Imperial eagle) are hated and the fact that the narrator has "fought alongside gene-bred giants", I am inclined to think of the narrator as most likely being a follower of Chaos, even if he himself does not realize it. Most followers of Chaos have an instinctive revulsion towards Imperial iconography, even if they do not / cannot / refuse to accept the nature of the beings they obey. Just food for thought; you may or may not have intended this connection, but that is what I get out of the reading!

[Pearson73]

@ Tarvek Val: Thanks for the feedback! I certainly intend to cover the in-setting context soon, this section is the prologue, if you like, and I intend to follow it with the perhaps cliched " [x amount of time] earlier..." and then describe the planet's first interactions with the Imperium; preparations for war; reactions to warring with the juggernaught that is the Imperial armies and then, finally the battle. I'm thinking about parts of this being from the planetary administration's perspective and maybe also some Imperial perspective during the fighting. With regards to the planet's allegiance, I really like the idea of unknowing followers of Chaos; it's not something I'd ever really considered and is a really interesting avenue to explore. My initial thoughts behind the hatred of Imperial iconography is that the atrocities committed by Imperial forces have burned deep into their enemy's psyche. The "gene-bred giants" were linked to either some sort of deliberately grown Ogryn types (military caste, perhaps?) or something like the enhanced imperial army divisions seen in Legion

[Tarvek Val]

@ Tarvek Val: Thanks for the feedback! I certainly intend to cover the in-setting context soon, this section is the prologue, if you like, and I intend to follow it with the perhaps cliched " [x amount of time] earlier..." and then describe the planet's first interactions with the Imperium; preparations for war; reactions to warring with the juggernaught that is the Imperial armies and then, finally the battle. I'm thinking about parts of this being from the planetary administration's perspective and maybe also some Imperial perspective during the fighting. With regards to the planet's allegiance, I really like the idea of unknowing followers of Chaos; it's not something I'd ever really considered and is a really interesting avenue to explore. My initial thoughts behind the hatred of Imperial iconography is that the atrocities committed by Imperial forces have burned deep into their enemy's psyche. The "gene-bred giants" were linked to either some sort of deliberately grown Ogryn types (military caste, perhaps?) or something like the enhanced imperial army divisions seen in Legion

 

I love the sounds of this! It'd be really cool to get the story from multiple perspectives; I think the added clarity and insight into the motives of the different factions would be well worth the extra time it would take to write the rest of the story. The concept of ogryns or enhanced soldiers makes more sense, that is what I expected but I figured you could also potentially be referencing Chaos Marines or constructs such as Fabius Bile's New Men. I also really like the idea of clueless Chaos followers; this reminds me of a short story that I just cannot recall the name of... though I believe it is in the 40k omnibus There is Only War. Basically, a Chaos cultist is captured by the Inquisition and is brainwashed into being a double spy. He gets sent to re-infiltrate a Chaos cult and, long story short, even when he realizes that he is indeed the monstrosity that he has been "fighting against" his "entire life" (according to his falsified memories), he can't quite believe the truth. If I remember the story's name, I'll post it in this discussion, it's quite a good read. 

 

Can't wait to see more progress!

[Pearson73]

Thanks for the feedback @Tarvek Val,  glad to hear that my ideas stand up to other people's thoughts and aren't just good in my head!

 

I haven't got any progress to show at the minute (deadlines and group projects take a lot of time these days...) however I've been thinking more about the allegiance of the non-imperial faction. Originally, I'd decided that the planet should certainly be non-imperial, but beyond that, its true allegiance would be quite ambiguous; however now I'm considering that it could have been reunited with the Imperium during the Great Crusade, only to lose contact in the great turmoil of the heresy. Fast forward x thousand years to the present, when the contemporary theocratic Imperium encounters this highly atheistic planet of humans who reject any notion of some 'God-Emperor' and begin immediately to purge the heretical unbelievers. I feel this idea, if worked in well enough, could further add to the themes I'm trying to include regarding imperial brutality and complete intolerance of anything that does not comply, such to the point that a civilisation that champions all that the Imperium once stood for is now seen as a great evil and traitor.

 

Anywho, thoughts on the above would be welcome and hopefully I'll have some work ready for perusal at a not too distant date.

[Tarvek Val]

Originally, I'd decided that the planet should certainly be non-imperial, but beyond that, its true allegiance would be quite ambiguous; however now I'm considering that it could have been reunited with the Imperium during the Great Crusade, only to lose contact in the great turmoil of the heresy. Fast forward x thousand years to the present, when the contemporary theocratic Imperium encounters this highly atheistic planet of humans who reject any notion of some 'God-Emperor' and begin immediately to purge the heretical unbelievers. I feel this idea, if worked in well enough, could further add to the themes I'm trying to include regarding imperial brutality and complete intolerance of anything that does not comply, such to the point that a civilisation that champions all that the Imperium once stood for is now seen as a great evil and traitor.

 

 

I really like this idea. It's so easy to completely forget about the ideals of the Great Crusade in the modern 40k era; the Emperor would be rolling in his grave... er, Golden Throne, if he knew that the Imperium had deified him as its patron deity.  As you said, this is literally an ideal Imperial planet (as the goal originally was)! I think exploring this line of reasoning would be quite fruitful, and I for one would love to see a continuation of this story along those lines.