Hobby and Mental Health. How do you cope?

[CMDR_Welles]

I've lived with depression since I was 10, and it's played a big part of my life for going on 36 years now. For most of that time, hobby and gaming have been a big part of my coping strategy, and it has for many years helped to keep me sane. 

In 2010, that all changed, and I've been steadily getting worse. I'm now dealing with Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and (non-combat) PTSD. I'm heavily medicated, which is helping; but it can only do so much. I've not been getting much from therapy, and I've been switching through a host of therapists in hopes of finding one that is worth a damn. The only route left medication wise is anti-psychotics, and/or institutionalized, so I'd rather avoid that... 

My problem is, my once method of coping (gaming and hobby), have fallen to the wayside. I "want" to game and hobby, but getting the motivation to do so, and the concentration enough to spend more than a few minutes at my desk has me avoiding it. Gaming means leaving the house, so that has even become an issue.. 

I cannot be the only one dealing with mental health (at least I hope not), and I'm interested in how others have coped and keep motivated. Writing this isnt easy, but I'm just looking for others inputs beyond the scope of the medical I'm currently utilizing. 

[Joe]

I've struggled with mental health issues for over a decade now, on top of my own issues relating to ASD/Asperger's.

 

I've found that as the years go by I'm less and less willing to commit to doing anything hobby related, hence the slew of half-completed projects in my collection. To make matters worse I'll buy hobby products that'll be opened, inspected, then reboxed and left on a shelf somewhere to collect dust. Top that off with being an awful procrastinator and a lack of faith in my own abilities and I doubt I'll ever complete a single "project" ever again.

 

That said, the biggest positive influence I've had that'll convince me to at least start something these days are all the events on the forum; ETL, the various sub-forum modelling and painting challenges. I've found that having a target to work towards can be a major incentive to starting, if not completing, a project.

 

I can't speak for the gaming side of the hobby.

[The Yncarne]

If you’re dealing with mental health issues and gaming doesn’t help like it did, accept that and find something that does help. Your health is the most important thing.

 

In the past I found painting to be mentally soothing, but only if I could have motivation before. I’m not a doctor but some exercise helped me when I struggled. Things like taking a walk and thinking about expanding my models, color palettes, and when I might be able to play helped me cope.

 

That’s the extent of what I can recommend. I haven’t had your impairments and I’m not a doctor, but medication can change behavior and thoughts. If that’s happening to you let your medical provider know. I’m sure you know this but if you’re asking for help a professional perspective may be able to provide a more effective answer.

[Dragonlover]

Firstly, my sympathies. That's a hell of a list of stuff to be dealing with all at once.

 

Next up, something that's helped me out a lot: divorce your brain from the need to spend more than a few minutes at the desk. If you're batch painting a Tactical Squad, and you get a leg basecoated before decided you don't fancy it any more, that's fine. After all, it's one more bit painted than you had done ten minutes ago right? That's how I've churned out several thousand points in the last three ETL's, one bit at a time. Sure, some days I'll sit and paint for a few hours, but more than once per event I'll have a day where I paint a single bolter casing.

 

I'll also suggest Grot's 12 Months of Hobby Challenge if you're trying to get back into the swing of things. One model a month isn't onerous, and you don't have to be starting from scratch either.

 

Do you know any local players that can come to you, even if you've only got space for Kill Team? That could help on the getting games in front.

 

Dragonlover

[Redtoof]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it doesn’t sound very fun. Seems like you are looking for ways to spark your motivation and/or get the same coping effect from the hobby with less work required to get it. I don’t know if I can help, but here are some thoughts anyway.

 

For me, the easiest way to get my hobby ‘fix’ is to watch battle reports. Especially ones with a strong narrative feel and likeable players. (Personally I suggest Winters SEO for this.) This makes me feel involved in the hobby for almost no initial effort, and often motivates me to get painting as something to do with my hands while I listen. I imagine you can get the same from listening to audiobooks or podcasts.

 

Another thing I’ve found is that finishing off a project is a great feeling, while having a big project looming over you can feel difficult. You can ‘cheat’ by splitting projects into smaller chunks, starting with the easiest bits, or just good old fashioned lowering your standards. Also don’t be afraid to buy painted minis or commission them if you just want painted stuff without the effort, or even see if you can get someone to do the painting you find most daunting (maybe all the base colours, so you can just do the details?) Basically find ways to cut out or reduce the parts of the hobby you no longer enjoy.

