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Index Astartes: The Blades Aurus


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#26
Brother Lunkhead

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Your update looks good. I've got a few comments and suggestionsdry.png biggrin.png ........

 

I think some version of this caption should be at the top of your IA:

 

Index Astartes: The Blades Aurus

 

CURRENT STATE OF THE FLEETS [M42]
The last Great Council was in 921.M41 when there was a disagreement between the Fleet Admirals of 1st and 3rd fleet. Fleet Admiral Talmarus Neumann of The Foil believed that uncovering ancient human knowledge was the only way to make a breakthrough in the stalemate of war that the Imperium, whereas Fleet Admiral Mantorus Ackerman of The Saber believed that pursuing this, rather than concentrating on fighting the enemies of humanity, was abandoning their duty. They did not quite come to blows, but a simple compromise was made: their two fleets would not meet again until one of the Fleet Admirals died.

 

Although the last sentence made me smile, allowing an entire fleet to take up a exploritor mission in war time no matter how strongly one Fleet Admiral feels about this seems like a hugely inefficient use of limited resources bordering on sheer folly. Considering the state of Imperium Nihils, both physically and strategically, it would be like looking for a needle in a BURNING hay stack (unless Admiral Neumann has some sort of evidence of a specific STC and a possible location). Not that finding some ancient weapon tech couldn't conceivably shift the balance of fortune in the Imperium's favor, the odds are just to great to risk so many lives and resources. I could see a compromise in several small task forces doing this mission, but nothing larger..... and the two admirals still probably wouldn't see each other until one of them was deadteehee.gif

 

Ultimately it's your story and if you still want to stick with your idea, that's okay too.

 

Brother Mantorus of the Blades Aurus watched the Space Wolf lieutenant leap the trench. He landed with perfect poise, his mane of blond hair forming a halo around his head. Backlit by the setting sun he was the epitome of the noble savage.
An autocannon shell took him in the left temple, exploding the right side of his head, his blond hair suddenly stained red.
“Sanguinius wept”, Mantorus yelled, “what kind of idiot goes into battle without their helmet?!”
.

 

This made me laughlaugh.png

 

Your Blades are coming along very nicelythumbsup.gif


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 20 November 2019 - 09:43 PM.

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#27
TheBladesAurus

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Thank you!
 

I think some version of this caption should be at the top of your IA:

Good idea, will do this weekend.
 

CURRENT STATE OF THE FLEETS [M42]
The last Great Council was in 921.M41 when there was a disagreement between the Fleet Admirals of 1st and 3rd fleet. Fleet Admiral Talmarus Neumann of The Foil believed that uncovering ancient human knowledge was the only way to make a breakthrough in the stalemate of war that the Imperium, whereas Fleet Admiral Mantorus Ackerman of The Saber believed that pursuing this, rather than concentrating on fighting the enemies of humanity, was abandoning their duty. They did not quite come to blows, but a simple compromise was made: their two fleets would not meet again until one of the Fleet Admirals died.

 
Although the last sentence made me smile, allowing an entire fleet to take up a exploritor mission in war time no matter how strongly one Fleet Admiral feels about this seems like a hugely inefficient use of limited resources bordering on sheer folly. Considering the state of Imperium Nihils, both physically and strategically, it would be like looking for a needle in a BURNING hay stack (unless Admiral Neumann has some sort of evidence of a specific STC and a possible location). Not that finding some ancient weapon tech couldn't conceivably shift the balance of fortune in the Imperium's favor, the odds are just to great to risk so many lives and resources. I could see a compromise in several small task forces doing this mission, but nothing larger..... and the two admirals still probably wouldn't see each other until one of them was dead:teehee:
 
Ultimately it's your story and if you still want to stick with your idea, that's okay too.

You're right, the way it reads isn't fully the way I intended it. I was thinking more that 3rd fleet would prioritize requests from the mechanicum, or requests that they think might result in tech/knowledge, rather than an expeditionary fleet, who are going to a certain place (without necessarily the assumption of a battle). At worst, I could see 3rd fleet saying, 'we're going to system X', but then answering any requests/emergencies on their way. Where as first fleet are more, 'we're going to fight these Orks until they are all dead, and then we'll move onto the next warzone'. Basically, the difference of do you fight one big fire, or do you fight lots of little fires that you think will have a greater benefit. But that definitely doesn't come across well in the IA, and I'm not even sure if I've explained it well here. I'll think about how I can reword and rewrite it. Also, this was pre Nihilis, no one is sure where 3rd fleet are now (partly because I like having threads that I could pull on later, and partly so I have a reason for an all original marine army, if I ever wanted one).

This made me laughlaugh.png
 
Brother Mantorus of the Blades Aurus watched the Space Wolf lieutenant leap the trench. He landed with perfect poise, his mane of blond hair forming a halo around his head. Backlit by the setting sun he was the epitome of the noble savage.
An autocannon shell took him in the left temple, exploding the right side of his head, his blond hair suddenly stained red.
“Sanguinius wept”, Mantorus yelled, “what kind of idiot goes into battle without their helmet?!”
.
 

This made me laugh:lol:

I'm glad. It came around for several reasons:
1) Someone had mentioned the models with Marines not wearing helmets
2) I'd been reading the Ragnar Space Wolf books, and was shouting at them several times that should be wearing helmets
3) I don't want my guys to be 'Reasonable Marines' but I at least want them to be practical Marines (e.g. wearing a helmet and using cover)
4) I'm terrible at painting and don't want to have to paint faces tongue.png
 

Your Blades are coming along very nicely:tu:

Thanks again, and thank you for your feedback. It's really useful.

