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The Wardens of Hades (WIP)


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#26
Messor

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It sounds great. The grim-dark is strong with this one. The expectations levied on recruits from other planets are a particularly nice touch.

 

 

 

In a world such as Aides, where isolation is a constant and the foe can take the infinite forms of the daemon, the ability to quickly adapt to the changing situation, to rapidly contextualize and re-contextualize every detail, and to make do with what few resources one has available on the moment -in one word, what the people of Aides call Phronesis- is the foundation of survival.

 

This sentence is understandable, but fairly unwieldy. I'd suggest splitting it up if possible. Also look like a couple of the paragraphs need another hard return between them.


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#27
The_Bloody

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@Bjorn: the awakened limitations are taken from the new Marine codex, and are due to their indoctrination... It's a pretty cool bit of new fluff actually, called "beyond the Ultima Founding"! But thank you for reminding me the coolest name for the Butcher's nails!
And yes, that's the agoge - the world's most efficient educational system. :D

There's also a bit of Aristoteles in there, with Aides' own twisted version of the Nicomachean Ethics.

Phronesis (Ancient Greek: φρόνησῐς, romanized: phrónēsis) is an Ancient Greek word for a type of wisdom or intelligence. It is more specifically a type of wisdom relevant to practical action, implying both good judgement and excellence of character and habits, or practical virtue. (Taken from Wikipedia)



@Messor: really glad you like it! I'll think about the best way to rephrase that sentence.
Which paragraphs do you believe should be splitted?

Edited by The_Bloody, 21 August 2019 - 10:37 PM.


#28
Messor

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I think you've already got them split up, there are just a couple that are still butted up against the prior paragraph and could use one more defining space. It's the ones beginning with

 

 

 

In a world such as Aides...

 

and

 

 

 

At the moment, the Aidian System is...

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