 

Finally, consider thinning the plastic mountain. Get rid of the stuff that doesn’t inspire you. Sell it on, or trade for stuff that is more interesting. Reducing the pile brings you closer to finishing the pile, which feels good.

[Tyriks]

I'm bipolar and have had similar problems. I have found something that helps a lot is managing my expectations. It's easy to think, "I'll sit down and knock this whole squad out real quick," or something to that effect. But I'm not going to paint a whole squad, 90% of the time. So I end up painting a little and getting frustrated that I didn't hit my unreasonable goal, which makes me more averse next time because I think, "Why bother? I never end up getting anything done anyway."

 

I also think it's easy to get caught up in the idea of needing to make hobby progress. People on podcasts or at the store talk about it, people here talk about it, my group talks about it. Makes it very easy to think I have to keep up. That will motivate me sometimes and just trigger anxiety more often than not. But hobby progress is only as important as you make it. Who cares if you play with unpainted models? Do the parts of the hobby you enjoy. No need to stress out about painting if you don't want to.

[Wargamer]

Well, this is a topic for me, seeing as I dropped out of the Internet for mental health reasons.

 

My hobby, or 40k specifically was doing more harm than good. I lost the will to paint and I realised that I was sinking money into something that I almost never played.

 

What helped me was Warhammer Underworlds. The army is 3-9 models (usually 4 or 5) the entire game's contents can be bought for less than a 2k 40k army, there's no requirement to paint it, and you can fit everything you need into a backpack.

 

I've felt a lot better about gaming thanks to that. Even attended the Grand Clash. Kill Team has helped scratch the 40k itch for now, but it is really nice to have a game system with minimal demands on me besides "turn up".

[micahwc]

I have major depression and combat related PTSD. I find that there are times I just don't want to paint; but generally once I start I will enjoy it. Sometimes we just have to start moving in a direction to get where we want to be.

[Peredyne]

I can understand the lack of motivation, and then coupled with all of the other issues, it becomes a real problem. I've found that by watching/listening to some YouTube tabletop wargamers (Tabletop Minions - Uncle Atom is a favorite of mine), I find my motivation restoring and I can get back to painting/building. Sometimes, I will make myself do a cleaning of my stored stuff and find old projects and get them reorganized for easy working later on. It's one thing done that wasn't done before and I'm a step closer to finishing something.

[Grotsmasha]

I can't speak to the issues you have, but motivationally, I've found Black Library's Audio Books to be fantastic. Hearing the rev of a chainsword, or the bark of a bolter does wonders for the imagination and motivation :tu: 

[Dolchiate Remembrancer]

@CMDR_Welles thank you for something like this. It takes a lot of courage to admit to ourselves and others what we struggle with mentally.

As someone who has struggled with general anxiety and had a bout with depression i can relate on how the hobby just might not do it for you anymore. I personally needed to step away and even flirt with the idea of quitting it altogether. Not a recomendation but it helped to know that i could leave it during my break from it.

The truth is that coping mechanisms are just that, they help to cope but not necessarilly to heal. That was the case while i was depressed last year. 40k had become a trigger instead of an aid.

Im not saying that's your case and if you want to get back into things there are lots of great suggestions here. What i do want to say is i understand and highly encourage you to keep seeking help.

-DR

[librisrouge]

I struggle with anxiety in a way that it keeps me out of the hobby side of the game way too much. It makes painting hard and stressful because I'm adding in this expectation that it will help me deal with stress and then I mess up an eye lense or lasrifle tip     Now I'm back to set off and unable to focus and my coping mechanism has become my trigger. Not the healthiest of ways to cope.

 

If you're looking for advice, I second (or third, I can't keep track) the suggestion that you exercise. I've know multiple people that found exercise to benefit them when depressed and I know that it helps me with anxiety. Anxiety often leaves me unable to sleep but then I'm tired and more prone to anxiety. Exhaustion brought about by exercise helps to fix that and then I am able start the next day recentered and given a fresh chance.

 

Exercise also helps me set other issues aside while I'm doing it. Even something as simple as some free weights while watching a youtube video helps me distract for 10-20 minutes and then I can hobby for a bit without as much baggage weighing me down.

 

Good luck sir and I hope that you, always, hold on one more day for Rogal Dorn. He'd appreciate it.

[NiceGuyAdi]

I’ve had my bouts with depression, too. And how I relate to hobbbying with it isn’t always the same. At times it’s really held me together, others it’s just seemed incredibly trivial and I haven’t wanted to go near it.