Edited by TheBladesAurus, 21 November 2019 - 01:44 PM.

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#28
Brother Lunkhead

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CURRENT STATE OF THE FLEETS [M42]
The last Great Council was in 921.M41 when there was a disagreement between the Fleet Admirals of 1st and 3rd fleet. Fleet Admiral Talmarus Neumann of The Foil believed that uncovering ancient human knowledge was the only way to make a breakthrough in the stalemate of war that the Imperium, whereas Fleet Admiral Mantorus Ackerman of The Saber believed that pursuing this, rather than concentrating on fighting the enemies of humanity, was abandoning their duty. They did not quite come to blows, but a simple compromise was made: their two fleets would not meet again until one of the Fleet Admirals died.

 
Although the last sentence made me smile, allowing an entire fleet to take up a exploritor mission in war time no matter how strongly one Fleet Admiral feels about this seems like a hugely inefficient use of limited resources bordering on sheer folly. Considering the state of Imperium Nihils, both physically and strategically, it would be like looking for a needle in a BURNING hay stack (unless Admiral Neumann has some sort of evidence of a specific STC and a possible location). Not that finding some ancient weapon tech couldn't conceivably shift the balance of fortune in the Imperium's favor, the odds are just to great to risk so many lives and resources. I could see a compromise in several small task forces doing this mission, but nothing larger..... and the two admirals still probably wouldn't see each other until one of them was dead:teehee:
 
Ultimately it's your story and if you still want to stick with your idea, that's okay too.

You're right, the way it reads isn't fully the way I intended it. I was thinking more that 3rd fleet would prioritize requests from the mechanicum, or requests that they think might result in tech/knowledge, rather than an expeditionary fleet, who are going to a certain place (without necessarily the assumption of a battle). At worst, I could see 3rd fleet saying, 'we're going to system X', but then answering any requests/emergencies on their way. Where as first fleet are more, 'we're going to fight these Orks until they are all dead, and then we'll move onto the next warzone'. Basically, the difference of do you fight one big fire, or do you fight lots of little fires that you think will have a greater benefit. But that definitely doesn't come across well in the IA, and I'm not even sure if I've explained it well here. I'll think about how I can reword and rewrite it. Also, this was pre Nihilis, no one is sure where 3rd fleet are now (partly because I like having threads that I could pull on later, and partly so I have a reason for an all original marine army, if I ever wanted one).

 

Yes, I think that clears it up and definitely makes more senseyes.gif

 

 

Brother Mantorus of the Blades Aurus watched the Space Wolf lieutenant leap the trench. He landed with perfect poise, his mane of blond hair forming a halo around his head. Backlit by the setting sun he was the epitome of the noble savage.

An autocannon shell took him in the left temple, exploding the right side of his head, his blond hair suddenly stained red.
“Sanguinius wept”, Mantorus yelled, “what kind of idiot goes into battle without their helmet?!”

 

This made me laugh:lol:

I'm glad. It came around for several reasons:
1) Someone had mentioned the models with Marines not wearing helmets
2) I'd been reading the Ragnar Space Wolf books, and was shouting at them several times that should be wearing helmets
3) I don't want my guys to be 'Reasonable Marines' but I at least want them to be practical Marines (e.g. wearing a helmet and using cover)
4) I'm terrible at painting and don't want to paint faces tongue.png 

 

That was definitely a good onelaugh.png I read a similar passage where a Iron Warriors marine makes a similar comment after blowing the head off of a Imperial Fist marine in a Horus Heresy story.

 

Thanks again, and thank you for your feedback. It's really useful.

 

Your Blades are looking grandthumbsup.gif  and you are most welcome, and I'm glad you found my comments helpful.


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 21 November 2019 - 06:42 PM.

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#29
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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I don't have the time to dig into this wholesale right now.

 

What I will say is that this is long, very long. An IA is like a story more than an information sheet. The idea is a military history brief but in practicality it's a short, in universe story about your chapter. A story in summary if you will.

 

This is very long, and you're going to lose people halfway through at the latest. Your paragraphs are huge and seemingly detailed and definitely overwhelming.

 

 

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

 

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

I think this is pertinent. You need to ask, are you writing an for the chapter or are you writing something else?

 

If I was you, I'd be looking to what information I can cull down to make the IA flow with a concise and enjoyable beginning, middle and end. Then everything else you compile into an 'information tablet' for the chapter. That way you don't lose anything.


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The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#30
TheBladesAurus

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I don't have the time to dig into this wholesale right now.
 
What I will say is that this is long, very long. An IA is like a story more than an information sheet. The idea is a military history brief but in practicality it's a short, in universe story about your chapter. A story in summary if you will.
 
This is very long, and you're going to lose people halfway through at the latest. Your paragraphs are huge and seemingly detailed and definitely overwhelming.
 

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
 
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 
I think this is pertinent. You need to ask, are you writing an for the chapter or are you writing something else?
 
If I was you, I'd be looking to what information I can cull down to make the IA flow with a concise and enjoyable beginning, middle and end. Then everything else you compile into an 'information tablet' for the chapter. That way you don't lose anything.


Thanks for the feedback. You're right, I'm trying to get everything about my Chapter 'down on paper', rather than thinking 'what's the minimum people need to know'. It would be useful to have some feedback about what is interesting, and what works well.

Thanks again, will work on this when I have time.




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