So it is true then! Not only are they guilty of cavorting with the Xenos enemies of man, they have also turned against their Brothers!
Alright, I am going to tease you to flesh this out!
So, this is a chapter that is loyal to the Emperor, but actively fights against his agents, both loyal and disloyal alike, to keep themselves alive. How does the chapter reconcile this for themselves? How do they understand their contribution to the Imperium as anything other than the self-serving hypocrisy they are accused of? And what happened to the marines loyal to the Machiavellian Inquisitor? Were there enough left to maintain chapter status, or where they folded back into other chapters? Oooo, or ... did the ship carrying them to their absorbing chapter "mysteriously" disappear, with reports suddenly appearing of this Inquisitor romping around with shadowy, charge-less Astartes?
You might consider the example of the Astral Claws. Their chapter master, I believe, did turn to Chaos, but he was also extremely resourceful, keeping his warriors armed and equipped by any means necessary. Nevertheless, even he was not able to avoid capture and certain death by gallivanting around openly in Imperial space. He retreated to the Maelstrom for safety.
How does your chapter remain undetected?
Now this...this is helpful. Thank you.
It's considered a necessary evil, as with the Gene-Seeds they steal they use to craft warriors they later use to protect, say, Agri-Worlds from Nurgle Cults or Orks from innocent and defenseless Fuedal Worlds. They believe that the Emperor, if he truly does protect, would want his loyal warriors to protect his people, Mankind, for him...even if it means taking another Chapter's gene-seed. Most of it doesn't leave Validor's inner circle, anyway, in an effort to keep his men in line and having less moral questions.
Gotta have Grimdark in there somewhere.
The other chapter, for now I shall call 'the Progenitor Chapter (still working on a name)' held itself together, as the Inquistior had just obtained what he always wanted; an entire Astartes chapter. He ruled over his section of the Imperium with an Iron Fist; the planets knew the Inquisitor as a dark yet protecting Archangel of the Emperor himself.
The Inquisitor was found guility of being a Heretic, and was slain. His Chapter became seperate once more, as their Inquisitor-Controlled Chapter-Master was also found guility by conspiring with the Heretic, as they did not need a repeat of the past.
The Chapter had a great stain on it afterwards, and they were forced to fight against the Green Tide soon afterwards. Since, they have always been Understrength, constantly pushed to fight in Unwinnable wars in an effort to prove their loyalty. The Inquisitor's name was uttered with Curses and dark intentions by the Chapter soon after - by the 42nd Millenium, he had become something of a myth; a boogyman to the Chapter.
They were forever untrusting of Inquisitors ever since.
The Banished Brigade remains undetected by being always on the run in a pattern across various Feudal, Feral, and desolate worlds as a chance to escape to the stars and become Astartes for children who despised being stuck on the land. Many of the Chapter's heroes came out of this noble origin.
Woah there! Stealing a chapter's geneseed is never going to be an easy thing as they are the most defended part of their chapter - it is at the very core of the chapter itself after all.
Stealing Gene-Seeds from weak Successor Chapters shouldn't be that hard, especially with a near-full strength Chapter battle-hardened from being alone in the Eastern Fringes for a few millennia. (Sorry if that came off harsh.)
How have they managed to secure Primaris reinforcements from the Imperium?
Further, Primaris marines have special organs, and therefore a more complex implantation procedure - as such, to create one an older chapter don't just need the new geneseed, they need to get the information to actually implant it correctly. In addition, they would need all the extra gear that came with the new Primaris (mkX, bolt rifles, etc.) though admittedly this could be easier to come by.
Think of it this way: if all you needed to create Primaris marines was the geneseed itself, and if it was so easy to steal it from smaller successor chapters, why haven't chaos been doing that this entire time, rather than bothering attacking the larger geneseed stock facilities?
Now, that doesn't mean you have to get rid of everything you have - all that would be needed is to transpose it all into the time period after the beginning of the Indomitus Crusade.
To be honest, the way you present your timeline is a bit confusing - you start in M39, go back to M38, and then back again to M40. It also would be more easy to read if you presented some character and chapter names (for example, presenting the "captain" as an Ultramarine in a "successor chapter" is confusing)
Whatsmore, it seems like your characters live really old? the way you write it, it sounds like Validor is still leading them in M42... so he's like more than two millenia old? As a reminder, Dante (Chapter Master of the Blood Angels) is stated as being the oldest space marine in the Imperium, and he's been leading the chapter for a thousand years, which is stated as exceptional, even in a chapter as long lived as the Blood Angels. The Inquisitor similarly seems like he is more than a millenium old by the time of your story, which is definitely pushing the limits of mortal lifetimes, even considering Juvenat treatments and the like.
These problems are also fixed by transposing it all into the context of the Indomitus Crusade.
And most of all, I'd like to see the personality of the chapter and the main character himself? At the moment this all feels more like a prolonged action sequence, which isn't enough to build a chapter (though it is a good start )
One thing I haven't mentioned is how I'm surprised there's some kind of "line of succession" which can be manipulated from outside: normally it looks like Marine chapters decide on a new chapter master after his death, generally voted for by the captains or chaplains or something of the sort. Here however you seem to have a sort of feudal line of succession? If that's the case, it could very well be the seed for putting a bit more flesh on the bones? Perhaps they hail from a feudal world with a strong sense of nobility which was copied into the chapter, along with the lines of succession?
I kinda wanted to start in M38, but I do realize now how impossible that would be. I shall do a revamped post taking in your suggestions soon. I also meant the Captain was a Captain in a Successor Chapter of the Ultramarines.
Also, the Feudal World suggestion fixes that problem. I was a bit worried about that, you know, it wasn't a democracy like normal chapters. If you'd like, I guess I could do a complete backstory on the Progenitor Chapter.
The Chapter is a noble chapter led by people who aren't so noble. While they are doing the right thing, Validor has been doing incredibly shady things to keep the Chapter alive. He's a good man with a good heart stuck in the world of thieves, treachery, and Chaos. He doesn't like his position and hates the Inquisitor who did all this with a burning passion; a tad scary considering who Khorne picks up and where they are. The Chapter is made up of brave men (and if you count some of the serfs and some of the Tech-Priest's Skitarii, Women) who defend what they care for no matter the cost (well, to a degree. No heretical things.), and they have a unique Astartes Progression system, similar to how an Astartes goes to the Deathwatch.
The Chapter is a heroic Astartes chapter who don't care they've been excommunicated; the Chapter-Master is a tortured soul with a heart of gold (by our standards, too!), forced into the mud that is Xenos, gangs, and worse, in order to keep said Chapter alive and kicking.
Edited by Bruce Malcom, 25 March 2019 - 05:28 AM.