 

What is helpful is to use hobbying as a mindfulness exercise. Don’t set yourself targets, just sit, pick up a brush and paint and consider what you’re doing in that place at that moment. It’s a good way of keeping the black thoughts at bay when they crowd in.

 

Non-hobby I also echo how helpful exercise is, I wish more medical practitioners were across how important this is for mental health.

 

I wish you all the best, Welles. I know it’s not a nice place to be.

[Marshal Rohr]

The hobby is like exercise. The times you don’t wanna do it are when you need to do it the most.

[Kinstryfe]

Firstly, accept that all hobbies have periods where your interest will wax and wane, so not being interested in this hobby for awhile isn't necessarily a bad thing and that sometimes a break from *any* activity can be a good thing. That said, things that help me in no particular order...

 

On the agoraphobia front, do you play at a flgs? As hard as the initial steps will be, try to acclimate yourself to the space. If there's a space for it, go up there for a couple hours to just sit and assemble some miniatures. Walk around and try to make some small talk about the hobby or other interests with the staff. For me, this helped me turn my flgs over time into a comfortable space that I don't mind going to because I've gotten very familiar with it, and many of the people there are familiar with me being a regular.

 

When things aren't enticing you, change things up and keep things small. Sometimes painting five squads is no effort at all, but eventually most people burn out on painting the same scheme over and over. When you just aren't motivated to paint more X, find an excuse to paint Y instead. Even as little as a single model. It doesn't even have to be something you'll use in game, but it's an accomplishment nonetheless if you finish it. I try to participate in a lot of the painting events on this site for that very reason. I'd never painted a single Space Wolf before, but I painted one for Brand. Likewise I've never painted an Imperial Fist, but painted one in One More Day for Rogal Dorn as just an exercise in doing something different. I really endorse taking part in some of these events because they add a social contract to your motivation to get something finished.

 

Try to set realistic, attainable goals. For example, I assembled an entire first company for my Ultramarines, but it's such a huge project it's only about a third done. It's a fun long term project but not a feasible one for motivation. Figure out what works for you. Maybe it's a squad at a time, maybe a single model, but make it attainable.

 

Goals don't always need to be physical. Sometimes you may get more satisfaction out of developing a new skill than out of producing a physical result. Identify your hobby strengths and weaknesses. Great at painting greens but terrible at whites? Try to paint a white scar and improve your skills on hand. As you develop more skills you didn't have before, you may find you enjoy trying new spins on old projects.

 

Whatever you do, try to avoid feeling bad if you're not able to motivate yourself. Like I said up top, interest in all hobbies comes and goes at times and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Trevak Dal]

Last time I was in therapy, they tried to tell me I had PTSD. I've not been in combat or war, so I just dismissed it as them latching onto the new trendy acronym so as to medicate people.

 

Objectively, I have some of the symptoms of PTSD, and it probably comes from my childhood. It wasn't bad, like getting cigarette burns, but the emotional manipulation I went through was rough.

 

And the times throughout school really led me to not liking people and isolating.

 

I tend to dwell on the bad things and probably make them worse than what they really were, in some sort of "hur dur I'm a bad ass don't mess with me" or something.

 

So I've been trying this therapy called cognitive storytelling where basically you write you idealized life because you can start to believe.

 

My job is pretty physical (grocery nightstock), but I really need to take better care of myself and get better nutrition. Third shift jobs need to really focus on good nutrition because your body will crave :cuss foods.

 

And I love soda. Not that diet :cuss, full test soda, with real sugar if possible (not an issue for folks outside of the US I'm told).

 

I tend to only backslide when I go visit my Dad. Who wants to eat and throws me off my pattern (intermittent fasting) and can mess the entire plan up, but that's been a lifelong thing and it would be fixed if I asserted myself with him better.

 

As far as the hobby, I get into it in spurts. I've been clipping my Primaris stuff off into boxes, paring down my Black Legion assets, and paring down my Tau crisis suits. I broke down and bought a Commander and I have some of that thermoplastic mold making stuff I intend to make copies of that ubergun that totally won't get nerfed anytime soon and the sword arms from the tantaros and cataphractii Terminators kits.

 

 

I really want to start to get out more. My natural state is to just go home and vege out and I need to break out of that. I want to date.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Trevak Dal

[Arkhanist]

I've been in treatment for major depression for over a decade now, and probably should have been long before that. Something like 15% of all people will have significant depression at some point in their life and there's a strong genetics component. Depression is also significantly likely to be co-morbid with one or more health issues, including anxiety or PTSD. So you are far, far from alone with struggling with it.

