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---The Dead Rise Again---


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#1
Bruce Malcom

Bruce Malcom

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It is the 42nd Millennium, during which Guilliman's new forces ride onwards with the vigor unseen since the Old Days...

An Ultramarines Successor Chapter, the Red Calibers, was being secretly infiltrated by a Rouge Inquisitor, too power-hungry to know when to quit. The Chapter Master was assassinated, and the next-in-line, a Captain, was under fire for a usually unpunished Heresy. But, due to the investigation of the Assassination and the discovery of his personal logs, a Civil War broke out in them. The Captain led his forces to victory, and 400 Astartes, including him, all left aboard a Long Serpent Vessel, dubbed The Imperial Longsword.

This is where our story begins...


-Five Weeks Since the Departing of the Imperial Longsword-

The Captain, now by the name of Validor as an honorary title, strolled across his ship's deck, and entering the part of the ship delegated to his First Company.

"Brother-Captain Arbitrus, gather your men," he said to the nearby Captain. Arbitrus was an important leader during the Civil War, capturing the Imperial Longsword from enemy hands. "First Company!" He shouted. All of the Astartes within said Company approached the two Captains.

Validor stepped closer. "I hope you all forgive me for not letting you rest longer. I realize that the Civil War was a heavy battle to fight, but we have contact with some sort of Imperial Distress Signal. We must investigate."

One of the Adeptus Astartes there, one clad in Mark Six, spoke. "But sir, what if it is a Red Caliber trick?"

Validor shook his head. "I don't believe so. It's too far away from any known world they've visited. Anyhow, we are above the planet, and I need Astartes on the ground. Prepare for Drop." He readied himself in one of the Drop Pods, Stalker Bolter in hand. His power sword sat ready, in it's hilt. His Gravis Armor was sure to protect him from most attacks, but he feared what could be their final battle.

What could it be? Tyranids? No, the planet seemed fine and they wouldn't be able to Warp if their shadows were active. Necrons? Perhaps, the signal did shout about large metal men. Though, that could also imply Chaos and their Traitorous Astartes. He gripped his rifle even more. Chaos is the worst enemy one could ask for. They turn your men against you with the promise of freedom and power, but in all reality they are more restrictive than the vile and dredged Imperium of Man.

Perhaps..?

Validor shook his head. 'Stop thinking like that. Someone has to lead these Astartes,' he thought angrily to himself. He stared at his other men entering the Drop-Pod. Four other Astartes entered, two were Primaris, both armed with Boltrifles, and the other two were standard Astartes, one equipped with a Plasma Gun and the other, a Melta.

Arbitrus and his men gathered in a nearby pod. They certainly had more Marines in that pod.

Had he done something to anger his people? If so...what?

He would have to think about it later, because his pod launched downwards, alongside a couple Thunderhawks and the other Pod, the Atmosphere of the planet rocking all of them.
  • Tarvek Val likes this
Support Class is the BEST!

#2
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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Typos:
Spoiler

Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)
Sisters of Battle+ Fenrisian Beer- Inhibitions- Sanity= Trouble! (Order of the Blazing Heart Rocket Punch Pimp Magnet She-Wolf)

 

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

 

Reasons to use the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think the Librarian Dreadnought needs Furious Charge AND It Will Not Die to beat down a Chaos-worshiping punk and his Defiler, while a Stormraven needs a Vanquisher cannon to beat down this punk's Heldrake.


#3
Tarvek Val

Tarvek Val

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This is a great start, I'm looking forward to further action! This story has a lot of potential, and I'm curious to see who the mysterious enemy will turn out to be.

 

A word of advice - be careful with your verb tenses. 

The Captain, now by the name of Validor as an honorary title, strolled across his ship's deck, and entering the part of the ship delegated to his First Company.

In this case, you use the past tense of "stroll" and the present tense of "enter." They should be the same tense - either he strolled across the ship's deck and entered the part of the ship, or he strolls across the ship's deck and enters the part of the ship...

 

This story seems as though it works best in the present tense; we, the reader, are seeing the actions play out in real time. Thus, it would make the most sense (to me) for all verbs in the story to be in the present tense.

 

This in no means detracts from the potential of your story, I enjoyed it and look forward to the next segment thumbsup.gif


Edited by Tarvek Val, 17 April 2019 - 10:12 PM.

"Our holy hatred will make us free!" ~Nameless Dark Apostle

 

"Though my guards may sleep and ships may rest at anchor, our foes know full well that big guns never tire." ~Huron Blackheart

 

"You shall stand in midnight clad, your claws forever red with the lifeblood of my father's failed empire, warring through the centuries as the talons of a murdered god. Rise, my sons, and take your wrath across the stars, in my name. In my memory. Rise, my Night Lords." ~Konrad Curze, the Night Haunter

 

"So... How are you?" ~Cyrion, First Claw

 

 





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