 

There's nearly as many pop psych theories about treating depression as there are patients, but this is what I've learned. Some people respond best to different meds, some to therapy, some to exercise, some to electro-shock, some to changing a specific thing in their life etc etc - the symptoms may be similar, but the underlying causes can be very different, and thus the treatment that helps varies too, and at different times we need different things. In many ways, it's not one disease, but dozens of superficially similar ones, and it definitely evolves.

 

In my case, I had to accept that this is who I am; it's not my fault, I'm not to blame, and I simply have to try and forgive myself more. Self-doubt and self-blame are hallmarks of depression, and basically never true - it's the disease talking, distorting everything I see and feel. I've had good periods and bad periods, and I have to vary coping mechanisms when one stops working.

 

The irony of depression of course is that your brain fights you on doing the very things that might help. My focus in the hobby has always been the painting. At times I've found it very helpful, at others it's just too much effort and work that makes me feel like a useless failure - for example comparing my work to the incredible improvement in standards that is now common on social media etc makes me think I'm crap. My ability hasn't drastically changed, but instead of comparing to my cohorts in the same local circle years ago, I'm comparing mine to the absolute best work online, photographed in the best way that the best artists in the world make a living from. It's a ridiculous standard when you think about it, but that's the benchmark we hold ourselves to now - and in my case, the depression beats me over the head with.

 

So there's no shame in finding that a once loved hobby no longer gives relief or joy, that's depression stealing it from us. Sometimes, we just have to accept that for now and do something else. The models will always be waiting for us when we're ready again.

 

I found good board games, like pandemic legacy and simpler euro-games like carcassone and ticket to ride gave me a similar dopamine hit to playing 40k without the grief. For a while, i was really into beadwork - making necklaces from twisting silver-plated wire with pliers and pretty beads. I've found I really enjoy Escape Rooms. There are other hobbies, and there's no way to know which ones might work for you; just try something that sounds appealing, or if none do, try something at least friends/family do.

 

When I do paint, it's because it's a particular model or unit makes me want to - I can immerse myself in it and blot out the negative thoughts, and it brings a kind of peace. I let myself fantasise about a fully painted army even though I know it's pretty unlikely I'll ever get close as anything more than a unit is just too repetitive and painful - and pleasure is a rare commodity to be treasured with depression.

 

Grotsmasha's 12 months of hobby (1 model a month in those months you can) is proving helpful so far, as it gives me a little incentive to get over the usual 'not right now' hump, but doesn't force me to do anything on those days I really can't face it - and there's no real penalty for failure or stopping when/if you have to.

 

TL;DR - paint when you want to, do something else when you don't. Try to be kind to yourself; the negative thoughts and feelings are the disease talking, not a fair reflection of reality.

[Magos Takatus]

I find this quite interesting because I find myself able to paint most days unless I'm feeling really low but I've found that I now find settling to read really difficult. I often read the same paragraph several time and it doesn't sink in. This means I've got a pile of Black Library novels I just don't seem to be able to read anymore. I find that feeling of accomplishment from completing a model project more rewarding than reading. I also find going outside very stressful so I no longer participate in games in the local Games Workshop. At some point in time I want to box my army up and challenge someone to a game of 40k but for now I pour my time into painting mainly. I have found my plogs here make me feel like I'm achieving something and I've recently started uploading my photographs to Instagram so I can show of some non 40k models. There's plenty of good advice available here but I think not being too hard on yourself when you are struggling to find motivation is key, otherwise you just dread picking up the brush. If I need to get back some momentum I paint a small, simple model like the ammo gretchin models to get started. They are easy to paint, don't take long to finish and you get that small sense of satisfaction for getting something done.

[Toomanyprojects]

I've been diagnosed with both bipolar depression and a mild level of Aspergers - when I'm in the midst of an episode it is extraordinarily difficult for me to work up enough desire to make or do anything. However, I do find that a bit of modelling (such as finishing off the Blackstone Fortress boxed set) can help a great deal and can form a sort of mental foundation upon which to begin recovery. It is a tangible achievement that can help out greatly.

[Iron Hands Fanatic]

To start off, thank you for having the strength to talk about this - mental health can be super hard to talk about, especially in this kind of community, but I'm sure a ton of folks will find this thread valuable, and I hope you find something useful from this too, it sucks that you're having such a hard time.

 

For me, my ADD & anxiety make stuff like hobbying tasks I have to 'trick' myself to find motivation for - the thing that's really worked for me are podcasts. When I'm not involved in a task that requires concentrated language skills, I'm listening to podcasts near-constantly, and if there's something I've been putting off / particularly not wanting to do, I'll 'save' a favourite podcast I've been looking forward to. This means that rather than being a laborious task, it's instead a reward, as I get to listen to something I really love. All the time I spend hobbying involves listening to podcasts, and 'cause I've curated a selection of podcasts I love, it often feels like I'm so involved in them that the hobby side is really just something to keep my hands occupied while I listen. I don't actually listen to any hobby-related stuff (I find keeping what I'm listening to & what I'm doing as unrelated as possible is really helpful) but making sure you're only listening to stuff you really want to is super important - building up a list of favourites takes time, but I've found it really worth it.

 

No idea id that would be helpful for you, but let me know if you want any recommendations to listen to

[Rik Lightstar]

I'm of a similar age (only a few years older), and I started at around the same age.

 

While I don't have your issues to deal with, there have been times over the last nearly 30 years where this hobby has, in all fairness, lost its appeal for me, I've still WANTED to like it, and I've fought to like it at times, even told myself that being a war gamer is pretty much "part of who I am".

 

This is a fight you won't win, it's with your subconscious, which is always there. I found I needed a break from it. It took a while to realise it. But eventually I took a couple of years out of the hobby. I didn't do anything drastic like sell or bin everything, I just packed it away, and left it for a while. I tried other things, some drawing, I got more into some computer games, I took up running. This genuinely helped.

 

I think what I'm getting at, is your hobby is for you, it isn't an obligation, and it will almost definitely still be here when you're ready to come back. Take a step back, and look after you, you don't owe your hobby anything.

 

Rik

[Trevak Dal]

Yeah if a hobby is becoming a tiresome chore, then :cuss that :cuss put it up a bit.

[CMDR_Welles]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It helps a little to know I am not alone in this. That is one of the problems with mental illness, since it is so personal, you often feel alone in your suffering. While no two people will experience it the same way, those shared experiences can bring you together to some degree. 

[Ascanius]

My depression is, largely, a consequence of my ADHD, which went undiagnosed and untreated until I was over 30. Whether it's depression or ADHD, though, I find that it helps me to remember that I always come back to my hobbies eventually.

 

Sure, when I bought Burning of Prospero I didn't really do anything with it for several months, but now most of the models from that box have been assembled and I've painted about half of those. It just took a while for the enthusiasm to return.

 

I cultivate multiple hobbies that I can rotate through over time, and I try to stay in touch with this hobby while I don't have the urge to participate myself. Eventually you'll see a new product or someone else's army that sparks your hobby interest again. Sometimes all I'm interested in is the Horus Heresy novels or other fiction, and the models gather dust on my shelves; sometimes I don't think about 40K for months.

 

The main thing I'm still working on is not beating myself up about unfinished projects. I don't keep track of my "shame pile", because I know I'll do something with it all eventually.

[Sonoftherubric21]

Hey Fraters, good to see this discussion! 

 

I actually work as a certified QMHP (qualified mental health professional) as a mental health counselor in my state and have been doing it for years. Not quite a therapist yet but I am getting there with graduate school prep and have a solid foundation in Clinical Psych from my work. 

 

If anyone ever needs to talk feel free to toss me a message, its literally what I do for a living. As for coping with the disorders there is a couple of things I can suggest as a low-level clinician. I have found that mindfulness practices (the secular cousin to Buddhist meditation practices) are incredibly potent as a piece of treatment. I won't get into the nitty-gritty of the neurological details but you may find those practices will even out some of the PTSD and anxiety episodes after a relatively short number of sessions. (Note; DO NOT stop your medications. That is not what I am suggesting.) 

 

As for the hobby, like any hobby it is a form of catharsis and energy release for  anyone participating. Part of any hobby is the escape. If you were just talking about "disinterest" in the hobby I would suggest "pushing through" a painting, building, or playing barrier but sometimes we need a break and to shift into different hobby for a bit. If you need a hobby that allows you to not be social for a time those are also possible such as playing video games or doing something that would not require direct interaction.

 

That being said: One of the best treatments for agoraphobia is in fact "exposure" treatment.... just doing it. Though I know that is a grossly simplified answer and far easier said then done.